Charisa Stories

Tag: relationships

  • I Really Need To Adopt This Calendar Lesson From Jesus


    Nowhere in Scripture will I find this command.

    “Be busy, and know that I am God.”

    My busyness does not please God. My faith pleases Him. And I can’t have faith and trust in someone I am too busy to know well. Day in and day out, I need to heed this truth:

    “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

    I have a remarkable role model named Jesus for how to balance busyness and priorities. Jesus never allowed the tyranny of the urgent to supersede the ultimately more important reward of relationships. He didn’t feel the need to drive Himself to exhaustion to teach and preach.

    “Then, leaving the crowds outside, Jesus went into the house.” Matthew 13:36

    It is instructive that Jesus withdrew from the crowd (and the obligation I likely would have felt) to spend time with His disciples. The most important thing for Jesus was to prepare His disciples and not to “friend” several hundred people on an ancient FaceScroll. Clearly, it was valuable for Jesus to be teaching the crowds. But His relationship to His ministry “family” superseded the public gathering priority.

    Jesus gave another example of schedule priorities:

    “Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and head across the lake to Bethsaida, while he sent the people home. After telling everyone goodbye, he went up into the hills by himself to pray.” Mark 6:45-46

    Jesus understood that He must say no to people who really wanted His attention in order to spend time doing what mattered most. This passage follows Jesus’ miraculous feeding of five thousand people. If I had performed such a feat, I would have hung around for hours to soak up the praise and accolades, sign a few autographs, and take some selfies. But Jesus knew what He needed in that moment. Time with His Father.

    I need to know when to say no. Busyness does not define my worth. Being a schedule martyr does not make me more righteous. Over-scheduling keeps me from spending time with the One who gives His righteousness to me.

    Why does that happen time and time again to followers of Jesus? My personal belief is that one of the biggest and most damaging mistakes that the church makes with new believers is not teaching clearly and continually what happens when you put your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. It seems that we too often get young Christians immediately into studies and activities, suggesting that change can happen only when you are trying hard and concentrating on the spiritual disciplines.

    That was my struggle for forty years before I realized a simple truth. Dramatic change took place the moment I made that faith commitment to follow Jesus. Scripture tells me that when I decided to become a follower of Christ, the following things happened immediately:

    ·      I was given a new identity.

    ·      I became a new creation.

    ·      I received the gift of the righteousness of Christ.

    I struggle with that concept because I am not always righteous in my behavior. That may well be the biggest understatement of my writing career. Here is the amazing theology of the gospel: God sees me as righteous and worthy because of my relationship with Jesus. Nothing I have done or ever will do could earn that righteousness. It is a gift of grace because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross.

    I was changed completely when I put my trust in Christ as my only hope for salvation. I did not have to struggle with futile performance to change. I was changed that day. But it  took me forty years to know Him better, never realizing I had been carrying around the key to that kind of relationship since day one.

    Now I see a different picture. I see Jesus standing at my side and explaining that I am completely changed. I see Him telling me that my sins are forgiven and I can quit relitigating past mistakes. I see Him explaining to me that all of those things that used to be true about me are no longer true. I see Him repeating that, because I tend to nod my head without really absorbing it.

    He reminds me gently that I don’t have to grit my teeth and try harder to win favor and please Him. I hear Him remind me that power over sin is looking to Him for my strength and not trying to fight it with my busyness and resolve.

    I see Jesus looking deeply into my eyes and tenderly expressing (again) that it is my trust in God that pleases Him. No other works are required. My faith is what pleases Him according to God’s Word. Nothing else.

    I have a hard time putting my full weight on those truths. But I have learned that we can disabuse ourselves today of the notion that busyness is somehow related to godliness. Allow yourself time to spend with the most important people in your life. Schedule time with Jesus. Don’t allow guilt to monopolize your calendar. Carve out time for friends, family, and yourself.

    If Jesus could leave disappointed throngs behind for what was important, we should withdraw for recharging and time with God too. Be still, and know that God loves you and desires you. Your actions will naturally emerge from that loving relationship with Him.

    Reminder to myself.


    I don’t have to earn that love. It is already mine. Forever.

  • The Key to Healthy Relationships

    I discovered a couple of years ago that a talented musician/producer/singer/songwriter from my hometown of Chillicothe, Ohio is my second cousin! Jerry Salley’s career in bluegrass, country, and gospel music has been remarkably successful.

    I am not sure how I missed knowing that but count me grateful I found out. His album, Bridges and Backroads, features a tribute to our mutual hometown of Chillicothe.

    One song resonates in my heart every time I listen to the album. Without Forgiveness opens during a wedding ceremony as the writer observes the starry-eyed love of a young couple. They are beginning a journey the lyricist knows will not always be idyllic. Relationships are hard and often messy. The chorus of the song sums up what that journey could look like if you choose the path of selfishness and pride.

    Without forgiveness,
    Life’s a long and empty road.
    Without forgiveness,
    We’d give up and just let go.

    I’ve had a long term and probably unhealthy envy of songwriters who can say more in a stanza that I can blabber out in a lengthy chapter. And this next lyric is powerful.

    Oh we never want to hurt each other,
    That’s just somethin’ that were gonna’ do

    We let often let relationships get away from us when we had no intention of wounding that person. Most of us bring baggage into relationships that can cause hurt. We can act out of childhood rejection and painful life experiences in ways we don’t even understand. But God has given us the tool to keep going.

    Forgiveness.

    Ruth Graham was once asked the key to making a marriage successful. Her insightful response was that “a great marriage is made up of two great forgivers.”

    The math is important there. It takes two great forgivers that understand this relational journey requires patience, love, grace, and forgiveness from both partners. Jerry Salley asks the question that many have had answered with heartbreaking results.

    And I hate to think what might become of me and you
    Without forgiveness

    There is a hope that is available to all of us. The song finishes by looking back to a blood stained hill on a Friday afternoon long ago. 

    People on a hillside stand there lookin’ up.
    To a Cross that says there’d be no hope for us,
    Without forgiveness

    That forgiveness from the finished work of our Lord Jesus Christ is the gift of grace that changes everything. 

    I imagine the heart of Jesus is saddened by our stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness as the primary power to help us forgive others.

    There is fear on that road to forgiveness when you take your eyes off of Christ. Your heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds us gently that He understands.

    When you break those chains of fear and allow God to heal your heart the weight of the world will lift off of your soul. It is a long road to forgiveness. Sadly, it is too often the road less taken. But it is the road that will make a difference in your journey with Jesus.

    Satan knows all too well how a world shown God’s love and grace would respond. So the enemy reminds us of grudges both real and enhanced. We turn from forgiveness because we decide our offender does not deserve it. There is no way I have found to release those grudges without the healing power of forgiveness. Author Will Davis wrote this powerful insight.

    “Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground of emotional recovery. Forgiveness is to your soul what antibiotics are to infection. It is the curative agent that will help to fully restore your soul. It doesn’t immediately remove the pain of offense but it does start you on the road to recovery.”

    I really like that perspective. The decision to forgive initiates but does not complete our healing. You will, in time, heal. I am asking you to pray that you can begin the healing process of forgiveness knowing that only time and God’s mercy can fully heal. That will start you down that road to forgiveness and empowerment to let go of the grudges that are weighing you down. You may not get there today or tomorrow. But you will never get there without taking the first step of faith. Paul reminds us that we have a powerful reason to be forgiving.

    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

    We have been forgiven. We did not deserve that gift. Without forgiveness life’s a long and empty road. It doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus offers forgiveness. Accept that gift and give it freely to others. It is a much happier road to travel.

  • Can’t “Duck” This Vital Need

    Can’t “Duck” This Vital Need

    I remember sitting with Joni outside a little cabin near Fredericksburg, Texas when a flock of eight ducks noisily left the pond and waddled toward us. They lined up and quacked expectantly. If I spoke duck I suspect the translation would have been something like the famous quote from Caddyshack.

    “Hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.”

    We fed the ducks some cereal flakes and apparently that was an acceptable offering. Every time we went out on our porch the ducks would waddle over and wait for their snack. Joni and I were fascinated by their behaviors. They always stayed together. There was a clear leader of the pack and when the leader decided it was time to move on to other activities the seven dutifully followed. They swam at the same time. Groomed at the same time. They slept at the same time. They were created to thrive in community. So are we.

    Here is an excerpt from my book Stay about living in community.

    We were created to be in a community with other believers. Because of our unity in Christ, we are to embrace those different from ourselves. That’s what makes a church dynamic to a person who experiences grace and acceptance for the first time. And that is why church can be devastating when the congregation becomes selective, judgmental, and legalistic. Anne Lamott shares a thought-provoking observation: “You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

    That is both an ouch and an amen statement. When differences result in judgment, what we thought was a safe place instead becomes the biggest betrayal of all. When we become “experienced” Christians, something seems to happen. We can lose touch with our former brokenness and sinfulness and desperate need to be forgiven and accepted. That is when the pretense begins that our holiness is based on performance instead of complete dependence on Christ.

    Years ago I wrote When Bad Christians Happen to Good People. I envisioned a church that would be the kind of place that you couldn’t keep people away from even if you barred the doors. A place that would value every spiritual, physical, and financial gift, no matter how big or small. A place that would make it a practice to reach out and care for one another sacrificially. A place committed to meet those needs that we now prefer to leave to the “professional Christians” on staff. I dreamed of people from different walks of life, economic status, and culture being involved in each other’s lives without our differences dividing us. A place that would practice the prodigal son ministry, running to welcome those returning home, especially those scarred by bad decisions and sin. We would hold our brothers and sisters accountable to godly standards, but always in humility and grace. We would delight in the company of other spiritual travelers and make it a priority that no one ever felt alone.

    I realize now that what I was longing for was a place of grace.

    I know that finding and living in real community in our culture isn’t easy. I understand how easy it is to want to throw in the towel. I almost did. The truth is that we need community, even if we’ve been hurt by bad relationships in the past. If you aren’t in a community of grace, it may be time to ask God to lead you to such a place. I know that can be daunting. It took me a long time to find such a place, but I found one. It took me a longer time to realize how God was redeeming every hurt, every slight, and every trial. Eventually, I was able to see how He’d been preparing me, especially through those hard times, to embrace and welcome grace in a whole new way.

    I have been swept away by grace. My life—including my relationship with Jesus, my marriage, and my ministry—have been transformed. It’s been that dramatic.

    Taken from Stay by Dave Burchett copyright © 2015. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.