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When you input the word humor into the Google database you will receive a staggering 209 million hits. I decided to narrow that with a restrictive qualifier like “philosophical humor”. That apparent buzz killing phrase still generated over 17,000 hits. So it was with some interest that I entered the ultimate oxymoron into the Google engine. “Cancer humor”. That narrowed the responses to about 5,000. To give you a feel for how low this is in Google world…you can type in “infield fly rule” and get 111,000 hits.

One of the life lessons that Joni and I are learning on her/our cancer journey is the truth of the wise king who wrote this classic lament.

There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

I will have to confess I first learned these truths courtesy of  The Byrds in 1965. With lyrics by Solomon (King) and Seeger (Pete) the song Turn! Turn! Turn! was a favorite of mine during my confused journey into adolescence. But the truth of the words of King Solomon beautifully adapted by Seeger and colleagues is resonating with me today. I would suggest that a fair percentage of our journey so far could be wrapped up in verses three and four above.

a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

This summarizes the weird cycle of chemotherapy. The chemo kills the rapidly dividing cells and then the other drugs stimulate white cells to regain strength. I wrote about the odd concept of poison for healing in a recent post. But the essence of this rambling is contained in the next verse…

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

That says it all in a nutshell of ancient wisdom. There has been a lot of weeping. We have exhausted our annual Kleenex budget with seven months still left in the financial year. And that has been good. God has giving us the gift of weeping. It is cleansing and therapeutic and men ought to get a little better at that truth. There may be no crying in baseball but there is crying when your wife and best friend is facing cancer. There was mourning. We accepted the reality of her disease. We trusted in a God that has proven trustworthy. But we mourned the loss of blessed routine. Our lives would be turned upside down for a very long time. There will be a time to dance when we finish treatment and when we celebrate the five year anniversary of diagnosis. But perhaps the most overlooked tool is the gift of humor – the time to laugh.

Joni and I have determined to find a time to laugh through this cancer journey. I have purchased a couple of t-shirts for Joni from a company called Cafepress (Not all designs are this site are, shall we say, edifying. Proceed with caution). One has a befuddled little happy face with the words, “I’ve got CHEMO BRAIN…What’s your excuse?”  Other shirts have an in your face attitude that some might consider dark but I believe represents the spirit of hope and trust and resolve. One company is called gotCancer?org and they have a wonderful slogan…”Laughing in Cancer’s Face!” I might modify that to read “Cancer’s Ugly Face” but the point remains the same. A couple of their designs are definitely for those with a sense of humor.

The shirts are available at the gotcancer?org website.

There is a time to laugh…even in the face of cancer. Joni and I were laughing today about an incident that happened last night. This was the weekend of the lost follicles. Joni’s hair starting coming out and she got the buzz cut on Monday. That same night she went to an event wearing her new wig. A woman came up to her and said, “I love what you’ve done with your hair! What have you done?”

I asked Joni if she had shared  how this admirer could have the same look. It is really very simple. Just have a port surgically installed. Begin chemo. Wait two weeks. Remove remaining hair. Don wig. Voila! New look!

On the day of Joni’s first chemotherapy we felt some understandable trepidation. The unknown is the worst part of this journey. Then a wonderful brother in Christ showed up unexpectedly at the Oncology office. And there in the midst of our uncertainty we laughed and joked and talked. I am convinced that God used this servant to bring joy to us before the storm. When we made it to the chair Joni’s pulse and blood pressure were pretty normal. I suspect the dose of therapeutic laughter and joy were a big part of that.

It is easy for those in the valley and for those around them to discard the gift of humor. Sometimes we almost consider it a Godly thing to be somber. I would suggest that laughter is one of God’s most precious gifts in the healing process. We have committed to not waste our cancer. But we have also committed to laugh during this trial as we put our trust in the One who bestowed that wonderful gift. There is a time for laughter. Don’t forget to make time for it.

 

I finally got around to reading the DaVinci Code this weekend. I figured I might as well add my contribution to the DaVinci Over Load hysteria that is sweeping our land. Seriously…I suspect the US economy is growing in large part because of the cottage industry that is the DaVinci Code. I stopped by a book retailer this weekend and they had three full tables of DOL (DaVinci Over Load) stuff. Try DaVinci Code on Google and you will get over 9 million hits. To be honest, I am already tired of this before the movie even comes out this weekend. But when I dug into the controversy I was fascinated.

I wanted to be intellectually honest when I am asked about the book. I know that Dan Brown will be fascinated with my critiques because I only need to sell another 39, 975,000 copies of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People to be dead even in sales with Brown. I just need everyone in my beloved home state of Ohio (Go Bucks!) to buy a copy. That will increase my tally by over 11 million. Then if every Longhorn in my adopted state of Texas buys just one solitary copy I will have a total of 34 million. To be honest, I will settle for that. I don’t have to be even with Mr.Brown. I am that selfless.

So here is my contribution to the DaVinci Over Load.

• It’s a good read. I suppose you don’t sell forty million copies of a bad read but this is truly a page turning thriller. At times the plot is a bit implausible but I enjoyed the book very much.
  
• It is fiction but the line is dangerously blurred. I found myself being inclined to believe certain outrageous claims because they were logically proclaimed by likable characters. But since I have a rather large stake in this whole following Jesus thing I made notes to go back and investigate many of the claims later.
  
• I feel encouraged that Christians are generally engaging the debate and not burning torches and demanding a boycott.
  
• I feel very encouraged that a novel and movie that promotes what is clearly heresy to many Christians is being civilly debated and discussed. Ask Salmon Rushdie about his experience with a similar fictional approach to faith.
  
• I was amazed at how glaring some of the errors were in Brown’s declaration of “facts”. One amazing goof is this statement at the very begining of the book. The heading of the page is FACT. And on that page this statement appears.

“The Priory of Sion – a European secret society founded in 1099 – is a real organization.”  

Brown got one thing right. It is a real organization. But the Priory of Sion was founded in 1956! I have researched some things poorly over the years but plus or minus a millenium is not a very good standard. Dan Brown apparently accepted at face value some premises that have been proven false by scholars on all sides of the debate. The Priory of Sion was founded by Pierre Plantard and Andre Bonhomme a mere 857 years after the date Brown proclaimed as a fact. Then he adds the following “fact”.

“In 1975 Paris’s Bibliotheque Nationale discovered parchments known as Les Dossiers Secrets, identifying numerous members of the Priory of Sion, including Sir Isaac Newton, Botticelli, Victor Hugo, and Leonardo da Vinci.”

What they discovered were forged documents placed there by Plantard. The more one does research the more one comes to value the simplicity of the website Wikipedia.org, which accurately summarized and corroborated hours of independent research.

Plantard began writing a manuscript and produced “parchments” (created by his friend, Philippe de Cherisey) that a local priest had supposedly discovered whilst renovating his church. These forged documents purportedly showed the survival of the Merovingian line of Frankish kings. Between 1961 and 1984 Plantard contrived a mythical pedigree of the Priory of Sion. This can be easily proved to be historical fiction because the various claims as found in the Priory Documents never existed before the early 1960s in any shape or form, and cannot be substantiated from the known historical records. Furthermore, letters in existence dating from the 1960s written by Pierre Plantard, Philippe de Cherisey and Gerard de Sede to each other confirm that the three were engaging in an out-and-out confidence trick, describing schemes on how to combat criticisms of their various allegations and how they would makeup new allegations to try and keep the whole thing going.

These were among the “facts” that Brown used as a foundation for his story. When the “Secret Files” were exposed as a forgery by French researchers and authors, Plantard acknowledged that the above mentioned list was a fraud. In 1989, however, he tried to make a comeback and revive the Priory of Sion by publishing a second list of Priory Grand Masters. Incredible! But wait, there is much more.

• I was interested in his take on the Council of Nicene. Brown got that mostly wrong as well. Fellow Crosswalk blogger Albert Mohler summarizes nicely the errors of Brown’s statements.

Constantine supposedly called the Council of Nicaea in 325 in order to invent the idea of Christ’s divinity (and celibacy) and then turn out the heretics, thus burying the real story of Jesus (and Mary Magdalene) forever.  “It’s all about power,” one character explains. That’s why Constantine “upgraded Jesus’ status.”

And the Council of Nicaea?  There, The DaVinci Code reveals, the Emperor led the bishops to declare Jesus as the Son of God by a vote.  “A relatively close vote at that,” the text elaborates. The real Council of Nicaea adopted a creed in order to reject the heretical teachings of one Arius, who taught that Jesus was not of the same substance as the Father.  Brown weaves fact and fiction with such recklessness that the average reader will assume all these claims to be factual.

The Council of Nicaea did not “invent” the divinity of Jesus.  This was already the declaration of the Church, claimed by Jesus himself and proclaimed by the apostles.  The council boldly claimed this as the faith of the Church and named Arianism as a heresy and Arians as heretics.  A close vote?  Only two out of more than 300 bishops failed to sign the creed.  Not exactly a cliff-hanger.

The Council was never convened for the purpose of deciding if Jesus was divine. At this point I could safely relegate the book into into it’s proper place on my bookshelves. Fiction. I could go on and on with other factual errors or interpretive stretches. Clearly this book should not be taken at face value on any historical claim. Do the research.

Why the title of  “Thank you, Dan Brown”? Because, like most average human beings who are stumbling their way through this journey with Jesus, I had not taken the time to study these issues. Thanks to Mr.Brown I have spent a lot more time investigating early church history, the foundation of the Bible, and other critical issues brought to the forefront by The Da Vinci Code. Made me look, Dan! And I am comfortable with what I have found. So thank you Dan Brown!

Whether you decide to see the movie or not why not take the time to do a little investigation of your own. We read the following in Isaiah.

“Come now, let us reason together,”
       says the LORD.

What a blessed relief to have that attitude among most of Christendom about these issues. God will use this movie and this book for His purpose. We just need to be informed and available.

 

 

 

 

Dear friends Nelson and Suzie deserted us to go live in the Texas Hill Country. We have tried to lure them back with Biblical admonitions.

 “You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north.”  Deuteronomy 2:3
(The reference is for the other readers Nelson…I know you have Deuteronomy memorized)

But they have ignored our wisdom and have settled in the rolling hills between Austin and San Antonio. One of our friend’s challenges of country living was making sure that their dog Pepper would not wander away. Pepper is about 10 pounds of pure attitude. 

He needed to be safely restrained from animals that were not intimidated by blustering small packages. So Nelson installed an underground fence to keep Pepper at bay. For those who don’t know about this innovation, underground fencing is a wired perimeter with a radio antenna. When the dog approaches the wired boundary it sends out a signal that activates a battery in the dog’s collar. The battery causes a shock similar to static electricity, and the dog backs off. The field of radio waves can be adjusted so that the dog does not get too close to the edge of the property before hearing the warning tone.

The collars have settings from 1 to 6 with the highest being a pretty good little shock. Pepper sailed through the restraining area when his collar was set on 2. So Nelson decided to skip right by setting 3 and go directly to 4. He reported that the new dance that Pepper invented demonstrated that four might be a tad high and the optimal setting became 3. But there is an interesting aspect to the “invisible fence”. (Note: Invisible Fence is a trademarked brand name developed by Richard Peck in the mid-70’s and they are still a leader manufacturer of the systems).

The dog remembers what happened the last time he went near the boundary so they often never venture to try again. Some owners report that they take off the collar and the dog remains unwilling to try to leave the yard because of that “shocking” memory. It occured to me that Satan operates a lot like that in lives of Christians. Once we have been shocked by a bad experience with a bad Christian or jolted by a relationship gone bad we tend to remember the invisible fence. And we are forever restrained by that invisible fence. We read God’s Word and we know (intellectually) that we need to cross that boundary to confront and repair those relationships and fears.

But I remember the pain. I am afraid that if I approach that person again I might get hurt all over again. Who knows…maybe they will turn their setting up a notch or two and it will only hurt more. I start believing that if I cross the boundary to repair a relationship I will just get shocked one more time. Why should I even try? 

But the reality is that God has given us the Holy Spirit and He can take the batteries out of the collar of bondage we choose to wear. And I have come to realize that it is a choice we make. That collar has no power to hurt or shock or restrain us. We only think it does. And we remain constrained and defeated by an invisible fence that Satan has constructed. Paul exhorted the church in Rome to dare to be different. Take chances. Love and serve one another. And if someone does hurt you the justice belongs, not to you or me, but to God.

Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically. Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God’s children are in need, be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night. If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written,   

    “I will take vengeance;
       I will repay those who deserve it,”
       says the Lord.

Instead, do what the Scriptures say:
   
    “If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
    If they are thirsty, give them something to drink,
       and they will be ashamed of what they have done to you.”

Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.  Romans 12 NLT

Paul was a smart guy. He knew human nature. He knew this wasn’t an easy assignment. But he believed it was possible and so do I. But it takes individual responsibility and courage and trust in Jesus. I have been recently restrained by the invisible fences. I have decided to take the risk and try again. If I get zapped again that is the risk I have chosen to take. But I suspect the barrier is in my mind and God has cleared the way if I move in obedience and trust.

I would wager most of you have an invisible fence or two in your life. Can you trust Jesus enough to venture out in faith to conquer whatever is keeping you restrained in your spirit? Don’t allow it to hinder your joy or your influence for the Lord. What’s in for you and me?

 Now, the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. I Cor 3  NLT

The Spirit of the Lord does not desire for us to be fenced in by the bondage of fear and by invisible fences. To quote the late Ronald Reagan…”Tear down that fence!”

An interesting note in a recent edition of The Week magazine featured two short blurbs about the art of resume writing. One company that does background checks has found that well over half of all resumes contain false information. Background Information Services has found that most people stretch the truth about their work and educational credentials.

This one hit close to home for me. A few years ago I was asked to write a bio that would be sent out with a press kit for my new book, When Bad Christians Happen to Good People. My educational background was, to be very kind, inconsistent. I was attention deficit before it was cool. Instead of having accommodations and testing and medication I was called into the guidance counselor’s office and chastised for underachieving and laziness. Those are indeed great motivators. I loved the line from Donald Miller’s new book To Own a Dragon. Miller was describing the difficulties of paying attention in school.

“I felt I was on a merry-go-round, hearing every fifth sentence. The rest of the time I wondered what a civilization of puppets would use for currency.”

That, ladies and gentlemen, is my brain. I just spent about ten minutes wondering what the puppets would use for currency. Maybe string.

At any rate, I survived high school with good enough grades to pass. With a clean slate I enrolled in Marietta College with a determination to show I could do well academically. I stayed interested for one semester and did well, even making the correct Dean’s List for a change. After proving I could accomplish that goal my interest promptly turned to ping pong, pinball, and Strat-o-matic baseball for the second semester. Not surprisingly, I dropped out after my freshman year.

As I examined my educational credentials for my bio here is what I had to put on the table.

College drop out.
Marginal ping pong player.
1972 high game on the Play Ball pinball machine – Student Center, Marietta College

Not exactly Algonquin Round Table material. I would have loved to embellish the old academic credentials. But it was like my grandpa used to say when he noted that you can’t polish a, uhhhh, well never mind what grandpa used to say. The point is my academic career was spotty. Like Donald Miller I found my refuge in reading and research. I did learn that you never stop learning. And I realized the miracle of how God can use anyone, even a slacker like me. Getting puffed up with pride is not an option for me when it comes to my academic credentials.

Had I known about a company called fakeresume.com I could have pumped up the old resume a bit. The site offers a resume “tune up” that shows you how to fill in gaps in your resume, get fake references, and even get transcripts from any university with the GPA you want. Here is the rationalization taken directly from the firm’s website.

•  The bottom line is if you know you can do the job, then why shouldn’t you fluff up your resume a bit?  We all know a great deal of people who have held jobs that they were not qualified to have.  Yet there they were day in and day out collecting big paychecks while other people corrected their frequent mistakes. This underground guide will teach you how to take your real life experience and embellished on them so you get the job you deserve.
  
• Can this be considered lying?  Perhaps, but don’t you deserve a shot at a job you know you can do?
  
• What about your prospective employer’s honesty?  How open and honest are they to their employees and future employees?  Anyone who’s read the newspaper or watched the evening news has witnessed the lack of integrity that runs rampant in today’s corporate world. In my experience very few employers will fully reveal any unpleasant details affecting the positions they advertise. 

Why not “fluff up” the qualifications? As long as you know you can do the job that’s okay, isn’t it? Lying? Well if you are going to get all nit picky you could say it’s lying. But I would simply suggest that you drag out the best rationalization of all for sinning. The gold standard of rationlization is justifying one sinful act because of another sinful act someone else commits. Companies are dishonest? Then you can be dishonest too. That merely levels the situational ethics playing field, right?  The website has subheadings like “how much should you lie on your resume” and “how not to arouse suspicion”.

I have the answers to those questions and I feel pretty confident these are biblically accurate.

How much should you lie on your resume?    Zero
How not to arouse suspicion? Tell the truth

In Proverbs you will find this timeless wisdom.

Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed. Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace! Proverbs 12  NLT

Mark Twain was exactly right when he said, “when you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”

So here is my resume with no embellishment.

Education:           One year of college
Degrees:              None
Honors:               None
Clubs/societies:    Member of Sam’s Club
Job experience:    Twenty three years of Texas Rangers baseball telecasts (enough bad pitching for three lifetimes)

Personal:     Child of God and Follower of Jesus
                   Devoted husband of Joni (30 years this summer)
                   Proud father of three wonderful men
                   and two beautiful daughter-in-laws
                   Blessed with wonderful friends and work associates
                  
Sometimes I wish the top half of my resume could be “tuned up” a little. But the personal portion of my personnel file is what matters. And there I am blessed beyond words…and that is no embellishment.
                  

 

Last Friday I published a gently read post from last year about the ridiculous warning labels that manufacturers feel compelled to print because we, the citizens of this planet, are stupid. How else could you explain needing to explain that you should remove the child before folding a baby stroller? If I neglected to do that I would have to put a warning label on my wife’s shoe. “Remove from derriere before sitting after folding child in stroller.”

I am really not excited to report that we are not getting any smarter but the folks at Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch are having a blast chronicling the slow and agonizing death of common sense. This year’s winners of the Wacky Warning Label Contest are in. The contest, now in its ninth year, is conducted to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products.

So enjoy this years winners starting with the runners-up.

• A cocktail napkin with a small map of the waterways around Hilton Head, South Carolina carries this wise advice : Caution – Not to be used for navigation. Maybe Gilligan and the Skipper had a couple of Mai Tais and used the cocktail napkin on that three hour cruise.
  
  
• The $250 second place award went to Jam Sardar of Grand Rapids, Michigan for a label on a kitchen knife that warns: Never try to catch a falling knife. Everytime a knife falls I end up at the emergency room! What is wrong with these knives?
  
  
• Kirk Dunham of Seabrook, Texas gets an honorable mention for a warning label he found on a bottle of dried bobcat urine made to keep rodents and other pests away from garden plants. It says: Not for human consumption. That might be the most unnecessary label in history for yours truly. This human would use gloves to even touch this bottle.
  
  
• Another honorable mention goes to Lyne Anton of Elk, California who found the following warning label on a baking pan: Ovenware will get hot when used in oven. Really? I noticed pans get hot in the oven too. Maybe there is a trend here…hmmm.

But the grand prize winner goes to a heat gun and paint remover that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees and warns:  Do not use this tool as a hair dryer. I would suspect that you would figure this out relatively quickly. “Honey, is that ovenware getting hot again? I smell something burning. Never mind, dear, I just melted my hair. I wish they would have warned me not to use a paint removing heat gun on my head.”

“Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times,” said Robert B. Dorigo Jones, M-LAW president. “An unpredictable legal system – in which judges allow anyone to file a lawsuit on almost any theory – has created a need for product makers to plaster wacky warnings on everything.” Humor columnist Dave Barry wrote about this trend. “Fortunately, I live in the United States of America, where we are gradually coming to understand that nothing we do is ever our fault, especially if it is really stupid.” 

And these warning labels are a sign that too many of us are unwilling to take any personal responsibility for our actions. We are the culture of “not at fault”. There is “no fault” auto insurance and “no fault” divorce. A child learns to say “it’s not my fault” right after they learn to say “no.” The “not at fault” mindset has crept into the body of Christ as well. For too many people nothing is ever their fault. We seem to have lost the ability to simply say “I was wrong. Please forgive me.” Instead we do the dreaded apology light. You know the syndrome. Some people can only say the words “I am sorry” if that phrase is immediately followed by a gigantic but (that would be one “t”).

Whenever I see or hear the gigantic “but” I tend to discount the apology.
I am sorry but I was having a bad day.
Forgive me for my words but I was really tired and not feeling well.
I shouldn’t have reacted but the other person was rude.
I overreacted but he pushed my buttons (whatever that means). Blah, blah, blah, blah.

We have allowed our American idea of rights to infiltrate the church. The confusing of rights and responsibilities is a dangerous trap for the body of Christ. Basically, being responsible for our actions is an act of love and obedience. Clearly we have a biblical responsibility to love one another. The Apostle John has some insight.
If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both. (1 John 4:20-21) The Message

The command is indeed blunt. Noted Christian author A. B. Simpson once noted that “a good way to test your love to God is by the way you treat your brother…God is more concerned by my conduct toward my brother than by my prayers to Him.” 

Amen.

Jesus said something similar to the Pharisees: “Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.” (Matthew 23:11-12)  The Message

I want my life to count for plenty. I am willing to take responsibility for my actions. If I am stupid (make that when I am stupid) I am willing to say I am wrong, I am sorry, and no buts about it.

 

Disclaimer…today was a Doctor Date with the lovely Mrs.Burchett so there was no time to write.  I have retrieved a post from the early days of this blog when I didn’t have the dozens of readers that I now claim. If this post was a used vehicle it would be described as “gently read“. So please forgive the re-run. I hope to have some freshly baked blather on Monday. Have a blessed weekend!

Occasionally  I take another step in my inevitable march toward geezerhood. You know that stage of life where you get grumpy and tell people how it used to be back in the good old days. One of the things that advances me more quickly to that stage is the attempt to make life risk free.

A group called the Michigan Law Suit Abuse Watch has an annual contest to find the stupidest product warning labels. The Wacky Warning Label Contest is in it’s eighth year and they have uncovered some beauties. They have an agenda of course. They want to point out how ridiculous and numerous lawsuits have forced product manufacturers to post warnings that are really just common sense. They don’t feel a manufacturer should have to be legally responsible for people lacking common sense.

I agree.

But that hasn’t stopped the avalanche of unbelievable warning labels. Here are some winners from other years and then we reveal the current year’s crop. Remember, these warnings actually appeared on a product. The italicized comments are mine. 

• A label on a baby stroller warns: Remove child before folding.      This had to be a guy…now a single guy.
  
• A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”  Major League pitcher John Smoltz allegedly burned his chest when he tried to touch up a shirt…while still in it!  Again…a guy.
  
• A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” Let’s just pray this is just an imaginative lawyer. If you know differently please don’t tell me.
  
• The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.” If you cannot read then how in the…sigh…never mind.
  
• A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” The invisible force field feature was just not dependable.
  
• A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”      Isn’t that the purpose of the product?
  
• A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution – Risk of Fire”    Please see above.

Now if we could have drum-roll (warning: drumsticks are for use with percussion devices and should not be used to remove ear wax)….This year’s winners are…

Third place was the following warning on a digital thermometer that can be used to take a person’s temperature several different ways: “Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.”

The $250 second place award went to Matt Johnson of Naperville, Illinois for a label on a popular scooter for children that warns: “This product moves when used.”   

And our Wackiest Warning Label for this year was found on a flushable toilet brush that warns users, “Do not use for personal hygiene”.

Ewwww.

So as I go into my grumpy geezer mode I will point out that in my day if I folded the baby in the stroller I was just a moron and not a victim of bad instructions. If I sprayed a product designed specifically to irritate eyes into my eyes I would not be surprised to experience that discomfort. In my day we would have assumed a fireplace log had a risk of fire!

You can not post enough labels to remove the risk of life. I think one of the dangerous and maybe even deceitful things that Christians communicate is that coming to faith in Jesus will make your life trouble free. Perhaps we should have a label with every presentation of the gospel.

       Caution – Jesus reports that “in this world you will have trouble”.  (Read the small print in Mark and John)

Coming to faith does not remove the trouble from our lives. Jesus is not a money back guarantee for perfect health, unlimited prosperity, and non-stop giddiness. Trouble is a part of life. Problems refine or ruin us. That is where Jesus comes in.

         I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue  to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.  The Message  John 16

That is what I have discovered in my journey with Jesus. When life delivers the inevitable I can be assured, deeply at peace, and even unshakable. NBA star Alonzo Manning faced a career ending illness but his response was interesting. “Adversity introduces a man to himself.” I would suggest that adversity introduces a person to their faith. Does it stand up to the hard times? Real faith does. Jesus came to give us real life and to help us get through the risks that living life brings. Consider yourself warned.

 

This morning I looked out in the backyard and noticed that adopted dog Hannah was vibrating. She usually only vibrates when she meets a new friend so I got a little curious. When I investigated I found that Hannah had “befriended” a box turtle that had somehow found it’s way through our fences and into our yard. The turtle seemed considerably less excited about the relationship with Hannah but he/she did seem to sense that the vibrating lab was, at worst, annoying.

A few minutes later I checked again on the turtle. The turtle had managed to fall into our pool and it was apparent that land turtles cannot swim. I looked for the leaf skimmer but we had attached the brush instead. In the meantime the poor little thing was flailing, stretching it’s neck as much as it could to break the surface, and it was clear the turtle was doomed without some help. So I jumped in and saved the turtle. I don’t want to overstate the case. I wasn’t dressed in an Armani suit with Italian loafers. I was just in shorts and a t-shirt. But I got pretty soaked in the waist deep water the turtle had fallen in. I put the turtle back on land and he simply crawled away. I dried off and wondered how many people in America rescue box turtles from pools on any given day. I might be the only one in the whole country today.

Later I reflected on the turtle’s response. Once I put him down he just went on his way. No thank you. No nod of his scaly noggin. Nothing. And I didn’t care because I didn’t rescue the turtle with any expectations that I would receive anything. It was just the right thing to do because one of God’s creatures was in distress.

That response made me wonder about some of my motives when I reach out to others. If I don’t receive a response I sometimes get perturbed. If there is not acknowledgement of my “heroics” I feel hurt or angry. When I simply do the right thing for one of God’s struggling creatures should I expect anything in return? What is my reason for helping if I do? I know the turtle was incapable of a response. Maybe some of the people we come in contact are nearly as incapable of gratitude at that point in their journey.

I liked the turtle’s response. He made me think about why I serve the Lord. Is for Him or for me? If it is for Him I won’t care if I do the right thing and the recipient just goes on their way. Solomon wrote this in Proverbs.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
       when it is in your power to act.  Prov 23  NIV

So next time you do a kind thing make that your reward. Just representing Jesus is thanks enough.