Confessions of a Bad Christian

(Reposted from theFish.com)

Over and over and over I hear stories of pain inflicted by well meaning or too often not well meaning churchgoers. And I get really angry. REALLY ANGRY. All caps angry is rare for me. My first response is usually sinful. But I am not unique. A couple of guys who were really close to Jesus had the same sinful response to bad behavior.

He sent messengers ahead to a Samaritan village to prepare for his arrival. But the people of the village did not welcome Jesus because he was on his way to Jerusalem. When James and John saw this, they said to Jesus, “Lord, should we call down fire from heaven to burn them up?” (Luke 9, NLT)

My response? You betcha! The response of Jesus?

But Jesus turned and rebuked them. So they went on to another village.

As much as my heart cries out for vindication and revenge Jesus says no. You go on to the next village. You trust God. You forgive. This journey is hard because my sense of justice says that they deserve fire from heaven. But it gets even tougher. Jesus says to forgive my enemies. Even those dressed as sheep while acting like wolves.

The iPod shuffle landed on a song by Melissa Greene today and the lyrics reminded me of how tough this forgiveness clause in our Christian contract can be to execute.

The song is “The Long Road to Forgiveness”. The lyrics are written from a woman’s point of view but the pronoun is irrelevant. This is a gender neutral issue.

She’s pointed fingers and stood her ground and built a wall around her heart
She didn’t want to lose a battle in a war she not start
She carried grudges long enough but they’ve only weighed her down
but the bridges burned are just lessons learned that she carries with her now

That little lyric bridge pretty much outlines every reaction of our flesh to being hurt. Step one is to blame someone else. Step two is to vow not to back down and give in because, after all, you were wronged. Step three is going into hiddenness and despair. Step four is being too proud to lose the battle. Step five is hanging onto the grudge even as the weight of that grudge crushes your spirit.

That is an ugly little sequence but it is a pattern I have repeated far too many times in my journey. I have heard it said that bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. I imagine the heart of Jesus being broken by our stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness extended to us and consequently refusing to lean on His power to help us forgive. This passage in Paul’s letter to the Church at Colossae powerfully makes the point.

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossian 3, NLT)

I don’t see a lot of wiggle room in that text. If I claim that Christ is all that matters and that He lives in me then I must forgive those who offend me. Can someone find a loophole here? Please?

The chorus of Melissa Greene’s song reminds me how hard this road can be.

Down the long road to forgiveness there is fear at every turn
And she knows she needs to go the distance
Where her heart can finally rest, break these chains of bitterness
God will heal her brokenness
Down the long road to forgiveness

There is fear on that road if you take your eyes off of Christ. Your heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds us gently that He understands.

When you break those chains and allow God to heal your heart the weight of the world will lift off of your soul. It is a long road to forgiveness. Sadly it is too often the road less taken. But it is the road that will make a difference in your journey with Jesus. I pray you will have the courage to start down that road today. I am praying this prayer as I feel the pain of another brother and sister wounded by others. Jesus will meet me (and them) there.

Sometimes this faith journey goes pretty smoothly and it is easy to express your trust and dependence on God.

At other times it feels lonely, frightening and sad. I have been navigating the latter reality of late.

I give grace and it is not returned. Every street feels like it is one-way. Dear friends are deeply wounded by people who claim to be following Jesus. I agonize over how these believers can wound so deeply and still say they know Christ? Marriage vows are abandoned at the altar of self. Illness ravages families and friends. I question my ability to have any impact for Christ as I stumble clumsily through my own journey.

It is at these crossroads that we realize how much we are really trusting God. A song by Jason Gray resonated with me. Most of Jason’s songs do resonate with me and I am beginning to suspect he has a spy camera on my faith walk. The song is titled “A Way To See In The Dark” and it captures my recent experience.

Here I am
Begging for certainty again

But simple trust
Is what you’re asking me to give

If I am saved
You tell me it will not be by sight

Simple trust. A simple concept that is anything but simple to live out. And yet I am convinced that the simple act of trust and faith pleases God more than any blog I can write, good deed I can perform or gift I can offer. The truth is that all of those things flow naturally out of trust anyway. I try to reverse the order by doing, giving and performing to try and “beef” up my trust. I think God is saying during these days to quit flailing and start trusting.

The question mark
Hung at the end of every fear

Is answered by
The promise that you are with me here

And that’s all I’ve got

I believe God’s promises intellectually. During times like these He is asking me to believe them in my heart. The key is to keep my eyes on Jesus and His grace. Peter learned that lesson during a literal storm.

Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”   (Matthew 14, NLT)

It is so easy to judge Peter while I am busy doing the same thing. Hypocrisy is really annoying. Peter made the same mistake that I made recently. He took his eyes off of Jesus and looked at the storm. The waves and wind are terrifying when you face them alone. But I don’t have to. And neither do you. I write a lot about community and the need for others. There are times when all of us need to focus on Jesus and Jesus alone. Grace reminds me that when I fail Jesus will immediately reach out and grab me at the instant I call out to Him. So I find myself at peace today. Circumstances are only marginally better but my focus is back where it should be. There is a way to see in the dark. Jason Gray says it well.

As I reach for your hand in the night
When the shadows swallow the light

‘Cause I’m giving up, giving in
Once again a childlike faith

Is my only way
To see in the dark

Dave Burchett is the author of “When Bad Christians Happen to Good People”.

(Re-posted from theFish.com)

I think a lot about the church. When you write a book called “When Bad Christians Happen to Good People” you tend to hear from angry and wounded churchgoers. I have received hundreds of emails and blog posts from hurting believers. If a modest selling author and blogger like me gets that many responses then you can extrapolate that this is a big problem for the American church.

A study by the Barna Group among unchurched adults shows that nearly four out of every ten non-churchgoing Americans (37%) said they avoid churches because of negative past experiences in churches or with church people.

My heart aches when I hear stories of people who have been wounded and even abused by the churchgoers, leaders and pastors. I used to get angry and self-righteous.

“How can they call themselves a Christian?”

That is a question that I am often asked. But now I am more inclined to ask the question more personally in my own journey.

How can I call myself a Christian?

I began the book mentioned above with this paragraph.

“I am a hypocrite. I can be arrogant and selfish. I have been known to stretch, conceal, or slightly message the truth. I am sometimes inconsiderate and insecure. I struggle with lust and impure thoughts. My ego often rages out of control, and I battle foolish pride. I can be lazy and foolhardy with my time. I get angry, petty, and ill-tempered. I am sarcastic and cynical. I am a Christian.”

I can make the claim in the final sentence only because of Christ. A song by one of my favorite artists, Andrew Peterson, reminds me of the mystery of grace. Peterson beautifully illustrates that I am like every sinner who ever lived or will live. Peterson’s lyrics hit home and remind me that I am saved by grace alone. It is not by my disciplined and upright behavior that I perceive to be better than most other people that wins favor with God. My ranking of which sins are more disgusting is, to quote Rich Mullins, as useless as a screen door on a submarine. I was a sinner in need of a Savior. Andrew Peterson’s lyrics describe it well.

I am the woman at the well, I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell along the path
I am the son who ran away
I am the bitter son who stayed

I am the angry men who came to stone the lover
I am the woman there ashamed before the crowd
I am the leper who gave thanks
I am the nine who never came

Paul tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I used to feel superior to those who violated my denomination’s “Top 10 list of things not to do if you are a real Christian”. But I came to realize that having less repulsive sins on my resume than someone else only mattered to me and my miserable band of legalists. It did not matter to God.

As my journey continued I was wounded by the church and I got angry at God when fallible people (just like me) did not follow His Word or wouldn’t live out of His grace. Yet I often did the same thing that offended me from others. And that is why Peterson’s question resonates in my heart.

My God, my God
Why hast thou accepted me?

Indeed. I had nothing to offer that God needed. I was falling far, far, far short of the glory of God. But what He did is pure grace and Andrew Peterson says it well.

You took my sin and wrapped me in
Your robe and your ring
My God, my God
Why hast thou accepted me?

It’s a mystery of mercy
And the song I sing.

I love that imagery. He took my sin and wrapped me in robes of undeserved righteousness.

I am still prone to react when I hear stories of harsh shepherds and mean-spirited churchgoers. But more and more I realize that I am more than capable of being that harsh shepherd or mean Christian apart from trust and dependence on Jesus.

Paul wrote these words in a letter to his spiritual son Titus.

Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But—”When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.” This is a trustworthy saying, and I want you to insist on these teachings so that all who trust in God will devote themselves to doing good. (Titus 3 – NLT)

Why hast God accepted me? Because of Jesus and not for anything I have done or could do. Today I have a heart of worship as I meditate on this mystery of mercy and grace.

(Reposted from theFish.com)

Recently I have just wanted to be selfish for a while and let others fend for themselves. I am tired. And then the song “Lean On Me” cycles up on the iPod. That is not funny Lord. The lyrics sung by Bill Withers talks about being there for others. Life happens, John Lennon famously said, when you are making other plans. Life has been happening to us in recent months.

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow

But if we are wise
We know that there’s
Always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend

I have been thinking a lot about community. I have, to be honest, had many moments recently when I wondered if living in messy community with messy people is worth it. One of my dearest friends is Dr. Gil Herren. He used to tell me stories about working the emergency room at a Memphis hospital and how much he loved it. I could not understand how he could love seeing the pain, suffering and evil that a big city ER could produce. But as he spoke it became clear why he did it. Dr.Gil could make a difference in some people’s lives. Not all to be sure. But for some his expertise, skill and compassion might save them. Recently I have surmised that I am heading in the relational footsteps of my friend.

I find myself at least attempting to man the “ER” of a very small and sporadically effective grace hospital. I am drawn to the dysfunctional. My heart goes out to the wounded lambs. But I will tell you that I struggle with the cost of walking in honest relationship with people. It is hard. I have come to understand why legalism is so much easier than grace. Legalism allows me to assess the situation and then apply a verse or assign a task. If that person rejects that Biblical admonition or task then legalism allows me to withdraw because they are disobedient. Grace does not give me that option. Grace demands that I move toward the struggle of my brother or sister and not away in judgment. No wonder grace is a tough sell. But like my friend Gil I do it because I hope I can help a few.

Grace wears me out and lifts me up. Grace is frustrating and exhilarating.  My old nature screams that people who make bad decisions over and over get what they “deserve”. They don’t “deserve” to be pursued and loved and restored. They made their bed now let them lay in it. But there is a small quiet voice in my heart that tells me that they have value. That they are loved by their Creator. And that voice asks who am I to decide who “deserves” anything?

A quote by Pastor Paul Donnan says it far better than I ever could.

Grace doesn’t treat us better than we deserve. It treats us without the slightest reference to what we deserve. Grace ceases to be grace if God withdraws it upon any human failure. If Grace is in any way tied to something you do, then it is no longer a gift but a wage, and that’s not grace.

And, to be selfish, the lyrics of Bill Withers tells me why it is in my own best interest to give grace willingly.

I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
Till I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Yep. It is just a matter of time until I will be begging for grace for some stupid action or word. Paul knew that was true and reminded the Galatian Church.

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. (Galatians 6, The Message)

Why are we so willing to receive grace and not extend it? Maybe the next lyric has a clue.

Please swallow your pride
If I have things
You need to borrow
For no one can fill

Pride. Pride causes us to cover our needs because that would show weakness. Pride tells us to wear a mask of false joy so that others won’t know our shame and sin. Our Father in Heaven designed this journey to be lived in community. God knows that we need Him and we need one another. Healthy community is not unlike two parents being the healthiest community for children. Sometimes a child needs his or her father and sometimes only the mother can touch their need. In the same way there are times when only Abba Father can comfort my soul but at other times I need the community of fellow believers to get through.

We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem
That you’ll understand

We all need somebody to lean on

Yes it is hard to walk with the wounded. Yes it is frustrating to watch messy people make the same mistakes over and over. Yes it is tiring to give grace to the needy. But my heart’s desire remains the same. These words to the Church at Corinth wrap it up nicely.

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4, The Message)

I have confessed in the past that my Southern Ohio and Kentucky roots helped me develop an appreciation for country music. Now and again I venture over to the country channels to sample some of the latest offerings. Recently I heard a song that made me laugh and made me think. The title of the tune is “Like My Dog” and singer Billy Currington is lamenting that he wishes his significant other would “love” him like his dog.

He never tells me that he’s sick of this house
He never says, “Why don’t you get off that couch?”
He don’t cost me nothin’ when he wants to go out
I want you to love me like my dog

I want you to love me like my dog does, baby
When I come home, want you to just go crazy

Not sure that philosophy will resonate with the stunning Mrs.Burchett. Regular readers of my ramblings know how much I love my dog friend Hannah.

While I never really wished that my dear wife would love me like my dog I have learned a thing or two about life and even faith from my canine companion.

A fun article in Parade Magazine by “Dog Whisperer” Cesar Millan got me to thinking about how much I have learned in my Christian journey from Miss Hannah. Sanctification is not a word that Hannah would understand. Sadly, it is not a word that a lot of Christians understand either. It simply means the process of maturing in our faith and becoming ever so slowly more like Jesus. And just like everything else in this journey we cannot do that through dogged self-effort (sorry). I will give you Cesar’s thoughts on life lessons that we can learn from dogs in italics. I will add my little spiritual postscript to each of his comments.

Live in the moment.

Cesar – People often wonder how I get such quick results with the dogs I rehabilitate. The answer is simple: Dogs live in the moment. They don’t regret the past or worry about the future.

That is so key. When we live in regret of the past or fear of the future we forfeit the potential joy of today. The Psalmist encouraged that very idea.

This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24, NLT)

Nurture a balanced life.

Cesar – I tell my clients to follow this simple rule with their dogs: Offer exercise, discipline, and affection every day. Do the same for yourself. We humans are happier if our routines include physical activity, a sense of structure, and the opportunity to give and receive love on a daily basis.

Hmmm. I tell my clients (my tens of readers) almost every day to live a balanced life as well. Love God every day and allow Him to love you back. Based on my first book perhaps I could be the “Bad Christian Whisperer”? Can I do a TV Show where I rehabilitate anxious and poorly behaving Christians? Can I take a muzzle if I do? Just asking.

Trust your instincts.

Cesar – Animals don’t care about words. They recognize that what’s really going on in any interaction is beneath the surface. Many of us have lost touch with this all-important instinctual part of our natures. By paying attention to nonverbal cues such as body language and energy, we can learn more about our friends, our loved ones, and ourselves.

Unbelievers don’t care about words either. For followers of Jesus the old saying that “actions speak louder than words” is often tragically true. On this point I would suggest we can only trust the Spirit of God to live in a way that communicates with both word and deed. When you trust the Holy Spirit you are free to trust your instincts.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! (Galatians 5, NLT)

Be direct and consistent in your communication.

Cesar – Many of my clients only intermittently enforce rules, leaving their pets confused about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Great relationships, no matter the species, begin with clear and consistent communication.

God has been teaching me a lot in this area. I am trying to always communicate with both grace and truth. I love that Jesus is described by the Apostle John as being full of grace and truth. I suspect grace comes first because we have a far harder time communicating with grace. I am usually willing to be “honest” and tell you where you are wrong. Doing that with grace and truth requires me to love you and be vulnerable. It is much easier just to whack you with the rolled up newspaper of judgment.

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4, NIV)

Learn to listen.

Cesar – Make the time to lend an ear to those you love or those who want to transform their lives. But don’t try to fix their problems, and don’t take their problems personally, either. A great leader is also a great follower and knows that everybody counts.

Right on Cesar. Learn to listen. Be willing to walk alongside those in need. Don’t interrupt to give out prescription verses in lieu of walking with your brother and sister through the trials. Living the real Christian life with others is messy but incredibly rewarding.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1, NLT)

Don’t hold grudges.

Cesar – There’s a remarkable lack of conflict in dog packs.  That’s because members resolve the situation when disagreements arise, then move on. Imagine what our world would be like if we dealt with our conflicts before they escalated out of control. Holding onto negative feelings tends to make them multiply and prevent us from moving forward.

This may be the biggest difference between dog packs and church congregation packs. There is too often a remarkable amount of conflict in our body of believers. And the reason is that members too often don’t resolve the situation. We get angry and hurt and move on without resolving the conflict. Unresolved sin is buried alive and it comes back at surprising moments. A follower of Jesus who does not forgive has forgotten how much he or she has been forgiven. So shake off your differences and resolve them.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12, NIV)

Live with purpose.

Cesar – When dogs are bored, they develop issues ranging from anxiety to aggression. But when given a job and a way to contribute to the pack’s well-being, they turn around almost immediately.

Followers of Jesus are no different. We are called to a purpose. Anything that does not contribute the “pack’s” well-being should be prayerfully reevaluated.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. (Philippians 2, NLT)

Celebrate every day.

Cesar – For a dog, every morning is Christmas morning. Every walk is the best walk, every meal is the best meal, every game is the best game. We can learn so much by observing the way our pets rejoice in life’s simplest moments. Take time every day to celebrate the many gifts that are hidden in the ordinary events of your own life.

Hannah is illustrating this point even now. As I write this she is rolling on her back with a chew toy and loving life.

If I can take a moment to count how blessed I am today I can celebrate as well. There is joy even in the mundane events of life. Ask the Spirit of God to reveal that to you today. There is sacred in the routine. Ask the Spirit of God to show you that each day. As for me, I am going to take my spiritual mentor for a walk.

(Re-posted from theFish.com)

My least favorite time period occurs every four years during September and October. Those are the months leading up to another Presidential election. My distaste is slightly mitigated by the start of college and pro football but I still detest those weeks.

Why? Because those weeks are when normally nice and civil human beings become angry, hateful, bile spewing, frothing defenders of their politics. Ridiculous motives are assigned to people for committing the apparently unpardonable sin of looking through different political lenses. Hateful (and almost always courageously anonymous) posts are left accusing their opponents of everything from hate to stupidity to treason. The tone of our political discourse is depressing. On television the techniques most often used are more volume and interruption instead of thoughtfulness and exchange of ideas.

This is particularly tricky for followers of Jesus. Of course our faith directs our decision making (or it should). But does that allow us to demonize those who think differently? Yesterday my pastor at Waterbrook Bible Fellowship, Jeff Denton, delivered a powerful message about the body of Christ. He pointed out that a lot of people we profoundly disagree with or are that we are even repulsed by are a part of the body of Christ. That is so inconvenient to my working up a good unrighteous indignation. We don’t get to pick who gets the gift of grace. If there are websites in Heaven there might be surprised headlines like this…

Drudgereport:  Planned Parenthood Leader Amazingly Sneaks Through the Pearly Gates!

Huffington Post: Tea Party Enthusiast’s Name Somehow Found in Book of Life!

The separation of church and faith is Jesus and the Cross. People on both sides of the aisle are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Because my heart is to proclaim the healing message of grace I have stopped expressing any of my political views in my writings. It was a hard lesson learned in my first book. I tried to use a political situation to illustrate a point. Bad idea. Really bad idea. Some on the other side of that political situation attacked me and dismissed the other 57,287 words completely.

Let me assure you that I remain diligent in reading (both sides) and researching to see which candidates reflect my values. I vote in every election. I pray for our leaders and I hope that someday we will be able to throw out the extreme partisanship and forge a consensus for our country. But my real hope is not in Washington or in my state capital.

A song by Aaron Shust titled “My Hope Is In You” nicely explains my growth as a recovering political addict and slowly maturing follower of Jesus.

My hope is in you lord, all the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness You show me grace
My hope is in you lord, all the day long

The last campaign brilliantly used hope and change as a campaign theme. I agree with the slogan but with a little different emphasis. My hope is in Christ. And the change that I can count on is what happened in heart when I decided to follow Jesus. That change should manifest itself in grace filled responses to those who think differently. On the other side they say “believe in America” and “reclaim America”. My heart cries out to believe in the grace of God. I want to reclaim the Gospel of love and serving others selflessly.

What makes me most sad is that so many people really seem to be placing their hope for happiness on a political candidate. I do believe that leaders make a difference. I care deeply about making an informed and prayerful choice. But I never place my hope in a politician. The word hope is used about 80 times in the New Testament. The first appearance of the word in the NIV translation pretty much lays out my belief.

“In his name (Jesus) the nations will put their hope.”  (Matthew 12, NIV)

Paul wrote about the hope that I have in his letter to the Romans.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

In Colossians we read this praise from Paul as he relates how hope based on the eternal God should make a difference.

For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News. This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace.

No matter what happens this November one thing will remain true for me.

My hope is in Christ.

So be nice to your political opponent. Extend grace. Who knows, they may be behind you in line at the Pearly Gates someday. Love your political enemies and avoid future awkward moments because it will be really hard to avoid someone for eternity.

(Re-posted from theFish.com)

School is about to start again and I always think about the kids who don’t get to sit at the “cool” table. A song popped up on the iPod that made me think about my prayer for these precious young souls. “My Wish” by Rascal Flatts offers a lot of lyrical wisdom and a wonderful sentiment.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold…

As a parent you wish your child could avoid heartbreak and pain but the truth is nobody gets out of this journey unscathed. So you try to prepare them to deal with the inevitable bumps of life.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God’s grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

Recently I wrote to a young lady who was beginning to navigate high school while figuring out how her new found faith in Jesus factored in. I shared with her some things I wished I had known way back then.

1.       I wish I had known that my high school years did not define me AT ALL.

My teen years were a mixed bag of memorable highs and incredible lows. Now I realize that what I once considered some of the worst moments of my life I am now grateful for experiencing. In many of those spiritual valleys you could not have begun to convince me that God was molding me or that those experiences could ever be of value. I knew the scripture just as you likely do…that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

Do we know His attributes? Do we believe (really believe) His promises? If we do, then we must accept the troubles and “we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good”. Romans 8:28 (MsgB)

I have developed a heart of compassion for those who are wounded. Why? God gave me the privilege of being wounded early in my life. That sounds crazy as I read back over that last sentence. It is not a sentence that I would have written twenty or perhaps even ten years ago. But I can see that my struggles as an overweight, geeky and generally outcast adolescent molded my heart to empathize with those who are hurt and ostracized by their peers.

Had I been the coolest guy or the best athlete or the most handsome I most likely would not have developed a sensitive spirit to others. So God gave me the opportunity on all of those fronts to develop sensitivity.  I did not enjoy that period of my life. I would have given anything at that time to be one of the really popular kids. I would have told you that I would gladly trade nearly anything on the spot to be the starting quarterback or the big man on campus. I was desperate to be part of the cool group. With the benefit of hindsight I can promise you that I am grateful for every refining difficulty and problem.  Such a dramatic change in attitude is a matter of time, growth in my relationship with Jesus and my trust in the truth of His promises. As G.K.Chesterton wryly noted, “Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.” Had I been freed the burden of my “hump” (that tough teenage passage), I would not be who I am today.

So I hope your experience right now is better than mine. But if it is not or if it changes in the future, always remember that God is in control, He loves you more than you can fathom, and He will work it for good even if you cannot see it at the time.

2.     I wish I had known that I needed to decide in advance what I would do in tough situations

Most of my mistakes as a teen were made in moments of peer pressure that I was not prepared to address. Joni and I tried to teach our sons that you decide in advance what your response will be to temptation. Decide in advance that you will call for a ride when asked to get in the car with a drinking driver. Decide in advance to not get yourself into a situation where sexual temptation will be an issue. Decide in advance that you will be kind to the less popular no matter how the “cool” kids view that action. Decide in advance to trust God as you make decisions that you fear might lessen your popularity or status. In the moment you tend to make wrong decisions so make them in advance and then stand firm.

3.     I wish I had known that every person is created in God’s image…and He loves them just as much as He loves me

Sparky Anderson, a former Cincinnati Reds manager, once said that “you can never go wrong being classy.” And you can never go wrong being kind to everyone. Sometimes you will be tempted to ridicule or tease those who are less attractive, intelligent, gifted, or cool. Don’t do it. When I went to my 25^th reunion (ouch) I observed something interesting. Some of those “losers” are the “winners” now. They have wonderful families and lives. Some of the kids I was desperate to be like are still living off of moldy high school memories. High school is the start of a very long journey. Some people seem to be leading the life race coming out of high school. The real winners know that life is a marathon and that God has a plan for that long race. Be kind to everyone. Jesus loves them. And so should you.

4.   I wish I had known that nothing outside of who I am in Christ can make me cool

There is nothing wrong with desiring to wear clothes and shoes that are fashionable. There is nothing wrong with being in activities that are popular. But it is wrong to think that those clothes or shoes or activities make you better than others. I really wish I had known that going along with the group and doing wrong things did not make me cool. I wish I had realized in high school that people look at those things but God looks on the heart. It is your heart that makes you who you are, not your outfit or activities or “rebellious” moments.

5.    I wish I had known in high school that I needed to take responsibility for my own actions

Learn now to say these three sentences.

I was wrong.
I am sorry.
Forgive me.

And keep your “but” out of those statements. Don’t say “I was wrong ‘but’ I didn’t think it would hurt you” or “I am sorry ‘but’ I was having a bad day.”  Those are not real apologies. Take responsibility. Live with integrity. That will make you unique in this culture!

6.    I wish I had known in high school that the 2nd most important decision I would make is who my friends were

Your friends have an influence on who you are and who you become. Pick them carefully. Young Christians often think they can influence their friends for Christ if they keep hanging out with them. Be careful that you don’t lose the balance of fellowship and encouragement of Christian friends. Prayerfully seek a balance between the two. But understand that friends are a critical factor in your life and they will influence who you are…good or bad.

7.   The most important decision I will ever make is who or what I worship

I did figure this one out to some extent in high school. Everyone one worships something or someone. It can be money or power or fame or popularity. I believe we are created to worship God. We have a yearning from our birth to find our purpose and significance. But if you don’t find that relationship in Christ you will tend to fill it with wrong things. Often those things are not inherently bad. But they can become bad things when they become the focus instead of Jesus. We used to sing a camp song with these lyrics..

Seek ye first the kingdom of God
And His righteousness
And all these things shall be added unto you

There is nothing wrong with these “things” when you seek the kingdom of God first. One of my favorite passages is in the book of Colossians. Paul outlines what it looks like to be a real Christian. Living these five little verses will change your life.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3, NLT)

Re-posted from theFish.com

My friend Ed Underwood asked this question via social media. “When you are going through hard times what song comforts you?” I have been thinking about that recently as we are going through  some valleys in our lives. A song by Steven Curtis Chapman is one of my favorites at times like this. It is possible to write powerful lyrics without actually experiencing deep sadness and loss. But it is more impactful when you know the writer has experienced devastating trials and still remained faithful.

In May of 2008 Chapman’s five year old daughter Maria was run over and killed on the family property. Her teen-aged brother did not see her playing in the driveway before she was struck. It was a tragedy of unspeakable sadness. I remember that my first thought was how could God allow this to happen to a couple who have done so much for the body of Christ? The answer is found in God’s Word and it is not one that we generally put in the brochure. All of us who follow Jesus are going to suffer.

Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. (1 Peter 4, NLT)

Count me among the brethren who tried to dance around this truth for as long as I could. But fiery trials came into my life and I learned the truth of this passage. Steven Curtis Chapman released a CD (Beauty Will Rise) that chronicled his painful journey to reconcile this personal tragedy. It is raw, honest and powerful. The song that played on my iPod today is called “Jesus Will Meet You There”.

When you think you’ve hit the bottom
and the bottom gives way
and you fall into a darkness
no words can explain
and you don’t know how you make it out alive

Jesus will meet you there.

When Chapman writes those words he is not postulating on theological theory. He is writing from the depths of unimaginable pain and recording the truth that he experienced as he allows us to look and listen. The lyrics continue.

When you’ve failed again and all your
second chances have been used
And the heavy weight of guilt and shame
is crushing down on you…

And all you have is one last cry for help
Jesus will meet you there.

It does not seem possible until you have experienced what Paul described in his letter to the Church at Philippi…the peace of God, which transcends all understanding. People will tell Joni and me that they could not deal with cancer like we have or the death of a child like we did. My answer is always the same. We would have said exactly the same thing before we went through those valleys. We were given the grace and strength that we needed. So will you. Chapman’s chorus gives the key.

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cuz he’s already been
where you’re going

Jesus meets you there and not in theory. He suffered. He agonized with God the Father. He knows the human condition. He has already been. When Jesus meets you there something amazing happens. The pain does not go away but peace and hope begin to slowly heal the pain. Peter did not end his writing on suffering with the buzz kill of Chapter 4. He wrapped it in a bow of incredible hope in the next chapter.

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation. (1 Peter 5, NLT)

That is a promise that we can hold on to in times of sorrow and suffering. Mary Beth Chapman has this quote on her website. “Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude.”

I am grateful to those saints who inspire us by living out their struggles authentically. And while I never wish for any suffering I know that I can make it through because of Christ. I know from hard experience and from watching other wonderful saints what Steven Curtis Chapman beautifully expresses.

Jesus will meet you there.

(Pastor Ed Underwood has written a powerful book on suffering that I highly recommend. Check out “When God Breaks Your Heart”.)

(Reposted from theFish.com)

I have made some really bad decisions in my life. But fortunately I made a couple of really good decisions that put the bad ones in proper perspective.

In 1968 I decided to follow Jesus. I believed that He was the way to be forgiven and justified from my sin. I was fifteen years old and unfortunately my early teaching was short on grace. But that legalistic church got the Jesus/salvation part right. That decision kept me from going down some very dangerous paths during the tumultuous cultural changes of the late ‘60’s. I cannot imagine how my life would have played out apart from that declaration of faith in Christ.

In 1975 I made another great decision. I decided to ask Joni Banks to be my wife. Great decision 2 would not have happened without great decision 1. We met at staff training for the organization formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ.

July 17^th marks our thirty-sixth year of marriage. Joni has hung in with me and trusted God when I was, frankly, not so trustworthy. She has never tried to change who I am but she has always challenged me to develop my unique design in partnership with the God who loves me. She has prayed for me and our boys more than I can even comprehend. When our marriage monitor flat lined a few years ago she did not give up.

I did the American guy thing for many years. I worked too much. I took my young bride for granted. I craved success and praise for my accomplishments. And too often I left her chasing rambunctious boys and wondering if her husband valued her. I failed to lead her well spiritually for too many years. We have endured some really hard things. The death of a daughter. An armed invasion robbery in our home. Cancer. Yet we are happier than we have ever been. How can that be possible?

We have learned one important lesson that is communicated so well by my friends at Truefaced.

“The abundant life is comparing God’s character, faithfulness and ability with my particular circumstances and believing that God’s character trumps my circumstance.”

And that statement is absolutely true. I have heard so much stinkin’ bad teaching that the abundant life means financial blessing, perfect health and relational bliss. Our experience has been financial ups and downs, health problems and seasons of marital joy and despair. For many years I thought I was doing something wrong. Where is this abundant life? And I finally figured it out. The abundant life is all around me. A wife who stayed with me until God could get my attention. Three honest, bright and Godly sons (more good work by Joni). Great friends who have my back and love me even though they actually know me. More stuff than I will ever need and enough left over to give to others. And trusting a God who is trustworthy.

Through all of the tough times and bad moments God proved faithful and trustworthy. He redeemed every heartache and every trial. God refined us through the storms and His love did trump our circumstances.

A song by James Taylor fits nicely here regarding both of my “great” decisions. “How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You” expresses my heart toward both my Lord and my wonderful bride. But since a wedding anniversary is being celebrated allow me to concentrate on that event with these lyrics sung by “Sweet Baby” James.

I close my eyes at night
Wonderin’ where would I be without you in my life

But you brighten up for me all of my days
With a love so sweet in so many ways

An’ I wanna stop, thank you, baby
I just wanna stop, and thank you, baby

How sweet it is to be loved by you

I cannot imagine where I would be without her in my life. Like many couples we had the verses of  1^st Corinthians 13 read at our wedding. The Message has a fresh take on the familiar passage.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

I am so grateful to celebrate my 36^th year with this wonderful lady. If I may quote James Taylor one more time.

I just wanna stop and thank you baby.

Thank you for an amazing journey so far and praying for much more to come.

(Reposted from theFish.com)

A classic song from the Hollies has taken on a much deeper meaning in my journey. In 1969 the recording of “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” became a worldwide hit for the British group.

The road is long
With many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when

The road is long and many of the turns lead to sadness, disappointment and grief. This song could be the theme song for what real community should look like in the church. I understand why so many Christians are reluctant to jump into unvarnished and honest relationship with other believers. Immersing yourself in the lives of others is messy, sad and difficult. And in a great paradox of our faith, it is the most fulfilling thing you can do. I have taken the risk of trusting a group of men with everything that is true about me. They have done the same with me. That commitment to trust these men with my weakness has been one of the best things I have ever done to grow in my faith. We have shared triumphs and tragedy. Hilarity and heartbreak. We have confessed our fears and exposed our shame to the healing power of relationship in the light of the Holy Spirit. Putting all of your cards on the relationship table is a scary play. But when you play all of your cards and you are still loved it is the most exhilarating and freeing thing you can imagine.

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there

But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

That is the beauty of Christian community. Even when the burden you are sharing with your brother is difficult and messy you don’t feel put upon. You feel honored and blessed to share the load. You know that your time is coming and you are grateful that these brothers will be there for you. That is how it should work. That is what Paul was writing about to the church in Galatia when he instructed them to “share” one another’s burdens. The Message has a fresh twist on a familiar passage.

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. (Galatians 6, The Message)

Sometimes I have been the one who has been strong and had the privilege of carrying my brother. Recently I have had to reach out to them for strength. The miracle of grace is that it never feels heavy to share your brother’s burden. I will confess that part of my learning process has been to allow others to be strong for me. I love to help others but I often chose to not “bother” others with my trials. That ain’t how this journey works. I deny others the privilege of serving when I foolishly try to be self-sufficient. My pride short circuits the healing ministry of grace in community.

It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

I am grateful that Scripture recognizes our need for one another on this journey. Share your journey with your brothers and sisters in Christian community. I know that some have tried and been wounded. Some have tried and been ignored. I have been there too. I encourage you (make that plead with you) to not give up. Pray for those connections. Maybe you need to be the one who takes the risk to start building a room of grace for other brothers and sisters to find healing. This isn’t easy. Worthwhile endeavors rarely are.