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If you read more than a snippet of my writings you know that I am a grace guy. But there is a question that confounds me.

“If grace based theology as the way to live out the Christian life is true then why is it not more popular in the church?”

That is a great question. I have been swept away by grace. Everything in my life has been changed by taking away my performance based faith and believing in Christ’s performance for me.

During a recent football telecast I thought about a parallel between one of my least favorite football strategies and this grace conundrum. Perhaps it was an insight from the Holy Spirit. Perhaps it was simply because my brain is not wired to factory specs. But this idea popped in my mind. A lot of football teams play a defense that is called the prevent defense. That style of defense is designed to allow the opponent short yardage gains as the defense tries to prevent big plays and long touchdowns. The theory is that if you can force the other team to settle for short gains they will eventually make a mistake, get called for a penalty or simply fail to get the yardage needed.

I thought about the opponent we line up against as followers of Christ. It occurred to me that Satan played a kind of “prevent” defense in my spiritual journey for many years. It was almost like the Enemy was willing to give up short gains of spiritual growth and ministry as long as I focused on my own efforts to keep grinding out more gains. Satan, like a good defensive coordinator, believed that I would make a mistake and then he could pounce on my miscue and cause a costly turnover. My failure would cause me to doubt myself, my commitment and my worth. When I made a mistake Satan’s play by play announcer would broadcast loudly in my head.

“You have failed again. Jesus must be really disappointed with this effort but He certainly is not surprised. Dave has been a disappointing member of the team since he joined.”

After another failure I would get tentative and fearful. The announcer always chimed in.

“Certainly no reason to expect victory from Dave this time. He has failed over and over in this very situation. To be honest, I am not sure why Jesus even keeps him on the roster. Expect him to be cut soon.”

The goal line of joy and freedom and peace seemed more and more difficult to reach. Finally I was happy just to make a short gain now and then. I seldom sustained a lengthy drive of positive spiritual gains.

But then I discovered a new offense. A game plan that Satan can’t defend. When I lined up with grace there was no way for the Enemy to keep me from the goal of freedom and joy. Instead of grinding out each painful yard with begrudging self-effort I simply followed the lead block of the Spirit and ran with confidence. I remembered my team identity and the power that was promised from that association. I believed that I would be victorious not because of my skill but because of Christ.

Maybe the analogy is a stretch. Maybe not. Since I detest the prevent defense in football it seems logical it came from Satan. I do think there is something to consider in the idea that Satan “gives” us little gains and tries really hard to stop the big ones. I believe that grace scares the Enemy more that anything we do because grace relies on surrender and trust. My self-effort against the ruler of this world is a long shot. My surrendered life to Jesus is a sure victory. Jesus has fought this battle and won. Why we would we not depend on His game plan to reach the goal? I will meditate on these words from Hebrews this week.

So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.  (Hebrews 4, NLT)

Check out Dave’s new book Waking Up Slowly here.

I am amazed by people who are so brazenly sure they are right about what they believe. I have friends who are completely sure there is no God and there is no logical need for such beliefs. They believe science is the ultimate answer for everything and they view my faith as a naive weakness. I have always felt that absolute certainty is the trump card of a fool. So I will be honest. I have wrestled with doubt in my faith journey. I am not convinced that I know everything. Here is a bit of what I wrote about that journey in Waking Up Slowly.

The story line of the movie Risen was intriguing to me. Historically, there was a Nazarene who was crucified, and two groups had a tremendous interest in making sure that his death was the end of the story. The Romans wanted no movement to grow so large that it would cause political unrest. The Jewish leaders wanted to stamp out the heresy that they believed this Teacher was spreading, in order to keep their power intact. It was a win-win situation for the religious leaders and Rome to eliminate this messianic hope of the people. The story is told through the eyes of a Roman military tribune named Clavius tasked by Pilate to make sure Jesus’ crazy followers did not steal the body. A story had been circulating that the Nazarene would rise again in three days, so Clavius made sure the massive stone was rolled into place over the entrance to the tomb and sealed. Roman soldiers guarded the tomb, knowing full well they could be killed if they failed to keep the body secured.

Three days later the body was gone, and Clavius began a desperate hunt. The battle-hardened soldier could not accept that this Nazarene named Jesus could have somehow comeback to life. That is a step of faith that people are still wrestling with two thousand years later. But it is the most important question of all, if you are to put your faith in Jesus.

If Jesus did not rise from the dead, then there really is no difference in this man and any other great moral teacher. But if Jesus did rise from the dead, then His words are different from the words of any other teacher. All of Christianity depends on what happened in that event.

Risen explores the imagined lengths that the Romans and religious leaders went to in order to quell the rumor that Jesus had risen. They tried to find the body (or any similar body that might pass for his) that could be displayed to stop the rumors. They were not successful.

I struggled with these same questions forty-something years ago:

• How could the body disappear?
• How did a bunch of cowards like the apostles become heroes of the faith and become willing to die martyrs’ deaths? Simply because they stole the body out of a tomb?
• Could they have kept a lie of such massive implications secret?

I love the way former Watergate principal Chuck Colson honestly evaluated the event:

I know the resurrection is a fact, and Watergate proved it to me. How? Because 12 men testified they had seen Jesus raised from the dead, then they proclaimed that truth for 40 years, never once denying it. Everyone was beaten, tortured, stoned and put in prison.

They would not have endured that if it weren’t true. Watergate embroiled 12 of the most powerful men in the world—and they couldn’t keep a lie for three weeks. You’re telling me 12 apostles could keep a lie for 40 years? Absolutely impossible.

Honest people can view the same evidence and come up with completely different opinions. I wrestled with the claims of Jesus Christ for a long time before I decided to believe that He was who He claimed to be. And I remember feeling exactly what the fictional character Clavius felt when he was asked what he feared most: “Being wrong. Wagering eternity on it.” I have never been able to accept the idea that there is no design or purpose to this life. People who do not accept faith think that humankind naturally evolved into doing the right things in community for the common good. I believe something or Someone writes that on our hearts. I see creative genius that I cannot account for as accidental.

Perhaps the most important argument for me is the impact that the Nazarene teacher has had on my life. I have haphazardly attempted to follow Him for many years. Tolstoy’s quote fittingly describes my awkward attempts: “If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side!”  The apostles followed Jesus and saw that it was not an easy choice at times. Many followers were deserting Jesus after some difficult teaching.

At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him. Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?” Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:66-69, NLT)

That is my belief. I am drawn to Jesus. I believe that God decided to redeem man through this outlandish plan. No religion offers redemption without works other than the gospel of Jesus. I believe I have seen His hand over and over in my life. But if I am wrong and had the opportunity to live my life over again, I can honestly say I would change nothing.

I consider a life pursuing the impossible goal of becoming like Jesus to be more valuable than any honor or possession I could attain. The teachings of Jesus are so amazing and so radical that I cannot imagine that any man could have imagined them. If you drill down into just His words, you will find a sacred pathway that is worth seeking.

I believe my marriage is still intact because I have followed the teachings of Jesus. I don’t say that lightly. I honestly believe that without that faith commitment, Joni and I would not have survived. Whatever kind things that my friends and colleagues might say about me are in large part due to how I believe I should respond to them based on the words of Christ. I have been shaped and matured by this radical Rabbi who changed history. He changed me.

Tim Keller puts it this way:

The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.

I have been changed by these truths. I have confronted my doubts and I have chosen to stay focused on the claims of this Rabbi from Nazareth. If I am wagering my eternity, I choose to wager on Jesus.

I had some social media fun with the picture above helpfully proclaiming “YOU ARE HERE”. As if I could be anywhere else while I was, well, there.

But as you probably already suspect that picture produced some musing that begat today’s blog. For years I wandered spiritually wondering where I was on my journey. Was I going to Heaven? Was I a good, bad, or indifferent Christian? Was I loved? Was I significant? The question of where I was as a follower of Christ and who I was as a person consumed and confused me.

The always present Enemy answered the questions above on a regular basis. Probably not going to Heaven. Definitely a bad Christian. Not really loved or bad things wouldn’t happen to you. Totally insignificant. The following is a little excerpt on this topic from my latest book Waking Up Slowly.

For too many years I believed the accusations, without considering the question that Philip Yancey asks.

Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: you become what the most important person in your life (wife, father, boss, etc.) thinks you are. How would my life change if I truly believed the Bible’s astounding words about God’s love for me, if I looked in the mirror and saw what God sees?

I am learning to look into the mirror and see someone that I accept by faith and not by my feelings. I see a saint. That’s right. Many (maybe most) of Satan’s accusations are true. But what I now see is a man who is a saint. I found forty references to saints in Paul’s writings in the English Standard Version. From his additional descriptions, I am pretty sure that the recipients of his letters were not always behaving like saints. They were saints because of Christ, and not by meticulously following the law.

God sees those who trust Jesus as righteous, no matter how many accusations are thrown at them. Amazing.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.

(Ephesians 1:3-5, NLT)

That is my (and your) identity as a follower of Jesus. Holy and without fault in His eyes. I will be accused again, probably sooner than later. But I am learning to simply say this to myself: “That is not who I am anymore. I am holy because of Christ.”

When I forget that truth, I allow doubt, confusion, shame, and sadness to creep in. Not leaning on the finished work of Jesus as my strength and identity sets me up for a frustrating masquerade of faith.

There may be no element more important to living fully in the moment with God than accepting that I am loved by Him right now just as I am. That is so counterintuitive to how “love” so often works in my experience. I have talked with too many men who justify their extramarital relationships by saying they deserve more than their current marriage provides. It always hurts my heart because those they hurt deeply do not deserve to be wounded by betrayal. I try to never forget what I said on that July day more than forty years ago to my bride. I made vows to Joni Lynn Banks before God. I did not sign a contract with escape clauses based on my happiness at any given point in time.

The world speaks a different love language. “I will love you while you are attractive.” “I will love you when you make me happy.” “I will love you when you do what I ask you to do.” Human love almost always includes conditional elements. That is not God’s love.

The Lord your God is in your midst; he is a warrior who can deliver.
He takes great delight in you; he renews you by his love; he shouts for joy over you.
(Zephaniah 3:17, NET)

The attributes of God’s love are mind boggling. It is personal. You and I can relate to God the Creator of the universe as our Father. Think about that. I mean really think about that. I am conditioned to believe that if something seems too good to be true, then I am being deceived. That is what Satan would have me believe. But the stunning radicality of grace is that what seems to be too good to be true is more true than I can imagine.

(Reprinted with permission of Tyndale Publishing, All Rights Reserved)

So where am I today? No matter what my physical location might be I have both feet firmly planted on the foundation of my identity in Christ. I am putting my full weight on His Grace. No matter where I am that is who I am! And it is a really peaceful place to be after all these years.

My heart has been deeply saddened by the racial tension that has surfaced recently with frightening intensity. Like many white Americans I rationalize that I am not a part of the problem. I have always condemned those organizations that teach hate toward my brothers and sisters of color so I felt like I was a spectator in this battle. Three friends have been helping me to see another side.

My eyes began to be opened by my friend Kevin Butcher. Kevin is white pastor of a mulitcultural flock in a predominantly black Detroit neighborhood at Hope Community Church. He told me that Black Christians want their White brothers and sisters to listen to their hearts and not offer excuses or rationales. They simply want to be heard. So I decided to do just that by seeking to hear the hearts of two Black brothers in Christ.

I know Duke Barnett well. He is an amazingly talented educator, administrator and leader. He is a great husband, dad and friend. The other man I asked to share his heart is a pastor in Nashville, Tennessee. I became friend with Montagne McDonald through my books and blogs. I was impressed with his teaching and heart for his flock. These are men that love Jesus. They love their Black community and they also love the White community. I asked these two African-American brothers to share their frustration and feelings about how White Christians respond to them.

My assignment was simple. Ask questions. Shut up. Listen. Don’t get defensive. Remind myself to shut up again. Listen some more. That is a slightly edgier but accurate paraphrase of James 1:19.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (NLT)

Perhaps that would be a good strategy for all of us when we are trying to understand another brother’s story. Here is what my brothers shared with me. I pray that you will open your hearts to hear them as well.

Montagne:

“I feel I am becoming depressed talking to my friends who are Caucasian who have automatically judged me because I try to explain where the anger in many black communities are coming from. I try to discuss how a group like Black Lives Matter is not monolithic. They are made up of individuals who are angry, scared, and/or fed up.”

Duke:

“It seems the word “empathy” would be most important in your circle of friends right now. They must see you from your perspective and not theirs in order for the conversations to take any form of positive movement. Once again, that’s a sign of the presence of White privilege. They are telling you by their responses and action that they don’t have to see it from your perspective but you are expected to see it from theirs.

Montagne:

The fear is from a real place. There was a time we wished for cameras to catch police in the act. Now we have them, but nothing has changed. No one is being punished. As a young man, I have had a gun to my head by a police officer just because I reached for my license too fast. He said he would blow my head off. I was 18. Can you imagine what that does to a young boy’s mind? I have had my car searched, was patted down simply because the officer thought a friend of mine who was riding with me mouthed “F-you.” He was actually trying to get the cops attention because we had just left a friend who was in a car accident two blocks away. I was nineteen then.

Duke:

In this world, there are people with good intentions and there are people with bad intentions. Black Lives Matter has both, All Lives Matter has both, Blue Lives Matter has both and I can go on and on. However, it’s important that we look past the symptoms of hurting people and focus on the cause. When some say that Black lives matter, they are saying this to bring value to the Black community. There is systematic racism in this country that affects Blacks, Asians, Indigenous people, and many other ethnicities. However, the public battle has always been Black and White. From schooling to jobs to neighborhoods to church, systematic racism is alive and well.

I spent my childhood in the poor areas of Dallas, so I understand how “some” law enforcement (Black and White) view/treat people (especially, Black males) in those poor areas. Fortunately for me, I was able to get out of the projects, have different opportunities, and hear a different message. Now, the racism is still evident, I just have the capacity to respond differently. Unfortunately, many of our Black brothers don’t have that option. So, they have lived their whole lives in survival mode, some working 2-3 jobs and some using crime as a tool.

So, when people combat Black Lives Matter with All Lives Matter or Blue Lives Matter, they’re in essence reducing their value…again and again and again.

Montagne:

When we talk about White privilege, it is not an indictment on all White people. It is just there is a social system that favors Europeans over other races. It does not mean I am blaming them or hate them. Also, I don’t believe in the whole “color blind” philosophy. Many people I know who live by that code, have a harder time identifying inequalities concerning race.

Being African American, I also feel as though I have to prove myself to Whites. To prove I am not a thug, or a deadbeat. To prove I am smart, or respectable. Even with that, when we see images on TV or in movies, either we are not prominent in the story, or we are depicted in stereotypical ways. I am finally learning I should not have, and will not keep trying to prove myself to others. I am smart because I love to learn, I am respectable because that is how I was raised. I cannot get caught up in the “race” race like that anymore. Color does not prove a person is predisposed to violence, ignorance, morality, or respectability.

I love my White brothers and sisters. I just want some who do not get it to, for a moment, understand how I feel. Empathy is so important. To be understood is a precious gift. That is the best way to love us. Attempt to understand. Thank you again. This means so much to me.

Dave:

Thank you my brothers in Christ. I love both of you as friends and as fellow followers of Jesus. I have been guilty of “defending” myself from my culture. Forgive me for trying to rationalize or justify that I did not contribute to your pain. I compare my previous responses to an apology followed by a “but” that explains the behavior. There is no “I am sorry but” in this situation. I am deeply sorry for the hurt the black community has suffered and continues to suffer far too often. Period.

Martin Luther King Jr. had some legitimate reasons to hate, but he chose not to. His words have not lost their power: “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Another courageous African American, Booker T. Washington, made a similar choice. “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”

Followers of Jesus have the only hope for real change. I hope and pray that my White friends will ask the Holy Spirit to soften their hearts and not get defensive. Just hear the pain and the frustration of my brothers. Do not miss their heart. Their love for Jesus and their deep, deep hope for change. I share that hope. And we all share that hope in the One that can actually change the hearts of all races. The church must lead the way on racial issues.

Remember the words to the Galatian church…

There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.

In the body of Christ we are one. No Black or White. No rich or poor. No male or Female. Lord, give us the grace and love to be agents of change and to be one in Your love. God is giving us a window and opportunity for a revival of brotherhood flowing from the boundless supply of Grace. I don’t want to miss it. Please listen. Then pray. We can make a difference if we live out of the love of Jesus. My brother Duke uses a hashtag on all of his social media. It is so appropriate here. #onelove

I invite my brothers and sisters of color to join this conversation with your stories. I promise to listen.

Even in my rock and roll days I liked Glen Campbell. There was something about his smile and warmth that made him seem real. Glen seemed like the kind of person you could approach and he would be kind. You never know with celebrities so I was delighted to hear from sound technicians who worked with him that he was exactly that. Kind and approachable. His final gift before his death was a moving and deeply personal look at how Alzheimer’s affects a family in the documentary “I’ll Be Me”. 

So that background makes this week’s musing even more impactful.

One of my favorite Glen Campbell songs, “Try a Little Kindness”, is a message that we desperately need to hear and heed in our current societal climate.

You got to try a little kindness
Yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see
And if you try a little kindness
Then you’ll overlook the blindness
Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets

Boy howdy do we have some narrow minded people loudly making their presence felt. People so narrow minded they could look through a peephole with both eyes. The lyrics of Try a Little Kindness seem like a simple and even naive sentiment. I would argue this little chorus is one of the most important and doable things that we as followers of Jesus can do to shine a little light. And we have been given that assignment by our Lord.

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” (Matthew 5:14-16, NLT)

I wrote a chapter about the power of kindness in my new book, Waking Up Slowly. Here is a brief portion of that chapter.

The amazing thing about God’s grace is that He is not a God of a second chance. He is a God of chance after chance after chance ad infinitum. We are never outside God’s redeeming grace, no matter how much or how often we blow it.

How is that even possible? We write off people after one or two offenses. How can God keep forgiving us after count- less offenses? It doesn’t make sense. That is because grace does not make sense in our accounting system. So how does that work in our relationships with our community? The apostle Paul pulls it all together perfectly in his letter to the church in Ephesus:

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32, NLT)

Kindness should be contagious because the God of the universe has been kind to us. That is part and parcel of the love story of the gospel.

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (Romans 2:4, NLT)

I used to be impressed by talent and prestige. Now I find that I am more impressed by kindness. Billy Graham observed how we all—especially children—benefit from a little kindness: “Often the only thing a child can remember about an adult in later years, when he or she is grown, is whether or not that person was kind.” I find that to be so true when I run down the list of adults from my childhood. I filter them by that very trait. They were either kind or unkind.

My memories from high school have changed too. I once sorted classmates by prettiness and athletic ability. Now I sort my high school acquaintances by kindness. All the things that identified us in high school are meaningless now. Who cares if you were a cheerleader, quarterback, National Merit scholar, or the kid trying to find someone to sit with at lunch? What matters is whether you were kind and considerate of others. I spent my high school years walking a tightrope, trying to be part of the “in” group, while trying to live out my newfound faith in Jesus. If I failed to be kind in that awkward dance, I am truly sorry.

Paul recognized the importance of this contagious gift in his instructions to the church at Colossae:

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3:12-15, NLT)

I have often said that if the church lived according to those four verses alone, there would be a spiritual awakening in the land. If we simply loved one another in the body of Christ, we could spark a revival. That is my job as a follower of Christ.

Frederick Buechner captured the idea brilliantly: “If you want to be holy, be kind.”

(Excerpted from Waking Up Slowly with permission of Tyndale Publishing)

Today I remember Glen Campbell by determining to follow his advice.

If you see your brother standing by the road
With a heavy load from the seeds he’s sowed
And if you see your sister falling by the way
Just stop and say, you’re going the wrong way

Everyone of us can be kind. Give it a try.

One act of kindness would be to donate to the Alzheimer’s Association to help find a cure for this cruel disease.

Real and honest relationships are messy. Marriage is at the top of that difficulty list. If you take the chance to be known and get hurt it is easy to build a wall. If you take another chance and get the same result the temptation is to build an impenetrable fortress around your heart. And that is tragic. I see that happening with too many people around me.

Sara Groves is a powerful lyricist with a great voice. That’s a very appealing combo plate. Her song entitled “It’s Me” is amazing. She captures the insecurities, old stories about our past and selfishness that leads to relationship meltdowns. And those moments seem to come out of nowhere.

weather came and caught us off our guard
we were just laughing and feelin’ alright
had such a great time just last night
we walked into a minefield undetected
you took a tone and I took offense
anger replacing all common sense

oh run for you life
all tenderness is gone
in the blink of an eye
all good will has withdrawn

I am sobered by the imagery of the minefield. Hidden among the beautiful flowers and lush grass are deadly relationship mines. A misstep here and you explode my insecurity. Step over there and you detonate all of those old hurts and shame from my past. Step here and you get wounded from the shrapnel of my selfishness. And all it takes is a tone or not meeting a poorly communicated need to blow up all tenderness.

God designed us to travel this journey in community. You mature as a Christian when you trust God and others with what is true about you. That means taking off the masks and shining light in the dark places. That has always been scary for me because I imagine I am uniquely sinful. That others have it more together than me. But as I have begun to trust others with me and they with me I am convinced there are no together people. You find out we are all messed up. That is why we need the daily and moment by moment grace of the Gospel. Sara Groves writes about the sad pattern that most of us follow when we hurt or get hurt.

incomprehensible layers of isolation
now your the man with a heart of stone
making me pay here by being alone
seemingly justified righteous indignation
now I’m the woman who holds all her pain
looking for somebody else to blame

It makes me sad to hear those lyrics because I have been there. My default for too many years to being hurt was isolation and hiddenness. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I have read and struggled with words from Paul that says we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Sure. And then I will go win the US Open Golf Tournament. Same chance. But maybe it is not as daunting as we think. I enjoy reading The Message especially for passages I have read dozens if not hundreds of times. It often gives me a fresh perspective. Here is that verse from The Message.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. (Ephesians 5, The Message)

A love marked by giving. Maybe that is possible. A love that extends grace that is unmerited. Just like I received from Christ. A love that refuses to stay hidden even when that feels like the safest place to be. A love that expresses needs as a sign of strength and not weakness. My friend Bill Thrall says that the phrase “I don’t need you is the mantra of the wounded.” I do need my bride’s affirmation and love. I do need friends who know me and still love me. I do need a Savior who patiently molds me without condemnation. Yet I walk through a minefield of lies and past hurts and self-doubt every day. But that is not who I am anymore and I am trusting this truth.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.
The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5, NLT)

So when I step on a mine and get wounded I call out to Jesus. “It’s me. Your child. I need you to love me so I can love others out of your amazing love and grace.” With Christ I can summon the courage to be known by others because Jesus knows me and loves me without fail. On that foundation I can build healthy relationships. Ruth Graham said that a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. There is so much truth in that. But first you have to accept and recognize how much you have been forgiven. And live out of what is now true about you..