Charisa Stories

Tag: wounded

  • Grace is Wonderfully Messy

    Sometimes I just want to step away from people. I get tired. Living in honest community can be frustrating and discouraging. And then the song “Lean On Me” cycles up my playlist. That is not funny Lord. The lyrics sung by Bill Withers talks about being there for others.

    Sometimes in our lives
    We all have pain
    We all have sorrow

    But if we are wise
    We know that there’s
    Always tomorrow

    Lean on me, when you’re not strong
    And I’ll be your friend

    I confess that I struggle with the cost of walking in honest relationship with people. It is hard.

    I have come to understand why legalism is so much easier than grace. Legalism allows me to assess the situation and then apply a verse or assign a task. If that person rejects that Biblical admonition or task then legalism allows me to withdraw because they are disobedient. Grace does not give me that option. Grace demands that I move toward the struggle of my brother or sister and not away in judgment. No wonder grace is a tough sell.

    That is the glorious dichotomy of grace. Grace wears me out and lifts me up. Grace frustrates and exhilarates. My old nature screams that people who make bad decisions over and over get what they “deserve”. They don’t “deserve” to be pursued and loved and restored. They made their bed now let them lay in it. But there is a small quiet voice in my heart that tells me that they have value. That they are loved by their Creator. And that voice asks who am I to decide who “deserves” anything?

    A quote by Pastor Paul Donnan says it far better than I ever could.

    Grace doesn’t treat us better than we deserve. It treats us without the slightest reference to what we deserve. Grace ceases to be grace if God withdraws it upon any human failure. If Grace is in any way tied to something you do, then it is no longer a gift but a wage, and that’s not grace.

    And, to be selfish, the lyrics of Bill Withers tells me why it is in my own best interest to give grace willingly.

    I’ll help you carry on
    For it won’t be long
    Till I’m gonna need
    Somebody to lean on

    Yep. It is just a matter of time until I will be begging for grace for some stupid action or word. Paul knew that was true and reminded the Galatian Church.

    Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. (Galatians 6, The Message)

    Why are we so willing to receive grace and not extend it? Maybe the next lyric has a clue.

    Please swallow your pride
    If I have things
    You need to borrow
    For no one can fill

    Pride. Pride causes us to cover our needs because that would show weakness. Pride tells us to wear a mask of false joy so that others won’t know our shame and sin. Our Father in Heaven designed this journey to be lived in community. God knows that we need Him and we need one another. Healthy community is not unlike two parents being the healthiest community for children. Sometimes a child needs his or her father and sometimes only the mother can touch their need. In the same way there are times when only Abba Father can comfort my soul but at other times I need the community of fellow believers to get through.

    We all need somebody to lean on
    I just might have a problem
    That you’ll understand

    We all need somebody to lean on

    Yes it is hard to walk with the wounded. Yes it is frustrating to watch messy people make the same mistakes over and over. Yes it is tiring to give grace to the needy. But my heart’s desire remains the same. I want to follow the game plan of Paul in the book of Acts.

    But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. (Acts 20:24, NLT)

  • Confessing my “Hidden Agenda”

    The title “Evangelical Christian” seems to have become a pejorative to many in the media and culture. I understand the frustration (I have written about it a lot) when very vocal or celebrity Christian leaders fail spectacularly. I share your anger when a religious person espouses hateful or judgmental comments. I grieve when an institution or leader fails to protect the innocent.

    Critics say that Christians have an agenda and dangerous desire to control other people’s lives. I confess that has been true for some religious types. But the followers of Jesus that I have gotten to know over many decades don’t resemble that stereotype at all. Perhaps that is why Jesus warned so plainly about the dangers of power. The selfless, giving, and caring believers get little notice in this world but I believe they are quietly and faithfully making a difference. Jesus upset the organizational chart by placing those who serve at the top.

    I thought about what my answer would be if I was asked to outline my agenda. I certainly don’t speak for all Christians but I think I just might represent a number of them as I share my “agenda”.

    Let me start by telling you what this particular Christian does not believe…

    I do not believe you have to be a particular party to be a Christian. Heaven will be bipartisan and I am totally fine that there will not be “sides” of the Golden Aisle.

    I do not believe that God is “judging” America for any particular sin. But if He is judging this country I would suspect it is for the massive squandering of wealth and resources that we have been blessed with while giving back an average of less than 2 percent.

    I do not believe in ranking sins for their offensiveness to a Holy God. I am not referring to heinous sins here but things that are individually more offensive to some of us. The reality is that all sin is intolerable to a Holy God. We are either perfect or in need of a Savior. I am the latter.

    I do not believe that censorship, boycotts, or politics will redeem this culture…only a spiritual renewal of caring love and grace can accomplish such redemption.

    I do not believe that it is my place to relish or desire eternal punishment for others. I am willing to leave that to a righteous and just God who sees the real heart and motives for each one of us and Who will judge justly.

    Here is my agenda. Busted!

    • To try and see everyone through the eyes of Jesus because my eyes are prejudiced and prideful.
    • To try and love them like Jesus because my love is selfish.
    • To try and see that no one misses out on the message of grace, identity, acceptance and one-way love that is offered as a free gift of grace by the finished work of Jesus on the Cross.
    • To let them others know that my relationship with Jesus and His grace has changed my life, given my life purpose, given me strength to endure tragedy, and real hope for the future.
    • To authentically relate how this personal relationship with the living God saved my marriage and made me a better father to my sons.
    • To be gentle in relating the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ to people in every situation. My goal is to introduce people to Jesus. If they are living in a way that is not biblical I will let them work it out in God’s timing while walking with them in grace and love.
    • To exhibit grace and forgiveness to those who attack me for not sharing their world views.
    • To freely dispense the grace of the living Christ to everyone I come in contact so that I can be salt and light to my little circle of influence.
    • To be an advocate for those wounded by the church and other Christians. Our lack of unity must grieve Jesus who prayed for unity of the body during His final agonizing hours before His betrayal, mock trial, and crucifixion.
    • To try to never be surprised or repulsed by the actions of those who do not have a relationship with Jesus. The Lord Himself was always gentle with sinners and always tough on religious hypocrites. We have reversed his example far too often. We are too tough on sinners and too gentle with the hypocrites in our midst.
    • To try and give generously of my time and treasure to those who have not been as materially blessed in my neighborhood, my country, and around the world.
    • To let people know that I love Jesus and I am not at all ashamed of that fact.

    It is easy to dismiss the hypocrite. No problem to ignore the angry and judgmental religious types. But before I came to faith I was troubled when I saw some Christians who displayed something different in their lives. I could not dismiss so readily the joy, peace, strength, courage, and love they modeled. They were “troublesome” Christians to me.  I could not ignore them because their lives were authentic and different (different good, not weird). I want to be that kind of Christian. I take these words of Jesus seriously.

    “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” John 15:12

    That was not a helpful suggestion. Jesus made that command the cornerstone of following Him. So that is my agenda. To love others as I have been loved and be a “troublesome” Christian to some.

  • Tired? Feeling Defeated? You’re Ready for Grace!

    Recently I had the opportunity to see Willie Nelson performing at the age of 90. I had forgotten that my music list had a thought provoking song from Willie called “I’m Tired”. Hearing the lyrics of “I’m Tired” again caused a lot of reflection, a bit of sadness, and prayer.

    The narrative tells about the life of a factory worker who is, sadly, merely going through the motions of life.

    Married Rebecca back in seventy-seven
    I still love her and I guess she loves me too
    We go to church on Sundays `cause we want to go to heaven
    Me and my family, ain`t that how you`re supposed to do

    That describes so many people that I know. Tired of their job. Treading water in their relationship. Going to church because they don’t know what else to do. It is particularly sad that so many Christians settle for a faith that leaves them discouraged and prone to sing the chorus of this song.

    But I`m tired, Lord I`m tired
    Life is wearin` me smooth down to the bone
    No rest for the weary, ya just move on
    Tired, Lord I`m tired

    This song penetrated my heart because that was me for so many years. After four decades of uneven striving I was simply tired. I was resigned to stubbornly stumbling toward the finish line so I could finally find joy in glory. The following excerpt is from the revised version of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and it reflects the change in my heart.

    My fear of cheap grace and being soft on sin had led me into a dead end path of moralism and legalism. Legalism takes the sweet Gospel of Jesus Christ and mixes in some “churchified” version of the law. Church by-laws occupy equal footing with God’s Word. Righteousness is no longer about Christ but about right behavior as only they define it. Legalism cherry picks verses that support behavioral control while conveniently ignoring dozens of verses about grace, forgiveness, kindness, love, gentleness, and forbearance.

    Focusing on right behavior can make you a moral and good person. It does not make you righteous. Such focus is not much different (if at all) from an agnostic or sporadic church-goer who really tries hard to do right and moral things. Tim Keller wrote this provocative thought about legalism in his wonderful book The Reason for God.

    The devil, if anything, prefers Pharisees—men and women who try to save themselves. They are more unhappy than either mature Christians or irreligious people, and they do a lot more spiritual damage. 

    Without a doubt. I have been damaged. I have seen loved ones damaged. I have damaged others. I hate legalism but I don’t hate legalists. I hurt for them. I suspect they are as tired, miserable and wondering what happened to their once joyous message of the Gospel as I was.

    Righteousness is entirely because of Christ. Nothing I have done or will do will make me righteous. I spent decades trying to be “righteous”. When I hit a dry spell I would try harder, read more books, buck up, and beat myself up because I felt so distant from God. Lots of helpful Christian friends would faithfully remind me that God hadn’t moved so it had to be me. So I disliked myself more and tried harder and God seemed even more distant. I wrote a book about what to do with lambs that are wounded by the church and THEN I got wounded again by the church. It was like God was mocking me. I had reached the end of my spiritual rope. I cried out to Jesus something deep and insightful along these lines.

    “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!”

    God does not get insulted by all-caps. In fact, I picture Jesus smiling at that point because I was finally ready to trust Him and not myself. I had reached the point of brokenness that allowed me to really let Him into my heart. I reached the point where I no longer had to be right. I had reached the point where I didn’t want to wear a phony mask of holiness. I had reached the point where I was willing to trust God completely with everything about me. I had reached the point where I was ready for grace. I had reached the point where I was willing to believe what God says is true about me. That I am completely forgiven. I am completely loved. I am completely changed because of Christ. I am completely empowered with the Holy Spirit to mature into all of those things that are already true about me. I am righteous not because of anything I have done but entirely because of Christ.

    If you are tired enough, discouraged enough, wounded enough and ready to scream you can’t do this anymore then I have good news. You are ready for grace. I am not the same guy who wrote the first edition of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People. Writing that manuscript was part of a refining process that God used to bring me to the Throne of Grace and then to begin to create a room of grace around me.

    God is waiting for you to experience His grace. Legalism is a dead end street to misery. There is a better road. What have you got to lose?

    Start by Meditating on this familiar passage from Matthew 11.

    Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

  • The Broken Road Can Be A Blessing

    The Broken Road Can Be A Blessing

    Somehow the normal promise of a new year seems muted by the ongoing negative news. The sadness, division, and fear of the past couple of years feels like it will be here forever. How can you navigate the broken roads of this world?

     A song titled Bless the Broken Road was made popular by Rascal Flatts and the lyrics describe how difficulties are often teaching moments for future blessings.

    I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
    Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
    But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through

    It is so interesting to look back over the landscape of over four decades (yikes) of my journey with Jesus. I can see God’s hand in so many events and even heartbreak in my life. My early church experience was a broken road of legalistic and judgmental Christians who crushed the spirit of a young and fumbling Christian. That experience became the basis of my books. Sadly, many of us bear the wounds of dealing with imperfect people in the sometimes dysfunctional little gathering we call church. Still, God blessed that broken road in my life by bringing the message of grace into my journey.

    The broken road for me included the devastating death of a beloved nephew many years ago. At that point I was at a crossroads in my faith. I would either turn my back on God or get serious in my pursuit of Him. Along that broken road God brought a man named Wendel Deyo into my life. His life challenged me and he helped me stay on the narrow way. That relationship led to my association with Athletes in Action. And while on staff with AIA I met the lovely Joni Banks and we were married in 1976. And again, God blessed a broken road.

    This much I know is true
    That God blessed the broken road
    That led me straight to you
    Yes He did

    It is hard to imagine life without Joni. Her cancer forced me to realize the possibility of that. I am so grateful that she is a sixteen year survivor and that she persevered in our relationship.

    I think about the years I spent, just passin’ through
    I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you

    I remember with great sadness the years I spent working too much, taking my bride for granted, telling her that the schedule would soon “ease up”. But it rarely did. I really wish I had that time back. I would give it to her in a heartbeat. 

    Another thing I stress to young couples and parents is make time for your mate and your children. It took me too long to realize the truth that our schedule reflects our priorities. But somehow Joni hung with me. She had traveled her own broken road.

    But you just smile and take my hand, you’ve been there you understand
    It’s all part of a grander plan, that is comin’ true

    The journey is not easy. Never will be. One of the big mistakes we make in sharing our faith is making it seem like all troubles are over when you embrace Christianity. That is not in the contract. We will still have problems and heartaches and even tragedies. The past year has challenged most of us and has been absolutely heartbreaking for many. King David wrote these words while escaping down a broken road.

    The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;       
    he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

    How can we best navigate our broken roads? We can learn from the story of Joshua who had the unenviable task of taking over for Moses to lead the people of Israel into the Promised Land. He had to feel inadequate and maybe even terrified. Moses had the wisdom of his many years to share with Joshua. 

    Then Moses called for Joshua, and as all Israel watched, he said to him, “Be strong and courageous! For you will lead these people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors he would give them. You are the one who will divide it among them as their grants of land. 8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (Deuteronomy 31:7-8, NLT)

    Moses was not saying that Joshua should be strong and courageous because of his great leadership ability or the strong army at his command. Moses did not say he should not be afraid or discouraged because he had been carefully groomed to take over. The reason for that hope was simple and profoundly true today. The Lord will be with you and He will neither fail you nor abandon you. 

    No matter how broken the road you are traveling might be you can know that your Father is with you in the struggle. Don’t be afraid to continue down the broken road. God promises to go with you. Always.

  • When Reality Comes Around…

    When Reality Comes Around…

    Please forgive me for driving slowly down memory lane as I approach my 50th high school reunion this month. Soon after graduation I became a disc jockey at 1000 watt “powerhouse” WCHI in Chillicothe, Ohio. This was back in the days of turntables and actual vinyl records. I got to pick my own playlist that was mainly Top-40 pop. Unfortunately my playlist was often influenced by my emotional state. I didn’t realize I was doing that until a friend pointed out that I had thoroughly depressed them with my melancholy melodies that day. I would play “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart” from the Bee Gees followed by “She’s Gone” by Hall and Oates followed by the Carpenters singing “Goodbye to Love”.  Not sure the sponsors (except maybe antidepressant manufacturers and counseling centers) wanted me to be such a musical downer.

    Another one of my go to songs to bring the listeners down was a song by Irish singer Gilbert O’Sullivan. Alone Again Naturally reached the top of the charts for several weeks and the tune popped up on satellite radio recenty. He sings about how life is good and full of promise and then everything changes. That would be called life.

    But as if to knock me down
    Reality came around
    And without so much as a mere touch
    Cut me into little pieces

    Leaving me to doubt
    Talk about God in His mercy
    Who if He really does exist
    Why did He desert me?

    In my hour of need
    I truly am indeed
    Alone again, naturally

    Those lyrics reflects the struggle of many former believers and struggling believers around us. Several people who are dear to me are going through deep valleys of heartache right now. They sometimes feel deserted and may wonder if God is there. This walk of faith was designed to be lived out in community. I think that is why so many struggle so mightily because we (as a body of believers) lean toward programs more easily than toward authentic community. Community is messy and hard and painful and incredibly fulfilling. My friend John Lynch describes that place of healing as the Room of Grace and I have yet to find a better descriptor of a place where God’s love is demonstrated to wounded sojourners. In the Room of Grace your problems, weirdness, neediness, and weakness does not result in judgment but in acceptance. In that room you can trust God and others with the truth about you and not be pushed away. Fellow inhabitants of the room run toward you when you hurt and not away. That place exists but there are not nearly enough rooms of grace. And if more such rooms were constructed the body of Christ would be a much healthier organism.

    It seems to me that there are more hearts
    Broken in the world that can’t be mended
    Left unattended
    What do we do? What do we do?

    What do we do? I had to acknowledge my own weakness and need for others. I had to lean fully on my dependence on Christ to live this journey out. No heroic self-effort on my part makes me a better Christian. It is all because of Christ. That flies in the face of the American values of being self-made and independent. As a Christian I must surrender self and be dependent to be used by God. I would suggest that we drop the pretense of “victory” over sin and the lie that a particular flavor of faith will result in prosperity, health and green lights during every road trip. That is not the Gospel. I would suggest that we get real about our struggles and let others know that their struggle is also ours. I would suggest that you pray for friends and family but also listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit as to how you can serve them. When a loved one comes to mind send them a note, call them, drop a card and take the time see how they are doing. Too many in the church feel unattended because we, His arms to the flock, are not reaching out. Walking with those who are struggling is draining. It can be ugly. There is no guarantee of success. But can I encourage you with this lesson learned? There is nothing more exciting that realizing that God has somehow divinely used your stumbling efforts in the life of one of His children. Nothing will make you worship more than seeing how God uses a humble and trusting heart far more effectively than a slick and convincing tongue.

    Paul wrote these words to the Church at Philippi.

    Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (Philippians 2, NLT)

    I see a grace revival stirring and we need it desperately. Because in a room of grace the broken hearts will not be left unattended. Pray for more rooms of His grace.