Month: May 2007

A song by Brandon Heath resonated with me recently. The song is called “I’m Not Who I Was” and that should describe any person who has decided to follow Jesus Christ. It certainly describes me. I am not who I was forty years ago or twenty years ago or even one year ago. This journey with Jesus cannot be status quo. You are either going forward or backward. Most of us have done both at various times during the journey. I have made a lot of mistakes over the thirty-eight years of my fumbling, bumbling, stumbling walk with Jesus. So the lyrics by Brandon Heath echo my own experience.

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I’m not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I’m not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

Heath’s song illustrates Paul’s familiar text about becoming a new creature in Jesus Christ. Those verses takes on a fresh new perspective in this translation from The Message.

Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.  I Cor 5

That we are a new person in Christ is theologically one-hundred per cent accurate. We do get a fresh start and the slate is clean before God.  But we have a hard time accepting that amazing grace. We have a particularly hard time applying that to our lives and to others. We tend to look at snapshots of a person’s life and form judgments based on those few images. But the progress of Christ in a person’s life is revealed in the total album of their journey. You could have taken some snapshots of my life during spiritual deserts that would have led you to believe that I was not a very good Christian and maybe not a believer at all. I am grateful that God does not give up on His children who wander. This journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Paul often used athletic metaphors as he challenged the church at Galatia to shun false teaching and continue the race.

You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom.

Understanding that we are a new man or woman is vital to freedom in Christ. Giving others the grace to become new creatures is vital to how we unify in the body of Christ. We also need to be ready to wipe the slate clean and not get historical when they backslide. And yes, I mean historical.

“That is just what you used to do, I knew you hadn’t changed!”

That is what I mean by getting “historical”. We are quick to remember how others used to be and not  quick to believe what they may become. Maybe they have changed and that bad moment was just a temporary spiritual pothole on the journey’s road.

Samuel Johnson wrote that “God does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I?” That is a great question. But we too often do exactly that. We expect grace but don’t grant it. Too often we dwell on the weakness and not the gifts that God has given others. Or we acknowledge the gifts but make sure to note the weaknesses. All of us are a mix of gifts and flaws. And over the years God patiently knocks off the rough edges as He molds us more and more in His image.

I recently wrote about another song that talks about the grace that changes people. Check out the video for a song by country singers Montgomery Gentry. The song is called “Some People Change” and the images are not safe and politically correct. The video is set at an old fashioned tent revival in the middle of a cornfield. Montgomery Gentry sing about a young man brought up in racism who is changed by faith in Jesus.

His old man was a rebel yeller:
Bad boy to the bone.
He’d say: “Can’t trust that other fella,”
He’d judge ’em by the tone of their skin.
He was raised to think like his Dad:
Narrow mind full of hate.
On the road to no-where fast,
Till the Grace of God got in the way.
Then he saw the Light an’ hit his knees an’ cried an’ said a prayer:
Rose up a brand new man; left the old one right there.

What a powerful lyric. The grace of God got in the way. That is what happened to me. I was living a life far apart from God and headed nowhere fast when the grace of God got in the way. And thank God for that interruption in my directionless path. The next stanza talks about a Mom raised in an alcoholic family who finds the strength to throw the bottle down. In the midst of the difficult stretch Joni and I have been riding I have seen the grace of God getting in the way over and over. I recently sat with a dear friend that quit drinking after coming into a relationship with Jesus. A marriage restored with another couple. A young man leaving drugs to go into full time Christian ministry to help others battling those same demons. Another work friend who life has been turned around by faith. Some people change when the grace of God gets in the way and we stay out of the way!

The chorus goes like this…

Here’s to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don’t give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.

Thank God for those who make it:
Let them be the Light.

Some people change. The question I have to answer is do I give them the grace to allow that change? God accepted me when I was unacceptable. Lord help me to have the grace to accept others even when they seem unacceptable. We have a hard time with that, don’t we? We keep score and are quick to point out failure to justify our lack of acceptance. Paul addressed such behavior to the Ephesians.

But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.  Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,  throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil….

And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.  Eph 4  NLT

And yes, I know that I may get burned by that approach. But if I am to err I pray that I will err on the side of grace. Don’t give up hope. Some people change. And we need to give them the grace to believe that maybe, just maybe, they are not who they used to be.

So far our married children have not blessed us with grandchildren. So Joni and I enjoy our grand-dogs and practice varying amounts of patience as we await grand-parenthood. However, my beautiful nieces and not quite as beautiful nephew have produced some awesome grandnieces and grandnephews. I am proud of every single one of them.

A recent story from my niece Diana made me both thankful and thoughtful. She experienced a “teachable moment” with her youngest son Caleb. This is the Encarta website definition of a teachable moment.

A moment of educational opportunity: a time at which a person, especially a child, is likely to be particularly disposed to learn something or particularly responsive to being taught or made aware of something.

In this story both Mom and Son learned something about grace. Diana picks up the story.

Caleb was supposed to be in our backyard playing. That was the deal we had made. When I looked out he was not there. By the time I got to the front door, he was there holding his eye and screaming that he could not see. After a quick look, I decided we would be off to the emergency room. 

In the car I asked Caleb what had happened. He reluctantly shared that he had ventured down to the neighbor’s yard to play croquet. I was pleased that he told the truth because we both already knew he had broken the rules.  I was upset with Caleb for not obeying and that was obvious to him as we rushed down the highway to the hospital. 

In the ER Caleb sat quietly for a long time. Finally he asked me if his eye was going to be okay.  I did not know the answer to his question and I did not want to say something that could be untrue.  I  could only tell him that I didn’t know and that we would see what the doctor had to say.

Caleb was quiet again for what seemed like a very long time. Finally he reached over from his ER bed and grabbed my hand. “Mom, I know you are upset with me, but will you pray for my eye anyway?” 

What an amazing lesson for Diana and for all of us. Caleb knew that his actions were wrong. The consequences of those actions had placed him in the hospital. But instead of getting mad and blaming someone else for his injury Caleb wanted to take his pain and his wrong actions to the throne of grace. I thought of Jesus and how He often challenged us with the simple faith of children. This story in Matthew is one example.

About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”  Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Caleb had modeled that humility as he appealed for grace from Jesus…and from his Mom. He got both.

Diana finished the story.

I sat down on the side of his bed and together we prayed for his eye.  I assured him that Mom would always pray for him no matter what the circumstance and that I could NEVER be that upset with him.  Shortly after, the Doctor came in and said Caleb was a lucky little boy, and that it appeared his eye would be fine.  Caleb looked over at me and smiled.  How could I remain even remotely upset with him now?

That is grace. A little boy disobeyed and cost his parents a little money and a few grey hairs. But he was forgiven because he is loved. Caleb learned that grace is always available when he makes a mistake because of that love. Diana learned that the humble faith of a child brought perspective on what really matters.

Satan doesn’t want us to think about God’s grace when we sin. Satan wants us to think that God is too upset with us to love us if we wander away and break the rules. Recently I wrote about a personal failing in my own life. I was busy beating myself up but then I had a “Caleb’ moment and I remembered again what grace means to me. Yes, I had failed miserably. Yes, I was disappointed in myself. Yes, I was a little embarrassed that I have written and spoken so boldly and flopped so easily. But here is what poured over my soul from the Holy Spirit.

You are my child.
I love you.

Grace always takes me by surprise. I am not conditioned by this world to expect love and acceptance when I have failed. I am conditioned to expect condemnation, shame, and rejection. But there was the Father God patiently and lovingly dealing with me. 

Like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son, God is waiting to race to greet us when we turn away from self  and toward Him. There is no cleanup required. A heart of repentance is all that He asks. That is the same God that gently instructed this mother and child during a teachable moment. His grace is sufficient…and always amazing. 

A recent news story piqued my interest. Four Hooksett, New Hampshire town employees with 46 years of service between them were fired, in part for gossiping and discussing rumors of an improper relationship between the town administrator and another employee that Hooksett residents now agree were not true. The administrator complained, and after an investigation the town council fired the women, finding, “Gossip, whispering, and an unfriendly environment are causing poor morale and interfering with the efficient performance of town business.”

“When I was given my termination papers, I just looked at the gentlemen that were present in the room and I said, ‘You’ve got to be kidding!’” said fired worker Sandy Piper, who insisted her comments weren’t out of line. “We discussed it on a lunch break, and then it ended.”

The same thing happens everyday (except for the termination part) in offices all over this great land. Gossip happens everyday in neighborhoods, car pools and in annoying public cell phone conversations that I am forced to hear. Gossip is a cottage industry in America. We have gossip magazines and television shows. Gossip columnists make careers out of spreading half-truths and rumors.

The recurring theme of these humble ramblings is not to rail on what the culture is doing but to examine what the followers of Christ should be doing. And the answer is clear and it should be articulated directly like the soup guy from the Seinfeld TV series. No! No gossip for you!

If the founding church fathers had added an 8^th Deadly Sin I would nominate gossip. I have seen the devastating effect that gossip has in the church. You may have heard this too close to the truth joke.

Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, “Did you see that piercing that the Johnson’s daughter is parading around with?”
“I didn’t even see her,” admitted Mr. Smith.
“And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing,” continued Mrs. Smith, “Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper outfit for a mother of two.”
“I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either,” said Mr. Smith.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” snapped Mrs. Smith. “A lot of good it does you to go to church.”

Gossip is a huge problem in the church and sometimes gossip is very stealthy. Satan has a slick marketing trick that he sells to Christians. We don’t call gossip by it’s name. We like to call gossip by euphemisms like “sharing our concerns” or “venting to a brother or sister”. We gossip when we divulge unnecessary details in prayer requests as if God needs to be brought up to speed on the entire situation. We like to think we are in the clear if we know that the information is true and we are simply being “honest” and “telling it like it is”. But Frank Clark correctly stated that “gossip needn’t be false to be evil – there’s a lot of truth that shouldn’t be passed around.”

The Bible is very clear about gossip. I found fourteen specific mentions of gossip in Scripture. A couple of Old Testament highlights…

      “Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people.” Leviticus 19:16

      They visit me as if they were my friends,but all the while they gather gossip,and when they leave, they spread it everywhere. Psalm 41:6
     
      A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.  Proverbs 16:28

      Paul reveals how seriously he ranks gossip when he includes the act of gossip in this not so attractive menu of sins.

      Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip.
      Romans 1:29

Seriously, do most of us lump gossip in with hate, murder and deception? Paul does. The church at Corinth also had an ugly list of problems and gossip made the list.
  
      For I am afraid that when I come I won’t like what I find, and you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy,      anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior.  2 Corinthians 12:20

If Paul were to write a letter to the modern church he would surely include gossip in his list of rebukes. A follower of Jesus certainly should not spread gossip any further. Gossip is a parasite that requires a host organism to survive. Don’t give gossip a place to live.

Solomon wrote this in Proverbs. Fire goes out without wood,and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. Proverbs 26:20      

Think of how many times you have believed something to be true only to find out the information was mostly or even totally wrong. I find it interesting that the threat of a libel or slander lawsuit will cause us to be cautious about our remarks in the public square. How naive that we think it is okay to denigrate a child of God and somehow think that there are no repercussions to that action. Are we really more concerned about the People’s Court than the Kingdom’s Court? Pastor Rick Warren makes a great point when he says that “The problem with Christians is that we take ourselves too seriously and we don’t take God seriously enough.”  

God takes seriously how we communicate about others in the flock. Peter said to “Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless-that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing”. 1 Peter 3:8-9 (MsgB) So there is an added bonus for your Godly communication…a blessing at no extra charge.
  
Pastor Jim Cymbala of Brooklyn Tabernacle writes how his church handles the topic of gossip. 

About 20 years ago, I said something impromptu to the new members lined up across the front of the church. As we received them, the Holy Spirit prompted me to add, “And now, I charge you that if you ever hear another member speak an unkind word of criticism or slander against anyone—myself, an usher, a choir member, or anyone else—that you stop that person in mid-sentence and say, ‘Excuse me—who hurt you? Who ignored you? Who slighted you? Was it Pastor Cymbala? Let’s go to his office right now. He’ll apologize to you, and then we’ll pray together so God can restore peace to this body. But we won’t let you talk critically about people who aren’t present to defend themselves.’

“I’m serious about this. I want you to help resolve this kind of thing immediately. And know this: If you are ever the one doing the loose talking, we’ll confront you.”

To this day, every time we receive new members, I say much the same thing. That’s because I know what most easily destroys churches. It’s not crack cocaine, government oppression, or even lack of funds. Rather it’s gossip and slander that grieves the Holy Spirit.

Powerful. And so achingly true. God is not glorified when we spread gossip and idle chatter. The test is very simple. If I am not part of the situation or a part of the solution I should not be talking about it. James is typically to the point in this brutally honest assessment.

A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. James 3:6 (MsgB)  

Vaccinate yourself with a couple of scriptural truths about gossip. An injection of biblical truth and a dose of how God views gossip can control the deadly virus. And that will make the body of Christ a whole lot healthier.

There will soon be a history making moment in Major League Baseball. The long revered home run record of Henry Aaron will be broken by Barry Bonds. America was swept up in euphoria when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa shattered Babe Ruth’s single season record. The excitement helped save a game badly damaged by petty labor disputes.

Now an accomplishment of much greater magnitude is approaching and America is apathetic or even hostile toward Barry Bonds. The reason? There is considerable reason to suspect that he enhanced his strength and performance with steroids. Here is the problem with being a Barry-hatah on that basis alone. MLB did not ban steroids until a couple of years ago. So Bonds did not violate any “rules” of Major League Baseball. He lived in a free floating world of situational ethics and he decided the greater good was to get stronger. Barry Bonds was certainly not alone in artificially building his body. And it is naive to believe that only hitters used steroids. More than a handful of pitchers suddenly developed more speed on their fastball at a point in their careers where that usually doesn’t occur.

When the moral boundaries of society are flexible how can you decide when something is right or wrong? Bonds did not break a single rule. And it is only against the law to supply steroids to others or to possess counterfeit steroids. So it is quite plausible that the players broke no laws. It was up to the players to decide right or wrong. We live in a culture where it is accepted to use every tactic to gain an “advantage” on the competition. I wrote an earlier post about resume writing companies that enhance your credentials to get an edge. I was lamenting my own rather puny educational resume when I wrote this blog.

Had I known about a company called fakeresume.com I could have pumped up the old resume a bit. The site offers a resume “tune up” that shows you how to fill in gaps in your resume, get fake references, and even get transcripts from any university with the GPA you want. Here is the rationalization taken directly from the firm’s website.

• The bottom line is if you know you can do the job, then why shouldn’t you fluff up your resume a bit?  We all know a great deal of people who have held jobs that they were not qualified to have.  Yet there they were day in and day out collecting big paychecks while other people corrected their frequent mistakes. This underground guide will teach you how to take your real life experience and embellished on them so you get the job you deserve.
• Can this be considered lying?  Perhaps, but don’t you deserve a shot at a job you know you can do?
• What about your prospective employer’s honesty?  How open and honest are they to their employees and future employees?  Anyone who’s read the newspaper or watched the evening news has witnessed the lack of integrity that runs rampant in today’s corporate world. In my experience very few employers will fully reveal any unpleasant details affecting the positions they advertise. 

Why not “fluff up” the qualifications? As long as you know you can do the job that’s okay, isn’t it? Lying? Well if you are going to get all nit picky you could say it’s lying. But I would simply suggest that you drag out the best rationalization of all for sinning. The gold standard of rationalization is justifying one sinful act because of another sinful act someone else commits. Companies are dishonest? Then you can be dishonest too. That merely levels the situational ethics playing field, right?  The website has subheadings like “how much should you lie on your resume” and “how not to arouse suspicion”.

I have the answers to those questions and I feel pretty confident these are biblically accurate.

How much should you lie on your resume?    Zero
How not to arouse suspicion? Tell the truth

In Proverbs you will find this timeless wisdom.

Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed. Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace! Proverbs 12  NLT

Back to the Barry Bonds saga. I wish that Barry Bonds were not breaking Hank Aaron’s record but I don’t hate him for doing it. Here is my fantasy if I could control how this event plays out. I would get every pitcher in baseball to commit to a plan. When Bonds is one home run away from tying the mark MLB pitchers would intentionally walk him 44 consecutive times at bat. That is Hank Aaron’s uniform number that he wore with dignity for over two decades.

That would show the respect we have for Hammerin’ Hank and his unsullied record. Is that going to happen? Of course not. But how cool would that be to see the walks mount…40…41…42…43…44. We love you Hank! OK, Barry, now you can break the record. Have at it.

The situational ethics of the home run pursuit has application for followers of Jesus and the message seems clear. We are held to a higher standard than technically fitting inside the rules. James offers his this straightforward truth.

If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.  For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.  For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

When I am tempted to bend a rule or slide by on a technicality I must not do it. Everyday I am representing Jesus in the marketplace. I pray I will always take that seriously.

Earlier this month I related once again to Charlie Brown of the Peanuts comic strip. Linus and Charlie are having one of their lean on the fence discussions about life. The dialogue goes like this.

Linus: What’s the best thing to do with regrets.
Charlie Brown: Well, I think most people try to save them. Then they can take them out now and then and look at them.
Linus: Do you save all of your old regrets, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Oh yes, I have an award-winning collection!

Most of us do, Charlie Brown. Satan would have us open up that regret collection on a regular basis. Too many Christians live defeated lives because we live in regret of the past and fear of the future. Putting your faith in Jesus should allow us to redeem the past, trust God for the future, and live contentedly in the moment.

So I rarely open the regret lock-box these days. But a recent news story about a reality TV show on the E! Network sent me there. The show is called the Girls Next Door and the premise is to look inside life at the Playboy mansion. Another sign of the apocalypse is that this is the third season of this show. I was blissfully unaware of the show until just recently. Here is why I opened the regret box. I am unlocking a personal regret to plead with any young man who might read this to not get hooked by the “playboy” lure. I did. I regret that. I used to read (?) the magazine on a regular basis when I was single. It is easy to rationalize that Playboy is “classier” than other men’s magazines.

That is a tough one to reconcile with Scripture. The text does not read that the wages of sin are calculated on a sliding scale based on the degree of sophistication. Paul writes in Romans that the wages of sin is death. I suspect that if I were a young man reading that I might write off my pleas to GOMS (Grumpy Old Man Syndrome). But hear me out. This is important to any man who wants to follow Jesus and love his wife (or future wife) well.

Playboy may not be as graphic as other magazines. But it is just as insidious in creating an unrealistic expectation for men. Reality is not perfect bodies and insatiable sexual appetites. I wrote an article defending Baylor University for not allowing students to pose in the magazine. Here is a snippet of that post.

I have “read” the magazine. I do know why men read the magazine. Incredibly, it is not for the articles! Any many who tries to rationalize that is disingenous at best and a liar at worst. Christian men should have no part of it. I am stunned by men who make threatening comments to young men that come to date their daughters and then go out and ogle and lust after the daughters of others. In New Man Magazine author Matthew Paul Turner writes that “pornography alters your view of humanity by objectifying people. And, it’s almost impossible for a porn habit “not to affect the relationships you hold most dear.”

I work in a secular and testosterone driven world. There may be a small percentage of men who can view these types of magazines and not lust. I have not met any of them yet. If you are that man would you join me for lunch (and bring along a lie detector)?

Any men’s magazine can become a “gateway periodical” to more graphic material. That is readily available with the click of mouse. Millions of men have damaged or even ruined relationships because of pornography. The Internet is the meth amphetamine of porn.

Back to the “reality show”. Three gorgeous twenty-somethings vie for the affection of the octogenarian Hefner while living under the same roof. Their combined ages don’t equal Hefner’s age. Now that is reality! Hefner rates the girls and appoints one of the girls as “number one” like some weird parody of Dr.Evil.

The New York Post reports that the show may have a ratings gimmick this season. He might just marry “Number One” according to the Post.

“This is very secret, but the word is ‘yes,’ ” one insider told Page Six. “Hef has decided he will marry Holly, and he wants it for his show, ‘The Girls Next Door.’ Hef thinks business all the time, and looks for a new hook, although he also does really love Holly.”

Hmmm….he thinks business all the time and is looking for a new hook. The afterthought that Hefner “really does love Holly” must certainly make Number One feel special and valued. Hefner reportedly wanted to delay the marriage because monogamy would “kill the show”. Another reason for Number One to be optimistic.

Number One was quoted during season one about the odd arrangement she had agreed to live with at the mansion.

She said she “couldn’t believe” that she’s sharing her boyfriend with the other two busty blondes. But, she noted, “you do funny things when you’re in love.”

I would suggest you do funny things when you are infatuated by money and fame. You do loving, sacrificial things when you are in love. For example, you care selflessly for your dying wife like my friend Bob. You sacrifice for your wife and children. You place your mate first. You love her just as much when her body reflects the effects of child bearing and age. You take seriously the words of Paul when he admonishes followers of Jesus to love their wives.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.  (Ephesians 5 – The Message)

Hugh Hefner is living the fantasy of many young men. I used to be one of them. But I do not envy him one bit. Because he will never understand what I have been blessed to experience. A wife who has loved me when I was unlovable. A wife who doesn’t care if I am rich or famous or powerful because that is not what she bases her love on. A relationship that has weathered storms together and emerged stronger. Joni’s strength and dignity during her recent cancer journey took my respect for her to a new level.

She is number one. There are no other contenders at the Grumpy Old Man mansion. And there never will be.

Everybody’s busy with their own situation
Everybody’s lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurried up trying to make a dream come true
They don’t understand
Everybody’s living like there ain’t no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
‘Cause you never really know what your neighbors going through
They don’t understand

I remember driving away from one of Joni’s early doctor appointments after her breast cancer diagnosis. Joni was driving her car as I followed her. She was distracted (imagine that) and missed her turn. She drove forward to the next opportunity to turn left and double back. Because she temporarily blocked the left lane a guy laid on his horn and started gesturing. I remembering thinking that this guy was not a quality human being (rough translation). I wondered if it would make a difference in the attitude of this, uhhh, not really nice homosapian if he knew what was going through my wife’s mind. He was busy worrying about his 20 second delay as she was thinking about her health, her family, her job, and maybe her life. So I try to step back, breathe, and ask for patience.

Finally, I look in the mirror. What I see there is a man who is capable of nearly everything I get angry about with others. And I am humbled again that somehow God is patient with me as I work this out. Regular readers know of my admiration for the group Casting Crowns. The song “Who Am I” comes to mind in this context.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt. 

Take a moment to meditate on that. Then take a moment to meditate on a later verse.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.

That God sees my sin and looks on me with love is mind boggling. How can I accept that love and not at least attempt to offer it to others? Because there is not a (Christian cussing warning) dang thing that I have done to deserve mercy like that. From a human perspective that person who incites cynicism probably doesn’t “deserve” grace. But did you? Did I?

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

So I guess that is the game-plan of how I try to not get hardened and cynical. Realizing who I am (a sinner) and what He has done. Focus on the One who understands rejection and suffering. Realize that others may be enduring real trials of their own. And understand that the God who sees my sin still looks on me with love.

On some days I execute the game-plan better than others. But that doesn’t mean it is not a good plan. It just means I have to spend more time in the playbook and with my Coach.

My Mother died in January so this will be my first Mother’s Day without her. This is a piece that I wrote right after her death. It is a story of incredible grace and redemption.

Blessings, Dave

There is the sadness of loss that is tempered with the joy of seeing her relationship with the Lord Jesus in her final months. The last year of my Mom’s life caused me to think of Al Michael’s famous question from the 1980 Olympics. “Do you believe in miracles?”

I do believe in miracles. I have seen one.

I loved my Mom but our relationship was challenging. She was raised in a family where love was not expressed. She could be very negative and her comments had stung me over the years. I knew that she loved me fiercely but I will admit that I grieved for a more gracious expression of her love. My Mom could be really difficult.

As her health declined I prayed that her relationship with God would be clear to her and to her family. Last summer I journeyed to Ohio to visit her. A group of Christian friends in Texas told me they would pray that I could discuss salvation with my Mom. I thanked them for their concern but in my heart I felt they were naive. They did not know my Mom.

Fast forward a few days as I am sitting with my Mom. The conversation is mundane. Out of nowhere she dropped this bombshell.

“How can you be sure that you are going to heaven?”

You could have knocked me over with a feather and I immediately thought of those saints in Texas praying for exactly this moment. And I felt a bit of shame because I was the naive one who doubted the power of prayer. I shared the gospel with my Mom. She assured me that she had trusted Christ as her Savior. The next question was nearly as surprising.

“What if you trusted Christ but haven’t lived it?”

Wow. What do you say to that? I chose to tell her the truth. That she was a child of God but she had forfeited a lot of joy by not walking more faithfully with Him. She had likely missed chances to serve and probably many blessings the Lord had desired her to experience. Still, there was a nagging question in my mind that I lacked the courage to address. I knew there were people who had hurt my Mom deeply and she showed no signs of forgiveness. I was fairly certain she would take that bitter anger to her grave.

But Mom took those comments about living for Jesus to heart. She chose to try to live for Him with the rest of her days. She told my niece that she had prayed more in the last year than she had in her whole life. She regularly asked me to pray for her and told me she was praying for me and especially for Joni as my bride battled breast cancer.

My Mom began to regularly tell me she loved me. That was something you didn’t say in her family. You were just supposed to know it. A few weeks ago she told me she was sorry if she had hurt me with her words or actions. That was the first time I had heard those words from my Mom in 53 years. It was a powerful moment of grace and reconciliation between us. When I saw her last week she kissed me and said, “you don’t know how much you mean to me.” But she was wrong. I finally did.

But the real miracle happened in her last days. My niece asked Mom about a woman she had felt so much bitterness and hatred toward. When I was told about her response the words sent chills through me.

“Oh honey. That was in the past. I have forgiven her.”

What irony that I have been writing about forgiveness and my Mom gave me a miracle of forgiveness as her final gift. Forgiveness can happen. It is never too late. For those who think they cannot forgive I will tell you that with God it is possible. I have witnessed a miracle to start the New Year. I am saddened that my Mom is gone but I am rejoicing in her victory. She was able to lay her burdens at the foot of the Cross and pass unencumbered into the presence of the Lord. I praise God that I have not lost my Mom. Nope. Now I know exactly where she is.