Author: Dave Burchett

Jerry Seinfeld has a bit about trying to select an appropriate greeting card.

They have the greeting cards with the couples on the front. They photograph them. These hazy focus people. They’re always having picnics. There’s always a tree, a pond… who are these people? I don’t know them. I don’t want them on my card either. What am I going to write inside there anyway? “Here’s another couple having a better relationship than us.”

Who are these people? That question has been going through my mind as I read the angry comments about the airplane incident with the Osteens. I have been deeply disappointed by the comments posted on my site. I know that most of them come from angry spiritual hall monitors that happened to stumble on this site. Clearly many of them think that Christians should never question another person in the faith no matter what they do. Clearly many of them think any mention of a uncomfortable situation, no matter how civil in tone, is judgmental and wrong. Clearly many of them did not respond to the points that I actually made in my post. I think the responses demonstrate the problem we have in the American church. We have lost the ability to discuss truth with grace. Feel free to read my article about Victoria Osteen. At no point did I criticize the Osteen’s ministry. I never said that flying first class was a sin. (That would have made me a sinner hundreds of more times than I have already tallied) I never said that Mrs.Osteen was entirely at fault. I simply asked this question. What is our accountability as followers of Christ (especially those with influence) when an incident occurs that could tarnish the name of Christ and His church? That was my question. That question was directed at the Osteens, at my readers and at myself.

Instead I got comments completely unrelated to that question. For example…

This is a prime example of someone wanting free money. Hemerhoids? Lost my faith? Mental anguish? Over a little spat about a spill. Come on, It’s one more person wanting to ger free money and not work.

That may be the case but it was not the point. Don’t think I got into the hemorrhoid issue at all. If I had I would have used the joke about her troubles being behind her now. And by the way, take a moment to run your diatribes through a spell check. Proof reading would be good too. It is hard to take seriously someone who talks about a “fowl” spirit unless you are writing about a rooster’s attitude.

Why not check out the past of the flight attendant? Has she had mental problems or money problems before?

Sighhhhhhhh. Let he who is without sin run the first Google check.

Never did he (Jesus) apologize to the people who crusifed him. (SIC) He did not apologize for who he was. 

That seems a bit of a stretch to compare what Christ endured on the cross to a spill in first class. Are you kidding me?

So I say, I see another human being Chistian woman who has become a public figure being persecuted all for financial gain. Im sure she is not perfect but I also say why offer an apology if you feel you are not wrong. Should she offer an apology just because some one has accused her of something?

No. She should offer an apology because she did something wrong. Once you get out of your seat against the directives of the flight crew you have done something wrong and that merits a response. It is a zero tolerance law. Once those actions delayed and inconvenienced others you have done something wrong. That would be the reason. And the flight attendants (not stewardesses) are there to prepare the plane safely for departure and follow all government safety directives. Although you should expect some degree of improved service in first class it is not their primary purpose on any flight to serve you immediately.

Did ya’ll learn nothing from Kelly Siegler’s fall from grace by attacking Lakewood as loonies, nuts and screwballs? Didn’t you learn that the local Republican party chief goes to Lakewood?

What? Where did I attack Lakewood or call anyone names? And when did the Republican party chief attending a church become an indicator of church health? 

We at Lake wood are well educated teachers, doctors, lawyers, moms, fathers………Cults try to woo you into a certain belief; we at Lakewood believe in love, Jesus Christ and God. I’m going to do what Joel tells us to do, come to church with me and you’ll never be the same.

That’s awesome. And not in any way related to my post.

Ya’ll are wasting a lot of negative time bashing the Osteens. Why not do good with your words. Complement someone. Do something for others and you wouldn’t have time to screed.

We’all didn’t even know we were screeding. I found out that screed is a noun meaning long harangue or discourse. Regular readers of the humble ramblings know I am entirely capable of a long discourse. I am not much of a screeder if you use the haranguing definition.

True humility is not quick to expose our brothers or sisters in the Lord lest we be exposed and humilated ourselves. Naming and pointing out ministers or ministries of any kind is not, especially with a global audience, does not glorify God and certainly doesn’t impress sinners.

I understand the point of this message to some extent. But I would suggest that it does not impress “sinners” to act like a follower of Christ should not be held accountable. Some readers told me I had no idea about airline service and what it meant to fly in first class. I guess the six million frequent flyer miles I have accrued and dozens upon dozens of first class flights don’t count. True humility would have certainly worked in this situation. The kind of humility that Paul encouraged from the church at Philippi.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2)

Hard to justify demanding first class “rights” in light of that passage.

Wow! I’m glad you people posting on this site will not be judging me when I get to Heaven. I didn’t know that once i accepted Jesus Christ as my savior that i am supposed to be perfect. You make it sound as if I can never do anything or say anything wrong. No one should hold any pastors or their wives/family members to a higher standard or idolize them for that matter.

I am also really glad that “you people” won’t be judging me. God knows all of the junk in my life and still sees me as holy because I am justified through Christ. I am also pretty sure that I said exactly the opposite about having to be perfect. I wrote that we will make mistakes and I wrote about how we should respond in humility and grace to resolve any issues that discredit our testimony. I said there is no condemnation in Christ but there is responsibility as disciples. And you are just wrong about not holding to a higher standard for leaders of the church.

If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.
(1 Timothy 3)

Several comments led with this verse.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I wonder about applying this as a catch-all verse to deflect accountability. Jesus was speaking to “religious” hypocrites who wanted to kill a sinner instead of saving her. He was speaking to men who conveniently ignored the law about both parties being guilty since it would seem two parties were necessary for the charge against her. And He was speaking to men trying to trick Jesus into breaking the law of Moses so they could accuse him of heresy. I think the principle applies broadly but the text does not give us biblical Teflon that causes sin not to stick. We are without condemnation from Christ but we still face the consequences of sin.

One writer had a humbling and profound thought.

A pastor I know was asked once how a person could spot a preacher who is a fraud. His reply was simple but spoke volumes, “If the preacher emphasizes his personality more than God’s and spends more time selling his books and trinkets than salvation, a person would have a right to be suspicious.”

I include that not because I am saying that applies to Mr.Osteen but because it applies in some way to all of us. What is my motive for ministry? Is my recognition or other’s salvation more important to me? If I am maturing into who Christ says I already am then I will be focused on glorifying God and not worrying so much about how others perceive me.

I am often wrong. I am often in need of forgiveness. So I always write with the knowledge that I could fail at any moment. But what I am learning is that when I am honest with my God and with others about who I am then I can truly exhibit humility and grace to my circle of influence.

(This is an update of an earlier post)

Yes…the spelling in the title is correct. I am going to reluctantly revisit the airplane incident with Joel and Victoria Osteen that happened in December, 2005. One of the most visited posts I have ever written was in regards to the tepid apology that Mrs.Osteen issued after the incident. I finally removed the article after it became merely a feedback repository for partisan shots. The comments became a back and forth series between those who support the Osteen’s and their ministry versus those who do not. It became a spectacular exercise in missing the point. The ministry of Joel and Victoria Osteen was never the focus of my article. I became so frustrated and dismayed with the discourse that I removed the post. This article is an attempt to stay on point.

My argument was never about the Osteen’s ministry, mega-churches, celebrity Christians or any of the issues raised by many of those who posted feedback. My focus was on accountability for everyone in the body of Christ and our responsibility to respond with graciousness and humility. Immediately after the initial story was reported I wrote these words.

“I pray that the Osteens will handle this in a way that demonstrates the humility and grace of Jesus. We all make mistakes. It is how we respond to them that can make a difference. Repenting and repairing by asking forgiveness is a very good way to practice damage control.”

A couple of days later a letter was posted on the church website from Victoria Osteen.

Regardless of how some have portrayed the situation, please know that it was truly a minor misunderstanding and did not escalate into what you saw or read in the news. Contrary to those reports it was my choice to remove myself from the situation. Nonetheless, it was a most unfortunate event and I truly regret that it happened.

The last thing I would ever want to do is let any of you down. And I promise you that I did not act in any way that would cast a bad light on you, my family, Lakewood Church or our Lord Jesus Christ. I value the position that God has placed me in and I can assure you that I will always walk in love and integrity. While I am not perfect, I will always seek to be a peacemaker and seek the high road.

I was disappointed in Victoria Osteen’s response. She never wrote the words “I am sorry” or “please forgive me” for this incident. I wonder if either of those phrases would have altered the course that has now resulted in an ugly trial.

The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member. Ms. Osteen paid the fine in August to put the issue to rest, her attorney Rusty Hardin told the Houston Chronicle. She believes “very, very strongly” that she did nothing wrong, Mr. Hardin said.

But the reality is that something happened. There was a disagreement that was strong enough for the family to leave the plane and delay the flight for over two hours. No matter how minor or major the misunderstanding that event inconvenienced a lot of people. So it seemed to me that some words of contrition to the passengers would have been helpful. When you are a visible and vocal representative of Jesus, whether it’s at a megachurch or a mini mart, you are representing Jesus everyday and every moment. I can guarantee you that if I display unseemly behavior the first thing that will pop into the minds of those who know me will be  “I wonder if that is in his wonderful little Christian books?”. One of my biggest fears in writing books (and these daily ramblings) was that I have put myself on the line for the rest of my life. My actions will be evaluated in light of what I have written and said. Fair? Probably not. But it is a fact. And I accept that with humility and deep soberness.

But the reality is that simply announcing  “I am a Christian” does exactly the same thing. Your failures likely won’t make the news but they may do a lot of damage. Here is the lesson for all of us. When we inevitably fail we need to remember the five R’s of reconciliation.

1. Review – evaluate your actions prayerfully in the light of the Holy Spirit
2. Repent – trust God to resolve your sin by depending on His Spirit
3. Repair – seek out those who have been affected and ask forgiveness
4. Reject Excuses – don’t negate the power of forgiveness by saying something like I am sorry but I was having a bad day. Just say I am sorry or please forgive me. Period.
5. Rejoice – in a gracious God who forgives us time after time after time.

Can we do anything less if we truly stop and consider His grace to us? Because of Christ I am redeemed and their is no condemnation for me from God. But I still face the consequences of my actions. I squirm a bit when I write articles like this. I look in the mirror and I see a deeply flawed man. I also hesitant because I have been hurt by mean spirited people who would not recognize grace if it bit them on their pew coverers. And I can count on someone writing a response to me with a lot of ALL CAPS and they will use the verse from Matthew to let me know I am a judgmental jerk.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

I think we have so broadly applied this teaching that we have ceased to hold ourselves, and others, accountable in how all of us represent Christ. Remember that Jesus was addressing the religious people who talked about godliness but acted entirely differently. I am to evaluate myself by the standards of God’s Word, and yes, the standard should be higher for me because I have publicly identified myself as a follower of Christ. I want others to hold me accountable. I would prefer they do that with grace. In fact, I was confronted a couple of years ago by a person who informed me that my actions did not match my public testimony. I was deeply saddened by my actions but I was also grateful. I was able to repent and ask forgiveness of that person and others. That is the standard we set for ourselves as Christians. I know. I am a small fish and it was not a news story. But I had claimed one thing and portrayed another. I had damaged the precious name of Jesus. This courageous person called me on my response and because of grace the situation was completely resolved. I cannot judge the motives or heart of Mrs. Osteen or anyone else. I do believe that she could have diffused this situation with a different response. But my focus is squarly on myself and how I respond when I face frustrations in life.  I would hope that is the focus of Christians reading this article.

I pray that I will  offer a loving and grace filled response. But the reality is that I may need to humble myself and seek forgiveness. Both glorify the name of Jesus. Please let that be the takeaway from this writer.

I got a very kind and challenging response to the recent article about Living the Abundant Marriage. This is the note that arrived on my guestbook page.

I loved your article “Living the Abundant Marriage”. -and I cried because as a couple we could relate to this so much. My husband read it and he liked it but his response was: How? Communication in this area seems blocked for us though we have tried hard to communicate, it appears. What would the answer be…

First of all I have to tell you I related to the husband’s monosyllabic response. How? That’s a typical guy response. Let’s cut to the chase here blog boy. Nice words but how does that work?

My second response was one of bemused amazement. Me giving marital advice feels a little bit like a mule explaining to a thoroughbred how to win the Kentucky Derby. So I have to be honest and tell you I have no pat answer with seven steps and a workbook. I can only tell you what God is teaching me.

One word in your note hit me where I lived for so many years. Tried. I tried so hard for so long. I tried this book and that study and this program. I tried early morning quiet times and forced Bible reading programs. I tried everything that came along. There is nothing wrong with any of the stuff I tried. The problem was it was all me trying to be more godly using the same approach I used at work. Work hard and be creative and God will be impressed. He wasn’t.

When I was tired of trying God brought the TrueFaced seminar into our life and we learned a workable, practical theology of grace and identity in Christ. I don’t mean to put these guys on a pedestal. They may be nearly as dysfunctional as your humble blogger. But God has given these men some insights into the kind of problem that you are describing that is simply astounding. They taught me how to stop trying and how to start allowing God to love me. Joni and I just finished going through the TrueFaced book with two other couples. God used the wisdom of this book to change everyone of us in significant ways.

One husband wrote this to me.

(This study) has drawn out of me a desire, no, an ability, to be myself.  Removing many masks, I now feel more whole…more and less vulnerable, but much stronger…thank you!

Good buddy Earl knows me and still took a chance that I might be right on this one. He started going through the study with his group. Here is what he wrote.

Youngest son Brett suggested that I read The Last Lecture. The book came from the notoriety gained when Professor Randy Pausch literally delivered his last lecture at Carnegie Mellon because he knew he was soon going to die. The lecture became one of the most viewed items on the internet. I finished the book on July 25^th and then found this item in the next day’s news.

Randy Pausch, a prominent computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University who became an instant sensation far beyond the classroom last year when he delivered his inspiring “Last Lecture,” knowing he had only months to live, died July 25 at his home in Chesapeake, Va. He was 47.

That was a little weird. The book and the lecture on YouTube is inspirational and thought provoking. Pausch’s response to a terrible disease was remarkable. Here is just one little tidbit from the book and lecture.

“We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand. If I’m not as depressed as you think I should be, I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

Because of Joni’s recent battle with breast cancer this story was especially poignant. We have had to face our mortality in very real ways. I began to think about what my last message might be if I found myself in Randy Pausch’s situation. I read the obituaries everyday and it often makes me sad to see a life with nothing of value to report. Some obits are not much more than “Fred was a carbon based life form for 67 years”. I hope that most of the people who stumble to this site want to leave a little more behind than that.

I suspect I would plow much of the same ground as Randy. Have fun. Relax about the things that don’t really matter. Live fully in the moment. If I had to condense five decades and change down to a last message I think the outline might look something like this.

Love your wife.

Most of us repeated something like this on our wedding day.

I, (Guy in Hideous Tux), take you (What Were You Thinking Beautiful Bride), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

One of my last messages to young men and women would be to take those vows seriously. The word cherish is a word that guys don’t use much but it is one we should look up and learn the meaning. Dictionary.com defines it simply. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear. I wish I had cherished my wife more consistently over the years. I do plan to finish strong.

Love your children.

I would tell parents to love their children for who they are and not what you had hoped to produce. Affirm them with love for who they actually are and the gifts God gave them. I hate disingenuous praise. Every child is gifted in some areas and not so much in others. Tell them how they are special. Tell them when you are proud of them. Tell them you love them. Let them be kids now and then. Let them get dirty and break things once in a while. It’s okay. They are kids. It is no reflection on you that they are not perfect.

Love your friends.

I would want my last message to encourage people to make friends and not just acquaintances. When I see people who don’t have a good friend I feel really sad for them. A person with good friends is never poor. Solomon knew that a real friend loves you no matter what happens. He wrote these words in Proverbs. There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Love your life.

Sure life is hard. For some life is really hard. But we do have a choice in how we play the cards dealt to us. Read stories about those who play their difficult life cards well. And pray for the strength to choose that strategy.

Love to laugh.

Everyone who knows me at all knows that I love to laugh and enjoy my time on the planet. I have adopted the philosophy that if an embarrassing moment is going to be funny in a year you might as well start laughing today. Learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh with your spouse and your kids and your friends. Laugh often and long.

Love to serve and give.

The happiest people I know are those who give their lives away. It is so counter-intuitive to the messages we are bombarded with every day. I would probably work in a little bit from Philippians 2, Colossians 3 and Romans 12.

Love grace.

I probably wouldn’t go off and die without putting in a plug for my guys at TrueFaced. Their treatment of grace changed my understanding and God used them to change my life. Here is a sample.  In the room of grace,  we grow up and mature into something that is already true about us: (we are) godly. God is not interested in changing the Christian. He already has…God wants us to believe that He has already changed us so that He can get on with the process of maturing us.

Love today.

I think Satan’s strategy is devastating simple and effective. Cause us to live in regret of the past and fear of the future and that will rob us of the joy of today. Find something to love in each day. It could be the day before your life summary in the obituaries. Who knows?

Love learning.

I had some bad teaching in my early journey with Jesus but I have never stopped learning and pursuing the truth and what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I love to learn. About God, about life, about everything.

Love Jesus.

I talked to a friend of mine whose son just returned from a youth mission trip to Costa Rica. His main takeway was this observation.

“Dad, they aren’t like Christians in American. They really love Jesus.” I know that many people really love Jesus in this country. But what he saw was unashamed, authentic and complete devotion to Christ. It is often too easy not to live that life in this blessed land. Really love Jesus. Most of us are content with a Savior. Jesus wants to be Lord in our lives. The difference is profound in how we travel our Christian journey. Learn who you are in Christ. Forgiven. A saint with no comdemnation who is adored by God. Trust Jesus to be Lord. God is trustworthy. That is true and I have experienced it. I think that would be the last point of my last message. 

July 31^st is Mutt’s Day. I am a big fan of the phony baloney holiday. For example, your humble rambler has done the work of researching a special holiday for every day of the first week of August.

August 1^st –  Your choice. Homemade Pie Day or Respect for Parent’s Day.
August 2^nd – National Ice Cream Sandwich Day
August 3^rd – I know I should choose International Forgiveness Day but it is far easier to go with National Waffle Day.
August 4^th – National Mustard Day
August 5^th – I rejected Work Like a Dog Day because I am currently looking at my dog Hannah laying on her back with every leg going in a different direction.

If the holiday was live like my dog lives I would celebrate that instead. So I offer National Failures Day as a way to help you feel better about yourself.
August 6^th – Big day. You can choose Friendship Day. If you want to put a real damper on Friendship Day you can celebrate National Gossip Day instead. Or you can default to National Wiggle Your Toes Day. 
August 7^th – Beach Party Day

There you have it. Seven days of revelry to start your month. This all started when I got the email informing me that July 31^st is Mutt’s Day. We have one of those creatures so I thought a little update on our rescued mutt might be timely.

A little background is in order for those who are not regular readers of these humble ramblings. I have written a couple of blogs about dogs. I realized the amazing connections we have with our canine partners after a tongue in cheek piece about the Canine School of Evangelism became one of the most read articles in the brief history of this blog. A follow up dog story about the Touch of the Master was also well received by readers. It reaffirmed what I have been saying for years. I need to combine my dog stories with other Christian best sellers in order to get enough book sales to retire. So I have begun work today on “Your Best Life for Purpose Driven Dogs Who are Left Behind in Jabez.” Finally I will get some shelf space at the local Christian chain store! (Note to spiritual hall monitors: I am joking. I don’t write Christian books to generate income to retire. However, I wouldn’t mind getting enough to pay Baylor University tuition).

The story of our mutt started innocently enough with a phone call from youngest son, Baylor student and dog lover Brett. He had spotted three abandoned puppies along the side of the road and he stopped to try and help them. Two ran off but he managed to round up one of them. Brett called to let me know that he intended to bathe, feed, care for the dog and then take him to the Humane Society on Monday for adoption. I knew I was in trouble when Brett decided to let me know what his rescued puppy looked like. This arrived via cell phone messaging.

I called the lovely Mrs.Burchett. “He is working me,” I told her. “He is falling in love with this dog.” On Sunday I was driving through Waco and I stopped to see Brett and his alleged short term friend. The way this puppy followed Brett around and looked at him was astounding. He appeared to sense that Brett was, for him, the canine version of Amazing Grace. That dog seemed to understand that he once was lost and now was found. Maybe if we remembered our dramatic rescue along the side of the road to destruction we might gaze at our Rescuer more consistently with such a look of adoration.

But now we had a bigger problem. I also started falling in love with this improbable mutt. I laughed with Joni and we concluded that our family dog population had just increased. Brett was scheduled to take “Trigger” to the vet for shots and a checkup on Monday since the Humane Society was no longer on the radar. On Monday another phone call came. Trigger had become violently ill overnight. The scourge of all abandoned puppies seemed to have attacked this sweet little ragamuffin mutt. Trigger had contracted the parvovirus. Brett’s words were heartbreaking in their honesty and love.

“Dad, I don’t think he is going to make it. But at least he knew he was loved for a few days.”

Okay. I cried at Old Yeller. I am a soft touch. But that remark from my youngest touched my heart and made me think that this is a microcosm of ministry. Sometimes it is heartbreaking. The results don’t always match our desires. But if we can love the down and out like Jesus at least they know they have been loved and they will know the source of that love.

For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ 
“Then these righteous ones will reply, `Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’ And the King will tell them, `I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ (Matt 25, NLT)

The results are not guaranteed when you minister to the least of these. But when we do minister to the least of these we show them the very face of Jesus.

This one had a happy ending. Trigger was in the hospital for 12 days of intravenous feeding and medication. I earned hundreds of miles on my credit card thanks to Trigger. Now Trigger is a rambunctious and deliriously happy young adult.

We are dog sitting him while Brett is off for a summer internship. Trig and I combined to send a little gift to his friend and rescuer.

Trigger is doing great. And he still knows that he is loved.

If you missed the last edition of the humble ramblings allow me to bring you up to date. One of Job’s buddies gave us a seminar on how not to treat a friend going through a difficult season. Today we have another lesson. Our first guest is Zophar from Naamath. And, waiting backstage to confront his friends is the star of the book, Job himself. 

Let’s welcome Zophar from Naamath:

Job, do you think you can carry on like this and we’ll say nothing?

(Pretty sure Job was thinking that ain’t likely to happen). 

That we’ll let you rail and mock and not step in? You claim, “My doctrine is sound and my conduct impeccable.’  How I wish God would give you a piece of his mind, tell you what’s what! I wish he’d show you how wisdom looks from the inside,  for true wisdom is mostly “inside.’  But you can be sure of this,  you haven’t gotten half of what you deserve. (Job 11:3-6, MsgB) 

Application: Can you imagine what Job must have thought with this line of thought? He had lost everything including his health. What more could possibly go wrong? Death, as Job repeatedly noted, would be blessed relief from his plight. Leave the judgment robes at home when you speak to those who are going through trials. The goal of a good friend  is to engage, listen, comfort and restore. It is worth noting that the first round of “help” from his friends generated this cynical response from Job.
 
“I’m sure you speak for all the experts, and when you die there’ll be no one left to tell us how to live. 

Haven’t you been there? Listening in disbelief and even anger to the person who has it all figured out. Observation from your resident Bad Christian: About 90 % of the time these armchair experts have not experienced anything resembling what you are going through. I must make a note to thank Job someday for bringing into scripture the ministry of sarcasm. But I digress. Back to his comments.

But don’t forget that I also have a brain-I don’t intend to play second fiddle to you. It doesn’t take an expert to know these things. “I’m ridiculed by my friends: ‘So that’s the man who had conversations with God!’  Ridiculed without mercy: ‘Look at the man who never did wrong!’  It’s easy for the well-to-do to point their fingers in blame,  for the well-fixed to pour scorn on the strugglers. (Job 12:2-5, The Message) 

Application from Job. There is much to learn about approaching those who are hurting from Job’s words. His friend’s judgments and neatly wrapped solutions only added to his hurt. It is indeed easy to offer reasons when someone else is going through hurt and difficulties. I pray that we will show grace to the wounded. First, because they need it but more selfishly because we soon may need that very grace returned.

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. (Galations 6, The Message)

 Job has more to offer about the ineffectiveness of his friends.

“I’ve had all I can take of your talk. What a bunch of miserable comforters! (Job 16:2, The Message) 

Application: It would seem rather obvious that Job was looking for comfort and not theological insight and debate from his friends. He had already decided to hold steadfast to God. He just needed his friends to come along side and walk with him through difficult times. It is an interesting twist because Scripture records that the original mission for his friends was to do exactly what Job needed from them.

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.  (Job 2, NIV)

How could such a noble mission veer so far off target? The Church Lady would say, “Could it be?”  (echo)  “Satan?”  I don’t mean to completely throw Job’s friends under the Ox Cart. I am sure their heart’s desire was to help Job. This story is in God’s Word for a reason. This is an important lesson for those of us who are hurt or offended by friends. Job’s friends sacrificially left their homes and traveled to be helpful and comforting. They just blew it. And sometimes you and I do as well.

In addition to the less than helpful input from his pals, Job had  a memorable and uncomfortable exchange with the lovely Mrs. Job.

His wife said, “Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you? Curse God and be done with it!” He told her, “You’re talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God-why not also the bad days?” Not once through all this did Job sin. He said nothing against God. (Job 2:9-10, The Message) 

I am pretty sure that I would have addressed Joni a bit differently. Uhhh…make that I am positive I would have addressed that differently.  Job’s insights to his wife are valuable. His technique of communication might have later led to counseling or an appearance on the Rabbi Phil Show. Nonetheless, through all of his trials he did not turn on God although (and this is important) he was extremely candid with God in his conversations. I think that we fear being honest with Him as if God doesn’t already know our feelings. Jesus Himself questioned what He was about to endure in His gut wrenching prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. But He finished by saying, “Not my will but yours be done.”
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Another role of a good friend is to encourage that honest, gut-level communication with God. That can be a key to beginning the healing process. One of the things that I have found out through my writing is how valuable it is to write and see your feelings and frustrations on paper. If you thought When Bad Christians Happen to Good People was a bit edgy you should have seen the first draft! Some of the feelings that poured out as I wrote were anything but edifying and exposed emotions and issues that I needed to address with God and not some innocent person accidentally buying my book. It was quite helpful (and a bit unsettling) to see those things on paper. It was instrumental in allowing me to deal with them.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit may direct you to speak hard truth. But make sure it is surrounded with grace and affirmation. And make sure you understand as much as you can about what your friend is going through. And don’t say you understand if have not been through something very similar. You don’t.

Often after you provide the ministry of listening a wounded friend will give you permission to offer insights. But Job’s friends did what is so easy for any of us to do. Offer solutions instead of protective love and support. All of us have done that at one time or another. I am grateful for the lessons from Job and from his friends. I just pray that I can learn them.

For the most part I have learned to roll with the responses to my blogs and books. But I have to admit that some responses bug me. Recently I wrote an article on the Five Stages of Church Woundedness. The post was in response to correspondences with a pastor friend but the gist of the article was intensely personal. I dialed up Crosswalk and read this response from a reader.

Do not assume that someone going through trials is at fault for their difficulties. And do not assume that they are not at fault. Allow God to handle both of those duties. Eliphaz proclaimed that it was his “observation” that you reap what you sow. That is a principle that is often true but we know from God’s Word that Job’s trials were unrelated to sin or evil in his life. Eliphaz jumped to an incorrect and hurtful conclusion before knowing the facts. Listen first. Allow wounded and hurting friends to express their frustration and pain. This goes against every natural instinct that most of us possess. I am prone to want to jump in and fix the problem. God is teaching me to listen, pray and allow the Holy Spirit to direct my words and actions.

When you are with a brother or sister going through deep trials  I would suggest using any one of the following three strategies.

1. Be empathetic and listen.
2. Be empathetic and listen.
3. Be empathetic and listen.

I devised this strategy specifically for me because my previous program consisted of only one step.

1. Loosely hear a few sentences and then impatiently solve their problem with some vaguely appropriate verses while dramatically sharing my own personal story that far exceeds their puny little problem.

I can assure you that the results of that strategy were not stellar. In my defense, the three step plan above takes a lot more caring and work. 

 The next lesson from Eliphaz…

“So, what a blessing when God steps in and corrects you! Job 5:17 (MsgB) 

I am pretty sure that Job was not quite at the “I’m thinkin’ what a blessing this is” phase of his ordeal. While he remained stubbornly faithful to the Lord and did not sin against Him, Job was angry, frustrated, bitter, bewildered and downcast about all the anguish he was going through. In other words, Job was human. His trust in God was supernatural, his roller coaster ride of emotions was normal.

The truth that God can use every circumstance for ultimate good is a foundational promise of our faith. However, it is often difficult if not impossible to understand that truth during the turbulence of the trial. When I fly I know intellectually that those big bumps and shudders are caused by disturbances in the air and I will surely survive it. But realistically I just want to get through the turbulence and back to smooth air. Then I can intellectually consider the aerodynamics of clear air turbulence. So it is with the turbulence of life.

Focus on being empathetic. You don’t need to offer answers and try to explain things that are often without explanation. Back to the question in the response to my article.

What’s the alternative to preaching grace anyway?

That is easy. Living it.