Charisa Stories

Tag: control

  • The Folly of Trying to be in Control

    The Folly of Trying to be in Control

    You see t-shirts and signs that proclaim that I am the master of my destiny. Slogans like these sounded really empowering.

    “If it is to be, it is up to me”

    “If you can dream it you can achieve it”

    I agree that having a good attitude and determination is important. But sometimes my life experience is more accurately described by the great boxer and philosopher Mike Tyson.

    “Everyone has a plan ’til they get punched in the mouth”

    Yep. Well said Mike. No matter how much I may plan my life I will face the inevitable “punches” in the mouth that life delivers. No amount of efforts to control my life will prevent illness. I do not have control over every relationship in my life. I cannot keep those I care about from making bad decisions. I cannot control unforeseeable circumstances that impact those I love. Just last week I had a couple of Mike Tyson moments.

    James warns about the folly of thinking that we are in control.

    Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil. (James 4:13-16, NLT)

    The one thing we can be sure of is that we have trials and heartaches in this journey. The question I must answer is how will I deal with the inevitable? I pondered the answer to that question in my book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.

    One person responds to tragedy with deeper faith. Another turns from God in anger, perhaps never to return. What is the difference? Perhaps this parable that Jesus related in Matthew’s Gospel offers the biggest clue. When the storm hits, what matters most is the foundation that you have built your faith upon.

    Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.  (Matthew 7:24-27)

    I have dealt with loss by relying on both types of foundations. My early theology was built on the shifting sand of self-effort and discipline. When the storm came, my “house of faith” collapsed like a house of cards. When I began to build on a foundation of identity and trusting who God is, my house of faith weathered the storm without being destroyed. The storm battered me full force, but the house stood.

    What is that foundation made of? I would suggest that these are the foundation stones.

    God is all powerful.

    God is all knowing.

    God is love.

    God is holy.

    God is good.

    God is just.

    God is righteous.

    God is grace.

    God is sovereign.

    God is unchanging.

    God is joy.

    God is forgiving.

    God is truth.

    God is patient.

    If the Gospel message is true—and I believe it is—then God says to trust Him when we face trials. His ways are not our ways, and His timing is certainly not ours, but His love is real and faithful.

    Excerpt from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

    Today I choose to stand on that foundation. I am not in control but I am confident in the One who is. To quote the old hymn that my dad loved so much.

    Many things about tomorrow
    I don’t seem to understand
    But I know Who holds tomorrow
    And I know Who holds my hand

    Order your copy of Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.

  • Lessons from Covid Class

    Lessons from Covid Class

    Life is full of wonderful moments and blessings. Life also has it’s share of dark valleys and scary storms. None of us gets out of this life unscathed. In the valleys of my life I have taught myself to step back and ask this question. What can God teach me in this trial about Him or about myself?

    This seemingly never ending Covid pandemic has been rife with lessons.

    Lesson #1

    Control freaks have learned a really hard truth from Covid-19. It doesn’t matter one whit how much money, power, or prestige you had accumulated by March of 2020 because Covid rudely stole your ability to control your life. It is funny to search the term “control freak” on the internet and find that so many people try to paint being a controlling person as a positive. I have worked with control freaks and I can tell you the experience for those around them is not pleasant. It is a suffocating and deflating leadership style.

    Quotes about Control freaks (69 quotes)

    This is a particularly distressing trait for followers of Jesus. I think this unpredictable virus exposed a lot of us. We said we trusted God. We wore t-shirts that boldly proclaimed Faith over Fear. But having our health, financial security, and fellowship with others threatened rocked our faith to the core. The only honest reaction is no matter how hard we try to control things we simply cannot. Only God is in control and our attempts to think otherwise is fool’s gold. Author Wayne Dyer said this about the folly of control.

    “It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there’s nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.”

    I have seen that truth played out over and over during this season. People of faith are immobilized by fear and worry. I am not diminishing one iota the reality or seriousness of this virus. I am saying that the One in ultimate control will get me through this crisis just like He has been at my side through every other one. Jesus promised He would be steadfast and present in every moment. Covid has not changed that truth.

    “My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them real and eternal life. They are protected from the Destroyer for good. No one can steal them from out of my hand. The Father who put them under my care is so much greater than the Destroyer and Thief. No one could ever get them away from him. I and the Father are one heart and mind.” (John 10:27-30, The Message)

    I am not in control. Never have been. Never will be. It is nice to know that the one thing I can control is my eternal destiny in Christ.

    Lesson # 2

    We really, really, really need one another. Virtual replaced actual contact and at first that seemed okay. The dictionary definition of virtual is revealing.

    adjective: virtual

    1. almost or nearly as described, but not completely or according to strict definition.

    The key word in that description is ALMOST. Virtual is not the same as real contact. The Zoom meetings and Skype calls only vaguely resemble actual interaction and I was surprised at how quickly that substitute failed to satisfy my need for fellowship.

    God designed us for human relationships when He proclaimed it is not good for us to be alone. Adam didn’t come up with that idea. It was the creator who knew how His creation was wired.

    Henri Nouwen brilliantly summarized the need for community.

    “Christian community is the place where we keep the flame of hope alive among us and take it seriously so that it can grow and become stronger in us.”

    Covid extinguished that flame. We lost that comforting touch or reassuring facial expression that helped fan the flame of hope. Losing community was a bigger deal than most of us imagined. Peter wrote about suffering and even the prospect of the final days. I find it interesting that Peter made this the most important task in those dire circumstances.

    “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8, NLT)

    We can do that. We can’t control our circumstances. But we can express love through phone calls, messages, and safely distanced encounters. Knowing that you are loved and missed helps a lot. Whenever a person comes to mind send a text or drop a note. You never know how much that brief time detour might mean to someone.

    Lesson #3

    We need to be patient with all of the different responses our fellow sojourners have to this pandemic. This is the hard one for me. There are some really judgmental and harsh indictments of people who view how we should address this virus differently. I really believe that most of us are trying to do the right thing in a very confusing sea of conflicting information. So I default to Paul’s words to the church at Colossae when I feel frustration with some folks responses.

    Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:13-17, NLT)

    If I marinate in that passage it seems that my judgment and frustration melt away allowing grace to bubble up. Those are my lessons from Covid. What have you learned?