Charisa Stories

Tag: Judgment

  • Stop Broad Brushing if You Really Care About Others

    One of the things that I struggle with the most in our current cultural climate is the broad brushing by all sides. What do I mean by that?

    If you disagree with someone’s faith or political opinion you automatically assign to them the worst values from the most extreme people proclaiming that message. Without knowing a single thing about the person’s story, their heart, or their background we are prone to throw down the gauntlet of judgment. 

    A lot of Christians have been unfairly targeted recently. Some deserve to be called to accountability. I have never had a problem with being honest about how I and many other followers of Jesus often fall short of representing the grace and love of Jesus. 

    That is just a fact. That doesn’t change who Jesus is.

    But one heartbreaking result is that the entire Christian faith is being dismissed and denigrated by a lot of people with social media influence. 

    With just a bit of internet searching I can find example after example of failed followers of Jesus. What is more challenging to find are stories about the millions who serve selflessly every day and without being noticed. Why do so many people sacrifice willingly to help those who give them very little or even nothing in return? 

    I know a standard answer is indoctrination as a child into this phony faith. That didn’t happen to me. I was not raised in the church as a child or brainwashed to believe. Another accusation is there is blind acceptance of faith without questioning. That is not my story either. I did a deep dive into my faith when I experienced doubts. I needed to see if I could stand firmly on what I believed. I can tell you there is intellectual depth in the Christian community that helped me sort through my questions with clarity and confidence. 

    I will be honest and tell you it is hard to read some of the comments that strangers have made about my faith. It is harder still to read and hear them from people I know. But that is the reality of the spiritual battle that all followers of Jesus face. 

    If it is true that there is an enemy who tries to destroy the claims of Christ then it makes total sense that the narrative he would push forward is entirely negative. The Enemy does not want the millions of stories of people making a difference capturing the limelight. That would illuminate the darkness of this fallen world with the hope of Jesus.

    So what should be our response to these attacks? Jesus made our response pretty clear.

    43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even unbelievers do that.” (Matthew 5:43-47, NLT)

    When you have the opportunity to talk to someone who opposes your faith you should ask to hear their story. Why do they have such strong feelings against God? Did something or someone cause that reaction? 

    It is amazing how hearing someone’s story can often soften your heart toward them. You have a much better understanding of why they react the way they do. And listening (really listening) can open a door to dialogue about your own journey and story. You will be acting as a true child of God.

    Occasionally I hear some kind things directed toward me. I am grateful for that but here is my honest response to those words. I might have some basic personality traits that were positive but I can say with 100% conviction that most of the things you like about me were cultivated, refined, and grown through the love of Jesus and the gentle teaching power of the Holy Spirit. 

    Own your failures. We all fall short. I am careful not to communicate that my desire is for an unbeliever to stop living in a particular way or to quit a sin I abhor. My message is to really get to know Jesus. In the movie the Jesus Revolution a church welcomed in young men and women who were doing drugs and living a life that many in the congregation deemed decadent. If the message had been clean up your life and then you can be part of our community the revival would have stopped cold. Instead the message was come to know Jesus and let Him show you how to change how you live. That happened millions of times during that remarkable revival. 

    It can still happen today. But I fear that God can not use me if I am busy broad brushing everyone I disagree with. I want to share His story without judging theirs. I am throwing away the broad brush. Will you join me?

  • Things I Can’t Afford to Forget

    I am always saddened by the all out sprint to judgement of people and institutions that make mistakes. It often seems the harshest comments come from people who ought to tap the brakes before they go there. These are folks that have made their own mistakes. Often they were offered second chances. My initial response was self-righteous indignation because, let’s be honest, I am good at that.

    Eventually the quiet voice of the Spirit reminds me that I have also been that guy who is quick to judge. I am that guy who tries to argue with God about forgiveness and whether someone “deserves” mercy. A little snippet from my book Stay addressed this very issue after Paul threw down an incredible statement to the Ephesian church.

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

    That is a very tall order and one that is impossible to do without remembering how much I have been forgiven. If you say something nasty about me and ask for forgiveness, I will almost certainly grant it. If you do it again and ask forgiveness, I will probably forgive you. If you do the same thing again and ask forgiveness, I will most likely respond ungraciously and ask you to “prove” you are sorry.

    Yet that illustration is exactly what I do in my relationship with God every day. I have asked Him to forgive the same sin dozens, even hundreds of times. Still His Word tells me I am forgiven and He loves me just the same as the first time I confessed that sin. That is how God has forgiven me through Christ. I should respond accordingly, forgiving each and every offense out of profound gratitude. Do you see any way around the obvious command to forgive? Me either.

    Bottom line: we are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven. Forgiveness may well be the missing ingredient to the healing of most relationships. Forgive the one who wounded you. Forgive yourself and seek forgiveness if you are the one who wounded. Perhaps your efforts will not result in reconciliation. That is sad but ultimately okay. What if the other person does not deserve to be forgiven? Consider Jesus as He looked down in agony from the cross.

    Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. (Luke 23:34, NLT)

    I can say with complete confidence that I have not endured the level of wounds, betrayal, mocking, and abuse that Jesus experienced. Yet He could look at those evil perpetrators and ask His Father to forgive them. That gives me some perspective. Perhaps my situations are forgivable, with His help and only with His help.

    I have spent a lot of unhappy moments not enjoying the freedom the Lord intended because I did not want to forgive someone who hurt me. I grieve to think of how I have stubbornly refused to forgive others for real and/or perceived slights over the years. I can imagine Jesus looking at me with sadness (not condemnation) because I have not fully comprehended the magnitude of the debt that has been erased from my account because of Him. I can hear Him saying,

    “Dave, when you choose to hold onto bitterness, you shortchange yourself on joy and peace.”

    If I cannot forgive, I have forgotten or never comprehended how much I have been forgiven.

    Taken from Stay by Dave Burchett copyright © 2015. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.

    How quickly I forget. I forget how much I have been forgiven. I forget how much I am loved by Jesus. I forget that I am a brand new creation. I forget I am righteous because of the finished  work of Christ. I forget that there is no condemnation in Christ. I forget that I am a beloved child of God and He is for me. I forget that He has my back and He has me in His hand forever. I am forgetful.

    But thank God He does not forget His promises. More than anything I need to not forget that today.

  • My Thoughts and Prayers About Thoughts and Prayers

    My Thoughts and Prayers About Thoughts and Prayers

    One of the social media trends after a tragedy or sad event is to attack people of faith for offering “thoughts and prayers”. These posters assume that anyone expressing those sentiments don’t really care about solutions to whatever problem is being addressed. We have lost the ability to recognize two things can be true at once. I may get mocked and/or canceled by some for the following statement.
    I honestly believe I can desire cultural change while praying for ultimate hope available through Christ. I don’t force that on others. I try to live it although I know I do that imperfectly. That is the power of grace. I don’t have to be perfect for God to use me to love others. So there is the challenge for Christians in this season. How can we love those who assign terrible motives to what may be a completely sincere response? We start by seeing if anything in the criticism is valid.

    I spent 40 years in television production trucks so rough language doesn’t impact me much. But I have to admit the language and anger directed toward Christians who express “thoughts and prayers” is stunning. It is easy to dismiss such vulgar statements with defensiveness and anger. I have learned that there are many ways to address criticism. For too many years my preferred method was outright dismissal with a side of disdain.

    I have been working on a project with former Pittsburgh Pirates manager Clint Hurdle. We discussed the criticism that both of us received in our careers. His was much more public than mine but I could at least relate. Clint said he learned to honestly evaluate even the ugliest criticism. He knew he could toss much of it away because he had evaluated his heart and motives in making a decision. But he also learned that sometimes there is a valid critique hiding in the vitriol. That bit of honest criticism is what he prayerfully took away while discarding the rest. So is there a lesson there for followers of Jesus?

    I think we can ask for God’s grace towards those who are judgmental and unkind. Believe me, I know that is not easy and not possible apart from His grace. I don’t mean the next statement to be condescending to those who do not share my faith because I have been on both sides. If I did not have the hope that there is more than this existence I would likely be just as frustrated and angry.

    So if my faith is real I need to back up, show kindness, and continue to love those who might not show those same reactions toward me.

    As for finding some valid criticism in the vitriol I will throw this out for you to “think and pray” about. When we type that we are sending “thoughts and prayers” I believe that Christians must also be looking for ways to show love through our actions. Thoughts and prayers need hands and feet displaying the love of Christ to have eternal impact.

    It is hard to spend much time in the New Testament and not realize our challenge for Christians toward those hurting, in need, and devoid of hope. Here is a very small sample: 

    If anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? (1 John 3:17 , ESV)

    What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
    (James 2:14-17, ESV)

    Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4 , ESV)

    The charge of hypocrisy leveled at the church has a lot to do with our obsession with sin management over living a life of kindness, grace, and service. If I am not living out of grace, then Jesus’ arms aren’t reaching as far as they could through me. Loving one another is clearly step one. The time to start making that a priority is today.

    So I am absolutely fine with your sincere expression of thoughts and prayers when people are hurting. But I am challenging myself and you to be willing to be the hands and feet that reflect the love of Christ. Don’t focus on the anger of those who don’t share your hope. Focus on the One who has given you hope in this challenging season and be a light in the darkness.

  • The Reset Button We Need For 2022

    The Reset Button We Need For 2022

    I think we are just beginning to recognize and unpack the damage caused by the pandemic lock downs. The separation of friends and families from normal interaction has left it’s toll on the culture. I would argue the effect has been even more profound on the church. If you are/were a faithful church participant you had likely bought into the truth that we need one another on this journey. Many of us have sacrificed that gift of one another to this insidious virus. I have seen responses and behaviors from churchgoers that surprised even me and I wrote a book called When Bad Christians Happen to Good People! I think the isolation may have exposed some baggage that had been buried under busyness and routine. More on that in next week’s musing.

    I am suggesting that we need to admit this separation has had a negative effect on most of us. It feels like patience is in record short supply and it is not a supply chain issue. The actions and words of others seem to agitate us more easily. The ability to discuss difficult topics with civility has become almost impossible. I don’t think those trends were a result of the pandemic but I do think its emotional and spiritual effect exacerbated it.

    So what do we do? Today I wanted to propose a reset button we can push to help reconfigure our hearts.

    Years ago an office supply company promoted a big red button that proclaimed “That Was Easy” every time you pushed it. Certainly nothing about today’s spiritual climate is easy but I am proposing a button we can mentally push when the feelings of anger, frustration, judgment, and even hatred bubble up. Push this button in your mind and hear these words.

    “We All Need Grace“

    Paul threw down a pretty straight forward statement to the Ephesian church.

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

    When my impulse is to judge someone I need to push the grace button and remember God pursued me with the gift of undeserved grace. In this rush to judgment social media culture it is so disgustingly easy to go to condemnation first. Remember when the woman caught in very obvious sin was brought before Jesus by a hyped up group of self-righteous judges. When He reminded the mob of their own heart condition they went quietly away.

    “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

    “No, Lord,” she said.

    And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

    Jesus knew her heart had changed. She didn’t need a lecture, spiritual discipline, or penance. She needed forgiveness, release from judgment, and hope. Jesus is our example. He pushed the grace button when the mob wanted condemnation.

    In 2022 I want to reset my heart from the damage done by isolation and cultural negativity. I need to push the grace button.

    If I can’t forgive then I have forgotten how much I have been forgiven. I need to push the grace button.

    When I look with disdain at another person I have forgotten how God sees them. That person is a soul that Jesus loves. I need to push the grace button.

    When I don’t accept another brother or sister I have forgotten that I was unacceptable to a Holy God and that it is only because of Jesus that I am acceptable to Him. I need to push the grace button.

    When I assume to know the motives of those who oppose me I have forgotten that only God can see the true hearts of others. I need to push the grace button.

    When I can’t serve without expectation of personal return I have forgotten that my service should come from gratitude for the amazing grace of Jesus. I need to push the grace button.

    Pastor Tullian Tchividjian wrote this about our “aversion” to the radical concept of grace.

    “We love the “if/then” proposition: “If” you do this, “then” I will do that. We love “what-goes-around-comes-around” conditionality. It makes us feel safe. It’s easy to comprehend. It makes perfect sense to our grace-shy hearts. It’s makes life formulaic. It breeds a sense of manageability. And best of all, it keeps us in control. We get to keep our ledgers and scorecards.

    The logic of grace, on the other hand, is incomprehensible to our law-locked hearts. Grace is thickly counter-intuitive. It feels risky and unfair. It wrestles control out of our hands. It is wild and unsettling. It turns everything that makes sense to us upside-down and inside-out. Law says, “Good people get good stuff; bad people get bad stuff.” Grace says, “The bad get the best; the worst inherit the wealth; the slave becomes a son.” This offends our deepest sense of justice and rightness. We are, by nature, allergic to grace.”

    We need to push the grace button and believe this wonderful truth written in Hebrews for another uncertain year ahead.

    So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)