Charisa Stories

Tag: legalism

  • Trust God To Ride With Us Down A Broken Road

    The sadness, division, and fear in our country feels like it will be here forever. How can you navigate the broken roads of this world?

     A song titled Bless the Broken Road was made popular by Rascal Flatts and the lyrics describe how difficulties are often teaching moments for future blessings.

    I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
    Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
    But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through

    It is so interesting to look back over the landscape of over five decades (yikes) of my journey with Jesus. I can see God’s hand in so many events and heartbreaks in my life. My early church experience was a broken road of legalistic and judgmental Christians who crushed the spirit of a young and fumbling Christian. That experience became the basis of my books. Sadly, many of us bear the wounds of dealing with imperfect people in the sometimes dysfunctional little gathering we call church. Still, God blessed that broken road in my life by bringing the message of grace into my journey.

    The broken road for me included the devastating death of a beloved nephew many years ago. At that point I was at a crossroads in my faith. I would either turn my back on God or get serious in my pursuit of Him. Along that broken road God brought a man named Wendel Deyo into my life. His life challenged me and he helped me stay on the narrow way. That relationship led to my association with Athletes in Action. And while on staff with AIA I met the lovely Joni Banks and we were married in 1976. And again, God blessed a broken road.

    This much I know is true
    That God blessed the broken road
    That led me straight to you
    Yes He did

    It is hard to imagine life without Joni. Her cancer forced me to realize the possibility of that. I am so grateful that she is a twenty year survivor and that she persevered in our relationship.

    I think about the years I spent, just passin’ through
    I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you

    I remember with great sadness the years I spent working too much, taking my bride for granted, telling her that the schedule would soon “ease up”. But it rarely did. I really wish I had that time back. I would give it to her in a heartbeat. 

    Another thing I stress to young couples and parents is make time for your mate and your children. It took me too long to realize the truth that our schedule reflects our priorities. But somehow Joni hung with me. She had traveled her own broken road.

    But you just smile and take my hand, you’ve been there you understand
    It’s all part of a grander plan, that is comin’ true

    The journey is not easy. Never will be. One of the big mistakes we make in sharing our faith is making it seem like all troubles are over when you embrace Christianity. That is not in the contract. We will still have problems and heartaches and even tragedies. King David wrote these words while escaping down a broken road.

    The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;       
    he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

    How can we best navigate our broken roads? We can learn from the story of Joshua who had the unenviable task of taking over for Moses to lead the people of Israel into the Promised Land. He had to feel inadequate and maybe even terrified. Moses had the wisdom of his many years to share with Joshua. 

    Then Moses called for Joshua, and as all Israel watched, he said to him, “Be strong and courageous! For you will lead these people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors he would give them. You are the one who will divide it among them as their grants of land. 8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (Deuteronomy 31:7-8, NLT)

    Moses was not saying that Joshua should be strong and courageous because of his great leadership ability or the strong army at his command. Moses did not say he should not be afraid or discouraged because he had been carefully groomed to take over. The reason for that hope was simple and profoundly true today. The Lord will be with you and He will neither fail you nor abandon you. 

    No matter how broken the road you are traveling might be you can know that your Father is with you in the struggle. Don’t be afraid to continue down the broken road. God promises to go with you. Always.

  • Recovering From Legalism Is A Challenge

    I was introduced to Christianity in a church that put a legalistic leash on my behavior. By strict rules they believed they could force me to live a holy life. You can imagine how that worked out for a teenager in the Sixties. Our denomination reminded me of characters from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. We did not have the dreaded knights who said, “Ni” but we definitely had the dreaded congregants who said, “No.”

    I’m certain there were several volumes filled with things that were forbidden and, not surprisingly, most of them were man-made rules. Here is a sample platter of no-no’s I was asked to follow.

    NO movies. (Might have been in violation)
    NO drinking. (Too young so I got holiness points for this one)
    NO mixed swimming. (I kid you not)
    NO television. (The temptation of Mr Ed, The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction was too strong. Violation.)
    NO cards. (More holiness points)
    NO rock-and-roll music. (Definitely in violation)
    NO smoking. (Nailed this one)
    NO slacks for women.
    NO long hair for men. (Deduct holiness points)
    NO makeup for women.

    I remember asking my godly grandmother what she thought about the no makeup rule. She smiled and gave this memorable reply. “If the barn needs a coat of paint I think you should paint it.” She was my first dispenser of grace.

    It’s not surprising that it took me a long time to figure out freedom in Christ. Ironically, there are a few verses that strongly emphasized the word “no” in the New Testament that our moralists somehow overlooked. For example, this little “no” verse would have come in handy (capitalization and italics added for emphasis).

    There is NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2, NLT

    That would have been a refreshing mist of grace to our parched flock. Or how about these “NO” verses?

    This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is NO fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:17-19, NIV

    “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There is NO commandment greater than these. Mark 12:30-31, NIV

    Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps NO record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, NLT

    I have been crucified with Christ and I NO longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Galatians 2:20-21, NIV

    That is a very different “no” list than the first one.

    NO condemnation.

    NO fear.

    NO commandment greater than to love God and your neighbor.

    NO record of wrongdoing when you love one another.

    NO longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.

    I can be holy because of Christ and not because of my anguished rule keeping. There is joy and freedom in that second list.

    NO kidding.

    Parts of this article excerpted from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

  • Grace is Wonderfully Messy

    Sometimes I just want to step away from people. I get tired. Living in honest community can be frustrating and discouraging. And then the song “Lean On Me” cycles up my playlist. That is not funny Lord. The lyrics sung by Bill Withers talks about being there for others.

    Sometimes in our lives
    We all have pain
    We all have sorrow

    But if we are wise
    We know that there’s
    Always tomorrow

    Lean on me, when you’re not strong
    And I’ll be your friend

    I confess that I struggle with the cost of walking in honest relationship with people. It is hard.

    I have come to understand why legalism is so much easier than grace. Legalism allows me to assess the situation and then apply a verse or assign a task. If that person rejects that Biblical admonition or task then legalism allows me to withdraw because they are disobedient. Grace does not give me that option. Grace demands that I move toward the struggle of my brother or sister and not away in judgment. No wonder grace is a tough sell.

    That is the glorious dichotomy of grace. Grace wears me out and lifts me up. Grace frustrates and exhilarates. My old nature screams that people who make bad decisions over and over get what they “deserve”. They don’t “deserve” to be pursued and loved and restored. They made their bed now let them lay in it. But there is a small quiet voice in my heart that tells me that they have value. That they are loved by their Creator. And that voice asks who am I to decide who “deserves” anything?

    A quote by Pastor Paul Donnan says it far better than I ever could.

    Grace doesn’t treat us better than we deserve. It treats us without the slightest reference to what we deserve. Grace ceases to be grace if God withdraws it upon any human failure. If Grace is in any way tied to something you do, then it is no longer a gift but a wage, and that’s not grace.

    And, to be selfish, the lyrics of Bill Withers tells me why it is in my own best interest to give grace willingly.

    I’ll help you carry on
    For it won’t be long
    Till I’m gonna need
    Somebody to lean on

    Yep. It is just a matter of time until I will be begging for grace for some stupid action or word. Paul knew that was true and reminded the Galatian Church.

    Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. (Galatians 6, The Message)

    Why are we so willing to receive grace and not extend it? Maybe the next lyric has a clue.

    Please swallow your pride
    If I have things
    You need to borrow
    For no one can fill

    Pride. Pride causes us to cover our needs because that would show weakness. Pride tells us to wear a mask of false joy so that others won’t know our shame and sin. Our Father in Heaven designed this journey to be lived in community. God knows that we need Him and we need one another. Healthy community is not unlike two parents being the healthiest community for children. Sometimes a child needs his or her father and sometimes only the mother can touch their need. In the same way there are times when only Abba Father can comfort my soul but at other times I need the community of fellow believers to get through.

    We all need somebody to lean on
    I just might have a problem
    That you’ll understand

    We all need somebody to lean on

    Yes it is hard to walk with the wounded. Yes it is frustrating to watch messy people make the same mistakes over and over. Yes it is tiring to give grace to the needy. But my heart’s desire remains the same. I want to follow the game plan of Paul in the book of Acts.

    But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. (Acts 20:24, NLT)

  • Tired? Feeling Defeated? You’re Ready for Grace!

    Recently I had the opportunity to see Willie Nelson performing at the age of 90. I had forgotten that my music list had a thought provoking song from Willie called “I’m Tired”. Hearing the lyrics of “I’m Tired” again caused a lot of reflection, a bit of sadness, and prayer.

    The narrative tells about the life of a factory worker who is, sadly, merely going through the motions of life.

    Married Rebecca back in seventy-seven
    I still love her and I guess she loves me too
    We go to church on Sundays `cause we want to go to heaven
    Me and my family, ain`t that how you`re supposed to do

    That describes so many people that I know. Tired of their job. Treading water in their relationship. Going to church because they don’t know what else to do. It is particularly sad that so many Christians settle for a faith that leaves them discouraged and prone to sing the chorus of this song.

    But I`m tired, Lord I`m tired
    Life is wearin` me smooth down to the bone
    No rest for the weary, ya just move on
    Tired, Lord I`m tired

    This song penetrated my heart because that was me for so many years. After four decades of uneven striving I was simply tired. I was resigned to stubbornly stumbling toward the finish line so I could finally find joy in glory. The following excerpt is from the revised version of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and it reflects the change in my heart.

    My fear of cheap grace and being soft on sin had led me into a dead end path of moralism and legalism. Legalism takes the sweet Gospel of Jesus Christ and mixes in some “churchified” version of the law. Church by-laws occupy equal footing with God’s Word. Righteousness is no longer about Christ but about right behavior as only they define it. Legalism cherry picks verses that support behavioral control while conveniently ignoring dozens of verses about grace, forgiveness, kindness, love, gentleness, and forbearance.

    Focusing on right behavior can make you a moral and good person. It does not make you righteous. Such focus is not much different (if at all) from an agnostic or sporadic church-goer who really tries hard to do right and moral things. Tim Keller wrote this provocative thought about legalism in his wonderful book The Reason for God.

    The devil, if anything, prefers Pharisees—men and women who try to save themselves. They are more unhappy than either mature Christians or irreligious people, and they do a lot more spiritual damage. 

    Without a doubt. I have been damaged. I have seen loved ones damaged. I have damaged others. I hate legalism but I don’t hate legalists. I hurt for them. I suspect they are as tired, miserable and wondering what happened to their once joyous message of the Gospel as I was.

    Righteousness is entirely because of Christ. Nothing I have done or will do will make me righteous. I spent decades trying to be “righteous”. When I hit a dry spell I would try harder, read more books, buck up, and beat myself up because I felt so distant from God. Lots of helpful Christian friends would faithfully remind me that God hadn’t moved so it had to be me. So I disliked myself more and tried harder and God seemed even more distant. I wrote a book about what to do with lambs that are wounded by the church and THEN I got wounded again by the church. It was like God was mocking me. I had reached the end of my spiritual rope. I cried out to Jesus something deep and insightful along these lines.

    “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!”

    God does not get insulted by all-caps. In fact, I picture Jesus smiling at that point because I was finally ready to trust Him and not myself. I had reached the point of brokenness that allowed me to really let Him into my heart. I reached the point where I no longer had to be right. I had reached the point where I didn’t want to wear a phony mask of holiness. I had reached the point where I was willing to trust God completely with everything about me. I had reached the point where I was ready for grace. I had reached the point where I was willing to believe what God says is true about me. That I am completely forgiven. I am completely loved. I am completely changed because of Christ. I am completely empowered with the Holy Spirit to mature into all of those things that are already true about me. I am righteous not because of anything I have done but entirely because of Christ.

    If you are tired enough, discouraged enough, wounded enough and ready to scream you can’t do this anymore then I have good news. You are ready for grace. I am not the same guy who wrote the first edition of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People. Writing that manuscript was part of a refining process that God used to bring me to the Throne of Grace and then to begin to create a room of grace around me.

    God is waiting for you to experience His grace. Legalism is a dead end street to misery. There is a better road. What have you got to lose?

    Start by Meditating on this familiar passage from Matthew 11.

    Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

  • The Yoke of Jesus is Easy? Really?

    The Yoke of Jesus is Easy? Really?

    This has been a tough season of life for many people I care deeply about. My heart feels heavy as I remember the words of Jesus.

    “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

    I wrote about this passage in my book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.

    What did Jesus mean by that statement, “My yoke is easy”? Clearly, the burdens of life are heavy. There is nothing easy about heartache, pain, and loss.

    I reread Jesus’ inviting words: “Come to me.” No one needs to go through life’s difficulties alone, but the truth is that Jesus will not force Himself on you. The wonderful news is you have permission to come to Jesus whenever you are ready.

    In Jesus’ day, oxen were harnessed together with a wooden yoke, a beam that fit over the animals’ shoulders to keep them moving together in one direction. The oxen shared the effort to accomplish the task. That idea fit quite well into my performance-driven faith. Of course Jesus is with me, but I decided that I had to pull my weight. The only problem with my view was that it was unbiblical and even dangerous.

    In this passage Jesus is not speaking of physical burdens. Jesus was talking about the yoke of the Torah, the yoke of the law of Moses, which his Jewish listeners would have known well. The Old Testament yoke represented submission to authority. The Jews knew that the law was impossible to keep, but they kept trying. Jesus was offering them His yoke of grace. Compared to the impossible standards of the Pharisees and the law, His way was easy. Agreed.

    Jesus makes another important offer. “Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart.”

    For years, I strained to pull my weight by self-effort, while Jesus quietly offered a better way. I don’t have to figure this out to be loved by Jesus. I just need to be available.

    “Let me teach you.”

    I wore myself out trying to do more to please Him, even as He whispered, “I am humble and gentle at heart. Your trust and faith pleases Me, not your joyless self-efforts to be better.”

    Members of that agrarian culture of Jesus’ time would have known that you train a young ox by pairing it with an experienced ox. The mature ox would carry the bulk of the burden as the younger one walked by its side and learned. That is a beautiful image. Jesus walking alongside me, but carrying the bulk of the burden (if not all of it) as I learn from Him. I don’t need to strain myself in an attempt to shoulder everything on my own; Jesus wants me to be willing to gently submit to His strength and not rely solely on mine. He is extending an offer to those who are exhausted, emotionally drained, and buckling under what life brings. Pain and loss are a given in this life, but it is comforting to know that I can find rest for my weary soul, even as I grieve and doubt and waver. When I am exhausted, I can take time and seek respite in Him.

    Corrie Ten Boom wisely wrote these words. “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.” That strength is found in Jesus. He is your strength and your hope. Keep your eyes on Jesus and the words of a classic old church hymn will begin to ring true in your heart.

    Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
    Look full in His wonderful face,
    And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
    In the light of His glory and grace.

  • Ready for a Better Way?

    Ready for a Better Way?

    Even occasional readers of my humble ramblings know that the start of my faith narrative was mired in legalism. My first church believed you could not spell denomination without “no”. Starting from that faulty foundation led me to years of sadness, tiredness and performance bondage.

    I replayed my long and fragmented journey to grace and freedom as I listened to a song from Hillside United titled, “From the Inside Out”.

    One thousand times I’ve failed
    Still your mercy remains
    Should I stumble again
    I’m caught in your grace

    Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades

    I remembered day after day of agonizing self-loathing because I kept failing. I did not understand His mercy nor did I believe I could fall on His grace. I was taught that such an attitude showed a lack of obedience and a dependence on “cheap grace”. Somehow I missed the message of Jesus to the religious hypocrites as I was influenced by the preaching of shame.

    I was released from that doctrinal prison just a few years ago. Moralism is answering to the wrong source of authority. Legalists often default to religious traditions rather than the Word of God.

    Legalism takes the sweet Gospel of Jesus Christ and mixes in some “churchified” version of the law. Church by-laws occupy equal footing with God’s Word. Righteousness is no longer about Christ but about right behavior as only they can define it. Legalism cherry picks verses that support behavioral control while conveniently ignoring dozens of verses about grace, forgiveness, kindness, love, gentleness and forbearance.

    Focusing on right behavior can make you moral and perhaps a good person. It does not make you righteous. Such focus is not much different (if at all) from an agnostic or sporadic church-goer who really tries hard to do right and moral things. Tim Keller wrote this provocative thought about legalism in his wonderful book The Reason for God.

    “The devil, if anything, prefers Pharisees—men and women who try to save themselves. They are more unhappy than either mature Christians or irreligious people, and they do a lot more spiritual damage.”

    I spent many long and frustrating years trying to do all the right things to be righteous. I got tired. I became discouraged. I reached the point of brokenness that allowed me turn over the keys to Christ. I reached the point where I no longer had to be right. I had reached the point where I didn’t want to wear a phony mask of holiness. I had reached the point where I was willing to trust God completely with everything about me. I had reached the point where I was ready for grace. And that is the day that I began to experience what Hillside United sings about in today’s song.

    My heart and my soul
    I give you control
    Consume me from the inside out

    Let justice and praise become my embrace
    To love you from the inside out

    And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise from the inside out

    That is where real change happens. From the inside out. Moralism can restrain sin but only the Holy Spirit gives you the power to not sin. Moralism will always fail. Either you will fail to live up to your standards or you will fail by damaging those you love.

    If you are tired enough, discouraged enough, wounded enough and ready to give up then I have a very odd statement to make.

    You are in a wonderful place. You are ready for grace.

    Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. (Romans 6, NLT)

    You are ready for change from the inside out. God is waiting for you to experience His grace. Legalism is a dead end street to misery. There is a better way to live.

    In freedom.

    In Christ.

    (Waking Up Slowly offers a 21 day journey to connect more fully to God and one another.
    Check it out here.)