Charisa Stories

Tag: Jesus

Concerned? Of course. Afraid? No.

Watching the news about the potential impact of the Covid-19 virus is depressing and frightening. It is so easy to react with fear about the future. But I can’t get around a constant message from our Lord.

Do not be afraid.

Over 80 times you find the phrase “do not be afraid” in the Bible. Perhaps the most relevant example is when Jesus was preparing His followers for His departure. His words are a comforting balm for us today.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 12:27)

I am concerned about how this pandemic is affecting the world, our country and those I hold dear. But I am not afraid. Honest followers of Jesus know that suffering, hardship, and trials are a part of a fallen world and the refining process of His redeeming grace. Peter was addressing the attacks from the enemy but these words fit perfectly today.

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. I Peter 5:10, NLT

Indeed.

One of my Dad’s favorite songs comes to mind. “I Know Who Holds Tomorrow” was written in 1950 by a traveling preacher named Ara Stanphill. He wrote the song during a time of agony and extraordinary doubt in his life. Stanphill’s wife battled addiction and left him for other men. You could imagine the gossip that followed him in that era. In the depths of his sadness he began to hum a tune and the next thing he knew he was singing a song. He sang about not knowing what was in the future but knowing that God was with him every step of the way. He rushed to his piano when he arrived at his office and jotted down the words. I remember hearing Faron Young sing these lyrics on a scratchy vinyl record with my Dad.

I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

I believe those words. I don’t know what is going to happen. I am concerned but not afraid. I am also a little peeved that I am more than old enough to be a part of the the high risk group. How did that happen? I will be smart about my health and the health of others. I will follow the directives of medical and political leaders. I will trust in the efforts of caring health professionals to get us through this. But I will put my hope in Jesus. Paul put it well in his letter to the Romans.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39, NLT)

My friend John Frost texted these words to me this week. “Fear is the virus. Faith is the vaccine.” He was not diminishing the risk or the need to be concerned. He was simply acknowledging what every Christian needs to affirm in this season. We do not need to be afraid. I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.

March 15, 2020
Which Voice Are You Listening To?

The number one Christian recording for 2019 was Lauren Daigle’s song “You Say”. The lyrics perfectly describe the battle that most of us fight to believe that what God says about us is true. Here is a sample of her powerful lyrics.

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know…

I wrote about this topic in my book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.

I am drawn to wounded and dysfunctional people like a moth to light. When I hear their stories, I see a familiar pattern. They tend to believe that all the old junk in their lives is still true about them in God’s eyes. Too many followers of Jesus cannot believe they are a new and holy creation.
Recently I saw a T-shirt with this message: “Even if the voices in my head aren’t real they do have some good ideas”.
I got an initial chuckle out of that one. But then I thought, Wait! The voices in my head rarely have good ideas.
I suspect that is true for some of you as well. Sadly, the voices in our heads are real, formidable foes, voices that were programmed from childhood. Negative comments from parents, teachers, coaches, siblings, friends, fellow Christians, and assorted others have laid down deeply grooved tracks in my self-image soundtrack mix. Favorite cuts like these are always cued and ready to be played.
“You will never change.”
“What were you thinking?”
“I can’t believe you did that again.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“I am so disappointed in you.”
And the number one accusation on my personal Top 10 countdown . . .
“How could you be so stupid?”
That one cued up and replayed just this weekend when I locked my rental car keys in the trunk. When you mess up, the voices begin. And then your own voice joins the chorus. “It is true. I am not worthy. I am not enough. I am stupid. I don’t deserve to be loved.”
When you face disappointment, rejection, failure, loss, and trials, self-incriminating remarks flood your mind.
Why wasn’t I a better (pick one) spouse/friend/brother/sister/relative?”
“If I had done (insert action), this would not have happened.”
“Why didn’t I (insert missed opportunity) when I had the chance?”
“Why did I (pick one or more) work too much/travel too much/whatever too much when I should have been there?”
If I may lean on my sports background here, Satan calls the all-out blitz when people of faith go through seasons of trial and doubt. He delights in accusing and trying to rock the very foundation of your faith. Satan is, always has been, and always will be a liar. You have learned to never trust a liar at work or in other relationships. How much more should we pray to recognize and reject the lies that Satan attacks us with during adversity?
There is another voice. It is much softer and requires more effort to hear. It is not a voice of shame. It is a voice of hope, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and grace. You have to slow way down and be quiet to hear this voice.

Lauren Daigle’s lyrics describe this voice poetically.

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe

All of us hear those voices from the enemy. The voices from bad experiences in our past may require counseling to help erase them. But for the everyday challenges of the journey, I have learned that the voice we tend to hear first in the spiritual battle is the loud one. Step back, be still, and listen for the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit.

Our God is a God of forgiveness. We need to fix our eyes on Jesus. Don’t lose heart. Don’t allow the enemy to keep you from leaning on God for comfort because of your shame. That is not from the Lord.

In John we read this amazing promise.

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. (John 1:12, NLT)

Don’t believe the lies. You are a child of God. Beloved. As Lauren Daigle sings this truth I pray that we will believe it today.

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity,

It is true. Believe it.

Excerpts taken from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

March 2, 2020
A House Divided Cannot Stand…The Choice is Ours

I used to joke that it is hard to find a good Evangelical math teacher because the only thing they completely understand is division. I am not sure I think that is humorous anymore as I watch the heartbreaking division in the body of believers that I love and call family.

My head explodes when I allow myself to wade into the discourse between followers of Jesus Christ on Twitter and other social media. I will stipulate that often the topic being discussed is valuable and important. I get frustrated that the threads that gain traction are rarely the most important message we should be proclaiming as ambassadors of Christ.

For example, a dust-up between author/speaker Beth Moore and pastor John MacArthur exploded on social media last fall and continues to be contentious. Beth Moore and many other women that I deeply respect have advocated for the increased role of women in church leadership and as expositors in the pulpit. This article by author/professor Sandra Glahn is a thoughtful perspective. These sisters in the faith argue that women bring perspective and insight to the teaching of God’s Word that is valuable and can be overlooked. I happen to agree with most of their arguments. Other scholars that I also respect have objections to this position.

Fine.

Let us reason with one another with loving and graceful dialogue. Because of the nature of social media a topic that should be thoughtfully and biblically debated instead becomes an us versus them war. The discourse easily drifts toward broad brushing of large segments of the body of Christ with unfair assignation of motives.

These judgements of motives and personal attacks are so damaging to the message of grace that I hold so dear. Sometimes I try to imagine myself as a skeptical seeker looking to read something about this Christianity thing. I am pretty sure if I stumbled on some of these mean-spirited threads I would run straight for the secular hills.

The irony of this need to “win” the argument at the expense of Christian charity and love may be one more profoundly effective tactic of the enemy. Paul noted that God’s sovereignty can take any proclamation of the Gospel and use it for His glory.

It’s true that some are preaching out of jealousy and rivalry. But others preach about Christ with pure motives. ¹⁶They preach because they love me, for they know I have been appointed to defend the Good News. ¹⁷Those others do not have pure motives as they preach about Christ. They preach with selfish ambition, not sincerely, intending to make my chains more painful to me. ¹⁸But that doesn’t matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice. Phillipians 1:15-18

I hope that most of us wish to communicate the incredibly liberating forgiveness of the Gospel. I hope that most of us wish to be accurate in that communication. But I also hope that most of us wish to be gracious, kind, loving, and thoughtful toward all in the body who desire to celebrate Jesus.

I am committed to not attacking fellow communicators of the Good News. God can use their efforts and their motives are between them and God.

When asked what the most important commandment was Jesus replied without hesitation.

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.”

And he added a second part…”Be accurate and make sure others are accurate at all costs.”

Hardly. His convicting command is well known.

The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.”

Don’t hijack my point. Accuracy is important but you cannot love your neighbor as yourself with condescension, assigning of bad motives, attacks on appearance, and smug righteousness.

Researchers believe that more than 2 billion people identify as Christians around the globe. Imagine the impact of the body of Christ deciding to throw aside all that divides us and unite on the one thing that should unite every single one of that 2 billion plus number.

Jesus.

What if we decided to spend all of our energy proclaiming that the Son of God came to earth as a human, lived a sinless life, was crucified as a sacrifice for my sin and yours and then was resurrected to show the ultimate victory over sin and death.

What if we decided to be a little kinder, give a little more, serve a little more often, and commit to unity in our ranks. Joni Erickson Tada has been a quadriplegic for over fifty years yet her joy exceeds most of us when we have a hangnail. She had this to say about unity.

“Believers are never told to become one; we already are one and are expected to act like it.”

Famous preacher Charles Spurgeon understood how key division is to Satan’s strategy to thwart the message of the Gospel.

“Satan always hates Christian fellowship; it is his policy to keep Christians apart. Anything which can divide saints from one another he delights in. He attaches far more importance to godly intercourse than we do. Since union is strength, he does his best to promote separation.”

I have reached the conclusion that lack of unity is the single biggest problem in the universal church and, of course, in our individual fellowships. When a major league baseball team starts to lose games regularly, it is said to have “bad clubhouse chemistry.” That’s a fancy way of saying, “This team doesn’t get along, and the players don’t work well together.” How sad that “congregational chemistry” has the same effect on winning…only our losses are eternal.

I love these oft quoted principles of Christian living.

In essentials, Unity. In non-essentials, Liberty. In everything, Love.

What would the impact of the Gospel be if we lived by that simple little credo? Satan knows all too well how a world shown God’s love and grace would respond. So the enemy reminds us of grudges both real and enhanced.

There is no more powerful community than a group of believers who live in unity. Nothing levels the playing field like genuinely following Jesus.

Famous preacher D.L. Moody had this warning. “I have never yet known the Spirit of God to work where the Lord’s people were divided.”

The One that unites us is so much more important than the things that divide us. Can we commit to pray for unity in the body of Christ? The choice is ours.

February 24, 2020
Is Civility On Life Support?

This was a culturally depressing week for most of us. The events in Washington led to heart wrenching rounds of name calling and hate. My thoughts today are focused on how a follower of Jesus should represent His amazing grace in the often graceless medium of social media. We have a higher calling that should be taken seriously and prayerfully.

Inflammatory rhetoric has debate in America on life support. I wish I could be more optimistic about its recovery. Guests on television news shows yell over one another. Hosts interrupt. Debaters mug with condescending smirks in the other TV box while a guest makes his or her case. Heaven forbid that we listen to those we disagree with to understand their point of view.

Social media makes cowards courageous and the anonymity of cyberspace can make the mean spirited downright evil. I have watched with sadness as Twitter tyrants have destroyed or severely damaged people and institutions. Sometimes the venom is directed at those who simply have a sincere difference of opinion on moral issues. Complex issues are often reduced to talking points. Debate is about winning and not exchanging ideas.

Nothing seems to generate more glee than a Christian leader or institution failing. Without fail the hypocrite word is used with smug satisfaction.

And it is often true. Let me make this personal since I can only speak honestly for me. I am a hypocrite. I do not consistently live up to the teachings of Jesus. I fail. I sin. That is why I need a Savior and not a self-help course. I am confident not in my holiness but in the holiness of Jesus. I remember hearing a pastor say that “we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. But that doesn’t keep us from comparing distances.”

That is exactly what I used to do and still do when I forget why Jesus found it necessary to die for me! I condemned without knowing anything about that person’s wounds or struggles. I would self-righteously note that at least I haven’t said something that offensive or done that bad thing! I am not as bad as them!

So what?

Jesus made it uncomfortably clear that it doesn’t matter that my personal behavior is less offensive than another person’s actions. Whether I fall a millimeter short or miles short is meaningless. I have fallen short. I am a desperate sinner in need of a Savior. Today I asked for the Holy Spirit to examine my heart. I am not responsible for the comments of others. I am accountable for my comments and thoughts before the One who went to the Cross to win my forgiveness.

There is a familiar passage from the Gospel of John about a woman (and man) caught in sin. I wondered how Jesus might respond to today’s condemning cyber-mobs. Here is a modern version of that story.

A crowd soon gathered, and He (Jesus) sat down and taught them. As He was speaking, the teachers of politically correct speech brought a person who had been caught in the act of hateful speech. They put him in front of the crowd.
“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this man was caught in the very act of intolerance and hate speech. We say he should be fired, disgraced, and shunned. What do you say?”
They were trying to trap Him into saying something they could use against Him, but Jesus stooped down and looked at the device in His hand. They kept demanding an answer, so He typed a message that appeared on every device in the crowd simultaneously. They read the message on their screen. “All right, but let the one who has never unfairly judged another and who has never said an ugly untruth about another send the first Tweet!” Then he looked down and typed something else.
When the accusers read this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the man. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the man, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
“No, Lord,” he said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Remember that every person is precious in My sight and that I loved them enough to endure the Cross. Go and sin no more.”

Forgive me for taking liberties with such an amazing text. But I think it brings it home for us that I (and you) are often just like that mob in this fanciful story. We don’t have to win every argument. Sometimes winning is listening and understanding others. Paul had this advice to the Colossians.

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. (Colossians 4:5-6, NLT)

Live wisely with eyes wide open to opportunities to communicate with attractive grace. What a concept! Here is my prayer to communicate the truth wrapped always in grace and love.

Lord Jesus,

Forgive me for my judgement of others. Forgive me for my ugly thoughts. Forgive me for my sin of not defending others who are overlooked and oppressed. Forgive me for my mean comments about those you love dearly. And thank you for still loving me in spite of the ugly reality of my own sin. I fall on your grace today. Please remind me to use these gifts of communication only to edify, encourage and inspire and to remember Paul’s words to the Colossians.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:13-14, NLT)

Thank you for loving me. Help me to love others in the power of Your Amazing Grace.

Amen

Perhaps civility is on life support but if the body of Christ chooses to reflect His love there can still be hope.

Waking Up Slowly is my personal journey to become more connected to Go and others . I would love for you to join me on this journey.

February 10, 2020
When Trying to be a “Good Christian” Feels Like Groundhog Day

Every year they rudely awaken Punxsutawney Phil long enough for the prognosticating rodent to let us know whether six more weeks of winter awaits. Phil always looks about as happy as I do when when I am disturbed in the morning. Nearly 30 years ago a funny and underappreciated movie came on the scene. Groundhog Day told the story of a self-absorbed news reporter (redundancy alert?) that finds himself stuck in an endless repeat of the same day. Bill Murray is perfect in the role of reporter Phil Connors. Reporter Phil is less than thrilled that he has been assigned to cover Punxsutawney Phil’s annual peek outside to predict winter’s duration. He feels he is “above” such an inane assignment. Connor’s looks into the camera and cynically reports:

“This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.”

The premise of the movie is that Phil Connors realizes he is doomed to live the same day over and over and over. For Connors, Groundhog Day begins each morning at 6:00 A.M when Sonny & Cher’s “I Got You Babe” blares out from his alarm clock radio. The twist is that his (and only his) memories of the “previous” day remain intact, trapped in a seemingly endless “time loop” to repeat the same day in the same small town.

Connor has this exchange in the film.

Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That about sums it up for me.

And that brought to mind another famous Bill Murray quote…this time from Stripes.

And then depression set in.

So what is the point of these ramblings? Is it to impress you with my cerebral movie tastes? The point is that too many followers of Jesus are stuck in a Groundhog Day life of their own. They wake up every day and feel trapped in a repeating pattern of frustrating behavior. And then, depression sets in. Why is that? I lived a Groundhog Day kind of faith for years. The Apostle Paul wrote about this very thing (not the giant rodent part…the repeating behavior part) in his letter to the Romans.

I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. (Romans 7, The Message)

Wow…can I relate to that. A bit later Paul writes…I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

That is the real question. And there is a real answer offered by Paul.

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

So what can you do to get out of this sin spiral?

Nothing.

Wait! Don’t let depression set in. This is good news! You and I can’t do it. I am incapable in my own efficacy to escape my spiritual Groundhog Day. Only Jesus can enable me to escape this endless loop of frustration. Further advice from Paul follows in Chapter 8 of his amazing letter to the Romans.

But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him.

Allow the truth of that verse to soak in.

Want to get out of your Groundhog Day existence? Most readers of these humble ramblings realize they couldn’t deal with their sin separation from God on their own. We needed Jesus. So why do we think we can deal with our ongoing sin issues on our own? When the Father looks at me on my very worst day this is what He sees.

Jesus.

That is step one. I don’t have to clean up the sin to please God. He loves me already because of Jesus. Step Two. I am learning daily to recognize that the Spirit of God has taken up residence in my life. I am learning that I am the one who limits His power by restricting access and not trusting Him with my thoughts and actions. I am learning that I don’t need to wake up to the frustrating effects of repeated self-effort. I can wake up trusting God, trusting that Jesus has my sin covered and trusting that the Spirit of God will allow me to resolve that sin. Trusting God and what His Word says to be true allows me to escape the Groundhog Day syndrome.

The moral of the movie Groundhog Day was that Phil Connor needed to learn that he was self-absorbed and dependent on his selfish efforts to get ahead. The moral of the spiritual groundhog day is to learn that we cannot depend on our self efforts to live a joyful and free Christian life. I come to Jesus by grace and total dependence. I live for Jesus by grace and total dependence. While the other groundhog is busy predicting weather I would suggest you try this for the next six weeks. When the alarm jars you awake remember this truth. Instead of the Sonny and Cher song you can sing “I Got You Lord”. The two of you can end this “Groundhog Day” of frustration. I can’t help you with the weather.

My latest book, Waking Up Slowly, can be used as a 21 Day Journey to become more connected with God, one another and yourself.

No resolutions…just grace suggestions based on God’s Word. Would you join me on that journey in 2020? Click here to check it out.

February 2, 2020
Tired of Going Through the Motions?

Flying home this weekend I put the music list on shuffle and a song by the iconic Willie Nelson touched my soul. The lyrics of “Tired” caused a lot of reflection, sadness and prayer.

The narrative tells about the life of a factory worker who is merely going through the motions of life.

Married Rebecca back in seventy-seven
I still love her and I guess she loves me too
We go to church on Sundays `cause we want to go to heaven
Me and my family, ain`t that how you`re supposed to do

That describes so many people that I know. Tired of their job. Treading water in their relationship. Going to church because they don’t know what else to do. It is particularly sad that so many Christians settle for a faith that leaves them discouraged and prone to sing the chorus of this song.

But I`m tired, Lord I`m tired
Life is wearin` me smooth down to the bone
No rest for the weary, ya just move on
Tired, Lord I`m tired

This song penetrated my heart because that was me just about twelve years ago. After four decades of uneven striving I was simply tired. I was resigned to stubbornly stumbling toward the finish line so I could finally find joy in glory. The following excerpt is from the revised version of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and it reflects the change in my heart.

My fear of cheap grace and being soft on sin had led me into a dead end path of moralism and legalism. Legalism takes the sweet Gospel of Jesus Christ and mixes in some “churchified” version of the law. Church by-laws occupy equal footing with God’s Word. Righteousness is no longer about Christ but about right behavior as only they define it. Legalism cherry picks verses that support behavioral control while conveniently ignoring dozens of verses about grace, forgiveness, kindness, love, gentleness and forbearance.
Focusing on right behavior can make you moral and perhaps a good person. It does not make you righteous. Such focus is not much different (if at all) from an agnostic or sporadic church-goer who really tries hard to do right and moral things. Tim Keller wrote this provocative thought about legalism in his wonderful book The Reason for God.
The devil, if anything, prefers Pharisees—men and women who try to save themselves. They are more unhappy than either mature Christians or irreligious people, and they do a lot more spiritual damage. (Timothy Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism, Dutton Adult, 2007)
Without a doubt. I have been damaged. I have seen loved ones damaged. I have damaged others. I hate legalism but I don’t hate legalists. I hurt for them. I suspect they are as tired, miserable and wondering what happened to their once joyous message of the Gospel as I was.
Righteousness is entirely because of Christ. Nothing I have done or will do will make me righteous. I spent three decades trying to be “righteous”. When I hit a dry spell I would try harder, read more books, buck up and beat myself up because I felt so distant from God. Lots of helpful Christian friends would faithfully remind me that God hadn’t moved so it had to be me. So I disliked myself more and tried harder and God seemed even more distant. I wrote a book about what to do with lambs that are wounded by the church and THEN I got wounded again by the church. It was like God was mocking me. I had reached the end of my spiritual rope. I cried out to Jesus something deep and insightful along these lines.
“I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!”
God does not get insulted by all-caps. In fact, I picture Jesus smiling at that point because I was finally ready to trust Him and not myself. I had reached the point of brokenness that allowed me to really follow Him completely. I reached the point where I no longer had to be right. I had reached the point where I didn’t want to wear a phony mask of holiness. I had reached the point where I was willing to trust God completely with everything about me. I had reached the point where I was ready for grace. I had reached the point where I was willing to believe what God says is true about me. That I am completely forgiven. I am completely loved. I am completely changed because of Christ. I am completely empowered with the Holy Spirit to mature into all of those things that are already true about me. I am righteous not because of anything I have done but entirely because of Christ.
If you are tired enough, discouraged enough, wounded enough and ready to scream you can’t do this anymore then I have good news. You have reached the point where you are ready for grace. God is waiting for you to experience His grace. Legalism is a dead end street to misery. There is a better road. What have you got to lose?

Meditate on the familiar passage from Matthew 11 as translated in The Message.

Come to me, all of you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

You can read about my grace journey in Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace or When Bad Christians Happen to Good People.

January 27, 2020
The Redwood Forest Holds a Key to Community

My home church challenged me (and I suppose the rest of the congregation) with a thought provoking theme for 2020.

Life On Purpose

Pastor Jeff Denton and the staff at Waterbrook Bible Fellowship will be emphasizing being intentional about the important things in our lives. Real growth in relationships, faith, and maturity usually doesn’t just happen. My default is to go with the flow and the rationalizations for that are frighteningly easy.

“Officer, I didn’t mean to speed and break the law. I was just going with the flow of traffic.” Think about that. My defense is that everybody else is breaking the law. Therefore, I am innocent.

Since the Garden if Eden the automatic answer to sin and shortcomings is that it is someone else’s fault. That may be true at times. But that thinking will never result in becoming like Jesus. So I have to be intentional about confronting my own heart. Change is hard. Sharing my need to change with others is even harder.

Several years ago I took the risk to trust three men with everything about me. We call ourselves the Redwood Brothers based on a unique characteristic of California’s redwood trees. A redwood alone in a forest might look magnificent but the first strong wind could destroy it. You see, the coastal redwoods have shallow root systems and cannot survive a storm alone. Their roots extend over one hundred feet from the base but just broadening the root base is not what makes these beautiful trees capable of surviving the worst storms. They stand strong by intertwining their roots with the roots of other redwoods. The winds are now taking on an entire stand of trees and not a single redwood. No matter how majestic those trees might appear God designed them to need other trees to survive the storms.

That is exactly how we are designed. That describes the relationship I have forged with the three other men who gather every year to share weaknesses, fears, and frustrations. We are men who desire to follow Christ faithfully and love our wives and families well. Yet we, too, can have shallow root systems, and we need the strength of one another as we go through strong winds and floods together. Sharing our imperfect journeys in a safe space has resulted in remarkable breakthroughs. We have experienced what my friend John Lynch wrote about in The Cure.

“What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more In the telling of it?”

Dropping the pretense and engaging in real conversation about the difficulties of this journey with other honest wayfarers is a real way to become more like Jesus.

The need for church community is clear. But it’s even more important to look at what Jesus modeled. Jesus knew hundreds of people. He traveled with dozens. He sent out seventy. He discipled twelve. And He invested deeply in three. Jesus’ inner circle consisted of Peter, James, and John. He confided in these three men on a deeper and more profound level than any of the other disciples. I’ve found the same results in my own life. My greatest growth has taken place since I risked trusting a small group of men.

Legendary professor Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary says that every man needs three different types of individuals in his life: a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. Paul is the older man who will mentor you and offer you his experience. It has been hard for me to find older men these days, but I have been blessed with several over the years. Timothy is the young man whom you build into. But it’s Barnabas whom I track with the most, aptly described by Hendricks.

A Barnabas is a soul brother, somebody who loves you but is not impressed by you. Somebody to whom you can be accountable. Somebody who’s willing to keep you honest, who’s willing to say, “Hey, man, you’re neglecting your wife, and don’t give me any guff!”

What a great description of a true friend. Someone who loves you but is not impressed with you. Believe me these men are not impressed with me. But they love me. They want the best for me. They tell me the truth because I trust them with me and I have given them permission to speak truth with grace. I keep emphasizing the grace part. That is how God desires our community to look. I can only receive real love from you to the extent that you know the truth about who I really am.

We all have blind spots in our hearts. I need a person who loves me enough to gently point them out.

I hope you will find the courage to carefully trust someone with everything that is true about you. Maybe it starts with you being that person for someone else, to begin to see how it looks in practice. Finding a friend can be daunting and even paralyzing. Being a friend is something that all of us can do. We need each other. I hope you take the risk to be known. I give the last word(s) to Paul and his message to the church on Colossae. Marinate in these thoughts today.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives.

Colosssians 3:10-16, NLT

Portions of this article from my book Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace.

January 20, 2020