When it comes to social media some people seem to be in attack mode all the time. My heartaches because friends and colleagues of mine say truly ugly things and assign terrible motives to people they don’t even know. I quit going negative on social media many years ago. I affirm where I can and stay silent when I cannot. I just don’t understand what satisfaction people get from savaging someone from the safe bunker of the Internet.

One word I choose to limit is hate. Hate is a powerful and deeply affecting word. But we toss it around so casually that it makes me wince. I am saddened, sickened, disturbed, and frightened at how the word hate is being hurled in our national discourse. Red-faced people of different viewpoints spew vitriol at those they disagree with. It can be an honest and complicated issue that people are reacting to, but they reduce the debate to hating their opponents instead of listening and discussing.

Author James Baldwin made this insightful observation: “I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes it is easier to demonize than understand what needs to be done. It is up to me and to you to change the discourse. We need to start by allowing God to be the one who defines hate. After all, He does have that righteous and holy power on His resume.

In the Book of Proverbs, there is a list of seven things that God hates.
eyes that are arrogant,
a tongue that lies,
hands that murder the innocent,
a heart that hatches evil plots,
feet that race down a wicked track,
a mouth that lies under oath,
a troublemaker in the family.   (Proverbs 6:17-19, The Message)

I believe we saw all seven of those things over recent days in our country. Political leaders favorite tactic of justifying bad behavior because of other bad behavior does not work with a holy God. Our God is not attention deficit and we cannot distract Him with a shiny sign condemning someone else’s sin.

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of “Words That Hurt, Words That Heal”, has lectured throughout this country on the powerful, often negative impact of words. He often asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, another person. Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands, signifying “Yes.” Others laugh, and quite a few call out, “No!”

Telushkin responds, “Those who can’t answer ‘yes’ must recognize that you have a serious problem. If you can’t go 24 hours without drinking liquor, you’re addicted to alcohol. If you can’t go 24 hours without smoking, you’re addicted to nicotine. So if you can’t go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you’ve lost control over your tongue.”

Or maybe you could try sending 24 posts without saying unkind words about others. It seems that people talk about things and people they detest instead of solutions. Hate is a very serious word to use when talking about anyone, and especially for followers of Jesus who rant on other believers. As Christians, we simply do not have that option. Yet I see this happening way too often.

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?  (1 John 4:20)

If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness. (1 John 2:9)

Ouch. It’s very clear—and uncomfortable to hear—that I need to pray for those I disagree with in the faith community.

But beyond that, I think we need to be extraordinarily prayerful about throwing the hate card at anyone. I would suggest that we often allow ourselves to slip from hating the sin to hating the sinner as well. A wise man tells us that “the fear of the Lord is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate” (Proverbs 8:13)

We see the first sentence of this next Proverb played out in social media.

Hatred stirs up strife,
but love covers all offenses.
(Proverbs 10:12)

The second part of this Proverb has been demonstrated by a few brave souls in my lifetime. Martin Luther King Jr. had some legitimate reasons to hate, but he chose not to. His words have not lost their power: “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Another courageous African-American, Booker T. Washington, made a similar choice. “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”

We hate people we don’t know and, without a doubt, that suspicious attitude prevents us from ever engaging with them. That is why the assassination of Charlie Kirk was so heartbreaking. He sought to engage with people who disagreed with his faith and his views of life. I cannot understand how anyone can say that seeking civil debate over cultural issues is wrong. He asked questions of critics. He gave them an open mic to show where his thinking was off base. His heart’s desire was to shine a light in a dark world through his faith in Jesus Christ. His process was to share truth through kindness and grace. Charlie knew that even truth shared with anger and condemnation will rarely change a heart.

I have decided to severely curtail my use of the word hate. I am praying to follow the words of Booker T.Washington to permit no man to degrade my soul by making me hate.

I have to remind myself that the actions that make me angry are the result of our fallen nature and sin. Hating people will not fix either of those issues. My hope is that finding a relationship with Jesus Christ will heal their anger and pain. I can’t influence hearts by using inflammatory words. I want to engage them in grace filled conversation. And remember that words do matter. A lot.