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  • What Do Real Christians Do?

    What Do Real Christians Do?

    Recently I passed a highway billboard with this message.

    Real Christians Obey Jesus.

    I get the intent of the message. Too many folks leave their Sunday Lesson in the parking lot as they drive to lunch. But exactly what does it mean to be a “real Christian”? We subtly (or in my own experience, not so subtly) program Christians to believe that growth is about doing more right things. That righteousness somehow involves my extraordinary efforts for Jesus. We imply that change can only happen when you are trying hard and being disciplined for God. The truth is that a dramatic change has already happened when you make that faith commitment to follow Jesus. I think one of the biggest problems in the church is that we don’t teach clearly and repetitively what happens at the very moment we put our faith in the finished work of Christ.

    Let’s just hit the highlights. Scripture tells you that at that moment you have a new identity. You are literally a new creation. God sees you as righteous because of your relationship with Jesus. That’s it. Nothing you have done or ever will do earns that righteousness. It is a gift of grace. You are a saint. Redeemed. Adopted as His beloved child. Right then. Before you do a single thing. You are changed completely when you trust Christ.

    The trick is living out of that truth. Instead of exhausting effort to try and change I now see Jesus putting His arm around me and explaining that I have been already been changed. I see Him telling me that my sins are completely forgiven. I see Him explaining to me that all of those things that used to be true about me are no longer true. That no matter what the Accuser might say those things are dead and buried at the Cross. I don’t have to grit my teeth and try harder to win favor and please Him. That sin does not have power over me anymore.  That if I trust Him and let God love me I will please Him. My faith and trust is what pleases Him according to God’s Word.

    All I need to do to be a “real” Christian is to believe and trust that. I have been a follower of Jesus for five decades. During stretches of that journey you would have been hard pressed to see if that my faith was real. What potential judges would not have seen was that Jesus was slowly and patiently working in my life to make me more in His image. I am a very different person today than I was in my early walk. It was never helpful to have someone point out that “if I was a real Christian” I would be doing this or that. What did help was having grace filled believers come along side me, believe in me, and help me find the gift of grace that Jesus offers. Those are the people you remember with gratitude and joy.

    Jesus talks about how we limit our ability to have peace when we don’t allow Him to provide us with strength. He didn’t mention a harness of legalism and works. He talked instead about a yoke, and that His yoke is “easy.”

    Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT)

    Jesus wants you to don His yoke. Trust Him. Have faith. He has done the heavy lifting already. Rest in Him.  Learn how to be humble and gentle in spirit. Quit trying so dadgum (that may not be in the Greek) hard and serve out of grateful love. Jesus tells us when we believe those truths, our burdens are light. The walk with Him is easy and natural.

    Being a “real” Christian means beginning each day with a profound sense of gratitude that Jesus offered me this gift of grace. A “real” Christian would never, never, never take advantage of a God who loves you so much that such a sacrifice was made.

    I do believe a “real” Christian obeys Jesus but it is so critical to clarify why and how. I obey out of gratitude for His grace. I love Him because He loved me first. Jesus loved me when I was unlovable. Forgave me when I was unforgivable. How hard is it to follow and obey someone who loves you like that? Not hard at all. And that is real.

    Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly

  • One Thing Grace Doesn’t Cover

    One Thing Grace Doesn’t Cover

    I talk about Grace so much that the auto-suggest on my phone pops up the word as soon as I hit “G”. I suspect that sometimes you faithful readers wish I would mix up my topics. The truth is I cannot. Understanding grace rocked my spiritual world and changed my walk with God in dramatic and wonderful ways.

    I regularly extol the virtues of grace for a follower of Jesus. Grace compels you to trust others with you. Grace compels you to trust Jesus with your sin because you can’t manage it yourself. Grace compels you to forgive because you have been forgiven. Grace compels you to accept others and not judge them. Grace compels you to move toward the unlovable and not away. Grace compels you to sacrifice when you desire security. Grace compels you to love when your heart is hateful. Grace compels you to trust God when you are afraid and weak.

    The amazing thing about God’s grace is that He is not a God of a second chance. He is a God of chance after chance after chance ad infinitum. We are never outside God’s redeeming grace, no matter how much or how often we blow it.

    But there is one thing that God’s amazing grace does not cover.

    The consequences of intentional sin. Paul makes it very clear.

    Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. (Galatians 6:7, NLT)

    I have been deeply saddened and sometimes angered by followers of Jesus who blithely act in ways that are clearly against God’s Word and then proclaim that His grace will cover them. Some call that cheap grace. I cannot label a gift bought with such a price “cheap”. Indeed there are grace abusers and I wrote about that very topic in my book, Waking Up Slowly.

    To borrow from my brother Saint Paul, here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: grace can never be viewed as a cheap gift. It cost Jesus everything. I challenge you to kneel at the foot of the cross and look up. There is nothing cheap about the transaction that Jesus suffered for you and me. Nothing causes me to lose my Sunday school lesson quicker than the cheap-grace posse. And yes, I know that some people misuse grace. There is a word for that.

    Sin.

    The truth is that grace is the only real antidote for sin and should never, ever, be the excuse for sin. Paul addressed the heresy that grace gives me license to sin, and he was rightfully dismayed (you might even say ticked off).

    Sin will have no mastery over you, because you are not under law but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace?

    Absolutely not!

    Romans 6:14-15, NET (emphasis added)

    Here is a sampling of other translations of Paul’s undisguised chagrin expressed in Romans 6:15 at the very thought that the sweet grace of the Gospel would be abused:

    God forbid! (KJV)
    Of course not! (NLT)
    May it never be! (NASB)
    By no means! (ESV)

    Clearly Paul is appalled by the idea that we would even consider using this sacrificial gift of unmerited grace as cover for selfish behavior and sin.

    Frederick William Faber is credited with this observation.

    “God does not save us by grace so that we may live in disgrace.”

    Grace will provide forgiveness for sin but not escape from it’s consequences. Betrayal of a spouse may make you feel better but you do not escape the weight of that sin on those you hurt and on your own heart. Just read the terrible consequences of David’s adultery and you recognize that even a king described as a “man after God’s own heart” cannot dodge the effects of sin. Anytime you rationalize sin by saying that grace has you covered you have bought a lie from the Enemy.

    Grace was costly. Grace was painful for God the Father to implement. If you are tempted to abuse that grace perhaps you should review if you really understand the cost paid to make it possible. Grace covers everything. Except the pain left behind in the wake of selfish sin.

  • Don’t Kid Yourself

    Don’t Kid Yourself

    After listening to a few minutes of depressing news I needed a little soul nourishment. Rich Mullins is one of my go to songwriters for that need. The first song that played was very timely in this season of sadness and uncertainty. “We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are” shows how our relationships can be fragile in the best of times.

    Well, it took the hand of God Almighty
    To part the waters of the sea
    But it only took one little lie
    To separate you and me
    Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are.

    If only we could acknowledge that we are not as strong as we think we are and then live accordingly I believe we would see an amazing difference.

    I need God and the community of believers to be spiritually and emotionally healthy. Yet pride tells me that I am able to handle the situation. Fear tells me that revealing the needs of my heart will only make things worse. So one little lie or misunderstanding dealt with in my own strength negates the strength of a God who could part the waters of the seas. I choose my power over the One who could heal my pain if only I would let Him.

    I remember when a major food company recalled thousands of chili cans that were tainted with deadly toxins. A later follow-up to that story told about cans of chili exploding as the pressure built up inside the containers.
    That is a messy and disgusting metaphor for how we deal with the internal toxins of relational hurt, misunderstandings, accusations, and fear. We seal those emotional and spiritual poisons up and store them away hoping it will somehow be okay. But the toxins in our heart have not been killed, only compartmentalized. The pain continues to grow, slowly and inexorably. Finally the pressure builds to the point of explosion. There is a better way.

    Paul described that better way to the Colossians.

    Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

    (Colossians 3:12-15, NLT)

    Sometimes I dream that the body of Christ would commit to spend 30 days living and breathing just those four verses. What would that look like? How much healing would happen? I think four verses could spark revival.

    But we pull back and try to go it alone. Even if we attempt to walk in community we are too afraid or proud to share our needs. Rich Mullins was exactly right. We are not as strong as we think we are. Especially in this weird socially distanced isolation we need each other more than ever. So I am going to encourage you to reach out before you lash out. Ask for healing before you hurt yourself and others.

    And if you find yourself in a decent place right now ask God to show you someone that you can reach out to and love. Call them. Text them. Ask how they are doing. God is serious about how we communicate about others in the flock. Peter writes:

    Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing. (1 Peter 3:8-9, The Message)

    Rich Mullin’s wrote that weakness is not a sin. Failing to acknowledge our need for God’s strength is the sin.

    We are frail
    We are fearfully and wonderfully made
    Forged in the fires of human passion
    Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
    And with these our hells and our heavens
    So few inches apart
    We must be awfully small
    And not as strong as we think we are.

    No, we are not as strong as we think we are. We need to acknowledge that He is God and we are not. We need one another but I know that too often we let each other down. At that point another Rich Mullins song comes to mind about our need for Jesus. The irony is that we often resist that always available grace.

    Surrender don’t come natural to me
    I’d rather fight you for something
    I don’t really want
    Than to take what you give that I need
    And I’ve beat my head against so many walls
    Now I’m falling down, I’m falling on my knees…

    When your soul is dry as dust and everything seems hopeless this chorus is a healing prayer.

    So hold me Jesus,
    Cause I’m shaking like a leaf
    You have been King of my glory
    Won’t You be my Prince of Peace

    He will hold you in your fear. We need to leave our pride at the foot of the Cross and depend on His grace and strength. And we need to not kid ourselves about this simple truth. We are not as strong as we THINK we are. We need Jesus. We need each other.

  • Twitter Rules from Jesus and Paul

    Twitter Rules from Jesus and Paul

    Social media is depressing. After a taking a recent sanity exit from Twitter a song from my (much) younger days triggered the musing for this week. The song Easy to be Hard was written for the musical Hair but it became a big hit as a cover for Three Dog Night. The lyrics could have been written today about the disappointing interactions on Twitter, Facebook and other platforms.

    How can people be so heartless
    How can people be so cruel
    Easy to be hard
    Easy to be cold.

    I could sing those lyrics almost anytime I cruise through the comments section on Twitter. The dialogue is often mean, unforgiving, and disheartening. I get particularly distressed when people of faith descend to that level of discourse. People who have proudly labeled themselves in their bio as followers of Jesus use language on social media that once would have made a sailor blush. Regular readers of my musings know I am not a purveyor of guilt in my writings. I am just asking a question. Is this the way we should be communicating as a public follower of Jesus?

    One push back I hear is that any words other than taking the Lord’s name in vain are merely words. There is some truth to that. Jesus made it clear that what is in our heart is really the issue. So if you have profanity in your heart you might as well let’er rip. Right? Paul moves from meditation to meddling with these words to the church at Ephesus.

    Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29, NLT

    That makes it pretty clear for a Christian. Words do matter. Perhaps the biggest issue is how do Christians, who clearly are called to a higher standard, react to an increasingly coarse culture? It is so easy to get angry and caught up in emotional debates when you are being goaded by an unkind person.

    Here are some more annoying words from Paul to the Colossians.

    Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:6, NLT

    How do Christians respond to those who oppose them? It is certainly easy and temporarily satisfying to respond in kind. But here is what Jesus said we should do.

    “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. Luke 6:35-36, NLT

    Not a lot of room to rationalize my “righteous” anger. For my fellow followers of Jesus I suggest the following. Set a higher standard but don’t be self-righteous about it. Just live it. Defend your position with intelligent arguments and don’t descend to ugly name calling. Pray for the heart of those who offend you with mean spirited responses. Remember that the battle is the Lord’s and we are called to share His love and the Good News of the Gospel.

    Words matter. A lot. So here is one safe word you can always default to.

    Grace.

    And love them like Jesus. Then you will truly represent the Father as His grateful child. It’s not easy. But it is right.

  • Soul Music…Soul Searching

    Soul Music…Soul Searching

    I love the power of song lyrics to touch the heart. A song by Percy Sledge brought a spiritual connection to an old favorite tune. “When a Man Loves a Woman” reached number one on both the Billboard Hot 100 and the R&B charts in 1966. I remember when I fell in love with my beautiful wife. I totally identified with these lyrics in those halcyon days of young love.

    When a man loves a woman
    Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else
    He’d trade the world
    For a good thing he’s found

    When a man loves a woman
    Spend his very last dime
    Trying to hold on to what he needs
    He’d give up all his comforts
    And sleep out in the rain
    If she said that’s the way
    It ought to be

    I give you everything I’ve got (yeah)
    Trying to hold on
    To your precious love

    Could there be a more powerful description of how it feels to be giddy in love? You really can’t think of anything else but your new love. I reflected on this song in the context of my relationship with God. When I first became a Christian I was so happy, so relieved, and so grateful for His forgiveness. I really couldn’t keep my mind on nothin’ else except this new relationship with Jesus. I was so sold out to my relationship with God that I believe I would have traded the whole world for the good thing I’d found. But, much like romantic love, things can change over time if you are not careful.

    I say I love Jesus but there are days that I hardly think about spiritual things. There are times when talking to God and praying feels like a burden. And I wonder if I would trade the world now for the good thing I’ve found in Jesus? My pew-litically correct answer is of course I would. Then why can it be so difficult to sacrifice even a little bit of my comfort for others? If I am truly willing to trade the whole world maybe I should have a few less possessions and and a lot more giving. Wouldn’t that be a true indicator of my love for God? Would I give my last dime (or at least more of my dimes) for Jesus? Or would I be like the rich young man of the Bible and turn away sadly at the cost He demands? Would I give up all my comforts if God called me to do that? Or would I rationalize that I can “do more” where I am? Do I give Him everything I’ve got?

    But here is where this love relationship with Jesus is so different from the romantic love that Percy Sledge describes. The remarkable truth of grace is I don’t have to give everything to try and desperately hold on to God’s precious love. God’s love is always there when we enter into a faith relationship with Jesus. It was signed, sealed, and delivered at Calvary. When I accepted that gift of mercy I no longer had to try to hold on or earn that love. When a man loves God he does so out of gratitude because God extended grace to a person who did not deserve it. When a man (or woman) loves God there is no performance required to maintain His faith love.

    But there is much that you can do to show it. You can give others the love and grace you have received so freely and abundantly.

    “You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving.”

    That was the insightful quote from Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India. That is true when a man loves a woman. And it should be especially true when a man or woman loves God.

  • Is Grace Fair?

    Is Grace Fair?

    I write a lot about where our hope truly lies and how we need to be a positive light in a negative world. I came upon this wise advice for social media posters from the Gospel of John.

    “Stop grumbling among yourselves,” Jesus answered. (John 6:43)

    I laughed when I read that and thought this might become my new life verse for this very negative political season. The verse follows a section where Jesus talks about how He is the bread of life and has come from Heaven. This was just too much for the locals who knew Him as the kid raised by Mary and Joseph down at the carpenter shop. But the message is timeless. I need to stop grumbling and start living out of who God says I am as His child. Maybe that is why God calls me His child because I sure can be childish at times.

    The grumbling verse reminded me of one of my favorite grace parables. A vineyard owner hired some workers early in the morning to help bring in the harvest. Jesus continues the story.

    “At five o’clock that afternoon he was in town again and saw some more people standing around. He asked them, ‘Why haven’t you been working today?’ “They replied, ‘Because no one hired us.’ “The landowner told them, ‘Then go out and join the others in my vineyard. (Matthew 20:6-7)

    So far the story is nice. A kind and compassionate man wants to help some poor folks who had no work. They could work an hour and at least get a tiny bit for their effort. But Jesus is about to turn the “fairness” doctrine over like a table in the Temple.

    “That evening he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those hired at five o’clock were paid, each received a full day’s wage. When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they, too, were paid a day’s wage. When they received their pay, they protested to the owner, ‘Those people worked only one hour, and yet you’ve paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat.’

    “He answered one of them, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair! Didn’t you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay this last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’

    “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.” (Matthew 20:8-16, NLT)

    Can’t you just see it? The grumbling of the sweaty and exhausted all day workers decrying that they had been treated unfairly yet the truth is they got exactly the wage they agreed upon. I wondered about the reaction of the latecomers. Did they gloat about their luck? I don’t think so. I imagine they wept at the kindness of an unmerited gift given by a unexpectedly kind man. At 4 pm they faced the prospect of going home with nothing to provide for their family but two hours later they had been given, not earned, a full days wage! Think of the joy as the men went home and excitedly told about this amazing generosity. The family likely gathered around and touched the denarius like a sacred gift from Heaven. What a contrast of joy from a once forgotten group of men juxtaposed against the grumbling of the people who had done the “right” thing and expected to be treated better. What a picture of grace! We don’t earn grace by a full day or one hour effort. Grace is a gift. Grace is an unearned gift of love to be savored, appreciated, and treasured.  Brennan Manning wrote about the incomprehensibility of grace to the American mindset.

    My life is a witness to vulgar grace — a grace that amazes as it offends. A grace that pays the eager beaver who works all day long the same wage as the grinning drunk who shows up at ten till five. A grace that hikes up the robe and runs breakneck toward the prodigal reeking of sin and wraps him up and decides to throw a party, no ifs, ands, or buts. A grace that raises bloodshot eyes to a dying thief’s request — “Please, remember me” — and assures him, “You bet!”…This vulgar grace is indiscriminate compassion. It works without asking anything of us. It’s not cheap. It’s free, and as such will always be a banana peel for the orthodox foot and a fairy tale for the grown-up sensibility. Grace is sufficient even though we huff and puff with all our might to try and find something or someone that it cannot cover. Grace is enough…

    Indeed.

    My old nature screams that people who make bad decisions over and over get what they “deserve.” They don’t “deserve” to be pursued and loved and restored. They made their bed—now let them lie in it. But there is a small quiet voice in my heart that tells me that they have value. That they are loved by their Creator. And that voice asks who am I to decide who “deserves” anything? Did I “deserve” this amazing gift? The honest answer is no way. Remembering that amazing grace bestowed makes it way easier to love and treat kindly that person who disagrees with you.

    Would you open the outrageous gift of grace and accept it as a mind blowing outpouring of love from a Father who delights in you? Grace doesn’t make sense. Grace is outrageous. And the amazing thing I find over and over is this simple truth. Grace changes hearts. It is the word the church in America needs to model more than ever. We are given inexhaustible grace. We have more than enough to share.

  • The Gift of Being Present

    The Gift of Being Present

    To celebrate the paperback release of Stay this week’s article is a free preview of one of my favorite chapters.

    Chapter 3 from STAY: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

    BE PRESENT– Journal Entry

    One reason Hannah is such a special friend is that she entered our lives during a difficult season when her human mom—my wife, Joni—was diagnosed with breast cancer. Hannah provided a comforting presence during a scary time. I found an anonymous quote that sums up one big reason why: “One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feeling blue is that she doesn’t try to find out why.”

    Hannah knew how to deal with people going through an emotionally and physically draining valley. Her solution was simple but powerful.

    Be present.

    It was just the unsolicited encouragement that Joni and I so needed at the time. When this cancer journey began, we learned a lot of hard lessons. One of the hardest to swallow was people’s reactions, how those close to us dealt with tragedy and illness. We had expectations of who would be there for us during the storm, but those expectations were rarely correct. Some people that we were sure would be steadfast became invisible. Others who we would have wagered the mortgage on to be constant encouragers became awkward and distant. When your expectations are met with inconsistent responses from friends and family, it can devastate your spirit and lead to despair.

    Although reasons were never given, I could guess why people struggled with our situation, based on the unique baggage they brought to their own story. Perhaps cancer made them fear their own mortality. Some acted as if cancer is contagious. Perhaps they worried they might say the wrong thing. Others might have felt pressure to make sense of a senseless situation or the need to figure out the spiritual reason for the trial, and when they had no answer to give us, they retreated. I understand all that now, but at the time it hurt.

    That’s what Hannah sensed. Her intuitive evaluation of my emotions was uncanny. Hannah would come to me and nudge me as if to say, “I’m here.” As she shifted her big brown eyes toward mine, her gaze communicated, “I don’t know how to help, but I wish I could.”

    There was incredible comfort in her presence.

    She was right. That was all I needed—presence. When Joni was sick with cancer, all we needed from friends and fellow followers of Jesus was caring presence.

    The theology of why bad things happen could wait. The go-to verse that “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28, KJV) could be explored when time gave perspective. You don’t need to explain or spiritualize trials. You need to be present and willing to walk with your friend or loved one in grace and love. Simple, yet incredibly powerful.

    Remember me mentioning Job and his suffering in the introduction? At first, Job’s friends were fantastic empathizers. When they simply sat with Job and grieved with him, I am sure he took comfort in these men who cared enough to be present. But then they decided to speak their piece. They resorted to the familiar default mode of needing to “figure out” what Job did to trigger his suffering. They tried to explain what they could not understand.

    We had a few “Job friends” in our cancer journey. God was faithful to provide caring people to walk with Joni and me. We thanked Him for those He prompted to love us, instead of wondering why others were not there. That was a spiritual turning point for us.

    During Joni’s cancer, Hannah obviously had no idea why we were sad. She had no more understanding of Joni’s disease than she would later have of her own prognosis. But she could sense our sorrow and she was present in the moment.

    Joni’s breast cancer treatment included surgery and a year of chemotherapy followed by weeks of radiation. We joked about our weekly dates at the “Slow-Drip Spa,” but there was not much humor to be found in the aftermath of those sessions. Joni fought nausea and her plummeting white blood cell counts were dangerously low, compromising her recovery. One day after we returned home from Joni’s chemotherapy session, she went straight to the bedroom, exhausted, to try to sleep off the nausea. I sat on the couch in our living room staring at nothing as I tried to process all that Joni was going through.

    Hannah sensed my sadness but wasn’t sure what to do. She walked by, looked at me, picked up a tennis ball, and brought it to me. I could see a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. I imagined a thought bubble appearing over her head with the message, “Would this help make you less sad?”

    I tossed the ball to her, but she did not play with the normal zeal that she had during our games of catch.

    This day Hannah caught the ball, calmly brought it back, and gently dropped it in my lap. It was as if she was doing this for me and not her. She was giving me a few moments of respite from my fears. I don’t recall another time that she played in that way.

    I agree with Martin Luther’s thoughts: “The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made his greatest gifts the commonest.”

    I think God has given us a model of walking, breathing grace in these amazing creatures.

    The empathetic instinct to pain that my friend Hannah possesses can be a template for how I can be present with God. There are times when my baggage or fear causes me to be awkward and distant from God. I am not sure what to say or even if God wants to deal with my weak faith again. I am tempted to talk bravely as if nothing is wrong. But my heart is crying out in pain. God comforts me in the brave talking, but He rushes toward the crying of my soul. I think that is what the apostle Paul is describing in Romans, assuring us that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf when we are too anguished to even find words:

    The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. – Romans 8:26-27

    The Holy Spirit senses our hearts and literally interprets our anguish to the Father. God desires that we simply be present with Him. We don’t need to pray eloquent psalms of petition. We simply put our heads in the lap of Abba Father and say, “I’m here.” And isn’t it interesting that it is in this very intimate context of submission and tender dependence on the Holy Spirit that the oft-quoted phrase about how “all things work together for good” occurs?

    The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. – Romans 8:26-28, emphasis added

    We isolate the verse about “everything working for good” from its context and throw it out as “comfort” for those who are suffering. Paul says that God is with us in our suffering, not just for one specific event, but for all of the trials we will face in our lives. All of them will be ultimately redeemed for those who love God.

    The purpose of our trials is not necessarily to have things work out neatly, according to our desires. Romans 8:29 says, “God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son.” God chose believers to become like His Son. All of these trials together will cause us to become more like Jesus. That may or may not mean a particular event will work out well. How often have we wounded a hurting soul with our shallow spiritualizing when he or she just needed a friend?

    It starts with being present, a lesson well taught by my friend Hannah. She gave me a clear example of being present when your friend is hurting. Just be present. Not all-knowing. Not awkwardly fumbling for words. Simply present. Learning to be present for a friend or a loved one is a precious skill. Henri Nouwen captures this heart of friendship well.

    “When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.”

    Henri Nouwen

    Tonight I got into bed late, and Hannah got up from her comfy bed and walked to my side. Maybe she needed my presence. Maybe she sensed my need for a therapeutic ear scratch. I suspect the truth is that both of us had needs that were met by that simple action of presence and affection. That is how it works when we drop our fears and selfishness to make ourselves lovingly present in a loved one’s pain. It is therapeutic for everyone involved.

    During Joni’s difficult cancer trial we learned that the peace that surpasses all understanding is real. We lived it and we got through a very trying year by leaning on each other, great doctors, good friends, God’s grace, and lots of Hannah nuzzles.