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I wrote this for my niece a few years ago. Perhaps there is a student you can share it with.

1.    I wish I had known that my high school years did not define me for life

My teen years were a mixed bag of memorable highs and incredible lows. Now I realize that I am grateful for what I once considered some of the worst moments of my life. In many of those spiritual valleys you could not have begun to convince me that God was molding me or that those experiences could ever be of value.

I have developed a heart of compassion for those who are wounded. Why? God gave me the privilege of being wounded early in my life. That sounds crazy as I read back over that last sentence. But I can now see that my struggles as an overweight, geeky and often outcast adolescent molded my heart to empathize with those who are hurt and ostracized by their peers.

Had I been the coolest guy or the best athlete I most likely would not have developed a sensitive spirit to others. With the benefit of hindsight I can promise you that I am grateful for every refining difficulty and problem. High school did not define who I would become and it does not define you either.

2.     I wish I had known that every person is created in God’s image…and He loves them just as much as He loves me

Sparky Anderson, a former Cincinnati Reds manager, once said that “you can never go wrong being classy.” And you can never go wrong being kind to everyone. Sometimes you will be tempted to ridicule or tease those who are less attractive, intelligent, gifted, or cool. Don’t do it. When you go to a high school reunion many years later you learn an eye-opening truth. Some of those high school “losers” are the “winners” now. They have wonderful families and lives. Some of the kids I was desperate to be like are still living off of moldy high school memories. High school is the start of a very long journey. Some people seem to be leading the life race coming out of high school turn but there is a long way to go. The real winners know that life is a marathon and that God has a plan for that long race. Be kind to everyone. Jesus loves them. And so should you.

3.    I wish I had known in high school that I needed to take responsibility for my own actions

Learn now to say these three sentences.

I was wrong.
I am sorry.
Forgive me.

And keep your “but” out of those statements. Don’t say “I was wrong ‘but’ I didn’t think it would hurt you” or “I am sorry ‘but’ I was having a bad day.”  Those are not real apologies. Take responsibility. Live with integrity. That will make you unique in this culture!

4. I wish I had known that God had a plan for my life

Every person has a God-designed destiny whether they believe it or not. Henri Nouwen wrote about living with that frame of mind.
We seldom realize fully that we are sent to fulfill God-given tasks. . . . We act as if we were simply dropped down in creation and have to decide how to entertain ourselves until we die. But we were sent into the world by God, just as Jesus was. Once we start living our lives with that conviction, we will soon know what we were sent to do.

Living out of who you are is liberating. The apostle Paul had some thoughts about such a life when he wrote to the church at Ephesus.
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:8-10, NLT)
Think about that! You were rescued from the death of sin by grace. It was a gift that could not be earned. And you are a new creation, indeed a masterpiece for whom good things were planned from the beginning of time. How can followers of Jesus possibly have self-image issues? When we believe the lies.

5.  I wish I had known that the most important decision I will ever make is who or what I worship

Everyone one worships something or someone. It can be money or power or fame or popularity or another person. We have a deep yearning to find our purpose and significance. If you don’t find that identity and significance in Christ you will tend to fill it with wrong things. Often those things are not inherently bad. But they can become bad things when they become the focus instead of Jesus. We used to sing a camp song with these lyrics..

Seek ye first the kingdom of God
And His righteousness
And all these things shall be added unto you

There is nothing wrong with these “things” when you seek the kingdom of God first.

6)  I wish I had known that God’s grace is the key to freedom

In high school I learned quite clearly that my performance was the key to my acceptance. I transferred that belief to my relationship with God. That was a spiritual stumbling block until I learned the remarkable truth of God’s grace. I finally learned that it was Jesus’ performance for me that makes me accepted by God and not my good behavior for Him.

Grace allows me to quit trying to be righteous and actually begin to be righteous as I focus on the One who gave me the gift of grace. Grace allows me to deal with sin instead of trying to manage and rationalize it. Grace is real and powerful. It is not weak or cheap. If you think grace is cheap, go to the foot of the cross, look up, and see what grace price was paid for every person on earth. Grace should never be my cover for sin. Instead grace is my only hope to deal with it. Grace makes me tremble when I think of an almighty and powerful God who loved someone unlovable like me. Why would He give such a gift to an unworthy child? And how could I be comfortable taking advantage of that amazing grace? I cannot. I pray that I will not. Grace is compelling. I want it to be compelling in my life as well. Real grace works. Love grace with abandon.
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.
(Ephesians 2:8, NLT)

Taken from Stay by Dave Burchett copyright © 2015. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.

I pray you will consider these humble observations wherever you are in your journey.

Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace makes a great gift for your graduate. You can read the first chapter free by clicking here.

This is an article I wrote twelve years ago when Joni was going through chemotherapy for Her2 Positive breast cancer. She is a proud survivor and I am re-posting this for my wonderful niece Deb and others who are going through this trial.

Last night I had the weird privilege of helping clip off the rest of my bride’s hair that was falling out from the chemotherapy. As I reflected on that moment later I realized that nearly everything I knew about beauty when I was 25 years old was wrong. Like most men I looked for appearance first and then tried to find some good qualities. Joni was a stunningly beautiful woman when I fell in love with her over thirty years ago.  I have often said that I married my trophy wife first and got it over with. I also joke that I married her to deepen my gene pool. And she has done that admirably. One of the ironies of this cancer journey is remembering how much I loved Joni’s long hair in the early years of our relationship. In fact I was unhappy when she cut it a few years into our marriage without discussing it first. Her hair was a real part of her beauty in my stunted male view of what beauty in a woman means.

To be completely honest I wondered how I would react when the chemo therapy had its inevitable effect and she would be bald. Oh, I knew I would say the right things. I am not that stupid. But how would I react inside? Would it matter more than I cared to admit? And that is when I realized how much God has been working over the years. He has been retooling my thinking and my heart. Patiently. Quietly. Lovingly.

Joni’s hair began to give up while I was on a recent trip. She decided to get the buzz cut while I was gone. So I walked in the door and she, in typical Joni fashion asked, “Want to see my head?” When I did I realized what God has been doing over the years to a shallow and selfish guy. He has been changing me and what I perceive to be beautiful. Because the truth is that Joni is as beautiful to me today as she was with that long, shining hair thirty years ago. That is because I am learning what beauty in a woman really looks like.

Some days are better than others. I am grateful for the days when the sparkle returns to her beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes are the windows to a soul that has more depth than I could ever achieve. She is remarkable. She is my hero. Her faith inspires me. Her smile still lights up the room. I treasure each moment that I can make her laugh. The sound of her laughing is like a symphony to me. I have learned that beauty is so much more than what the world and testosterone ridden young men (or older men) think it is. Beauty is a package. One part physical to be sure. But beauty in the covenant of marriage is also emotional and spiritual.  When I fell in love with Joni I just thought I was marrying a foxy lady. I was really too stupid to know I was marrying a gift from God. The classic description of a Godly woman from Proverbs 31 fits her pretty well.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life…

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

I married an amazing women. Right now she happens to be bald…and so very beautiful.

I received a lot of feedback from a post suggesting that we make faith entirely too complicated. Jesus didn’t say figure out every theological jot and tittle. (Note to spiritual hall monitors: there is an important place for that discipline. No all caps comments please)

Jesus didn’t say, “Go and clean up your act, and I will deem you a worthy follower.”

He didn’t say, “Browbeat yourself and others into behaving better in order to earn the badge of righteousness.”

Jesus didn’t say,  “Try harder, be more disciplined, and I will be pleased with you.”

He simply said,
“Follow me.”

Not once. Pretty regularly.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” (Matthew 4:19)

Jesus told him, “Follow me.” (Matthew 8:22)

[Jesus said,] “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
(Matthew 16:24)

[Jesus answered,] “Come, follow me.”  (Matthew 19:21)

Finding Philip, he said to him, “Follow me.” (John 1:43)

[Jesus replied,] “Whoever serves me must follow me.” (John 12:26)

“Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him. (Matthew 9:9)

In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “I’m not a smart man.” But I have a keen sense of the obvious. Jesus is saying to follow Him. That takes childlike trust on my part. The rest of it we will figure out together as I follow Him in complete trust. I am, even if you are kind in your evaluations, a slow learner. I cannot believe how long it took me to even begin to understand God’s grace and how much freedom that gives me. But to begin to live out of that truth, I had to trust it.

It starts by having no fear when Jesus asks me to follow Him. When He says, “Follow Me,” the response should be simple.

“Let’s go.”

Excerpted from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

Recently our family was rocked to hear that my wonderful, kind, beautiful niece Debbie would be fighting a difficult battle in the months to come. When she heard the words bladder cancer she had the predictable responses of shock, fear, and sadness. Here is what I love about this woman. She took in the news, processed it, determined that she would fight with every ounce of strength she possessed and made it known that she was trusting God. Deb adopted a verse from Isaiah for the difficult road ahead.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

This past week Debbie enjoyed a family beach getaway as she prepared for battle. Debbie knelt down and wrote this in the sand.

I loved the imagery of writing these words of trust on the sand canvas of God’s creation. But it also reminded me that soon the waves and tide would wash away those words. Each day will require a commitment from Deb to the truth that God is always present in her trial. Each day we, as the community who love her, will join in prayer and encouragement for Debbie and others we love that are fighting battles.

When Joni went through her cancer journey we adopted a song from Casting Crowns.

The lyrics are a powerful reminder of who God is and that He is always there. I can’t explain why things happen. I have learned in my years of following Jesus that He does not let suffering go in vain. He brings beauty out of ashes. When I cannot see how any good can come out of a trial I trust my Abba Father in faith. Believe me I don’t always “feel” that but I can move forward in faith because I have seen over and over how God redeems trials and that He is our hope in the storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth

Peter talked about the inevitability of suffering. I love that he wrapped up that reality check with an incredible promise of hope.

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation. (1 Peter 5, NLT)

That is a promise that we can hold onto during the storm. Jesus meets us there and not in theory. He suffered. He agonized with God the Father. He knows the human condition. He has already been there. When you have nowhere else to turn but to Jesus you find out that you should have turned to Him first all along.

I am trusting that promise from 1 Peter for my dear niece Debbie today. I would be honored if you felt led to join Team Deb in this battle by praying for her and her family. This remarkable women has a big heart and she is trusting a bigger God. I am looking forward to a not too distant day when Debbie can share with joy how her faith won over fear.

I was introduced to Christianity in a church that put a legalistic leash on my behavior. By strict rules they believed they could force me to live a holy life. You can imagine how that worked out for a teenager in the sixties. Our denomination reminded me of characters from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. We did not have the dreaded knights who said, “Ni” but we definitely had the dreaded pastors who said, “No.”

I’m certain there were several volumes filled with things that were forbidden and, not surprisingly, most of them were man-made rules. Here is a sample platter of no-no’s I was asked to follow.

NO movies. (Might have been in violation)
NO drinking. (Too young so I got holiness points for this one)
NO mixed swimming. (I kid you not)
NO television. (The temptation of Mr Ed, The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction was too strong)
NO cards. (More holiness points)
NO rock-and-roll music. (Definitely in violation)
NO smoking. (Nailed this one)
NO slacks for women.
NO long hair for men. (Deduct holiness points)
NO makeup for women.

I remember asking my grandmother what she thought about the no makeup law. She smiled and gave this memorable reply. “If the barn needs a coat of paint I think you should paint it.” She was my first dispenser of grace.

It’s not surprising that it took me a long time to figure out freedom in Christ. Ironically, there are a few verses that strongly emphasized the word “no” in the New Testament that our marauding moralists somehow overlooked. For example, this little “no” verse would have come in handy (capitalization and italics added for emphasis).

There is NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2, NLT

That would have been a refreshing mist of grace to our parched flock. Or how about these “NO” verses?

This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is NO fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:17-19, NIV

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There is NO commandment greater than these. Mark 12:30-31, NIV

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps NO record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, NLT

I have been crucified with Christ and I NO longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Galatians 2:20-21, NIV

That is a very different “no” list than the first one.

NO condemnation.

NO fear.

NO commandment greater than to love God and your neighbor.

NO record of wrongdoing when you love one another.

NO longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.

I can be holy because of Christ and not because of my anguished rule keeping. There is joy and freedom in that second list.

NO kidding.

Parts of this article excerpted from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

The grand kids love the spectacular optical effects of 3D movies. They feel like they can reach out and touch the images floating right in front of them. It takes sophisticated film techniques and amazing creative talent to produce these stunning results. But there is one component that is essential to seeing all of the beauty, magic and wonder of a 3D film. A special pair of glasses that cost a few pennies make the millions of dollars of 3D production come to life.

During one spectacular nature scene we were surrounded by a flock of birds. We fought the instinct to duck as they came flying right at us. Then I took off the glasses and the magic was gone. The image was blurry and flat. There was nothing special about the images without the 3D lens.

There is another lens we can put on that changes everything. It is the lens of grace. The lens of grace doesn’t cost even a few pennies. That ability to see others as Christ sees us was paid in full on the Cross. This  lens is completely free and always available. When we put on the lens of grace we can see the beauty, magic and wonder in a world that often seems blurry, angry, and confused.

When I put on the lens of grace I see my relationship with Jesus in full and guilt free clarity. I see Jesus standing at my side and explaining that I am completely changed. I see Him telling me that my sins are forgiven and I can quit relitigating past mistakes. I see Him explaining to me that all of those things that used to be true about me are no longer true. I see Him repeating that, because I tend to nod my head without really believing it. Jesus explains to me that no matter what the accuser might say, those things that used to define me are dead and buried at the Cross. I see Jesus telling me that I have the Holy Spirit to comfort me and provide an unshakable source of strength.

He reminds me gently that I don’t have to grit my teeth and try harder to win favor and please Him. He tells me for the ten thousandth time that sin does not have power over me anymore. And I see His demeanor being just as patient and kind as the first time He told me that truth.

And putting on the lens of grace changes how I see others in remarkable ways. Looking through that lens reminds me that I am the Prodigal son who bowed before the Father with nothing to other.

Yet the Father ran to forgive me when I acknowledged my sin and need. While I was still dirty and clothed in filthy garments of sin, I was forgiven, accepted, justified, and wrapped in the robe of righteousness. I was no longer condemned. Satan would have me forget that the robe of righteousness is wrapped lovingly around me. The author of lies reminds me (constantly) that I still wear dirty clothing. He suggests that I don’t deserve to wear the robe until I clean myself up. That is the power of this story. The robe of righteousness is never earned. It is a gift of  grace. Even on my worst day the Father wraps me up in this precious garment because of His Son, Jesus.

How differently I would live if I remembered that truth every day. I am a saint. I am wrapped in the robe of righteousness. I am a new creature who is forgiven, accepted, and cloaked in this incomprehensible gift of grace. Even in my failure Jesus loves me anyway and just as much.

The more I understand the depth of grace the more I am compelled to give grace generously and freely to a hurting world. If I am receiving grace, I must also give it. If I welcome the generous gift of grace, I must become more generous. If I accept the gift of forgiveness, I must forgive. If I marvel at God’s unfailing love, I must also love others. Through the lens of grace I seek to understand instead of condemning. I see those irritating people as children of God seeking the same dose of love and grace that I need everyday. And yes, the lens of grace keeps me from hating those who oppose me and allows me to pray for them.

The lens of grace reminds me of my mission.

My life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—
the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. (Acts 20:24, NLT)

The lens of grace changes everything. I just need to remember to put them on.

(Parts of this article were excerpted from Waking Up Slowly: Spiritual Lessons from My Dogs, Kids, Critters, and Other Unexpected Places)

What if we are stubbing our toes on the sacred every day and not realizing it?

That is one of the taglines promoting my book Waking Up Slowly. The book suggests that we are the most connected culture in history but arguably the most disconnected from the awareness of God’s presence. I examine twenty-one different attitudes and actions that cause me to miss the sacred moments that I believe can be found in every day.

But like the believers of the early church at Galatia I have an amazing ability to forget what I have learned (and written). Paul could have addressed this to me in recent weeks.

You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for He is the one who called you to freedom. (Galatians 5:7-8, NLT)

I run along smoothly for a day. Sometimes two. Then I forget who I am. Not my actual name. I generally can recall that. I forget who I am in Christ. I forget that God has my back and my future. I fret about silly things. The answer to Paul’s question about who has held me back from the truth is simple and convicting. That would be me.

And then I get a postcard from God in the most unexpected way.

During our annual beach trip to Gulf Shores, Alabama I was wading in the Gulf with daughter-in-law Holly and almost two-year-old Madeline. Nestled in her Mom’s arms she giggled when the waves crashed around her. Suddenly we heard this frightening bombshell from Madeline.

“Paci…wawa!”

Her beloved pacifier had fallen into the Gulf. Parents and Grandparents know this moment of abject panic and Madeline was predictably unhappy. I began frantically searching for it but Holly assured me there was a backup and a backup to the backup at the house.

I decided to go to edge of the surf anyway and see if it might wash ashore. Nothing. A few minutes went by and I gave up the search. I walked a few yards down the beach and explained the story to our neighbors.

“If you happen to see a pacifier wash up on the beach you can be the hero of the week! We are in the yellow house over there.”

They laughed and we chatted a bit more. I started to leave with this line.

“If Jonah’s whale spits up the pacifier let us know.”

As I turned to rejoin the family I looked down. To my sheer amazement I saw  this incredible sight two feet from my two feet.

I am not proud of my reaction.

“I think that is her pacifier,” I said knowingly as if pacifiers routinely roll in with the tide and I had to double check to make sure this one was hers. The couple was amazed. A young man in his twenties had been listening to the exchange and he responded with the most honesty.

“How the H*** did that happen?”

I just laughed. I had an idea that God had just sent a postcard to his forgetful child in the most playful way. I had written from Psalm 139 that God knows everything about me. That He is everywhere I am. And that God ordains everything about me.

What are the odds of a pacifier depositing itself two feet from me on the beach several minutes after it went in the drink? By the way, the current was very strong that day. I know it is possible. I know that some will write it off to coincidence. I am choosing to believe that a loving Father decided to have some fun with His child. The God who created the Heavens and earth can no doubt direct a little piece of plastic to a predestined destination. I don’t mean to compare my little water miracle to the deliverance of the children of Israel but I can proclaim His greatness.

“Who is like you among the gods, O Lord—
glorious in holiness,
awesome in splendor,
performing great wonders?  (Exodus 15, NLT)

You should have seen the look on Holly’s face when I returned with the treasure. Even better was the joy on Madeline’s countenance. She may not get the theology yet but she sure understands gratitude.

Call it luck if you wish. I call it something else. A postcard from God.

Join me on a journey to become more connected to God and one another.