Theodore Roosevelt shared great wisdom when he said that “comparison is the thief of joy”. Losing joy is what inevitably happens when you play the no win game of comparisons. We all do it and comparisons are poison to the soul. We either compare to someone doing better than us and feel downcast or compare ourselves to someone failing and feel better. Sometimes we even secretly wish they would fail so we can feel better about our own efforts.
In Psalm 139 we read how God uniquely wove our DNA together to create the one and only me and the one and only you. He knew us before we were formed and He has ordained our days. Paul’s message to the Ephesians gets a fresh take in The Message.
It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Ephesians 1:11-12, The Message)
We are not an accident. We have a purpose in God’s plan. We have a role in God’s overall purpose. And we have unique talents as a gift of grace.
For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 1:9)
Each one of us is unique and needed in God’s community. But we often don’t feel or live that way. Part of the problem is comparing our talents and gifts to others. There is a long list of gifts I wish I had. Musical talent. Athletic ability. Handy man skills. But I am uniquely me and I am needed in the Body of Christ for it to be complete. And so are you.
Being content with who you are really is a heart issue grounded in the truth of who we are according to Scripture. How I wish that I could see myself as God sees me. Because of what Christ did in my behalf God sees me as a saint. Forgiven. Cleansed of sin. Valuable. Needed.
What I often see is the same old failure that can’t play a musical instrument, fix anything or live as consistently as I desire for God.
My fears about my shortcomings are confirmed when I log into Facebook and Instagram and see the smiling perfection of others. We are psychologically wired toward comparisons and social media is exactly the wrong medicine for that predisposition. Writer Steven Furtick pegs the problem with social media comparison.
“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
We see those smiling families and think they are experiencing some alternate life that has eluded us. I often quote my friend Bruce McNicol who said “there are no together people…just some people with whiter teeth”. His point is well-taken. Through hiddenness and acting you can present the “perfect” and “together” Christian. We feel the need to show others we are doing fine lest we show spiritual weakness.
But the fellowship of believers should be the one place where honesty is encouraged. Where shortcomings ought to be accepted. Church should be the place where you can say without fear, “I am struggling, I hurt, I need help.”
I know that too many have been wounded by unsafe places and that breaks my heart. But there are rooms of grace that exist. Don’t give up. Please.
My fear is that we have created a culture where we feel there is something wrong with us if we are hurting. If I am struggling I must be doing something wrong spiritually. Shouldn’t God meet this need? What is wrong with me? The fact that God created us with a desire to be in community tells me that part of His plan is for us to be helped by other members of the body of Christ. But we think we are falling short when we are actually comparing ourselves to people who are not being real.
Anne Lamott weighs in with her unvarnished honesty.
“Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.”
Being broken, clingy, scared and screwed up is spiritual soil prep for the seed of grace to grow.
Can we trust Jesus enough to drop the perfection ruse? Can we trust him enough to be authentic? Not needy and demanding. Just honest and real in community and, of course, with Him.
Look up the “one another” verses in the Bible. Here is an example from Hebrews (10:24, NIV):
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
So when someone in the body achieves or creates something that you wish you had accomplished don’t shrink in comparison. Approach them. Celebrate them. Thank God for their contribution to the body. And remember that you have a vital part in this plan.
I am not sure if writer John Mason had a Biblical worldview in mind when he wrote these words but he is theologically spot on. “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” We are uniquely and completely designed for our role in the body. Don’t try to imitate another part.
If you are not sure that you are important in God’s plan then you are not hearing His voice on the matter. You are. I pray you will believe and live out of that amazing truth today.
