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I have established a couple of traditions in the short history of the humble ramblings. One of them is revisiting this post (with a couple of updates) every homecoming weekend at Baylor University. It is that time again.

It is Homecoming this weekend at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. Thousands of alumni will make their way to Central Texas for the event. It seems odd to me that I am looking forward so much to this homecoming. The celebration is at a college that I did not attend. I’m not even Baptist, dadgummit (that is Baptist cursing). But my heart has become a part of the Baylor tradition. Why? I am the very proud father of two Baylor grads and the youngest is a senior-light at the school. He will graduate this December. I have invested time and more treasure than I care to think about in Baylor University.

It is a very special place for me. Each son has made relationships that have become my relationships. One found a wife there. All three have grown in wisdom and stature while attending the school. They have developed wonderful friendships and many of those friends have made our house their house on multiple occasions.

Why is this homecoming special for me despite my lack of a Baylor degree?

It is about relationships.

And memories. 

I look forward to Homecoming this weekend in Waco but as I get older I look forward to another Homecoming. A spate of sad events in the newspaper today reminded me again that I am merely a renter on this planet. I don’t really own a single thing that matters. When I  am driving a rental car and hit a pothole my first reaction is always, “Oh well, it’s just a rent car.” That describes the attitude I am developing as I hit the potholes of life. I have lots of stuff here but that is all it is. Stuff. This is just a “rental” life. What really matters is my faith, my family and those relationships that make the drive on the dangerous and poorly maintained roads of life worthwhile.

Jesus talked about homecoming and He was not talking about Baylor. He talked about the big one. I am scheduled to attend that Homecoming someday and I am happy about that. Why? Looks like a good program is being planned.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”  (John 14)

You can’t find a room in Waco this week but I already have one for this Homecoming! How cool is that? I am not anxious to leave this earth but I do look forward to that homecoming someday. Why?

It is about relationships.

And memories.

I have a daughter there. My saintly grandmother is there. My wonderful earthly father is there. My Mom recently went home to heaven. Joni and I have many dear friends who recently made the journey home. The list goes on and on. And I have a personal relationship with Jesus that makes me excited about the event.

I have a few investments here but I have unspeakable wealth and eternal investments there. We don’t think much about that in our culture do we? There is so much of the good life here that heaven seems obscure and maybe not even an upgrade. But we are not permanent residents here. Enjoy the journey. Invest in relationships. Realize we were created with a desire to know our Creator.

And get ready for Homecoming.  It should be a blast!

I have been posting articles during Breast Cancer Awareness Month about Joni’s battle with Her-2 Positive Breast Cancer. This is the last one of the series. Joni is now a 2 year survivor and she is doing great. I hope these articles have encouraged you if you have been down this difficult path or are facing it now.

Blessings,

Dave

I am not a crier. So it was a bit out of character when the tears started flowing yesterday as I drove through the canyon in downtown Dallas. I blame Lindsay for this event. Lindsay is my bride’s cousin who moved to Texas recently. She already loved country music so that saved us some time to indoctrinate her. We love having her in Big D but she is going to have to stop introducing me to songs that make driving dangerous.

Lindsay told us about a song that we just had to hear. So I downloaded it to the trusty iPod and fired it up as I drove to work yesterday. The song is called Tough and it is performed by Craig Morgan. If you know much about our past year you will quickly see why this song had the Old Yeller/Field of Dreams effect on the eyeballs. The lyrics start innocently enough…

She’s in the kitchen at the crack of dawn
Bacon’s on, coffee’s strong
Kids running wild, taking off their clothes
If she’s a nervous wreck, well it never shows
Takes one to football and one to dance
Hits the Y for aerobics class
Drops by the bank, stops at the store
Has on a smile when I walk through the door
The last to go to bed, she’ll be the first one up
And I thought I was tough

Chorus:

She’s strong, pushes on, can’t slow her down
She can take anything life dishes out
There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough

That made me smile as I remembered the days when Joni juggled three active boys through school, baseball, basketball, and forced Cotillion dance lessons. I was a little too absent as I carved out my career. I finally realized how tough she really was to raise three wonderful sons while her husband traveled around the country and world. I appreciated how tough she was while sacrificing weekends with our friends because sports teams insist on playing on the weekends and sports television was my job. So a mixture of fond memories and some regrets filled my mind when I got ambushed by the next verse.

We sat there five years ago
The doctors let us know the tests showed
She’d have to fight to live, I broke down and cried
She held me and said it’s gonna be alright
She wore that wig to church
Pink ribbon pinned there on her shirt
No room for fear, full of faith
Hands held high, singing Amazing Grace
Never once complained, refusing to give up
And I thought I was tough

I am not ashamed to admit that those words turned on the waterworks. That is my bride and that has been her journey. She has been full of faith from diagnosis day till this moment. No room for fear because she believes that faith in God casts out fear as you rest in His Sovereign hand. I have probably complained more about my knees aching than she has about cancer. And she has refused to give up because she wants to live and serve the Lord. If I thought I was tough that misguided notion fell by the wayside as I watched Joni battle cancer with the courage that a young shepherd boy challenged a Philistine giant. Now we have passed the one year mark, the scans have been clear and the treatments are nearly done.

How can I thank all of you who have prayed so faithfully over the past year? Many of you have prayed so diligently and I don’t even know you. We may never meet this side of eternity. Yet you have cared enough to pray for us throughout this long journey. Amazing. Joni has retired the wig now and is wearing her very own hair to church. Here is a picture from Easter weekend.

                                                                

Joni’s strength and dignity have humbled me. There was a time before she was mine when I thought I was tough. No more. But there is one other thing I have learned during this difficult year.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. 

Yet it was good of you to share in my (our) troubles.  Phil 4

Thank you. It really was good of you to share in our troubles. And we are so grateful and humbled.

The Update:

On Mother’s Day Joni was asked to throw out the first pitch at the Texas Ranger’s Major League Baseball game.

 
Joni with the Ranger’s Mascot and dear friend and Six Time Gold Glove winning catcher Jim Sundberg (Jim is the one with the smaller nose)

That day is designated as Breast Cancer Awareness Day by MLB. Joni threw out the first pitch as a survivor! What an amazing moment for us and especially for her. She has been a warrior and I am so proud of her. Fifty family and friends showed up to cheer her on. She made it to the plate on one bounce.

Joni displays fine form for her first pitch

Notice that her uniform number is 1 N 8. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer during their lifetime. Joni’s message to any woman reading this is to get regular testing and to be persistant if you believe something is wrong. With early detection the five year survival rate is 96%! Please, please, please get your mammograms and yearly exams. But you should also know a wonderful promise if your diagnosis happens to not be positive. Many people have said that they could not have done what Joni and I have done in the past 15 months. We would have said the same thing before our cancer journey began. Here is what we know for sure. God meets you at the moment of need and provides the grace and strength you need for each moment. You can’t bank it in advance. It is moment by moment as you depend on Him. You can do it. We did.

For the past several days I have been posting articles from Joni’s battle with breast cancer. I hope sharing her story as a two year survivor will be an encouragement to those facing or going through the storm.

Blessings, Dave

One Of Our Most Important Cancer Lessons

Last week was a great week. Joni and I had our next to last date at the Slow Drip Spa and on Friday she had her chemo port removed. The finish line is now clearly in sight. We have learned so much over the past 16 months. An earlier story called the Cancer Chronicles linked some of the blogs that were written during this difficult journey. One of the more subtle but most important lessons is the subject of today’s humble ramblings.

A country song reminded me again about a critical lesson that we learned just a few months down the long and winding road of treatment. Tracy Lawrence has a hit recording about friendship. The song is titled “You Find Out Who Your Friends Are” and Lawrence notes that some friends step up when there is a need.

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor need a couch need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn’t know
This is where the truth don’t lie

When we heard the news of Joni’s cancer it felt like driving off the side of the road. After the initial numbness wore off we began to give friends and family the news. The initial response was encouraging. But as the days and weeks drag on the lyrics of Lawrence’s song become reality.

You find out who you’re friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas get there fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me’ or ‘it’s way too far’
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who you’re friends are

I think most of us have a preconceived list of who will be there when we have a personal crisis. That list is often wrong. Joni and I were surprised that some people did not respond as we expected. And some did respond exactly as we thought they would. Other people that we never dreamed would drop everything did just that and showed up consistently with their big old hearts.

I will be honest and admit that Joni and I spent some early time dwelling on some people who did not step up. And then God taught us the critical lesson. The lesson came courtesy of a book that really helped Joni during her most difficult chemotherapy regiment. Praying Through Cancer is a series of devotionals written by cancer patients. One day Joni discovered a brief devotional about this very topic. The writer noted that she had learned to be grateful for the people that God raised up to minister to her. She had learned that God placed her illness on the hearts of some that she would have never expected. She changed her focus from dwelling on those who weren’t there to rejoicing for those that God had chosen to share the journey with her.

Joni discussed that little devotional with me and the light went on for both of us. We started thinking about some unlikely people who had faithfully sent cards, brought food and expressed love and prayers. Then we quit worrying about who wasn’t there for us and started thinking about who was there. And our joy returned.

Choosing to be grateful for the people God had chosen to minister us allowed us to change our attitude toward those who had not stepped up as we had expected. Satan would have us dwell on the disappointment of unmet expectations and totally miss the joy of unexpected blessings from the body of Christ. Maybe our expectations of some folks were unfair. Perhaps they were dealing with their own personal or spiritual valleys that made it impossible for them to be there for us. Perhaps some simply did not know how to respond and then it became more difficult as time went by.

Solomon wrote this in Ecclesiastes.

If one falls down,
       his friend can help him up.
       But pity the man who falls
       and has no one to help him up!

We are grateful that we had friends and fellow travelers in the body of Christ to help us up. The list of helpers that God lifted up looked a little different than we would have predicted. But what a blessing that has turned out to be as we see how He has moved in the hearts of many that we did not expect.

Tracy Lawrence continues with his song…

When the water’s high
When the weather’s not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who’s gonna be there?

Joni and I have learned to be grateful for who is there and forgiving of those who are not. That is one of the most important lessons we have learned on this long journey.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm.

Blessings and grace, Dave

A primer for being a good cancer buddy…

It is not easy to know what to do when a friend or loved one face cancer or other daunting illness. Here are some things we learned on our journey.

1) It is okay to say the “C” word. Joni and I know that she has cancer so it will not be a surprise to us. We believe that we have a “C” word in our lives that trumps the fear of cancer. That “C” word is Christ.

2) You don’t have to “say” anything profound, theologically brilliant, or comforting. Simple phrases like “I am praying” and “I am here if you need me” pack more punch than a theological dissertation on suffering. Some don’t know what to say and then proceed to say it in great detail. Joni and I don’t need to “figure” this all out right now. We just need to walk with the Lord one step at a time. We know He has a plan. We are not necessarily convinced that He has told you what it is.

3) Do not try to “prepare” your friends with stories of other cancer patients. Recounting stories of terrible side effects and problems are really not helpful. The doctor will give us a good rundown of those possibilities based on our case. We have a medical team for that. Our friendship team can best help by being positive and prayerful.

4) Do not use mournful tones when talking to a cancer patient.  Just use your normal voice…really. We won’t suspect you don’t care.

5) Do not predict the outcome with phrases like “you are going to be fine.“ No one is completely sure of the outcome. What you can say is that God will be faithful and you want to walk with them throught the journey as well.

6) It is okay to cry and it is okay to laugh. Crying doesn’t mean you are not dealing with the cancer well and laughter does not mean you are in denial. Both are part of the journey.

7) Be careful to not misuse scripture. The most common good hearted misapplication is telling Christians going through adversity that “God will not give you more than you can handle.” That verse in Corinthians (I Cor 10:13) refers to temptations, not troubles. We will have troubles. Instead concentrate on the promises that His Word gives us about strength for those times. Suggestions?

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Matt 11:28 NLT

Cast your cares on the LORD
       and he will sustain you;
       he will never let the righteous fall.  Psalm 55:28

8) Embrace your role as a part of the body of Christ. We are all in this together. Do practical things like bring a meal or clean the house.

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

9) Don’t say that you could not deal with adversity as well as your friend is handling it. You could. Part of being a follower of Christ is knowing He is with you in times like this. You are given strength and comfort that is supernatural. It is there when you need it. You can’t store it for future trouble or put it in a to go box for later. God apportions that strength and comfort out as needed. The peace that surpasses all understanding is real.

10) Learn from those who have shown how it looks to trust Jesus in adversity. Joni and I have had two amazing couples as mentors in our lives. I wrote about them in an earlier blog called  My Nominations for Persons of the Year. Our friends showed us by walking the walk how God is real in far worse situations than ours. Jesus is real. He is real in the good times. And especially in the bad.

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Dictionary.com defines masquerade as one who goes about as if in disguise; to have or put on a deceptive appearance. It is funny that Joni and I never realized we were putting on a bit of a masquerade as we adjusted to her breast cancer. We had no idea that we were donning masks at times. We had no intention of being deceptive. But we have both come to realize that we were sometimes putting on masks as we addressed the trial ahead.

I was trying to be John Wayne and Joni was running around disquised as Wonder Woman. I dig John Wayne. But I am not John Wayne, Pilgrim. It is funny how you think that you have to always be strong and in control as a man. I first was “unmasked” by a friend at work.

“How are you doing?“, my friend Mike asked.
“Fine,“ I replied automatically. (Didn’t he know that John Wayne once said in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence that “Out here a man settles his own problems.” Partner, I don’t need your help!)
“And what is behind the mask?“, he inquired.
“Really, we are doing well,“ I protested. But his question haunted me and later I reflected on his question. Because I knew behind the mask I was not John Wayne. I was more like Don Knotts. Trembling while blustering that I was in control. Behind the mask I related to the lyrics of my oft quoted musical heroes Casting Crowns in their song Voice of Truth.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

My trust in God never wavered but I was too stubborn to admit that I needed the encouragement of the body of Christ in this journey. I need the strength of my brothers and sisters in the faith. I was not and am not John Wayne. When I hid behind the mask I was doomed to bottom out for awhile. And I did.

My wife’s masquerade was different. Joni is much closer to Wonder Woman than I would ever be to John Wayne. But she is still not Wonder Woman. Joni had to remove the mask of independence and self-sufficiency. Joni is a giver and most givers have a hard time receiving. Her responses from behind the mask went something like this.

“What can I do for you, Joni.“
“Nothing. Just pray. We are fine.“
“Can I bring dinner?“
“No, we are fine.“
“Is there anything I can do?“
“Thanks. We are doing okay.“

But chemotherapy slows down even Wonder Woman and Joni has had to learn the lesson that givers sometimes have to receive in the body of Christ. We realized this weekend that we really are doing well as long as we simply play ourselves. God is moving in our lives, encouraging, loving, and teaching us in this valley. When we step out of our comfort zone we are learning to listen to His voice only. Here is the chorus to the song Voice of Truth.

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

And that is our strategy in a nutshell…unmasked. We have chosen to listen to the voice of truth. There is one John Wayne quote that really resonates with me. The Duke once observed that “Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.” Amen, John. That is true grit and true faith. King David understood the concept of being scared and saddling up anyway.

But when I am afraid,
       I put my trust in you.     
    O God, I praise your word.
       I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?  Psalm 56

Our trust in a God who is worthy gives us the courage to saddle up anyway. We have decided to put away the masks. And that feels really good. Give it a try sometime.
 

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Chemotherapy reminds me of the original Rocky movie. You take a beating, get back up, take a beating, get back up. Rocky had one goal in mind and that was to go the distance. As you got caught up in the drama you wondered how he could keep getting back on his feet and continuing. For Rocky there was no choice.

Adrian: Why do you wanna fight?
Rocky: Because I can’t sing or dance.

As Rocky surmised, sometimes you don’t have many good options. In that movie Rocky fought the invincible Apollo Creed. No fighter had ever gone the distance against him.

Joni is fighting a foe that is also intimidating but not invincible. Many of her sisters have fought and vanquished this foe. It is hard for me to watch her get back up and head to the next round. But we know that each round brings us closer to the finish.

One memorable scene in Rocky occurs before the big fight. After all the fear and preparation were over Adrian and Rocky shared this moment.

Adrian: [just before the big fight] I’ll be here waiting for you.
Rocky: How ’bout I stay here and you fight?

Our roles are reversed. I have to wait and Joni has to fight. I wish we could switch. But for now my role is to be Joni’s corner man in this fight. Round 3 of chemotherapy is this Thursday.

Here are the prayer requests for this round.

• Pray that her blood counts will not drop to dangerous levels
• Pray that the side effects will be manageable
• Pray for Joni’s encouragement
• Pray that I will be a good “corner man“
• Pray that we will continue to put our trust in the Great Physician
• Pray that we will not “waste this cancer” and that God will be glorified through it

We know that we have a constant source of strength. Paul wrote to Timothy these words. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”

Joni is remarkable. She will get back up and re-enter the chemotherapy ring. This is scheduled to be an eight round chemo fight. We look forward to the day when Joni has defeated this fearsome foe. I also look forward to our version of the exchange between Rocky and Apollo Creed. As you recall, Rocky won the fight and inflicted some damage himself. A battered Creed and Rocky have this memorable exchange.

Apollo Creed: Ain’t gonna be no rematch.
Rocky: Don’t want one.

That is the reason for this chemo battle. We are praying that there “ain’t gonna be no rematch.“ Your prayers and love make a difference. 

You would have to be in a cave or colorblind to not know this is breast cancer awareness month. Some may find the pink ribbons everywhere a bit much. I am one who is grateful for every ribbon I see. My bride is now a two year survivor and the dollars poured into research along with faith, hope and prayers all contributed to her current status. I know many other woman (and their friends and loved ones) are on this tough journey right now. For the rest of October I am going to re-post some of the articles Joni and I wrote during that trial. Joni and I hope her story will be an encouragement to those going through the storm. Blessings and grace, Dave

Bald Is Beautiful

One of my smart aleck remarks that I use periodically is that “I am not burdened by that whole maturity thing.” There are many times when I go about demonstrating that in real life. But the unwelcome intrusion of “life” into my happy little routine has caused me to evaluate a lot of things. God is teaching and revealing a lot of things to me during our cancer journey. 1. I am clearly a work in progress as a follower of Jesus. 2. He has done a lot of work over the years that I was not aware of until this cancer trial came along.

Last night I had the weird privilege of helping clip off the rest of my bride’s hair that was falling out from the chemotherapy. As I reflected on that moment later I realized that nearly everything I knew about beauty when I was 25 years old was wrong. Like most men I looked for appearance first and then tried to find some good qualities. Joni was a stunningly beautiful woman when I fell in love with her over thirty years ago. I have often said that I married my trophy wife first and got it over with. I also joke that I married her to deepen my gene pool. And she has done that admirably. One of the ironies of this cancer journey is remembering how much I loved Joni’s long hair in the early years of our relationship. In fact I got upset when she cut it a few years into our marriage without my knowledge. Her hair was a real part of her beauty in my stunted male view of what beauty in a woman means. To be completely honest I wondered how I would react when the chemo therapy had its inevitable effect and she would be bald. Oh, I knew I would say the right things. I am not that stupid. But how would I react inside? Would it matter more than I cared to admit? And that is when I realized how much God has been working over the years. He has been retooling my thinking and my heart. Patiently. Quietly. Lovingly. Joni’s hair began to give up while I was on a recent trip. She decided to get the buzz cut while I was gone (again without my consent). So I walked in the door and she, in typical Joni fashion asked, “Want to see my head?” When I did I realized what God has been doing over the years to a shallow and selfish guy. He has been changing me and what I perceive to be beautiful. Because the truth is that Joni is as beautiful to me today as she was with that long, shining hair thirty years ago. That is because I am learning what beauty in a woman really looks like. Some days are better than others. I am grateful for the days when the sparkle returns to her beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes are the windows to a soul that has more depth than I could ever achieve. She is remarkable. She is my hero. Her faith inspires me. Her smile still lights up the room. I treasure each moment that I can make her laugh. The sound of her laughing is like a symphony to me. I have learned that beauty is so much more than what the world and testosterone ridden young men (or older men) think it is. Beauty is a package. One part physical to be sure. But beauty in the covenant of marriage is also emotional and spiritual. When I fell in love with Joni I just thought I was marrying a foxy lady. I was really too stupid to know I was marrying a gift from God. The classic description of a Godly woman from Proverbs 31 fits her pretty well. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life… She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. I married an amazing women. Right now she happens to be bald…and so very beautiful.