Month: October 2008

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Bald Is Beautiful

One of my smart aleck remarks that I use periodically is that “I am not burdened by that whole maturity thing.” There are many times when I go about demonstrating that in real life. But the unwelcome intrusion of “life” into my happy little routine has caused me to evaluate a lot of things. God is teaching and revealing a lot of things to me during our cancer journey. 1. I am clearly a work in progress as a follower of Jesus. 2. He has done a lot of work over the years that I was not aware of until this cancer trial came along.

Last night I had the weird privilege of helping clip off the rest of my bride’s hair that was falling out from the chemotherapy. As I reflected on that moment later I realized that nearly everything I knew about beauty when I was 25 years old was wrong. Like most men I looked for appearance first and then tried to find some good qualities. Joni was a stunningly beautiful woman when I fell in love with her over thirty years ago. I have often said that I married my trophy wife first and got it over with. I also joke that I married her to deepen my gene pool. And she has done that admirably. One of the ironies of this cancer journey is remembering how much I loved Joni’s long hair in the early years of our relationship. In fact I got upset when she cut it a few years into our marriage without my knowledge. Her hair was a real part of her beauty in my stunted male view of what beauty in a woman means. To be completely honest I wondered how I would react when the chemo therapy had its inevitable effect and she would be bald. Oh, I knew I would say the right things. I am not that stupid. But how would I react inside? Would it matter more than I cared to admit? And that is when I realized how much God has been working over the years. He has been retooling my thinking and my heart. Patiently. Quietly. Lovingly. Joni’s hair began to give up while I was on a recent trip. She decided to get the buzz cut while I was gone (again without my consent). So I walked in the door and she, in typical Joni fashion asked, “Want to see my head?” When I did I realized what God has been doing over the years to a shallow and selfish guy. He has been changing me and what I perceive to be beautiful. Because the truth is that Joni is as beautiful to me today as she was with that long, shining hair thirty years ago. That is because I am learning what beauty in a woman really looks like. Some days are better than others. I am grateful for the days when the sparkle returns to her beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes are the windows to a soul that has more depth than I could ever achieve. She is remarkable. She is my hero. Her faith inspires me. Her smile still lights up the room. I treasure each moment that I can make her laugh. The sound of her laughing is like a symphony to me. I have learned that beauty is so much more than what the world and testosterone ridden young men (or older men) think it is. Beauty is a package. One part physical to be sure. But beauty in the covenant of marriage is also emotional and spiritual. When I fell in love with Joni I just thought I was marrying a foxy lady. I was really too stupid to know I was marrying a gift from God. The classic description of a Godly woman from Proverbs 31 fits her pretty well. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life… She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. I married an amazing women. Right now she happens to be bald…and so very beautiful.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

Poison For Healing?

Therapy has always been a word that generates a good response. Massage therapy and aromatherapy have a nice, relaxing connotation. But I am retiring therapy from my lexicon of positive words after experiencing a round of chemotherapy this past weekend with my wife. Joni and I embarked on the first mile of our marathon stagger to survival. It is hardly a sprint.

Cancer, we are learning,  is a lot of hanging around hospitals, doctors, and nurses. The old cliche of “hurry up and wait” is the motto for anyone going through the monotony of long term treatment. When Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer in March the reality of that ugly word hit hard. But the reality of the reality settled over us Friday as I watched toxic chemicals drip, drip, drip into my beloved’s bloodstream. An Oklahoma newspaper recently ran a story on the weird logic of using poison for good.

“You’re putting poison into the system to kill those bad cells,” said Andrea Mosteller, a registered nurse who works in the Muskogee Regional Cancer Center. “It takes something that strong to do it.” Chemotherapy, Dr. Ravikumar Vasireddy explains, is a chemical that kills “fast-growing things,” terming it “cytotoxic,” or poisonous to cells. Cancer cells grow rapidly, making chemotherapy an ideal treatment for some types of cancer.

Some people claim to have no faith but you have to have a lot of faith in your doctors to allow them to hook up chemicals that are intended to kill cells, and those drugs can’t discriminate between good and bad cells. If the cell is fast growing it is their mission to hunt down and kill it. So the cells of the hair follicles are casualties alongside, prayerfully, the cancer cells. One of the first chemotherapy drugs was actually a derivative of the fearsome mustard gas used during World War I. Another drug Joni is taking is also used in rat poison. The drug is a both a rodenticide and a medical treatment. Not exactly a Certs commercial…”its a breath mint and a candy mint.” 

I sat at the side of my bride of thirty years and watched toxins drip into her bloodstream. These drugs can kill you or cure you. Joni would likely tell you after round one that the cure feels like it is killing you at times. I watched the drip of these toxins that we have chosen to allow with the belief that they will kill any dangerous, fast growing cancer cells before they can wreak havoc elsewhere in her body.

I couldn’t help but think how we Christians too often allow the toxins of bitterness to drip into our spirit and poison our joy, our relationships, and our influence for the Lord. The late author Lewis Smedes wrote powerfully about forgiveness. He often spoke of how only forgiveness can “release us from the grip of our history.” We cannot change an abusive upbringing. We cannot alter dysfunctional theological training that denied grace. We cannot simply deny the hurts that have been visited upon us and be spiritually free. Only forgiveness can release us from the grip of these real and historical events.”

So everytime you choose not to forgive just picture that drip, drip, drip of spiritual poison coarsing through your spiritual veins. Everytime you choose bitterness over joy listen for the quiet drip, drip, drip of toxicity racing to your heart.

We did not choose cancer. But we have chosen to accept that God is in control and He will somehow use our journey through this valley for His glory. We have chosen to trust the doctors who drip toxins into the body of my wife. I hope that you will not choose to let the toxins of bitterness, lack of forgiveness, pride, jealousy, and lust drip into your soul. Paul recognized the effect that these toxins have on our walk with Jesus.

And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.  (Eph 4,  NLT)

The poison of  bitterness, rage, harsh words, and slander target the growing cells of the fruit of the Spirit. You can choose to cut off those toxins before they do their ugly work. And I pray that you will.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

Wouldn’t Take Nothin’ For The Journey Now

Regular readers of these humble ramblings know one thing for sure. My brain is not wired according to factory specs. So it was no surprise to me that some synapses randomly crossed and I couldn’t get a gospel song out of my mind that I had not heard in, oh, forty years. That is the curse of a mind that can’t remember a security ATM pin number but knows every word to the Mr. Ed theme song.

I suppose the trigger for digging this gospel tune out of my musty brain storage unit was thinking about the journey that Joni and I begin in earnest this Friday. Somehow that brought to mind a gospel song that was a favorite in my house growing up. I had a rather unusual spiritual environment as a youngster. My parents were not regular church goers but they loved southern gospel music. We would go to concerts in the big city of Columbus, Ohio featuring groups like the Blackwood Brothers, the Stamps, the Speer Family, the Happy Goodmans, and others. I had forgotten that little slice of family history until this song perniciously implanted in my brain. The song was called “I wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey now” and I can still remember the lyrics.

Well, I started out travelin’ for the Lord many years ago,
I’ve had a lot of heartache, I’ve met a lot of grief and woe.
But when I would stumble, then I would humble down,
And there I would say I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

Well, I wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey now,
Gotta make it to heaven somehow,
Though the Devil tempt me & he tries to turn me around,
He’s offered everything that’s got a name,
All the wealth I want & the worldly fame,
If I could, still I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

There’s nothing in the world that’ll ever take the place of God’s love.
Silver & gold couldn’t buy a mighty touch from above.
When my soul needs healin’ I begin to feelin’ His power,
I can say thank the Lord, I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

If I could, still I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now

I write this one day before Joni begins chemotherapy for her breast cancer. We have talked about the journey ahead. We know it will be difficult. When we first found out about her cancer I quoted John Piper’s article called “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”. Here is an excerpt from that blog.

“It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate.”

We believe there is a reason for this journey we are on. We are praying that He will be glorified through this process. I would be less than honest if I said there are not moments when I wish the journey was easier or could be altered. I would have chosen to pass on the heartache, grief, and woe the song writer described above. There was a time when the wealth and fame were at the top rungs of my ladder of desire. But those heartaches, the grief, and the realization about what matters have molded me into who I am today. My journey toward being more like Jesus has a long way to go. Joni and I are ready for the next part of our journey together. We are, to be honest, a little frightened as we prepare to battle the giant. But we are steadfast in one thing. We wouldn’t take nothin’ for our journey now. We are going to make it somehow. And that somehow will involve the love of His people and a mighty touch from above…

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt 11,  NLT) 

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

Praise You In This Storm

So many friends have expressed caring, love, and prayers since the word went out about Joni’s cancer. We are touched and blessed by your prayers and encouragement. James told us to “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

That is a pretty tall order isn’t it? But as I look over my life I realize that every time of real growth was watered by adversity. Job endured a more severe test that most of us can even fathom. Not once through all of his overwhelming trials did Job sin. He said nothing against God. At one point Job’s wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” I am convinced that Job had decided in advance that his God was trustworthy so he was able to choose to trust Him. He most assuredly did not operate from feelings. He chose to honor God and accept the adversity. We choose to do the same.

I have decided two things. First of all, that I am grateful that my bride is not like Job’s bride. And second, that Joni and I will make this song from Casting Crowns our theme song for the next few months.

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Thank you for your prayers and support. We are humbled by your response.

Postscript: This song was a real comfort. And may I tell you that God was faithful to Joni and I throughout the storm. The key is the third line of the lyric. It is because of Who God is that we can trust Him. We have been there. Be encouraged during your journey.

My sons were a bit surprised and a little creeped out that their geezer Dad created a Facebook page. My argument was that wrinkled faces like to communicate with others too! In fact a lot of my slightly “higher mileage” friends are jumping into the cyber social networking scene. So it was with some interest that I read about a new bit of incredibly important research released this month. The news was startling.

Facebook users can be narcissists.

Can you believe it?

A new University of Georgia study suggests that online social networking sites such as Facebook might be useful tools for detecting whether someone is a narcissist. The researchers, whose results appear in the October issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that the number of Facebook friends and wallposts that individuals have on their profile pages correlates with narcissism. The research says this is consistent with how narcissists behave in the real-world, with numerous yet shallow relationships. Narcissists are also more likely to choose glamorous, self-promoting pictures for their main profile photos.

Here is my Facebook profile picture.

Yes, I am pictured in a television production truck with a donkey wearing headsets. I wonder what that says about me? I have often used the example of Balaam’s donkey as an example of why people should read my humble ramblings. In Numbers 22 we read these words.

And the LORD opened the mouth of the (donkey).

I chickened out on the King James Version. But my point is that it could happen again. The Lord could choose a (donkey) to speak through so keep reading just in case He does it again. The study made another observation about Facebook narcissists.

“Sometimes they’ll have a famous (Ralph Waldo) Emerson quote, but they’ll include quotes from themselves or something flattering someone else said about them.”

I have not done the self-promoting quote thing. Perhaps that is because my most flattering quote from a friend was something like this.

“I have had worse friends than Dave.”   Bradley

Based on this research I may not be a narcissist. My profile picture is hardly flattering. There are no fancy quotes on my site. Another indicator of Facebook narcissism was a lot of bragging the “About Me” section. I wrote this on my page

I am a joyful follower of Jesus Christ. I am incredibly happily married to the lovely Joni. Father of three most excellent sons and proud father-in-law of two extraordinary daughters. The rest is just filler.

Nonetheless, I really can’t be too smug about my mental stability. I am, after all, intently giving instructions to a polystyrene donkey wearing headsets.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Today we begin with D-Day…diagnosis day. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

SENTENCES THAT CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Most of life’s sentences are blissfully mundane. I can’t find my keys. Take out the garbage. Please feed the dog. I can’t find my keys. ADD readers will relate to that string of comments. But sometimes a single sentence will change your life. My bride of nearly thirty years dropped one of those sentences on me this week.

“My spot was cancerous.”

After an optimistic initial briefing from the surgeon days earlier we were not prepared for the harsh reality of the pathology report. The  breast cancer is still small but aggressive. The prognosis still optimistic but the journey will be hard. Yesterday I quoted that noted scholar and philosopher Mike Tyson who said, “Everyone has a game plan until they get hit in the mouth.”  That was how I felt after talking and crying with my wife. We are looking at a year of treatment and trials. But God is good and His grace is truly sufficient. How can you explain how forty eight hours later we can have such confidence and peace?

Many of you read these ramblings at Crosswalk and I have become a regular peruser of that site. Just last week pastor and author John Piper wrote an amazing article at Crosswalk called “Don’t Waste Your Cancer.” Piper wrote the article on the eve of his own prostate surgery so he has a little “street cred” on the topic. I was blown away at his godly response to this fearsome foe. I never dreamed that I would be sharing that article with my wife just days later.  Joni and I have adopted John’s spiritual battle plan right alongside our doctor’s medical strategy as we proceed to fight this giant. Here is just some of John Piper’s wisdom from that article.

You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
 
It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: “They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him” (Job 42:11). If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.

You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the LORD our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.

You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill” (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.

You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: “They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.

Joni and I do not intend to waste this experience. When we prayed about her upcoming surgery my amazing wife dropped another sentence on me that was a life changer.

“Dear God…I am not and I will not question you.”

How can you not want to go into battle with a woman like that? Yesterday I told her that I wished I was going through this and not her. She said that she was glad it was her and not me. The miracle of the two becoming one is that we both meant what we said. Just about thirty years ago I proclaimed another life changing statement without really realizing the magnitude of the vow that I was making.

I take you Joni to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…

So it is my turn to step up to the plate and back up that vow. What a privilege to be there for her as she would be there for me. We value your prayers. For anyone who might stumble on this blog I would suggest one more life changing statement. This is a statement that I have experienced and can highly recommend for both the mountains and valleys of this journey.

Jesus…I want to know you personally.

(Yesterday I wrote about a church in my town (Garland, TX) that took out a full page ad to admit they had been wrong. I had written earlier about my journey to learn how to admit that I have a well developed capacity to be wrong. Since this is “Admit You Are Wrong” week I decided to re-post that article today).

There are a lot of fun things about being a published author. For example, you are forever a published author even if you end up in a lonely bargain bin at some godforsaken outlet mall while some smiling preacher sells millons and millions of books for saying practically nothing but I’m not bitter. Whew. Didn’t see that coming.

One of the really bad things about being published is that your words are forever “out there”. When you write a book your words cannot be denied. That is unless you are Charles Barkley and you claim you were misquoted in your autobiography. But Charles…your autobiography is your own…sigh…never mind.

Something that seemed clever or wise eight years ago now seems like as bad an idea as the “Dumb and Dumber” tux I wore when I wed my beloved. I will point out that the smokin’ hot future Mrs.Burchett was somehow able to look past the tux and still say “I do”. 

So my wedding picture will forever be linked to Jeff Bridges and I will always have some words in print that I wish I had safely back in my computer.

When I was a younger man I suffered from CFS…Chronic Fonzie Syndrome. Fans of the old Happy Days TV show will recognize the character of Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli. Fonzie was the coolest guy on the show. But he had one big problem. He could not bring himself to say he was wrong. The clips are still funny. Fonzie takes a deep breath and makes the attempt.

“I was wr…wro…wr…”(and finally he just makes a choking sound in total resignation)

I know that CFS can also be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I am not making light of that frustrating malady. But it can also really wear you out to never be able to be wrong. When I was wrong in the past it would cue up the old soundtracks (negative tapes are always instant cues) and I would feel stupid and less than enough. I knew they would soon discover that I was an imposter and a college drop-out and that I had a Barry Manilow cassette in my car. I would get defensive and hidden.

And then I was healed. Miraculously I no longer suffer the effects of Chronic Fonzie Syndrome. I fact I can say it in all caps.

I WAS WRONG!

My healing was very simple. I finally trusted that what God says about me in His Word is true. I am justified by faith. I am not condemned. I am a new creature in Christ. I have been changed already. All of the junk that makes me defensive and weird and hidden has been nailed to the Cross. It does not exist anymore. I am a saint in the eyes of the Father. I have the Holy Spirit to help me understand His Word and my deepest needs. So why was I afraid to admit that I am also still human? Because I knew everything in this paragraph but I didn’t yet believe and trust it. That is the difference.

So I got a chance to exercise my incredible healing when an irate e-mail arrived in the cyber mailbox.

Dave, I’m reading through your book right now, “When Bad Christians Happen to Good People”. I bought it at Half Price Books for $1.00. I thought, ‘Hey, a sweet deal and (hopefully) a sweet read’. While I can say that the first few chapters fulfilled a sense of enjoyment well worth the asking price, I soon found your political stumblings too much to chew. I’m okay with the fact that you’re a republican, and I can appreciate the fact that you’re not a perfect Christian. However, I am bothered by the fact that you can use a politically charged rant as a method to reveal wisdom about evangalism.

I wish you well in the future Dave. I contemplated whether or not I should visit your site and post a writier’s criticism, because I have a feeling that you will simply write me off as one of those evil Christians your book deems as nonsense.   Michael P.

I had no problem admitting to Michael that I agreed with him that using politics was a really bad idea. I had no problem agreeing that I am not a perfect Christian (other references available from Joni and sons). I had no problem in posting his views on the old website. And I had no problem sending a note to him to tell him I was wrong.