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It is fascinating to see which articles resonate with readers. Today the Number 13 most read post is about Madonna and atheist author Sam Harris.

When I was a kid we had, arguably, the most ridiculous public service film in the history of civilization. It was called Duck and Cover and the film featured a turtle named Bert.

You can enjoy a couple of chuckles by watching this film here.

The film spent nine terrifying minutes telling you a nuclear bomb could detonate at any moment. To be fair, the film primarily advocated finding appropriate shelter. But if such shelter was not readily available you should duck and cover when you saw the bright flash of detonation. While I guess such an action is better than nothing it seems ludicrous that this would be of much value in the event of nuclear attack. I remember the fear that this film generated for an elementary student. But even then my mind wasn’t normal. When I took a break from being terrified I wondered about important questions. Like why does a turtle wear a safety helmet? How could the helmet fit inside the shell when Bert ducked and covered? Told you my brain isn’t wired to factory specs.

That apparent wiring deficiency is showing up in areas of my Christian experience. I just can’t work up the righteous indignation that some other Christians seem to possess in vast quantities. Does that mean I don’t care? I don’t think so. I hope not. I care deeply about my faith and how I represent Jesus to those around me. So as I address two hot news topics I am prepared to “duck and cover” when I check my e-mail and website feedback. Please understand that I am examining myself even as I write these words.

Topic One: Madonna

Madonna has included a tasteless and, to me, repulsive “mock” crucifixion as a part of her stage show. This caps a very long list of tasteless and repulsive actions on her resume. My Cal Ripken like streak of not buying Madonna CD’s or tickets will definitely continue. The controversy is that there are (or perhaps were) plans to air her concert on NBC. The anger from the religious community has been intense and I understand it. I do not condemn or question the motives of the organizations or groups that do want this mocking display on the air. What I am wrestling with is a couple of bigger questions.

1.      Is this the best strategy?

2.      Do we misrepresent Jesus in our attempts?

I wrote about the Christian response to negative portrayals at length when the awful show the Book of Daniel aired briefly on NBC. I mentioned how much I loved the controversy because it gave me a chance to discuss Christianity and Jesus in the natural flow of conversation. While I can not and will not ever agree with Madonna’s gratuitous use of a cross in her show it can and does open opportunities to discuss. What is the meaning of the cross? Why is it important to people of faith? When a topic is all over the news the opportunity is there to have a dialogue. I wonder if we lose that chance with our anger? When Jesus showed anger it was because His Father’s House, the Temple, had been defiled. I don’t think Jesus much cared what was going on down at the local amphitheater and entertainment venues. His focus was on individual hearts and minds. Changing hearts and minds would change a culture and the world. That was the Jesus strategy. I am not saying that efforts to improve the content of popular media and culture are not important. I do fear that we have lost balance in that area.

The second question is the really troubling one. I do not wish to throw Donald Wildmon under the bus because I believe he is sincerely trying to do the right thing. He has developed a powerful voice with the American Family Association and I am not going to question what he believes God is calling him to do. I am pretty sure (make that positive) he doesn’t agree with everything I say and do. His comments in a recent story were intriguing. The first I completely support.

“We don’t see this animosity toward other religions,” he said. “They’re antagonistic toward people of the Christian faith.”

That is true. I believe it gives us a chance to demonstrate a real difference in how we, as Christians, respond. And I fear we are not passing the test. I sometimes receive the angry, condemning, personal attacks when readers disagree with me. And I am a member of the family! So I really fear that the communication that NBC receives is ungraceful, mean, and not representative of the love and grace of Jesus. I am not saying you need to be soft and weak. Just don’t be mean and ugly and gleeful in your evaluation of their eternal prospects. Be firm but not threatening. Speak truth but mix in a healthy dose of grace.

Wildmon’s next comment made me cringe.

“I think NBC is going to feel the wrath of the righteous right,” he said.

I believe he simply means that NBC will understand they are offending a large percentage of viewers. I just wish he had chosen another word besides wrath and I really wish he had not used the phrase righteous right. Again, I understand what he is trying to say. I speak Christian. Then I remember how Paul spoke about his righteous zeal before he met the Lord Jesus.

I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God’s law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. Phil 3 NLT

One other thing really touched my heart as I examined the Madonna controversy. I did some research about a young girl born in Michigan. Madonna Louis Cicconne was five years old when her mother died of breast cancer at the age of 30. Yes, Madonna offends me. Yes, her cross act is repulsive. But I wonder how much that tragic loss changed a little girl in Michigan? Perhaps Joni’s battle with breast cancer makes me realize how difficult this had to be for a Kindergarten student. And I wonder if a more gracious response from Christians could have made a difference later in her life? I wonder if it still could? Her venture into Kabalah indicates she is searching. And I wonder if the response of Christians has driven her away from the Cross she really needs to seek?

Topic 2: Sam Harris

The second controversial person is an author named Sam Harris. He has written a couple of books (“The End of Faith” and “Letter to a Christian Nation”) that advocate that religion is the problem in the world and that reason is the answer. Read the newspaper today and you can easily see why his ideas are getting traction. I disagree on most counts about his views on Christianity. And I believe his ideas that we can all sit down together and reason are hopelessly idealistic. But my focus with Sam Harris is a letter he wrote in response to a Christian.

Since the publication of my first book, “The End of Faith”, I have received thousands of letters and e-mails from religious believers insisting that I am wrong not to believe in God. Invariably, the most unpleasant of these communications have come from Christians. This is ironic, as Christians generally believe that no faith imparts the virtues of love and forgiveness more effectively than their own. Please accept this for what it is: the testimony of a man who is in a position to observe how people behave when their faith is challenged. Many who claim to have been transformed by Christ’s love are deeply, even murderously, intolerant of criticism. While you may ascribe this to human nature, it is clear that the hatred these people feel comes directly from the Bible. How do I know this? Because the most deranged of my correspondents always cite chapter and verse.

Why do we feel the need to attack those who deny Jesus and God? His most devastating point is that those who claim to be transformed are incapable of speaking the truth with that transforming love. I do not need to persuade Sam Harris that I am right. In fact, I cannot persuade him that I am. I would like to tell him that I don’t hate him for his views. I don’t fear Sam Harris. If I am wrong about God then Sam Harris is harmless and perhaps helpful. If I am right about God then Sam Harris can not damage or thwart His plan for mankind. God does not need me to defend Him from attack. If I believe in the Creator of the universe I suspect He is quite capable of dealing with an author. What I believe God does expect and desire from me is that I reflect His love. Harris often makes comments like this.

If Christianity is correct, and I persist in my unbelief, I should expect to suffer the torments of hell.

I do not wish ill on Sam Harris. I do not take delight or satisfaction in thinking about his eternal fate. I am simply sad that he has such a low view of adherents of faith. Here is my bottom line. I have called myself a Christian for over 30 years. I have wrestled with doubt. I have read the views of all sides. I have absorbed the arguments of the best thinkers on every side. I have decided that Jesus is the Son of God. That is my decision. His presence and reality in my life have only been amplified in our recent trials. I guess I don’t have the energy to spend on indignation. There is so much more to be accomplished by reflecting the love and grace of Jesus. That is the way we will make a difference to a suspicious and skeptical world.

And now excuse me while I “duck and cover”. I will be under the dining room table if you need me. And I think I am going back to the iPod devotional series. It is much safer.

It has been eighteen months since Joni’s breast cancer diagnosis. I have written many articles about that journey and the Number 14 post is called “How to be a Good Cancer Buddy”. 

It is not easy to know what to do when a brother or sister is going through adversity. So here are some early lessons we have learned from our cancer journey.

A primer for being a good adversity buddy…

1) It is okay to say the “C” word. Joni and I know that she has cancer so it will not be a surprise to us. We believe that we have a “C” word in our lives that trumps the fear of cancer. That “C” word is Christ.  
 
2) You don’t have to “say” anything profound, theologically brilliant, or comforting. Simple phrases like “I am praying” and “I am here if you need me” pack more punch than a theological dissertation on suffering. Some don’t know what to say and then proceed to say it in great detail. Joni and I don’t need to “figure” this all out right now. We just need to walk with the Lord one step at a time. We know He has a plan. We are not necessarily convinced that He has told you what it is.

3) Do not try to “prepare” your friends with stories of other cancer patients. Recounting stories of terrible side effects and problems are really not helpful. The doctor will give us a good rundown of those possibilities based on our case. We have a medical team for that. Our friendship team can best help by being positive and prayerful.  
 
4) Do not use mournful tones when talking to a cancer patient. Just use your normal voice…really. We won’t suspect you don’t care. 
 
5) Do not predict the outcome with phrases like “you are going to be fine.“ No one is completely sure of the outcome. What you can say is that God will be faithful and you want to walk with them through the journey as well.  
 
6) It is okay to cry and it is okay to laugh. Crying doesn’t mean you are not dealing with the cancer well and laughter does not mean you are in denial. Both are part of the journey.

7) Be careful to not misuse scripture. The most common good hearted misapplication is telling Christians going through adversity that “God will not give you more than you can handle.” That verse in Corinthians (I Cor 10:13) refers to temptations, not troubles. We will have troubles. Instead concentrate on the promises that His Word gives us about strength for those times. Suggestions?

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28 NLT

Cast your cares on the LORD  
and he will sustain you;  
he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:28

8) Embrace your role as a part of the body of Christ. We are all in this together. Do practical things like bring a meal or clean the house.

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

9) Don’t say that you could not deal with adversity as well as your friend is handling it. You could. Part of being a follower of Christ is knowing He is with you in times like this. You are given strength and comfort that is supernatural. It is there when you need it. You can’t store it for future trouble or put it in a to go box for later. God apportions that strength and comfort out as needed. The peace that surpasses all understanding is real.

10) Learn from those who have shown how it looks to trust Jesus in adversity. Joni and I have had two amazing couples as mentors in our lives. I wrote about them in an earlier blog called My Nominations for Persons of the Year. Our friends showed us by walking the walk how God is real in far worse situations than ours. Jesus is real. He is real in the good times. And especially in the bad.

The Top 20 Countdown continues today with a story about a famous Christian athlete. Checking in at Number 15: The Dangerous Lure of ‘Celebrity Christians’. 

I have struggled for years with the concept that God somehow intervenes in athletic events. I have seen the post game interviews where athletes thank God for helping them make the big play or for helping their team win. And I wonder if God really chooses to get involved with sporting event outcomes. Does He sovereignly evaluate the two teams and inventory the number of Christians on the home team versus the visiting team? Is it quantity or spiritual maturity that determines the eventual outcome? Would God bless a team with 20 nominal Christians or the one with 10 really committed believers? What if two equally committed players, one a wide receiver and one a cornerback, are going for a pass in the end zone for the game deciding play? Who gets the blessing of victory? The best prayer or the best player? Faith in sports is an ongoing debate and was the subject of a recent story in USA Today.

Tom Krattenmaker wrote a thoughtful piece about the career and ministry of soon to be (this Saturday) Hall of Fame pro football player Reggie White. Sadly, White died in December of 2004. Here are some excerpts from Krattenmaker’s article published in USA Today this past Monday. My comments are italicized. 
 
On Saturday, the late Reggie White will be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The “Minister of Defense” — he was an ordained minister who had a passion for Christian evangelizing during his stellar playing career — will be extolled for his quarterback-sacking prowess, service to the community and commitment to his family and Christian faith.

Amid the deserved praise that will pour forth in the speeches and media coverage, there probably won’t be much, if anything, said about another important but less easily swallowed chapter of White’s story — namely, his post-retirement disavowal of much of what he stood for as the Jesus-praising champion of jock evangelism. As the greatly changed White put it shortly before his premature death, at age 43 of cardiac arrhythmia in December 2004, “(God) doesn’t need football to let the world know about him.”

For those who don’t follow sports, White was a superstar defensive lineman in the 1980s and ’90s, playing primarily for the Philadelphia Eagles and Green Bay Packers. Not only was he a star on the field, selected to the Pro Bowl a record 13 times, but he was also an exemplar in the now-common practice of using athletic stardom to spread the evangelical Christian message. A frequent speaker at churches and religious events, a man quick to turn post-game interviews into opportunities to proclaim God, White probably did more than any other sports star to usher in the conspicuous religiosity that we witness in pro sports today.

As a player, White correctly sensed that his preaching wasn’t welcomed by all fans. But he stormed past that disapproval as though it were just another lineman blocking his path to the quarterback. As he said in one live post-game TV interview during his days with the Packers, “God allowed me to use this game as a platform to proclaim the name of Jesus. … I know some people don’t like what I say sometimes, but God has called me to preach a message, and I have to preach the message.”

Disclaimer. I was a staff member of Athletes in Action for five years from 1975–80. I loved AIA and the people we met there. Some of the finest Christians I have had the privilege of knowing were a part of that group. I was a big supporter of the idea of using the platform of famous athletes to communicate the gospel. I begin to question that by the end of my time with AIA and I continue to ponder the issue a quarter of a century later. Before I tip my hand…more of the USA Today story.

Contrast that with the White who emerged shortly before his unexpected death nearly two years ago. “When I look back on my life, there are a lot of things I said God said. I realize he didn’t say nothing. It was what Reggie wanted to do. I do feel the Father … gave me some signals … but you won’t hear me anymore saying God spoke to me about something — unless I read something in Scripture and I know.”

White made the comments in a remarkable and largely overlooked interview with NFL Films that aired just days before his death. There was much more. “Prostituted” is a strong word, but it’s exactly how White described the way he had been used by sports ministries and other evangelical groups eager to capitalize on his fame.

“Really, in many respects I’ve been prostituted,” White said. “Most people who wanted me to speak at their churches only asked me to speak because I played football, not because I was this great religious guy or this theologian. … I got caught up in some of that until I got older and I got sick of it. I’ve been a preacher for 21 years, preaching what somebody wrote or what I heard somebody else say. I was not a student of Scripture. I came to the realization I’d become more of a motivational speaker than a teacher of the word.”

The candidness of White hit at the core of my concerns. Please hear me out. There are wonderful people involved in the various ministries to athletes. Many of them are my friends. But the celebrity, power, and money of professional athletes creates a dangerous temptation. Some ministers with impure or perhaps naive motives have indeed hurt the spiritual development of these athletes. Paul cautioned about throwing immature young believers into leadership. While this is not about becoming a church leader I think the principle is important here. We were often quick to send immature athletes into speaking engagements and interviews which placed pressure on them that they were not prepared to deal with. Paul said a church leader must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. I have seen that warning play out in real life with men and women who were not grounded on the rock before they were “displayed” as Christians. Back to the article.

Some initially misunderstood White’s changed rhetoric as a sign that he had lost religion. Hardly. Tired of having the meaning of faith spoon-fed to him so that he could spoon-feed others, White decided to learn Hebrew so he could study the original texts of the Old Testament — go straight to the source, in essence.

White told his NFL Films interviewers that some Christian ministers had warned people to stay away from the new, heretical Reggie. That’s deeply regrettable. White had something important to say on an issue that is far from settled — the appropriate place of religion in pro sports.

Also, as White apparently came to believe, blending faith with pro sports and commerce might not, in the end, be good for religion. Is justice done for the purpose and power of faith when victorious players claim that God intervened so one Christian player might outdo another? Or when ministries put biblically illiterate celebrities on a pedestal to promote religion as though it were just another product endorsement?

“I used to have people tell me, ‘God has given you the ability to play football so you could tell the world about him,’ ” White said shortly before his death. “Well, he doesn’t need football to let the world know about him. When you look at the Scriptures, you’ll see that most of the prophets weren’t popular guys. I came to the realization that what God needed from me more than anything is a way of living instead of the things I was saying. Now I know I’ve got to sit down and get it right.”

Unfortunately, death allowed him very little time to do that.

I wish Reggie would have stayed with us awhile longer to see what that pursuit looked like in his life. But I think he was exactly right. God does not look at the glamour of our careers or our celebrity status to further His kingdom. Our values are too often not God’s values. If I were God and I was marketing Christianity I would hire a high powered marketing/advertising campaign. I would round up some celebrity Christians and produce feel good spots with great production and moving music.

But that is not the plan that God has chosen. God has chosen to use idiots like me to fulfill the Great Commission. And that is lived out in the day routines of life. I believe that everything a Christian does has the potential to be sacred. No matter how “unglamorous” my lot in life might be I have the daily potential to worship and glorify God by my work, my spirit, and my life. My work can be worship. Going to the store can be worship. Reaching out to my neighbor can be worship. Because all of those can be about glorifying God and demonstrating that He is real in my life and in this world. God’s plan is not about celebrity…it is about obedience. I no longer am a fan of celebrity Christianity. I am always happy to hear that movie star A or athlete B has come into a relationship with Christ. But I expect nothing from them. I am just happy that they are part of the family.  
 
God does not need celebrities to accomplish His plan. God wants every person He has called to Himself to be obedient and love Him. I am pretty sure that the God of Creation is not depending on Dave Burchett to make sure the sovereign plan gets put into place. I have the privilege of being a servant in the plan…not the pride of being necessary. My heart is exactly with my brother Reggie White. I want to “sit down and get it right”. Pray for the White family this weekend as they feel the loss of a great man. A man who was honest and faithful and real. May I have the courage to always evaluate my life like Reggie White evaluated his own. In the light of God’s Word and the transparency of complete honesty.  
 

Yesterday the Top 20 Countdown article was about forgiveness. Today the next most read article is about a group of people who model real forgiveness. Number 16: Where do you see Jesus?

I rarely tear up when I read the newspaper. I probably should weep everytime I pick up that journal of human misery and evil. I suppose you become numb to the overwhelming scope of suffering. Two stories this week have generated wildly different responses. One story produced anger and disgust. The other story caused tears to well up in my eyes and humble self-examination.

I have had several people write to me and ask me to address the group of people in Kansas that pickets the funerals of fallen soldiers. I have hesitated to respond for two reasons. One, I do not wish to give this group any more exposure. Two, I always try to be gentle in my admonishment when I disagree with the views or actions of others. I cannot do that in this case. The group reached a despicable new low this week when they threatened to picket the funerals of those precious children who were killed in Pennsylvania. Cybercast News Service reported their “reasoning” for picketing the funerals.

The Westboro group says the Amish school girls were “killed by a madman in punishment for Gov. Ed Rendell’s blasphemous sins against Westboro Baptist Church.
“Gov. Ed Rendell — speaking and acting in his official capacity to bind the State of Pennsylvania — slandered and mocked and ridiculed and condemned Westboro Baptist Church on national Fox TV,” the group says on its website. Later in the story the group is quoted as saying that they are “continuing to pray for even worse punishment upon Pennsylvania.”

Their rhetoric and actions make me physically ill. Seriously. My stomach hurts as I read this stuff. Perhaps one clue about the group is that I have to pick up their quotes from news stories. My filtering software (developed for Christian parents) blocks their website as hate speech. I would be concerned if Christian software blocked my website. So I suppose the group will now pray for punishment on me for condemning them. Whatever.

It did cause me to examine what a more reliable source said about who is to blame when horrible things happen in life.

Jesus was asked about some tragedies that had occurred and it is interesting to note that He did not establish blame…

About this time Jesus was informed that Pilate had murdered some people from Galilee as they were sacrificing at the Temple in Jerusalem. “Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than other people from Galilee?” he asked. “Is that why they suffered? Not at all! And you will also perish unless you turn from your evil ways and turn to God. And what about the eighteen men who died when the Tower of Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem? No, and I tell you again that unless you repent, you will also perish.” NLT Luke 13

If Jesus had a chance to establish blame and did not do it then I am pretty sure that this Kansas group cannot decipher where His judgment might fall. Jesus did call for repentance as individuals. But He did not tie their spiritual condition to the tragedies that happen in life.

Jesus reserved His harshest condemnation for the religious. This group’s ranking of one sin as being God’s number one reason for retribution is unsettling. Would He be more likely to judge the Christians in my city of Dallas for their materialism and greed? How can I know? Perhaps a Holy God is more upset in how we (His followers) have squandered great wealth than in how some behave in their private lives. Is neglecting the widows and the poor less egregious to God than a parade in San Francisco? I am not smart enough to know. But Scripture seems pretty clear we should be taking care of those in need both physically and spiritually. And that we should love sinners as we show them grace and truth mixed together.

There was another time when Jesus could have let us know how judgment is dispensed here on earth.

Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?” Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. John 9:1–3 The Message

And that brings us to the rest of the story. The story that made me cry. The people that have with broken hearts looked instead at what God can do. I have always had respect for the commitment of the Amish people. To be honest, I have viewed their lives as being a bit odd. Now I wonder if they have it far more right than I do. I say that after reading their response to the senseless killing of these innocents in Pennsylvania. As I thought about my wonderful sons I don’t know if I would have the capacity to respond like these servants of the Lord. The Dallas Morning News reported this reaction from the Amish community.

The Amish have been reaching out to the family of the gunman, Charles Carl Roberts IV, 32, who committed suicide during the attack. Dwight Lefever, a Roberts family spokesman, said an Amish neighbor comforted the Roberts family hours after the shooting and extended forgiveness to them.

“I hope they stay around here and they’ll have a lot of friends and a lot of support,” Daniel Esh, a 57-year-old Amish artist and woodworker whose three grandnephews were inside the school during the attack, said of the Robertses. Huntington, the authority on the Amish, predicted they will be will be very supportive of the killer and his wife, “because judgment is in God’s hands”.

Could I do that? Would I even consider such a response? Later in the story I read this.

Enos Miller, the grandfather of the two Miller sisters, was with both of the girls when they died. He was out walking near the schoolhouse before dawn Wednesday — he said he couldn’t sleep — when he was asked by a reporter for WGAL-TV whether he had forgiven the gunman. “In my heart, yes,” he said, explaining it was “through God’s help.”

I have a hard time forgiving someone who says something negative about me. I am humbled by their faith. Another story in the Dallas Morning News had this amazing demonstration of grace,

Donors from around the world are pledging money to help the families of the five dead and the five wounded in amounts ranging from $1 to $500,000. The families could face steep medical bills. Though the Amish generally do not seek help from outside their community, Kevin King, executive director of Mennonite Disaster services, an agency managing the donations, quoted an Amish bishop as saying: “We are not asking for funds. In fact, it’s wrong for us to ask. But we will accept them with humility.” At the behest of Amish leaders, a fund has also been set up for the killer’s widow and three children.

Are you kidding me? Thinking of the financial needs of the killer’s family? Incredible. No, make that supernatural. That is beyond the scope of human response. And then the final story that brought tears to my eyes this morning. This report comes from the New York Post.

Staring down the barrel of Charles Carl Roberts’ gun, 13-year-old Marian Fisher and her 11-year-old sister, Barbie, bravely pleaded with the madman to shoot them and spare the eight other girls he was holding hostage. “Marian said, ‘Shoot me first,’ and Barbie said, ‘Shoot me second,’ ” said midwife Rita Rhoads, who had helped deliver several of the victims. “They were really trying to save the younger girls. It is a real reflection of their faith.”

So we have news stories about two very different groups. The group from Kansas and the Amish faithful from Pennsylvania. You tell me…where do you see Jesus?

This month we are counting down the most read blogs in the nearly two years of humble ramblings. Today we check in with Number 17: Topic Number One – Forgiveness.

 

Over the weekend I watched The McLaughlin Group. I had not seen the show in years but not much has changed. Moderator John McLaughlin fires out discussion points in staccato fashion to the panel. McLaughlin shouts out the topic and then the name of the person chosen to respond first. If we had our own version of the show this week (The BadChristian Group) I suspect the opening salvo might go like this…

Topic Number One…FORGIVENESS…is it even possible?

DAVE???

This is an important subject. One of the most read articles I have posted dealt with forgiveness and I am going to revisit some of that blog today. I have written a lot about the Amish response to the tragic shootings in Pennsylvania. Those gentle people have taught me a lot about the topic. Yes it is possible. But it is very difficult to forgive if you have never been forgiven. For Christians this is a central theme of our faith. We have been forgiven. So what do we do with that gift of forgiveness? To paraphrase the not always ready for family time comedian Ron White…

We have the power to forgive…we just don’t have the ability.

I think that we have generally done a poor job of teaching forgiveness. Here are a few misconceptions that I personally had about forgiveness. This is from a chapter on forgiveness I wrote about in “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church”.

Forgiveness is not condoning or diminishing the offense. Forgiving a person who has wronged you does not mean they are “off the hook” for any consequences or judgment that may result from their actions. Forgiveness is a personal act of your will that releases the other person from your condemnation. At that point you have been obedient to what Jesus asks of you…the other person is responsible to God for their response. By extending forgiveness you are not saying the offense was insignificant or unimportant. You are saying that you trust God to see that justice is dispensed according to His Holy judgment and timing.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. The old forgive and forget admonition was one of the biggest barriers I faced in my journey to learn how to forgive. You know the old mental challenge to not picture an elephant in the room. You can’t do it. Instantly the image pops into your mind. The more I tried to be spiritually mature and try to forgive and forget the more my offender became the “elephant in the room.” That person or event was all I could think of. Over time you will think less and less of the hurt and/or the one who administered same. C.S. Lewis wrote to a friend late in his life. “Dear Mary…Do you know, only a few weeks ago, I realized suddenly that I had at last forgiven the cruel schoolmaster who so darkened my childhood. I had been trying to do it for years.” To try to achieve a state of instantaneous forgetfulness is setting yourself up for failure and frustration.

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Certainly it is a worthy goal to have the gift of forgiveness lead to a restoration of a damaged relationship. But it takes two people to reconcile and you have no control over anyone’s response except your own. The other person may not respond graciously. They may not be ready to accept forgiveness or acknowledge their part or even desire to be reconciled. Again, we have done what is required of us by extending the grace of forgiveness. Reconciliation is not required to be obedient to the command of Jesus.

Forgiveness is an act of the will and is not a response to feelings. We must choose to forgive and trust the Jesus who forgave us to eventually change our feelings. We may not “feel” like forgiveness has transpired. If you decide to wait until you “feel” like forgiving or that the other person must make the first move you will remain spiritually stuck. We have to make the choice and then wait for God to honor the choice. We make a choice to forgive and then we have faith that the Holy Spirit will reshape our feelings over the course of time. Forgiveness requires choice and faith, just like every miracle that comes from God.

Forgiveness is not ignoring or excusing the offense. There is nothing to forgive if we have not been wronged. Jesus is not asking us to ignore reality. He is asking us to acknowledge how much we have been forgiven and to extend the same courtesy to others. Forgiveness is acknowledging the offense without cover-up or excuse and still choosing to forgive.

Forgiveness is not denial of the hurt. Pride will often cause us to “not allow the person who hurt us the satisfaction” of knowing we are wounded. That is absurd. Acknowledge the reality of the injury but make the choice and decision of your will to be healed.

Forgiveness is eliminating revenge as an option. Lewis Smedes makes a brilliant point about revenge. No matter how much we try “we cannot get even; this is the inner fatality of revenge.” When you start trying to get even you have lost. How many times must I gossip about you to get “even” for the hurt you caused me? When is the scale even? Or do I need to have the scale tip a bit toward me to be satisfied? What a self-defeating pursuit that becomes! And the truth proclaimed by Josh Billings is “there is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.”

Forgiveness means understanding that hurt is part of the faith tour contract that we signed when we decided to follow Jesus. Author David Stoop notes that, “People choose the Path of Bitterness when they get caught up in trying to understand the reasons for the offense. They think, if only they could understand why the other person did what he or she did, they could get over it
and let it go.” I have three words for that approach….does not work.

The late author Lewis Smedes wrote powerfully about forgiveness. He often spoke of how only forgiveness can “release us from the grip of our history.” We cannot change an abusive upbringing. We cannot alter dysfunctional theological training that denied grace. We cannot simply deny the hurts that have been visited upon us and be spiritually free. Only forgiveness can release us from the grip of these real and historical events.

Forgiveness is not the cop out of weak people. The reason you need to forgive is that our Designer knew that is the only way for you to be fully healed. You have a Savior who understands the pain of betrayal. So I am going to ask you to be selfish and forgive. Say what? I have heard bitterness described as drinking rat poison and hoping the other person dies. The comparison works for me. It is vital to your spiritual well being to forgive others. When you follow the directive of Jesus and forgive you are free to concentrate on the blessings in your life. Is this easy? Of course not. I believe that forgiveness is the single hardest thing that Jesus asks us to do. But He knows how important forgiveness is for own growth. Will you go to Hell if you die today without forgiving another person? I don’t believe that for a moment. The redemptive act of Jesus on the cross literally has you (and sins past, present, and future) covered. But why would you want to live in anger and distress when Jesus has something better for you? The Apostle Paul’s wrote these words in Colossians.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col 3 NIV

The movie “End of the Spear” chronicled one of the most amazing stories of forgiveness in recent memory. A group of missionaries were killed by the Waodani tribe in Ecuador. Their wives forgave them and went back to minister to their husbands killers. One of the things that really struck me from the movie “End of the Spear” was that in the Waodani language, there is no word for forgiveness. The concept was so foreign to that culture that no word had ever been coined. In our Christian culture we have the word but we too often lack the theology to apply it. Pastor Tommy Nelson says you can’t live a successful Christian life without good theology. And I believe understanding the Biblical teaching about forgiveness is one example. Jesus told the parable of the unforgiving debtor.

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

“But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

“When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’

One observation from the parable. The debtor never acknowledged the obvious. That there was no way he could repay this debt. He made the ludicrous promise that he would “pay it back”. So the big lessons from the parable are not only extending mercy but realizing how much we have been forgiven. While I will likely never commit an act of brutality like the shooter in Pennsylvania I nonetheless had a debt of sin that could not be repaid. When I realize how much I owed I should be overwhelmed with gratitude that the debt is paid. And from that well of gratitude I should be able to extend that mercy to others. Thomas Fuller observed that “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has to be forgiven.”

To be honest, I still don’t know if I could respond as well as the Amish saints to their heartbreaking tragedy. But I do know one thing as I write these thoughts today. I have seen that it is possible. So I know I have the theology and, with Christ, the ability to forgive like those men and women. The hard truth is that a Christian who is not forgiving is a Christian who is not growing. I am going to pray for me (and for you) to make the choice to forgive. God will do the rest.

Happy Fourth of July! Today the Bad Christian Top 20 Countdown is at Number 18 with this post: I Fought the Law.

I hope you read my blog about going to Homecoming last weekend at Baylor University. It was a wonderful weekend spent with family and friends. But I want these ramblings to be authentic and real. I have an embarrassing admission to make. I drove and parked carefully in Waco last weekend because I feared I was a wanted man. Let me explain.

October 22nd dawned sunny and pleasant in scenic Garland, Texas. I blissfully strode to the mailbox to retrieve my daily dose of catalogues, junk mail, and bills. I sorted through the stack.

“No annual fee for 12 months” – Correct. I am tearing it up.

“A Special Invitation from Miracle Ear” – I don’t like what I can hear. No thanks.

“A Charming Way to Show off Your Cleveland Browns Pride” – After last Sunday??? How about therapy?

“A Special 14 Hour Sale Just For You” – I can’t be there. You can go ahead and cancel it.

And then the heart stopper.

WARRANT ISSUED

Please be advised that Judge (I don’t want to make him mad), City of Waco Municipal Court Judge, has issued a warrant for your arrest.

This got my attention

This may be your last opportunity to pay.

This is Texas…that is a scary statement.

You also can be arrested at your work or home.

They would have a hard time finding me working but this is serious stuff!

My mind raced. I thought that this is going to hurt the very modest sales of my Christian books when I am cuffed and dragged off to the big house. The next thought was what the blazes had I done to be a wanted man? I called the City of Waco offices and gave them my case number (my first time to have a case number). I was thinking insanity would be my plea…witnesses would be no problem. The clerk informed me that my offense was actually a parking ticket picked up and ignored by my first born while he attended Baylor. I could simply admit my (his) guilt, give them a credit card number, and avoid having a humiliating mug shot on file. She turned to the records to enter my payment.

“Oh wait,” she said. “This was paid in full in 1999.”

“So if I had been pulled over in Waco this weekend I would have been cuffed and jailed for an offense that has been cleared?”

“Sorry Sir, I will fix that.”

For some reason I didn’t have a lot of confidence in the record keeping on the Brazos. I asked her to send me a copy of the debt payment just in case I somehow, inexplicably, for the first time in my life, was caught speeding through Waco. On Thursday before Homecoming I received a notarized release of my guilt. I carried it in my pocket all weekend.

Later I thought how scary that notice was and I was innocent! I can’t imagine the fear I would have experienced had I been guilty and received that warrant.

It made me think of another life experience where I fought the law. As I examined God’s Word I realized that I could not keep the law and live a sinless life that would allow me to be declared innocent in front of a Holy God. For a while I fought the law, and the law won (is there a song in there somewhere?). But I realized I could never reconcile with a Holy God on my own merit. James says if you break one part of the law you have violated all of it.

For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (James 2:10 NIV)

I had broken large chunks of the law. But when I read further I found out something very interesting. My debt had been paid in full over 2,000 years ago. I would not get a notarized copy but I would get the reassuring presence of the Holy Spirit. If I was terrified to face the City of Waco what would it be like to face a Holy and Righteous God with a warrant issued for my sin?

I will never know. My debt has been paid by Jesus. I fought the law and the Lord won. If your sin warrant is still active may I encourage you to get it cancelled today?

The Top 20 Countdown continues with Number 19: Is Manliness Endangered?

The number one box office movie is still the 1997 film Titanic. It was the number one movie for fifteen consecutive weekends and grossed 600 million in the US and over 1.8 billion worldwide. Titanic became a national obsession to the point where people were wearing T-Shirts that said…

The boat sank.
Get over it.

Many moviegoers got drawn into the class warfare relationship of Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Rose DeWitt Bukater (Kate Winslet). But there was so much more to this story than the boat sinking. The pride and arrogance of engineers who thought they had designed the unsinkable vessel. Witnessing the worst side of human nature as people perished because some were so concerned about self preservation that they willingly sacrificed others to achieve that goal. All of this came to mind as I read an article in The Weekly Standard entitled Being a Man. Christina Hoff Sommers is the author of the piece. She is the author of a book called The War Against Boys . Sommers was commenting on a controversial new book from Professor Harvey C.Mansfield. His book is titled Manliness and it is creating quite a stir in academic circles. This is an excerpt from Sommer’s article in The Weekly Standard.

ONE OF THE LEAST VISITED memorials in Washington is a waterfront statue commemorating the men who died on the Titanic. Seventy-four percent of the women passengers survived the April 15, 1912, calamity, while 80 percent of the men perished. Why? Because the men followed the principle “women and children first.” The monument, an 18-foot granite male figure with arms outstretched to the side, was erected by “the women of America” in 1931 to show their gratitude.

To The Brave Men
Who Perished
In The Wreck
of The Titanic,
April 15, 1912.
They Gave Their
Lives That Women
and Children
Might Be Saved.

Erected By
The Women
Of America.

Today, almost no one remembers those men. Women no longer bring flowers to the statue on April 15 to honor their chivalry. The idea of male gallantry makes many women nervous, suggesting (as it does) that women require special protection. It implies the sexes are objectively different. It tells us that some things are best left to men. Gallantry is a virtue that dare not speak its name.

In Manliness, Harvey C. Mansfield seeks to persuade skeptical readers, especially educated women, to reconsider the merits of male protectiveness and assertiveness. It is in no way a defense of male privilege, but many will be offended by its old-fashioned claim that the virtues of men and women are different and complementary. Women would be foolish not to pay close attention to Mansfield’s subtle and fascinating argument.

“Manliness,” he says, “is a quality that causes individuals to stand for something.” The Greeks used the term thumos to denote the bristling, spirited element shared by human beings and animals that makes them fight back when threatened. It causes dogs to defend their turf; it makes human beings stand up for their kin, their religion, their country, their principles. “Just as a dog defends its master,” writes Mansfield, “so the doggish part of the human soul defends human ends higher than itself.”

Every human being possesses thumos. But those who are manly possess it in abundance, and sometimes in excess. The manly man is not satisfied to let things be as they are, and he makes sure everyone knows it. He invests his perception of injustice with cosmic importance.

Women can be manly–Margaret Thatcher is an example–but manliness is the “quality mostly of one sex.” This creates problems for a society such as ours that likes to think of itself as “gender neutral,” egalitarian, and sensitive. Manliness is not sensitive. Today, we mainly cope with it by politely changing the subject. The very word is deemed quaint and outmoded. Gender experts in our universities teach as fact that the sex difference is an illusion–a discredited construct, like the earth being flat or the sun revolving around the earth.

This surprises me that a Harvard professor has the courage to write this book. Manliness has been either deemed outmoded or it has been marginalized by the stereotypes of men that are anything but manly. We seem to equate cultural manliness with the “bad boys”. That is not a Biblical view of being a man. The church has some dogs in this hunt. The role of men in marriages and families has been perplexing as we try to integrate Biblical principles with cultural realities. Neither I nor my wife will ever believe that sex differences are an illusion. Raising three sons will get you to that place. The confusion that many men feel over how to be a spiritual leader in the home is often paralyzing. But how this issue plays out in the corporate church may be the biggest issue of all.

David Murrow has written a book called Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow postulates in an interview in Leadership Magazine that men don’t do church very well. In a nutshell, he sees these problems.

“You have to be able to speak, read, and pray out loud in church culture, and the average man is not going to be as good at that as most women. Secondly, we do almost nothing to try to attract men. We’re constantly putting books in the hands of Christians telling them that the way to Christ is through a classroom experience and Bible studies. This whole idea of church as a “learning process” is going to attract more women than men. On top of that, so much of the imagery used in the church is feminine. In the last fifty years, the dominant metaphor used to describe the Christian life has been “a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” Jesus’ command was not to “have a personal relationship with me,” but to “follow me.” Men can handle that.”

Men can handle that. We understand how to follow a dynamic leader and Jesus was that. We often forget how over the top revolutionary Jesus was in His teachings about women. He demonstrated manliness in the sense that I would like to become manly. Courageous when speaking the truth. Strong enough to stand up for the poor, the weak, and disadvantaged. Tender enough to realize the pure hearts of children. Willing to forgive and to restore those who left him behind. Jesus was not like the hippie peace loving character from the TV show The Book of Daniel. That type of benign character won’t get you killed on a cross. And Jesus realized the importance of investing His life into the life of flawed men who, despite their weaknesses, understood the concept of manliness. And those twelve men changed the world. Send out twelve emasculated men with that mission and see what happens.

The article from The Weekly Standard continues.

Manliness can be noble and heroic, like the men on the Titanic; but it can also be foolish, stubborn, and violent. Manliness is often aggressive, but when the aggression is tied to the concept of honor, it transcends mere animal spiritedness. Allied with reason, as in Socrates, manliness finds its highest expression.

Because manliness manifested in sinfulness is often foolish and violent our culture wants to neuter the manliness and not attack the root cause of misguided “thumos”. It is politically incorrect to suggest that sin is the reason for manliness that goes astray in violence and aggression. I believe that is the root cause and not the trait of manliness. I remember the fear of Promise Keepers expressed by many women. The concern that somehow we men were rallying to reclaim our role as kings of the house and plotting ways to make our wives live in submission to our every desire. But all I ever experienced at a Promise Keepers meeting was getting my butt kicked about not loving my wife enough. Or being challenged about working too much and spending too little time with my wife and kids. Dangerous stuff, huh?

I would suggest that for me manliness finds its highest expression when I am trying to love my wife like Christ loved the church (I have varying degrees of success). Manliness is manifested in having the “thumos” to protect her and my family and my friends. I pray that I would have the courage to be like the men who were honored at the now mostly forgotten Titanic monument. Jesus said that “greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Do I have that kind of love?

Nobility. Honor. Manliness. Do we still believe in those words? It is an important question.