Charisa Stories

Tag: grace

  • The Gift of Being Present

    The Gift of Being Present

    To celebrate the paperback release of Stay this week’s article is a free preview of one of my favorite chapters.

    Chapter 3 from STAY: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

    BE PRESENT– Journal Entry

    One reason Hannah is such a special friend is that she entered our lives during a difficult season when her human mom—my wife, Joni—was diagnosed with breast cancer. Hannah provided a comforting presence during a scary time. I found an anonymous quote that sums up one big reason why: “One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feeling blue is that she doesn’t try to find out why.”

    Hannah knew how to deal with people going through an emotionally and physically draining valley. Her solution was simple but powerful.

    Be present.

    It was just the unsolicited encouragement that Joni and I so needed at the time. When this cancer journey began, we learned a lot of hard lessons. One of the hardest to swallow was people’s reactions, how those close to us dealt with tragedy and illness. We had expectations of who would be there for us during the storm, but those expectations were rarely correct. Some people that we were sure would be steadfast became invisible. Others who we would have wagered the mortgage on to be constant encouragers became awkward and distant. When your expectations are met with inconsistent responses from friends and family, it can devastate your spirit and lead to despair.

    Although reasons were never given, I could guess why people struggled with our situation, based on the unique baggage they brought to their own story. Perhaps cancer made them fear their own mortality. Some acted as if cancer is contagious. Perhaps they worried they might say the wrong thing. Others might have felt pressure to make sense of a senseless situation or the need to figure out the spiritual reason for the trial, and when they had no answer to give us, they retreated. I understand all that now, but at the time it hurt.

    That’s what Hannah sensed. Her intuitive evaluation of my emotions was uncanny. Hannah would come to me and nudge me as if to say, “I’m here.” As she shifted her big brown eyes toward mine, her gaze communicated, “I don’t know how to help, but I wish I could.”

    There was incredible comfort in her presence.

    She was right. That was all I needed—presence. When Joni was sick with cancer, all we needed from friends and fellow followers of Jesus was caring presence.

    The theology of why bad things happen could wait. The go-to verse that “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28, KJV) could be explored when time gave perspective. You don’t need to explain or spiritualize trials. You need to be present and willing to walk with your friend or loved one in grace and love. Simple, yet incredibly powerful.

    Remember me mentioning Job and his suffering in the introduction? At first, Job’s friends were fantastic empathizers. When they simply sat with Job and grieved with him, I am sure he took comfort in these men who cared enough to be present. But then they decided to speak their piece. They resorted to the familiar default mode of needing to “figure out” what Job did to trigger his suffering. They tried to explain what they could not understand.

    We had a few “Job friends” in our cancer journey. God was faithful to provide caring people to walk with Joni and me. We thanked Him for those He prompted to love us, instead of wondering why others were not there. That was a spiritual turning point for us.

    During Joni’s cancer, Hannah obviously had no idea why we were sad. She had no more understanding of Joni’s disease than she would later have of her own prognosis. But she could sense our sorrow and she was present in the moment.

    Joni’s breast cancer treatment included surgery and a year of chemotherapy followed by weeks of radiation. We joked about our weekly dates at the “Slow-Drip Spa,” but there was not much humor to be found in the aftermath of those sessions. Joni fought nausea and her plummeting white blood cell counts were dangerously low, compromising her recovery. One day after we returned home from Joni’s chemotherapy session, she went straight to the bedroom, exhausted, to try to sleep off the nausea. I sat on the couch in our living room staring at nothing as I tried to process all that Joni was going through.

    Hannah sensed my sadness but wasn’t sure what to do. She walked by, looked at me, picked up a tennis ball, and brought it to me. I could see a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. I imagined a thought bubble appearing over her head with the message, “Would this help make you less sad?”

    I tossed the ball to her, but she did not play with the normal zeal that she had during our games of catch.

    This day Hannah caught the ball, calmly brought it back, and gently dropped it in my lap. It was as if she was doing this for me and not her. She was giving me a few moments of respite from my fears. I don’t recall another time that she played in that way.

    I agree with Martin Luther’s thoughts: “The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made his greatest gifts the commonest.”

    I think God has given us a model of walking, breathing grace in these amazing creatures.

    The empathetic instinct to pain that my friend Hannah possesses can be a template for how I can be present with God. There are times when my baggage or fear causes me to be awkward and distant from God. I am not sure what to say or even if God wants to deal with my weak faith again. I am tempted to talk bravely as if nothing is wrong. But my heart is crying out in pain. God comforts me in the brave talking, but He rushes toward the crying of my soul. I think that is what the apostle Paul is describing in Romans, assuring us that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf when we are too anguished to even find words:

    The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. – Romans 8:26-27

    The Holy Spirit senses our hearts and literally interprets our anguish to the Father. God desires that we simply be present with Him. We don’t need to pray eloquent psalms of petition. We simply put our heads in the lap of Abba Father and say, “I’m here.” And isn’t it interesting that it is in this very intimate context of submission and tender dependence on the Holy Spirit that the oft-quoted phrase about how “all things work together for good” occurs?

    The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. – Romans 8:26-28, emphasis added

    We isolate the verse about “everything working for good” from its context and throw it out as “comfort” for those who are suffering. Paul says that God is with us in our suffering, not just for one specific event, but for all of the trials we will face in our lives. All of them will be ultimately redeemed for those who love God.

    The purpose of our trials is not necessarily to have things work out neatly, according to our desires. Romans 8:29 says, “God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son.” God chose believers to become like His Son. All of these trials together will cause us to become more like Jesus. That may or may not mean a particular event will work out well. How often have we wounded a hurting soul with our shallow spiritualizing when he or she just needed a friend?

    It starts with being present, a lesson well taught by my friend Hannah. She gave me a clear example of being present when your friend is hurting. Just be present. Not all-knowing. Not awkwardly fumbling for words. Simply present. Learning to be present for a friend or a loved one is a precious skill. Henri Nouwen captures this heart of friendship well.

    “When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.”

    Henri Nouwen

    Tonight I got into bed late, and Hannah got up from her comfy bed and walked to my side. Maybe she needed my presence. Maybe she sensed my need for a therapeutic ear scratch. I suspect the truth is that both of us had needs that were met by that simple action of presence and affection. That is how it works when we drop our fears and selfishness to make ourselves lovingly present in a loved one’s pain. It is therapeutic for everyone involved.

    During Joni’s difficult cancer trial we learned that the peace that surpasses all understanding is real. We lived it and we got through a very trying year by leaning on each other, great doctors, good friends, God’s grace, and lots of Hannah nuzzles.

  • Lessons from Covid Class

    Lessons from Covid Class

    Life is full of wonderful moments and blessings. Life also has it’s share of dark valleys and scary storms. None of us gets out of this life unscathed. In the valleys of my life I have taught myself to step back and ask this question. What can God teach me in this trial about Him or about myself?

    This seemingly never ending Covid pandemic has been rife with lessons.

    Lesson #1

    Control freaks have learned a really hard truth from Covid-19. It doesn’t matter one whit how much money, power, or prestige you had accumulated by March of 2020 because Covid rudely stole your ability to control your life. It is funny to search the term “control freak” on the internet and find that so many people try to paint being a controlling person as a positive. I have worked with control freaks and I can tell you the experience for those around them is not pleasant. It is a suffocating and deflating leadership style.

    Quotes about Control freaks (69 quotes)

    This is a particularly distressing trait for followers of Jesus. I think this unpredictable virus exposed a lot of us. We said we trusted God. We wore t-shirts that boldly proclaimed Faith over Fear. But having our health, financial security, and fellowship with others threatened rocked our faith to the core. The only honest reaction is no matter how hard we try to control things we simply cannot. Only God is in control and our attempts to think otherwise is fool’s gold. Author Wayne Dyer said this about the folly of control.

    “It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there’s nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.”

    I have seen that truth played out over and over during this season. People of faith are immobilized by fear and worry. I am not diminishing one iota the reality or seriousness of this virus. I am saying that the One in ultimate control will get me through this crisis just like He has been at my side through every other one. Jesus promised He would be steadfast and present in every moment. Covid has not changed that truth.

    “My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them real and eternal life. They are protected from the Destroyer for good. No one can steal them from out of my hand. The Father who put them under my care is so much greater than the Destroyer and Thief. No one could ever get them away from him. I and the Father are one heart and mind.” (John 10:27-30, The Message)

    I am not in control. Never have been. Never will be. It is nice to know that the one thing I can control is my eternal destiny in Christ.

    Lesson # 2

    We really, really, really need one another. Virtual replaced actual contact and at first that seemed okay. The dictionary definition of virtual is revealing.

    adjective: virtual

    1. almost or nearly as described, but not completely or according to strict definition.

    The key word in that description is ALMOST. Virtual is not the same as real contact. The Zoom meetings and Skype calls only vaguely resemble actual interaction and I was surprised at how quickly that substitute failed to satisfy my need for fellowship.

    God designed us for human relationships when He proclaimed it is not good for us to be alone. Adam didn’t come up with that idea. It was the creator who knew how His creation was wired.

    Henri Nouwen brilliantly summarized the need for community.

    “Christian community is the place where we keep the flame of hope alive among us and take it seriously so that it can grow and become stronger in us.”

    Covid extinguished that flame. We lost that comforting touch or reassuring facial expression that helped fan the flame of hope. Losing community was a bigger deal than most of us imagined. Peter wrote about suffering and even the prospect of the final days. I find it interesting that Peter made this the most important task in those dire circumstances.

    “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8, NLT)

    We can do that. We can’t control our circumstances. But we can express love through phone calls, messages, and safely distanced encounters. Knowing that you are loved and missed helps a lot. Whenever a person comes to mind send a text or drop a note. You never know how much that brief time detour might mean to someone.

    Lesson #3

    We need to be patient with all of the different responses our fellow sojourners have to this pandemic. This is the hard one for me. There are some really judgmental and harsh indictments of people who view how we should address this virus differently. I really believe that most of us are trying to do the right thing in a very confusing sea of conflicting information. So I default to Paul’s words to the church at Colossae when I feel frustration with some folks responses.

    Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:13-17, NLT)

    If I marinate in that passage it seems that my judgment and frustration melt away allowing grace to bubble up. Those are my lessons from Covid. What have you learned?


  • Don’t Let Covid Cause a Fruit Shortage!

    Don’t Let Covid Cause a Fruit Shortage!

    I have some mileage on the life odometer and I can honestly say I have never experienced a season like the one we are currently in. The late sixties were pretty wheels off but even that turbulent time didn’t match this. Instead of uniting as Americans over a pandemic we have divided. Isolation and fear have caused a collective national depression.

    Christians have too often been a part of the problem. In theory we have a message of hope in Christ. We should be a light of courage because we know and trust a loving God. Instead we too often get sidetracked by arguments over wearing masks and whether we should be meeting without restriction. The sound you hear is Satan chuckling that we are missing a chance to show grace, hope, love, and courage.

    How can we make that kind of difference? Paul has an annoying suggestion that if walk in relationship with Jesus you should display the traits he called the fruit of the spirit.

    But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.  (Galatians 5, NLT)

    This is not a shopping list where I can pick one or two and feel pretty good about my godliness. The desire is to display all of the fruit and not just one or two.

    Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

    Imagine how our witness would explode if we lived out of that list. What would our conversations look like at work if we went fruit shopping in expectant prayer each day? How would our social media posts read? What would these traits mean in our family relationships? How would others view your faith if these qualities were your selling points?

    I am not peddling guilt here. Living this way is impossible by simple grit and begrudging compliance. It is possible only through understanding God’s grace and kindness toward His children.

    Slowly I am beginning to comprehend grace and who I am in Christ. Here is a valuable insight from the book The Search For Significance by Robert S. McGee.

    “Our true value is based not on our behavior or the approval of others but on what God’s word says is true. Our behavior is often a reflection of our beliefs about who we are. It is usually consistent with what we think to be true about ourselves (Prov 23:7). If we base our worth solidly on the truths of God’s word, then our behavior will often reflect His love, grace, and power. But if we base our worth on our abilities or the fickle approval of others, then our behavior will reflect the insecurity, fear, and anger that comes from such instability.”

    When I trust who God says I am I begin to stock the fruit of the Spirit in my heart. God declares all of the following list to be true about me…a broken down former TV director. And all of these things became true from the MOMENT I trusted Christ. I didn’t earn any of these through my efforts.

    I am forgiven. Col 2:13–14
    I am a child of God. John 1:2; Rom 8:15
    I received Christ’s KIND of life, eternal: John 5:24
    I was delivered from Satan’s domain and into the Kingdom of Christ: Col 1:13
    Christ came to dwell with me. Col 1:27; Rev 3:20
    I am a new Creation: 2 Cor 5:17
    I am declared righteous by God: 2 Cor 5:21
    I entered a love relationship w/ God: 1 John 4:9-11
    I am accepted by God: Col 1:19-22  

    When I meditate on those truths my heart overflows with gratitude. I am reminded how much I have been forgiven, I marvel at how patient Jesus has been with my excruciatingly slow growth. I stand in amazement that God chose to adopt me as His child. I remember that the negative things that Satan reminds me of everyday no longer define me. I am righteous in the eyes of a Holy God because of the finished work of Jesus on the Cross.

    Consistently demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit is not easy. But I have found it is whole lot easier when you remember the truths above. Don’t let Covid spoil your fruit. We have a hope that others need and displaying the fruit of the Spirit makes the message attractive and real.

  • A Football Coach Showed Me How to Leave a Legacy

    A Football Coach Showed Me How to Leave a Legacy

    At some point in our journey most people start thinking about leaving a legacy. For some the idea of leaving a legacy means accumulating wealth or property to give to the next generation. A family business can be a legacy that keeps a memory alive through the years. Prestige and power can be thought of as a legacy.

    In the winter of 2017 I became friends with Newton Texas high school football Coach W.T. Johnston. His story of courage and faith became the basis of my book “Between the White Lines“. For eighteen months the Johnston family embedded me in their lives and shared their story with unvarnished honesty. I had no idea how much that project and that relationship would influence me.

    I had thought now and then about my legacy. I had always factored my accomplishments into legacy. I had a long and satisfying television directing career. I was fortunate to win a few awards. But the fact is that the moment I stood up to leave that directing chair another person was ready to sit down. The telecasts went on just fine without me. W.T. taught me that leaving a legacy was not about accomplishment. Perhaps the most emotional moment of my career happened after Johnston won an improbable second consecutive state title several months after doctors told him he would be dead. His interview on Fox Sports has been seen by millions and it helped shape how I plan to live the rest of my life. Here is a bit of that remarkable sideline moment.

    “We got together in August right before we started practicing and I told them I probably wouldn’t make it through the season. I was only given eight months to live in January. And I wanted them to be aware of what was going on. And then we got going and there was about two or three weeks during the season I didn’t think I was going to make it. And we talked about that.

    “I always told them this was the last lesson I was gonna teach them. I’ve been around these guys and their dads and their mothers since 1991. And I told them the last lesson I would ever teach them is how to live before you die, and where you put your strength and where you put your belief. The Lord has done so much for me. It’s unbelievable what Jesus has let me do and see through these kids. And I tell everybody—they don’t understand this—I’ve been given a great gift. I’ve been able to see how my life could affect people before I die. These guys, they’ve touched my life. It’s been a mutual thing. But I’ve been able to teach them a lesson that you don’t get to see most times.

    “Last night they were talking about wanting to win for me. I’ve had my time. This is their time. This is all for them. I told them to do it for their teammates, to do it for themselves. Because fifty years from now, this will be something special they’ll always remember.  I mean, they’ll remember me—if I’ve done right, a part of me is going to live in them and that’s what I’ve always thought—if I’ve done things right.”

    What a succinct and brilliant definition of leaving a legacy. If I’ve done things right a part of me is going to live in them.

    Leaving a legacy is not getting to the top of your profession. It is not being the most successful or the most wealthy. Billy Graham had a pretty good resume. It is estimated he spoke to over 200 million people in live audiences over sixty years. He wrote over thirty books. His television and radio programming reached millions more with the Gospel of Jesus. I would say that is a pretty powerful legacy. But here is how Graham defined the word.

    The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.

    That is the legacy I hope to leave. Leaving a legacy is being kind to people who can do nothing for you. Leaving a legacy is being fair to everyone and not just the powerful and privileged. Leaving a legacy is making each person you engage feel important and valued. Leaving a legacy is serving selflessly with no expectation for reward. Leaving a legacy is loving your wife, children, friends, and neighbors with forgiveness, patience, humility, and grace. Leaving a legacy is modeling what it looks like to walk with Jesus faithfully through both triumph and tragedy.

    Peter talked about how to live in dark times.

    Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

    (1 Peter 4:8-10, NLT)

    Another coach I admire, Tony Dungy, said this about legacy and significance.

    God’s definition of success is really one of significance-the significant difference our lives can make in the lives of others. The significance doesn’t show up in won-loss records, long resumes, or the trophies gathering dust on our mantels. It’s found in the hearts and lives of those we’ve come across who are in some way better because of the way we lived.

    Paul offered a good starting point for this legacy project in his letter to the Church at Philipi.

    Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8, NLT)

    If you live like that you will find that my friend W.T. Johnston is one-hundred percent correct when he said a piece of you will live in others forever.

    Missing football? Between the White Lines is an inspiring story of a great coach and how faith challenged and changed a town and team.

  • Signs of the Times

    Signs of the Times

    My daughter-in-law Caroline runs an online sign business called Vine & Branches that features lots of creative, fun, and inspiring designs. Last week I checked in on the online store and received an unexpected blessing. Her latest designs touched my heart and seemed so appropriate for this season we are enduring.

    This is a hard time. Turn on the news and all you see is the threat of disease, disheartening discord, and heartbreaking violence. Fear seems to be the predominant emotion and the embers of that fear get stoked constantly by sensational reporting and angry social media.

    The first sign I saw in the store was a great reminder of God’s character and how trustworthy He is.

    I have been on this planet three score and seven years. Over and over and over I have seen God’s faithful hand during difficult times. I know from His Word that God is faithful to His children even in the darkest storm. The writer of Hebrews gives us a starting point to overcoming fear.

    Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. (Hebrews 10:23, NLT)

    He will keep His promise. We know the Author of the next chapter of our life. We know that God sees us as His beloved, adopted children. We can trust the next chapter when we remember His sovereign Hand is writing our story.

    The next sign reminded me of my ultimate hope and the reason followers of Jesus find victory even in the darkest storms.

    Even in this difficult season there is much beauty and goodness to be found in this world. I love life and I try to find sacred moments every day. But I sense in my spirit that there is something more. Something better that awaits someday.

    C.S. Lewis explained that longing in Mere Christianity.

    “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

    I believe that. I have hope in the finished work of Christ no matter what my current situation might be.

    The final sign I noted was simple and profoundly true.

    Followers of Jesus have the comfort that God will redeem darkness with light and sadness with joy. Jesus was completely honest about the trials of this world and the hope He offered.

    “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NLT)

    Jesus didn’t come to flatten the curve on sin and death. He overcame it. That is why I can be hopeful when the world looks dark. And that is why I finish this musing referencing the sign I used in the title. Psalm 71:14 offers a way to focus on Him and not on our fear.

    “But I will hope continually
        and will praise you yet more and more.”

    I rarely use this space to endorse a product but I will make an exception this week. You can find beautifully crafted and inspiring signs at Vine & Branches that make wonderful gifts for the upcoming Christmas season or anytime.

  • Time for a Family Conference!

    Time for a Family Conference!

    While our three sons were living under our roof there were five words that struck fear in their hearts.

    “Time for a family conference”.

    They knew that I was about to have a conversation with them and I was going to do most of the talking. I suspect they felt I was being punitive when I called for a conference. The truth is I was pursuing protective love and not punishment. Protective love sees a family dynamic that is hurting someone in the family and when one in the family is hurting all of us are hurting.

    When I see the current dynamics of my Christian family I wish I could call a family conference with a heart of protective love. I see social media posts from friends who identify with Jesus that are downright mean and ungraceful. Some repost things that are supposed to be funny but are disrespectful. Others repost sensational stories without verifying them. All of those actions dim the light of our witness.

    I totally understand that there are cultural trends that dismay followers of Jesus. I support standing up for the truth. But I am convicted more than ever that the only way to have an impact is to communicate that truth in love.

    I already know the push back from some readers. They remind me that Jesus got angry and even destructive when he overturned the tables in the Temple. Fair point. So I have compiled a brief survey to complete. Please check each statement that is true about you.

    _____ I have never sinned.

    _____ I know with 100 per cent accuracy the heart and motives of those I disagree with.

    If you can check both of those statements then I will happily grant you the “Jesus Exemption”. For the rest of us I would suggest that we concentrate more on following the words of Jesus.

    “Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that?” Luke 6:31

    Or maybe we should follow the example of Paul. He found himself in Athens surrounded by people that had to upset him. His strategy was brilliant and instructive for social media today. I wrote about it in When Bad Christians Happen to Good People.

    What if we decided to be a kinder and gentler culture warrior, fearlessly and boldly confronting the culture with a great and incomprehensible love? I can tell you in advance that the results would be mixed. Acts 17 documents the apostle Paul’s visit to the city of Athens, a city that caused him great distress (the Greek word, roughly translated, means “ticked off”) because the city was full of idols. Yet, instead of arguing with or maligning the Jews and God-fearing Greeks, he reasoned with them and others who came to listen. Paul was introducing them to some strange ideas, and they wanted to know more. Verse 21 notes that residents of Athens spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas. Their pastime could be considered an ancient version of our talk-radio format. I love what happens next. Paul met his audience where they were. He stood up and said, “Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship [notice no condemnation of the idols that Paul obviously found distasteful], I even found an altar with this inscription: to an unknown god. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you” (verses 22-23).

    Brilliant! In broadcasting this is known as packaging your idea. You set up a common interest and then tease the audience with the coming payoff to keep them tuned in. But what if Paul and the early believers had approached Athens with some of the strategies we use today? Several believers would march throughout the marketplace defiantly holding up placards:

    “If you think you are stoic now, wait till the Lord returns!”

    “Hey, Epicureans…the party’s over!”

    What if Paul had stepped up and announced, “Repent, you pagan, godless sons of the devil, before you burn in a fiery hell. Take your idols and put them where the goddess of sunlight doesn’t shine.”

    I don’t think Paul would have had much of an audience, let alone success. When he finished speaking to the crowd in Athens, the Bible records the box score. It’s pretty much what you and I can expect when we sincerely and lovingly explain our faith. Some of them sneered. Some of them said, “We want to hear you again on this subject.” And a few “believed.” Paul endured all that he did for those who believed and those who wanted to hear more. He could not have enjoyed the sneers. While that response is not unexpected, it is never fun.

    The early church had no chance to “win” the culture war. Instead they built a community of believers that infiltrated the culture.

    Winning hearts almost always works by communicating the truth with grace and love. Truth communicated as law will harden hearts. Truth communicated with grace and love has a chance to soften and change them. To wit, I have never seen one single example of a person persuaded by a Facebook rant. I have seen hundreds hardened in their beliefs (right or wrong) by those tactics.

    Change happens when the God’s love breaks through the hurt and confusion of the past and shows the future hope of grace and forgiveness. I will buy you coffee if you can show when a change of heart happened by being harangued and called names. Change happens when the gentle and quiet voice of the Spirit touches a wounded heart. So my plea to my fellow followers of Jesus is to realize you represent Him when you proclaim your truths in the name of Jesus. If you can’t be graceful you might prayerfully consider removing the Jesus tags from your bio. I don’t say that to be mean. I am simply saying if you are representing Jesus you have this standard to follow.

    God blesses those who work for peace,
        for they will be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9

    And I might call in Paul for backup at my family conference.

    Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29

    Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:6

    I know how easy it is to get riled up with internet threads. Remember who you represent and respond accordingly. Jesus makes it clear.

    A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. Luke 6:45

    All followers of Jesus need to prayerfully examine our hearts before we hit send.

  • What Would My Last Message Be?

    What Would My Last Message Be?

    I only knew W.T. Johnston for a year and a half while writing Between the White Lines but his impact on my life has been remarkable. He knew his time was limited by an incurable lung disease. I remember expressing my sadness for his prognosis. W.T.’s response still amazes me.

    “I have been given a great gift. A lot of people don’t have a chance to see how their life mattered and to say what they need to say to others.”

    His post-game message after the nationally televised state title game has been seen by millions.

    I don’t know how much time is left on my life odometer. It could be 30 years. It could be 30 days. I spent some time this week wondering what my message would be if I knew my time was limited. I think it would look something like this.

    Love your wife.

    Most of us repeated something like this on our wedding day.

    I, (Guy in Hideous Tux), take you (What Were You Thinking Beautiful Bride), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

    One of my last messages to young men and women would be to take those vows seriously. The word cherish is a word that guys don’t use much but it is one we should look up and learn the meaning. Dictionary.com defines it simply. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear. I wish I had cherished my wife more consistently over the years. I do plan to finish strong.

    Love your children.

    I would tell parents to love their children for who they are and not what you had hoped to produce. Affirm them with love for who they actually are and the gifts God gave them. I hate disingenuous praise. Every child is gifted in some areas and not so much in others. Tell them how they are special. Tell them when you are proud of them. Tell them you love them. Let them be kids now and then. Let them get dirty and break things once in a while. It’s okay. They are kids. It is no reflection on you that they are not perfect.

    Love your friends.

    I would want my last message to encourage people to make friends and not just acquaintances. When I see people who don’t have a good friend I feel really sad for them. A person with good friends is never poor. Solomon knew that a real friend loves you no matter what happens. He wrote these words in Proverbs. There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

    Love your life.

    Sure life is hard. For some life is really hard. But we do have a choice in how we play the cards dealt to us. Read stories about those who play their difficult life cards well. And pray for the strength to choose that strategy. It is a choice.

    Love to laugh.

    Everyone who knows me at all knows that I love to laugh and enjoy my time on the planet. I have adopted the philosophy that if an embarrassing moment is going to be funny in a year you might as well start laughing today. Learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh with your spouse and your kids and your friends. Laugh often and long.

    Love to serve and give.

    The happiest people I know are those who give their lives away. It is so counter-intuitive to the messages we are bombarded with every day. I would probably work in a little bit from Philippians 2, Colossians 3 and Romans 12.

    Love grace.

    I would encourage everyone to memorize Paul’s message to the Ephesian Church.

    God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:8-9

    There was NOTHING I could do to earn salvation. It was all because of Jesus and the Cross. I brought nothing to the table but my sin. Jesus did all the work. On the day I believed I became a new creation. Forgiven. A saint because of Christ. And God set me on a course to do the work He had planned before I was born. I would encourage everyone to always err on the side of grace. We give grace knowing that someday soon we will need to receive it.

    Love today.

    I think Satan’s strategy is devastating simple and effective. Cause us to live in regret of the past and fear of the future and that will rob us of the joy of today. Find something to love in each day. Every day has sacred moments. Look for them.

    Love learning.

    I had some bad teaching in my early journey with Jesus but I have never stopped learning and pursuing the truth and what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I love to learn. About God, about life, about everything.

    Love Jesus.

    Because God became flesh I can relate to a Savior that understands the frailties of my flesh. Because the Creator understands His creation I can be sure that God understands my pain, frustration and loneliness. It is difficult for me to relate to an invisible God. That is the miracle of God becoming man. I can relate to Jesus because He has walked in my sandals.  That is the sovereign genius of the incarnation. We can relate to God in flesh in a way that is different. When I suffer I know that Jesus understands. He has been there. When I am lonely or feeling betrayed I can know (in my finite ability) that He understands. When I am joyful and laughing He understands. By becoming like me I can believe that Jesus can empathize with me on a different level. Because I know He gets it then I also get it. God loves me and Jesus has my back.

    My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.   (I John 2)

    Jesus is a friend who never leaves you. Never condemns you. Jesus loved you enough to suffer the Cross. He is the one friend who will not let you down. Accept His forgiveness and redemptive grace today. I think that would be my closing argument.