Charisa Stories

Tag: john lynch

  • The Danger of the Santa Clause is Coming to Town Theology

    I remember a Christmas past when I quizzed the grandkids what they had asked Santa to bring. After telling me their wish they followed up with this statement.

    “Unless we have been bad. Then maybe we won’t get it until next year.”

    I smiled and assured them that they were not bad. Parents have dangled that Santa “nice list” carrot to try and get good behavior for generations. Santa Clause is comin’ to town and you had better watch out because he is making a list. So no pouting, No crying. Better be on your best behavior or else. And that performance trap learned as a child waiting for Santa can also profoundly and dangerously impact Christians.  I am borrowing some content from my dear friend John Lynch, one of the authors of the The Cure. He addresses how we are programmed from childhood to default to performance theology. He calls it the “Santa Claus is Coming to Town theology”.

    You better watch out
    Better not cry
    Better not pout
    I am telling you why
    Santa Claus is comin’ to town
    He’s making a list….checking it twice…three times…every day
    Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice
    Santa Claus is comin’ to town
    He sees you when your sleeping, nows when your awake, he knows when you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.

    Oh, he’s watching. Waiting for you to screw up so you will get coal instead of a bicycle. You had better please him. And we teach our kids to put on the mask and be something they are not. Because Santa Claus is comin’ to town. This omniscient being who is judging our every deed is coming to town…and we learn to do the dance early. Buck up…be good. Don’t cry. Don’t pout. Santa Claus is coming to town.  (©Copyright 2003, William Thrall, Bruce McNicol, John Lynch. All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.)

    He is exactly right. We learn that we get good things and receive love only when we are good and do good things. Santa is pleased (and we later substitute God) when we are good. So we learn early. We had better be good. Or least fool everyone around us to think that we are being good.

    I remember (vaguely) the tension of the Santa Claus years. I knew I hadn’t really changed much. I tried to modify my behavior for a week or two leading up to Christmas but I knew I had failed to be good. I learned how hard it is to change behavior by sheer willpower. I did not learn about grace. Instead of learning that Santa gave me gifts because I was loved I believed it was based on my performance.

    Isn’t that too often how we view God? We had better not cry. Better not sin. I’m telling you why. Jesus is coming to town. He’s making a list and He is checking it not once or twice but every moment of every day. God knows if you’ve been bad or good. So if you want to be healed or happy or prosperous you had better be good for goodness sake. If I do mess up I am scared to death that I will get a bad life or miss all that God has for me. So I put on the mask and try to be really good for Jesus. Hopefully I will be good enough to earn God’s love.

    Satan sells the lie so convincingly. But God and Santa are very different in their approach. God does not keep a list after we put our trust in the finished work of Jesus.

    God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (Ephesians 2:8-9, NLT)

    Jesus offers us so many gifts. But the one we seem to have the hardest time unwrapping is the gift of grace. The gift that allows us to become who God desires us to become as we simply trust Him and quit trying to be “good” for goodness sake. We are saved by grace and faith in Christ. We become like Him by the same radical strategy. Faith that He has changed us into a new creation. And understanding the grace that gives us good gifts even when we don’t deserve them.

    Don’t let the Santa Claus theology survive into the New Year. Go straight to the gift of grace that Jesus left under the Cross. Open it. And clothe yourself in His salvation, acceptance and love. It may be the best gift you have ever given yourself. It is a gift based on the performance of Jesus and not your own. Relax and receive it this Christmas.

  • Surviving the Storms of Life

    Surviving the Storms of Life

    Real growth in relationships, faith, and maturity usually doesn’t just happen. It is so simple to blame circumstances or others for our mistakes. Rationalizations for wrong behaviors are frighteningly easy. 

    “Officer, I didn’t mean to speed and break the law. I was just going with the flow of traffic.” Think about that. My defense is that everybody else is breaking the law. Therefore, I am innocent. 

    Since the Garden if Eden the automatic answer to sin and shortcomings is that it is someone else’s fault. That may be true at times. But that thinking will never result in becoming like Jesus. So I have to be intentional about confronting my own heart. Change is hard. Sharing my need to change with others is even harder. 

    Several years ago I took the risk to trust three men with everything about me. We call ourselves the Redwood Brothers based on a unique characteristic of California’s redwood trees. A redwood alone in a forest might look magnificent but the first strong wind could destroy it. You see, the coastal redwoods have shallow root systems and cannot survive a storm alone. Their roots extend over one hundred feet from the base but just broadening the root base is not what makes these beautiful trees capable of surviving the worst storms. They stand strong by intertwining their roots with the roots of other redwoods. The winds are now taking on an entire stand of trees and not a single redwood. No matter how majestic those trees might appear God designed them to need other trees to survive the storms. 

    That is exactly how we are designed. That describes the relationship I have forged with the three other men who gather every year to share weaknesses, fears, and frustrations. We are men who desire to follow Christ faithfully and love our wives and families well. Yet we, too, can have shallow root systems, and we need the strength of one another as we go through strong winds and floods together. Sharing our imperfect journeys in a safe space has resulted in remarkable breakthroughs. We have experienced what my friend John Lynch wrote about in The Cure.

    “What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more In the telling of it?” 

    Dropping the pretense and engaging in real conversation about the difficulties of this journey with other honest wayfarers is a real way to become more like Jesus.

    The need for church community is clear. But it’s even more important to look at what Jesus modeled. Jesus knew hundreds of people. He traveled with dozens. He sent out seventy. He discipled twelve. And He invested deeply in three. Jesus’ inner circle consisted of Peter, James, and John. He confided in these three men on a deeper and more profound level than any of the other disciples. I’ve found the same results in my own life. My greatest growth has taken place since I risked trusting a small group of men.

    Legendary professor Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary says that every man needs three different types of individuals in his life: a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. Paul is the older man who will mentor you and offer you his experience. It has been hard for me to find older men these days, but I have been blessed with several over the years. Timothy is the young man whom you build into. But it’s Barnabas whom I track with the most, aptly described by Hendricks.

    A Barnabas is a soul brother, somebody who loves you but is not impressed by you. Somebody to whom you can be accountable. Somebody who’s willing to keep you honest, who’s willing to say, “Hey, man, you’re neglecting your wife, and don’t give me any guff!”

    What a great description of a true friend. Someone who loves you but is not impressed with you. Believe me these men are not impressed with me. But they love me. They want the best for me. They tell me the truth because I trust them with me and I have given them permission to speak truth with grace. I keep emphasizing the grace part. That is how God desires our community to look. I can only receive real love from you to the extent that you know the truth about who I really am.

    We all have blind spots in our hearts. I need a person who loves me enough to gently point them out. 

    I hope you will find the courage to carefully trust someone with everything that is true about you. Maybe it starts with you being that person for someone else, to begin to see how it looks in practice. Finding a friend can be daunting. Being a friend is something that all of us can do. We need each other. I hope you take the risk to be known. I give the last word(s) to Paul and his message to the church on Colossae. Marinate in these thoughts today.

    Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. 

    Colosssians 3:10-16, NLT

  • When Reality Comes Around…

    When Reality Comes Around…

    Please forgive me for driving slowly down memory lane as I approach my 50th high school reunion this month. Soon after graduation I became a disc jockey at 1000 watt “powerhouse” WCHI in Chillicothe, Ohio. This was back in the days of turntables and actual vinyl records. I got to pick my own playlist that was mainly Top-40 pop. Unfortunately my playlist was often influenced by my emotional state. I didn’t realize I was doing that until a friend pointed out that I had thoroughly depressed them with my melancholy melodies that day. I would play “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart” from the Bee Gees followed by “She’s Gone” by Hall and Oates followed by the Carpenters singing “Goodbye to Love”.  Not sure the sponsors (except maybe antidepressant manufacturers and counseling centers) wanted me to be such a musical downer.

    Another one of my go to songs to bring the listeners down was a song by Irish singer Gilbert O’Sullivan. Alone Again Naturally reached the top of the charts for several weeks and the tune popped up on satellite radio recenty. He sings about how life is good and full of promise and then everything changes. That would be called life.

    But as if to knock me down
    Reality came around
    And without so much as a mere touch
    Cut me into little pieces

    Leaving me to doubt
    Talk about God in His mercy
    Who if He really does exist
    Why did He desert me?

    In my hour of need
    I truly am indeed
    Alone again, naturally

    Those lyrics reflects the struggle of many former believers and struggling believers around us. Several people who are dear to me are going through deep valleys of heartache right now. They sometimes feel deserted and may wonder if God is there. This walk of faith was designed to be lived out in community. I think that is why so many struggle so mightily because we (as a body of believers) lean toward programs more easily than toward authentic community. Community is messy and hard and painful and incredibly fulfilling. My friend John Lynch describes that place of healing as the Room of Grace and I have yet to find a better descriptor of a place where God’s love is demonstrated to wounded sojourners. In the Room of Grace your problems, weirdness, neediness, and weakness does not result in judgment but in acceptance. In that room you can trust God and others with the truth about you and not be pushed away. Fellow inhabitants of the room run toward you when you hurt and not away. That place exists but there are not nearly enough rooms of grace. And if more such rooms were constructed the body of Christ would be a much healthier organism.

    It seems to me that there are more hearts
    Broken in the world that can’t be mended
    Left unattended
    What do we do? What do we do?

    What do we do? I had to acknowledge my own weakness and need for others. I had to lean fully on my dependence on Christ to live this journey out. No heroic self-effort on my part makes me a better Christian. It is all because of Christ. That flies in the face of the American values of being self-made and independent. As a Christian I must surrender self and be dependent to be used by God. I would suggest that we drop the pretense of “victory” over sin and the lie that a particular flavor of faith will result in prosperity, health and green lights during every road trip. That is not the Gospel. I would suggest that we get real about our struggles and let others know that their struggle is also ours. I would suggest that you pray for friends and family but also listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit as to how you can serve them. When a loved one comes to mind send them a note, call them, drop a card and take the time see how they are doing. Too many in the church feel unattended because we, His arms to the flock, are not reaching out. Walking with those who are struggling is draining. It can be ugly. There is no guarantee of success. But can I encourage you with this lesson learned? There is nothing more exciting that realizing that God has somehow divinely used your stumbling efforts in the life of one of His children. Nothing will make you worship more than seeing how God uses a humble and trusting heart far more effectively than a slick and convincing tongue.

    Paul wrote these words to the Church at Philippi.

    Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (Philippians 2, NLT)

    I see a grace revival stirring and we need it desperately. Because in a room of grace the broken hearts will not be left unattended. Pray for more rooms of His grace.

  • “Trash Talking” in Community.

    “Trash Talking” in Community.

    Last week we moved out of the house that our family had called home for thirty years. We experienced a lot of love, laughter, and memories in that house. There was also a lot stuff. Tons and tons of stuff. My amazing wife Joni organized a multi-week campaign leading up to the move to decide what needed to be sold, donated, re-homed, or trashed. It was a daunting task.

    Last Wednesday marked the final day of Operation Downsize as we finished cleanup at the old house and moved a few things to temporary housing. Several people from our church small group came to help us finish up. At our home church, Waterbrook Bible Fellowship, we call these groups “Home Teams”. We wrapped up some final packing and loaded a few fragile items into friend’s vehicles to be transported.

    But one embarrassing problem remained. The trash overflowed the capacity of our trash container. The solution was surprising. Several of our friends volunteered to take a bag of trash home with them to dispose of.

    Later Joni commented about the day. “Our Home Team is amazing. They even took our trash.”

    My first thought was this was a very practical metaphor for what community should be. We all wish that we had people who would be willing to take on the “trash” in our lives willingly and without judgment. My friend John Lynch has a saying I have quoted so much I should pay him residuals.

    ““What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more In the telling of it?”

    Or to use our moving metaphor “what if there were a few people who knew I had more trash in my life than I could handle, but they were not disgusted or repelled but moved to take on that trash and help me get rid of it.”

    That is a room of grace where there is no condemnation. Joni and I have been a part of three different small groups that were transformational. They all had the following characteristics.

    1. Leave your politics on the porch. Most of us have strong convictions about political issues but these gatherings are about Jesus and how He relates to our journey together. Jesus spent zero time on politics except to tell the Pharisees to give Caesar his tax money.
    2. Make your gathering a safe place. Nothing shuts down trust more that sharing private things without permission. We make a rule that nothing is shared outside of our meeting without permission. That includes the sneaky Christian way of gossiping by sharing “prayer requests” out of “concern” for others. Get permission. Building that trust will help amazing things to happen.
    3. Learn each other’s stories. We make it a point to find out the life and spiritual journey each member of our group has taken. Hearing what a person has gone through in life will often change your heart attitude from judgment to deep admiration for their courage and resilience.

    God knows that we need others to make it through this often difficult journey. Scripture is full of exhortations about caring for and loving one another. Here are a couple of my favorites.

    Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25, NLT

    Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:13-15, NLT

    This passage in 1st John summarizes the why for living in community and loving others. We do it because Jesus first loved, served, and sacrificed for us.

    God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

    Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 1 John 4:9-11, NLT

    All of us have excess trash in our lives. A lot of us are not quiet sure what to do with it. If we trust Jesus and others to help us with that trash you will find joy and liberty that you cannot imagine.

  • The Redwood Forest Holds a Key to Community

    The Redwood Forest Holds a Key to Community

    My home church challenged me (and I suppose the rest of the congregation) with a thought provoking theme for 2020.

    Life On Purpose

    Pastor Jeff Denton and the staff at Waterbrook Bible Fellowship will be emphasizing being intentional about the important things in our lives. Real growth in relationships, faith, and maturity usually doesn’t just happen. My default is to go with the flow and the rationalizations for that are frighteningly easy.

    “Officer, I didn’t mean to speed and break the law. I was just going with the flow of traffic.” Think about that. My defense is that everybody else is breaking the law. Therefore, I am innocent.

    Since the Garden if Eden the automatic answer to sin and shortcomings is that it is someone else’s fault. That may be true at times. But that thinking will never result in becoming like Jesus. So I have to be intentional about confronting my own heart. Change is hard. Sharing my need to change with others is even harder.

    Several years ago I took the risk to trust three men with everything about me. We call ourselves the Redwood Brothers based on a unique characteristic of California’s redwood trees. A redwood alone in a forest might look magnificent but the first strong wind could destroy it. You see, the coastal redwoods have shallow root systems and cannot survive a storm alone. Their roots extend over one hundred feet from the base but just broadening the root base is not what makes these beautiful trees capable of surviving the worst storms. They stand strong by intertwining their roots with the roots of other redwoods. The winds are now taking on an entire stand of trees and not a single redwood. No matter how majestic those trees might appear God designed them to need other trees to survive the storms.

    That is exactly how we are designed. That describes the relationship I have forged with the three other men who gather every year to share weaknesses, fears, and frustrations. We are men who desire to follow Christ faithfully and love our wives and families well. Yet we, too, can have shallow root systems, and we need the strength of one another as we go through strong winds and floods together. Sharing our imperfect journeys in a safe space has resulted in remarkable breakthroughs. We have experienced what my friend John Lynch wrote about in The Cure.

    “What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more In the telling of it?”

    Dropping the pretense and engaging in real conversation about the difficulties of this journey with other honest wayfarers is a real way to become more like Jesus.

    The need for church community is clear. But it’s even more important to look at what Jesus modeled. Jesus knew hundreds of people. He traveled with dozens. He sent out seventy. He discipled twelve. And He invested deeply in three. Jesus’ inner circle consisted of Peter, James, and John. He confided in these three men on a deeper and more profound level than any of the other disciples. I’ve found the same results in my own life. My greatest growth has taken place since I risked trusting a small group of men.

    Legendary professor Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary says that every man needs three different types of individuals in his life: a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. Paul is the older man who will mentor you and offer you his experience. It has been hard for me to find older men these days, but I have been blessed with several over the years. Timothy is the young man whom you build into. But it’s Barnabas whom I track with the most, aptly described by Hendricks.

    A Barnabas is a soul brother, somebody who loves you but is not impressed by you. Somebody to whom you can be accountable. Somebody who’s willing to keep you honest, who’s willing to say, “Hey, man, you’re neglecting your wife, and don’t give me any guff!”

    What a great description of a true friend. Someone who loves you but is not impressed with you. Believe me these men are not impressed with me. But they love me. They want the best for me. They tell me the truth because I trust them with me and I have given them permission to speak truth with grace. I keep emphasizing the grace part. That is how God desires our community to look. I can only receive real love from you to the extent that you know the truth about who I really am.

    We all have blind spots in our hearts. I need a person who loves me enough to gently point them out.

    I hope you will find the courage to carefully trust someone with everything that is true about you. Maybe it starts with you being that person for someone else, to begin to see how it looks in practice. Finding a friend can be daunting and even paralyzing. Being a friend is something that all of us can do. We need each other. I hope you take the risk to be known. I give the last word(s) to Paul and his message to the church on Colossae. Marinate in these thoughts today.

    Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives.

    Colosssians 3:10-16, NLT

    Portions of this article from my book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.