Charisa Stories

Tag: Waking Up Slowly Book

21 Connect: Day 13 – Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Comparison is poison to the soul. I either contrast myself to someone doing something better than me and feel downcast, or I measure myself to someone failing and feel better.

Perhaps that is my cue to refer to the Instruction Manual again. Paul writes about this very problem that was happening in the church at Corinth:

Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Writer Ann Voskamp notes that we try to measure how we are doing with imperfect—and even dangerous—measuring sticks:

Measuring sticks try to rank some people as big and some people as small—
but we aren’t sizes. We are souls. There are no better people or worse people—there are only God-made souls. There is no point trying to size people up, no point trying to compare—because souls defy measuring.

At the beginning of my book Waking Up Slowly I quoted Psalm 139, detailing how God uniquely wove together each of our individual DNA to create the one and only me and the one and only you. He knew us before we were formed, and He has ordained our days. Paul unpacks that even more in Ephesians:

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Ephesians 1:11-12 , The Message)

I am not an accident. I have a purpose in God’s plan. I have a role in God’s overall purpose. And I have a specific calling as a gift of grace. Being content with who you are really is a heart issue grounded in the truth of who you are according to Scripture.

How I wish that I could see myself as God sees me. Because of what Christ did on my behalf, God sees me as a saint. Forgiven. Valuable. Needed. What I often see is the same old failure who can’t dance, fix anything, or live consistently for God.

We see those smiling families and couples on social media and think they
are experiencing some alternate life that has eluded us. I’m sorry to break the news, but there are no perfect people or perfect families.

My fear is that we have created a culture where we feel there is something wrong with us if we are hurting. If I am struggling, I must be doing something wrong spiritually. Shouldn’t God meet this need? What is wrong with me? The fact that God created me with a desire to be in community
tells me that part of His plan is for me to be helped by other members of the body of Christ. But I think I am falling short by comparing myself to false images of people who are not being real.

Anne Lamott weighs in with her typical, unvarnished
honesty:

“Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.”

Being broken, clingy, scared, and screwed up is spiritual soil prep for the seed of grace to grow.

I am not sure if writer John Mason had a biblical worldview in mind when he came up with the title for his book “You’re Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy”, but he is theologically spot on. We are uniquely and completely designed for our roles in the body of Christ. Don’t try to imitate another part. The biggest danger to missing our lines in the production
called life is comparison. Relax and be you. No one compares
to you!

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly.

April 1, 2020
21 Connect: Day 12 – Kindness is Contagious

The apostle Paul laid out the challenge for followers of Jesus in his letter to the church in Ephesus:

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

I used to be impressed by talent and prestige. Now I find that I am more impressed by kindness. Billy Graham observed how we all—especially children—benefit from a little kindness:

“Often the only thing a child can remember about an adult in later years, when he or she is grown, is whether or not that person was kind.”

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the sadness and problems around me. Sometimes I think it is a hopeless world we live in. But I can do something. I can be kind. Edward Everett Hale once said, “I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do.”

I am not trying to shovel guilt on you or myself. Maybe we should be more intentional about being the body of Christ, rather than relying on government programs to do our job for us. I want the grace that God has given me to make my heart sensitive toward the poor as well as toward hurting and spiritually seeking people. It is hard to spend much time in the New Testament and not realize our challenge to be the body of Christ. Here is a very small sample:

If anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 1 John 3:17 , ESV

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
James 2:14-17, ESV

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 , ESV

The charge of hypocrisy leveled at the church has a lot to do with our obsession with sin management over living a life of kindness, grace, and service. If I am not living out of grace, then Jesus’ arms aren’t reaching as far as they could through me. Kindness is clearly step one.

Kindness doesn’t require great skill or advanced degrees. I can be kind with a PhD or a GED. I do not have to like someone to be kind. I have to remember that kindness means disconnecting from devices, so I can actually see and react to those around me. Kindness is powerful. Kindness tears down walls. Kindness builds trust.

Kindness shows the love of Christ through my imperfect efforts. As a Christian, kindness gives those I encounter a reason to listen to my message of redemption and grace. In return, I will be changed, receiving the greater gift.

I think writer Alexander MacLaren summarized it beautifully:
“Kindness makes a person attractive. If you would win the world, melt it, do not hammer it.”

Kindness is contagious and that is something we should run toward and not distance from. Especially now.

Taken from Waking Up Slowly

March 31, 2020
21 Connect: Day 10 – Gratitude Rhymes with Attitude

Gratitude is a mind-set, and I am praying that the response of appreciation can become a lifestyle for me, with some practice. It is easy to be grateful for the good things. Accepting with thankfulness the bad and sorrowful takes faith and trust that God is faithful with His children. I cannot claim to be grateful until I can simply say thank you for everything that comes my way, recognizing that every event will bring joy, character, perseverance, or ultimately, glory to God.

Roman philosopher Cicero wrote that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” Hmmm. I can see how that plays out. I forgive others out of gratitude for my own forgiveness. I give grace because I am grateful I was offered grace when I did not merit that gift. I give to those less fortunate out of gratitude for my financial blessings. Cicero might have been on to something.

The psalmist knew the power of giving thanks for the blessings of life.

On your feet now—applaud God!
Bring a gift of laughter,
sing yourselves into his presence.
Know this: God is God, and God, God.
He made us; we didn’t make him.
We’re his people, his well-tended sheep.
Enter with the password: “Thank you!”
Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
Thank him. Worship him.
For God is sheer beauty, all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever.
P s a l m 1 0 0 : 1 – 5 , The Message

I got a chuckle thinking about having to log in to access God in prayer. Using the password “thank you” would be a pretty good way to prepare my heart, and a reminder every time to appreciate all of my blessings.

I know that some seasons of life are difficult, and some days you just hope to survive. But I think that the majority of us would admit that we can find something to be grateful for, even in moments of frustration. Gratitude is the stabilizer for my spiritual walk. I think I can make a pretty good case that growing a grateful heart is the foundational attitude of the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

It is that important. Gratitude keeps me from envy, if I can mentally pivot to the many things I am blessed to enjoy. Gratitude keeps me from anger, if I can be grateful for how patient God is with my myriad of shortcomings. Gratitude keeps me from frustration, when it reminds me how much worse things could be. I have programmed a trigger into my gratitude response.

When I start getting cranky about my back pain, I think of those who live in constant pain. I become grateful that my pain is not constant, and I am reminded to pray for them. A simple mind- set change can take me from self-pity to prayer for others. I am also being prompted to pray for anyone who makes me angry with his or her thoughtlessness or rudeness. What is hurting that person’s heart so much that the response is filled with such venom? Full disclosure . . . I am not there yet. But when I can respond with an attitude of gratitude, it is the most freeing feeling. Maybe that is the best way to be grateful consistently. When I get outside my little world and see the suffering and sadness around me, I fall to my knees in thanksgiving for how fortunate I am.

Do everything without complaining and
arguing, so that no one can criticize you.
Live clean, innocent lives as children of
God, shining like bright lights in a world
full of crooked and perverse people.
Philippians 2 : 14 – 15

March 29, 2020
21 Connect: Day 9 – Grudges Weigh You Down

Carrying a grudge is so easy to do. But I think this writer nails how counterproductive the practice really is.

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

William H. Walton

I think we can all agree that God is not honored when we hold grudges, especially against fellow believers. I can disagree with you, but unless the issue is heresy, I do not have permission to dismiss you. We need to iron it out and make up.

That is not the easiest path. My default response when I am wronged is usually sinful, and I take a little comfort that I am not unique. A couple of guys who were really close to Jesus had the same sinful response to bad behavior:

He sent messengers ahead to a Samaritan village to prepare for his arrival. But the people of the village did not welcome Jesus because he was on his way to Jerusalem. When James and John saw this, they said to Jesus, “Lord, should we call down fire from heaven to burn them up?” Luke 9:52-54

My response? You betcha! Fire! Bring it, Jesus! But what was His response?

Jesus turned and rebuked them. So they went on to another village. Luke 9:55-56

As much as my heart cries out for vindication and revenge, Jesus says no. You go on to the next village. You trust God. You forgive. This journey is hard because my sense of justice says that maybe they deserve fire from heaven. But it gets even tougher. Jesus says to forgive my enemies.

I resist with my well-rehearsed five-step program. Step one is to blame someone else. Step two is to vow not to back down and give in because, after all, I was wronged. Step three is to go into hiding and despair. Step four is to be too proud to lose the battle. Step five is to hang on to the grudge, even as the weight of that animosity crushes my spirit. That is an ugly little sequence, but it is a pattern I have repeated far too many times in my journey. I imagine Jesus’ heart is saddened by my stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness extended to me and, consequently, my refusal to lean on His power to forgive.

There is fear on that road to forgiveness, when I take my eyes off of Christ. My heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff, or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds me gently that He understands. And it is the right thing to do, no matter how the other party responds.

Sometimes truth is irritating.

When I break those chains and allow God to heal my heart, the weight of the world is lifted off my soul. Sadly, too often, it is the road less taken. But it is the path that will make a difference in my (and your) journey with Jesus.

I love these principles of Christian living, often attributed to St. Augustine:

“In essentials, Unity. In non-essentials, Liberty. In everything, Love.”

What would the impact of the gospel be if the body of Christ lived by that simple little credo? Satan knows all too well how a world that is shown God’s real love and grace would respond. So the enemy reminds me of grudges both real and enhanced. I turn from forgiveness because I convince myself that my offender does not deserve it. I conveniently forget that I did not deserve forgiveness either. There is no way I have found to release those grudges without the healing power of forgiveness. Author Will Davis Jr. explains:

Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground of emotional recovery. Forgiveness is to your soul what
antibiotics are to infection. It is the curative agent that will help to fully restore your soul. It doesn’t immediately remove the pain of the offense but it does start you on the road to recovery.

I really like that perspective. The decision to forgive initiates but does not complete healing. You and I will, in time, heal. But we will never get there without taking the first step of faith. Would you decide to lighten your load today and give up the grudge?

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly.

March 28, 2020
21 Connect: Day 8 – The Past Does Not Define Us

I used to spend a lot of time agonizing about the past. It can be just as dangerous to romanticize the past, thinking that life today is never going to be as good as it once was.

I love this E. L. Doctorow quote about writing:

“It’s like driving a car at night: you never see further than your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way.”

That is profoundly simple and true. I think this principle applies to writing, living, and especially for living a life of faith. Life is a fog. I wish I could see farther ahead on my journey, but the truth is, I cannot. I can see only as far as the light that illuminates my path. Because I’m a Christian, that is all I really need to know. Christ, my Light, reassures me that I can (and will) make the whole trip in that way. But there is fear in the unknown of the future, and it is easy to dwell in the predictable events of the past.

Not dwelling in the past is a huge issue to address on my journey to slow down, disconnect, and reconnect in healthier ways, both spiritually and relationally. I am learning a lot about what a mess I am. I am pretty sure most of those close to me were already aware of this.

Paul described his past to the church at Philippi. He wrote that what he used to view as valuable he now viewed as garbage, compared to the priceless value of knowing Christ. He explained his desire to know Christ better. And then Paul gave a note of encouragement and a path to achieve that goal by focusing on Christ and always moving forward.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 3 : 13-14

That is the plan. I forget the past, look forward, and then take one stride at a time to the finish line. I can’t backpedal and finish the race. I can’t run in place and finish the race. I can’t take one mighty leap to finish the race. I certainly can’t stop and finish the race. It is about putting one foot in front
of the other.

Satan wants desperately to have me wallow in regret or shame of the past. Followers of Christ have an escape plan. It’s not always easy to implement. Sometimes professional counseling is needed to break the chains. But the power for healing is there. Bible teacher and author Warren Wiersbe offers a good perspective on this challenge, as he analyzes how Paul related to the past.

“Forgetting those things which are behind” does not suggest an impossible feat of mental and psychological gymnastics by which we try to erase the sins and mistakes of the past. It simply means that we break the power of the past by living for the future. We cannot change the past, but we can change the meaning of the past. There were things in Paul’s past that could have been weights to hold him back (1 Tim. 1:12-17), but they became inspirations to speed him ahead. The events did not change, but his understanding of them changed.”

I can’t magically erase the events and pain of prior events, but I can break their power. I can change the meaning of the past. I can live for the future. I can believe that I am a new creation because of the finished work of Christ. And I can begin to see myself as God sees me. God knows all of that bad stuff about me, but He chooses not to remember any of it. When the Accuser tries to convict me of those events, his indictments fall on deaf ears. The past does not define me; Jesus does. Prior events and hurts do not defeat me, because I can advance, one step at a time, toward the goal set before me.

The danger of dwelling on the past is wonderfully put by this quote from Michael McMillan.

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

The past is forgiven. The future is in God’s hands. Let’s trust Him in this moment.

March 27, 2020
21 Connect: Day 6 – Through the Eyes of Children

In 1971, I was working as a local disc jockey in Chillicothe, Ohio. Yes, I am that old. The world was a scary place in the late 60’s and early 70’s, and my generation was determined to make a difference. Our hearts were in the right place, but our strategy was flawed. We thought political change was the answer. I have since learned that changing the hearts of men and women is the answer, and that happens best through a redemptive and real relationship with Jesus.

One of the songs that impacted me deeply during my early DJ days was compiled by a Los Angeles disc jockey named Tom Clay. He remixed two hit songs from the sixties—“What the World Needs Now Is Love” and “Abraham, Martin and John,” adding audio clips to create a compelling social commentary.

The medley is as powerful today as when I listened to it as a young radio announcer. The record begins with a child being interviewed about the meaning of segregation and bigotry, but the youngster clearly has no idea what those words mean.

Then Clay powerfully integrates excerpts of speeches by John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., and Ted Kennedy’s eulogy for his assassinated brother, Robert. Those moments are intercut with sound bites of news coverage of their tragic deaths and other news stories.

At the time, I didn’t realize the implications of how volatile our country was during that period. My parents rarely shared their fears, but they must have wondered if my generation would have any hope at all with the violence and hatred running wild. Hearing those heart-wrenching sound bites mixed in with the lyrics from “Abraham, Martin and John” still makes me emotional.

“Abraham, Martin and John” laments that Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., and John and Robert Kennedy all died too young as victims of senseless hatred. As the lyrics ask if anyone has seen my good friend John, the remix interrupts with CBS broadcaster Walter Cronkite’s special bulletin on November 22, 1963: President John F. Kennedy is dead.

The song turns to “my old friend Martin.” Were King’s words included in the song—“Difficult days ahead . . .”—a possible premonition of his own violent death? And when Senator Robert Kennedy pays tribute to Dr. King, lines from that speech are stitched into the lyrics, wondering who
will be the next person to “suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed,” an eerie self-prophecy. Kennedy would die during the presidential campaign of 1968.

The compilation gently transitions to the lyric “what the world needs now is love, sweet love,” ending with the child’s voice again, asked to define the word prejudice.

“Umm, I think it’s when somebody’s sick.”

Spot on.

Fast-forward fifty years, and it feels like not much has changed

I am sick. So are you. Since the Garden of Eden all of us have been sick in our sin. Christians are forgiven, justified, and righteous because of Christ, but (and this is a big but) we are saints who still sin. We still have blind spots.

I don’t know if those responses from the children in the song were spontaneous or scripted, but I do know that Jesus asked us to have the trusting heart of a child. Jesus is not saying that I should act childish and immature. If that were the case, I wouldn’t need much teaching. Instead, he meant that I must have that childlike trust, dependence, surrender to authority, and need for relationship. A child isn’t born hating another color, country, or idea. That is learned from adults.

Pray that God will allow you to see everyone you come in contact with today as a child sees him or her. Without prejudice or bigotry or judgment. That may prove harder than you expect. But that may reveal exactly how desperately you and I need new lenses.

GOD’S TAKE
About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 18:1-4

Taken from Waking Up Slowly

March 25, 2020
Connect 21: Day 5 Receiving the Gift of Grace

Today’s chapter from Waking Up Slowly is about our reluctance to receive the gift of grace. This 21 day journey explores the actions and attitudes that drive us away from God. One of those is refusing to accept that our salvation, sanctification, and satisfaction are all about what God has done and not about our own self-efforts.

As a follower of Christ, I have everything I need to be content. Yet I wander, looking for something new or the latest trend in the church. What I was looking for in every book, program, study, and event was the sweet gospel of unconditional love, unmerited forgiveness, and complete acceptance. I was looking for grace.

This line from poet Nancy Spiegelberg may be the most indicting summary
of the grace I misunderstood for decades: “Lord, I crawled across the barrenness to You with my empty cup uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I had known You better I’d have come running with a bucket.”

I am indeed awakening to the mystery, the majesty, and the unquenchable supply of grace given to me each moment.

Grace.

It is a word that has lost its power through misuse and overuse. Fearful grace objectors banter about the ridiculous concept of cheap grace as if I must be wary of receiving a gift from my Father in heaven. Are you kidding me? If I view grace like a sales pitch for a time-share resort, I am listening to the wrong voices. There are no strings attached with grace. No fine print. No hidden costs. No promises to lure me in that have not already and forever been fully delivered. Grace gives me full title to the resort and all the first-class amenities.

Grace.

So God comes along with a redemption plan so radical that we have a hard time believing it could be true. This is what I almost always hear when I share God’s grace with unbelievers or fellow recovering legalists.
“Is this true?”
“Yes, it is,” I affirm.
The follow-up question is the same one I asked when I first heard the grace message.
“Why haven’t I heard this before?”
To be completely honest, I had heard versions of that message over my first few decades of faith.

Thank God I finally understood that I could not do it myself. I could not earn my way to righteousness. And more importantly, I finally understood that this was the best news ever. I could quit flailing and start trusting God’s
gift of grace.

You don’t have to do anything but believe. Radical. Crazy.

Grace

GOD’S TAKE
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for
this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (Ephesians 2 : 8 – 9)

A DOSE OF GRACE
Grace is by definition an undeserved gift. Look for people in your life to whom you can give this gift of acceptance, love, forgiveness, and kindness today. Don’t expect reciprocity when you give grace. This is such an important piece to connect more with God and others. Accept His grace as a wonderful gift, and feel free to regift it over and over again.

Excerpts are from Waking Up Slowly. Check it our here.

March 24, 2020