Month: May 2008

Last year I wrote an article about a “reality” TV show that was so far from reality that it couldn’t see it with the Hubble telescope. The show is called The Girls Next Door and it sleazes up the E! Network on a regular basis. The premise is to look inside life at the Playboy mansion. Another sign of the apocalypse is that this is the fourth season of this show.

Three gorgeous young women vie for the affection of octogenarian Hugh Hefner while they all live under the same roof. Now that is reality! Hefner rates the girls and appoints one of the girls as “number one” like some weird parody of Dr.Evil. In fact, the Mike Myers character Dr.Evil makes this appropriate comment in the movie.

“There’s nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster.”

Last year The New York Post reported that the show might have a ratings gimmick planned. They hinted that Hefner might just marry “Number One”. Here is an excerpt from that Post story.

“This is very secret, but the word is ‘yes,’ ” one insider told Page Six. “Hef has decided he will marry Holly, and he wants it for his show, ‘The Girls Next Door.’ Hef thinks business all the time, and looks for a new hook, although he also does really love Holly.”

Hmmm….he thinks business all the time and is looking for a new hook. The afterthought that Hefner “really does love Holly” must certainly have made Number One feel really special and valued. Hefner reportedly wanted to delay the marriage because monogamy would “kill the show”. Another reason for Number One to be wildly optimistic. So I was not a bit surprised when this followup to this ridiculous story appeared today.  

The Dallas Morning News reported that since she first laid eyes on the Playboy mogul in 2001, Hugh Hefner’s “lead” girlfriend, Holly Madison, has made it no secret that she wants to get hitched to the geezer. (Perhaps the first stop should be getting a thorough vision check)

But it seems she’s starting to give up on her dream. “We are no closer to getting married than we were years ago,” she said at last week’s “Playmate of the Year” luncheon in Los Angeles. “It’s like a car stalled at the side of the road.” (So many lines…) She looked away as he added, “I love Holly very much and I think we’re going to be together the rest of my life. But marriage isn’t part of my puzzle.” (Anyone shocked by this besides Number One?)

Madison was quoted during season one about the odd arrangement she had agreed to live with at the mansion.

She said she “couldn’t believe” that she’s sharing her boyfriend with the other two busty blondes. But, she noted, “you do funny things when you’re in love.”

I would suggest you do funny things when you are infatuated by money and fame and material comforts. You do loving, sacrificial things when you are in love. You sacrifice for your wife and children. You place your mate first. You love her just as much when her body reflects the effects of child bearing and age. You take seriously the words of Paul when he admonishes followers of Jesus to love their wives.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.  (Ephesians 5 – The Message)

Hugh Hefner is living the fantasy of many young men. I used to be one of them. But I do not envy him one bit. Because he will never understand what I have been blessed to experience. A wife who has loved me when I was unlovable. A wife who doesn’t care if I am rich or famous or powerful because that is not what she bases her love on. A relationship that has weathered storms together and emerged stronger. Joni’s strength and dignity during her cancer journey took my respect for her to a new level.

She is number one. There are no other contenders. And there never will be.

This will be the second Mother’s Day since my Mom died. This is a piece that I wrote right after her death. It is a story of incredible grace and redemption. I pray that it will encourage some of you.

Blessings, Dave

There is the sadness of loss that is tempered with the joy of seeing her relationship with the Lord Jesus in her final months. The last year of my Mom’s life caused me to think of Al Michael’s famous question from the 1980 Olympics. “Do you believe in miracles?”

I do believe in miracles. I have seen one.

I loved my Mom but our relationship was challenging. She was raised in a family where love was not expressed. She could be very negative and her comments had stung me over the years. I knew that she loved me fiercely but I will admit that I grieved for a more gracious expression of her love. My Mom could be really difficult.

As her health declined I prayed that her relationship with God would be clear to her and to her family. The summer before she died I journeyed to Ohio to visit her. A group of Christian friends in Texas told me they would pray that I could discuss salvation with my Mom. I thanked them for their concern but in my heart I felt they were naive. They did not know my Mom.

Fast forward a few days as I am sitting with my Mom. The conversation is mundane. Out of nowhere she dropped this bombshell.

“How can you be sure that you are going to heaven?”

You could have knocked me over with a feather and I immediately thought of those saints in Texas praying for exactly this moment. And I felt a bit of shame because I was the naive one who doubted the power of prayer. I shared the gospel with my Mom. She assured me that she had trusted Christ as her Savior. The next question was nearly as surprising.

“What if you trusted Christ but haven’t lived it?”

Wow. What do you say to that? I chose to tell her the truth. That she was a child of God but she had forfeited a lot of joy by not walking more faithfully with Him. She had likely missed chances to serve and probably many blessings the Lord had desired her to experience. Still, there was a nagging question in my mind that I lacked the courage to address. I knew there were people who had hurt my Mom deeply and she showed no signs of forgiveness. I was fairly certain she would take that bitter anger to her grave.

But Mom took those comments about living for Jesus to heart. She chose to try to live for Him with the rest of her days. She told my niece that she had prayed more in the last year than she had in her whole life. She regularly asked me to pray for her and told me she was praying for me and especially for Joni as my bride battled breast cancer.

My Mom began to regularly tell me she loved me. That was something you didn’t say in her family. You were just supposed to know it. A few weeks before she died she told me that she was sorry if she had hurt me with her words or actions. That was the first time I had heard those words from my Mom in 53 years. It was a powerful moment of grace and reconciliation between us. When I saw her last week she kissed me and said, “you don’t know how much you mean to me.” But she was wrong. I finally did.

But the real miracle happened in her last days. My niece asked Mom about a woman she had felt so much bitterness and hatred toward. When I was told about her response the words sent chills through me.

“Oh honey. That was in the past. I have forgiven her.”

What irony that I have been writing about forgiveness for so long and my Mom gave me a miracle of forgiveness as her final gift. Forgiveness can happen. It is never too late. For those who think they cannot forgive I will tell you that with God it is possible. I have witnessed a miracle to start the New Year. I am saddened that my Mom is gone but I am rejoicing in her victory. She was able to lay her burdens at the foot of the Cross and pass unencumbered into the presence of the Lord. I praise God that I have not lost my Mom. Nope. Now I know exactly where she is.

I am a big football fan. I often hear announcers describe a defense that gives up yardage but not points as a team that bends but doesn’t break. I think that is often an apt metaphor for our walk with Jesus. In the current season of my journey I have been sharing life with a lot of friends, family and readers who are dealing with a difficult and bumpy road. So I decided to revisit an earlier blog on the topic and add some recently gained insight.

During my occasional iPod devotional series I wrote about a song called Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts.  Earlier I had written a very personal blog featuring a song by Rascal Flatts called Skin. Bless the Broken Road also became a hit for the group Selah. Here are some of the lyrics.

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign, pointed straight to you

It is so interesting to look back over the landscape of three decades plus of my journey with Jesus. I can see God’s hand in so many events and even heartbreaks in my life. My early church experience was a broken road of legalistic and judgmental Christians who crushed the spirit of a young and fumbling Christian. That experience became the basis of my books. I have found many friends who have shared my journey. C.S. Lewis once said that “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!” Sadly, many of us bear the wounds of dealing with imperfect people in the dysfunctional little gathering we call church. Still, God has blessed that broken road in my life.

The broken road for me included the devastating death of a beloved nephew thirty-three years ago. At that point I was a crossroads in my faith. Turn my back on God or get serious in my pursuit of Him. Along the broken road God brought a man named Wendel Deyo into my life (Wendel now heads up a retreat center in Southern Ohio) . His life challenged me and he helped me stay on the narrow way. That relationship led to my association with Athletes in Action. And while on staff with AIA I met the lovely future Mrs.Burchett. And again, God blessed the broken road.

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

It is hard to imagine life without Joni. Her cancer has forced me to realize the possibility of that. I am grateful that she is doing really well but I pray I will never again take her for granted. Each day is a precious gift and God has blessed the broken road by deepening our relationship and love.

I think about the years I spent, just passin’ through
I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you

I remember with great sadness the years I spent working too much, taking my bride for granted, telling her that the schedule would soon “ease up”. But it rarely did. I really wish I had that time back. I would give it to her in a heartbeat. If I could say one thing to young couples and parents it would be to make time for your mate and your children. It took me too long to realize the hard truth that our schedule reflects our priorities. But somehow Joni hung with me. She had traveled her own broken road and found that God was faithful.

But you just smile and take my hand, you’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan, that is comin’ true

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

The journey is not easy. Never will be. One of the big mistakes we make as followers of Jesus (in my humble opinion) is making it seem like all troubles are over when you embrace Christianity. That is not in the contract. We will still have problems and heartaches and even tragedies. The guys at TrueFaced continue to challenge, inspire and change me with their insight into God’s word and this path of trusting God. They define the abundant life better than I could even hope to explain it. Here is the definition of abundant life from the TrueFaced Romans CD series.

The abundant life is comparing God’s character, faithfulness and ability with my particular circumstances and believing that God’s character trumps my circumstance.

Through the death of a nephew, daughter, both parents, an armed invasion robbery and the life-threatening illness to my spouse I have found that statement to be absolutely true. His character, faithfulness and love always trump my circumstance. I especially see that with the benefit of hindsight. God will bless the broken road. King David wrote these words while escaping down a broken road…

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
       he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

C.S. Lewis also said that no one ever told him that grief felt so much like fear. Don’t be afraid to continue down the broken road. God will meet you there and together you will make it to the end.

Disclaimer to Internet hall monitors: This article is not meant to throw Al Gore under the bus. That would be an inappropriate use of carbon resources to fire up a nasty fume spitting fossil fuel wastin’ bus just to make a point. The point of this piece is to examine one aspect of the story from a spiritual viewpoint.

First, some background is in order. Al Gore has made an amazing personal comeback with his global warming documentary. I will not debate the claims of his film here. Instead I want to focus on a very inconvenient truth that all of us battle. We are natural born hypocrites. All of us. Gore outlined a list of sacrifices that we could all make to help the environment. Use a clothesline instead of the dryer. Drive a hybrid. Cut back on the thermostat and home energy consumption.

But Al Gore’s personal lifestyle severely damaged his message. (Hint to Christian readers…this is fore-shadowing) The Chattanoogan newspaper reports that Gore’s mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES). In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh — more than 20 times the national average. In the month of August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh — guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year.

Bear with me, I am getting to the spiritual application. So how does Gore justify this apparent case of talk not matching walk? Mr.Gore purchases “carbon offsets” to make his consumption “carbon neutral”. By paying to plant trees or contributing to solar or wind powered energy it “offsets” the personal excessive usage.

Hmmm.

“Every family has a different carbon footprint,” said Kalee Krider, a spokeswoman for Gore. The official footprint of Al and Tipper is Sasquatch. The logic is interesting. Perhaps if I invest in companies that use sweat shop labor I can “offset” that by giving money to orphans and the  underprivileged.

The spiritual application is real and sobering. A messenger without commitment to the message loses effectiveness. Christians produce our own version of “carbon offsets”. We talk about the life changing power of Jesus and don’t demonstrate it. We talk about God’s love and don’t manifest that love. So we invest in “carnal offsets” like serving on every church committee or saying yes to every church request so that others can see how committed we are to the church.

“Look at how hard I am working.”
“I am doing so much more than that person.”
“All they do is consume the message every week, they never help out.”

And we spectacularly miss the point of following Jesus.

Jesus encountered an enthusiastic potential follower on His way to Jerusalem. The young man asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. The Lord’s answer was encouraging…at first.

“…to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’”

 “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”

His response stops me in his tracks. He was a good man. He was honest, lived with integrity, and was loving. The kind of guy that we assume should have stored up enough “sin offsets” to get in the gates. But Jesus saw what he worshiped and it was not God.

Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

When he had to pay a price to follow Jesus the young man could not do it. 

Trying to live that foot in both worlds faith results in a life without much impact. The ire of Christ was never directed at sinners. His harshest words were directed at the religious types. Imagine walking up to a religious leader today and saying something like this…

Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things.

Jesus said the cost of following Him was full commitment.

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

That is an “Inconvenient Truth” for me. I want a Savior because I desire eternal life. I am reluctant to want a Lord because I would have to deed over control to God. Until we as followers of Jesus are willing to deny ourselves we will remain marginalized in this country. When people see something supernatural in our lives they will listen.

If we do not daily depend on Christ we are prone (every Christian) to be hypocrites and frauds. Al Gore gives us a secular mirror for our own self deception. We can too easily offer “sin offsets” instead of the difficult offerings of submission and grace. Inconvenient? Yep. Uncomfortable? No doubt. But if we are not sensitive to that truth we will leave a very small eternal footprint.

Umpires ruled that a pinch-runner could replace Tucholsky, but she would be credited with a single and only two runs would count. After being assured there was no rule against it, Central Washington first baseman Mallory Holtman and shortstop Liz Wallace carried Tucholsky around the bases, helping her to gently touch each base, completing her homer and adding a run to a 4-2 loss that eliminated the Wildcats from postseason.

(Western Oregon’s Sara Tucholsky is helped around the bases by members of the Central Washington softball team after injuring her knee when doubling back to tag first base) By Blake Wolfe, AP

USA Today had a follow-up to the story.

As word of the game spread, Tucholsky and Holtman have been featured on national television and radio, and written about in newspapers across the country. I love this story. It is a wonderful metaphor for how the church should function. The Central Washington team could have stood by and done nothing. The players could have offered sympathy. They could have sadly noted how tough life can be. But they chose action. Compassion. And they chose sportsmanship that is extraordinary.

There is a good lesson for followers of Jesus. Caring is often appreciated but action is never forgotten. Too often we substitute a half sincere word of sympathy or we seek the emergency exit I have too often used. “I will pray for you.” (sound of door slamming as I exit stage right)

If you mean that statement about prayer that is the best thing you can do.  But how often have I walked away and never followed up on that implied promise? And I wonder how often the quiet voice of the Spirit might have been telling me to do something as well?

James wrote these annoying words.

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. (James 4, NASB).

But I found the most interesting spiritual analogy to this story came from some feedback after the story broke. Gardiner picks up the story.

Not all the responses have been pleasant. One person labeled Holtman a selfish player who did not consider her teammates. Another e-mail criticized the women’s lack of competitive spirit. “That really bothered me,” said Tucholsky, who fears she has a torn ligament that will end her career. “We are very definitely competitive, but this was a situation were sportsmanship overrode our competitiveness.”

There was nothing selfish nor soft about this act. Sara Tucholsky earned the home run. She hit the ball over the fence. She was not given a home run. She was offered help to finish what she had already earned.

If someone can find fault with a player helping their opponent complete what they have already earned it is no wonder that our self-reliant culture struggles with the concept of the grace of God. The players carrying Tucholsky is a compelling but not complete picture of grace. Sara is being carried home when she could not do it herself. The difference between this act of grace and the grace of God toward me and you is enormous.

Sara Tucholsky hit the home run and then got help to finish. She had done something to earn the gracious help she received. When we come face to face with our sin in the matchup with God’s holiness we have no chance. Yet Jesus picks us up and carries us gently home. That is grace beyond comprehension. I look at this story from these special women and I am touched. But I think of the grace of Jesus carrying me when I had done nothing to deserve it and I am amazed, grateful and blessed.

Western Oregon coach Pam Knox offered these thoughts. “Some people are trying to say this is something men would never have done. I think that’s an unfair statement. You would hope guys would have the character to do the right thing at the right time.”

You would hope. But what I can control is how I respond. Will I have the character to do the right thing at the right time? Understanding the grace of God will allow me to extend some of that grace to my fellow sojourners.

I try to sample various schools of thought and I attempt to understand how others think. Part of my assignment on a recent road trip was watching Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO. To say that Maher doesn’t like Christians is one of the great understatements of all time. He would have to double his respect for Christians to ratchet up to contempt. Whew…Maher is so cynical he makes me look like Mr.Rogers on Prozac. But he did have one segment that was kind of amusing. Maher does a segment that he calls “New Rules.” He outlines the old rule and then he comedically (at least in his mind) unveils the new rule. To be fair, some were funny.

I got to thinking about how that applies to us to as followers of Christ. We often look at the struggles of the journey and declare “new rules” for ourselves. Part of the spiritual battle is being deceived into believing that we are exceptions to the rule. Pride whispers that God is pretty lucky to have me on the team. Perhaps we imagine we are special like those selfish folks who drive down the shoulder of the highway instead of waiting in the traffic jam like everyone else. Or like the person who kept jamming their seat into my knees on a flight today and gave me an opportunity to field test my forgiveness blogs that I have written.

Rewriting the rules could result in the making if a special set of Dave rules that only I get to play by. For example, here is your rule followed by my rule.

When you gossip it is sin….
When I gossip it is “sharing.”

When you stand up for a belief you are stubborn and rigid…
When I do I have the strength of my convictions.

When you make a mistake you are an immature Christian…
When I screw-up I am going through a “difficult time”.

You are selfish…
When I act selfishly I am looking out for myself because no one else will.

When you miss church you are letting down the fellowship…
When I miss it is because of my difficult week that you can’t even begin to understand.

When you don’t work at a church function you are lazy…
When I don’t volunteer it is because I can’t possibly take on another thing (sighhhh)

When you take initiative you are self-centered…
When I take charge I am following God’s direction.

When you get angry you have a terrible attitude…
When I get ticked off I am “filled with righteous indignation”…or something. 

I think I have made the point. I can run my sin through the Dave filter, apply my special Dave rules and remove every shred of personal responsibility and accountability.  C.S. Lewis pointed out our nature when he said, “It is only our bad temper that we put down to being tired or worried or hungry; we put our good temper down to ourselves.”  The good things I do are me bein’ spiritual, the bad things I do are because of whatever excuse I can muster that day. I have had enough of the excuses in my own life. George Washington said that “It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” For Christians there should be no excuses…good or bad. On those “Bad Christian” days (and all of us have them) we just need to learn the following phrases.

I am sorry.

Forgive me.