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I started a series on not becoming a victim recently excerpted from my book “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church”. I took a break from that series last week but I thought I had better not leave any potential victims hanging. So here is the last installment in this series.

In the Christian walk hurts are inevitable. Feeling like a victim and deciding to stay there really is optional. The Apostle Paul was a pretty fair theologian and was hand picked to spread the message of Christ. He was not able to avoid trouble and hurts. To the church of Corinth he wrote, “As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses.” 2 Cor 6:4  Doesn’t sound like the type of message that would lead to a successful televangelist career. Paul obviously encountered difficulties in his walk with Jesus and he related his appreciation for the support of the Church at Philippi, “Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.” (Phi 4:14)

Paul, like most of us, desired that his life go without a hitch. But God revealed to him the purpose of troubles. And you will note that there was a small group of people that were there to share in his troubles. Most of us are familiar with Paul’s reference to his “thorn in the flesh”. The rendering in The Message gives an interesting read on Paul’s spiritual growth through difficulties.
 
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty!  2 Cor. 12:7 (MsgB)
 
Paul’s attitude is a pretty solid baseline of spiritual maturity. When you can use the phrase “the gift of a handicap” and actually mean it you have achieved a depth of faith that is exceptional.
 
We must not become victims from wounds that become spiritually life threatening because we choose non-treatment.  If the hurt is genuine and deep then we will explore some steps to move forward toward healing in the coming chapters. But if you have hit the spiritual wall of victimhood my prayer is that you will decide to move forward this day.

There is a story told about the great General Robert E. Lee. He visited a Kentucky home where a bitter and angry woman pointed to what was left of a magnificent tree in front of her house. She was still upset that Union artillery fire had ruined the shape and beauty of the tree. She looked to General Lee to share her anger. She wanted the great leader to condemn the “Yankees” and sympathize with her. Lee paused and quietly said, “Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it.” Lee knew that the ravaged tree would only be a constant reminder of her victimhood. He wisely suggested that the reminder be cut out of her life so she could get on with her life. That tree would never be the same and bitterness would not change that fact.

I have often chosen to leave those scarred remnants in my own heart and mind that only remind and upset me all over again. For many of us it is time to emulate the words of Robert E. Lee. “Cut it down, my dear brothers and sisters, and forget it.” Jesus gives us the tools to cut it down.

I started a series on not becoming a victim recently excerpted from my book “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church”. I took a break from that series last week but I thought I had better not leave any potential victims hanging. So here is the next installment.

Blessings, Dave

All of this leads to a hard truth that I am unable to avoid. It is incredibly easy to embrace victimhood when we are hurt. It is even more problematic when we are wounded and we are sure in our hearts that we have done nothing to deserve such treatment. In the last chapter we saw how Jesus asked the blind beggar what he wanted from Him. In the gospel of John we see another example of how Christ asked a seeker to make a decision to leave his woundedness behind, knowing that he could never again fall back on that as his identity. 

Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, in Hebrew called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people-blind, crippled, paralyzed-were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years.

When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?”

The sick man said, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.”

Jesus said, “Get up, take your bedroll, start walking.” The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bedroll and walked off.  John 5:1-3 (MsgB) 

First, Jesus asked the invalid if he wanted to get well. What an amazing demonstration that God will not force Himself on anyone, no matter how obvious the need, if we don’t make a decision to accept His healing. Second, Jesus asked the man to do something. “Get up,” Jesus said to the man. He knew full well how much faith it would take to even attempt that seemingly simple task. When he made the choice by faith to leave his victimhood behind he was healed.

Alfred D’Souza wrote that, “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” I have come to that same realization regarding the church. These flawed people, these perceived obstacles to my joy are the community that Jesus ordained for me. They are my fellowship life. Waiting for them to perfectly meet my needs will leave me frustrated till I depart this planet. Is that a pessimistic view? I don’t think so. And the reason is that I am also one of those flawed people that those around me have to deal with through the grace of Jesus. The amount of energy invested into forgiveness or bitterness is probably about the same. But the end results are diametrically different. One choice leaves us paralyzed in the past. The other choice gives hope for the future.

….to be continued

Last weekend the striking Mrs. Burchett accompanied me on a speaking engagement in Knoxville, Tennessee. We spent a few days at a cabin in Pigeon Forge and did the tourist thing. One of the highlights took me by surprise. My bride loves pottery so one of my “sacrificial” ways to love her is to accompany her to pottery shops. Guys refer to that as “hitting behind the runner” or “taking the charge”. We stopped by a local shop called Alewine Pottery and I was immediately fascinated by the open work area. There was the owner making vases and pots right before my eyes. Behind me were shelves of the finished products – colorful and beautiful and functional.

I watched him take a nondescript piece of clay and skillfully make an unique and beautiful creation. The verse from Isaiah came to mind.

O Lord, you are our Father.
      We are the clay, and you are the potter.
      We all are formed by your hand.

Suddenly that verse came to life. But the complexity of the potter’s work and his skills made the metaphor really connect for the first time. The forming of the raw material into unique forms is just the beginning of the process. That is how it is with us as unique creations of our Father. He forms us by His hand. Like the pottery in that shop, everyone of us is an original. But our process is also complex and it has just begun when we first submit to shaping by the Potter’s Hands.

The potter must make sure that no dirt or impurities are in the clay as he forms the pot. If he finds those impurities he carefully removes them before finishing the shaping. These bad materials will make the pot weak and not useful for it’s intended purpose. God desires to do the same with us. Impurities (sin) weaken us and keep us from our intended purpose.

The potter must also make sure that air bubbles don’t remain in the clay. Air bubbles can cause the pot to crack when the heat is applied in the kiln. I thought of those air bubbles as pockets of resistance in my life. I can appear to be molded to God’s direction. But I have “bubbles” of pride and anger and control. These bubbles of self can cause me to crack under fire.

The metaphors that Scripture uses are so powerful when we take the time to understand context and culture. I realized that the pot on the potter’s wheel is beautiful but essentially useless when it is initially formed. The pot is carefully dried and set aside. At this point the piece is called greenware and it is extremely brittle and easily breakable. Two things need to happen to make the pot strong and usable. The clay must go through the fire of the kiln to be strengthened and it must be glazed. An article on pottery at Wikipedia had an interesting parallel to the spiritual metaphor.

Pottery is made by forming a clay body into objects of a required shape and heating them to high temperatures in a kiln to induce reactions that lead to permanent changes, including increasing their strength and hardening and setting their shape.

Trials by fire can have that same effect on us as followers of Jesus. Trials can make us stronger and set our shape as His followers. Or the fire of life’s trials can harden us against God and make us useless for His plan.

I realized that I am just beginning to really understand that process in my life. I would be content to stay in my greenware state, brittle and not useful for service. But God knows that it is in the fire that we are strengthened and made useful. It is in the heat of trials that the true beauty of our creative process is revealed. And every instance of significant growth in my life has been in the fire of adversity.

There are a couple of  huge differences between the earthly potter and God as the Potter. When the earthly potter finds a bad piece of clay he will just discard it. Our Heavenly Potter patiently works with us even when we seem unshapable. If careless handling or air bubbles cause an unfired pot to break the pieces are discarded. Only our Heavenly Father can take the shards of brokenness and make a pot more beautiful and useful than before.

The words of James made more sense in the context of the potter’s process.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

There is no joy in the trial but there is joy in the knowledge of how God uses such events in our lives. If you are in the trial or facing a trial be comforted that God desires for you to emerge strengthened and beautiful and useful. One potter said that the greatest thing about making pots is that each lump of clay has near-infinite potential. The lump of clay that is me and the lump of clay that is you has infinite potential because we have an infinite God. I pray that we will allow Him to shape us in His image. I pray that we will confess the impurity of sin and ask Him to remove it. I pray that we will burst the bubbles of self that control us. I pray that we will trust the Heavenly Potter as we enter the fire. And most of all I pray that we will not fear the process that God uses to make us beautiful and useful creations.

I have always longed for a more distinct appellation. A more colorful moniker. A memorable sobriquet. Instead I am named Dave. I share my very original name with 3,553,128 other citizens of this great country according to the website howmanyofme.com. My name is the 7^th most common male first name in America. Los Angeles has a population of about 3.8 million so you could populate about 94 percent of LA with Daves and Davids. I looked throughout history and I saw many distinctive names that I considered for my upgraded cognomen. I am envious of the title given to Diogenes. The philosopher was known as Diogenes the Cynic. My wife quickly vetoed “Dave the Sarcastic” since that is one of my gifts that she is trying to downsize.

Some of the names in history were powerful. William the Conquerer and Richard the Lionheart conjure up images of strong and courageous leaders.

Some names would not make the hearer real comfortable.
“I would like you to meet Vlad the Impaler.”
That’s a party ender. Being introduced to Ivan the Terrible or Pedro the Cruel would not make for comfortable small talk either.

Some other names are not so intimidating. It must have been odd to be the King of France and have the title of Charles the Simple. But that was better than his predecessors, Charles the Bald and Charles the Fat. Charles the Bald had a son who became king. His name was Louis the Stammerer. No kidding. It must have been fun to be the king, nervously waiting for your title to be assigned. Since they titled kings by obvious traits I would have been “Dave the Awkward Dancer”. But that is still better than “Dave the Simple”.

There seems to be a lack of creative among the really, really powerful. Alexander, Catherine, Herod, Peter, Frederick, Constantine, Cyrus, King Alfred, Xerxes, Darius, Gustav Adolph, and many others called themselves “the great”. That seemed way too pompous for me. And since I am going for authentic about who I am that title would simply not be honest. Still, “Dave the Occasionally Above Average” lacks the impact I was hoping to find.

My search for a new title was fruitless. But I am thrilled to report that my bride has a new name. First, a bit of background before we unveil Joni’s new designation. One year ago today was D-Day. Diagnosis Day. At just about the time that I am writing this one year ago I received a call from Joni telling me that she had breast cancer. We began a journey that has been difficult and long. But it has also been an amazing testimony to the sustaining strength and comfort that God gives His children when we totally depend on Him. God has taught us so much in the past year. I asked Joni what her biggest lesson from the cancer had been. Her answer was trust. Trust in a God who is trustworthy. Joni wrote these words in the middle of her chemotherapy.

I don’t like being sick but God keeps  reminding me that He is in charge of my body, the cancer, the treatments and the timing even though  I feel so out of control.  When I am able to relinquish control of my situation is when He can work.  Lord, I thank you for Dave, my earthly rock, and I thank you that you are my true Rock.  Psalms 31:3  For thou art my rock and my fortress;  for thy name’s sake Thou wilt lead me and guide me. 

Joni built her foundation on the solid rock of Jesus and she withstood the storm with courage, grace, and dignity. Recently she underwent the one year scan to see if the cancer had developed anywhere else. The scan was clear.

So Joni has a new title that is better to me than all of the great titles of history. Her new title is “Joni the Survivor”. That has a wonderful ring to it.

(For those who are breathlessly awaiting the next installment of the victimhood series…it will resume in a couple of days)

God is a great teacher. He is a prof that I cannot bluff. I report to Him that I have read the material. I tell others that I have done my homework. I speak proudly about how I am mastering the course. And then He pops the life quiz to see if I have truly absorbed what I say I have learned. Those who are honest about this journey know that you are in trouble anytime you announce that you are determined to be more (choose from the following partial list: patient, loving, obedient, forgiving, prayerful, serving). God smiles and arranges a test. I hate the spiritual pop quizzes as much as I did the academic ones. But they are just as revealing about how I am doing. A recent pop quiz consisted of work situations that frustrated me and other people conspiring (I thought) to divert my focus and steal my joy. How did I do? I failed the test miserably. I was grumpy. I was discouraged. My joy meter barely moved. I bombed the test.

Later I regrouped and had a personal conference with the Teacher (He is really good about that). That is when I remembered again what grace means to me. Yes, I failed miserably. Yes, I was disappointed in myself. Yes, I was a little embarrassed that I have written and spoken so boldly and flopped so easily. But here is what poured over my soul from the Holy Spirit.

You are my child.
I love you.

Grace always takes me by surprise. I am not conditioned by this world to expect love and acceptance when I have failed. I am conditioned to expect condemnation, shame, and rejection. But there was the Father God patiently and lovingly dealing with me. Mark McMinn, a professor at Wheaton College,  wrote these words in an article in Christianity Today.

“Seeing our sin occurs over a lifetime of pursuing God. Our vision is seldom restored in a single burst of light but with countless rays streaming into our darkened eyes over many years—and always in the midst of amazing grace.”

That is the power of grace in my life. In His infinite mercy God does not reveal the ugliness of my heart in one gigantic and loveless revelation that would destroy me. He chooses instead to gently chip away at the rough edges of pride, selfishness, and disobedience. The famous artist Michelangelo would often select a block of marble that others thought unsalvageable and then go to work on that ugly hunk of rock.  He once remarked, “I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free.” That is what God’s grace means to me. He sees the beauty in the piece of rock that is me. And He sees the beauty that no one else sees. He lovingly and gently carves away the ugliness until a little beauty begins to come through. But He never gets angry and gives up if another strata of ugly crops up.

That is what grace means to me. Even on the days that I fail miserably I know that I am loved. I am accepted. There  is nothing that I can do to make God love me more and nothing I can do to make Him love me less. This is one place where the spiritual hall monitors are apt to jump in and complain about “cheap grace” in the church. Cheap grace means one thing. You don’t understand grace. Because grace understood would never translate to making such an amazing act of unmerited mercy trivial or unappreciated.

Paul and Barnabas proclaimed to the assembly that,  “We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved.” A common acronym for grace is God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Recently I have experienced a new acronym for grace.

God’s
Radical
And
Complete
Embrace

Most of us know the story of slave trader John Newton who repented of his sin and wrote a popular little tune called Amazing Grace. When he said wretch he knew what he was talking about. At the end of his life Newton said to his friends, “My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior.”

He is indeed.

Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound. That saves and oh so patiently perfects a wretch like me. Amazing.

For the next several days I will be working on a new book project. During that time I will be posting some excerpts from the previous books. We begin with a chapter from “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for Those Wounded by the Church”. This chapter is called “Your Bleating Heart Will Tell On You” and it deals with the uncomfortable truth that sometimes we choose to remain in victimhood.

Blessings,

Dave

Many people go to church with the hope of finding a place to finally belong and fit in. They were the kids who dined alone in middle-school. They were the people who hated phys-ed because they were the agonizing last pick for a team or they felt embarrassed to undress around the “jocks”. They might have been the one who sat home depressed on prom night or were rejected for membership by a fraternity or sorority on campus. Then you hear about this thing called Christianity and how everyone is part of a body of believers that love and share together. It sounds too good to be true (and sometimes it is). The reality is that the church is the same collection of personalities that you struggled with in high school, college and beyond. Sorry.

Nonetheless, we feel a profound sense of betrayal when a person in the church lets us down. It really does cause a hurt disproportionate to the size of the wound when it is inflicted by someone we know and trust. The Psalmist described the feelings in this passage.

This isn’t the neighborhood bully
mocking me-I could take that.
This isn’t a foreign devil spitting
invective-I could tune that out.
It’s you! We grew up together!
You! My best friend!
Those long hours of leisure as we walked
arm in arm, God a third party to our conversation.

Can’t you feel the pain of the writer? Haven’t you been there at one time or another? It’s you! It’s not Bob the Backstabber or Gertie the Gossip. I would have been ready for that. It’s you! My best friend…or so I thought. It does hurt disproportionably to the apparent size of the wound.

We endure hurts and wounds that wouldn’t happen if we were all living according to the example and teachings of Jesus. But allow me to let you in on another little factoid. We don’t always do that. And perhaps a more vexing problem is that some Christians are wholly convinced that they are following the teachings of Jesus yet they wound others through their actions. I would encourage you to examine their actions through the lens of God’s Word. Perhaps part of your healing process will require finding a flock that properly balances doctrine and grace. You already know from comments in this book how seriously I take any decision to leave a church. As a general rule I follow the belief that I need to be directed to another flock instead of church shopping whenever I am offended. But I will allow that a church environment that will not encourage your restoration and healing might require a change of flocks. A church that is abusive is not a place that any sheep should be…let alone a wounded lamb. Any shepherd that does not preach the gospel of Jesus Christ will require you to seek a new flock. I would encourage you to review the checklist that I included in Chapter 2 of Bad Christians to help evaluate the merit of trying a new pasture. The grass isn’t always greener but it may be more nourishing in some cases. But I must leave this topic with a word of caution. Please pray, be still and listen and leave with grace and dignity if you must. Burn no bridges and wound no sheep (or shepherds) as you exit.

…to be continued

For the next several days I will be working on a new book project. During that time I will be posting some excerpts from the previous books. We begin with a chapter from “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for Those Wounded by the Church”. This chapter is called “Your Bleating Heart Will Tell On You” and it deals with the uncomfortable truth that sometimes we choose to remain in victimhood.

Blessings,

Dave

We have unrealistic expectations regarding how our church experience should be unfold. The church is where I least (or at least used to) expect to be hurt. Perhaps we expect attack and have our defenses up when we are out in the “world” but are extra vulnerable to attack at church.

For example, you likely would not hurt a boxer if you took a swing at him in the ring. He would be wary, fists up and ready to defend and respond. You might hurt that same tough individual if you walked up and slugged him when he was totally unprepared and defenseless, never dreaming that an attack might happen in a supposedly safe place. That is how some churchgoers view the church…as a safe place where no sucker punches could possibly be thrown. They believe they are not at risk and defenses can be let down. And because the punch is so unexpected it will likely inflict more damage than the same emotional punch would deliver outside the church.

For many of us church is a final attempt to find community. For others the church is a last bastion of hope that there is a place where they will not be hurt. . Some believe, and worse yet, have been told that their every wish will be met in the body of Christ, from finances to fellowship to health. Mature believers know that every need is met when we are seeking God’s will and growing in our relationship with Christ. But not every desire is met.

Some churchgoers expect members of the flock will always be at their side when they experience a rough time. And that should be true. But what often happens is they get involved in a church filled with people like you and me who have our own problems. Oh we care, but probably not enough to jeopardize the alignment of our own universe. I believe with all of my being that God will bring an individual, group or church into my (and your) life that will meet those deep seated needs and bring about healing. But the reality is that you have a responsibility to make that happen.

To achieve that type of relationship in the body takes a commitment on your part. You must give time and invest yourself in the lives of a small group of people in the church. I have found those relationships will result in brothers and sisters who will return the favor. The best experiences that Joni and I have had in a church body not surprisingly coincided with our involvement with a dynamic small group. It takes work and time but I can tell you it is worth the effort. Joni and I know there is a group of ten that will be there if we need them. We have no
doubt. But that didn’t happen by just waltzing through the church door on Sunday mornings. We have invested in their lives and they in ours.

Without that kind of support from the flock I think we are more likely to blame God for the failure of His people or, for that matter, for our own failure. I am guilty of evaluating God just like I evaluate friends and neighbors. I think Stacey Padrick gets is correct when he writes in Discipleship Magazine that “We call people good if they do what we want and make us happy. We apply the same criteria to God.”

To blame God for our wounds from others effectively ends our pursuit of spiritual healing. To blame God shows a lack of belief or lack of knowledge of His promises to meet our needs. To blame God shows that our prayers and desires do not always reflect that His will be done but sometimes that our will was not done in a timely fashion and according to our requests.

….to be continued