Charisa Stories

Tag: Jesus

  • Time To Implement The Grace Rules of Engagement

    I made a conscious decision a few years ago to focus on communicating the message of grace and identity in Christ. With that I decided to avoid the polarizing path of politics. Some have told me that is cowardly but I can honestly say there is no message more important to me than the liberating freedom of grace. I want to share the joy of living out of what Jesus has already accomplished and what God says is true about me. 

    That I am a saint. A new creation. A beloved child of God. I relate to the mission statement of Paul when he wrote these words.

    But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. (Acts 20:24, NLT)

    I feel called to be a messenger of hope and grace. Plus I feel like the negative team has a pretty full roster of contributors. 

    I still believe that is my calling with these humble ramblings. But how does grace enter into the conversation when we have sincere disagreements over cultural and political issues?

    It is fascinating how two people can look at the same information and reach completely opposite conclusions. So I am going to offer the “Grace Rules of Engagement” as a roadmap for civil discussion. 

    • Sincere followers of Jesus can look at cultural or political issues and have very different opinions. Jesus loves His children on both sides of the argument.

    I know I have changed my views on some cultural issues over my years of walking with Jesus. I was a child in the era when divorce was a mortal sin. I absolutely am committed to the idea of a husband and wife taking their vows seriously. But I learned that the cultural shame of divorce caused many Christian women to feel trapped in relationships of abuse. Clearly that was not the desire of a loving Heavenly Father who ordained marriage. In those sad situations it is necessary to divorce an abusive spouse. In the pulpits of my youth the message was no divorce outside of adultery was ever justified. I had a blind spot about how a declaration that appeared Biblical could foster abuse. So many issues we discuss have similar and complex nuances. We need to discuss, not demonize.

    • The goal of a discussion should not be to win.

    Thoughtful discourse is impossible when one of the participants only cares about winning the debate. The goal of any conversation should be graceful exchange of ideas without rude interruptions, condescending gestures, or angry exchanges. I would rather have a goal of being winsome instead of winning. That attitude fosters conversation. 

    • People of different viewpoints should commit to listen. Nothing shows respect more than carefully listening to the arguments of those with whom you disagree and then gently offering thoughtful responses. 

    Listen to talking heads on television news shows as they “discuss” different points of view. As soon as one side starts talking the other shakes their head, smirks, and then interrupts and talks over the other person. How is that going to persuade anyone? Yet we tend to do the same thing when we have significant disagreements with people of faith. Listen. Really listen. Let them finish their point. Then respond in grace.

    • Ask questions.

    You will not influence another person by arguing. The way to connect is to ask questions and try to understand why they feel the way they do. I have found that many times people I talk with don’t have a solid reason for their feelings. That can be a opening to honestly discuss difficult topics. 

    • Climb out of your bubble

    Find out what the other person is reading and watching. Expose yourself to different points of view and encourage those you have disagreements with to do the same. If you are confident in your beliefs there should be no fear in being exposed to differing viewpoints.

    • All of us are a work in process.

    Every child of God is in process. I am a very different Christian than I was 20, 10, or even 5 years ago. I am growing (hopefully) in grace and truth. I strongly believed and said things years ago that I am grieved about today. Thankfully God was patiently working with my heart and gently shining the light of the Holy Spirit on my blind spots. I need to give that grace to others. 

    • Pray for wisdom and grace then leave the results to God.

    So what is the goal when you have sincere disagreements with another believer over cultural issues? Use the “Grace Guidelines” and relax. God may be using you to plant seeds in the heart of the other person. Maybe you have a blind spot that needs the refining work of the Holy Spirit. Share your heart with love and kindness and be open to the possibility that you may be the one who needs to change your heart.

    • Grace never cancels

    Grace does not “cancel”. Grace does not shame. Grace does not answer anger with anger. The person you totally disagree with may be crying out of pain and deep wounding. Perhaps a gentle answer will give hope. Grace does not lash out when challenged. Grace is kind and gentle.

    Being graceful can be a pain in the hind regions but it is what we are called to offer to others. Paul addresses this to the church at Colossae. 

    Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

    Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.Colossians 3:12-17, NLT

    Perhaps the most important thing all of us can do to further the unity in the body of Christ is to memorize that passage and try to implement those words for 30 days. By the grace of God it could become a habit.

    Be kind to those who disagree and remember the words of author Alexander MacLaren. “Kindness makes a person attractive. If you would win the world, melt it, do not hammer it.”

  • We Need To Comprehend That Words Matter A Lot

    When it comes to social media some people seem to be in attack mode all the time. My heartaches because friends and colleagues of mine say truly ugly things and assign terrible motives to people they don’t even know. I quit going negative on social media many years ago. I affirm where I can and stay silent when I cannot. I just don’t understand what satisfaction people get from savaging someone from the safe bunker of the Internet.

    One word I choose to limit is hate. Hate is a powerful and deeply affecting word. But we toss it around so casually that it makes me wince. I am saddened, sickened, disturbed, and frightened at how the word hate is being hurled in our national discourse. Red-faced people of different viewpoints spew vitriol at those they disagree with. It can be an honest and complicated issue that people are reacting to, but they reduce the debate to hating their opponents instead of listening and discussing.

    Author James Baldwin made this insightful observation: “I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

    Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes it is easier to demonize than understand what needs to be done. It is up to me and to you to change the discourse. We need to start by allowing God to be the one who defines hate. After all, He does have that righteous and holy power on His resume.

    In the Book of Proverbs, there is a list of seven things that God hates.
    eyes that are arrogant,
    a tongue that lies,
    hands that murder the innocent,
    a heart that hatches evil plots,
    feet that race down a wicked track,
    a mouth that lies under oath,
    a troublemaker in the family.   (Proverbs 6:17-19, The Message)

    I believe we saw all seven of those things over recent days in our country. Political leaders favorite tactic of justifying bad behavior because of other bad behavior does not work with a holy God. Our God is not attention deficit and we cannot distract Him with a shiny sign condemning someone else’s sin.

    Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of “Words That Hurt, Words That Heal”, has lectured throughout this country on the powerful, often negative impact of words. He often asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, another person. Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands, signifying “Yes.” Others laugh, and quite a few call out, “No!”

    Telushkin responds, “Those who can’t answer ‘yes’ must recognize that you have a serious problem. If you can’t go 24 hours without drinking liquor, you’re addicted to alcohol. If you can’t go 24 hours without smoking, you’re addicted to nicotine. So if you can’t go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you’ve lost control over your tongue.”

    Or maybe you could try sending 24 posts without saying unkind words about others. It seems that people talk about things and people they detest instead of solutions. Hate is a very serious word to use when talking about anyone, and especially for followers of Jesus who rant on other believers. As Christians, we simply do not have that option. Yet I see this happening way too often.

    If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?  (1 John 4:20)

    If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness. (1 John 2:9)

    Ouch. It’s very clear—and uncomfortable to hear—that I need to pray for those I disagree with in the faith community.

    But beyond that, I think we need to be extraordinarily prayerful about throwing the hate card at anyone. I would suggest that we often allow ourselves to slip from hating the sin to hating the sinner as well. A wise man tells us that “the fear of the Lord is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate” (Proverbs 8:13)

    We see the first sentence of this next Proverb played out in social media.

    Hatred stirs up strife,
    but love covers all offenses.
    (Proverbs 10:12)

    The second part of this Proverb has been demonstrated by a few brave souls in my lifetime. Martin Luther King Jr. had some legitimate reasons to hate, but he chose not to. His words have not lost their power: “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

    Another courageous African-American, Booker T. Washington, made a similar choice. “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”

    We hate people we don’t know and, without a doubt, that suspicious attitude prevents us from ever engaging with them. That is why the assassination of Charlie Kirk was so heartbreaking. He sought to engage with people who disagreed with his faith and his views of life. I cannot understand how anyone can say that seeking civil debate over cultural issues is wrong. He asked questions of critics. He gave them an open mic to show where his thinking was off base. His heart’s desire was to shine a light in a dark world through his faith in Jesus Christ. His process was to share truth through kindness and grace. Charlie knew that even truth shared with anger and condemnation will rarely change a heart.

    I have decided to severely curtail my use of the word hate. I am praying to follow the words of Booker T.Washington to permit no man to degrade my soul by making me hate.

    I have to remind myself that the actions that make me angry are the result of our fallen nature and sin. Hating people will not fix either of those issues. My hope is that finding a relationship with Jesus Christ will heal their anger and pain. I can’t influence hearts by using inflammatory words. I want to engage them in grace filled conversation. And remember that words do matter. A lot.

  • What Is The Reason To Attack Thoughts and Prayers?

    I have written about this social media trend but I think it is worth revisiting. After a tragedy occurs it is a common social media reaction to attack people of faith for offering “thoughts and prayers”. These posters assume that anyone expressing those sentiments don’t really care about solutions to prevent future violence. Our culture seems to have lost the ability to recognize two things can be true at once.

    I honestly believe I can desire cultural improvement while praying for hope and comfort to victims and their families available through faith in Christ. 

    So here is the challenge for Christians in this season. How can we love those who assign terrible motives to what may be a completely sincere and caring response? Perhaps start by seeing if anything in the criticism is valid.

    I spent 40 years in television production trucks so rough language doesn’t impact me much. But I have to admit the language and anger directed toward Christians who express “thoughts and prayers” is stunning. It is easy to dismiss such vulgar statements with defensiveness and anger but it is vital to see if there is a valid critique hiding in the vitriol. Is there a lesson there for followers of Jesus?

    I think we can ask for God’s grace towards those who are judgmental and unkind. Believe me, I know that is not easy and not possible apart from His grace. I don’t mean the next statement to be condescending to those who do not share my faith because I have been on both sides. If I did not have the belief that there is more hope in Christ than just this earthly existence I would likely be just as frustrated and angry. 

    To demonstrate my faith is real I need to back up, show kindness, and continue to love those who might not show those same reactions toward me. 

    As for finding some valid criticism in the vitriol I will throw this out for you to “think and pray” about. When we type that we are sending “thoughts and prayers” I believe that Christians must also be looking for ways to show love through our actions. Thoughts and prayers need hands and feet displaying the love of Christ to have eternal impact. 

    It is hard to spend much time in the New Testament and not realize our challenge as followers of Jesus toward those hurting, in need, and devoid of hope. Here is a very small sample: 

    If anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? (1 John 3:17, ESV)

    What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
    (James 2:14-17, ESV)

    Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4 ESV)

    Loving one another is clearly step one. But prayer is a valuable gift to people of faith. Joni went through a difficult cancer journey. Some could only offer prayer. It meant a lot. Some offered prayer and help. That meant a lot. We didn’t judge the first group because they only prayed. We knew they cared and we knew their hearts.

    I am absolutely fine with sincere expressions of thoughts and prayers when people are hurting. I understand the frustration we all feel over terrifying acts of violence. Those who disagree with someone’s faith or political opinion too often assign the worst values from the most extreme people proclaiming that message. Without knowing a single thing about the person’s story, their heart, or their background we are prone to throw down the gauntlet of judgment. Broad brushing the motives of everyone without knowing their heart is painful and destructive.

    I am challenging myself and other believers to be willing to be the hands and feet that reflect the love of Christ. Don’t focus on the anger of those who don’t share your hope. Focus on the One who has given you hope in this challenging season and be a light in the darkness.

  • Has Satan Devised A Prevent Defense For Our Faith Growth Offense?

    There is a question about grace that confounds me.

    “If grace based theology as the way to live out the Christian life is true then why is it not more popular in the church?”

    That is a great question. I have been swept away by grace. Everything in my life has been changed by taking away my performance based faith and believing in Christ’s performance for me.

    During a recent football telecast I thought about a parallel between one of my least favorite football strategies and this grace conundrum. Perhaps it was an insight from the Holy Spirit. Perhaps it was simply because my brain is not wired to factory specs. But this idea popped in my mind. A lot of football teams play a defense that is called the prevent defense. That style of defense is designed to allow the opponent short yardage gains as the defense tries to prevent big plays and long touchdowns. The theory is that if you can force the other team to settle for short gains they will eventually make a mistake, get called for a penalty, or simply fail to get the yardage needed.

    I thought about the opponent we line up against as followers of Christ. Does Satan play a kind of “prevent” defense to thwart our spiritual growth? The Enemy is willing to give up short gains of spiritual growth as long as we focus on our own efforts to keep grinding out more gains. Satan, like a good defensive coordinator, hopes that we make a mistake and then he can pounce on our miscue and cause a costly turnover. I remember that failure would cause me to doubt myself, my commitment, and my worth. When I made a mistake Satan’s play by play announcer would broadcast loudly in my head about my disappointing failure to please God.

    The goal line of joy, freedom, and peace seemed more and more difficult to reach. Finally I was happy just to make a short gain now and then. I seldom sustained a lengthy drive of positive spiritual gains.

    But then I discovered a new offense. A game plan that Satan can’t defend. When I lined up with a grace growth offense there was no way for the Enemy to keep me from the goal of freedom and joy. Instead of grinding out each painful yard with begrudging self-effort I simply followed the lead block of the Spirit and ran with confidence. I remembered my team identity and the power that was promised from that association. I believed that I would be victorious not because of my skill but because of Christ.

    Maybe the analogy is a stretch. Maybe not. Since I detest the prevent defense in football it seems logical it came from Satan. I do think there is something to consider in the idea that Satan “gives” us little gains and tries really hard to stop the big ones. I believe that grace scares the Enemy more that anything we do because grace relies on surrender and trust. My self-effort against the ruler of this world is a long shot. My surrendered life to Jesus is a sure victory. Jesus has fought this battle and won. Why would we not depend on His game plan to reach the goal? I will meditate on these words from Hebrews this week.

    So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.  (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)

    Maybe if we consistently run the grace growth offense more people will find our Godly game-plan more attractive and will join us on the team.

  • Considering Christianity? What Is The Most Important Question To Explore?

    I know people who are considering whether putting their faith in the message of Jesus Christ is legitimate. I went through that same journey years ago. I had many doubts then but, to be honest, they often focused on the wrong issues. My uncertainty centered around people who brazenly wore the label of Christian but their actions showed little or nothing worthy of my commitment to their message. I had not done an intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually honest dive into the most important question.

    Is Jesus who he said he is?

    I wrote a book titled When Bad Christians Happen to Good People where I explored behaviors of people claiming to be followers that did not represent the message of Jesus. The proposed title of the book was “Don’t Reject Christ Because of Christians”.

    I got caught up on that worthless detour. Because of the influence of a few followers of Jesus who gracefully and lovingly influenced me I made the decision to explore the validity of the Gospel. I realized that when I reach the end of my journey I cannot claim the failure of others as my excuse for a life of sin and selfishness. The danger is that part one is true. There are many disappointing and even despicable humans who claimed faith but failed. Ranting on others does not excuse my rejection of God’s salvation offer if it is true.

    If the presence of the God is real there is another presence that needs consideration. A spiritual battle exists between God and Satan. The enemy would direct your focus toward those claiming and failing their faith as a very effective plan to deter you from examining the truth of the Gospel.

    Each of us, according to Scripture, is offered the gift of forgiveness. Is that true? Again, this was the important question I decided to pursue.

    Is Jesus Christ who he said he is?

    Examine the claims of Jesus with an open heart and mind. Read the Gospel of John and ask for the Spirit of God to reveal truth to you.

    I find it fascinating that Jesus answered the Apostle known as “Doubting Thomas” with this response.

    Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. (John 14:6, NLT)

    The path to salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus was proclaimed throughout the Bible. Did Jesus conquer death? Did His death and resurrection pay for my sins? I examined the impact of Jesus on His culture. It was the message of Christ that gave value to women, children, the poor, and the ignored. That is often overlooked but it is remarkable how one teacher can change what had been an unchangeable world. And Jesus introduced a trait that was unheard of as a positive in that culture.

    Humility.

    Jesus also taught that some would claim to be His followers who were not in any way known to Him. Those counterfeiters get lumped in with true followers and cause strife.

    Please, please don’t focus on Christians who fail. Focus on Christ. Did he succeed?

    Following Jesus changed everything in my journey. I would not be a good and loving family member or friend if I did not share that with you. I know my heart. I know the crossroads I came to in different seasons of my life and how God gracefully and lovingly rescued me over and over. This is where my journey has come after focusing on the message of Jesus and not on the failing of people.

    Is Jesus who he said he is? That is the question we all must address.

    With all of my heart I say yes.

  • Could Bella Add Some Good Content To My Book Stay?

    I often joke that I have been discipled by my dogs! Some accuse me of being “dogmatic” in my beliefs. The truth is God can teach us in so many ways. I have learned from Scripture, church community, good Biblical teaching, and serving others. But I have also learned from God’s creation and especially my canine companions. My book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace was written about two precious rescued Labs.

    Joni and I had to say goodbye to both Hannah and Maggie. We weren’t sure if we could find another dog like those two.
    Through an unexpected God connection we found another canine companion with a heart just as big as Hannah and Maggie but contained somehow in a much smaller body. Bella is a 15 pound Cavapoo with a giant personality that entertains, makes you smile, and warms your heart.
    I was wondering recently what Bella’s contribution might be if there was a rewrite of Stay. Here is the first draft.

    Sometimes I wish that churchgoers would adopt some canine characteristics of Bella. Her love is unconditional. She has yet to meet a person she didn’t wish to greet with joy.

    Bella is forgiving. You can disappoint by leaving her behind or not having a moment to play when she desires it. Bella instantly forgives and forgets when you return to her.

    Bella doesn’t spend all of her time with a clique of familiar faces. She greets everyone in her path whether she’s met them before or not.

    Bella’s early discipleship lesson is one that both Hannah and Maggie showed me but this little girl takes to a new level.

    Live in the moment!

    Bella is so good at this gift! She doesn’t waste one second pouting about missing a walk yesterday or getting fed late this morning. And she has zero anxiety that tomorrow’s schedule might not be perfect. She is ALL IN the moment! What’s the lesson here for believers?

    Satan wants us to live in regret of the past and fear of the future, preventing us from contentment and living in the moment with God and those we love.

    I began to learn that part of being content on the journey with Jesus is simply trusting Him one day at a time. You can’t live in regret of the past. It is forgiven. You can’t live in fear of the future. It is in God’s hands. Without regret or fear you are free to live in the moment.

    Jesus proclaimed that exact message in the Gospel of Matthew.

    “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” (Matthew 6:25-26)

    That is so true. Jesus continued to teach His early followers.

    “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:31-34)

    First discipleship reminder from Bella? Live in the moment, seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and the rest will take care of itself. I pray that will be my mindset for my remaining days.

    Live in the moment.

    Bella lives that every day. She can be sleeping soundly when a door opens. She springs up and bounces ready to play. What a picture of spontaneity and joy! She is living completely and freely in the moment. She may have been tired but unexpectedly she has a chance to play with her friend. The message conveyed by her eyes and body language was clear: “Let’s do this!”

    That is my desire as I live out my Jesus journey. I don’t want to dwell on the past. It is gracefully forgiven. I can’t be anxious about my future because my hope is in God. So I want to embrace each day with joy and anticipation of God’s amazing grace.
    Let’s do this!


  • God Is With Us To The Finish Line

    One of my favorite Olympic memories involves a runner who was the last to cross the finish line. Derek Redmond was an elite athlete who had a chance to bring home a medal in 1992 as Great Britain’s 400-meter representative. After an ­injury-plagued career, Redmond seemed ready to leave a lasting legacy at the Barcelona Games. He had recorded the fastest time in the first heat and won his ­quarter-final race.

    Redmond started well in the semifinal, but about 150 meters into the race his hamstring snapped, and he collapsed in agony.

    Medical personnel rushed to his aid, but Redmond waved them off. He struggled to his feet and began to hobble around the track. He was going to finish the race.

    Cheers rang out for the actual winner of the race, but then the crowd of ­sixty-five thousand in the stadium began to comprehend the drama unfolding of a solitary figure limping in agony toward the finish. The spectators rose as one to encourage the courageous athlete. Another official offered help and was brushed away. Suddenly, a man broke through security and ran onto the track.

    It was Derek Redmond’s father. Derek heard a familiar voice and recognized this helper. He buried his face in his father’s chest and sobbed.

    Jim Redmond told his son that he was loved and didn’t have to do this. But Derek set his eyes toward the finish and simply said, “Yes, I do.”

    His father replied, “Then we will finish this together.”

    Leaning on his father’s shoulder, Derek Redmond limped to the finish line. Near the end Jim let his son go so he could cross the finish line on his own. A standing ovation greeted Redmond. The Olympic records state that Derek Redmond did not finish, because he received help. I would argue that no Olympian has ever finished better than Derek Redmond. He refused to let adversity keep him from the prize of finishing the race. Not winning. Finishing. That is such a beautiful image of how our earthly race often looks. I suspect that many who achieve heavenly standing ovations will finish with a limp and with eyes focused solely on Jesus.

    That is how I see my race that Paul describes so beautifully.

    Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (Philippians 3:13-14)

    There is one huge difference in this story and our journey with God. Derek’s father had to join him on the track. Our Father God is with us every step of the way. We don’t always feel that or believe that to be true.

    It is true.

    I can make it to life’s finish line no matter how that final lap looks. When I fall or am hurt again, I know that I can bury my face in the comforting chest of Abba Father and we will ­finish together. And I can joyfully receive the amazing heavenly prize granted through the finished work of Jesus.

    Thank you Lord! We can do this!