Charisa Stories

Tag: grace

  • The Worst Day of Peter’s Life


    There is much written about Good Friday. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the Cross is incomprehensible to my puny human intellect. There is much written about Easter Sunday. Christians around the world rejoice and proclaim that “He is risen!”. But there is not nearly as much written about one of the saddest and most confusing days in history. The Saturday between the Friday horror of Jesus on the Cross and the Sunday mystery of the resurrection. Some churches do observe Holy Saturday but it was never a tradition in my faith upbringing.

    I have been thinking about what that day must have been like for those who dropped everything to follow Jesus. How crushing those events had to be. I imagine the fear they felt that they would also be killed. And for what? On Saturday they feared they had given their careers and their very souls for a false hope.

    I think in particular of Peter. I identify so much with him. Like him I throw down bold statements of loyalty to the Lord and then let Him down. Like him I draw attention to my own accomplishments instead of recognizing where my accomplishments come from. Like Peter I am a generally sincere but desperately needy follower of Jesus.

    You know the story about Peter before the arrest and mock trial of Jesus. Jesus tells Peter that he will deny him three times before the rooster crows at dawn. For many years I breezed by the setup to that prediction.

    “Simon (Peter), Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22, NLT)

    Jesus had already prayerfully pleaded for Peter to be used in a powerful and redemptive way before the failure, shame and repentance that Jesus knew was about to happen. Our sin does not take Jesus by surprise. Why does His grace and forgiveness surprise us?

    Like me, Peter did not hear the tender words of encouragement from the Lord. Nope. He blustered.

    “Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you, and even to die with you.”

    After the arrest of Jesus a suddenly less bold Peter followed the crowd. He denied to a servant girl that he knew Jesus. He denied his alliance to another bystander. The crushing sorrow and shame of what happened next is hard to fathom.

    About an hour later someone else insisted, “This must be one of them, because he is a Galilean, too.”

    But Peter said, “Man, I don’t know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed.

    At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Suddenly, the Lord’s words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And Peter left the courtyard, weeping bitterly.

    I imagined what the expression might have been on the face of Jesus when He turned and looked. I suspect it was a look of sadness, compassion and longing to comfort His friend. But what Peter probably saw was only disappointment and failure. Peter’s tears likely flowed until they could no longer flow. I suspect it was hard to even breathe. His heart literally ached within his chest. His mind could not imagine any future hope. I wonder if he thought about running away or even ending it all. I wonder if he could think at all.

    That Saturday was one of the worst days in history and Peter may have felt the pain of that awful day more intensely than anyone. He did not know what would happen the next day. Peter did not yet understand what Jesus had been telling him.

    When Luke recounts that Jesus appeared to the Disciples the only one mentioned by name is Peter. What gives me hope this Easter season is the tender story of Jesus affirming and reinstating Peter to be a leader who would “feed His sheep”. That is the grace that changes a heart.

    I can betray Jesus. Ignore Him. Live selfishly. At some point I once again recognize my desperate need for Jesus to rescue me. For the one millionth time I turn to Him. And what happens? He lifts my shame bowed head and looks deeply into my eyes. He tells me how much He loves me. That is grace. That is real. That is love. Maybe I won’t have a day quite as bad as Peter on that horrible dark Saturday but his story of redemption encourages me this Easter season.

    Saturday was terrible. But Sunday was coming with the wonderful news that He is risen! He is risen for me! Jesus is pleading for me that my faith will not fail. What a joyous hope for all of us this Easter.

  • Can We Ban All Broad-Brushes?

    One of the things that I struggle with the most in our current cultural climate is the broad-brushing by all sides. What do I mean by that?

    If you disagree with someone’s faith or political opinion you automatically assign to them the worst values from the most extreme people proclaiming that message. Without knowing a single thing about their story, their heart, or their background we tend to throw down the gauntlet of judgment.

    A lot of Christians have been unfairly targeted recently. Some deserve to be called to accountability. I have never had a problem with being honest about how I and many other followers of Jesus often fall short of representing the grace and love of Jesus.

    That is just a fact. That doesn’t change who Jesus is.

    But one heartbreaking result is that the entire Christian faith is being dismissed and denigrated by a lot of people with social media influence.

    With just a bit of internet searching I can find example after example of failed followers of Jesus. What is harder to find are stories about the millions who serve selflessly every day and without being noticed. Why do so many people sacrifice willingly to help those who give them very little or even nothing in return?

    I know a standard answer is indoctrination as a child into this phony faith. That didn’t happen to me. I was not raised in the church as a child or brainwashed to believe. Another accusation is there is blind acceptance of faith without questioning. That is not my story either. I did a deep dive into my faith when I experienced doubts. I needed to see if I could stand firmly on what I believed. I can tell you there is intellectual depth in the Christian community that helped me sort through my questions with clarity and confidence.

    I will be honest and tell you it is hard to read some of the comments that strangers have made about my faith. It is harder still to read and hear them from people I know. But that is the reality of the spiritual battle that all followers of Jesus face.

    If it is true that there is an enemy who tries to destroy the claims of Christ then it makes total sense that the narrative he would push forward is entirely negative. The Enemy does not want the millions of stories of people making a difference capturing the limelight. That would illuminate the darkness of this fallen world with the hope of Jesus.

    So what should be our response to these attacks? Jesus made our response pretty clear.

    43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even unbelievers do that.” (Matthew 5:43-47, NLT)

    When you have the opportunity to talk to someone who opposes your faith you should ask to hear their story. Why do they have such strong feelings against God? Did something or someone cause that reaction?

    It is amazing how hearing someone’s story can often soften your heart toward them. You have a much better understanding of why they react the way they do. And listening (really listening) can open a door to dialogue about your own journey and story. You will be acting as a true child of God.

    Occasionally I hear some kind things directed toward me. I am grateful for that but here is my honest response to those words. I might have some basic personality traits that were positive but I can say with 100% conviction that most of the things you like about me were cultivated, refined, and grown through the love of Jesus and the gentle teaching power of the Holy Spirit.

    Own your failures. We all fall short. I am careful not to communicate that my desire is for an unbeliever to stop living in a particular way or to quit a sin I abhor. My message is to really get to know Jesus. In the movie the Jesus Revolution a church welcomed in young men and women who were doing drugs and living a life that many in the congregation deemed decadent. If the message had been clean up your life and then you can be part of our community the revival would have stopped cold. Instead the message was come to know Jesus and let Him show you how to change how you live. That happened millions of times during that remarkable revival.

    It can still happen today. But I fear that God can not use me if I am busy broad brushing everyone I disagree with. I want to share His story without judging theirs. I am throwing away the broad-brush.

  • The Hope of Opening Day


    In my mind there is no more special day in sports than Opening Day in baseball. The smell of freshly cut emerald green grass delights the senses. The base lines are painstakingly and perfectly defined by a grounds crew that is committed to perfection on this day. Red, white, and blue bunting give the ball park a festive World Series look. The players today act like little boys. On this day these athletes appear extra grateful that they are paid to play a kid’s game. Children skip school and parents do not care because memories are being made for both of them. The hot dogs taste like gourmet food. Souvenirs are treasures to be kept a lifetime. The atmosphere is magic.

    It is Opening Day and every team has hope. Each fan has dreams and they are hopefully, or perhaps hopelessly, optimistic. Last year’s disappointments are gone and the hope of a new season dawns for fifty thousand fans in the park and thousands more across the area. The mood is upbeat and the expectations high. This is a new day and a new season. Old mistakes are forgotten. Past errors are no longer important. Today is the annual renewal of the incredible marathon that is big league baseball. It is a clean slate. The team has a new identity.

    The example of Opening Day can also be a reminder about my walk with Jesus. Recently I have been understanding that God’s Word tells us that every day can be like Opening Day (Dave’s paraphrase). I do have a clean slate because of Christ. There is hope. Yesterday’s sins are forgotten if you have accepted the gift of Jesus on the Cross. Every morning that I awake and see the magic of a new sunrise I can believe that I have been renewed and optimistically face the day. I don’t have to wait a year to have a chance for renewal. Paul writes that every day has the potential for the spiritual magic of renewal and victory in Christ.

    And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

    As God’s messenger, I give each of you this warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.

    God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out when you have faith that God is speaking through you. If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching. If your gift is to encourage others, do it! If you have money, share it generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

    Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically.

    Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God’s children are in need, be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night.

    If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

    Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. (Romans 12, NLT)

    I am grateful in my spiritual journey that God has given me a chance for “Opening Day” renewal every day. I have had some down seasons during my career as a follower of Jesus. But I am learning that everyday is a gift.

    The fragile nature of our lives makes the bigger questions so much more important even as I enjoy the hope of Opening day.  I realize that every day with Jesus can be like this special day in baseball. I can be transformed and new. Past losses (sins) are redeemed and forgiven. There can be freshness in the journey and joy. I can realize that I am a child of God and I can be grateful that I call Him Father. I can believe that hope for the future is real. I can understand that I must be a better teammate to others that I encounter and not expect my team to be perfect. The magic of a fresh start happens once a year in baseball. It can happen any day and every day for a follower of Jesus.

  • No Matter How Many Years We Live We’re Only Here for a Little While

    This life is just the warmup act for followers of Jesus. A classic tune from the Righteous Brothers reflects my hope.

    If you believe in forever,
    Then life is just a one-night stand.

    Those lyrics reminded me that even if you hit triple digits on the age odometer this journey is still an eternal blink of the eye. Your significance is not how long but how well you live your life. Not how much fame or money you gain but what you do with time you are given.

    This weekend a song popped up on satellite radio called “We’re Only Here for a Little While”. Billy Dean is singing about leaving a funeral and recognizing his need to slow down and enjoy the everyday blessings of life. He decides to become intentional about doing the things that matter instead of worrying and tweeting about things that don’t amount to a hill of beans in eternity. 

    Gonna hold who needs holdin’
    Mend what needs mendin’
    Walk what needs walkin’
    Though it means an extra mile
    Pray what needs prayin’
    Say what needs sayin’
    Cause we’re only here for a little while.   

    That is a pretty good to do list to live a life that makes a difference. Being present with those you love. Forgiving AND asking to be forgiven. Taking your journey with Jesus seriously. Understanding and practicing the power of prayer. Speaking the truth in grace and love. The last lyric is the one that is most fraught with danger. We often find it easy to say what we think needs to be said. It is such a difficult thing to speak truth into the life of someone who is determined to go their own way. Perhaps a gigantic how to clue is embedded in a verse from the Gospel of John.

    Now the Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We saw his glory—the glory of the one and only, full of grace and truth, who came from the Father. (John 1:14, NET)

    Jesus was full of grace and truth. Most of us are full of truth or we are full of some variation of that. I suspect in God’s wisdom, grace comes first because we have a far harder time communicating with grace. I am often willing to be “honest” and tell you where you are wrong. Doing that with grace and truth requires me to love you and to be vulnerable. Jesus modeled a perfectly balanced blend of grace and truth.

    That is my prayer as I engage those who have made mistakes and are suffering the consequences of those decisions. I pray that I will always present truth as a gift of grace from a loving God instead of performance demands in order to be acceptable to Him. The following principle is nearly always true.

    Truth presented as law hardens hearts. 
    Truth presented with grace changes hearts.

    When we meditate on the grace given to us as a free gift by our gracious God we can can begin to model Paul’s words to the church at Ephesus.

    Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. (Ephesians 4:15, NLT)

    Meditate on Paul’s words and remember we are only here for a little while. That would help us worry a little more about the things that matter for eternity. And focus on the One who can unite us.

  • God Doesn’t Punish

    One of my favorite lessons from Stay came while rescued Lab Maggie and I traversed the usual path. She sniffed and I listened to a podcast as we paced briskly through a Texas morning. She spotted something and moved toward the curb. My eye caught something at the same time, and I jerked violently on her leash to pull her toward me.

    She looked surprised, puzzled at what she had done wrong for such a harsh correction from me. The truth was that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Some knucklehead had shattered a beer bottle and a jagged piece was right in her path. She could have been seriously cut by the razor-sharp glass. I was thankful I had spotted it, but I could see that my action confused Maggie. I needed to assure her that my unexpected reaction was not punitive but entirely out of concern for her.

    I immediately dropped down to my knee, scratched Maggie’s ears, and verbally praised her. “It’s okay, girl. It’s okay.” 

    I was glad that she perked up immediately. Her uncertainty vanished, her drooping tail began to wag, and her beautiful eyes brightened again. She understood we were good. It was another lesson for me to ponder. 

    How many times have I responded in confusion and hurt when God gently or not so gently pulled me off a path of destruction when I had no idea what He was doing? Instead of trusting God I start second-guessing when God throws me a curve. I get out the transgression magnifying glass to detect which sin might have caused God to withdraw His favor from me. 

    Pastor Tullian Tchividjian answered my question with this insight.

    “Until we see God-sent storms as interventions and not punishments, we’ll never get better, we’ll only get bitter. Some difficult circumstances you’re facing right now may well be a God-sent storm of mercy intended to be his intervention in your life.”

    Precisely. God sees the jagged glass that I am about to step on and He pulls me back in love. The problem isn’t with Him; it’s my response to the correction. I am still learning to trust that God loves me no matter what my circumstances might look like.

    In the New Living Translation the passage heading for the first twelve verses in Hebrews 12 is spot on: “God’s Discipline Proves His Love.”

    For too many years I thought God’s corrective actions were punishment that proved His displeasure, when in actuality that discipline proved His love. 

    Have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, 

    “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.

    For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

    As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?  If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?

    For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

    Hebrews 12:5-11

    Even as a self-confessed imperfect father (corroborating evidence available from all three sons), I distinctly remember that I disciplined my children so they would grow up to be honest, kind, and loving. I didn’t want to make their lives miserable, stick it to them, or make them sad. On the contrary, I wanted them to learn how to live joyfully and well. If a flawed earthly father can have that heartfelt desire, how much more does my heavenly Father desire for my growth and good? It is all in understanding the motive behind the action.

    What does it mean that God administers His discipline in the realm of grace? It means that all His teaching, training, and discipline are administered in love and for our spiritual welfare. It means that God is never angry with us, though He is often grieved at our sins. It means He does not condemn us or count our sins against us. All that He does in us and to us is done on the basis of unmerited favor.

    I’m taking Maggie’s response to heart. When she looked at her master and saw that she was okay she relaxed, turned, and kept on walking. The journey continues for both of us.

  • The Next Jesus Revolution?

    I recently watched the movie Jesus Revolution.

    I was deeply moved by the main theme of the movie. It doesn’t matter how much a particular group offends your personal standards of behavior and upsets your judgemental apple cart. We, as followers of Jesus, have been commanded to love others and to share the hope we have in Him.

    “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” (John 13:34, NLT)

    Not suggested.

    Commanded.

    I grew up in a church that was much like the lukewarm assembly that Pastor Chuck Smith shepherded in this story. The congregants were set in their ways and had no patience with these long-haired hippies committing heinous sins like drug use, unmarried sex, and angry protests against the government. It was true that those actions violated God’s standards for believers. Too many in the church held these young people to standards that were proclaimed for Christians and not for those who still needed to find Jesus. What frustrated me in that season of life were these self-righteous churchgoers who had tons of patience with their own sins of hypocrisy, gossip, and not caring about the souls of these hippies.

    The story of the Jesus Revolution is powerful. Many of these young people were desperately looking for identity, purpose, and self-esteem in all the wrong places. When they discovered that Jesus offered the things they were looking for it caused a revival that swept Southern California and the rest of the country. I personally know a woman who came to know Jesus in that tent at Calvary Chapel and was baptized at Pirates Cove in the Pacific Ocean. She is still a devoted follower of Jesus. Her testimony is one of millions that attest to the reality of that spiritual movement.

    Pastor Chuck Smith was moved by the passion of the young people who had moved from drugs and other sinful pursuits to find peace and hope in Jesus. He allowed these “hippies” to attend his church much to the horror of the uptight congregation. Chuck Smith followed the command of Jesus. He loved these unlikely new members.

    I left the theater feeling uplifted and convicted at the same time. I wondered if the Holy Spirit was showing me how the church today is judging young people and not actively caring about sharing the love of Jesus with them. At the risk of getting canceled, I hear often how angry and judgmental Christians can be toward young people trying to figure out cultural issues like gender, historical interpretations, and losing the ability to communicate because everything is offensive to them.

    I kept thinking about how God used a small movement in Southern California to show what the power of Jesus can do in a life that is confused. Are we missing the chance to make a difference by not being accepting of young people who are pursuing the same things the 1970’s hippies were trying to find? Identity. Purpose. Self-esteem. Hope.

    So I am asking myself these questions. Do I care about the souls of these young people going down paths that I might think are crazy? Do I pray for them? Am I willing to welcome them into my fellowship? Do I think that Jesus loves everyone no matter how much I might disagree with their current philosophical positions? I looked at those angry churchgoers demanding that the hippies be sent away and wonder if we are doing the same thing with the younger generation today.

    God does not ignore sin. God will judge all of our sins. But God is always mercifully seeking sinners. Paul said it so perfectly.

    But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8, NLT)

    Every single one of us was doing things that violated the holy standards of God. But His patience and gentle persistence brought us into His fellowship through Christ. We can’t let sins that offend us more than our particular sins affect our heart for reaching out to others with the Good News of the Gospel.

    There is a scene in The Jesus Revolution where there is clear division in the room. On one side were the traditional conservative church goers wearing suits and dresses. The other side was filled with barefoot young people wearing tie-dyed clothes, jeans, and flowers. At one point an angry older man stood up and demanded that control to be returned to the people who supported the church financially. Pastor Chuck Smith refused. He led a group of people out of the church. On his way out the man turned and looked at an older gentleman with a look of expectation that he would join them. The old man stood up and began to walk. All eyes were on him as he slowly moved out of his pew. He walked over to the hippie section and settled in with them as the others slammed the door on their way out.

    I want to be that guy. The one who cares about people different from me. The one who is willing to move out of my comfort zone to share the grace and love of Jesus.

    Today there are signs that a new revival is sweeping through the younger generation. I want to be a cheerleader and prayer warrior for that movement. God is creative and I don’t want to get in His way.

  • Where Am I?


    This floor sticker was amusing but not particularly helpful. It did make me remember how long I stumbled around trying to figure out where I was on my spiritual journey. Was I going to Heaven? Was I a good, bad, or indifferent Christian? Was I loved by God? Was I significant? The question of where I was as a follower of Christ and who I was as a person consumed and confused me.

    The always present Enemy answered the questions above on a regular basis. Maybe not going to Heaven. Definitely a bad Christian. Not really loved or bad things wouldn’t happen to you. Totally insignificant. The following is a little excerpt on this topic from my book Waking Up Slowly.

    For too many years I believed the accusations, without considering the question that Philip Yancey asks.

    Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: you become what the most important person in your life (wife, father, boss, etc.) thinks you are. How would my life change if I truly believed the Bible’s astounding words about God’s love for me, if I looked in the mirror and saw what God sees?

    I am learning to look into the mirror and see someone that I accept by faith and not by my feelings. I see a saint. That’s right. Many (maybe most) of Satan’s accusations are true. But what I now see is a man who is a saint. I found forty references to saints in Paul’s writings in the English Standard Version. From his additional descriptions, I am pretty sure that the recipients of his letters were not always behaving like saints. They were saints because of Christ, and not by meticulously following the law.

    God sees those who trust Jesus as righteous, no matter how many accusations are thrown at them. Amazing.

    All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.

    (Ephesians 1:3-5, NLT)

    That is my (and your) identity as a follower of Jesus. Holy and without fault in His eyes. I will be accused again, probably sooner than later. But I am learning to simply say this to myself: “That is not who I am anymore. I am holy because of Christ.”

    When I forget that truth, I allow doubt, confusion, shame, and sadness to creep in. Not leaning on the finished work of Jesus as my strength and identity sets me up for a frustrating masquerade of faith.

    There may be no element more important to living fully in the moment with God than accepting that I am loved by Him right now just as I am. That is so counterintuitive to how “love” so often works in my experience. I have talked with too many men who justify their extramarital relationships by saying they deserve more than their current marriage provides. It always hurts my heart because those they hurt deeply do not deserve to be wounded by betrayal. I try to never forget what I said on that July day more than forty years ago to my bride. I made vows to Joni Lynn Banks before God. I did not sign a contract with escape clauses based on my happiness at any given point in time.

    The world speaks a different love language. “I will love you while you are attractive.” “I will love you when you make me happy.” “I will love you when you do what I ask you to do.” Human love almost always includes conditional elements. That is not God’s love.

    The Lord your God is in your midst; he is a warrior who can deliver.
    He takes great delight in you; he renews you by his love; he shouts for joy over you.
    (Zephaniah 3:17, NET)

    The attributes of God’s love are mind boggling. It is personal. You and I can relate to God the Creator of the universe as our Father. Think about that. I mean really think about that. I am conditioned to believe that if something seems too good to be true, then I am being deceived. That is what Satan would have me believe. But the stunning radicality of grace is that what seems to be too good to be true is more true than I can imagine.

    (Reprinted with permission of Tyndale Publishing, All Rights Reserved)

    So where am I today? No matter what my physical location might be I have both feet firmly planted on the foundation of my identity in Christ. I am putting my full weight on His Grace. No matter where I am that is who I am! And it is a really peaceful place to be after all these years.