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Real and honest relationships are messy. If you take the chance to be known and get hurt it is easy to build a wall. If you take another chance and get the same result it is easy to build an impenetrable fortress around your heart. And that is tragic.

Sara Groves is a powerful lyricist with a great voice. That’s a very appealing combo plate. Her song entitled “It’s Me” is amazing. She captures the insecurities, old stories about our past and selfishness that leads to relationship meltdowns. And those moments seem to come out of nowhere.

weather came and caught us off our guard
we were just laughing and feelin’ alright
had such a great time just last night
we walked into a minefield undetected
you took a tone and I took offense
anger replacing all common sense

oh run for you life
all tenderness is gone
in the blink of an eye
all good will has withdrawn

I am sobered by the imagery of the minefield. Hidden among the beautiful flowers and lush grass are deadly relationship mines. A misstep here and you explode my insecurity. Step over there and you detonate all of those old hurts and shame from my past. Step here and you get wounded from the shrapnel of my selfishness. And all it takes is a tone or not meeting a poorly communicated need to blow up all tenderness.

God designed us to travel this journey in community. You mature as a Christian when you trust God and others with what is true about you. That means taking off the masks and shining light in the dark places. That has always been scary for me because I imagine I am uniquely sinful. That others have it more together than me. But as I have begun to trust others with me and they with me I am convinced there are no together people. C.S. Lewis made this observation. “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one” That is what you find out over and over when you find trustworthy friends and let them know you. Really know you. You find out we are all messed up. That is why we need the daily and moment by moment grace of the Gospel.

Sara Groves writes about the sad pattern that most of us follow when we hurt or get hurt.

incomprehensible layers of isolation
now your the man with a heart of stone
making me pay here by being alone
seemingly justified righteous indignation
now I’m the woman who holds all her pain
looking for somebody else to blame

It makes me sad to hear those lyrics because I have been there so many times. My default for too many years to hurt was isolation and hiddenness. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I have read and struggled with words from Paul that says we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Sure. And I will then run the 100 meters like Usain Bolt. Same chance. I enjoy reading The Message especially for passages I have read dozens if not hundreds of times. It often gives me a fresh perspective. Here is that verse from The Message.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving,
not getting. (Ephesians 5, The Message)

A love marked by giving. Maybe that is possible. A love that extends grace that is unmerited. Just like I receive from Christ. A love that refuses to stay hidden even when that feels like the safest place to be. A love that expresses needs as a sign of strength and not weakness. My friend Bill Thrall says that the phrase “I don’t need you is the mantra of the wounded.” I do need my bride’s affirmation and love. I do need friends who know me and still love me. I do need a Savior who patiently molds me without condemnation. Yet I walk through a minefield of lies and past hurts and self-doubt every day. But that is not who I am anymore and I am trusting this truth.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.
The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5, NLT)

So when I step on a mine and get wounded I call out to Jesus. “It’s me. Your child. I need you to love me so I can love others out of your amazing love and grace.” With Christ I can summon the courage to be known by others because Jesus knows me and loves me without fail. On that foundation I can build healthy relationships.

Father’s Day is just around the corner. Some of you have told me you plan to give a copy of Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace to your Dad or Grandfather. In my very biased world that is MUCH better than a tie!

I have Autograph plates ready to send out that you can place inside the book before you give it. Just send your address and how you want the plate inscribed to dave@daveburchett.com or send me a personal message with the info on Facebook. I will sign the autograph plate and return it to you. I pay the postage as my small thank you to you!

You can get Stay at Barnes and Noble, Booksamillion, Mardels and online at Amazon, Christianbook.com, and Barnes and Noble.You link to the online booksellers from the “Order Now” link at the top right of this page.

I would love to help you celebrate your Dad or Granddad this year. But hurry so you won’t miss out on this really unique gift.

Regular readers of these humble ramblings know that I love music and the power of lyrics to implant truth in my heart. The group Tenth Avenue North is especially good at doing that for me. A new song resonated from the moment I heard it. What You Want is a powerful plea to give up my personal agenda and my need to be in control. You can check it out here.  Here is a sample of the lyrics.

Everyday I’ve been feeling the pressure
I always gotta know the plan
It’s a weight that I’ve tried to shoulder

I thought I could, but I can’t
And I’m so tired of chasing dreams
When I am wired to let you lead

You’re changing my heart
To want what You want
To love what You love
And that is enough
There’s no greater plan that I need to know
You only ask me to follow

Oh I’m feelin’ this surrender

Surrender. That is such a negative concept in this culture. We need to reclaim the positive meaning of that word for followers of Jesus. For most people surrender means weakness. Giving up. Capitulation. Soldiers who surrender are hopeless and even scorned. In the upside down world of the Gospel of Grace surrender is a sign of strength. The miracle of grace is that surrender means freedom.

I feel myself come alive
And the burden feels like a feather
When I let my agenda die

Recently my buddy Ed Underwood (you should read his books and blog) texted that he had found the official anthem for Christians who try to live this journey in their own insufficient strength. I agreed so much that I asked his permission to steal his insight for today’s musing. I will not share the details of the deal but it may or may not involve a future karaoke performance at the fabulous Garman’s Restaurant and Irish Pub in Santa Paula, California. But that unfortunate possibility is not today’s topic.

Ed had texted that rock icon Janis Joplin’s song “Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)” perfectly summed up the frustration of Christians who think that just a little more effort or doing more of the right things will make them holy. It is a losing game. Joplin’s lyrics address a love interest but they fit perfectly into the frustrating cry of many followers of Jesus trying desperately to “be holy”.

Yeah, I’m gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So I can give, give, give, give him every bit of my soul.

I spent a lot of years alternating between trying harder, giving up, feeling guilty and trying harder again. What I got was not godliness. What I got was tired.

When I was a kid the preachers used to bellow about revival. We need REVIVAL! They preached in ALL CAPS ALL OF THE TIME! They would have week long revival meetings badgering us to sell out. We got yelled at about our sin. We heard clearly a message of condemnation and fear. We heard that we had better shape up or else! We heard stories about backslidden Christians burning in hell because they wouldn’t repent. We heard that we had better get serious about Jesus.  And we believed we would. That fear based compliance lasted for a day or two or maybe a couple of months if we really got convicted. But it didn’t last.

Then I stumbled on a different message. What if the truths of grace so beautifully detailed in the book “The Cure” are true?

What if the secret to living this journey is not trying harder but simply living out of what Jesus has already done for me?

What if revival is based not on avoidance of damnation but on having an actual relationship with God? What if Christians really understood that they are new creatures when they put their trust by faith in Jesus? What if Christians truly got that there is no condemnation for them because of the Cross? What if Christians really understood that they are no longer have to prove anything and they could instead trust God for their spiritual growth? What if Christians saw that Jesus stood beside them ready to resolve their sin instead of looking with disappointment from afar? What if Christians learned to trust God and others with who they really are and dropped the dadgum masks? (My grandfather’s favorite Christian cuss word). What if Christians had the courage to put their full weight on these truths of identity and grace and allowed God to love them and others through them? These are the truths I have learned, refined and had a chance to live with my friends at Truefaced and other assorted misfits around the country.

Here is what one tired and discouraged Christian experienced when I began to understand the message of grace. It is changing me. And I have had the best years with Jesus of my four decades plus on the journey. I have had some really good spiritual seasons along the way but I have never had the consistency of joy and peace that I have experienced since I trusted these truths of grace. I have never felt such spiritual freedom until I leaned into grace that allows me to love God, receive love from Him and allow that to flow to others.

What if Christians really trusted who God says He is? Could we change our walk with Jesus? Could we change our family? Our church? Our culture? Dare we believe this?

I have often quoted from my friends at Truefaced. This statement rocked my world many years ago.

If you are a Christian God is not interested in changing you. That has already happened. You were changed when you trusted Christ. You were imputed with His righteousness. Your very spiritual DNA was rewritten and you became a new person. So the change happened right away. God is now interested in maturing you into what is already true about you.

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God freely and graciously declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.  (Romans 3:22-23, NLT)

Remind yourself daily who you are. What is already true about you. That you are a new person. Righteous because of Christ. A new life has begun in you.

Live it joyfully and without condemnation. You are deeply loved by God today. Breathe that into your soul and quit trying so hard! I pray it will change your journey like it has mine.

(Read an excerpt from Stay:Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace)

Recently the life odometer rolled over another year so it was only fitting that a little tune from Willie Nelson caught my attention. The song is titled “Funny How Time Slips Away” and it is one of his signature songs. I realize that Willie is, for some, an acquired taste. I do not endorse Willie’s recreational choices or his tax paying discipline but I do love his ability to make lyrics real. In this song he laments the loss of a love.

Well hello there my it’s been a long long time
How am I doin’ oh I guess that I’m doin’ fine
It’s been so long now but it seems now it was only yesterday
Gee ain’t it funny how time slips away

It is not really funny how time slips away. It is downright scary. It seems like yesterday that I was playing sandlot baseball as a kid. Moments ago I was in high school being ADD before ADD was cool. It feels like yesterday that I met the stunning Joni Banks and somehow conned her into dating me. Couldn’t have been too long ago that I donned the hideous baby blue tux to wed my beloved. Wasn’t it just weeks ago that three adorable baby boys came into our lives? And how is it possible that I am now directing the baseball exploits of athletes that were not close to being born when I started this gig?

Time does slip away. The best line on parenting I have heard is that the days are long but the years are short. Amen. I now am the father of a 38 year old, a 36 year old, and a 30 year old. When did that happen? Married almost 40 years. Are you kidding me?

I have had, if I may borrow the franchise of Frank Capra, a wonderful life. Not devoid of tragedy and trouble to be sure. I have lost a very dear nephew to leukemia, a daughter to terminal birth defects, my father and mother and many other family members and friends. My bride battled cancer ten years ago. No one gets out of this life unscathed. But we are blessed beyond comprehension. I believe that is because we have found our reason for being here. Rick Warren summed it up nicely in an interview.

People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond, In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body – but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one or you’re getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that’s not the goal of life: The goal is to grow in character, In Christ-likeness.

If this is the warm-up act for my eternity gig on the main stage then all of this is merely preparation. Football players hate the two-a-day practices in the brutal heat. But they love the exhilaration of victory that the difficult preparation makes possible. Sometimes the two-a-days of life seem cruel and without purpose. But my understanding of the God who made me and His purpose for me allows me to believe there is purpose and design. I don’t always see it. I love being happy and carefree. But if my purpose is preparation for my real gig then I can trust that God is growing me in character. Paul wrote this in the book of Colossians.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Col 3, NLT)

The song continues…

I gotta go now I guess I’ll see you around
Don’t know when though never know when I’ll be back in town
But remember what I tell you in time you’re gonna pay
And it’s surprising how time slips away

The songwriter is correct. In time you’re gonna pay. But not in the sense that the lyric implies. And not in the heavy handed way that too many Christians threaten eternal damnation to those who oppose them. We are created to be in fellowship with our Creator and you will pay a price if you ignore that truth. You will pay a price of less fulfillment, purpose and joy during this life. Time is slipping away for all of us. Enjoy the journey of preparation. We never know how many mile markers remain.

I am partnering with Patriot Paws and donating a portion of the advances and royalties for Stay and my next book releasing in 2017. Patriot Paws is an organization that trains service dogs to assist veterans who deal with PTS, mobility and  other injuries.

Go to Amazon, Barnes and Nobles or other book sellers to buy a copy of Stay. Then private message me at my Facebook author page and I will send you a personalized autograph plate to place inside the book. Here is an example…

Give a special gift (or receive one) and help a wonderful cause!