When I was a little boy I remember the standard prayer at bedtime. I know it was meant to comfort but one line always freaked me out.
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake,
Wait? What? If I should die before I wake? I think I will just stay awake for awhile thank you very much.
Six decades later that prayer makes a lot more sense. If I should die before I wake I believe I will be in the presence of Jesus. I am not anxious to leave this life but I am not afraid.
I have many loved ones who have gone home to heaven. I wondered what message I would like to communicate as my final word? I have been blessed with some wonderful friends and colleagues who would likely say some nice things about me along with some funny and embarrassing stories. I would like all of them to understand a very important truth. I learned some great lessons from my Dad and others as I was growing up. But I can tell you with complete assurance that my life would have gone off the rails without my relationship with Jesus. His love both restrained and sustained me. I believe my insecure and selfish heart would have taken me down a different path without my faith. Any quality that you find positive in my life has been given or enhanced through my relationship with Jesus. Anytime I have disappointed or did not show love it was because I took my eyes off of Him.
Paul writes these words in Philippians.
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4, NLT)
I would like to paraphrase Paul’s words for my final message.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. I hope you saw in my life some things that were true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Whatever you might have received from me grew out of the sustaining love, grace, and peace of God.”
I know my heart. I know the crossroads I came to in different seasons of my life and how God gracefully and lovingly rescued me over and over. So my final message to my believing friends would be one of encouragement and hope.
Trust God and trust who He says you are because of the finished work of Jesus. Believe you are forgiven of all sins past, present, and future. Wholly accept that you are a brand new creation and live in grateful freedom. Drink in the inexhaustible grace of God every day. Allow God to love you as His beloved and then pay that love forward for His glory. Look through the lens of grace and you will find sacred moments in every single day. Recognize that everything about your walk with Jesus is a gift of grace. It is all about the finished work of Jesus on the Cross. At the moment you believe that Jesus is the way to salvation you are gifted with everything you need to live for Him.
Forgiveness. Security. The Spirit of God dwelling in your heart. A new identity. The hope of eternity with Jesus. Grace and love that is completely unrelated to your performance.
Those gifts make me want to serve God out of gratitude and not out of begrudging compliance to avoid judgment.
For my friends who don’t share my faith I would ask one favor. Don’t focus on Christians who fail. Focus on Christ who succeeded.
Jesus conquered death. He paid for your sins. I would ask you to examine the impact of Jesus on His culture. It was the message of Christ that gave value to women, children, the poor, and the ignored. When you study His words and life you will see that many of His followers have fallen short, including me. Jesus also taught that some would claim to be His followers who were not in any way known to Him. Those counterfeiters get lumped in with true followers.
So my final request would come out of deep love for you. Examine the claims of Jesus with an open heart and mind. Don’t reject Christ because of Christians. That is an easy thing to do. Read the Gospel of John and ask for the Spirit to reveal truth to you. If you choose to reject the claims of Jesus I would sadly accept that decision. If I am wrong about my eternal destiny I would still have no regrets about the way the teachings of Jesus influenced my life. I would do it all over again.
I can’t force you to follow Jesus. I hope I have been a small influence for you to thoughtfully and honestly examine the life and claims of Jesus. Following Jesus changed everything in my journey. I would not be a good and loving family member or friend if I did not share that with you.
For years I would look into the mirror and wonder where I was on my faith journey. Was I going to Heaven? Was I a good, bad, or indifferent Christian? Was I loved by God? Was I significant? The question of where I was as a follower of Christ and who I was as a person consumed and confused me.
The always present Enemy answered the questions above on a regular basis. Probably not going to Heaven. Definitely a bad Christian. Not really being obedient to God or bad things wouldn’t happen to you. Totally insignificant.
For too many years I believed the accusations, without considering the question that Philip Yancey asks.
“Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: you become what the most important person in your life (wife, father, boss, etc.) thinks you are. How would my life change if I truly believed the Bible’s astounding words about God’s love for me, if I looked in the mirror and saw what God sees?”
I am learning to look into the mirror and see someone that I accept by faith and not by my feelings. I see a saint. That’s right. Many (maybe most) of Satan’s accusations are at least partially true. But what I now see is a man who is a saint. I found forty references to saints in Paul’s writings in the English Standard Version. From his additional descriptions, I am pretty sure that the recipients of his letters were not always behaving like saints. They were saints because of Christ, and not by meticulously following the law.
God sees those who trust Jesus as righteous, no matter how many accusations are thrown at them. Amazing.
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.
(Ephesians 1:3-5, NLT)
That is my (and your) identity as a follower of Jesus. Holy and without fault in His eyes. I will be accused again, probably sooner than later. But I am learning to simply say this to myself: “That is not who I am anymore. I am holy because of Christ.”
When I forget that truth, I allow doubt, confusion, shame, and sadness to creep in. Not leaning on the finished work of Jesus as my strength and identity sets me up for a frustrating masquerade of faith.
There may be no element more important to living fully in the moment with God than accepting that I am loved by Him right now just as I am. That is so counterintuitive to how “love” so often works in my experience. I have talked with too many men who justify their extramarital relationships by saying they deserve more than their current marriage provides. It always hurts my heart because those they hurt deeply do not deserve to be wounded by betrayal. I try to never forget what I said on that July day more than forty-five years ago to my bride. I made vows to Joni Lynn Banks before God. I did not sign a contract with escape clauses based on my happiness at any given point in time.
The world speaks a different love language. “I will love you while you are attractive.” “I will love you when you make me happy.” “I will love you when you do what I ask you to do.” Human love almost always includes conditional elements. That is not God’s love.
The Lord your God is in your midst; he is a warrior who can deliver. He takes great delight in you; he renews you by his love; he shouts for joy over you. (Zephaniah 3:17, NET)
The attributes of God’s love are mind boggling. It is personal. You and I can relate to God the Creator of the universe as our Father. Think about that. I mean really think about that. I am conditioned to believe that if something seems too good to be true, then I am being deceived. That is what Satan would have me believe. But the stunning radicality of grace is that what seems to be too good to be true is more true than I can imagine.
So where am I today? No matter what my physical location might be I have both feet firmly planted on the foundation of my identity in Christ. I am putting my full weight on His Grace. No matter where I am that is who I am! And it is a really peaceful place to be after all these years.
To celebrate the 9th anniversary of the publication of Stay here is a chapter on a lesson learned from Maggie.
Maggie is a Labrador puppy mixed with some other mystery DNA. She is a bouncing, wiggling, sixty-pound bundle of unrestrained energy. Whenever she sees a new person, she cannot stop herself from jumping. Oddly enough, some people do not enjoy sixty-pound creatures hurdling pell-mell into their personal space. Weird. So we either need to fix this bad behavior or become hermits.
Today we enrolled Maggie in puppy training classes. One of the first things the instructor, Tony, said was both apparent and profound.
“First of all, you have to teach her to sit and stay. When she is sitting, she can’t jump and misbehave.”
Thank you, Captain Obvious.Wait a minute. Is this another lesson for me in my discipleship-by-dog journey? Maggie needed to learn to sit to avoid committing doggie offenses. I need to sit too, in a spiritual sense. The truth is, when I abide(the biblical version of “sitting”) in Christ, I am empowered to resist sin.
But how can I abide? What does that even mean?
The first time I heard the word abide used was in a lesson taken from the Gospel of John in the King James Version, the Bible I read growing up.
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
John 15:4-5, kjv
I knoweth not about thee, but verily I was confused. When I looked up the definition of abide later, it helped clarify what it meant. Abide: 1) to accept something or someone unpleasant; 2) living somewhere; 3) to remain or continue. That was it—to remain or continue—or in Maggie’s terms, “to stay.” Other Bible translations have captured that nuance of abiding or “staying” in Jesus.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:4-5
Jesus’ message to His followers is to simply remain constantly aware of who we are and where our strength and dependence must be found. It’s tempting and easy to make it all about us instead of Jesus; Satan will always seek to engage us in bad and/or good things if either one takes our eyes off Jesus. If I am wholly absorbed in spiritual things apart from Christ, things I do more to impress others and hope those wonderful deeds will ensure my salvation, I am engaging in good, but not life-changing endeavors.
We are branches that need to be connected to the Vine. We are not to be independent vines but dependent branches of the life-giving Vine.
I think that we misunderstand the phrase “apart from me you can do nothing.” Of course I can do something and often even significant things apart from Jesus. I can have success, make money, and maybe achieve fame. But there is one significant thing that we absolutely cannot do apart from Christ: produce fruit that pleases God. The branch cannot produce fruit when it is disconnected from the vine.
Jesus is the true Vine, and if I am joined to Him I will produce fruit. He doesn’t say I might produce fruit. He doesn’t say I could produce fruit if the circumstances are right. Or that I will occasionally bear fruit. Jesus says that if I remain in Him I will produce much fruit. If I don’t remain in Him, I become barren and worthless to Him and His Kingdom.
How do we produce the fruit that Jesus is describing? By not allowing our relationship with Christ to be broken, for us—the branches—not to be severed from the Vine. Our connection to Jesus is not a one-time or yearly or monthly or weekly or daily synchronization. It is not like the intermittent syncs I perform with phone to update information. It is a continuous awareness of our connection to Christ. That connection allows the fruit of the Spirit to grow abundantly in us and become a part of who we are. The apostle Paul describes exactly what kind of fruit that is.
The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23
By remaining in an unbroken connection with Christ, we begin to take on His character and produce that kind of fruit. But it can only happen if we “stay” constantly in that relationship.
It didn’t take long for Maggie’s dog trainer to pinpoint another clue to her behavior. “Maggie is not being belligerent. She has learned to fend for herself. Maggie views you as a caretaker and not a leader. She needs to see you as the leader that she can follow.”
It made perfect sense. Maggie accepted our gifts of food and a comfortable bed but, in her mind, she was still in charge. Joni and I wrongly assumed that Maggie was being manipulative when all she was really communicating was, “Somebody needs to be in charge, and since you’re not stepping up as a leader, I guess it’s my job.” Over the weeks, when we consistently took on the role of leader and loved her, she willingly submitted.
That lesson has hit a little too close to home for me. I have accepted with varying degrees of gratitude God’s gifts of forgiveness, grace, and salvation. But too often I’m guilty of wanting to fend for myself and be the leader. “Thank You, Lord, for everything, but I prefer to be in charge.”
The gospel says I need to get over me and get with Him. I need to constantly remind myself of the radical and reckless joyride that the gospel of grace makes possible. Author Dane Ortlund says it well.
It’s time to enjoy grace anew—not the decaffeinated grace that pats us on the hand, ignores our deepest rebellions and doesn’t change us, but the high-octane grace that takes our conscience by the scruff of the neck and breathes new life into us with a pardon so scandalous that we cannot help but be changed. It’s time to blow aside the hazy cloud of condemnation that hangs over us throughout the day with the strong wind of gospel grace. You “are not under law but under grace” (Rom. 6:14). Jesus is real; grace is defiant; life is short; risk is good. For many of us the time has come to abandon once and for all our play-it-safe, toe-dabbling Christianity and dive in. It’s time, as [Robert Farrar] Capon put it, to get drunk on grace—200-proof, defiant grace.
In chapter 8, I talked about the importance of shaking off the sin that slows us down and trips us up. Even though it sounds like a daunting and even impossible task, the author of Hebrews sums up how to do that in one powerful sentence: “We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith” (12:2).
That is it. There is no other way to consistently live that life apart from keeping our eyes on Jesus. It was a principle that the apostle Peter illustrated clearly for us in this familiar story.
The boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. “A ghost!” they said, crying out in terror.
But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”
I love how the impetuous faith of Peter (and me) is captured in the next verses.
Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”
He said, “Come ahead.”
Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus.
It was going great for the “suddenly bold” Peter when he kept his eyes on Jesus and walked in faith. And then . . .
But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”
Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”
Matthew 14:24-31, The Message
The same is true for me. When I keep my eyes on Jesus, I have the strength to be bold and the ability to produce fruit that is pleasing to God. When Maggie cannot settle down, I tell her to sit so she can focus on calming down and doing the right thing. When she stays and regroups, things go well for her. When my thought life and actions cannot settle down, I need the Holy Spirit to firmly but lovingly tell me to sit . . . stay . . . abide.
Only then do I realize that I have turned my eyes away from Jesus. When I stay, I can focus on His peace, love, forgiveness, and grace, and have the ability to resist sin.
If I am anxious, fearful, have doubts, or am sad, I need to sit, stay, and abide, looking at the One who initiates and perfects my faith.
The apostle Paul spent a little over two years teaching and discipling the new believers in Ephesus before he continued on his missionary journey. It didn’t take long for the once-zealous converts to revert to their old habits of immorality, lying, stealing, and gossiping. In other words, things were a mess in the Ephesian church. Paul, who had witnessed the believers’ initial spiritual fervor, got wind of what had happened and wrote a letter to the church’s leaders to address this sad turn of events.
His letter is nothing like the one I would have zipped off to Ephesus if I had been in Paul’s sandals. My letter would have started, “What is wrong with you people? Don’t you know how embarrassing this is, especially since I sacrificed so much for you?” But Paul doesn’t do that; in fact, he never mentioned how badly they had botched things until halfway through the letter. Rather, he begins by reminding these errant followers who they are, praying these heartfelt words for them.
Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.
I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 1:15-20
You get through storms and trials by remembering who you are. Paul wonderfully reminded the Ephesians that they had been adopted, redeemed, and sealed. And then he prayed for them again.
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21
I would imagine the church leaders opened Paul’s letter with fear, trembling, and shame. They expected to be excoriated but they were lavished with grace instead. They had failed, but Paul reminded them of the Person who had not failed. Only after first affirming His love did Paul begin to address their sin.
What a difference between that approach and what too many of us experience. We tend to address the sin first. Stop that! Quit! Do better! And by the way, Jesus loves you. Or worse, He will love you when you do better. Paul took the grace exit instead. Remember who you are! You are saints! Beloved! Adopted! Redeemed! Those same truths are ours to claim as we
Sit.
Stay.
Abide.
Eyes on Jesus.
When we quit fighting to get better and do those four simple things, something amazing happens. We get better.
Following Jesus is far from effortless; it requires work. But I would suggest that our real assignment is to focus on Him and recognize how much that impacts our lives. To get our eyes off ourselves truly is hard work, a sacrifice.
My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20, emphasis added
When I forget those truths and I am tempted to sin, I will simply remember what I tell Maggie when she is out of line. When she is jumping up and playfully lunging at us, I have to speak truth into her life. She is a big girl who needs to learn what her boundaries are. She needs to settle down or a playful moment will turn into a time-out. So I calmly but firmly speak to her.
Sit.
Stay.
Maggie is learning that she is rewarded when she sits and stays. She will get to play, have treats, or receive the affection that she was hoping to receive.
She is teaching this old dog that I need continual refresher courses too.
My canine companion Maggie and I try to do a couple of walks per day. We have individual goals. She likes to sniff and I like to pray.
On a recent walk it occurred to me how often I thank God for one particular response to me.
Patience.
For over four decades I have been responding to God’s grace and love in very inconsistent patterns. Sometimes I am grateful and serving. Sometimes I am selfish and frustrated. Yet His love for me never changes one bit.
I sometimes imagine comparing my faith journey to being a new employee beginning an amazing and undeserved job. On the day I am hired and sign the contract I am excited and committed. I keep that excitement going for a while until I begin to encounter circumstances that discourage me. Instead of going to the boss or seeking solutions I begin to doubt the company and boss. My effort and trust fade rapidly. If I am challenged to renew my commitment the chances are I would. But what if the same pattern developed over and over? Even the most compassionate earthly boss would eventually let me go and it would be deserved.
Compare that to the patience of my Heavenly Father. I think of the gifts of forgiveness, love, and grace that God has given me for decades. My “job” is to simply trust Him. Yet I have failed to do that over and over and over and over and…well…you get the point. Yet God never leaves me. His patience is as overwhelming as His grace and love. How can He be so patient with me?
In Galatians 5:22-23 we see the familiar gifts of the Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Love, joy, and peace are the first three mentioned but if I may use a baseball example the vital clean-up spot in the lineup is patience. When you live out of God’s love you experience joy and peace that is not achievable in any other process.
Combining those three fruits of the Spirit gives you the patience to trust God in His timing. It gives me the confidence to follow His plan. That goes against much of our cultural upbringing but I am learning how freeing and peaceful it is to trust God to determine my timetable.
Peter gave us great insight into why God seems to move slower than we might sometimes desire.
But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:8–9)
I long for the day that the Lord returns. But God is not procrastinating in fulfilling his promise. He wants to give everyone a chance to come to repentance. That realization allows me to trust His timing and look forward to that day.
Keith wrote the song after a conversation with Eastwood while they were playing golf. Clint was about to celebrate his 88th birthday by going to film a new movie. Toby Keith was blown away and asked him “how do you do it, man?” Eastwood answered, “I just get up every morning and go out. And I don’t let the old man in.”
That stuck in Toby Keith’s mind and he penned the song that was featured in the movie “The Mule”. The lyrics are inspiring for me in this season of life.
Don’t let the old man in I wanna leave this alone Can’t leave it up to him He’s knocking on my door
And I knew all of my life That someday it would end Get up and go outside Don’t let the old man in
I love that. As the mileage piles up on the life odometer the aches and pains make it easy to slow down and quit pushing yourself. Challenging yourself to get out and live life as fully as you can for as long as you can is enormously fulfilling.
Many moons I have lived My body’s weathered and worn Ask yourself how would you be If you didn’t know the day you were born
I have a few moons to catch up to Clint Eastwood but I need to follow his example. I am still young at heart and my goal is to live out of that feeling for as long as I can. Don’t let the old man in to convince me my time to live life joyfully and fully is diminished. Eventually that will happen. But I want to leave it all on the life playing field until I no longer can.
There is another area of life that I must concentrate on not letting the old man in. This is actually way more valuable in how I live my life than simply trying to age well. In the Bible Paul talks about how all of us are born with the “old man” or sin nature of Adam. When we decide to follow Jesus we become a new creation and a “new man” now resides in me. Simply put the old man is who I was before I knew Jesus. The new man is who I am now that I am a follower of Christ.
Paul talks about the finished work of Jesus on the Cross that gives the new man in me the power to change my frustrating responses when the old man ruled my life. Jesus conquered the old man and gave me a new man within.
”We know that our old man was crucified with him so that the body of sin would no longer dominate us, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. (Romans 6:6, NET)
The old man was crucified. That means the old man is dead. I am a new creation and that new man living in my heart gives me the power to live more like Jesus as I recognize that is who I am. Will I live a sinless life? No way. But as I grow in this truth sin should no longer control me. I have the power within me to deal with sin in a way that will encourage spiritual growth in Christ. Recognizing that the new man lives and the old man is dead in God’s eyes is a powerful reminder of where my strength is derived.
“But now, put off all such things as anger, rage, malice, slander, abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another since you have put off the old man with its practices and have been clothed with the new man that is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of the one who created it.“ (Colossians 3:8-10, NET)
So the song by Toby Keith takes on a wonderful new spiritual meaning. I don’t want the “old man” to dominate me in my journey with Jesus. When I battle the fleshly responses that create shame and guilt I need to remember that the old man is dead. I have the ability to set aside those old man impulses. I have the new man living in me through the Holy Spirit and that gives me the freedom to respond differently. The new man lives in my heart and I need to focus daily on that truth. When I struggle with those impulses I can remember the powerful words of this song. Don’t let the old man in.
I heard the news today that county music singer Toby Keith succumbed to stomach cancer at the too young age of 62. Toby Keith was a talented and imperfect man that had a huge heart for helping others. That is just about the best resume any of us could hope for. I wrote a blog about the things the church could learn from his song, “I Love This Bar”.
But my favorite song from Toby Keith was written when his dear friend Wayman Tisdale passed away in May of 2009. Tisdale was one of the all-time great basketball players at Oklahoma University and had a distinguished NBA career. But his first loves were Jesus and music so he retired to pursue those. Toby Keith and Wayman became best friends along the way.
“Having a successful career, you meet a thousand celebrities and most of them don’t come as advertised. They kind of break your heart a lot,” Keith said. “Wayman didn’t know he was celebrity. He was one of the most special individuals that I ever met in my life. He changed the way that I view life.”
So play it sweet in heaven Cause that’s right where you want to be I’m not cryin’ cause I feel so sorry for you I am cryin’ for me
If we truly believe (and I do) that followers of Jesus are welcomed to heaven then the reality is we are crying for ourselves. We miss the person who has left us but we realize they are in a better place. Toby Keith recognized the impact of Wayman Tisdale went far beyond a great basketball and musical career.
You showed me how I am supposed to live Now you showed me how to die
When Wayman Tisdale was welcomed to heaven that was why he was no doubt greeted with the cherished words “well done, good and faithful servant”. His basketball and musical skills were amazing but his eternal impact was defined in the song lyrics above.
The first thing I thought of this morning was the heavenly reunion of Toby Keith and Wayman Tisdale.
So play your upsidedown, left handed Backward bass guitar I’ll see you on the other side superstar
That just happened. Two incredible talents who realized music or sports was not their identity. Their identity and hope was in Jesus and the realization that we are temporary citizens on this earth.
But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, (Philippians 3:20, ESV)
I have so many friends and family I look forward to seeing again someday. What an amazing hope that is to get us through the sorrow of earthly loss. “See you later” is the greatest comfort I can imagine.
When I became elder chairman at Waterbrook Bible Fellowship I had to learn Roberts Rules of Order. Not exactly my fastball but having that protocol in place helped the meetings proceed in an orderly fashion.
Recently I have been pondering publishing the “Grace Rules of Order”. Seems a little odd because grace doesn’t depend on legalistically following rules and law but please hear me out. I made a conscious decision a few years ago to focus on communicating the message of grace and identity in Christ. With that I decided to avoid the polarizing path of politics. Some have told me that is cowardly but I can honestly say there is no message more important to me than the liberating freedom of grace. I want to share the joy of living out of what Jesus has already accomplished and what God says is true about me.
I feel called to be a messenger of hope and grace. Plus I feel like the negative team has a pretty full roster of contributors. But how does grace enter into the conversation when we have sincere disagreements over cultural and political issues? It is fascinating how two people can look at the same information and reach completely opposite conclusions. So I am going to offer the “Grace Rules of Order” as a roadmap for civil discussion and shining the love of Jesus for others.
Sincere followers of Jesus can look at cultural or political issues and have very different opinions. Jesus loves His children on both sides of the argument.
I know I have changed my views on some cultural issues over my years of walking with Jesus. I was a child in the era when divorce was a mortal sin. I absolutely am committed to the idea of a husband and wife taking their vows seriously. But I learned that the cultural shame of divorce caused many Christian women to feel trapped in relationships of abuse. Clearly that was not the desire of a loving Heavenly Father who ordained marriage. In those sad situations it is necessary to divorce an abusive spouse. In the pulpits of my youth the message was no divorce outside of adultery was ever justified. I had a blind spot about how a declaration that appeared Biblical could foster abuse. So many issues we discuss have similar and complex nuances. We need to discuss, not demonize.
The goal of a discussion should not be to win.
Thoughtful discussion is impossible when one of the participants only cares about winning the debate. The goal of any conversation should be graceful exchange of ideas without rude interruptions, condescending gestures, or angry exchanges. I would rather have a goal of being winsome instead of winning. That attitude fosters conversation.
People of different viewpoints should commit to listen. Nothing shows respect more than carefully listening to the arguments of those with whom you disagree and then gently offering thoughtful responses.
Listen to talking heads on television news shows as they “discuss” different points of view. As soon as one side starts talking the other shakes their head, smirks, and then interrupts and talks over the other person. How is that going to persuade anyone? Yet we tend to do the same thing when we have significant disagreements with people. Listen. Really listen. Let them finish their point. Then respond in grace.
Ask questions.
You will not influence another person by arguing. The way to connect is to ask questions and try to understand why they feel the way they do. I have found that many times people I talk with don’t have a solid reason for their feelings. That can be a opening to honestly discuss difficult topics.
Pop the bubble around you.
Find out what the other person is reading and watching. Expose yourself to different points of view and encourage those you have disagreements with to do the same. If you are confident in your beliefs there should be no fear in being exposed to differing viewpoints.
All of us are a work in process.
Every child of God is in process. I am a very different Christian than I was 20, 10, or even 5 years ago. I am growing (hopefully) in grace and truth. I strongly believed and said things years ago that I am grieved about today. Thankfully God was patiently working with my heart and gently shining the light of the Holy Spirit on my blind spots. I need to give that grace to others.
Pray for wisdom and grace then leave the results to God.
So what is the goal when you have sincere disagreements with another believer over cultural issues? Use the “Grace Rules of Order” and relax. God may be using you to plant seeds in the heart of the other person. Maybe you have a blind spot that needs the refining work of the Holy Spirit. Share your heart with love and kindness and be open to the possibility that you may be the one who needs to change your heart.
Grace never cancels
Grace does not “cancel”. Grace does not shame. Grace does not answer anger with anger. The person you totally disagree with may be crying out of pain and deep wounding. Perhaps a gentle answer will give hope. Grace does not lash out when challenged. Grace is kind and gentle.
Being graceful can be frustrating. Paul addresses this to the church at Colossae.
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:12-17, NLT)
Perhaps the most important thing all of us can do to further the unity in the body of Christ is to memorize that passage and try to implement those words for 30 days. Engaging The Rules of Grace may not win every argument but it may point a soul toward Jesus and that is the biggest win we can pray for.
