Charisa Stories

Tag: ephesians 4:32

  • The Miracle of My Mom’s Parting Gift

    If my Mom was born in today’s world I have no doubt she would have flourished with her strong, independent, and intelligent personality. But life for women in the 40’s and 50’s was limiting and I would guess a bit frustrating at times.

    I loved my Mom but our relationship was often challenging. She was raised in a family where love was not openly expressed. She could be negative and her comments often impacted me. I knew that she loved me fiercely but I will admit that I grieved for a more gracious expression of her love.

    As her health declined I prayed that her relationship with God would be clear to her and to her family. In the summer of 2006 I journeyed to Ohio to visit her. A group of Christian friends in Texas told me they would pray that I could discuss salvation with my Mom. I thanked them for their concern but in my heart I felt they were naive. They did not know my Mom. 

    Fast forward a few days as I am sitting with her. The conversation was mundane. Out of nowhere she dropped this bombshell.

    “How can you be sure that you are going to heaven?”

    You could have knocked me over with a feather and I immediately thought of those saints in Texas praying for exactly this moment. And I felt a bit of shame because I was the naive one who doubted the power of prayer. I shared the gospel with my Mom. She assured me that she had trusted Christ as her Savior. The next question was nearly as surprising.

    “What if you trusted Christ but haven’t lived it?”

    Wow. What do you say to that? I chose to tell her the truth. That she was always a child of God but she had likely forfeited some joy by not walking more consistently with Him. She had likely missed chances to serve and probably many blessings the Lord had desired her to experience. Still, there was a nagging question in my mind that I lacked the courage to address. I knew there were people who had hurt my Mom deeply and she had showed no signs of forgiveness. I was fairly certain she would take that bitter anger to her grave but I knew that was forgiven by the grace of God.

    But Mom took those comments about living for Jesus to heart. She chose to live for Him with the rest of her days. She told my niece that she had prayed more in the last year than she had in her whole life. She regularly asked me to pray for her and told me she was praying for me and especially for Joni as my bride battled breast cancer.

    My Mom began to regularly tell me she loved me. That was something you didn’t say in her family. You were just supposed to know it. She told me she was sorry if she had hurt me with her words or actions. That was the first time I had heard those words from my Mom in 53 years. It was a powerful moment of grace and reconciliation between us. When I saw her the last time she kissed me and said, “you don’t know how much you mean to me.” But she was wrong. I finally did. 

    But the real miracle happened in her last days. My niece asked Mom about a woman she had felt so much bitterness and hatred toward. When I was told about her response the words sent chills through me.

    “Oh honey. That was in the past. I have forgiven her.”

    What irony that I have been writing about forgiveness and my Mom gave me a miracle of forgiveness as her final gift. Forgiveness can happen. It is never too late. For those who think they cannot forgive I will tell you that with God it is possible. I am saddened that my Mom is gone but I am rejoicing in her victory. She was able to lay her burdens at the foot of the Cross and pass unencumbered into the presence of the Lord. She finished her days living out this verse.

    “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
    ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    Seventeen Mother’s Days have gone by since she passed away. I praise God that I have not really lost my Mom.
    Nope.
    I know exactly where she is.

  • The Most Difficult Thing Jesus Asks of Us

    I think forgiveness is the most challenging thing Jesus commands us to do. I sometimes ignore God’s Word about forgiveness and whether someone “deserves” mercy. Scripture can be so annoying! Paul threw down this difficult challenge to the Ephesian church.

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

    That is a very tall order and one that is impossible to do without remembering how much I have been forgiven. If you say something nasty about me and ask for forgiveness, I will probably grant it. If you do it again and ask forgiveness, I might forgive you again. If you do the same thing again and ask forgiveness, I will most likely respond with skepticism and ask you to “prove” you are sorry.

    Yet that illustration is exactly what I do in my relationship with God every day. I have asked Him to forgive the same sin dozens, even hundreds of times. Still His Word tells me I am forgiven and He loves me just the same as the first time I confessed that sin. That is how God has forgiven me through Christ. I should respond accordingly to others, forgiving out of profound gratitude. Do you see any way around the obvious command to forgive? Me either.

     Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:13, NLT)

    Bottom line: we are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven. Forgiveness may well be the missing ingredient to the healing of most relationships. Forgive the one who wounded you. Forgive yourself and seek forgiveness if you are the one who wounded.

    I imagine Jesus’ heart is saddened by my stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness extended to me and, consequently, my refusal to lean on His power to forgive.

    The reality is that there is fear on the road to forgiveness whenever I take my eyes off of Christ. My heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff, or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds me gently that He understands. And it is the right thing to do, no matter how the other party responds.

    When I allow God to heal my heart and give me the power to forgive others the weight of the world is lifted off my soul. Sadly, too often, it is the road less taken. But it is the path that will make a difference in my (and your) journey with Jesus.

    Author Will Davis Jr. explains that forgiveness is a process empowered by taking the step of faith.

    “Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground of emotional recovery. Forgiveness is to your soul what antibiotics are to infection. It is the curative agent that will help to fully restore your soul. It doesn’t immediately remove the pain of the offense but it does start you on the road to recovery.”

    I really like that perspective. The decision to forgive initiates but does not complete healing. You and I will, in time, heal. But we will never get there without taking the first step of faith.

    I have spent a lot of unhappy moments not enjoying the freedom the Lord intended because I did not want to forgive someone who hurt me. I grieve to think of how I have stubbornly refused to forgive others for real and/or perceived slights over the years. I can imagine Jesus looking at me with sadness (not condemnation) because I have not fully comprehended the magnitude of the debt that has been erased from my account because of Him. If I cannot forgive, I have forgotten or never comprehended how much I have been forgiven.

    How quickly I forget. I forget how much I have been forgiven. I forget how much I am loved by Jesus. I forget that I am a brand new creation. I forget I am righteous because of the finished  work of Christ. I forget that there is no condemnation in Christ. I forget that I am a beloved child of God and He is for me. I forget that He has my back and He has me in His hand forever. I am forgetful.

    But thank God He does not forget His promises. I need to remember that today.

  • Is Performing the Best Path to Spiritual Growth?

    I learned growing up in a legalistic church that my eternal destiny was determined to a large extent by my performance. I had to be good. I had to do my part. The performance message was reinforced all around me in church and in life.

    If you eat your vegetables you can have dessert.
    If you are good you get toys at Christmas.
    If you get all A’s you will get a monetary reward.
    If you behave your parents will be proud of you.

    So I learned to perform to get rewards and affirmation. Performance addiction is easy in legalism because you always have someone willing (and extremely happy) to challenge how well you are doing and where you can improve. So I performed. I tried hard. Then harder. Like most performance addicts I got tired and sad and desperate. I was on the verge of accepting that this journey with Jesus is a lot of begrudging compliance. The supposed joy that I was promised was hard to find. Then something hit my heart and mind.

    Grace.

    I heard a message that I had probably heard before but my heart was prepared this time for the seed of freedom to flourish.

    Grace.

    I finally realized there is nothing I can personally do to improve my eternal odds. The work of Jesus on the Cross is finished. I am forgiven. The Biblical texts on forgiveness are past tense.

    Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32, NLT

    You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for He forgave all our sins. Colossians 2:13

    I am writing to you who are God’s children because your sins have been forgiven through Jesus. 1 John 2:12

    Jesus died for past, present and future sins. I used to agonize over unconfessed sin. What if I forgot something? What if I was unaware of some sin? What if I died with unresolved sin? I made it so hard when all along the eternally patient voice of Jesus was saying relax.
    “It is finished.”
    “My work on the Cross is complete and forever.”
    “You are forgiven once and for all.”

    I contribute nothing to that except my need for a Savior because of my sin.

    The uniqueness of grace for a follower of Christ is that God already knows everything about me (and you) and He loves us exactly the same on our best or worst day. Don’t rush past that truth for Christians.

    Read it again.

    God knows everything about you, and He loves you exactly the same on your best or worst day.

    I don’t have to fight a battle that has already been won. I can relax in the finished work of Christ.

    The answer to performance addiction can be found in two simple words.

    Jesus. Grace.

    Two more words come to mind every time I think of that gift.

    Praise God!

    When I realize all that I was given when I trusted Jesus as my Savior my entire attitude about serving Him changed. Remember that begrudging obligation I mentioned earlier? Now I serve Jesus out of profound gratitude. God will accomplish His plan on this earth whether I am willing or unwilling to serve Him. But what a joy it is to acknowledge the love and grace of God by willingly seeking to be a part of His plan. That approach to glorify God because of what Jesus did for you completely changes your motivation in the most wonderful way. I don’t have to work my way into His favor like I used to believe. I am already there because of Jesus.

    God loves me. I am His child forever. He sent His Son to save me. He gifted me with the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort me. I am actually righteous in the Father’s eyes because of Jesus. Are you telling me those truths don’t change your motivation to want to perform for Jesus? That recognition changed my world completely. Now I want to perform for Him out of love for the eternal hope I now possess.

  • The Key to Healthy Relationships

    I discovered a couple of years ago that a talented musician/producer/singer/songwriter from my hometown of Chillicothe, Ohio is my second cousin! Jerry Salley’s career in bluegrass, country, and gospel music has been remarkably successful.

    I am not sure how I missed knowing that but count me grateful I found out. His album, Bridges and Backroads, features a tribute to our mutual hometown of Chillicothe.

    One song resonates in my heart every time I listen to the album. Without Forgiveness opens during a wedding ceremony as the writer observes the starry-eyed love of a young couple. They are beginning a journey the lyricist knows will not always be idyllic. Relationships are hard and often messy. The chorus of the song sums up what that journey could look like if you choose the path of selfishness and pride.

    Without forgiveness,
    Life’s a long and empty road.
    Without forgiveness,
    We’d give up and just let go.

    I’ve had a long term and probably unhealthy envy of songwriters who can say more in a stanza that I can blabber out in a lengthy chapter. And this next lyric is powerful.

    Oh we never want to hurt each other,
    That’s just somethin’ that were gonna’ do

    We let often let relationships get away from us when we had no intention of wounding that person. Most of us bring baggage into relationships that can cause hurt. We can act out of childhood rejection and painful life experiences in ways we don’t even understand. But God has given us the tool to keep going.

    Forgiveness.

    Ruth Graham was once asked the key to making a marriage successful. Her insightful response was that “a great marriage is made up of two great forgivers.”

    The math is important there. It takes two great forgivers that understand this relational journey requires patience, love, grace, and forgiveness from both partners. Jerry Salley asks the question that many have had answered with heartbreaking results.

    And I hate to think what might become of me and you
    Without forgiveness

    There is a hope that is available to all of us. The song finishes by looking back to a blood stained hill on a Friday afternoon long ago. 

    People on a hillside stand there lookin’ up.
    To a Cross that says there’d be no hope for us,
    Without forgiveness

    That forgiveness from the finished work of our Lord Jesus Christ is the gift of grace that changes everything. 

    I imagine the heart of Jesus is saddened by our stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness as the primary power to help us forgive others.

    There is fear on that road to forgiveness when you take your eyes off of Christ. Your heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds us gently that He understands.

    When you break those chains of fear and allow God to heal your heart the weight of the world will lift off of your soul. It is a long road to forgiveness. Sadly, it is too often the road less taken. But it is the road that will make a difference in your journey with Jesus.

    Satan knows all too well how a world shown God’s love and grace would respond. So the enemy reminds us of grudges both real and enhanced. We turn from forgiveness because we decide our offender does not deserve it. There is no way I have found to release those grudges without the healing power of forgiveness. Author Will Davis wrote this powerful insight.

    “Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground of emotional recovery. Forgiveness is to your soul what antibiotics are to infection. It is the curative agent that will help to fully restore your soul. It doesn’t immediately remove the pain of offense but it does start you on the road to recovery.”

    I really like that perspective. The decision to forgive initiates but does not complete our healing. You will, in time, heal. I am asking you to pray that you can begin the healing process of forgiveness knowing that only time and God’s mercy can fully heal. That will start you down that road to forgiveness and empowerment to let go of the grudges that are weighing you down. You may not get there today or tomorrow. But you will never get there without taking the first step of faith. Paul reminds us that we have a powerful reason to be forgiving.

    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

    We have been forgiven. We did not deserve that gift. Without forgiveness life’s a long and empty road. It doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus offers forgiveness. Accept that gift and give it freely to others. It is a much happier road to travel.

  • Things I Can’t Afford to Forget

    I am always saddened by the all out sprint to judgement of people and institutions that make mistakes. It often seems the harshest comments come from people who ought to tap the brakes before they go there. These are folks that have made their own mistakes. Often they were offered second chances. My initial response was self-righteous indignation because, let’s be honest, I am good at that.

    Eventually the quiet voice of the Spirit reminds me that I have also been that guy who is quick to judge. I am that guy who tries to argue with God about forgiveness and whether someone “deserves” mercy. A little snippet from my book Stay addressed this very issue after Paul threw down an incredible statement to the Ephesian church.

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

    That is a very tall order and one that is impossible to do without remembering how much I have been forgiven. If you say something nasty about me and ask for forgiveness, I will almost certainly grant it. If you do it again and ask forgiveness, I will probably forgive you. If you do the same thing again and ask forgiveness, I will most likely respond ungraciously and ask you to “prove” you are sorry.

    Yet that illustration is exactly what I do in my relationship with God every day. I have asked Him to forgive the same sin dozens, even hundreds of times. Still His Word tells me I am forgiven and He loves me just the same as the first time I confessed that sin. That is how God has forgiven me through Christ. I should respond accordingly, forgiving each and every offense out of profound gratitude. Do you see any way around the obvious command to forgive? Me either.

    Bottom line: we are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven. Forgiveness may well be the missing ingredient to the healing of most relationships. Forgive the one who wounded you. Forgive yourself and seek forgiveness if you are the one who wounded. Perhaps your efforts will not result in reconciliation. That is sad but ultimately okay. What if the other person does not deserve to be forgiven? Consider Jesus as He looked down in agony from the cross.

    Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. (Luke 23:34, NLT)

    I can say with complete confidence that I have not endured the level of wounds, betrayal, mocking, and abuse that Jesus experienced. Yet He could look at those evil perpetrators and ask His Father to forgive them. That gives me some perspective. Perhaps my situations are forgivable, with His help and only with His help.

    I have spent a lot of unhappy moments not enjoying the freedom the Lord intended because I did not want to forgive someone who hurt me. I grieve to think of how I have stubbornly refused to forgive others for real and/or perceived slights over the years. I can imagine Jesus looking at me with sadness (not condemnation) because I have not fully comprehended the magnitude of the debt that has been erased from my account because of Him. I can hear Him saying,

    “Dave, when you choose to hold onto bitterness, you shortchange yourself on joy and peace.”

    If I cannot forgive, I have forgotten or never comprehended how much I have been forgiven.

    Taken from Stay by Dave Burchett copyright © 2015. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.

    How quickly I forget. I forget how much I have been forgiven. I forget how much I am loved by Jesus. I forget that I am a brand new creation. I forget I am righteous because of the finished  work of Christ. I forget that there is no condemnation in Christ. I forget that I am a beloved child of God and He is for me. I forget that He has my back and He has me in His hand forever. I am forgetful.

    But thank God He does not forget His promises. More than anything I need to not forget that today.

  • Forgiveness Does Not Appear To Be An Option

    Forgiveness Does Not Appear To Be An Option

    I think forgiveness is the most challenging thing Jesus commands us to do. I have tried to argue with God about forgiveness and whether someone “deserves” mercy.

    Scripture can be so annoying sometimes. Paul threw down an incredible statement to the Ephesian church.

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

    That is a very tall order and one that is impossible to do without remembering how much I have been forgiven. If you say something nasty about me and ask for forgiveness, I will almost certainly grant it. If you do it again and ask forgiveness, I will probably forgive you. If you do the same thing again and ask forgiveness, I will most likely respond ungraciously and ask you to “prove” you are sorry.

    Yet that illustration is exactly what I do in my relationship with God every day. I have asked Him to forgive the same sin dozens, even hundreds of times. Still His Word tells me I am forgiven and He loves me just the same as the first time I confessed that sin. That is how God has forgiven me through Christ. I should respond accordingly, forgiving each and every offense out of profound gratitude. Do you see any way around the obvious command to forgive? Me either.

    Bottom line: we are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven. Forgiveness may well be the missing ingredient to the healing of most relationships. Forgive the one who wounded you. Forgive yourself and seek forgiveness if you are the one who wounded. Perhaps your efforts will not result in reconciliation. That is sad but ultimately okay. What if the other person does not deserve to be forgiven? Consider Jesus as He looked down in agony from the cross.

    Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. (Luke 23:34, NLT)

    I can say with complete confidence that I have not endured the level of wounds, betrayal, mocking, and abuse that Jesus experienced. Yet He could look at those evil perpetrators and ask His Father to forgive them. That gives me some perspective. Perhaps my situations are forgivable, with His help and only with His help.

    I have spent a lot of unhappy moments not enjoying the freedom the Lord intended because I did not want to forgive someone who hurt me. I grieve to think of how I have stubbornly refused to forgive others for real and/or perceived slights over the years. I can imagine Jesus looking at me with sadness (not condemnation) because I have not fully comprehended the magnitude of the debt that has been erased from my account because of Him. I can hear Him saying,

    “Dave, when you choose to hold onto bitterness, you shortchange yourself on joy and peace.”

    If I cannot forgive, I have forgotten or never comprehended how much I have been forgiven.

    Taken from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.

    How quickly I forget. I forget how much I have been forgiven. I forget how much I am loved by Jesus. I forget that I am a brand new creation. I forget I am righteous because of the finished  work of Christ. I forget that there is no condemnation in Christ. I forget that I am a beloved child of God and He is for me. I forget that He has my back and He has me in His hand forever. I am forgetful.

    But thank God He does not forget His promises. More than anything I need to remember that today.

  • The Reset Button We Need For 2022

    The Reset Button We Need For 2022

    I think we are just beginning to recognize and unpack the damage caused by the pandemic lock downs. The separation of friends and families from normal interaction has left it’s toll on the culture. I would argue the effect has been even more profound on the church. If you are/were a faithful church participant you had likely bought into the truth that we need one another on this journey. Many of us have sacrificed that gift of one another to this insidious virus. I have seen responses and behaviors from churchgoers that surprised even me and I wrote a book called When Bad Christians Happen to Good People! I think the isolation may have exposed some baggage that had been buried under busyness and routine. More on that in next week’s musing.

    I am suggesting that we need to admit this separation has had a negative effect on most of us. It feels like patience is in record short supply and it is not a supply chain issue. The actions and words of others seem to agitate us more easily. The ability to discuss difficult topics with civility has become almost impossible. I don’t think those trends were a result of the pandemic but I do think its emotional and spiritual effect exacerbated it.

    So what do we do? Today I wanted to propose a reset button we can push to help reconfigure our hearts.

    Years ago an office supply company promoted a big red button that proclaimed “That Was Easy” every time you pushed it. Certainly nothing about today’s spiritual climate is easy but I am proposing a button we can mentally push when the feelings of anger, frustration, judgment, and even hatred bubble up. Push this button in your mind and hear these words.

    “We All Need Grace“

    Paul threw down a pretty straight forward statement to the Ephesian church.

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

    When my impulse is to judge someone I need to push the grace button and remember God pursued me with the gift of undeserved grace. In this rush to judgment social media culture it is so disgustingly easy to go to condemnation first. Remember when the woman caught in very obvious sin was brought before Jesus by a hyped up group of self-righteous judges. When He reminded the mob of their own heart condition they went quietly away.

    “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

    “No, Lord,” she said.

    And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

    Jesus knew her heart had changed. She didn’t need a lecture, spiritual discipline, or penance. She needed forgiveness, release from judgment, and hope. Jesus is our example. He pushed the grace button when the mob wanted condemnation.

    In 2022 I want to reset my heart from the damage done by isolation and cultural negativity. I need to push the grace button.

    If I can’t forgive then I have forgotten how much I have been forgiven. I need to push the grace button.

    When I look with disdain at another person I have forgotten how God sees them. That person is a soul that Jesus loves. I need to push the grace button.

    When I don’t accept another brother or sister I have forgotten that I was unacceptable to a Holy God and that it is only because of Jesus that I am acceptable to Him. I need to push the grace button.

    When I assume to know the motives of those who oppose me I have forgotten that only God can see the true hearts of others. I need to push the grace button.

    When I can’t serve without expectation of personal return I have forgotten that my service should come from gratitude for the amazing grace of Jesus. I need to push the grace button.

    Pastor Tullian Tchividjian wrote this about our “aversion” to the radical concept of grace.

    “We love the “if/then” proposition: “If” you do this, “then” I will do that. We love “what-goes-around-comes-around” conditionality. It makes us feel safe. It’s easy to comprehend. It makes perfect sense to our grace-shy hearts. It’s makes life formulaic. It breeds a sense of manageability. And best of all, it keeps us in control. We get to keep our ledgers and scorecards.

    The logic of grace, on the other hand, is incomprehensible to our law-locked hearts. Grace is thickly counter-intuitive. It feels risky and unfair. It wrestles control out of our hands. It is wild and unsettling. It turns everything that makes sense to us upside-down and inside-out. Law says, “Good people get good stuff; bad people get bad stuff.” Grace says, “The bad get the best; the worst inherit the wealth; the slave becomes a son.” This offends our deepest sense of justice and rightness. We are, by nature, allergic to grace.”

    We need to push the grace button and believe this wonderful truth written in Hebrews for another uncertain year ahead.

    So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)