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Recently reader Texmom good-naturedly (I hope) encouraged me to get out from under the table and be more aggressive in my response to spiritual player hater Sam Harris. I found that resting comfortably under the table was a nice place to be after writing about Rosie O’Donnell, Jerry Falwell, Sam Harris, Madonna, and Victoria Osteen in recent days. But none of those topics are as frightening as today’s subject. I am going to write about the female brain. As usual when I address topics like this one I must post the following disclaimer.

Warning: The following post may (or, sadly, may not) contain humor. This blog was produced in a program where irony and satire are processed. May contain sarcasm fragments. If you are allergic to humor or attempts at humor please avoid this product.

This potentially incendiary topic came up as I rummaged through the Healthy Living section of the Dallas Morning News. Writer Leslie Van Wassenhove began the piece with this question.

• 
  
  True or false: At birth, the female brain is more mature than the male brain.
  
  According to neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, it’s true: A girl has a literal head start over members of the opposite sex. In fact, her noggin will develop faster than that of a boy by one to two years, as Dr. Brizendine explains in The Female Brain (Morgan Road Books). This is just the first of many differences she describes that stem from the structure and development of the male and female minds. Dr. Brizendine traces the neurohormonal disparities between men and women from conception through post-menopause, offering evidence on why women may perceive and react to situations differently than do men.

Women may perceive and react to situations differently than do men? May? Are you kidding me? At any rate, I took the following quiz from that article and recorded my answers in parenthesis. I also added some reactions to the actual answers in italics.

How brain-savvy are you? Test yourself to see how much of The Female Brain you know:

1. Men have more brain cells than women. (False…no,  true…wait, uhh, no comment. Okay, False)

Answer: False; women have just as many brain cells, but they are packed more tightly into their smaller skulls. That clears up some of the issues. Women’s brain cells have less room to wander off and do stupid stuff. That is a clear advantage for the feminine mind.

2. Women have more neurons than men in the brain centers for language. (True…no doubt)

Answer: True; as a result, women are naturally more talkative than men, using approximately 20,000 words per day compared with the 7,000 uttered by their male counterparts. Even these numbers do not truly represent the disparity in the vocabulary between men and women. Using myself as the lab rat, I calculated that of my 7,000 uttered words nearly 5,000 of them were baseball and football fantasy league words, lyrics to classic rock and roll songs, meaningless words from Monty Python skits, and lines from movies like Airplane and Dodgeball. Another 1900 plus entries were work related. So I calculate that I enter the verbal fray with my bride armed with about 67 actual usable words.

3. During the three months after birth, girls’ skills in eye contact increase by more than 400 percent, while boys’ skills do not increase at all. (Sounds true)

Answer: True; girls are not exposed to the testosterone surge in utero that shrinks the neurological centers for communication, observation and processing of emotion in boys, so girls are better equipped from birth to develop skills that use those parts of the brain. See…we can’t help it that the testosterone tsunami shrinks our communication, observation and processing skills. Those guttural grunts are actually quite articulate given the handicaps we must overcome.

4. Women can’t develop the desire to have a child just by holding someone else’s baby. (False)

Answer:  False; infants produce pheromones that cause the female brain to produce oxytocin, a hormone that can create that desire. I have witnessed this phenomenom. Now I am observing that holding an infant causes both the female and male brain to develop the desire for your grown children to start producing grandbabies. Eligible sons…are you reading this?

5. Pregnancy causes a woman’s brain to grow. (False)

Answer: False; the brain shrinks in the last three months of pregnancy but returns to normal by six months after a woman gives birth. No comment.

6. Women tend to value a man’s appearance over his material resources and social status. (False)

Answer: False; in a study of 10,000 individuals in 37 countries, women in every culture looked for social and financial independence more than visual appeal in a mate. I have found that to be true. Woman are not nearly as shallow as men on the appearance issue in their mates. I am perplexed by my bride’s decision to pair with me. I missed the cut on the visual appeal and financial independence markers. What was she thinking?

7. Hugging, especially for women, releases neurochemicals that can increase trust in the hugger. (False)

Answer: True; after a hug lasting at least 20 seconds, the brain produces oxytocin that turns on the trust response and dulls more critical judgment. Interesting. Joni, if you are reading this please skip to number 8. Thank you.

I think I learned something important here. When I hug my wife she often gives me the dismissive pat after 10 seconds or so. I thought she was just being a bit impatient. Now I realize that she was  protecting her critical judgment. I will hold the embrace in the future to rev up that trust response and dull her critical judgment. How sad I am just learning this after 30 years.

8. Breast-feeding can make women absent-minded. (False)

Answer: True; breast-feeding can extend and intensify the mental fogginess that many women experience after giving birth. I still contend the mental fogginess can be traced directly to sleeping 4 hours a week.

So I got six out of eight correct. Much better than I would have predicted. And what is the value of this little exercise? Not much. It is fun. I think it is important to realize and value the differences in the minds of men and women. But for me the application about how our minds are wired is gender neutral. There are many references to the mind in the New Testament Scriptures. Here is the answer key for all of the statements to follow.

True.

Romans 8:5–7  Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will.  NLT

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  NIV

Ephesians 4:23–24 …to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  NIV

Phillipians 4:7  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  NIV

Colossians 3:2  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  NIV

I Peter 1:13  Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. NIV

And the grand finale comes from the mind of Jesus.

Matthew 22:36–38  Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  NIV

I am fascinated by the difference in the minds of men and women. But I am challenged by the differences in the minds of those who seek the mind of Christ and those who do not. I want my mind to be different. Like Jesus.

That is an ambitious little project that should keep me busy for the rest of my days because I have a long, long way to go. And that is true. Final answer.

Regular readers of these ramblings know that I often post a gently read previous post on Joni’s chemotherapy days. We refer to the chemo infusion suite as the “Slow Drip Spa” and I am thrilled and grateful to report that our membership expires today! This is the last treatment in her chemo regimen and we are rejoicing. Our journey is not over…next up is a few weeks hanging out at the “Radiation Retreat“. But the worst of the journey is over and God’s grace has truly been sufficient. Thanks for your previous and ongoing prayers. It makes a difference.

Today’s gently read post relates to my fascination with ridiculous warning labels. Apparently manufacturers feel compelled to print these warnings because we, the citizens of this planet, are stupid. How else could you explain needing to explain to parents that you should remove the child before folding a baby stroller? If I neglected to do that I would have to put a warning label on my wife’s shoe.

“Remove from derriere before sitting after you have folded child in stroller.”

I am really not excited to report that we are not getting any smarter but the folks at Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch are having a blast chronicling the slow and agonizing death of common sense. This year’s winners of the Wacky Warning Label Contest are in. The contest, now in its ninth year, is conducted to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products. So enjoy this years winners starting with the runners-up.

A cocktail napkin with a small map of the waterways around Hilton Head, South Carolina carries this wise advice : Caution – Not to be used for navigation. Maybe Gilligan and the Skipper had a couple of Mai Tais and used the cocktail napkin on that three hour cruise.

The $250 second place award went to Jam Sardar of Grand Rapids, Michigan for a label on a kitchen knife that warns: Never try to catch a falling knife. Everytime a knife falls I end up at the emergency room! What is wrong with these knives?

Kirk Dunham of Seabrook, Texas gets an honorable mention for a warning label he found on a bottle of dried bobcat urine made to keep rodents and other pests away from garden plants. It says: Not for human consumption. That might be the most unnecessary label in history for yours truly. This human would use gloves to even touch this bottle.

Another honorable mention goes to Lyne Anton of Elk, California who found the following warning label on a baking pan: Ovenware will get hot when used in oven. Really? I noticed dishes get hot in the oven too. Maybe there is a trend here…hmmm.

But the grand prize winner goes to a heat gun and paint remover that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees and warns: Do not use this tool as a hair dryer. I would suspect that you would figure this out relatively quickly. “Honey, is that ovenware getting hot again? I smell something burning. Never mind, dear, I just melted my hair. I wish they would have warned me not to use a paint removing heat gun on my head.”

“Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times,” said Robert B. Dorigo Jones, M-LAW president. “An unpredictable legal system – in which judges allow anyone to file a lawsuit on almost any theory – has created a need for product makers to plaster wacky warnings on everything.” Humor columnist Dave Barry wrote about this trend. “Fortunately, I live in the United States of America, where we are gradually coming to understand that nothing we do is ever our fault, especially if it is really stupid.” And these warning labels are a sign that too many of us are unwilling to take any personal responsibility for our actions. We are the culture of “not at fault”. There is “no fault” auto insurance and “no fault” divorce. A child learns to say “it’s not my fault” right after they learn to say “no.” The “not at fault” mindset has crept into the body of Christ as well. For too many people nothing is ever their fault. We seem to have lost the ability to simply say “I was wrong. Please forgive me.” Instead we do the dreaded apology light. You know the syndrome. Some people can only say the words “I am sorry” if that phrase is immediately followed by a gigantic but (that would be one “t”). Whenever I see or hear the gigantic “but” I tend to discount the apology. I am sorry but I was having a bad day. Forgive me for my words but I was really tired and not feeling well. I shouldn’t have reacted but the other person was rude. I overreacted but he pushed my buttons (whatever that means). Blah, blah, blah, blah. We have allowed our American idea of rights to infiltrate the church. The confusing of rights and responsibilities is a dangerous trap for the body of Christ. Basically, being responsible for our actions is an act of love and obedience. Clearly we have a biblical responsibility to love one another. The Apostle John has some insight.

If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both. (1 John 4:20-21) The Message

The command is indeed blunt. Noted Christian author A. B. Simpson once noted that “a good way to test your love to God is by the way you treat your brother…God is more concerned by my conduct toward my brother than by my prayers to Him.” Amen. Jesus said something similar to the Pharisees: “Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.” (Matthew 23:11-12) The Message

I want my life to count for plenty. I am willing to take responsibility for my actions. If I am stupid (make that when I am stupid) I am willing to say I am wrong, I am sorry, and no buts about it.

Yes…the spelling in the title is correct. I am going to reluctantly revisit the airplane incident with Joel and Victoria Osteen that happened last Christmas. By far the most visited post I have ever written was in regards to the tepid apology that Mrs.Osteen issued after the incident. I finally removed the post after it became merely a feedback repository for partisan shots. The comments became a back and forth series between those who support the Osteen’s and their ministry versus those who do not. It became a spectacular exercise in missing the point. The ministry of Joel and Victoria Osteen was never the focus of my article. I became frustrated and dismayed with the discourse so I removed the post. 

My argument was never about the Osteen’s ministry, mega-churches, celebrity Christians, or any of the issues raised by many of those who posted feedback. My focus was on accountability for everyone in the body of Christ and our responsibility to respond with graciousness and humility. Immediately after the initial story was reported I wrote these words.

“I pray that the Osteens will handle this in a way that demonstrates the humility and grace of Jesus. We all make mistakes. It is how we respond to them that can make a difference. Repenting and repairing by asking forgiveness is a very good way to practice damage control.”

A couple of days later a letter was posted on the church website from Victoria Osteen.

Regardless of how some have portrayed the situation, please know that it was truly a minor misunderstanding and did not escalate into what you saw or read in the news. Contrary to those reports it was my choice to remove myself from the situation. Nonetheless, it was a most unfortunate event and I truly regret that it happened.

The last thing I would ever want to do is let any of you down. And I promise you that I did not act in any way that would cast a bad light on you, my family, Lakewood Church or our Lord Jesus Christ. I value the position that God has placed me in and I can assure you that I will always walk in love and integrity. While I am not perfect, I will always seek to be a peacemaker and seek the high road.

I was disappointed in Victoria Osteen’s response. She never wrote the words “I am sorry” or “please forgive me” for this incident. I wonder if either of those phrases would have tempered what was reported this week. A recent article in the Dallas Morning News  had this sad news.

The wife of nationally known pastor and author Joel Osteen was sued this week by a Continental Airlines flight attendant who said she was assaulted by her on a flight. The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member during a Christmas vacation flight to Vail, Colo., on Dec. 19. Ms. Osteen paid the fine in August to put the issue to rest, her attorney Rusty Hardin told the Houston Chronicle. She believes “very, very strongly” that she did nothing wrong, Mr. Hardin said.

But the reality is that something happened. There was a disagreement that was strong enough for the family to leave the plane and delay the flight. No matter how minor or major the misunderstanding that event inconvenienced a lot of people. So it seemed to me that some words of contrition would have been helpful. When you are a visible and vocal representative of Jesus, whether it’s at a megachurch or a mini mart, you are representing Jesus everyday and every moment. I can guarantee you that if I display unseemly behavior the first thing that will pop into the minds of those who know me will be  “I wonder if that is in his wonderful little Christian books?”. One of my biggest fears in writing books (and these daily ramblings) was that I have put myself on the line for the rest of my life. My actions will be evaluated in light of what I have written and said. Fair? Probably not. But it is a fact.

But the reality is that simply announcing  “I am a Christian” does exactly the same thing for anyone reading these words. Your failures likely won’t make the news but they may do just as much damage. Here is the lesson for all of us. When we inevitably fail we need to remember the five R’s of reconciliation.

1. Review – evaluate your actions prayerfully in the light of His Holy Spirit
   
2. Repent – turn toward God and away from your sin
   
3. Repair – seek out those who have been affected and seek forgiveness
   
4. Reject Excuses – don’t negate the power of forgiveness by saying something like I am sorry but I was having a bad day. Just say I am sorry or please forgive me. Period.
   
5. Rejoice – in a gracious God who forgives us time after time after time.

Can we do anything less if we truly stop and consider His grace to us? I squirm a bit when I write articles like this. I look in the mirror and reflect on the thought that I am the wretch the song is talking about. And I always know that someone will write a response to me with a lot of ALL CAPS and  they will use the verse from Matthew to let me know I am a judgmental jerk.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

I think we have so broadly applied this teaching that we have ceased to hold ourselves, and others, accountable in how all of us represent Christ. Remember that Jesus was addressing the religious people who talked about godliness but acted entirely differently. I am to evaluate myself by the standards of God’s Word, and yes, the standard should be higher for me because I have publicly identified myself as a follower of Christ. I want others to hold me accountable. In fact, I was confronted a couple of years ago by a person who informed me that my actions did not match my public testimony. I was grateful because I was able to repent and ask forgiveness of that person and others. That is the standard we set for ourselves as Christians. I cannot judge the motives or heart of Mrs. Osteen or anyone else. I do believe that she could have diffused this situation with a different response. But my focus is squarely on myself. How will I respond when I face frustration in life?

I pray that I will  offer a loving and grace filled response. But the reality is that I may need to humble myself and seek forgiveness. Both glorify the name of Jesus.

Welcome to today’s edition of the iPod Devotional Series. For newcomers to the site here is how it works. On the old iPod is a “shuffle songs” feature. You hit the button and the iPod randomly picks a song.  I am writing a blog about whatever song the device selects on that day from the 1,000 plus songs on my iPod. My music list will further confirm my status as a Christian who makes others feel superior. My music goes from Al Green to the Youngbloods. Beatles to U2. Old hymns to modern praise music. Toby Keith to Frank Sinatra. Oldies to the soundtrack from Monty Python’s Spamalot. This could be interesting. So with without further ado the selection today is…

Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds.

The song was the second number one hit for the Byrds and it reached that spot in 1965. Their first song to reach number one? Mr. Tambourine Man. I had actually written an earlier post using today’s song so I am reproducing some of that article with some updates. That post dealt with some of the lessons that Joni and I were learning on her/our cancer journey. A big part of what we learned was the truth of the wise king who wrote the classic lament in a book called Ecclesiastes that would become the basis for the song about 3,000 years later. That has to be the record for delayed release of a song.

There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

I will have to confess I first learned these truths courtesy of  The Byrds in 1965. With lyrics by Solomon (King) and Seeger (Pete) the song Turn! Turn! Turn! was a favorite of mine during my confused journey into adolescence. But the truth of the words of King Solomon beautifully adapted by Seeger and colleagues is resonating with me today. I would suggest that a fair percentage of our journey so far could be wrapped up in these verses.

a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

This summarizes the weird cycle of chemotherapy. The chemo kills the rapidly dividing cells and then the other drugs stimulate white cells to regain strength and heal. I wrote about the odd concept of poison for healing  earlier. But the essence of this rambling is contained in the next verse…

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

That says it all in a nutshell of ancient wisdom. There has been a lot of weeping. We had exhausted our annual Kleenex budget with seven months still left in the financial year. And that has been good. God has giving us the gift of weeping. It is cleansing and therapeutic and men ought to get a little better at that truth. There may be no crying in baseball but there is crying when your wife and best friend is facing cancer. There was mourning. We accepted the reality of her disease. This was a foe that could win. We trusted in a God that has proven trustworthy.

We mourned the loss of blessed routine. Our lives would be turned upside down for a very long time. But perhaps the most overlooked tool is the gift of humor – the time to laugh.

Joni and I have determined to find a time to laugh through this cancer journey. I have purchased a couple of t-shirts for Joni from a company called Cafepress (Not all designs are this site are, shall we say, edifying. Proceed with caution). One has a befuddled little happy face with the words, “I’ve got CHEMO BRAIN…What’s your excuse?”  Other shirts have an in your face attitude that some might consider dark but I believe represents the spirit of hope and trust and resolve. One company is called gotCancer?org and they have a wonderful slogan…”Laughing in Cancer’s Face!” I might modify that to read “Cancer’s Ugly Face” but the point remains the same. A couple of their designs are definitely for those with a sense of humor.

The shirts are available at the gotcancer?org website.

There is a time to laugh…even in the face of cancer. Joni and I laugh about an incident that happened early in the chemo triathlon. Joni’s hair starting coming out and she got the buzz cut on Monday. That same night she went to an event wearing her new wig. A woman came up to her and said, “I love what you’ve done with your hair! What have you done?”

I asked Joni if she had shared  how this admirer could have the same look? It is really very simple. Just have a port surgically installed. Begin chemo. Wait two weeks. Remove remaining hair. Don wig. Voilà! New look!

On the day of Joni’s first chemotherapy we felt some understandable trepidation. The unknown is the worst part of this journey. Then a wonderful brother in Christ showed up unexpectedly at the Oncology office. And there in the midst of our uncertainty we laughed and joked and talked. I am convinced that God used this servant to bring joy to us before the storm. When we made it to the chair Joni’s pulse and blood pressure were pretty normal. I suspect the dose of therapeutic laughter and joy were a big part of that.

It is easy for those in the valley and for those around them to discard the gift of humor. Sometimes we almost consider it a Godly thing to be somber. I would suggest that laughter is one of God’s most precious gifts in the healing process. We have committed to not waste our cancer. But we have also committed to laugh during this trial as we put our trust in the One who bestowed that wonderful gift. There is a time for laughter. Don’t forget to make time for it.

Post-script. We have done pretty well in keeping a sense of humor during this long process. Chemo infusion day became our “date day” at the “Slow Drip Spa”. I claim “sympathetic chemo brain” when I forget something. And back to the wisdom of King Solomon (as covered by the Byrds) we note that there is a time to dance. I am rhythmically challenged but I will ready to dance this upcoming Wednesday. I know my bride will be ready to dance. Joni will conclude the chemotherapy portion of the journey next week. There is still a long road ahead but the chemo will be behind us. Another song comes to mind from Mac Davis who once sang that “he thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas in his rear view mirror”. Sorry Mac (and West Texas friends that Mac offended) but for us “happiness is chemo weekly in our rearview mirror”. We move to the next part of the journey confident and trusting in Him. And still able to laugh.

Today’s schedule does not allow writing time so I am posting a gently read article from earlier.

Blessings,
Dave

When I used to visit my family in Kentucky I remember the saying they used when someone thought a little differently.

“That boy ain’t right!”, they would note with a smile and shake of the head.

That is how I feel today after my “ain’t right” brain somehow linked two widely disparate stories. Story number one was about a growing number of multimillionaires who are leaving their money to themselves in the hope they will someday be brought back to life. The Wall Street Journal had originally reported that these very future investors are having themselves cryogenically frozen with the hope that medical advances will allow them to be revived. I don’t know about you but I am really not interested in coming back to life on this planet. Woody Allen’s classic line comes to mind when he said, “I refuse to believe in reincarnation because I don’t want to have to sit through Ice Capades again.” According to the story, these assets are frozen (just like the investor…sorry, couldn’t resist) in something called “personal revival trusts” that will be waiting for them when they wake up in a century or two. Predicted first words…”Is it just me or is it really cold in here?”.  I can add these people to my “ain’t right” collection. I believe what is written in Hebrews.

Everyone has to die once, then face the consequences. (Hebrews 9, The Message)

Story number two that my brain oddly linked was about a man I have always admired. USA Today had a feature about the upcoming events marking the centenary of the February 4th birthday of German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you are not familiar with the story Bonhoeffer was a Lutheran theologian and pastor in Germany who was deeply opposed to Adolf Hitler from the beginning of his rule. He broadcast against the Nazi movement and joined a Christian resistance movement called the Confessing Church. In 1939 he left Germany to be a teacher at Union Theological Seminary in New York but he left the safe haven of America to return to his home after just a month.

“I have come to the conclusion that I made a mistake in coming to America,” he wrote. “I shall have no right to take part in the restoration of Christian life in Germany after the war unless I share the trials of this time with my people.”

Writer G.Jeffrey MacDonald writes in USA Today about Bonhoeffer’s return.

Bonhoeffer used family connections to gain a post in the military intelligence unit, where he operated as a double agent. There he helped arrange for a bomb to explode at the Führer’s headquarters on July 20, 1944. But Hitler was only wounded, and Bonhoeffer, 38 and engaged to be married, was among the dozens arrested. He was hanged April 9, 1945, just days before American troops liberated Flossenbürg.To many, Bonhoeffer’s name is synonymous with moral courage and with the importance of thinking deeply about right and wrong.

That was the inspiring aspect of Bonhoeffer’s life. His thoughtful anguish over how to deal with evil in this world is more than applicable today. As I struggle with the concept of grace and Christ’s love for all sinners I am challenged by words like these from Bonhoeffer. “How can I possibly serve another person in unfeigned humility if I seriously regard his sinfulness as worse than my own?” Applying that principle alone would turn the American church upside down. But it was the way that Bonhoeffer faced death that caused me to relate his story to wealthy people who are trying desparately to deny the reality of death and judgment. Again quoting from the excellent story written by Mr.MacDonald.

For Bonhoeffer, being authentic meant facing death as destiny. His most famous line highlights the sacrifices required in Christian life: “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” His final act was to celebrate Communion with some fellow prisoners. Witnesses reported his final words. “This is the end for me, the beginning of life.” 

You see Bonhoeffer knew that truth of Phillipians when Paul wrote to live is Christ, to die is gain. I like the rendering of Paul’s words in The Message.

Alive, I’m Christ’s messenger; dead, I’m his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can’t lose.

Indeed.

Welcome to today’s edition of the iPod Devotional Series. For newcomers to the site here is how it works. On the old iPod is a “shuffle songs” feature. You hit the button and the iPod randomly picks a song.  I am writing a blog about whatever song the device selects on that day from the 1,000 plus songs on my iPod. My music list will further confirm my status as a Christian who makes others feel superior. My music goes from Al Green to the Youngbloods. Beatles to U2. Old hymns to modern praise music. Toby Keith to Frank Sinatra. Oldies to the soundtrack from Monty Python’s Spamalot. This could be interesting. So with without further ado the selection today is…

Drift Away by Dobie Gray.  A bit of research revealed that Dobie Gray was born in a small Texas town west of Houston. His granddaddy was a Baptist minister and had a huge influence on Dobie according to his website biography. I would have loved to have seen how Dobie later broke the news to his granddaddy that he was starring in the Broadway musical Hair. Explaining the dancing was the least of his challenges. At any rate, Dobie Gray is best known for today’s song, Drift Away. Here are some of the lyrics.

Day after day I’m more confused
So I look for the light in the pouring rain
You know that’s a game that I hate to lose
I’m feelin’ the strain, ain’t it a shame

For some reason those lyrics caused me to reflect on the millions of emotionally lonely and hurting people in a country of ridiculous wealth and success. I have a heart for wounded people and especially those wounded by the church and by “bad Christians”. I am constantly getting e-mails and notes from people who have left the church or never joined because of ugly experiences with people who claim the title of Christian. I can’t dispute their claim to a relationship with Jesus. They may well be Christians. But they surely are not acting like Jesus.

A recent article about Sam Harris caused me to receive some responses from those who deny or have not accepted faith. One writer who posted was a fellow Buckeye and identified himself as Shawn from Ohio. In addition to my heart for wounded people I have a real heart for those from my beloved native state. Here are some of Shawn’s comments.

Came across your article from a google alert for Sam Harris. I am an atheist and actually appreciate a Christian that would have the restraint to not “wish ill on Sam Harris.”. That, to me, is refreshing.

If you are a Christian reading that comment does that break your heart? It should. How does a very small expression of grace cause this response? It is refreshing that I am not vengeful toward an author who disagrees with me? That is truly a sad reflection on us as followers of Christ.

Too many Christians feel it is their duty to tell me, and those like me, how to live. It is in our gov’t, in our schools, in our sporting events, in most every aspect of life in America; Christianity.

Shawn…may I gently defend some of my fellow believers. In a sense you are right about Christians feeling it is their “duty” to tell others about Jesus. It is not their duty to tell you how to live. That is where we get it so very wrong. Here is what I believe about expressing my faith to others.

When we love others sacrificially our message becomes inviting…not proselytizing. If you have ever been around a Christian who is truly living these words then you know how attractive that lifestyle can be. Saint Francis of Assisi wonderfully observed that we should “preach the gospel at all times…if necessary, use words.”  I have personally witnessed the power of letting the gospel message flow out of actions and not out of condemning words.

But to those reading this who are of a different faith or no faith at all I must confess my dilemma to you. If I truly believe Christianity to be the truth and if my faith in Christ has genuinely changed my life then how can I not tell you? Why should you be offended if I care enough to reach out gently and in love?

I remember being intimately involved with some friends over a period of years in our kid’s sports activities. They were from a denomination that believed only they were going to heaven. They knew we did not belong to that denomination. Yet they never once said a word that they believed we were off track and even doomed. Would I have changed my views? To be honest I believe the answer is no. But it would have showed that they cared enough to let me know what they held dear and their concern for me. I was actually a little hurt that they didn’t seem to care that I would not join them in heaven.

Michael Kinsley wrote a similar sentiment in Time magazine (February 19, 2001) about the anger that some folks feel toward Christians who seem compelled to share their faith.

 “You may not agree that your soul needs saving, but why is he wrong to try as long as he isn’t prying away your soul against your will? As an ethnically Jewish nonbeliever, I find this fuss over conversion utterly baffling…But an insult? In a way, it is insulting to Jews that Fundamentalist Christians don’t try harder to convert us. Oh sure, they’re friendly enough now. But wait until Judgment Day. Then it will be, `Sorry, we seem to have lost your reservation.’ And from this perspective, the Jewish policy of actively discouraging converts to Judaism starts to seem like `theological arrogance’ indeed. At the same time, when you object to noncoercive conversion, it starts to look like the opposite of arrogance: theological insecurity. What are you afraid of? The decision will be made by you or by God, and in either case, there is no ground for complaint.”

I suspect that technique is too often the rub. I was a victim of over the top zealous religious people as a teenager. I am still a little amazed that I eventually came to faith. I have wrestled with a period of intellectual doubt where I read the works of atheists and skeptics. I came out on the other still a believer that Jesus is who He said He was. The Son of the Living God. I cannot “force” others to reach that same conclusion. If I care about  you I will naturally want to share the most important thing in my life. But I think you have some rights as the hearer of my message. I wrote the following in When Bad Christians Happen to Good Christians.

The Unbelievers Bill of Rights…

    * I have the right to never have faith forced on me.
    * I have the right to never be treated in a condescending manner.
    * I have the right to always hear the truth.
    * I have the right for you to patiently hear my concerns and doubts.
    * I have the right to seek answers to those questions and doubts that you can’t answer.
    * I have the right to be steered to resources for my own study and investigation.
    * I have the right to be loved no matter how I respond to the gospel message.

I hope that I honor you by following the list above. I hope you will understand that my wanting to let you know about the most important thing in my life honors you as well.

Sorry for the detour…back to Dobie Gray.

Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

I guess all of us are looking for something to free our souls. I have found that in Jesus. Shawn makes this argument in his post.

Atheism is a default position. Someone who makes a positive claim: god exists. must provide evidences for those claims for me to accept the truth of the statement. I can then examine and determine if those evidences are valid or not.

I appreciate your approach Shawn and I find it refreshing. Most who write to me disputing my faith demand proof. I cannot prove God in the way that they demand. But you have asked for evidence. I believe that is possible. But at the end of the day we can look at the same evidence and reach a different conclusion. Because no matter how much evidence either one of us lines up eventually it will come down to a step of faith. I examined the evidence and decided, yes, there is a possibility that God exists. Then I examined what that means in my life. Others take the position (by faith) that God does not exist. I believe it is not intellectually honest to unequivocally say there is no God because no one has total knowledge. You can be, in your mind, 99.9% sure but I think you have to allow that little chance that God is possible. So as a final note to Shawn and others who find this site…if you want a place of grace filled and honest discussion I hope you will become a regular here. We have much to discuss.

Today I am returning to the safe haven of the iPod Devotional series. Recent developments and comments from Rosie O’Donnell, Madonna, and Jerry Falwell have caused a temporary pausing of the iPod but now, for my own sanity, I am returning to the series. For newcomers to the site here is how it works. On the old iPod is a “shuffle songs” feature. You hit the button and the iPod randomly picks a song.  I am writing a blog about whatever song the device selects on that day from the 1,000 plus songs on my iPod. My music list will further confirm my status as a Christian who makes others feel superior. My music goes from Al Green to the Youngbloods. Beatles to U2. Old hymns to modern praise music. Toby Keith to Frank Sinatra. Oldies to the soundtrack from Monty Python’s Spamalot. This could be interesting. So with without further ado the selection today is…

Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts.    I had written a very personal blog earlier featuring a song by Rascal Flatts called Skin. The song dealt with a young girl’s cancer, losing her hair, and going to the prom. It brought out the tissue inventory because Joni and I have had to address that issue (not going to the prom…losing her hair) with her ongoing breast cancer journey.

Today’s song, Bless the Broken Road, has also become a hit for the group Selah. Here are some of the lyrics.

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign, pointed straight to you

It is so interesting to look back over the landscape of three decades of this journey with Jesus. I can see God’s hand in so many events and even heartbreaks in my life. My early church experience was a broken road of legalistic and judgmental Christians who crushed the spirit of a young and fumbling Christian. That experience became the basis of my books. I have found many friends who have shared my journey. C.S. Lewis once said that “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!” Sadly, many of us bear the wounds of dealing with imperfect people in the dysfunctional little gathering we call church. Still, God has blessed that broken road as well.

The broken road for me included the devastating death of a beloved nephew thirty-one years ago. At that point I was a crossroads in my faith. Turn my back on God or get serious in my pursuit of Him. Along the broken road God brought a man named Wendel Deyo into my life (Wendel now heads up a retreat center in Southern Ohio) . His life challenged me and he helped me stay on the narrow way. That relationship led to my association with Athletes in Action. And while on staff with AIA I met the lovely future Mrs.Burchett. And again, God blessed the broken road.

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

It is hard to imagine life without Joni. Her cancer has forced me to realize the possibility of that. I am grateful that her prognosis is good but I pray I will never again take her for granted.

I think about the years I spent, just passin’ through
I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you

I remember with great sadness the years I spent working too much, taking my bride for granted, telling her that the schedule would soon “ease up”. But it rarely did. I really wish I had that time back. I would give it to her in a heartbeat. If I could say one thing to young couples and parents it would be to make time for your mate and your children. It took me too long to realize the truth that our schedule reflects our priorities. But somehow Joni hung with me. She had traveled her own broken road.

But you just smile and take my hand, you’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan, that is comin’ true

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

The journey is not easy. Never will be. One of the big mistakes we make in sharing our faith is making it seem like all troubles are over when you embrace Christianity. That is not in the contract. We will still have problems and heartaches and even tragedies. But God will bless the broken road. King David wrote these words while escaping down a broken road…

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
       he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

C.S. Lewis also said that no one ever told him that grief felt so much like fear. Don’t be afraid to continue down the broken road. God will meet you there.