Sometimes I just want to step away from people. I get tired. Living in honest community can be frustrating and discouraging. And then the song “Lean On Me” cycles up my playlist. That is not funny Lord. The lyrics sung by Bill Withers talks about being there for others. Sometimes in our livesWe all have painWe all have sorrow But if we are wiseWe know that there’sAlways tomorrow Lean on me, when you’re not strongAnd I’ll be your friend I confess that I struggle with the cost of walking in honest relationship with people. It is hard. I have come to understand why legalism is so much easier than grace. Legalism allows me to assess the situation and then apply a verse or assign a task. If that person rejects that Biblical admonition or task then legalism allows me to withdraw because they are disobedient. Grace does not give me that option. Grace demands that I move toward the struggle
Continue reading...
Not all of us have experienced the joy of Psalm 133. “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Ps.133:1, NIV) There is no more powerful community than a group of believers who live in unity. Nothing levels the playing field like Jesus when we genuinely follow Him. In Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians he offered the benefits of honest community. “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14) Interesting that the challenges from Paul are listed from easiest to hardest. I can admonish the idle all day long. I am pretty good about encouraging the fainthearted. On my good days I help the weak. But be patient with them all? Come on Paul. Do you know these people? But that is the beauty of community. It is messy and beautiful. Frustrating and fulfilling. It is life. And it is best
Continue reading...
I write a lot about the importance of Christian community. I too often hear from wounded churchgoers that have not found a place of grace and caring. At the risk of riling the ever present spiritual hall monitors I want to suggest a reason so many people leave the institutional church in frustration and pain. My thoughts were triggered by a song titled “I Love This Bar” by Toby Keith. If you will hang with me to the end before grabbing your judgement gavel I think you will at least see my point. I understand that bars can be a dark place to anesthetize pain. But there is a dynamic of these gathering spots that we can learn from. In my oddly constructed brain I listened to this song and dreamed of what a community of seekers and followers of Jesus should look like. Toby Keith loves that bar because any type of person can show up and be welcomed without
Continue reading...
I remember sitting with Joni outside a little cabin near Fredericksburg, Texas when a flock of eight ducks noisily left the pond and waddled toward us. They lined up and quacked expectantly. If I spoke duck I suspect the translation would have been something like the famous quote from Caddyshack. “Hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” We fed the ducks some cereal flakes and apparently that was an acceptable offering. Every time we went out on our porch the ducks would waddle over and wait for their snack. Joni and I were fascinated by their behaviors. They always stayed together. There was a clear leader of the pack and when the leader decided it was time to move on to other activities the seven dutifully followed. They swam at the same time. Groomed at the same time. They slept at the same time. They were created to thrive in community. So are we. Here
Continue reading...
A recent behavioral study reinforced something I have emphasized in my own journey. The power of simply reaching out and checking in with others is stunningly underrated as a way to love one another. An article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology detailed how people react when others reach out to them. The authors seemed a bit surprised by their results. We kept finding that people underestimated how much their reach-outs were appreciated. We also found that one reason this underestimation of appreciation occurs is that people do not think enough about how positively surprised others feel upon being reached out to. The role of surprise is important. We found that the one situation in which people do not underestimate how much others appreciate being reached out is when the reach-out occurs in an unsurprising context. For example, if someone is expecting you to reach-out to them, then you are pretty well calibrated to how much they will
Continue reading...
Being in community with others means you share in their joys and their sorrows. Sometimes the sorrows come in tsunami waves and all you can do is care, pray, and be present. Good and decent people deal with financial, emotional, and physical suffering all around us and it is easy to lose heart. The news seems to be only tragedy and heartbreaking sadness. What can be redeemed of all of this suffering? A song called “The Hurt and the Healer” by MercyMe resonated when I first heard it but now that same song touches my heart even more. The lyrics ask the question we all struggle with. Why?The question that is never far awayThe healing doesn’t come from the explainedJesus please don’t let this go in vain I can’t explain why things happen. Sometimes it is sin. Sometimes it is simply life. I have learned in my years of following Jesus that He does not let suffering go in vain. I have seen over
Continue reading...
Real growth in relationships, faith, and maturity usually doesn’t just happen. It is so simple to blame circumstances or others for our mistakes. Rationalizations for wrong behaviors are frighteningly easy. “Officer, I didn’t mean to speed and break the law. I was just going with the flow of traffic.” Think about that. My defense is that everybody else is breaking the law. Therefore, I am innocent. Since the Garden if Eden the automatic answer to sin and shortcomings is that it is someone else’s fault. That may be true at times. But that thinking will never result in becoming like Jesus. So I have to be intentional about confronting my own heart. Change is hard. Sharing my need to change with others is even harder. Several years ago I took the risk to trust three men with everything about me. We call ourselves the Redwood Brothers based on a unique characteristic of California’s redwood trees. A redwood alone in a
Continue reading...