Month: June 2008

Regular readers of these humble ramblings remember a daring effort called the iPod devotional series. It was daring because I would hit the random shuffle feature and write about whatever song came up in the sequence. Because of my weird music tastes the concept was fraught with potential peril. My marginal integrity was challenged when a song by Toby Keith appeared on the screen but I gave it a shot. Other events and ADD diverted me from the series. Today is author’s choice and the song is called Watching You by country singer Rodney Atkins. The song is reminiscent of a very poignant song by the late Harry Chapin called Cat’s in the Cradle. That song piled guilt on a lot of Dad’s in the 80’s, myself included.

Atkin’s song recalls his shock when his little boy drops a mild expletive after spilling his drink. The horrified Dad demands to know where he heard such language.

He said, I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad
I want to do everything you do.
So I’ve been watching you.

The incident may be humorous but the principle is sobering. Our children learn far more from watching their parents than from listening to them. This little boy demonstrates that if they do listen it will usually be at the wrong time!

The song goes on to detail a great response to his son’s revelation that he picked up that language from someone very close to him.

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said, “Lord, please help me help my stupid self.”
Just this side of bedtime later that night
Turnin’ on my son’s Scooby-doo nightlight.
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees.
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
Spoke to God like he was talkin’ to a friend.
And I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to pray like that?”

The answer is obvious. He was watching Dad as he had earlier bowed in repentance before the Lord. It took me awhile to figure out that my sons were watching even when they appeared disinterested or even distant. Thanks to a wonderful Mom and a lot of grace we have been blessed with three awesome sons. I have asked them to tell me what I did right and I also asked what I could have done better. Their answers were instructive. First, some positive things that our sons noted.

• We picked our battles carefully. Middle Son Scott told us that when we were passionate about an issue he knew it was important to us. We extended grace on most issues. For example, my wife graciously allowed the boy’s rooms to be a bit less tidy than she would have preferred. She knew that was not a battle worth fighting. She simply closed the door to their rooms and prayed for patience and for no rodents to nest.
• We prepared them to leave. Children are a gift that are entrusted to us for eighteen years or so. It is our job to prepare them to be independent and functional adults.
• We tried to model our faith during trials. When our daughter was born with a terminal birth defect we determined that our response would reflect how faith relates to life and especially to hard times.
• We learned to say “I was wrong” and “I am sorry”without “buts”. A wise person once told me that what follows the but is how that person actually feels. Parents must model that for their children.
• We carefully monitored friends.
• We tried to adapt to their unique design and not try to force them into our personal dreams.
• We attempted to innoculate them to sin. An innoculation is a controlled exposure to disease that builds up immunity to that malady. We felt that sheltering our sons from the world would not prepare them to live successfully in it.

But nothing is more important than simply living what you are saying. They are watching. They start out wanting to be just like us. For new parents and future parents there is no more important lesson than recognizing how carefully your children are watching you.

If your kids are grown or nearly grown let me offer a word of encouragement. I did a few things right but I also did some things very poorly. All three sons wished I had worked less and been home more. So do I. But love really does cover a multitude of sins. They have forgiven me for being absent too often. I hope they will learn from my mistakes as they begin families. If you feel you need to reconcile with your kids I would encourage you to do that today. Grace is amazing and redemption is always possible in Jesus.

Paul addressed the church at Thessalonica. He was trying to describe how he attempted to communicate with the believers there. It is instructive that Paul chose the example of parents twice.

As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

Later Paul makes this comparison.

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children…

And how does Paul describe those dealings? He says that they communicated like a father that is “encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory”.

That is a pretty good roadmap for a father to follow. Be encouraging. Comfort your child. And urge them to live lives worthy of God. There is no fooling them because they are watching. Always.

 

One of the dangers of Christian blogging is dealing with the spiritual hall monitors who seem to live only to smack your heretical knuckles with their ruler of truth. So I risk their wrath (carefully chosen word) with today’s post.

The movie The Shack has reunited a wave of debate, hand-wringing, defensiveness and condemnation in Evangelical circles. The book and the subsequent movie has been called dangerous, subversive and heretical by many critics. I didn’t know any of this when a friend told me that he really enjoyed the book and I should read it many years ago. Since I have a book addiction I soon was in possession. I finished The Shack and I thought it was a decent and often good read. I was challenged and touched by parts of the story.  And, to be honest, I was unsettled by some of it. After finishing the book I did some research to find out what others were saying about the book. Some of the critiques were valuable and thoughtful. These writers pointed out where the book deviated from scripture. Some of the orthodox theological missteps were outlined in clear detail. A thorough review of those concerns was written by author/blogger Tim Challies. I would suggest you balance that critique with another perspective to those objections from author Wayne Jacobson.  I will stay away from the theological debate because Tim and Wayne have done it so well. Instead I want to offer a few gentle propositions to consider for my fellow followers of Jesus as the discussion heats up.

1. Be careful about disparaging The Shack’s author, William P Young. Please be cautious about assigning motives to a person you don’t know from Adam and Eve’s first house cat. I know that I have been called things that were really surprising by my brothers and sisters in the faith simply because they disagreed with something I wrote. The truth is that I now disagree with some of things I have written in the past and I still think I am a decent guy. Mr. Young apparently was deeply wounded by Christians who should have protected him. I don’t believe Mr.Young set out to write a book that would rock the evangelical community. Apparently he didn’t even write the book with the thought of being published. It was originally written for family members to help them deal with their pain. It doesn’t seem that he set out with sinister motives to undermine theological orthodoxy. He is a fellow wounded traveler trying to reconcile his woundedness. When his theology is nonorthodox I am suggesting that we gracefully point out those areas and don’t attack Mr. Young. Defending truth with grace is always the most effective tactic. But our passion for truth too often makes grace the first thing we jettison.
2. Be careful how you share your concerns with others. When I read comments like “are these people just blind to heresy?” I cringe. Because you reinforce the feelings of so many people that are moved by this book and movie. They have experienced a Christianity that is judgmental and sometimes downright mean. If your heart is to be a guardian of truth you will damage that worthy desire by harsh criticism of those who are touched by The Shack.
3. Be prayerful about why this book has connected so surprisingly with millions. I think I know some reasons why the book and movie is resonating with so many. Those of us raised in the desert of legalism are desperate for the cool, refreshing waters of grace. Those of us who have been wounded by other Christians want more than anything to believe that Jesus does love us and our experience is not how it should be in the church. We need guardians of the truth of God’s Word but we also need those guardians to be shepherds that care and not just condemn. Some of the articles have been so stern that I felt like I would be sent to after school detention when the writer was done. That doesn’t help a wounded believer. Jesus said to both feed and take care of His sheep.
4. Don’t automatically decide you won’t see the movie. Why should you consider doing that if you believe the theology is off base? Because of a principle that I harp on over and over. When people open spiritual doors we should have enough sense to go through them. Instead we tend to slam those doors and then go knock loudly on doors that are closed. Obviously this book and movie is connecting. There is a deep spiritual hunger in America. If a fellow believer or seeker comments on the movie it will do little good to look down our spiritual nose and let them know the theology is all wrong. Instead I would suggest you see it and then engage the viewer. You will be able to get through some pretty intimate doors that this story opens and have a great discussion of truth and grace.
5. Be aware that God is doing just fine. I have seen some pretty dire warnings about this book and movie. One of the critiques that I read often is that the book makes God small. Aren’t we also making God small by being so concerned about the possible damage done by this story? God can, will and is using this movie. I agree the theology gets shaky at times. But the truth is that The Shack is causing many people to think about things they have never considered. Some are willing to try again after being deeply wounded. Shouldn’t we be praying that God will use us to come alongside these souls as they search and seek the truth?
6. Acknowledge that there are the things this movie does well. When you go negative it causes people to get defensive. It does more harm to make people who feel abandoned or hurt by the church feel “stupid” because they don’t know as much theology as you do. If you know that much theology don’t forget the grace sections.
7. Recognize the hunger in the body of Christ. While some of the theology in The Shack is askew I would suggest that the theology of millions of people in the church is also deficient. We have done a poor job of teaching (or understanding) some of the key teachings of Scripture. Most of us get salvation. We could not be reconciled to a Holy God on our own. But then it seems to get a bit spotty. Too many of us don’t understand key theological truths like who we are in Christ, who God says we are and who God says He is. We know truth but don’t trust it. What is in our head doesn’t invade our heart. The Shack has touched the hearts of millions. The door is open for a thoughtful and real discussion. I pray that we don’t blow it.

 Instead of taking readers of The Shack to the woodshed let’s take them to the room of grace.

Check out my newest book on Grace, Identity and Faith entitled Waking Up Slowly..

(Please accept this gently read previously posted article. Stay tuned for freshly minted blogs coming soon)

WASHINGTON – Gritty rats and mice living in sewers and farms seem to have healthier immune systems than their squeaky clean cousins that frolic in cushy antiseptic labs, two studies indicate. The lesson for humans: Clean living may make us sick. That was the AP story that caught my attention yesterday. And I pondered the odd theory that these disgusting rodents may offer a clue to ineffectual Christian living as well. Let us explore.

Associated Press Science writer Seth Borenstein writes about the recent research.

The studies give more weight to a 17-year-old theory that the sanitized Western world may be partly to blame for soaring rates of human allergy and asthma cases and some autoimmune diseases, such as Type I diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. The theory, called the hygiene hypothesis, figures that people’s immune systems aren’t being challenged by disease and dirt early in life, so the body’s natural defenses overreact to small irritants such as pollen.

The new studies, one of which was published Friday in the peer reviewed Scandinavian Journal of Immunology, found significant differences in the immune systems between euthanized wild and lab rodents.

When the immune cells in the wild rats are stimulated by researchers, “they just don’t do anything they sit there; if you give them same stimulus to the lab rats, they go crazy,” said study co-author Dr. William Parker, a Duke University professor of experimental surgery. He compared lab rodents to more than 50 wild rats and mice captured and killed in cities and farms.

A rat at a Brooklyn subway stop – AP Photo

Also, the wild mice and rats had as much as four times higher levels of immunoglobulins, yet weren’t sick, showing an immune system tuned to fight crucial germs, but not minor irritants, Parker said. He said what happened in the lab rats is what likely occurs in humans: their immune systems have got it so cushy they overreact to smallest of problems.

Challenged immune systems — such as kids who grow up with two or more pets — don’t tend to develop as many allergies, said Dr. Stanley Goldstein, director of Allergy & Asthma Care of Long Island.

Human epidemiological studies have long given credence to the hygiene theory, showing that allergy and asthma rates were higher in the cleaner industrialized areas than in places such as Africa. Parker’s studies, looking at animal differences, may eventually help scientists find when, where and how environmental exposure help protect against future allergies and immune disorders, said Goldstein, and Dr. Jeffrey Platt of the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota., both of whom were not part of Parker’s studies.

Parker said he hopes to build a 50-foot artificial sewer for his next step, so that he could introduce the clean lab rats to an artificial dirty environment and see how and when the immunity was activated.

That may be the biggest thing to come out of the wild and lab rodent studies, Platt said: “Then all of a sudden it becomes possible to expose people to the few things (that exercise the immune system) and gives them the benefit of the dirty environment without having to expose them to the dirt.”

A couple of thoughts immediately come to mind. First, how do you sell your boss on building a 50 foot artificial sewer? Second, I remembered the house that eldest and second sons lived in during their college years. Squeamish parents would stop at a gas station to use the bathroom before visiting the guys. We wondered why they were not sick all of the time. Now I realize that they were probably healthier than I ever could have hoped. These men utilized the brilliant strategy of creating an artificially dirty environment to stimulate a healthy immune system. It is always great when science validates slothfulness. And it is even greater when you can figure out a way to incorporate slothfulness into a sentence.

But how does this relate to an ineffectual Christian life? I think that the average Christian in America has also compromised our spiritual immune system by choosing a cushy and safe Christian experience. We have tuned our immune system not to fight crucial sin in our lives but to dwell on minor irritants. When you talk to fellow Christians are you passionately concerned about communicating the gospel to the world or about some minor irritant (person or program) at your church? Do we agonize over injustice in the world or petty injustice in our lives? Have we programmed our spiritual immune systems to battle pride and selfishness? Not likely. And by the way…I did not fare well in the pop quiz posed in this paragraph.

And the rats may hold another clue. I recently read a quote from an excellent book called Organic Church. The author noted that to reach the world for Christ we have to be willing to sit in the smoking section. I don’t mean to imply that all smokers are not Christian. The point is we have to be willing to get out of our “comfort bunkers”. 

Paul wrote this to the Roman church.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Paul is not saying that we are to avoid being conformed to the world by isolation from it. We are instead to be transformed by the Holy Spirit renewing our mind. Isolation does not transform us at all. If anything, isolation makes us lukewarm. Because we can’t have a robust spiritual immune system if we live in a sterile sanctuary environment only. And that may be where the rats can teach us the biggest lesson. Our tendency is to stay in the sterile lab (church) and never venture into the sewer (lives of hurting people). We have too often chosen the safe route of turning on the light and praying those in need will come to the light. Some will. But most will not. Instead we are called to take the light to those in need. Jesus noted that in the Sermon on the Mount.

 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. 

When Jesus says to let your light shine before men I think He was talking about Monday through Saturday as well as Sunday. I am sick of Sunday Christians. I have spent too many years putting my light under a bowl. I have too often chosen the safe and antiseptic sanctuary over the authentic and often dirty sewer of people in need. I want my spiritual immune system to attack real threats and not minor irritants.

That scares me. But not as much as not pursuing that scares me.

 I was rummaging through various news sites and I found that today is the happiest day of the year. Since my delayed flight arrived at 2 in the morning and they couldn’t find our rent car I nearly missed this joyous day. 

According to a scholar in seasonal disorders at a British university you should feel happier than you have all year today. Cliff Arnall has analyzed such factors as outdoor activities, nature, social interaction, childhood memories, temperature and holidays — data gathered over a period of nearly 20 years in interviews with thousands of people around the world. His conclusion is that for 2008 today, June 20th, is the happiest day of the year.  “People across borders experience happiness when they meet with friends and family and establish close social relationships,” the University of Cardiff academic reported. “We need some close emotional ties.” He used what he considers a “simple equation” to reach his conclusion — O + (N x S) + Cpm/T + He. O stands for outdoor activities, N for nature, S for social interaction, Cpm for childhood summers and positive memories, T for temperature and He for holidays and looking forward to time off.

Because I have written a lot about civility I am trying to be kind about this formula. Would it be impolite to suggest that I also have a formula about trying to determine the happiest day of the year? Mine would be something like this. P (H) = TN.  P for predicting, H for happiness, TN for Total Nonsense. I guess the grumpy old man factor came out there. I can understand how summer time, family, memories, and so on would lead to potential happiness. I also realize this is not hard science and a fun argument so please hold your cards and letters.

Why I am a bit skeptical of circumstance based formulas for happiness? Because I am beginning to figure out that you can have joy even when circumstances wouldn’t necessarily reflect that emotion. Circumstances might dictate that today is far from the happiest day for you. Joni and I have traveled a difficult journey over the past three years as we navigated her breast cancer battle.

We found joy in this formula. J + P + (F x L) + T = Joy. 

J is for Jesus, P is for Prayer, F is for friends, L is for laughter, and T is for trust. The formula works for us.

The Psalmist wrote these words.

This is the day the LORD has made;
       let us rejoice and be glad in it.

He has made both June 20th and the 364 less happy days that are envious of today. But I am actually okay with calling this the happiest day of the year for me. Because I am choosing to follow the instruction of Nehemiah to Ezra. You might remember these words from a Sunday School song.

For the joy of the LORD is your strength

Circumstance will too often rob you of joy. The airline industry certainly does their part. But you can choose joy in the Lord today. Mix liberal does of Jesus, prayer, friends and laughter together. Trust that it will work. Repeat tomorrow.

 

 

Okay, I admit it. I like country music. I also like rock, Motown, jazz, pop, folk, gospel and classical music. But I once tried to distance from country in an ill-fated attempt to be sophisticated. To quote an old family idiom that effort was like putting earrings on a hog. I am a small town boy and my roots are in the hills of Kentucky. So I no longer deny that I have a few banjos and some fine squirrel recipes in my genetic pool.

In addition to the chromosomal predisposition toward Nashville I am developing a deep appreciation for the honesty of country music. It is one of the few safe places to discuss God and country and marriage and old fashioned values without fear of politically correct busybodies getting their undergarments twisted. We all laugh at a few outrageously titled country tunes but there are many that reflect exactly who I am. A proud father, a husband who married way up, a patriotic American and an unabashed follower of Jesus. Not exactly attributes that would make me an A-lister at elite parties.

So a couple of days ago I downloaded (legally) the latest CD from country duo Montgomery Gentry. I had used their song Some People Change in an earlier iPod Devotional article. As dog friend Hannah and I walked I was amazed at how many of their songs led me to spiritual thoughts and meditation. So here is a little review of my Montgomery Gentry devotional.

The first cut on the album begins with a fiery preacher railing at an old fashioned revival meetin’. I remembered stories of churches that took the verse in Mark about juggling snakes quite literally while ignoring many other important texts like love your neighbor. I would need a burning bush from God to pursue that activity (I mean the snake part). But the song reminded me of how we hang our hats on verses and things that don’t matter and miss the meaning, maturity and mission that God has for us.

The title track, Back When I Knew It All, resonated with me. The lyrics describe the passage of many of us.

Back when the world was flat and mama and daddy didn’t have a clue
That was back…back when a pitcher of beer and a couple shots made me bulletproof
Back when God was a name I used in vain to get a point across when I got ticked off
Lord I’m learning so much more……than back when I knew it all

I realize now how little I really knew about being a man and about walking with Jesus. I had bad theology and bad motives so it should come as no big surprise that I was a bad Christian. I was judgmental because I knew exactly what those “sinners” should be doing. I didn’t know their circumstances or challenges. I didn’t care enough to pray for them or come alongside them to help. I just knew they were wrong and I was better than them. At least I felt that way back when I knew it all. Here is another part of the lyric…

I’ve learned that love is a woman that will settle you down
a Sunday sermon can turn life around
Man I can’t believe all the answers I’ve found
since ….back when I knew it all

The song “Long Line of Losers” talks about coming from a unusually dysfunctional family even by country music standards. One line stood out to me.

My bloodline made me who I am.

I thought about the incredible Gospel and how putting your trust in Jesus can reverse that long line of losers legacy. The Cross is not only about forgiveness of sin but also about receiving a new identity. Our old self is also put to death. That long line of losers label no longer applies to those who trust Christ. That old loser mentality is no longer who we are but we have a really hard time trusting that truth. My family bloodline made me who I was. God says that the bloodline of His Son makes me who I am.

“When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous…”  (Titus 3, NLT)

God has declared me righteous. A saint. His child. Amazing.

The theme continued with the song God Knows Who I Am. The words talk about realizing that God knows exactly who I am and He still loves me completely. I once agreed completely with the theology expressed in this bit of lyric from that song.

I’m a full time sinner and a part time saint
I ain’t afraid of fear
If it makes me a better man
God knows who I am

Now I have to gently disagree with that theology. I have changed my view of who I am. I have a new identity. I am a full-time saint that still sometimes sins. That is not how I feel a lot of the time. But that is who God says I am. And who am I to argue?

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. (2 Cor 5, NLT) 

God knows who I am and He says I am changed. He sees Christ in me. I stand in amazement and worship. And that realization, not fear, makes me a better man.

 

 

Monday’s are always an exciting time to walk the world wide dog web for canine friend Hannah. She found dozens of obviously urgent p-mails apparently left over the weekend. And she left more messages than I thought was physiologically possible. I thought I was going to have to hook her up to an IV to ward off dehydration. I have to say that Hannah provided the only amusement for this morning.

My thoughts and prayers were wrapped around fellow followers of Jesus that are hurting today. Some are very close to me. Some I know only because they have connected through my books and blogs. This message in the cyber mailbox is typical of many that I receive.

I really enjoyed your book, When Bad Christians happen to Good People. The problem is that I’m one of those good people. I have been a pastor for over 8 years and I’m done. I’ve been hurt so many times that I can’t care for people anymore because I can’t take one more shot of pain when they turn on me. I need to get out of the professional Christian area of life.

That just breaks my heart. It seems to be far too common in the church. And I know already that some of you reading those comments are thinking things like this…

Come on. Suck it up. Get in the Word. Why are you doing this anyway? Didn’t Jesus say we would suffer? Buck up! Try harder! Quit whining. Yada-yada-yada.

I have been the person that thought those thoughts. Forgive me. Now I wrap myself in grace and pray for these wounded saints. I know far too many people who are sincere and dedicated followers of Christ who are tired, discouraged and ready to give up. At best they hope to live out the strategy I saw on a t-shirt recently.

1. Get out of bed
2. Survive
3. Go back to bed

They hope at the end of that cycle there will be eternity with Jesus. During the morning sojourn I listened to a song by Sugarland that expressed my frustration. The song was written about a unfullfilling job and bad boss but the chorus nicely fits a unfullfilling life and bad theology.

There’s gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I’m gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I’m looking for
There’s gotta be something more

My heart and spirit tell me there has to be more than this. When I put my full trust in Christ almost four decades ago I did not sign up to be sad, discouraged and tired. In the past year God has been showing me that it does not have to be that way. There is something more. I have realized a couple of things that cause us to spiritually flatline.

1. We don’t know, don’t remember or don’t really trust who God says He is.
2. We don’t know, don’t remember or don’t really trust who God says we are.

If we believe that God is loving, powerful and faithful then we can put our full trust in that truth. If we believe we are forgiven completely, given a new identity, made holy in His sight, and called His child then we can believe we are worthy to receive God’s love.

But I would submit that most of us fall short on one or both of those items. I have mentioned before that the book TrueFaced and the Grace Romans CD series have literally changed my relationship with Jesus. I talked one of my TV buddies into checking out the Grace Romans CD series. I just got this message last week.

Subject: Mind being blown up…

“OK so today I got to Romans 8:5-11….the 1st one on the Holy Spirit…man it was so powerful…I sat in my chair this morning stunned….it is one of those things…I kinda knew it…but did not really get it..(not that I do now fully)…but oh man…I can’t wait till the study stuff gets here so I can dive even deeper…thanks again for the recommendation…”

If any of this resonates with you I would ask, exhort, beg and plead with you to order the TrueFaced book, Romans TrueFaced Grace CD series or both. I get nothing out of this. I just believe it is the most approachable and clearest book on practical theology that I have found. Maybe I will beg you to buy my next book that covers what God has been revealing to me when it is published. But for now I paraphrase the video professor dude.

Buy their product.

There is something more. I pray you will find it. Don’t give up till you do.

Every dad leaves a legacy. I have learned a few things through trial and many errors about being a dad who is trying to leave a positive legacy. Previous installments detailed two ways to leave a good legacy.

1. Love Your Wife
2. Affirm Your Kids

Today we will examine two more ways to establish a positive legacy. And we are adding a very dangerous twist today. I polled my three sons about my strengths and (gasp) shortcomings as their father. Those knee-buckling results were both sobering and encouraging.

First, the third way to leave a positive legacy as a dad.

   3.  Enjoy every mile of the journey

The best description I have heard about being a parent is this bit of wisdom:  “Parenting…the days are long and the years are short.”

In his book, Being a Good Dad When You Didn’t Have One, Tim Wesemann gives his readers a two-word piece of advice: “Lighten up!”  He says that adults laugh an average of 15 times a day while children laugh 400 more times. “Sometime between childhood and adulthood, we lose 385 laughs a day! That’s a great loss!” Wesemann says.  “Maybe we need not only the faith of a child but the funny bone of one as well.”

I agree. One of my favorite moments happened on a family trip. Brett is several years younger than his siblings. I was addressing his older brothers’ behavior when I snapped at the boys and said in my best dad voice, “You are acting like children.” Brett was only five, and he thought I was including him in the accusation. He pondered the comment and then said, “But I am a children.” The laughter from the backseat derailed my dad authority and it definitely lightened the moment. The family that can laugh together has a huge advantage in the journey.

The Psalmist wrote these words:  “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Sometimes it is hard to remember what a blessing those little ones are when they are holding their breath at Wal-Mart. I encourage parents to enjoy every phase of their children’s journey. And I learned that what your children take away as favorite memories may be surprising. One of the questions I asked my sons was their favorite memories of time with me. I expected that they would remember the big trips we took together or some expensive outing. I was humbled by their responses.

Firstborn son Matt:   “My favorite memories are throwing the baseball/football in the front yard of our Pecan Valley house, going to baseball games and growing up around sports.” 

Secondborn son Scott:   “Playing catch in the backyard for hours on end, even when your knees hurt.  Going to cut down Christmas Trees every November and stopping at the Dairy Queen on the way home.”

Youngest son Brett:   “You coaching my sports teams and going to cut down the Christmas tree.”

It was the little things that counted for them. The memories that really mattered to them were things that cost me only time. Each one of the boys felt valued when they felt I had sacrificed or made a special effort to spend time with them. I thought the big things mattered the most but I was wrong.

   4. Be a Role Model

The fourth way to leave a positive legacy is to model what you are teaching. Here is a powerful quote from Clarence Budington Kelland:  “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and he let me watch him do it.” Wow. I have seen that prove out in my own life. I can tell you exactly what my father modeled for me,  but I would have a hard time remembering any of his lectures. I believe that is an overlooked component of the wisdom expressed in Proverbs:  “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” That training should include being a role model and then the verbal training will sink in. Being an authentic role model makes the message effective.

You are a role model for your children, like it or not. Your children will, to one degree or another, model their lives after you. You have inherited some of your father’s characteristics and your children are inheriting some of yours.

Brett wrote in his responses,  “you are my biggest influence for everything.”  Scary. Whether you know it or not (or mean to or not), you are influencing the lives of your children and your children’s children.

You ARE a role model and every dad needs to reflect on that responsibility.

In Deuteronomy we find a great bit of advice for dads:  “Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don’t forget anything of what you’ve seen. Don’t let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you’ve seen and heard to your children and grandchildren.”

You are preparing your children to leave home. That is your job as parents. Someday, they’ll take what they’ve learned from you and begin to apply it out in the real world. You’ve got approximately 18 years to get them ready. I have joked that Joni and I had a sign on their bedroom doors that read, “Checkout Time is 18 Years…No Exceptions!” But we both believed we were stewards of our sons with the charge of preparing them to leave.

When I asked my boys what I had taught them, this is what I read:

From Scott:  “You taught me to love the Lord and trust Him with my life.  Your spiritual growth over the past decade has inspired me and taught me a lot about how to grow in the Lord. You taught me to be loyal and hard working in everything I’m involved with, and most importantly, to never give up.  Burchet’s aren’t quitters, even if they want to be sometimes.”

From Brett:  “You taught me how to be a strong Christian man and how to play sports.”

From Matt:  “Never quit something you started. Work hard. Do everything with excellence. Treat everybody with respect and genuine kindness.”

Before you think that I am some really great Dad, let’s return to the third question I asked the boys: what they wish I had done differently. Their responses were consistent and they saddened me. I share this in the hope that young dads will take this to heart.

Matt:    “I wish you could have been home more.”
Scott:  “I wish you could have been home more.”
Brett:   “I wish you could have been home more.”

And here is what I wish I had done differently. I wish I would have been home more. I cannot change the past. God is gracious and loving. My relationship with all of my boys is wonderful despite those misplaced priorities at times. Love does cover a multitude of sins. My sons know they are loved. They know they have my approval and respect. I am blessed by them.