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Saturday was a fascinating day in professional sports. Two enormously gifted men achieved personal milestones. One superstar received adulation and praise. The other generated a mixed response of praise and open disdain. Michael Irvin was inducted into the Football Hall of Fame this weekend. The other superstar, Barry Bonds, tied the revered home run record of Hank Aaron on Saturday.

Barry Bond’s story has been well chronicled. While the accusations have never been proven it is overwhelmingly suspected that Bonds benefited from performance enhancing drugs. Bonds has been defiant, arrogant, angry, and sullen as he relentlessly closed in on the record. Fans have taken to wearing asterisk shirts at San Francisco Giant games to make the statement that any records set should have an asterisk attached to denote that the mark is tainted. Barry Bonds has not made it easy to be a fan of his.

But the fascinating juxtaposition from Saturday was the adulation poured on Michael Irvin. Irvin was also once an angry, arrogant, and defiant athlete. He was reviled by many fans. He made some very poor judgments that hurt him, his team, and his family. So how did Irvin find himself being showered with affection this past weekend?

One word. Redemption.

Michael Irvin seems to be a changed man. On a day when he was being recognized as one of the best football players to ever take the field you would expect that Irvin would display more than a little pride in his athletic giftedness. He chose to humbly confess his sinfulness. I believe it took more courage to utter some of the words Irvin spoke Saturday than it took to catch a pass knowing that a linebacker was drawing a bead on his chest.

Irvin started with a prayer. He alluded to the success on the football field. But the comments that won my respect were his up front and honest confessions at a event that rarely sees such moments. This excerpt from The Dallas Morning News is a sample of Irwin’s amazing speech.

Then came some very personal and emotional apologies for his failures off the field during the 1990s – the parties, the women, the drug arrests. He spoke directly to his wife, Sand, bringing a tear to her eye.

“For better or worse – those are the vows we take before God in marriage,” Irvin said. “It’s easy to live with the ‘for better,’ but rarely can you find someone who sticks around and endures the ‘for worse.’

“Sand, my wife, I have worked tirelessly to give you the ‘for better.’ But I also gave you the ‘for worse’ – and you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve it.”

Irvin broke down in tears about 21 minutes into his speech when he addressed his sons, Michael and Elijah.

“That’s where my heart is,” Irvin said of his sons. “I say to God, ‘I have my struggles, and I made some bad decisions, but whatever you do, don’t let me mess this up.’ I say, ‘Please help me raise them for some young lady so that they can be a better husband than I.’ ”

And suddenly a night dedicated to football had nothing to do with football at all.

I did not used to be a fan of Number 88. He is winning me over. Partly because he could play at the highest level of professional sports. But mainly because he was man enough to recognize his mistakes, humble himself before his Savior, realize what really matters, and confess all of that when he really did not need to.

Most men have also caused some (or many) ‘for worse’ moments in their marriage. Most of us have fallen short now and then from what we should have or could have been as dads. But Michael Irvin modeled something far more important than football on Saturday. He showed us what redemption looks like. Michael and his family demonstrated the power of love. The amazing grace of Jesus. And that humility is the greatest strength that any man can possess. Some other blog sites have questioned his sincerity. I believe his comments were honest and real. That does not mean he will be perfect for the rest of his life. But I have learned that when you realize the depth of your fallen Ness you are ready to begin your journey toward Christlike Ness.

My thoughts turned back to Barry Bonds. Perhaps I should extend a little grace to him. Maybe someday he will stand before us as a changed man. Maybe I should pray for that miracle instead of praying that a hamstrung injury will preserve Apron’s record. I never would have believed that Michael Irvin would move me so much while he was living his former life. That is what redemption is all about. A Savior who stands always ready to meet us at the moment we turn to Him. Michael Irvin did it. I did it. Barry Bonds is not a bigger sinner than me or Michael Irvin. We are all the same in the eyes of a Holy God . All of us, whether rich or poor, famous or anonymous, face the same question about how we can be reconciled to God. Paul summarizes it nicely in Romans.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Paul goes on to say that we can not take credit for any of this.

Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith.

Redemption is available for all of us. Even super stars.

Today is a travel day so there is no time to write. I hope you enjoy this gently read post from the past.

When I used to visit my family in Kentucky I remember the saying they used when someone thought a little differently.

“That boy ain’t right!”, they would note with a smile and shake of the head.

That is how I feel today after my “ain’t right” brain somehow linked two widely disparate stories. Story number one was found in The Week Magazine and told about a growing number of multimillionaires who are leaving their money to themselves in the hope they will someday be brought back to life. The Wall Street Journal had originally reported that these very future investors are having themselves cryogenically frozen with the hope that medical advances will allow them to be revived. I don’t know about you but I am really not interested in coming back to life on this planet. Woody Allen’s classic line comes to mind when he said, “I refuse to believe in reincarnation because I don’t want to have to sit through Ice Capades again.” According to the story, these assets are frozen (just like the investor…sorry, couldn’t resist) in something called “personal revival trusts” that will be waiting for them when they wake up in a century or two. Predicted first words…”Is it just me or is it really cold in here?”.  I can add these people to my “ain’t right” collection. I believe what is written in Hebrews.

Everyone has to die once, then face the consequences. (Hebrews 9, The Message)

Story number two that my brain oddly linked was about a man I have always admired. USA Today had a feature about the German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you are not familiar with the story Bonhoeffer was a Lutheran theologian and pastor in Germany who was deeply opposed to Adolf Hitler from the beginning of his rule. He broadcast against the Nazi movement and joined a Christian resistance movement called the Confessing Church. In 1939 he left Germany to be a teacher at Union Theological Seminary in New York but he left the safe haven of America to return to his home after just a month.

“I have come to the conclusion that I made a mistake in coming to America,” he wrote. “I shall have no right to take part in the restoration of Christian life in Germany after the war unless I share the trials of this time with my people.”

Writer G.Jeffrey MacDonald writes in USA Today about Bonhoeffer’s return.

Bonhoeffer used family connections to gain a post in the military intelligence unit, where he operated as a double agent. There he helped arrange for a bomb to explode at the Führer’s headquarters on July 20, 1944. But Hitler was only wounded, and Bonhoeffer, 38 and engaged to be married, was among the dozens arrested. He was hanged April 9, 1945, just days before American troops liberated Flossenbürg.To many, Bonhoeffer’s name is synonymous with moral courage and with the importance of thinking deeply about right and wrong.

That was the inspiring aspect of Bonhoeffer’s life. His thoughtful anguish over how to deal with evil in this world is more than applicable today. As I struggle with the concept of grace and Christ’s love for all sinners I am challenged by words like these from Bonhoeffer. “How can I possibly serve another person in unfeigned humility if I seriously regard his sinfulness as worse than my own?” Applying that principle alone would turn the American church upside down. But it was the way that Bonhoeffer faced death that caused me to relate his story to wealthy people who are trying desperately to deny the reality of death and judgment. Again quoting from the excellent story written by Mr.MacDonald.

For Bonhoeffer, being authentic meant facing death as destiny. His most famous line highlights the sacrifices required in Christian life: “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” His final act was to celebrate Communion with some fellow prisoners. Witnesses reported his final words. “This is the end for me, the beginning of life.” 

You see Bonhoeffer knew that truth of Phillipians when Paul wrote to live is Christ, to die is gain. I like the rendering of Paul’s words in The Message.

Alive, I’m Christ’s messenger; dead, I’m his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can’t lose.

Indeed.

Johnny Cash had a big hit with his song about a “Boy Named Sue”. Unfortunately it seems like our society has adopted “Sue” as it’s collective middle name. Regular readers of these humble ramblings know my disdain for ridiculous lawsuits. I chronicled the case of the judge who sued for $54 million dollars when a dry-cleaner misplaced his pants. Apparently his pants and mind were both lost in the transaction but sanity finally prevailed and the case was dismissed. Of course, the grieving victim of trouser trauma (can I say that?) is appealing.

Then I find a story about a woman in Illinois who is suing a Joliet, Illinois bar. The Chicago Tribune filed this report:

A woman who tried to dance atop the bar at a Joliet tavern is suing the establishment after she fell and shattered her ankle. Amy Mueller — a Joliet-area resident in her early 20s, according to her attorney — is seeking more than $50,000 in damages in Will County Circuit Court for her injuries at Samy’s Bar and Grill, 3131 Voyager Lane, on May 19, 2006.

She fell while trying to climb up onto the bar and is suing Samy’s for “allowing [her] to climb upon the bar without a step-stool, ladder or other device used for safety.”

Let this be a lesson to all taverns. Be sure to install ladders, railing, non-slip bar surfaces, safety rigging (a bar bungee), and padded landing areas in case your patrons decide to try out for So You Think You Can Dance at your establishment. The attorney, Frank Cservenyak, assures us that his motives are pure. And I can assure you that my ten cup a day coffee habit is not caffeine related.

“I wouldn’t take a case I believe is frivolous. She completely shattered her right ankle. This isn’t, ‘I fell and bruised my back.’”

Right. In my experience…uhhhh…I mean from what I have heard it is never a good idea to mix alcohol and climbing. The attorney claims that the bar encourages patrons to climb on the bar so her bad judgment is really the fault of the tavern. Apparently the thinking is that as long as someone encourages you to be stupid it is not your fault. My parents covered that objection with the “if they jumped off a cliff” line of parental reasoning. So my word of advice to my tens of readers is simple. Avoiding alcohol will prevent most bar top dancing mishaps and will stop ninety percent of tragic karaoke embarrassments.

The final lawsuit involves a young man who started his own religion. So far the church has doubled in size to include his mom. After that initial explosive growth the church has leveled off and the current membership is still two. His lawsuit involves his religious right to wear clothing appropriate to his new religion. The San Antonio Express picks up the story that began in 2004:

Daniel A. Lorenz regularly wore a collared shirt to work, but it clearly wasn’t the type expected in the Wal-Mart Supercenter’s dress code. He says he was fired after reporting for duty in his priest’s shirt with Roman collar, an Arab headdress and six crosses. Supervisors had warned Lorenz that his job was at risk over his appearance, which they said violated dress codes and upset customers and fellow workers, particularly Catholics.

But Lorenz, 20, ignored requests to shed the shirt and collar — the main bones of contention — claiming they reflect his unique spiritual beliefs. In a year at the store, Lorenz said no one complained to him about his Muslim-Christian hybrid image, which he says reflects his nondiscriminatory philosophy about world religions. “I don’t believe in any one religion,” Lorenz said in his EEOC complaint. “I do believe in God, but I don’t attend any one church. There is no title to my religion other than a universal belief system.” Lorenz’s ponytail and fuzzy chin reflect his belief that hair should not be cut because he is only “borrowing” his body. He won’t date or marry, because all humans are family, he said, and that would make it incest.

This looks like a one-generation movement based on those beliefs.

Lorenz’s mother, who works at Wal-Mart, said she’s the only other adherent to her son’s spiritual doctrine, which is now being put to paper. “We haven’t found anybody who believes as strongly as we do,” said Catherine Lorenz, 44.

As hard as that may be to believe I noted with interest that a few weeks ago the case finally came to court. Again, the San Antonio Express has the story:

A U.S. District Court judge granted Wal-Mart a summary judgment motion to dismiss the federal case in August, but Lorenz is appealing. Wal-Mart argued his desire to wear a Muslim headdress, a Catholic priest’s shirt and large crucifix necklace to work as a night stocker reflected his personal preference, not a religion. Lorenz was seen outside work in secular clothing, Wal-Mart’s pleadings said. Lorenz said work is “ongoing” on scripture explaining the faith he formulated after visiting the Middle East in 2001. “Our belief is ever-evolving.” Lorenz said.

It would be so easy for me to dismiss Lorenz and his unusual potpourri of beliefs. But the sad truth is that millions of American Christians have a confused blend of beliefs as well. I wrote a tongue-in-cheek ode to our Christian ignorance in When Bad Christians Happen to Good People. I did a little rewrite of the lyrics of Sam Cooke’s classic song “Wonderful World” and came up with this.

Don’t know much about theology,
Don’t know much Christology.
Don’t know much about Leviticus,
Don’t know why they had the Exodus.
But I do know that God loves you,
And I know that if I’m real good too
What a wonderful faith this would be. 

You have to buy the book to get the rest of my lyrical genius. But buried in the light hearted poke at our lack of knowledge is a very serious problem. A blending of faiths also infiltrates the church. And I would suggest that a part of the struggle of the church in America is that we don’t really have a clear understanding of what we believe. George Barna has done considerable research on this topic and the results are appalling. For example, here are some examples of widely held beliefs among Christians that are clearly in opposition to the Biblical view. Barna found that 74 per cent of respondents (apparently no one with a two year old in the house) thought that when people are born, they are neither good nor evil; they make a choice between the two as they mature. Forty two percent believe that when Jesus lived on earth, He sinned like other people. Fifty nine percent thought that Satan was just a symbol of evil. The list goes on and on but it identifies a major problem. When Christians don’t have a fundamental and basic understanding of Biblical theology we go through the buffet line of beliefs and select what looks or smells good. Not much different from the “ever-evolving” comment from above.

Barna writes that “because we remain a largely Bible-illiterate society, few are alarmed or even aware of the slide toward syncretism – a belief system that blindly combines beliefs from many different faith perspectives.” In other words we are becoming a society of blended faith. How about three-quarters of Americans believing that God helps them that help themselves is a Biblical teaching? (instead of a quote from Ben Franklin)

I first became convicted of my need to solidify my Biblical and theological knowledge when I realized that I could name the starting lineup for the 1961 National League Champion Cincinnati Reds but I could only name slightly more than half of the Apostles. We must know what and why we believe. The resources are out there. Most of us have Bibles laying all around. And the sad and very convicting truth is that we make time for what is important to us. I spent twenty minutes with the sports page today and yet I am prone to say I don’t have time for Bible study. 

I am not able to take the “fifth” in my journey with Jesus. A lack of theological and biblical knowledge is an incriminating fact that can be changed. I have been guilty of not having a real knowledge of what and why I believe. I am on a determined course to correct that. I want my faith to be ever evolving but always and completely based on the truth of God’s Word.

Your humble “Bad Christian” took a little summer hiatus from the daily ramblings last month. July featured a countdown of the top twenty most read articles in the two year life of this blog. The countdown finished with a piece written just a couple of days after hearing about my wife Joni’s diagnosis of breast cancer. That post was called “Sentences That Change Your Life”.  Sixteen months later I can verify how much one sentence changed our lives. It was an odd coincidence that the story was delivered to many of your electronic mailboxes on the same day that ABC’s Robin Roberts announced her breast cancer diagnosis on ‘Good Morning America’.

I saw Robert’s brave optimism and strength. But I also saw the emotion and fear of the unknown battle that loomed in the days ahead. It is not an easy journey. But I am sure that Robin Roberts will be an inspiration to women across America. The message that Robin emphasized was the importance of early detection. With early detection there is a 95% five year survival rate for breast cancer patients. Please do not ignore regular checkups.

The reason for hanging up the “Closed for July” sign at the old website was a good one. Joni and I took a big chunk of last month to embark on a celebration cruise that marked the end of her treatments. We flew to London and met up with two other couples who had shared our journey and now shared our joy. On July 4^th we journeyed to Southhampton, England to begin a twelve day cruise around the British Isles. We tried not to dwell on the fact that Southhampton was the port that Titantic departed from ninety-five years ago. That little factoid did make me pay a bit more attention to the mandatory safety drill that all cruise ships have before departure.

During Joni’s long journey through chemotherapy and radiation she often talked about getting “postcards” from God. When she would get a bit down or discouraged she would inevitably receive an unexpected visit, note or blessing. I cannot tell you if the following event was a “postcard” from God for us. But the timing was indeed remarkable. We had started planning this cruise just after Joni’s diagnosis as a way to celebrate the eventual end of treatments. After a long and difficult cancer journey we finally reached the celebration journey departure.. This was the scene as we pulled away from Southhampton.

That is not an enhanced photo. That is how the rainbow actually appeared from our balcony. We were as awestruck as Noah must have been when God made His promise to him.

Then God said, “I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures, for all generations to come.  I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth.  When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will appear in the clouds, and I will remember my covenant with you and with all living creatures.”

I will never forget that rainbow. Joni and I had adopted a song called Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns as the anthem for our journey. The lyrics are a powerful reminder of the need to trust God in all things.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
And stepped in and saved the day
Once again, I say Amen, and it is still raining

I’ll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
You are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

For Joni and I the storm has passed for now. I am reminded of a quote from author G.K.Chesterton: “And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.”

We have had some rain and dark clouds. Now we have a chance to rest in Him and savor the rainbow. On our trip we visited the beautiful country of Ireland. I will leave you with this Irish blessing.

“May God give you…For every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer.”

Amen.

The countdown concludes today with the most read article over the past two years of this blog.

Most of life’s sentences are blissfully mundane. I can’t find my keys. Take out the garbage. Please feed the dog. I can’t find my keys. ADD readers will relate to that string of comments. But sometimes a single sentence will change your life. My bride of nearly thirty years dropped one of those sentences on me earlier this week.

“My spot was cancerous.”

After an optimistic initial briefing from the surgeon days earlier we were not prepared for the harsh reality of the pathology report. The  breast cancer is still small but aggressive. The prognosis still optimistic but the journey will be hard. Yesterday I quoted that noted scholar and philosopher Mike Tyson who said, “Everyone has a game plan until they get hit in the mouth.”  That was how I felt after talking and crying with my wife. We are looking at a year of treatment and trials. But God is good and His grace is truly sufficient. How can you explain how forty eight hours later we can have such confidence and peace?

Many of you read these ramblings at Crosswalk and I have become a regular peruser of that site. Just last week pastor and author John Piper wrote an amazing article at Crosswalk called “Don’t Waste Your Cancer.” Piper wrote the article on the eve of his own prostate surgery so he has a little “street cred” on the topic. I was blown away at his godly response to this fearsome foe. I never dreamed that I would be sharing that article with my wife just days later.  Joni and I have adopted John’s spiritual battle plan right alongside our doctor’s medical strategy as we proceed to fight this giant. Here is just some of John Piper’s wisdom from that article.

You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
 
It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: “They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him” (Job 42:11). If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.

You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the LORD our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.

You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill” (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.

You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: “They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.

Joni and I do not intend to waste this experience. When we prayed about her upcoming surgery my amazing wife dropped another sentence on me that was a life changer.

“Dear God…I am not and I will not question you.”

How can you not want to go into battle with a woman like that? Yesterday I told her that I wished I was going through this and not her. She said that she was glad it was her and not me. The miracle of the two becoming one is that we both meant what we said. Just about thirty years ago I proclaimed another life changing statement without really realizing the magnitude of the vow that I was making.

I take you Joni to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…

So it is my turn to step up to the plate and back up that vow. What a privilege to be there for her as she would be there for me. We value your prayers. For anyone who might stumble on this blog I would suggest one more life changing statement. This is a statement that I have experienced and can highly recommend for both the mountains and valleys of this journey.

Jesus…I want to know you personally.

The second most read post in the history of this site involves forgiveness.

One of the things that really struck me from the movie “End of the Spear” was that in the Waodani language, there is no word for forgiveness. The concept was so foreign to that culture that no word had ever been coined. In our Christian culture we have the word but we too often lack the ability to apply it. One of the joys of writing these daily ramblings is hearing from readers who are blessed or challenged by something I have written. Occasionally someone takes time out of their busy schedule to tell me I am an idiot. Isn’t it a waste of time to tell an idiot that he is an idiot? How can an idiot comprehend that? But I digress. The communications that are really hard for me are the ones from people who have been wounded by other people in the church or by church leaders. Those break my heart and such messages arrive far too often. Today was such a day.

I wrote a blog this week called  “Boomers get ready…how soon will we be going home?”. The article was based on a mortality calculator developed for baby boomers. You could add up your variables and predict your chances of living for the next four years. But my argument was that no matter how much time we have we should live with a sense of urgency.  Here are a couple of paragraphs from that post.

So how then should we live? Like Paul and Peter and John and the rest of the early followers of Christ. With an air of expectancy that tomorrow (or the rest of today) is not guaranteed. To live with a sense of priority and passion about what really matters. Do you have someone that you want to tell that you love them? Tell them now. Is there a relationship that needs repairing? Repair it now. Someone that you know you have to forgive? Please forgive them now by faith and the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. Still angry with a parent or sibling? Deal with it now. Have you slipped away from God for some reason? Come back now.

What if I told you that you have exactly one week to live? Write down what you would do and what you would say in those precious seven days. And then start doing those things now. Because no matter how stunning your score might be on the Grim Reaper Index it is no guarantee of anything past this moment. I know that not every recipient of such communications are receptive or even civil. But at the end of the day we are accountable before a Holy God only for our actions. They are accountable for theirs. Do the right thing and trust the rest to Jesus.  

Today I found this response to that post.

I agree that as a follower of Christ we should not be concerned about how many days we have left, we should live each day as though it is our last. My issues to deal with are related to pain inflicted by Christian leaders on trusting and innocent people. How can anyone forgive these people who take advantage of the very ones who they are entrusted to lead, teach, and help? HOW is it possible to forgive a pastor who has deliberately lied, stolen, and strung along an innocent person? Does God really expect us to forgive such people- exploiters who manipulate the word of God in order to trick a trusting person into submission – a pastor who uses a hurting person’s unfounded guilt to his own advantage? And when does accountability come into the equation? And do we have to forgive others when we are not even ASKED for forgiveness?

Dave, is a Christian required to forgive those who have willfully lied, used and abused them with premeditation when no apology was ever offered? If I die today will I go to Hell because I cannot forgive a pastor who caused me and my loved ones excruciating pain and suffering for years? What then is the difference between a Christian and a doormat?

Wow. Anyone out there want to field this one? The message was signed “doormat”. The pain and anger in that message are heartbreaking. There is no way I can address all of the issues raised here in this space. But I did want to offer a few things and hope that this reader finds some comfort. I think that we have generally done a poor job of teaching forgiveness. Here are a few misconceptions that I personally had about forgiveness.  This is from a chapter on forgiveness I wrote about in “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church”.

• Forgiveness is not condoning or diminishing the offense. Forgiving a person who has wronged you does not mean they are “off the hook” for any consequences or judgment that may result from their actions. Forgiveness is a personal act of your will that releases the other person from your condemnation. At that point you have been obedient to what Jesus asks of you…the other person is responsible to God for their response. By extending forgiveness you are not saying the offense was insignificant or unimportant. You are saying that you trust God to see that justice is dispensed according to His Holy judgment and timing.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting. The old forgive and forget admonition was one of the biggest barriers I faced in my journey to learn how to forgive. You know the old mental challenge to not picture an elephant in the room. You can’t do it. Instantly the image pops into your mind. The more I tried to be spiritually mature and try to forgive and forget the more my offender became the “elephant in the room.” That person or event was all I could think of. Over time you will think less and less of the hurt and/or the one who administered same. C.S. Lewis wrote to a friend late in his life. “Dear Mary…Do you know, only a few weeks ago, I realized suddenly that I had at last forgiven the cruel schoolmaster who so darkened my childhood. I had been trying to do it for years.” To try to achieve a state of instantaneous forgetfulness is setting yourself up for failure and frustration.
• Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Certainly it is a worthy goal to have the gift of forgiveness lead to a restoration of a damaged relationship. But it takes two people to reconcile and you have no control over anyone’s response except your own. The other person may not respond graciously. They may not be ready to accept forgiveness or acknowledge their part or even desire to be reconciled. Again, we have done what is required of us by extending the grace of forgiveness. Reconciliation is not required  to be obedient to the command of Jesus.
• Forgiveness is an act of the will and is not a response to feelings. We must choose to forgive and trust the Jesus who forgave us to eventually change our feelings. We may not “feel” like forgiveness has transpired. If you decide to wait until you “feel” like forgiving or that the other person must make the first move you will remain spiritually stuck. We have to make the choice and then wait for God to honor the choice.  We make a choice to forgive and then we have faith that the Holy Spirit will reshape our feelings over the course of time. Forgiveness requires choice and faith, just like every miracle that comes from God. 
• Forgiveness is not ignoring or excusing the offense. There is nothing to forgive if we have not been wronged. Jesus is not asking us to ignore reality. He is asking us to acknowledge how much we have been forgiven and to extend the same courtesy to others. Forgiveness is acknowledging the offense without cover-up or excuse and still choosing to forgive.
• Forgiveness is not denial of the hurt. Pride will often cause us to “not allow the person who hurt us the satisfaction” of knowing we are wounded. That is absurd. Acknowledge the reality of the injury but make the choice and decision of your will to be healed. 
• Forgiveness is eliminating revenge as an option. Lewis Smedes makes a brilliant point about revenge. No matter how much we try “we cannot get even; this is the inner fatality of revenge.” When you start trying to get even you have lost. How many times must I gossip about you to get “even” for the hurt you caused me? When is the scale even? Or do I need to have the scale tip a bit toward me to be satisfied? What a self-defeating pursuit that becomes! And the truth proclaimed by Josh Billings is “there is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.”
• Forgiveness means understanding that hurt is part of the faith tour contract that we signed when we decided to follow Jesus. Author David Stoop notes that, “People choose the Path of Bitterness when they get caught up in trying to understand the reasons for the offense. They think, if only they could understand why the other person did what he or she did, they could get over it
  and let it go.”  I have three words for that approach….does not work.

The late author Lewis Smedes wrote powerfully about forgiveness. He often spoke of how only forgiveness can “release us from the grip of our history.” We cannot change an abusive upbringing. We cannot alter dysfunctional theological training that denied grace. We cannot simply deny the hurts that have been visited upon us and be spiritually free. Only forgiveness can release us from the grip of these real and historical events.

So I would say this to my wounded brother who wrote the message to me. Yes, I believe you do need to forgive that pastor. But the reason you need to forgive is that Jesus knew that is the only way for you to be fully healed. You have a Savior who understands the pain of betrayal. So I am going to ask you to be selfish and forgive. Say what? I have heard bitterness described as drinking rat poison and hoping the other person dies. The comparison works for me. It is vital to your spiritual well being to forgive this person. When you follow the directive of Jesus and forgive you are free to concentrate on the blessings in your life. Is this easy? Of course not. I believe that forgiveness is the single hardest thing that Jesus asks us to do. But He knows how important forgiveness is for own growth. Will you go to Hell if you die today without forgiving this person? I don’t believe that for a moment. The redemptive act of Jesus on the cross literally has you (and sins past, present, and future) covered. But why would you want to live in anger and distress when Jesus has something better for you? The Apostle Paul’s wrote these words in Colossians.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col 3  NIV

You and I have been forgiven of much. Thomas Fuller observed that “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has to be forgiven.”  A Christian who is not forgiving is a Christian who is not growing. I am going to pray for you to make the choice to forgive. God will do the rest.

May I add that no one who has the courage and maturity to make that choice will ever be called a doormat in my book.

The most read articles in the brief history of these humble ramblings reaches number three today. Today’s topic reflects on why we expect something for simpy doing the right thing.

This morning I looked out in the backyard and noticed that adopted dog Hannah was vibrating. She usually only vibrates when she meets a new friend so I got a little curious. When I investigated I found that Hannah had “befriended” a box turtle that had somehow found it’s way through our fences and into our yard. The turtle seemed considerably less excited about the relationship with Hannah but he/she did seem to sense that the vibrating lab was, at worst, annoying.

A few minutes later I checked again on the turtle. The turtle had managed to fall into our pool and it was apparent that land turtles cannot swim. I looked for the leaf skimmer but we had attached the brush instead. In the meantime the poor little thing was flailing, stretching it’s neck as much as it could to break the surface, and it was clear the turtle was doomed without some help. So I jumped in and saved the turtle. I don’t want to overstate the case. I wasn’t dressed in an Armani suit with Italian loafers. I was just in shorts and a t-shirt. But I got pretty soaked in the waist deep water the turtle had fallen in. I put the turtle back on land and he simply crawled away. I dried off and wondered how many people in America rescue box turtles from pools on any given day. I might be the only one in the whole country today.

Later I reflected on the turtle’s response. Once I put him down he just went on his way. No thank you. No nod of his scaly noggin. Nothing. And I didn’t care because I didn’t rescue the turtle with any expectations that I would receive anything. It was just the right thing to do because one of God’s creatures was in distress.

That response made me wonder about some of my motives when I reach out to others. If I don’t receive a response I sometimes get perturbed. If there is not acknowledgement of my “heroics” I feel hurt or angry. When I simply do the right thing for one of God’s struggling creatures should I expect anything in return? What is my reason for helping others? I know the turtle was incapable of a response. Maybe some of the people we come in contact are nearly as incapable of gratitude at that point in their journey.

I liked the turtle’s response. He made me think about why I serve the Lord. Is for Him or for me? If it is for Him I won’t care if I do the right thing and the recipient just goes on their way. Solomon wrote this in Proverbs.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
       when it is in your power to act.  Prov 23  NIV

So next time you do a kind thing make that your reward. Just representing Jesus and being His hands and feet on this planet is thanks enough.