Month: March 2009

Welcome to today’s edition of the iPod Devotional Series. The selection today is…Drift Away by Dobie Gray.  A bit of research revealed that Dobie Gray was born in a small Texas town west of Houston. His granddaddy was a Baptist minister and had a huge influence on Dobie according to his website biography. I would have loved to have seen how Dobie later broke the news to his granddaddy that he was starring in the Broadway musical Hair. Explaining the dancing was the least of his challenges if you know what I mean. At any rate, Dobie Gray is best known for today’s song, Drift Away. Here are some of the lyrics.

Day after day I’m more confused
So I look for the light in the pouring rain
You know that’s a game that I hate to lose
I’m feelin’ the strain, ain’t it a shame

Those lyrics caused me to reflect on the millions of emotionally lonely and hurting people in a country of ridiculous wealth and success. I have a heart for wounded people and especially those wounded by the church and by “bad Christians”. I am constantly getting e-mails and notes from people who have left the church or never joined because of ugly experiences with people who claim the title of Christian. I can’t dispute their claim to a relationship with Jesus. They may well be Christians. But they surely are not acting like Jesus taught His followers to act.

An article about Sam Harris caused me to receive some responses from those who deny or have not accepted faith. One writer who posted said this.

“Came across your article about Sam Harris. I am an atheist and actually appreciate a Christian that would have the restraint to not “wish ill on Sam Harris.”. That, to me, is refreshing.”

If you are a Christian reading that comment does that break your heart? It should. How does a very small expression of grace generate this response? That it is refreshing that I am not vengeful toward an author who disagrees with me? That is truly a sad reflection on us as followers of Christ. The post also said that “too many Christians feel it is their duty to tell me, and those like me, how to live. It is in our gov’t, in our schools, in our sporting events, in most every aspect of life in America.”

May I gently defend some of my fellow believers. In a sense you are right about Christians feeling it is their “duty” to tell others about Jesus. It is not their duty to tell you how to live. That is where we get it so very wrong. Here is what I believe about expressing my faith to others.

When we love others sacrificially our message becomes inviting…not proselytizing. If you have ever been around a Christian who is truly living these words then you know how attractive that lifestyle can be. Saint Francis of Assisi wonderfully observed that we should “preach the gospel at all times…if necessary, use words.”  I have personally witnessed the power of letting the gospel message flow out of actions and not out of condemning words.

But to those reading this who are of a different faith or no faith at all I must confess my dilemma to you. If I truly believe Christianity to be the truth and if my faith in Christ has genuinely changed my life then how can I not tell you? Why should you be offended if I care enough to reach out gently and in love?

Michael Kinsley wrote a similar sentiment in Time magazine  about the anger that some folks feel toward Christians who seem compelled to share their faith.

 “You may not agree that your soul needs saving, but why is he wrong to try as long as he isn’t prying away your soul against your will? As an ethnically Jewish nonbeliever, I find this fuss over conversion utterly baffling…But an insult? In a way, it is insulting to Jews that Fundamentalist Christians don’t try harder to convert us. Oh sure, they’re friendly enough now. But wait until Judgment Day. Then it will be, `Sorry, we seem to have lost your reservation.’ And from this perspective, the Jewish policy of actively discouraging converts to Judaism starts to seem like `theological arrogance’ indeed. At the same time, when you object to noncoercive conversion, it starts to look like the opposite of arrogance: theological insecurity. What are you afraid of? The decision will be made by you or by God, and in either case, there is no ground for complaint.”

I suspect that technique is too often the rub. I was a victim of over the top zealous religious people as a teenager. I am still a little amazed that I eventually came to faith. I have wrestled with a period of intellectual doubt where I read the works of atheists and skeptics. I came out on the other still a believer that Jesus is who He said He was. The Son of the Living God. I cannot “force” others to reach that same conclusion. If I care about  you I will naturally want to share the most important thing in my life. But I think you have some rights as the hearer of my message. I wrote the following in When Bad Christians Happen to Good Christians.

The Unbelievers Bill of Rights…

    * I have the right to never have faith forced on me.
    * I have the right to never be treated in a condescending manner.
    * I have the right to always hear the truth.
    * I have the right for you to patiently hear my concerns and doubts.
    * I have the right to seek answers to those questions and doubts that you can’t answer.
    * I have the right to be steered to resources for my own study and investigation.
    * I have the right to be loved no matter how I respond to the gospel message.

I hope that I honor you by following the list above. I hope you will understand that my wanting to let you know about the most important thing in my life honors you as well.

Sorry for the detour…back to Dobie Gray.

Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

I guess all of us are looking for something to free our souls. I have found that in Jesus. Most who write to me disputing my faith demand proof. I cannot prove God in the way that they demand. At the end of the day we can look at the same evidence and reach a different conclusion. Because no matter how much evidence either one of us lines up eventually it will come down to a step of faith. I examined the evidence and decided, yes, there is a possibility that God exists. Then I examined what that means in my life. And I believed that Jesus is the Son of God. The Messiah who came to redeem me and justify my sin before God. Others take the position (by faith) that God does not exist. I believe it is not intellectually honest to unequivocally say there is no God because no one has total knowledge. You can be, in your mind, 99.9% sure but I think you have to allow that little chance that God is possible. Just a final note to anyone who finds this site who believes that believes that all Christians are pushy and intolerant. Some are. But if you want a place of grace filled and honest discussion I hope you will become a regular here. We have much to discuss.

(This is a gently read, low mileage previously published article. Thanks for your patience as I work on some new stuff for the reissue of When Bad Christians Happen To Good People. Sadly there is no shortage of new material.)

Last week I was out strolling with dog friend Hannah and thinking about the lesson I would be teaching on Sunday. Recently I have been devouring the TrueFaced Grace series based on the book of Romans. This series of messages continues to challenge, clarify and mature me in my journey with Jesus. Teachers John Lynch and Bill Thrall are teaching truth that is a couple of thousand years old but they have a gift of connecting the dots in a way that rocks me to my core.

So I decided to relate what God was teaching me from Romans and steal…uhhh…resource some of the material from the TrueFaced CD. I am always upfront about giving proper credit to the Leadership Catalyst boys. I figure if I make anyone mad I can simply blame them.

So I am walking along, thinking about Paul’s argument concerning the law. At that moment this song comes up randomly on my iPod.

Breakin’ rocks in the … hot sun
I Fought the Law and the … law won
I Fought the Law and the … law won
I needed money, ’cause I … had none
I Fought the Law and the … law won
I Fought the Law and the … law won

And I smiled and realized that was so true. Many years ago I examined God’s Word and I realized that I could not keep the law and live a sinless life that would allow me to be declared innocent in front of a Holy God. For a while I fought the law and the law won in a contest that was as lopsided as the Globetrotters playing the Washington Generals. I realized I could never reconcile with a Holy God on my own merit. James pretty much let all of the air out of my self-effort balloon with this little gem.

For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws. (James 2, NLT)

I had broken large chunks of the law and obviously there would be no grading on the curve. If I had to depend on keeping the law I was doomed. Then, and I promise I am not making this up, this song by Johnny Cash came up next. 

There was a time on Earth when in the books of Heaven
That an Old Account was standin’ for sins yet unforgiven
My name was at the top there was many things below
But I went unto the keeper and I settled it long ago

Long ago,yes long ago I said the Old Account was settled long ago
And my record’s clear today ’cause he washed my sins away
And the Old Account was settled long ago

And that, in simple iPod theology, is justification. I cannot keep the law. God justified me and declared me righteous because of Jesus and His substitutionary death. Just as Paul argued to the Romans centuries ago that Abraham was declared righteous by believing and not for behaving. So it is with me.

From  the moment I trusted Jesus God credited to my account His righteousness. When I screw up He refuses to put that against my account. Do I believe that? That is the amazing grace of the gospel. I am as righteous as Abraham. I don’t have to work or beg or strive for it. That is crazy. But that is what God’s word is saying.

So what happens if I believe this? Won’t I take advantage? I know me. I am lazy and undependable and easily distracted. Won’t I just become a sluggard for Jesus? I will tell you what happens if you really get this.

You will worship. It actually becomes not about me but about Him. And you will behave better. The following thought is borrowed from the TrueFaced CD because I could not write it any better. I did change the name in the quote to my bride’s name. I mention that because I did not want you to think Joni left me for a better speaker.

I have learned with Joni that I don’t do right stuff to earn her love. That is what I used to do. I do right stuff because I have found her love.
That changes how I love her and that changes how she responds. That is what this truth does. I don’t do right stuff to earn the love of Jesus. I do right stuff because I have found His love.

That is grace. Grace gives and we simply need to believe to receive it.

(The most read post in the humble ramblings history is an article based on Craig Morton’s song “I Thought I Was Tough”. The song perfectly chronicled my bride’s battle with breast cancer. This weekend we quietly celebrated her third year as a “survivor”. Here is that original article with some updates.)

I am not a crier. So it was a bit out of character when the tears started flowing as I drove through the canyon in downtown Dallas. I blame Lindsay for this event. Lindsay is my bride’s cousin who moved to Texas. She already loved country music so that saved us some time in not having to indoctrinate her. We love having her in Texas but she is going to have to stop introducing me to songs that make driving dangerous.

Lindsay told us about a song that we just had to hear. So I downloaded it to the trusty iPod and fired it up as I drove to work yesterday. The song is called Tough and it is performed by Craig Morgan. If you know much about our past year you will quickly see why this song had the Old Yeller/Field of Dreams effect on the eyeballs. The lyrics start innocently enough…

She’s in the kitchen at the crack of dawn
Bacon’s on, coffee’s strong
Kids running wild, taking off their clothes
If she’s a nervous wreck, well it never shows
Takes one to football and one to dance
Hits the Y for aerobics class
Drops by the bank, stops at the store
Has on a smile when I walk through the door
The last to go to bed, she’ll be the first one up
And I thought I was tough

Chorus:

She’s strong, pushes on, can’t slow her down
She can take anything life dishes out
There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough

That made me smile as I remembered the days when Joni juggled three active boys through school, baseball, basketball and forced Cotillion dance lessons. I was a little too absent as I carved out my career. I finally realized how tough she really was to raise three wonderful sons while her husband traveled around the country and world. I appreciated how tough she was while sacrificing weekends with our friends because sports teams insist on playing on the weekends and sports television was my job. So a mixture of fond memories and some regrets filled my mind when I got ambushed by the next verse.

We sat there five years ago
The doctors let us know the tests showed
She’d have to fight to live, I broke down and cried
She held me and said it’s gonna be alright
She wore that wig to church
Pink ribbon pinned there on her shirt
No room for fear, full of faith
Hands held high, singing Amazing Grace
Never once complained, refusing to give up
And I thought I was tough

I am not ashamed to admit that those words turned on the waterworks. That is my bride and that has been her journey. She has been full of faith from diagnosis day till this moment. No room for fear because she believes that faith in God casts out fear as you rest in His Sovereign hand. I have probably complained more about my knees aching than she has about cancer. And she has refused to give up because she wants to live and serve the Lord. If I thought I was tough that misguided notion fell by the wayside as I watched Joni battle cancer with the courage that a young shepherd boy challenged a Philistine giant. Now we have passed the three year mark, the scans have been clear and the treatments are done.

How can I thank all of you who have prayed so faithfully over the past three years? Many of you have prayed so diligently and I don’t even know you. We may never meet this side of eternity. Yet you have cared enough to pray for us throughout this long journey. Amazing. Joni has long since retired the wig. I kid her that she looks completely B.C. (before cancer). 

 Joni looking gorgeous with Hair 2.0.

Joni’s strength and dignity throughout this trial humbled me. There was a time before she was mine when I thought I was tough. No more. But there is one other thing I learned during this difficult journey. I remembered Paul’s words to the church at Philippi.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Most of us quit quoting Paul at that point. We lecture about being mature in the faith and being content. We rightly point out that our dependence is on Christ. But we forget a couple of key points. Paul says he has “learned” these truths. It was a process for him as well. And we forget that Paul also needed the encouragement and prayers of the body of Christ to help him trust these truths.

Yet it was good of you to share in my (our) troubles.  (Philippians 4)

Thank you. It really was good of you to share in our troubles. And we are so grateful and humbled to have so many of you as a part of our community of faith.

Today is a bit of deja vu for me. I am in the middle of my real job which is television sports directing. This week I am working at a college basketball tournament. You may know that some of the humble ramblings appear at Crosswalk.com. I look at the credentials of my fellow bloggers on Crosswalk and I have to chuckle. Lots of doctorates and titles. Perhaps they haven’t noticed that my bio is filled with items like, “Dave is a member of Sam’s Club and once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.”

The deja vu moment came from the realization that it was during a similar March madness basketball tournament that I got the inspiration for what would become my incredibly modestly selling book, “Bring’em Back Alive“.  Here is an excerpt from the introduction.

My spiritual insights generally aren’t revealed during television broadcasts of women’s basketball. I suspect that hardly makes me unique. But inspiration came clearly and forcefully during a telecast of an NCAA Women’s basketball tournament game from Boulder, Colorado.

Let me set the stage for you. I am a television sports director. I call the camera shots that dictate what you see on your screen at home. Yes, I am the faceless guy you yell at to see this shot or that reaction. On this night an undermanned (or should I say underpersoned?) Louisiana State University women’s team was battling Colorado. And battling was the right word since LSU was down to only seven players who were dressed to play in the game. Five key players sat injured on the bench in civilian clothes. That was the background for my spiritual revelation.

I selected some shots of the tired players on the court. “LSU has fought gamely”, the announcers reported. “With only seven players on the active roster.” I took a shot of the five players in street clothes. “But when these five talented contributors are nursed back to health and you add a group of skilled recruits…LSU is going to be a powerful force next year.”  Then it hit me. We don’t follow that simple principle in the church. When we have injured and wounded players it is often too easy to ignore them and simply concentrate on recruiting new ones. I have watched dear friends walk away from my church “team” and I realized that my life and the body life of my church would never be quite the same. We lose the value of experience and depth that healing those wounded Christians would bring. I have wondered if we throw the term “church family” around a bit too loosely because I surely would pursue and attempt to heal a member of my genetic family that wanders away.

Do the math on my basketball example. If LSU returns seven players plus heals the five injured and brings in five recruits they have seventeen to choose from. If they discard the wounded they have only twelve players to enter the battle. How much talent and ability have we removed from the church by not aggressively seeking to find and heal our wounded lambs? And we must not ignore the uncomfortable fact that many injured lambs sit near us every Sunday. They have not wandered off physically but they have left us emotionally and are therefore rendered ineffective for the Kingdom.

That was written about six years ago. The volume of emails and notes that I get tells me we still have an enormous problem with our “injured” saints. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give us the heart to seek them and help restore wounded saints to the team. We need them. The body of Christ needs every single family member to be fully healthy.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son  into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.  I John 4

Am I suffering from March “madness” to dream and believe this can really happen? It can. If we allow God to love us and love through us.

A clarification for those unfamiliar with the strange world of sports television. We are like Carnival workers with fewer tatoos (generally) going from one traveling show to another. I still have other freelance contracts and work. The SEC package was just special and will be missed. So no retirement for now. And no bailout from the government. Good thing because I am small enough to fail. So it is on to the next town to set up the Tilt-A-Whirl! If you really are concerned about me feel free to buy one or both of my books.

John Lennon of the Beatles once noted that “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”.  Life is happening this week as I wrap up a wonderful season of my career and life. For twenty-six years my life has been ordered by the rhythms of Southeastern Conference basketball. Starting in January of 1984 and every New Year since I have packed up and traveled the landscape of the SEC. This week at the Southeastern Conference Tournament my 26 year run of directing SEC games will end as the Raycom Sports contract expires. 

I loved this package and working for Raycom and their predecessors (SPI, Lorimar, Jefferson Pilot, Lincoln Financial). Losing something dear to you is always sad. But life has happened and I am choosing to remember twenty-six years of great athletes and great games. I have had the privilege of directing games featuring superstars like Shaquille O’Neal, Charles Barkley and Allan Houston. My tenure in the Conference saw five national championships spread among Arkansas, Florida and Kentucky. Colorful coaches like Wimp Sanderson, Dale Brown, Rick Pitino and Nolan Richardson prowled the sidelines. I have been blessed to be a part of this.

The games will go on next year. I will not be missed by many (if any) viewers. Charles DeGaulle once made this sage observation.

The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men.

I realize how blessed I have been to have had such a lengthy run. I know that I am not indispensable nor are my Raycom colleagues. But there will be some changes that make me sad and that will change the tradition of SEC television. For thirty years viewers have been treated to one of the great broadcasters in this business. Tom Hammond has built an amazing career of Olympic and network success. Yet he has always come home to SEC basketball every January. He worked Starkville and Columbia into his ridiculous schedule for one reason. He loves this conference and this package of games. Tom will wrap up his thirtieth season this Saturday in Tampa. He will be missed.

I am sad because Tom’s partner Larry Conley will also wrap up a great run of analyzing and promoting Southeastern Conference basketball. Larry will be missed. Basketball fans have had three decades of Deans in their living rooms. Joe Senior gave way to Joe Junior and both have entertained and informed generations of fans. I am sad because talented broadcasters like Tim Brando, Dave Neal, Barry Booker and Dave Baker will finish their run with Raycom Sports SEC basketball this weekend.

I am sad because I will not get to work next season with producer Roger Roebuck. He is a good producer and better man. I will remember previous tournaments as I watch the editing and creative wizardry of producer Dave Barringer displayed in the music open “Heroes”.I will miss working with the great Gary Clem at the tournament each year. I will have a 43 second moment of silence to honor my relationship with him.

I am sad because I know I may not get to work again with some of the best television crew members in the business. I am sure we will say the the same things that we do in high school, college and when we move to another city.

“We will stay in touch for sure.”

But generally we do not. I have been so fortunate to work with these world class professionals. A big part of the reason I have lasted twenty-six years is that these talented pros have made me look good. I know that. I realized long ago that I am a pretty good director when I have a really good crew. Go figure. For two decades I have looked forward to my annual reunion with these friends and colleagues. Enjoy their work this weekend. They truly are among the best in the country.

One of the great blessings in my life has been my relationship with Executive Producer Jimmy Rayburn. We started out together twenty-seven years ago doing basketball for USA Network. I have never worked for a better man than Jimmy Rayburn. His loyalty and integrity is legendary. A golden retriever would look disloyal compared to Jimmy. I have been honored to work with and later for Jimmy Rayburn.

I have the amazing privilege of directing the last Raycom SEC broadcast on Saturday. When we fade to black I will likely be emotional. But I hope that I will remember how blessed I have been to work in this awesome conference with great announcers and the best crew around. Not many guys get to put in 26 years on the same gig. We are going through the book of Ecclesiastes at our church. You might be surprised to learn that The Byrds did not write these original lyrics.

For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
 A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

So that is the plan. Be happy. Enjoy myself. Enjoy my colleagues, friends and fruits of our labor. Might even eat and drink a bit with the guys. And remember that these are gifts from God. I have been grateful for the chance to bring lots of great SEC memories into millions of homes. It has been a privilege.

 

 

 

Yahoo.com had a link right there on the front page with this intriguing title.

Qualities in a man that can predict lasting love.

I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not looking for a man with these qualities. My interest was to see if I brought any of those projected qualities to my relationship with the stunning Mrs.Burchett. I actually joined the Men Who Married Up group on Facebook so I can handle the truth. I am going to self-score to see how I measured up 34 years ago when Joni was deciding if I was a keeper. Author Mina Azodi came up with five different traits that she believes can predict lasting love.

Dating Trait #1: He Knows What He Wants

Any guy you’re serious about should be able to articulate his long-term goals and passions (sorry, fantasy football and Xbox don’t count). He can’t ally himself with you until he has a sense of how he envisions his life in the future… and how you fit in. “If a man has no idea what he wants to be when he ‘grows up,’ then it will be impossible for him to commit to you,” says Paul Dobransky, MD, founder of womenshappiness.com. Don’t assume he’ll work things out, because when he does, you may realize his ambitions don’t mesh with yours. “This mistake has contributed to the starter-marriage phenomenon, in which couples in their 20s and 30s suddenly realize they’re going in different directions and divorce at an early age,” says Dobransky. “It’s preventable as long as you’re both clear about your plans.”

Hmmmm. That is a tough one. I thought I had it figured out at that point in my life so Joni might have believed I had this trait. But I didn’t really know what I wanted in my early twenties.

Dating Trait #2: He Has a Sunny Outlook

A recent study led by the University of Oregon found that women who had upbeat partners felt more satisfied in their relationships and — this is huge — that the man’s level of optimism determined the relationship’s staying power. Not only is it nice to have someone help you see the silver lining of a situation that totally sucks, but cheerful guys are good at keeping things in perspective, so they don’t let little conflicts get to them and can go with the flow.
Along with having an optimistic POV, it’s also crucial that the guy you’re seeing can make you laugh. “It’s an important stress valve for any couple,” says Les Parrott, PhD, coauthor of “Trading Places.” “Having a sense of humor helps you weather the rough patches that you’ll inevitably encounter together.” It shows that he is able to let loose and doesn’t take things too seriously. Plus, you’ll have a better time together if you can see the funny side of things.

I scored really well on this one. Most people assume Joni married me because I made her laugh. I can’t argue with that assumption unless she had an odd attraction to bad 70’s hair and ugly polyester shirts with big pointy collars.

Dating Trait #3: He’s Open to Changing for You

It’s true you may not be able to change a man, but a guy should want to change for you. If a facet of his behavior irks you (for example, maybe he’s not attentive enough in certain circumstances), he should be game to hear you out, listen to how you’d like him to do things differently, and then act on those suggestions. “When a guy is truly in love, he is more self-reflective and will work on the aspects of himself that bother you,” says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of “Love in 90 Days.” “Studies have found that successful married couples change each other quite a bit over time.”

Hate to spoil the party but a lot of guys are “willing to feign” openness to change during the dating process. I am not sure how predictive that is of future behavior. I would have scored pretty well on this prior to marriage but I reverted back to old patterns early in our marriage.

Dating Trait #4: He’s Still a Little Mysterious

The beginning of a relationship is always exciting because you’re just getting to know each other. But even after the newness wears off, it’s essential that a man keeps you guessing. “If you can never quite pin down what makes him tick, that’s actually a healthy thing,” says Kirschner. Although at first you might feel more bonded to a guy who shares tons of personal info with you, over time, you risk losing the intrigue that pulled you to him initially. You might start to see him as more of a friend than a romantic partner.

That just makes me chuckle. I think mysterious would never me a word used to describe me. Weird might work. Hiddenness maybe. But I don’t consider hiddenness to be a particularly attractive trait.

Dating Trait #5: He’s Responsible with Money

Besides giving you a heads-up about money-related conflicts you might encounter in the future (one of the topics long-term couples argue about most), how a guy handles cash reveals a lot about his character. “A man who doesn’t track his money shows a lack of patience and self-control,” says Dobransky. “In fact, guys who are financially reckless share many traits with men who cheat.” But you also don’t want to be with a tightwad. If a dude doesn’t splurge now and then, it may mean he’ll be stingy in other ways, such as compromising during a fight.

I was (and still am) a mixed bag on this one. Too generous at times and a little disorganized when it comes to financial discipline. When Joni met me she couldn’t have made a judgment on my responsibility with money for one very good reason. I didn’t have any.

Interesting exercise. I don’t think I was all that good a prospect for a long lasting relatonship based on these traits. After thirty-three years of happiness with my bride I think I might suggest a different list of traits to examine. My list of traits apply to men and women who are follower of Jesus. That has been the single most important predictor of our love lasting the years. Here is my list.

1) He knows who he is.

I believe that knowing who you are is far more predictive of success that what you want. Joni knew I was a follower of Jesus. She knew I was committed to the belief that the marriage vow is exactly that. A vow. She knew my values. Those things that defined us (faith, committment, values) gave us the foundation to figure out what we wanted over the years and to hang in until we did.

2) He knows who is in control

I completely agree (obviously) with the sunny outlook and sense of humor thing. But perhaps a better indicator of marital success for us was trusting God and believing that He had a plan for us that we would discover together. The mystery of the two becoming one in Christ works really well when you are willing to cede control to Christ.

3) He is open to growing in Christ and as a spiritual leader

Any man who understands who he is as a Christian will be much more likely become the kind of man hoped for above. When a husband seeks to become more like Christ he will love his wife well. You can’t help it.

4) He is always a lot transparent.

There is nothing more amazing than your spouse knowing everything about you and still loving you. Check that. There is one thing more amazing. A holy and righteous God knowing everything about you and still loving you because of Christ.

5) He realizes all of his blessings (including money) are gifts of grace from God

A man that understands that nothing is really “his” is a very good risk in my humble opinion. Rush Limbaugh takes a lot of heat for saying his talent is “on loan from God”. I am not sure what his heart attitude is when he says that but the statement is true. Everything from health to weath is on loan from God.

I think our marriage is still viable because I have slowly (Note from Joni – really slowly) matured in the truths listed above. My bride’s committment to her faith and values allowed me to grow in numbers two through five on my list. I am grateful to her for that patience and grace. No one can predict lasting love. For us the most important predictor was starting our journey with Jesus as the foundation of our marriage.