Category: Uncategorized

Humor writer Dave Barry compiled a list of things it took him 50 years to learn. I have selected a handful of Barry’s observations. 

1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
2. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
3. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background,is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
4. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
5. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
6. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

I am also a slow learner. But one thing I have learned in my journey is that every dad leaves a legacy. The only question is whether that legacy will be good, bad, or indifferent. Over the next few days I am going to write about some things I have learned about leaving a legacy that, hopefully, is good.

Being a father is tough because we generally learn how to parent while on the job. From the “I can’t make this stuff up” department I found this attempt by a celebrity couple to “prep” for parenthood. Hilary Swank and her husband Chad Lowe believed they were getting plenty of parental practice before having a child of their own – by looking after a pair of parrots.

The couple, who live in New York City, have faced constant questions throughout their eight-year marriage about when they’ll be ready to start a family. He says, “(Hilary and I) are very eager to have kids, and having parrots is great baby training.

“They need to be fed twice a day, they need love and support, and we teach them their ABCs.”

But I would suggest that the parrots are not a real complete course in parenting. For example…

• Until you have had to walk the floor with a screaming parrot all night long…you still have a lot to learn.
• Until the principal calls you in because your parrot is fighting with the parakeets during recess… you still have a lot to learn.
• Until your parrot spits up on your outfit as you are trying to leave the house… you still have a lot to learn.
• Until your parrots start picking on each other in the back seat of the SUV 30 miles into your 300-mile drive…you still have a lot to learn.
• Until your parrot throws himself on the floor at the supermarket and turns red because you won’t buy Count Chocula cereal…you still have a lot to learn.

Swank and Lowe go on about their parrot training. They repeat everything you say. They love to pick up four-letter words, so you really have to watch it. Luckily, we don’t curse a lot.”

ADD detour…perhaps every church should invest in a parrot for each family. And then they should rotate the parrots every six months. That might kill the gossip virus in the church.

Just took the medication and back on track…Ken Druck and James Simmons in The Secrets Men Keep discuss six major secrets men have. At the top of the list is that “men secretly yearn for their fathers love and approval.” This is often without their conscious knowledge that this yearning manifests itself in the drive that many males have to prove themselves. The authors say:

It may surprise us to know that the most powerful common denominator influencing men’s lives today is the relationship we had with our fathers …. Of the hundreds of men I have surveyed over the years, perhaps 90 percent admitted they still had strings leading back to their fathers. In other words, they are still looking to their fathers, even though their fathers may have been dead for years, for approval, acceptance, affection, and understanding.

This series is not about being a perfect dad. If it were, I would be totally unqualified to write it. This series is not about piling guilt on you for mistakes made. I am not looking for the result like the boy who said to his preacher on the way out, “Boy, that was a good sermon. My dad slumped way down today.” This series is seeing what God’s plan is for leaving a positive legacy as an earthly father.

The first way to leave a good legacy is found in Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (NIV, Ephesians 5:25) The translation in The Message says this.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church–a love marked by giving, not getting.

The number one way to leave a great legacy for your children is very simple:

Love your wife.

If you are already 0 for 1…or 0 for 2…hang with me. God is a God of grace and compassion. We will see how He can work even when the ideal is no longer possible in upcoming posts.

The idea of marriage as an absolute commitment is an endangered species. Actor Brad Pitt has confessed he knew his marriage to Jennifer Aniston would never last. He said in a recent interview that he never expected to be wed forever. He described his high-profile breakup as “beautiful.” Pitt seemed frustrated about the public perception… “It’s talked about like it failed. I guess because it wasn’t flawless.” Now comes Pitt’s wisdom about marriage: “Me, I embrace the messiness of life. I find it so beautiful, actually. The idea that marriage has to be for all time – that I don’t understand.”

Our culture has devalued marriage to the point where people enter relationships on a trial basis with no expectation that it can last. I will guarantee you one thing…that mindset will make it far more likely that it will not last. Had Joni and I shared that value we would be a stat and our children would be from a divided home. Why should followers of Jesus believe that marriage is for all time? A report by Warren Mueller revealed that where both parents attend church regularly, 72% of their children continue in the faith. Where only the father attends, that percentage drops to 55 percent, but where only the mother attends, just 15 percent of the children remain involved in the church.

Theodore M. Hesburgh wrote that the “most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”.

Your children watch how you treat their mother. They WATCH … and they are LEARNING and FORMING their concept of marriage from YOU. You are creating a PATTERN, a BLUEPRINT for marriage with your children. I struggled as a husband because I had not seen that blueprint in my parents’ marriage. My Dad was a good dad but my parents did not have a good marriage. Joni and I had to break the cycle because she also came from a difficult family situation. Because we broke the cycle our kids have seen a marriage that survived, and not only survived but is very happy. But we had to do a lot of learning on the job.

Part of my preparation for this series was a survey of my three sons…I know…it makes you want to hum the music and do that thing with the hands and knees they did at the beginning of the show. I asked my sons three questions and not one of them was “What is your quest”.

What were their favorite memories with me?
What did they learn from me as a dad?
And what do they wish I had done differently?

Yeah…that last question scared me for one major reason. My sons are truthful. But I figured if I had done something really wrong in their eyes I wanted to seek forgiveness now. Plus I would have a written document so if they turned up on Dr. Phil someday I can say I gave them a chance and they didn’t say anything. Seriously, I thought the exercise would make them consider how they could be better father someday…how they could break more cycles.

Our oldest son Matt wrote a little extra in his letter:

And thank you for being committed to Mom.  It is a rarity to have a family that is not broken.  But you gave up bigger things to make sure we stayed together and that has made all the difference. 

If you are still able to control this one move it to the top of your list. The first step to leaving a good legacy as a dad is to love your wife!

 

 

 

Warning: The following post may (or, sadly, may not) contain humor. This blog was produced in a program where irony and satire are processed. May contain sarcasm fragments. If you are allergic to humor or attempts at humor please avoid this product. 

A potentially incendiary topic came up again as I rummaged through the Healthy Living section of the Dallas Morning News. I had ventured onto the thin ice of male and female brain differences in an earlier post. Having survived that article I am demonstrating the lack of male brain development by going there again. My bride and her female co-conspirators often forward e-mails that point out the unique qualities of men. For example…

Question: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Answer: Government bonds will mature.

My only defense is that the grey matter of the average male truly is different. Some of the key findings include that, on average, men’s brains are about 10 percent larger than their female counterparts. Why? Most scientists believe that because the male body is generally larger, their brains have to be bigger to compensate for the extra mass. However, women have just as many brain cells but those cells are packed into a tighter space.

That clears up some of the issues. Women’s brain cells have less room to wander off and do stupid stuff. That is a clear advantage for the feminine mind.

During the aging process, men’s brains tend to shrink faster than women’s.

When the brain shrinks it is obvious that some things need to go. Because I cannot bear to delete the roster of the 1961 Cincinnati Reds baseball team I have to sacrifice other brain data. My brain utility usually deletes all records of things I have said to Joni. I am pretty sure she is making up stuff when she points out that I promised I would do a certain task. But I don’t know because that cache has been cleared and I have no defense. I do, however, retain countless lines from the Bullwinkle cartoon series.

Depending on whose research you’re quoting, men say anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 fewer words a day than women do. This so-called word gap is often associated with smaller frontal and temporal lobes in men, the brain’s center for language. One study showed that women average about 20,000 words per day while men come in at about 7,000.

Even these numbers do not truly represent the disparity in the vocabulary between men and women. Using myself as the lab rat, I calculated that of my 7,000 uttered words nearly 5,000 of them were baseball and football fantasy league words, lyrics to classic rock and roll songs, meaningless words from Monty Python skits, and lines from movies like Airplane and Caddy Shack. Another 1900 plus entries were work related. So I calculate that I enter the verbal fray with my bride armed with about 67 usable words. Again, not my fault. You try and function with a smaller frontal and temporal lobe. Do you think this is easy?

A Cambridge University study in 1-year-olds found that boys preferred watching films of cars (i.e., mechanical systems) and girls preferred films of people’s faces.

It is merely normal brain development for that one–year-old to buy a two seat convertible forty-nine years later. Finally, research that makes sense in the real world.

According to a Harvard study, men’s testosterone levels drop when they’re holding a baby. Even cradling a doll can decrease the amount of the hormone linked with virility.

Other proven ways to lower testosterone levels are shopping with your wife at Pottery Barn or watching Lifetime Channel.

Testosterone is part of the reason our brains work very differently as another recent study revealed. Girls are not exposed to the testosterone surge in utero that shrinks the neurological centers for communication, observation and processing of emotion in boys, so girls are better equipped from birth to develop skills that use those parts of the brain.

See…we can’t help it that the testosterone tsunami shrinks our communication, observation and processing skills. Those guttural grunts are actually quite articulate given the handicaps we must overcome every single day.

Hugging, especially for women, releases neurochemicals that can increase trust in the hugger. After a hug lasting at least 20 seconds, the brain produces oxytocin that turns on the trust response and dulls more critical judgment.

Interesting. Joni, if you are reading this please skip to the next item. Thank you.

I think I learned something important here. When I hug my wife she often gives me the dismissive pat after 10 seconds or so. I thought she was just being a bit impatient. Now I realize that she was  protecting her critical judgment. I will hold the embrace in the future to rev up that trust response and dull her critical judgment. How sad I am just learning this after 31 years.

 

And what is the value of all of this research in real life? It is fun. I think it is helpful to realize and value the general differences in the minds of men and women. But for me the application about how our minds are wired is gender neutral. There are many references to the mind in the New Testament Scriptures.

 

Romans 8:5–7  Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will.  NLT

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  NIV

Ephesians 4:23–24 …to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  NIV

Phillipians 4:7  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  NIV

Colossians 3:2  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  NIV

I Peter 1:13  Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. NIV

And the grand finale comes from the mind of Jesus.

Matthew 22:36–38  Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  NIV

I am fascinated by the difference in the minds of men and women. But I am challenged by the differences in the minds of those who seek the mind of Christ and those who do not. I want my mind to be different. Like Jesus. Men and women may be wired differently at the factory but we share one great common denominator. We are challenged to love our Lord with all of our heart and soul and mind. That little exercise should help bridge the other differences nicely.

Yesterday was spent at the Slow Drip Spa as Joni received her next to last chemo treatment. We have learned so much over the past 16 months. An earlier story called the Cancer Chronicles linked some of the blogs that were written during this difficult journey. One of the more subtle but most important lessons is the subject of today’s humble ramblings.

A country song reminded me again about a critical lesson that we learned just a few months down the long and winding road of treatment. Tracy Lawrence has a hit recording about friendship. The song is titled “You Find Out Who Your Friends Are” and Lawrence notes that some friends step up when there is a need.

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor need a couch need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn’t know
This is where the truth don’t lie

When we heard the news of Joni’s cancer it felt like driving off the side of the road. After the initial numbness wore off we began to give friends and family the news. The initial response was encouraging. But as the days and weeks drag on the lyrics of Lawrence’s song become reality.

You find out who you’re friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas get there fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me’ or ‘it’s way too far’
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who you’re friends are

I think most of us have a preconceived list of who those people will be when we have a personal crisis. That list is often wrong. Joni and I were surprised that some people did not respond as we expected. And some did respond exactly as we thought they would. Other people that we never dreamed would drop everything did just that and showed up consistently with their big old hearts.

I will be honest and admit that Joni and I spent some early time dwelling on some people who did not step up. And then God taught us the critical lesson. The lesson came courtesy of a book that really helped Joni during her most difficult chemotherapy regiment. Praying Through Cancer is a series of devotionals written by cancer patients. One day Joni discovered a brief devotional about this very topic. The writer noted that she had learned to be grateful for the people that God raised up to minister to her. She had learned that God placed her illness on the hearts of some that she would have never expected. She changed her focus from dwelling on those who weren’t there to rejoicing for those that God had chosen to share the journey with her.

Joni discussed that little devotional with me and the light went on for both of us. We started thinking about some unlikely people who had faithfully sent cards, brought food and expressed love and prayers. Then we quit worrying about who wasn’t there for us and started thinking about who was there. And our joy returned.

Choosing to be grateful for the people God had chosen to minister us allowed us to change our attitude toward those who had not stepped up as we had expected. Satan would have us dwell on the disappointment of unmet expectations and totally miss the joy of unexpected blessings from the body of Christ. Maybe our expectations of some folks were unfair. Perhaps they were dealing with their own personal or spiritual valleys that made it impossible for them to be there for us. Perhaps some simply did not know how to respond and then it became more difficult as time went by.

Solomon wrote this in Ecclesiastes.

If one falls down,
       his friend can help him up.
       But pity the man who falls
       and has no one to help him up!

We are grateful that we had friends and fellow travelers in the body of Christ to help us up. The list of helpers that God lifted up looked a little different than we would have predicted. But what a blessing that has turned out to be as we see how He has moved in the hearts of many that we did not expect.

Tracy Lawrence continues with his song…

When the water’s high
When the weather’s not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who’s gonna be there?

Joni and I have learned to be grateful for who is there and forgiving of those who are not. That is one of the most important lessons we have learned on this long journey.

I am not a crier. So it was a bit out of character when the tears started flowing yesterday as I drove through the canyon in downtown Dallas. I blame Lindsay for this event. Lindsay is my bride’s cousin who moved to Texas recently. She already loved country music so that saved us some time to indoctrinate her. We love having her in Big D but she is going to have to stop introducing me to songs that make driving dangerous.

Lindsay told us about a song that we just had to hear. So I downloaded it to the trusty iPod and fired it up as I drove to work yesterday. The song is called Tough and it is performed by Craig Morgan. If you know much about our past year you will quickly see why this song had the Old Yeller/Field of Dreams effect on the eyeballs. The lyrics start innocently enough…

She’s in the kitchen at the crack of dawn
Bacon’s on, coffee’s strong
Kids running wild, taking off their clothes
If she’s a nervous wreck, well it never shows
Takes one to football and one to dance
Hits the Y for aerobics class
Drops by the bank, stops at the store
Has on a smile when I walk through the door
The last to go to bed, she’ll be the first one up
And I thought I was tough

Chorus:

She’s strong, pushes on, can’t slow her down
She can take anything life dishes out
There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough

That made me smile as I remembered the days when Joni juggled three active boys through school, baseball, basketball, and forced Cotillion dance lessons. I was a little too absent as I carved out my career. I finally realized how tough she really was to raise three wonderful sons while her husband traveled around the country and world. I appreciated how tough she was while sacrificing weekends with our friends because sports teams insist on playing on the weekends and sports television was my job. So a mixture of fond memories and some regrets filled my mind when I got ambushed by the next verse.

We sat there five years ago
The doctors let us know the tests showed
She’d have to fight to live, I broke down and cried
She held me and said it’s gonna be alright
She wore that wig to church
Pink ribbon pinned there on her shirt
No room for fear, full of faith
Hands held high, singing Amazing Grace
Never once complained, refusing to give up
And I thought I was tough

I am not ashamed to admit that those words turned on the waterworks. That is my bride and that has been her journey. She has been full of faith from diagnosis day till this moment. No room for fear because she believes that faith in God casts out fear as you rest in His Sovereign hand. I have probably complained more about my knees aching than she has about cancer. And she has refused to give up because she wants to live and serve the Lord. If I thought I was tough that misguided notion fell by the wayside as I watched Joni battle cancer with the courage that a young shepherd boy challenged a Philistine giant. Now we have passed the one year mark, the scans have been clear and the treatments are nearly done.

How can I thank all of you who have prayed so faithfully over the past year? Many of you have prayed so diligently and I don’t even know you. We may never meet this side of eternity. Yet you have cared enough to pray for us throughout this long journey. Amazing. Joni has retired the wig now and is wearing her very own hair to church. Here is a picture from Easter weekend.

Joni’s strength and dignity have humbled me. There was a time before she was mine when I thought I was tough. No more. But there is one other thing I have learned during this difficult year.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Yet it was good of you to share in my (our) troubles.  Phil 4

Thank you. It really was good of you to share in our troubles. And we are so grateful and humbled.

The Update:

On Mother’s Day Joni was asked to throw out the first pitch at the Texas Ranger’s Major League Baseball game.

Joni with the Ranger’s Mascot and dear friend and Six Time Gold Glove winning catcher Jim Sundberg (Jim is the one with the smaller nose)

That day is designated as Breast Cancer Awareness Day by MLB. Joni threw out the first pitch as a survivor! What an amazing moment for us and especially for her. She has been a warrior and I am so proud of her. Fifty family and friends showed up to cheer her on. She made it to the plate on one bounce.

Joni displays fine form for her first pitch

Notice that her uniform number is 1 N 8. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer during their lifetime. Joni’s message to any woman reading this is to get regular testing and to be persistant if you believe something is wrong. With early detection the five year survival rate is 96%! Please, please, please get your mammograms and yearly exams. But you should also know a wonderful promise if your diagnosis happens to not be positive. Many people have said that they could not have done what Joni and I have done in the past 15 months. We would have said the same thing before our cancer journey began. Here is what we know for sure. God meets you at the moment of need and provides the grace and strength you need for each moment. You can’t bank it in advance. It is moment by moment as you depend on Him. You can do it. We did.

Shannon Spaulding studied and worked for twelve years to reach the top of her class at Jacksonville’s Samuel W. Wolfson High School. For achieving that academic achievement the Florida teen addressed her fellow graduates at the recent commencement ceremonies. I doubt that she suspected that her twenty minute address would fuel a national debate.

First, some background on the story. This report is from writer Doug Hunington of christianpost.com.

A high school valedictorian in Jacksonville, Fla., recently created a stir among attendants at her graduation when she shared about her faith in God and Jesus Christ throughout most of her 20-minute speech.

Shannon Spaulding received mixed reactions for the advice she offered fellow graduates of Samuel W. Wolfson High School during her commencement speech last Friday evening, which included accepting Christ into their lives.

While many expressed how her message was inappropriate for the setting, a majority of the audience seemed to agree with her message, applauding loudly throughout the speech.

“The best thing I can offer you tonight, my former classmates and fellow graduates, is to tell you how you can plan and know for sure that you will end up safe and victorious at the end of your earthly life,” explained Spaulding to the crowd at Veterans Memorial Arena, where the graduation ceremony was held. “I want to tell you that Jesus Christ can give you eternal life in Heaven.”

The student’s commencement message contained an exhortation to all to take Christ into their lives. The speech mixed in a number of scriptures, most which were followed by applause.

I debated whether I should link some sites that took great offense to Shannon’s sentiments. I was amazed, appalled, and depressed by the vitriolic level of some of the comments. This is an eighteen year old girl who shared what was important to her. Choose to disagree with her if you wish. Debate the appropriateness of the message in that venue if you disagree. But why must so many resort to ugly personal attacks and name calling? It left me shaken to read some of the responses. There are some angry people out there. I beg any followers of Jesus who read these remarks to speak the truth but only with grace and love. Please do not sink to that level of discourse.

A member of the school board in Jacksonville called Spaulding dishonorable and stated that she deceived the school principal about the content. The principal did not agree with that accusation and wondered where the school board representative got that information. I cannot imagine being a valedictorian (I really can’t imagine that), sharing my heart one day, and then being called dishonorable by a school board official the next day. That is an immediate and sobering post-graduation education about life.

I have read the speech. I can understand why her comments made some people uncomfortable. Shannon pulled no punches about her beliefs. Most of the bloggers who were mortally offended focused only on her brief comment about eternal judgement and hell. Headlines like “Valedictorian says you’re all going to hell” were common leads. And she did not gloss over the Christian belief of judgement. But out of nearly twenty minutes they chose to ignore the intent of her heart, whether you agree with her message or not. This comment summarized her heart.

“As I stand here before you tonight, it’s with the sincerest heart and purest of intentions that I tell you that Jesus Christ, creator of the universe, that to each one of you, (He) loves you too.”

That is the spirit that is missing from the ugly comments and barbs. If Shannon Spaulding had come to me for advice I would have told her to frame her address a bit differently. I would have suggested that she talk about the principles that guided her and the values that made her successful. Then I would have suggested that she spend a couple of minutes sharing that Jesus Christ is the foundation for her life and that He makes those values and principles work. I believe she had earned the right to express her beliefs. And yes, had the valedictorian been of another faith I would say the same thing.

Spaulding ended her talk by encouraging her fellow classmates in their futures.

“If your soul becomes weary, take comfort in Matt 11:28 which says, ‘Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest,’” she stated as her presentation drew near its end. “And if your steps become uncertain, search out the truth, for John 8:32 says, ‘And he shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.’”

Most of us are searching for the truth. I agree with Shannon Spaulding that Jesus Christ loves me, you, school board administrators who cover their rears, and bloggers who ridicule that very idea. Attacking eighteen year old students does not further the debate. Paul advised a young man named Timothy about how to conduct himself in confrontations.

…don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.  2 Tim 2  NLT

As followers of Christ we are called to a higher standard. We must not forget that as we represent Jesus today.

 

A song by Brandon Heath resonated with me recently. The song is called “I’m Not Who I Was” and that should describe any person who has decided to follow Jesus Christ. It certainly describes me. I am not who I was forty years ago or twenty years ago or even one year ago. This journey with Jesus cannot be status quo. You are either going forward or backward. Most of us have done both at various times during the journey. I have made a lot of mistakes over the thirty-eight years of my fumbling, bumbling, stumbling walk with Jesus. So the lyrics by Brandon Heath echo my own experience.

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I’m not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I’m not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

Heath’s song illustrates Paul’s familiar text about becoming a new creature in Jesus Christ. Those verses takes on a fresh new perspective in this translation from The Message.

Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.  I Cor 5

That we are a new person in Christ is theologically one-hundred per cent accurate. We do get a fresh start and the slate is clean before God.  But we have a hard time accepting that amazing grace. We have a particularly hard time applying that to our lives and to others. We tend to look at snapshots of a person’s life and form judgments based on those few images. But the progress of Christ in a person’s life is revealed in the total album of their journey. You could have taken some snapshots of my life during spiritual deserts that would have led you to believe that I was not a very good Christian and maybe not a believer at all. I am grateful that God does not give up on His children who wander. This journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Paul often used athletic metaphors as he challenged the church at Galatia to shun false teaching and continue the race.

You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom.

Understanding that we are a new man or woman is vital to freedom in Christ. Giving others the grace to become new creatures is vital to how we unify in the body of Christ. We also need to be ready to wipe the slate clean and not get historical when they backslide. And yes, I mean historical.

“That is just what you used to do, I knew you hadn’t changed!”

That is what I mean by getting “historical”. We are quick to remember how others used to be and not  quick to believe what they may become. Maybe they have changed and that bad moment was just a temporary spiritual pothole on the journey’s road.

Samuel Johnson wrote that “God does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I?” That is a great question. But we too often do exactly that. We expect grace but don’t grant it. Too often we dwell on the weakness and not the gifts that God has given others. Or we acknowledge the gifts but make sure to note the weaknesses. All of us are a mix of gifts and flaws. And over the years God patiently knocks off the rough edges as He molds us more and more in His image.

I recently wrote about another song that talks about the grace that changes people. Check out the video for a song by country singers Montgomery Gentry. The song is called “Some People Change” and the images are not safe and politically correct. The video is set at an old fashioned tent revival in the middle of a cornfield. Montgomery Gentry sing about a young man brought up in racism who is changed by faith in Jesus.

His old man was a rebel yeller:
Bad boy to the bone.
He’d say: “Can’t trust that other fella,”
He’d judge ’em by the tone of their skin.
He was raised to think like his Dad:
Narrow mind full of hate.
On the road to no-where fast,
Till the Grace of God got in the way.
Then he saw the Light an’ hit his knees an’ cried an’ said a prayer:
Rose up a brand new man; left the old one right there.

What a powerful lyric. The grace of God got in the way. That is what happened to me. I was living a life far apart from God and headed nowhere fast when the grace of God got in the way. And thank God for that interruption in my directionless path. The next stanza talks about a Mom raised in an alcoholic family who finds the strength to throw the bottle down. In the midst of the difficult stretch Joni and I have been riding I have seen the grace of God getting in the way over and over. I recently sat with a dear friend that quit drinking after coming into a relationship with Jesus. A marriage restored with another couple. A young man leaving drugs to go into full time Christian ministry to help others battling those same demons. Another work friend who life has been turned around by faith. Some people change when the grace of God gets in the way and we stay out of the way!

The chorus goes like this…

Here’s to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don’t give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.

Thank God for those who make it:
Let them be the Light.

Some people change. The question I have to answer is do I give them the grace to allow that change? God accepted me when I was unacceptable. Lord help me to have the grace to accept others even when they seem unacceptable. We have a hard time with that, don’t we? We keep score and are quick to point out failure to justify our lack of acceptance. Paul addressed such behavior to the Ephesians.

But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.  Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,  throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil….

And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.  Eph 4  NLT

And yes, I know that I may get burned by that approach. But if I am to err I pray that I will err on the side of grace. Don’t give up hope. Some people change. And we need to give them the grace to believe that maybe, just maybe, they are not who they used to be.

 

So far our married children have not blessed us with grandchildren. So Joni and I enjoy our grand-dogs and practice varying amounts of patience as we await grand-parenthood. However, my beautiful nieces and not quite as beautiful nephew have produced some awesome grandnieces and grandnephews. I am proud of every single one of them.

A recent story from my niece Diana made me both thankful and thoughtful. She experienced a “teachable moment” with her youngest son Caleb. This is the Encarta website definition of a teachable moment.

A moment of educational opportunity: a time at which a person, especially a child, is likely to be particularly disposed to learn something or particularly responsive to being taught or made aware of something.

In this story both Mom and Son learned something about grace. Diana picks up the story.

Caleb was supposed to be in our backyard playing. That was the deal we had made. When I looked out he was not there. By the time I got to the front door, he was there holding his eye and screaming that he could not see. After a quick look, I decided we would be off to the emergency room. 

In the car I asked Caleb what had happened. He reluctantly shared that he had ventured down to the neighbor’s yard to play croquet. I was pleased that he told the truth because we both already knew he had broken the rules.  I was upset with Caleb for not obeying and that was obvious to him as we rushed down the highway to the hospital. 

In the ER Caleb sat quietly for a long time. Finally he asked me if his eye was going to be okay.  I did not know the answer to his question and I did not want to say something that could be untrue.  I  could only tell him that I didn’t know and that we would see what the doctor had to say.

Caleb was quiet again for what seemed like a very long time. Finally he reached over from his ER bed and grabbed my hand. “Mom, I know you are upset with me, but will you pray for my eye anyway?” 

What an amazing lesson for Diana and for all of us. Caleb knew that his actions were wrong. The consequences of those actions had placed him in the hospital. But instead of getting mad and blaming someone else for his injury Caleb wanted to take his pain and his wrong actions to the throne of grace. I thought of Jesus and how He often challenged us with the simple faith of children. This story in Matthew is one example.

About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”  Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Caleb had modeled that humility as he appealed for grace from Jesus…and from his Mom. He got both.

Diana finished the story.

I sat down on the side of his bed and together we prayed for his eye.  I assured him that Mom would always pray for him no matter what the circumstance and that I could NEVER be that upset with him.  Shortly after, the Doctor came in and said Caleb was a lucky little boy, and that it appeared his eye would be fine.  Caleb looked over at me and smiled.  How could I remain even remotely upset with him now?

That is grace. A little boy disobeyed and cost his parents a little money and a few grey hairs. But he was forgiven because he is loved. Caleb learned that grace is always available when he makes a mistake because of that love. Diana learned that the humble faith of a child brought perspective on what really matters.

Satan doesn’t want us to think about God’s grace when we sin. Satan wants us to think that God is too upset with us to love us if we wander away and break the rules. Recently I wrote about a personal failing in my own life. I was busy beating myself up but then I had a “Caleb’ moment and I remembered again what grace means to me. Yes, I had failed miserably. Yes, I was disappointed in myself. Yes, I was a little embarrassed that I have written and spoken so boldly and flopped so easily. But here is what poured over my soul from the Holy Spirit.

You are my child.
I love you.

Grace always takes me by surprise. I am not conditioned by this world to expect love and acceptance when I have failed. I am conditioned to expect condemnation, shame, and rejection. But there was the Father God patiently and lovingly dealing with me. 

Like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son, God is waiting to race to greet us when we turn away from self  and toward Him. There is no cleanup required. A heart of repentance is all that He asks. That is the same God that gently instructed this mother and child during a teachable moment. His grace is sufficient…and always amazing.