Author: Dave Burchett

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

A primer for being a good cancer buddy…

It is not easy to know what to do when a friend or loved one face cancer or other daunting illness. Here are some things we learned on our journey.

1) It is okay to say the “C” word. Joni and I know that she has cancer so it will not be a surprise to us. We believe that we have a “C” word in our lives that trumps the fear of cancer. That “C” word is Christ.

2) You don’t have to “say” anything profound, theologically brilliant, or comforting. Simple phrases like “I am praying” and “I am here if you need me” pack more punch than a theological dissertation on suffering. Some don’t know what to say and then proceed to say it in great detail. Joni and I don’t need to “figure” this all out right now. We just need to walk with the Lord one step at a time. We know He has a plan. We are not necessarily convinced that He has told you what it is.

3) Do not try to “prepare” your friends with stories of other cancer patients. Recounting stories of terrible side effects and problems are really not helpful. The doctor will give us a good rundown of those possibilities based on our case. We have a medical team for that. Our friendship team can best help by being positive and prayerful.

5) Do not predict the outcome with phrases like “you are going to be fine.“ No one is completely sure of the outcome. What you can say is that God will be faithful and you want to walk with them throught the journey as well.

6) It is okay to cry and it is okay to laugh. Crying doesn’t mean you are not dealing with the cancer well and laughter does not mean you are in denial. Both are part of the journey.

7) Be careful to not misuse scripture. The most common good hearted misapplication is telling Christians going through adversity that “God will not give you more than you can handle.” That verse in Corinthians (I Cor 10:13) refers to temptations, not troubles. We will have troubles. Instead concentrate on the promises that His Word gives us about strength for those times. Suggestions?

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Matt 11:28 NLT

Cast your cares on the LORD
       and he will sustain you;
       he will never let the righteous fall.  Psalm 55:28

8) Embrace your role as a part of the body of Christ. We are all in this together. Do practical things like bring a meal or clean the house.

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

9) Don’t say that you could not deal with adversity as well as your friend is handling it. You could. Part of being a follower of Christ is knowing He is with you in times like this. You are given strength and comfort that is supernatural. It is there when you need it. You can’t store it for future trouble or put it in a to go box for later. God apportions that strength and comfort out as needed. The peace that surpasses all understanding is real.

10) Learn from those who have shown how it looks to trust Jesus in adversity. Joni and I have had two amazing couples as mentors in our lives. I wrote about them in an earlier blog called  My Nominations for Persons of the Year. Our friends showed us by walking the walk how God is real in far worse situations than ours. Jesus is real. He is real in the good times. And especially in the bad.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Dictionary.com defines masquerade as one who goes about as if in disguise; to have or put on a deceptive appearance. It is funny that Joni and I never realized we were putting on a bit of a masquerade as we adjusted to her breast cancer. We had no idea that we were donning masks at times. We had no intention of being deceptive. But we have both come to realize that we were sometimes putting on masks as we addressed the trial ahead.

I was trying to be John Wayne and Joni was running around disquised as Wonder Woman. I dig John Wayne. But I am not John Wayne, Pilgrim. It is funny how you think that you have to always be strong and in control as a man. I first was “unmasked” by a friend at work.

“How are you doing?“, my friend Mike asked.
“Fine,“ I replied automatically. (Didn’t he know that John Wayne once said in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence that “Out here a man settles his own problems.” Partner, I don’t need your help!)
“And what is behind the mask?“, he inquired.
“Really, we are doing well,“ I protested. But his question haunted me and later I reflected on his question. Because I knew behind the mask I was not John Wayne. I was more like Don Knotts. Trembling while blustering that I was in control. Behind the mask I related to the lyrics of my oft quoted musical heroes Casting Crowns in their song Voice of Truth.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

My trust in God never wavered but I was too stubborn to admit that I needed the encouragement of the body of Christ in this journey. I need the strength of my brothers and sisters in the faith. I was not and am not John Wayne. When I hid behind the mask I was doomed to bottom out for awhile. And I did.

My wife’s masquerade was different. Joni is much closer to Wonder Woman than I would ever be to John Wayne. But she is still not Wonder Woman. Joni had to remove the mask of independence and self-sufficiency. Joni is a giver and most givers have a hard time receiving. Her responses from behind the mask went something like this.

“What can I do for you, Joni.“
“Nothing. Just pray. We are fine.“
“Can I bring dinner?“
“No, we are fine.“
“Is there anything I can do?“
“Thanks. We are doing okay.“

But chemotherapy slows down even Wonder Woman and Joni has had to learn the lesson that givers sometimes have to receive in the body of Christ. We realized this weekend that we really are doing well as long as we simply play ourselves. God is moving in our lives, encouraging, loving, and teaching us in this valley. When we step out of our comfort zone we are learning to listen to His voice only. Here is the chorus to the song Voice of Truth.

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

And that is our strategy in a nutshell…unmasked. We have chosen to listen to the voice of truth. There is one John Wayne quote that really resonates with me. The Duke once observed that “Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.” Amen, John. That is true grit and true faith. King David understood the concept of being scared and saddling up anyway.

But when I am afraid,
       I put my trust in you.     
    O God, I praise your word.
       I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?  Psalm 56

Our trust in a God who is worthy gives us the courage to saddle up anyway. We have decided to put away the masks. And that feels really good. Give it a try sometime.
 

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Chemotherapy reminds me of the original Rocky movie. You take a beating, get back up, take a beating, get back up. Rocky had one goal in mind and that was to go the distance. As you got caught up in the drama you wondered how he could keep getting back on his feet and continuing. For Rocky there was no choice.

Adrian: Why do you wanna fight?
Rocky: Because I can’t sing or dance.

As Rocky surmised, sometimes you don’t have many good options. In that movie Rocky fought the invincible Apollo Creed. No fighter had ever gone the distance against him.

Joni is fighting a foe that is also intimidating but not invincible. Many of her sisters have fought and vanquished this foe. It is hard for me to watch her get back up and head to the next round. But we know that each round brings us closer to the finish.

One memorable scene in Rocky occurs before the big fight. After all the fear and preparation were over Adrian and Rocky shared this moment.

Adrian: [just before the big fight] I’ll be here waiting for you.
Rocky: How ’bout I stay here and you fight?

Our roles are reversed. I have to wait and Joni has to fight. I wish we could switch. But for now my role is to be Joni’s corner man in this fight. Round 3 of chemotherapy is this Thursday.

Here are the prayer requests for this round.

• Pray that her blood counts will not drop to dangerous levels
• Pray that the side effects will be manageable
• Pray for Joni’s encouragement
• Pray that I will be a good “corner man“
• Pray that we will continue to put our trust in the Great Physician
• Pray that we will not “waste this cancer” and that God will be glorified through it

We know that we have a constant source of strength. Paul wrote to Timothy these words. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”

Joni is remarkable. She will get back up and re-enter the chemotherapy ring. This is scheduled to be an eight round chemo fight. We look forward to the day when Joni has defeated this fearsome foe. I also look forward to our version of the exchange between Rocky and Apollo Creed. As you recall, Rocky won the fight and inflicted some damage himself. A battered Creed and Rocky have this memorable exchange.

Apollo Creed: Ain’t gonna be no rematch.
Rocky: Don’t want one.

That is the reason for this chemo battle. We are praying that there “ain’t gonna be no rematch.“ Your prayers and love make a difference. 

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Bald Is Beautiful

One of my smart aleck remarks that I use periodically is that “I am not burdened by that whole maturity thing.” There are many times when I go about demonstrating that in real life. But the unwelcome intrusion of “life” into my happy little routine has caused me to evaluate a lot of things. God is teaching and revealing a lot of things to me during our cancer journey. 1. I am clearly a work in progress as a follower of Jesus. 2. He has done a lot of work over the years that I was not aware of until this cancer trial came along.

Last night I had the weird privilege of helping clip off the rest of my bride’s hair that was falling out from the chemotherapy. As I reflected on that moment later I realized that nearly everything I knew about beauty when I was 25 years old was wrong. Like most men I looked for appearance first and then tried to find some good qualities. Joni was a stunningly beautiful woman when I fell in love with her over thirty years ago. I have often said that I married my trophy wife first and got it over with. I also joke that I married her to deepen my gene pool. And she has done that admirably. One of the ironies of this cancer journey is remembering how much I loved Joni’s long hair in the early years of our relationship. In fact I got upset when she cut it a few years into our marriage without my knowledge. Her hair was a real part of her beauty in my stunted male view of what beauty in a woman means. To be completely honest I wondered how I would react when the chemo therapy had its inevitable effect and she would be bald. Oh, I knew I would say the right things. I am not that stupid. But how would I react inside? Would it matter more than I cared to admit? And that is when I realized how much God has been working over the years. He has been retooling my thinking and my heart. Patiently. Quietly. Lovingly. Joni’s hair began to give up while I was on a recent trip. She decided to get the buzz cut while I was gone (again without my consent). So I walked in the door and she, in typical Joni fashion asked, “Want to see my head?” When I did I realized what God has been doing over the years to a shallow and selfish guy. He has been changing me and what I perceive to be beautiful. Because the truth is that Joni is as beautiful to me today as she was with that long, shining hair thirty years ago. That is because I am learning what beauty in a woman really looks like. Some days are better than others. I am grateful for the days when the sparkle returns to her beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes are the windows to a soul that has more depth than I could ever achieve. She is remarkable. She is my hero. Her faith inspires me. Her smile still lights up the room. I treasure each moment that I can make her laugh. The sound of her laughing is like a symphony to me. I have learned that beauty is so much more than what the world and testosterone ridden young men (or older men) think it is. Beauty is a package. One part physical to be sure. But beauty in the covenant of marriage is also emotional and spiritual. When I fell in love with Joni I just thought I was marrying a foxy lady. I was really too stupid to know I was marrying a gift from God. The classic description of a Godly woman from Proverbs 31 fits her pretty well. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life… She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. I married an amazing women. Right now she happens to be bald…and so very beautiful.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

Poison For Healing?

Therapy has always been a word that generates a good response. Massage therapy and aromatherapy have a nice, relaxing connotation. But I am retiring therapy from my lexicon of positive words after experiencing a round of chemotherapy this past weekend with my wife. Joni and I embarked on the first mile of our marathon stagger to survival. It is hardly a sprint.

Cancer, we are learning,  is a lot of hanging around hospitals, doctors, and nurses. The old cliche of “hurry up and wait” is the motto for anyone going through the monotony of long term treatment. When Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer in March the reality of that ugly word hit hard. But the reality of the reality settled over us Friday as I watched toxic chemicals drip, drip, drip into my beloved’s bloodstream. An Oklahoma newspaper recently ran a story on the weird logic of using poison for good.

“You’re putting poison into the system to kill those bad cells,” said Andrea Mosteller, a registered nurse who works in the Muskogee Regional Cancer Center. “It takes something that strong to do it.” Chemotherapy, Dr. Ravikumar Vasireddy explains, is a chemical that kills “fast-growing things,” terming it “cytotoxic,” or poisonous to cells. Cancer cells grow rapidly, making chemotherapy an ideal treatment for some types of cancer.

Some people claim to have no faith but you have to have a lot of faith in your doctors to allow them to hook up chemicals that are intended to kill cells, and those drugs can’t discriminate between good and bad cells. If the cell is fast growing it is their mission to hunt down and kill it. So the cells of the hair follicles are casualties alongside, prayerfully, the cancer cells. One of the first chemotherapy drugs was actually a derivative of the fearsome mustard gas used during World War I. Another drug Joni is taking is also used in rat poison. The drug is a both a rodenticide and a medical treatment. Not exactly a Certs commercial…”its a breath mint and a candy mint.” 

I sat at the side of my bride of thirty years and watched toxins drip into her bloodstream. These drugs can kill you or cure you. Joni would likely tell you after round one that the cure feels like it is killing you at times. I watched the drip of these toxins that we have chosen to allow with the belief that they will kill any dangerous, fast growing cancer cells before they can wreak havoc elsewhere in her body.

I couldn’t help but think how we Christians too often allow the toxins of bitterness to drip into our spirit and poison our joy, our relationships, and our influence for the Lord. The late author Lewis Smedes wrote powerfully about forgiveness. He often spoke of how only forgiveness can “release us from the grip of our history.” We cannot change an abusive upbringing. We cannot alter dysfunctional theological training that denied grace. We cannot simply deny the hurts that have been visited upon us and be spiritually free. Only forgiveness can release us from the grip of these real and historical events.”

So everytime you choose not to forgive just picture that drip, drip, drip of spiritual poison coarsing through your spiritual veins. Everytime you choose bitterness over joy listen for the quiet drip, drip, drip of toxicity racing to your heart.

We did not choose cancer. But we have chosen to accept that God is in control and He will somehow use our journey through this valley for His glory. We have chosen to trust the doctors who drip toxins into the body of my wife. I hope that you will not choose to let the toxins of bitterness, lack of forgiveness, pride, jealousy, and lust drip into your soul. Paul recognized the effect that these toxins have on our walk with Jesus.

And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.  (Eph 4,  NLT)

The poison of  bitterness, rage, harsh words, and slander target the growing cells of the fruit of the Spirit. You can choose to cut off those toxins before they do their ugly work. And I pray that you will.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

Wouldn’t Take Nothin’ For The Journey Now

Regular readers of these humble ramblings know one thing for sure. My brain is not wired according to factory specs. So it was no surprise to me that some synapses randomly crossed and I couldn’t get a gospel song out of my mind that I had not heard in, oh, forty years. That is the curse of a mind that can’t remember a security ATM pin number but knows every word to the Mr. Ed theme song.

I suppose the trigger for digging this gospel tune out of my musty brain storage unit was thinking about the journey that Joni and I begin in earnest this Friday. Somehow that brought to mind a gospel song that was a favorite in my house growing up. I had a rather unusual spiritual environment as a youngster. My parents were not regular church goers but they loved southern gospel music. We would go to concerts in the big city of Columbus, Ohio featuring groups like the Blackwood Brothers, the Stamps, the Speer Family, the Happy Goodmans, and others. I had forgotten that little slice of family history until this song perniciously implanted in my brain. The song was called “I wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey now” and I can still remember the lyrics.

Well, I started out travelin’ for the Lord many years ago,
I’ve had a lot of heartache, I’ve met a lot of grief and woe.
But when I would stumble, then I would humble down,
And there I would say I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

Well, I wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey now,
Gotta make it to heaven somehow,
Though the Devil tempt me & he tries to turn me around,
He’s offered everything that’s got a name,
All the wealth I want & the worldly fame,
If I could, still I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

There’s nothing in the world that’ll ever take the place of God’s love.
Silver & gold couldn’t buy a mighty touch from above.
When my soul needs healin’ I begin to feelin’ His power,
I can say thank the Lord, I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

If I could, still I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now

I write this one day before Joni begins chemotherapy for her breast cancer. We have talked about the journey ahead. We know it will be difficult. When we first found out about her cancer I quoted John Piper’s article called “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”. Here is an excerpt from that blog.

“It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate.”

We believe there is a reason for this journey we are on. We are praying that He will be glorified through this process. I would be less than honest if I said there are not moments when I wish the journey was easier or could be altered. I would have chosen to pass on the heartache, grief, and woe the song writer described above. There was a time when the wealth and fame were at the top rungs of my ladder of desire. But those heartaches, the grief, and the realization about what matters have molded me into who I am today. My journey toward being more like Jesus has a long way to go. Joni and I are ready for the next part of our journey together. We are, to be honest, a little frightened as we prepare to battle the giant. But we are steadfast in one thing. We wouldn’t take nothin’ for our journey now. We are going to make it somehow. And that somehow will involve the love of His people and a mighty touch from above…

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt 11,  NLT) 

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

Praise You In This Storm

So many friends have expressed caring, love, and prayers since the word went out about Joni’s cancer. We are touched and blessed by your prayers and encouragement. James told us to “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

That is a pretty tall order isn’t it? But as I look over my life I realize that every time of real growth was watered by adversity. Job endured a more severe test that most of us can even fathom. Not once through all of his overwhelming trials did Job sin. He said nothing against God. At one point Job’s wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” I am convinced that Job had decided in advance that his God was trustworthy so he was able to choose to trust Him. He most assuredly did not operate from feelings. He chose to honor God and accept the adversity. We choose to do the same.

I have decided two things. First of all, that I am grateful that my bride is not like Job’s bride. And second, that Joni and I will make this song from Casting Crowns our theme song for the next few months.

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Thank you for your prayers and support. We are humbled by your response.

Postscript: This song was a real comfort. And may I tell you that God was faithful to Joni and I throughout the storm. The key is the third line of the lyric. It is because of Who God is that we can trust Him. We have been there. Be encouraged during your journey.