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It is with fear and trembling that I venture to comment about faith and science. I recently wrote about how I disagreed with the concept of scientifically trying to prove the effects of prayer. The article was based on my experience with people praying for my wife’s breast cancer surgery. I was a bit surprised to see a couple of sites mocking what they perceived to be my flawed logic.  I am learning that the blogosphere is best described by the late comedian Rodney Dangerfield who often said, “I’m telllin’ ya’, this is a tough room!”

So I would imagine the following article could draw the ire of the praya-haters. The story by Robert Roy Britt appeared on the LiveScience website.

So There are many things you can do to increase your life expectancy: exercise, eat well, take your medication and … go to church. A new study finds people who attend religious services weekly live longer. Specifically, the research looked at how many years are added to life expectancy based on:

Regular physical exercise: 3.0-to-5.1 years
Proven therapeutic regimens: 2.1-to-3.7 years
Regular religious attendance: 1.8-to-3.1 years

Bad Christian Comment: I have to admit that in some of the churches I have experienced I might not live longer but it will certainly feel that way. The article continues…

“Religious attendance is not a mode of medical therapy,” said study leader Daniel Hall, a resident in general surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. “While this study was not intended for use in clinical decision making, these findings tell us that there is something to examine further.”

Hall is also an Episcopal priest.

“The significance of this finding may prove to be controversial,” he said. “But at the very least, it shows that further research into the associations between religion and health might have implications for medical practice.”

In a telephone interview, Hall speculated that the social aspect of religion could play a role in the results: “There is something about being knit into the type of community that religious communities embody that has a way of mediating a positive health effect,” he told LiveScience. Perhaps, he said, being involved in a religion “can then decrease your level of stress in life or increase your ability to cope with stress.”

Another possibility: “Being in a religious community helps you make meaning out of your life,” Hall suggested. The findings are detailed in the March-April issue of the Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine.

So what do I make of this study? Not much, to be honest. I have found the value of community in church. And my faith has, without question, given meaning to my life. But I am totally disinterested in the idea of increased longevity as a benefit of church. I am far more interested in the quality of my time on earth than the length of time. Joni’s cancer again punctuated how precious every day is and should continue to be for us. Her prognosis is excellent and we are confident. But why don’t we apply the reality of our mortality to the way we live daily? Why do we get so upset over such insignificant and trivial nonsense? If I knew I had just a few months to live how would that impact my life?

Would I care if someone cut me off in traffic?
Would it matter if I got that important position or a title?
Would that new car or new house look so important?

And what would my relationships look like?

Who would I make sure to tell that I love them?
What relationships would I try to repair?
What messages would I impart to family and loved ones?

And perhaps the biggest question of all.

Why aren’t I living like that now?

I wrote about what matters a couple of days after a dear friend died earlier this year. The article was called “The Good Stuff” and I closed out that post with the following words.

I am getting better at discerning and treasuring the good stuff. I am getting slightly better at not allowing the irritants of life to rob me of the good stuff. Every day is a treasure. Every day that you can look into the eyes of those you love is a gift. Jesus knew what the good stuff was all about. He wasn’t a cosmic killjoy trying to keep us from pleasure. Jesus taught us what mattered.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?   Luke 9  NIV

Loving your family. Having friends who will be there when things are rough. Knowing that you and those you love have a relationship with the living God. That’s the good stuff. Don’t let the world tell you otherwise.

I had no idea how soon I would get to apply that in a very personal way.

 

 

 

I am reprising the “Ask a Bad Christian” feature after a deluge of emails asking for it. Okay, when you decide to write your own blog and pay for a server you too can call five emails a deluge. But I digress. Welcome to Round 2 of “Ask a Bad Christian”. The first question comes from the article Bad Christian disputes scientific study.

Dear Bad Christian,

When scientific research supports a religious belief, we preachers rejoice and quickly use it in our next sermon to say, “See, I told you so!” When science disproves (or at least does not support) a religious belief, we console ourselves with, “Well, beliefs can’t be quantified, but we know it’s true and that’s all that really matters.” Can we have it both ways?   Sincerely, RevWLJ

Dear RevWLJ,

No.

Sincerely,

Bad Christian

P.S. to RevWLJ…I believe that I tried to make the point that we cannot quantify spiritual things scientifically so I am on the side of not using “selective” studies that support my beliefs. The studies are interesting and make for good discussion but they are not an apologetic for either position.

Another question on the same article comes from Maddox mixed in with a dash of personal agenda.

Dear Bad Christian,

I’m not surprised by this rationalization. Of course you have to protect your beliefs if some evidence flies in the face of them; it’s human nature. But doesn’t saying that God is above this study make him a bit “irrelevant?” Maybe the quality of care that a patient receives is what actually makes the difference between survival and death, nothing more, nothing less. But no, we’d rather cling to our superstitions. So I respectfully disagree with you. The more logical answer would be that God cannot be quantified and does not like to be tested; therefore he abstained from intervening in this little study (this was the explanation I expected). The bottom line is that if believing something strongly enough makes it true, then anything can be absolutely true. Any challenge to it can be explained away by another belief. Obviously this doesn’t always work in the real world, but it doesn’t hurt to believe that good and bad things happen for a reason.   Maddox

Dear Maddox,

There is no answer that I can give that will satisfy you intellectually. My view is that saying God is above this study does not make Him “irrelevant”. That makes Him God. And that is why we will likely not agree on this topic. I believe there is a God and that His mind and His ways are beyond my comprehension. To you that probably makes me Winnie the Pooh….a bear of very little brain. My point was that science can not measure the results of faith. Period. What is rationalization to you is a personal experience to me. I do not believe that I am protecting my beliefs. I am simply believing them. If I am right they don’t need “protecting”. The idea that I need to protect God and my beliefs would truly make Him “irrelevant”.

Regards,

Bad Christian

Dear Bad Christian,

Can we please stop allowing posts about the Victoria Osteen incident? And would you please not link the article so people will stop responding?

Dave Burchett

Dear Dave,

Where have we met? That name sounds so familiar. At any rate, I would love to move past the Victoria Osteen incident. These are my final words on this issue. I believe that the very fact that we are still debating this more than three months later proves my point. If she had simply taken public ownership of her part in the fracas it would have faded away in December. And yes I know (thanks to all of you that have helped me with this) that I have a telephone pole in my own eye. Anyone who claims the name of Christ is accountable for their actions and  I continue to believe that an apology would not have been too much to ask. Thanks Dave for the question. I hope to hear from you again.

Your friend and admirer,

Bad Christian

Dear Bad Christian,

Dave, you have the best books ever! I don’ t understand…why wouldn’t people want to read them?

Patricia

Dearest Wise and Insightful Patricia,

What a great question! Why wouldn’t they? But I would never use this forum for shameless promotion of my BOOKS. Thank you for the outstanding critique and question.

Bad Christian

Dear Bad Christian,

Why the title “Bad Christian”?

Regards,

Just Curious

Dear Just Curious,

See my answer to Patricia. Need I say more?

Blessings.

Bad Christian

That concludes this edition of “Ask a Bad Christian”. If you have a question be sure to email them to “Ask a Bad Christian“ and you might be selected! Until next time remember that my ministry is to make other Christians feel superior. Smile and enjoy the journey. It’s okay to do that.

 

 

 

Today was opening day in major league baseball. I have been at my real job at Ameriquest Field in Arlington, Texas directing the Texas Rangers and Boston Red Sox television opener. And that will likely be my real job until you people start buying more books!

In my mind there is no more special day in sports than opening day in baseball. The smell of freshly cut emerald green grass delights the senses. The base lines are painstakingly and perfectly defined by a grounds crew that is committed to perfection on this day.  Red, white, and blue bunting give the ball park a festive world series look. The players today act like little boys. This is the one day that these privileged athletes seem to forget they are millionaires and actually appear grateful that they are paid to play a little boy’s and girl’s game. Kids skip school and parents do not care because memories are being made for both of them. The hot dogs taste like gourment food.  Tacky souvenirs are treasures to be kept. The atmosphere is magic. It is opening day and every team has hope. Each fan has dreams and they are hopefully or, perhaps hopelessly, optimistic. Last year’s disappointments are gone and the hope of a new season dawns for fifty thousand fans in the park and thousands more across the city. The mood is upbeat and the expectations high. This is a new day and a new season. Old mistakes are forgotten. Past errors no longer important. Today is the annual renewal of the incredible marathon that is big league baseball.

I longed for such a defining moment in my walk with Jesus. God’s Word tells us that every day can be like opening day (Dave’s paraphrase). There can be new hope. Yesterday’s sins can be forgotten if you accept the gift of Jesus on the cross. Every morning that I awake and see the magic of a new sunrise I have a new chance to be renewed and optimistic about tomorrow. I don’t have to wait a year to have a chance for renewal. Paul writes that every day has the potential for the spiritual magic of renewal and victory in Christ.

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

    As God’s messenger, I give each of you this warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.

    God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out when you have faith that God is speaking through you. If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching. If your gift is to encourage others, do it! If you have money, share it generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

    Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically.

    Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God’s children are in need, be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night.

    If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

    Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible.  Romans 12  NLT

    I am grateful that in my spiritual journey God that has given me a chance for “opening day” renewal every day. Recently my walk with Jesus has felt more like a team that is thirty games out in August. I have wondered if I can make it to the end of the season, pack my bags, and just go home. I haven’t really enjoyed my teammates. I wonder if I would be happier on another team.

    But today under picture perfect blue skies I realized that every day with Jesus can be like opening day. I can be transformed and new. There can be freshness in the journey and joy. I can realize that I am a child of God and be grateful that I can call Him Father. I can rejoice that old sins are forgotten. I can believe that hope for the future is real. I can understand that I must be a better teammate and not expect my team to be perfect. The magic of a fresh start happens once a year in baseball. It can happen every day for a follower of Jesus.

 

 

I am not a scientist. I don’t play one on TV. I didn’t even stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. But I have to humbly disagree with a story that I found in the Dallas Morning News today. The headline reported that a “Study fails to show healing power of prayer.” I appreciate the efforts of the Templeton Foundation to quantify spiritual effect scientifically. I really do. Still,  I suspect that many or even most would be unmoved if the results showed a profound and positive effect for prayer. I recall that Pharaoh refused to believe in the God of Israel even as he stood derriere deep in frogs.

Let’s examine the findings in the story and discuss. My comments are italicized.

Does praying for a sick person’s recovery do any good? In the largest scientific test of its kind, heart surgery patients showed no benefit when strangers prayed for their recovery. And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a slightly higher rate of complications. The researchers could only guess why. 

Maybe they had seen some of the Christian television shows.

They also said they didn’t know why patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of complications than patients who only knew that such prayers were a possibility. Maybe they became anxious by the knowledge that they’d been selected for prayers, Bethea said: “Did the patients think, ‘I am so sick that they had to call in the prayer team?’”

Could be. Maybe it was like the old Western movies when the undertaker would tape measure a gunfighter before the sundown showdown. Not a real swagger booster.

The researchers said family and friends shouldn’t be discouraged from telling a patient about their plans to pray for a good recovery.

Thank you. I appreciate the blessing (?) of the research community to pray.

The research team tested the effect of having three Christian groups pray for particular patients, starting the night before surgery and continuing for two weeks. The volunteers prayed for “a successful surgery with a quick, healthy recovery and no complications” for specific patients – their identities known only by first name and first initial of the last name. The patients, meanwhile, were split into three groups of about 600 apiece: those who knew they were being prayed for, those who were prayed for but only knew it was a possibility, and those who weren’t prayed for but were told it was a possibility. The researchers didn’t ask patients or their families and friends to alter any plans they had for prayer, saying such a step would have been unethical and impractical.

The study looked for any complications within 30 days of the surgery. Results showed no effect of prayer on complication-free recovery. But among patients who did receive prayers, 59 percent of the patients who knew they were being prayed for developed a complication, versus 52 percent of those who were told it was just a possibility.

Paul Kurtz, professor emeritus of philosophy at the State University of New York at Buffalo, and chairman of the Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal, had a blunt response when asked why he thought the study found no effect of prayer.

“Because there is none,” he said. “That would be one answer.”

He added that while he tries to keep an open mind, he’s seen no good evidence for such an effect in past studies.

I would have to agree with the good professor that there will probably be no good scientific evidence for such an effect. I believe there will never be a “scientific” substantiation of the power of prayer to heal. That is because the reason for prayer is not telling God what to do and sitting back to wait for Him to jump through celestial hoops.  I would, however, like to suggest that there is powerful anecdotal and experiential evidence of the power of prayer in our lives. Yesterday we received the news of Joni’s pathology reports concerning her breast cancer. Hearing the sentence “you have won the lottery” would not have compared to what we heard. “The margin around the tumor is clear and the lymph nodes are clean.” We still face chemotherapy and radiation but this was the best report we could have received. Was Joni’s good report a result of the power of prayer? I don’t know. Here is what I do know. When Joni was in surgery on Monday we knew that hundreds of people were praying for her. Some of you who read this blog were praying for a woman you don’t even know. We both felt the presence, peace, and comfort of God. We could feel the prayers of the body of Christ.

Throughout this trial of breast cancer we had experienced a deep confidence and peace that was not explainable. We were not in denial. We have seen all too well the effects of cancer recently in our circle. But we were at peace. I think we felt that peace because we prayed and really believed the following.

God is in control. He has a plan. We don’t know what that plan is. But whatever it is we believed that He will give us strength and grace for the journey ahead.

Then we told God our desires.

We desired that Joni would be completely healed. We desired that God would use our journey to help others. We desired that we not “Waste our Cancer” but that He would be glorified through us in the process.

And then we accepted our bottom line.

We are not in control. We have confidence in the One who is. And we prayed like Jesus did in the garden. Okay…it was a loose imitation but we prayed the same kind of prayer. We wish this cup could be removed but not our will but Yours God be done.

So here is my conclusion. You can not quantify such a complicated theological and spiritual process. If I tell some scientists that I felt the prayers of Christians they would think I was loony tunes. If I tell a researcher that I am praying not just for healing but for God’s will that doesn’t fit into a neat little study category. How can a scientific study divvy up people into groups? We don’t know the mind of God and His plan for any of the people in the study. It was a lovely idea but I don’t need a bunch of labcoats to verify what I felt on Monday. Sorry. Maybe I am loony tunes. But I have something that you can’t measure, dissect, or research.

The peace that passes all understanding.

God is good. And not just when He responds the way I desire. God is good…all the time.

 

If you missed yesterday’s edition of the humble ramblings allow me to bring you up to date. We invited Job’s buddies in to give us a seminar on how not to treat a friend going through a difficult season. Today the first guest is Zophar from Naamath. And, waiting backstage to confront his friends is the star of the book, Job himself. Another lesson in friendship coming up next on Good Morning, Uz.

Let’s welcome Zophar from Naamath to our discussion:

Job, do you think you can carry on like this and we’ll say nothing?

(Pretty sure Job was thinking that ain’t likely to happen). 

That we’ll let you rail and mock and not step in? You claim, “My doctrine is sound and my conduct impeccable.’  How I wish God would give you a piece of his mind, tell you what’s what! I wish he’d show you how wisdom looks from the inside,  for true wisdom is mostly “inside.’  But you can be sure of this,  you haven’t gotten half of what you deserve. Job 11:3-6 (MsgB) 

Application: Can you imagine what Job must have thought with this line of thought? He had lost everything including his health. What more could possibly go wrong? Death, as Job repeatedly noted, would be blessed relief from his plight. Leave the judgment robes at home when you speak to those who are going through trials. What was Zophar thinking? The goal of the a good friend  is to engage, listen, comfort, and restore. It is worth noting that the first round of “help” from his friends generated this cynical response from Job.
 
“I’m sure you speak for all the experts, and when you die there’ll be no one left to tell us how to live. 

Haven’t you been there? Listening in disbelief and even anger to the person who has it all figured out. Observation from a Bad Christian: About 90 % of the time these armchair experts have not experienced anything resembling what you are going through. I must make a note to thank Job someday for preceding me in the ministry of sarcasm. But I digress. Back to his comments.

But don’t forget that I also have a brain-I don’t intend to play second fiddle to you. It doesn’t take an expert to know these things. “I’m ridiculed by my friends: ‘So that’s the man who had conversations with God!’  Ridiculed without mercy: ‘Look at the man who never did wrong!’  It’s easy for the well-to-do to point their fingers in blame,  for the well-fixed to pour scorn on the strugglers. Job 12:2-5 (MsgB) 

Application from Job. There is much to learn about approaching those who are hurting from the words of Job. His friend’s judgments and neatly wrapped solutions only added to his hurt. It is indeed easy to offer reasons when someone else is going through hurt and difficulties. I pray that we will show grace to the wounded. First, because they need it but more selfishly because we soon may need that very grace returned.

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. (Galations 6  MsgB)

 Job has more to offer about the ineffectiveness of his friends.

“I’ve had all I can take of your talk. What a bunch of miserable comforters! Job 16:2 (MsgB) 

Application: It would seem rather obvious that Job was looking for comfort and not theological insight and debate from his friends. He had already decided to hold steadfast  to God. He just needed his friends to be actual friends. It is an interesting twist because Scripture records that the original mission for his friends was to do exactly what Job needed from them.

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.  Job 2 NIV

How could such a noble mission veer so far off target? The Church Lady would say, “Could it be?”  (echo) “Satan?” This is an important lesson for those of us who are hurt or offended by friends. Job’s friends sacrificially left their homes and traveled to be helpful and comforting. They just blew it. And sometimes you and I do as well.

In addition to the less than helpful input from his pals, Job had  a memorable and uncomfortable exchange with the lovely Mrs. Job.

His wife said, “Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you? Curse God and be done with it!” He told her, “You’re talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God-why not also the bad days?” Not once through all this did Job sin. He said nothing against God. Job 2:9-10 (MsgB) 

I am pretty sure that I would have addressed Joni a bit differently. Uhhh…make that I am positive I would have addressed that differently.  Job’s insights to his wife are valuable. His technique of communication might have later led to counseling or an appearance on the Rabbi Phil Show. Nonetheless, through all of his trials he did not turn on God although (and this is important) he was extremely candid with God in his conversations. I think that we fear being honest with Him as if God doesn’t already know our feelings. Jesus Himself questioned what He was about to endure in His gut wrenching prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. But He finished by saying, “Not my will but yours be done.”
.
Another role of a good friend is to encourage that honest, gut-level communication with God. That can be a key to beginning the healing process. One of the things that I have found out through my writing is how valuable it is to write and see your feelings and frustrations on paper. If you thought When Bad Christians Happen to Good People was a bit edgy you should have seen the first draft! Some of the feelings that poured out as I wrote were anything but edifying and exposed emotions and issues that I needed to address with God and not some innocent person accidentally buying my book. It was quite helpful (and a bit unsettling) to see those things on paper. It was instrumental in allowing me to deal with them.

Tomorrow on Good Morning, Uz  Job talks to God. And a little surprise is ahead for Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. God confronts them for being bad friends. Stay tuned.

 

Yesterday I passed along some tips on how to be a good buddy when a friend is going through a deep trial. Steve is a committed reader of these ramblings (and for that perhaps he should be committed). He complimented me on being a quick study on this issue. While I appreciate the kind words I have to admit that I learned much of what not to do from Eliphaz from Teman, Bildad from Shuhah, and of course; Zophar from Naamath. If you don’t recognize the list above these are the buddies of Job who taught the original seminar of how not to deal with a friend going through adversity. I must disclaim that Joni and I have not encountered friends like Job’s in our current trial. But there are so many lessons to be learned in this remarkable story about suffering, trials, our response, and about how to be a friend. As all of you literate readers of this blog know already, it was Euripedes who said that “real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends.”  That is the hard lesson that Job learned. Everyone knows the story of Job. He was a godly man with toxic friends. But perhaps we have a lot to learn from those friends. Today’s seminar is courtesy of Eliphaz from Teman who smugly said….
 
Think! Has a truly innocent person ever ended up on the scrap heap? Do genuinely upright people ever lose out in the end? It’s my observation that those who plow evil and sow trouble reap evil and trouble. Job 4:7-8 (MsgB) 

Application : Do not assume that someone going through trials is at fault for their difficulties. And do not assume that they are not at fault. Allow God to handle both of those duties. Eliphaz arrogantly proclaimed that it was his “observation” that you reap what you sow. That is a principle that is often true but we know from God’s Word that Job’s trials were unrelated to sin or evil in his life. Eliphaz jumped to an incorrect and hurtful conclusion before knowing the facts. Listen first. Allow wounded and hurting friends to express their frustration and pain. This goes against every natural instinct that most of us possess. I am prone to want to jump in and fix the problem. God is teaching me to listen, pray and allow the Holy Spirit to direct my words and actions.

When you are with a brother or sister going through deep trials  I would suggest using any one of the following three strategies.

1. Be empathetic and listen.
2. Be empathetic and listen.
3. Be empathetic and listen.

I devised this strategy specifically for me because my previous program consisted of only one step.

1. Loosely hear a few sentences and then impatiently solve their problem with some vaguely appropriate verses while dramatically sharing my own personal horror story that far exceeds their puny little problem.

I can assure you that the results of that strategy were not stellar. In my defense, the three step plan above takes a lot more caring and work. 

 The next lesson also comes from Eliphaz

“So, what a blessing when God steps in and corrects you! Job 5:17 (MsgB) 

Application: I am pretty sure that Job was not quite at the “I’m thinkin’ what a blessing this is” phase of his ordeal. While he remained stubbornly faithful to the Lord and did not sin against Him, Job was angry, frustrated, bitter, bewildered and downcast about all the anguish he was going through. In other words, Job was human. His trust in God was supernatural, his roller coaster ride of emotions was normal.

 The truth that God can use every circumstance for ultimate good is a foundational promise of our faith. However, it is often difficult if not impossible to understand that truth during the turbulence of the trial. When I fly I know intellectually that those big bumps and shudders are caused by disturbances in the air and I will surely survive it. But realistically I just want to get through the turbulence and back to smooth air. Then I can intellectually consider the aerodynamics of clear air turbulence. So it is with the turbulence of life.

Focus on being empathetic. You don’t need to offer answers and try to explain things that are often without explanation.

If this was daytime television we would now cut to a shot of Job in a backstage dressing room listening to Eliphaz’s “wisdom”. Next the announcer breathlessly proclaims…

Coming up next, Job confronts his toxic friend! Stay tuned on Good Morning, Uz.

 

 

 It is not easy to know what to do when a brother or sister is going through adversity. So here are some early lessons we have learned from our cancer journey.

A primer for being a good adversity buddy…

1) It is okay to say the “C” word. Joni and I know that she has cancer so it will not be a surprise to us. We believe that we have a “C” word in our lives that trumps the fear of cancer. That “C” word is Christ.

2) You don’t have to “say” anything profound, theologically brilliant, or comforting. Simple phrases like “I am praying” and “I am here if you need me” pack more punch than a theological dissertation on suffering. Some don’t know what to say and then proceed to say it in great detail. Joni and I don’t need to “figure” this all out right now. We just need to walk with the Lord one step at a time. We know He has a plan. We are not necessarily convinced that He has told you what it is.

3) Do not try to “prepare” your friends with stories of other cancer patients. Recounting stories of terrible side effects and problems are really not helpful. The doctor will give us a good rundown of those possibilities based on our case. We have a medical team for that. Our friendship team can best help by being positive and prayerful.

4) Do not use mournful tones when talking to a cancer patient.  Just use your normal voice…really. We won’t suspect you don’t care.

5) Do not predict the outcome with phrases like “you are going to be fine.“ No one is completely sure of the outcome. What you can say is that God will be faithful and you want to walk with them throught the journey as well.

6) It is okay to cry and it is okay to laugh. Crying doesn’t mean you are not dealing with the cancer well and laughter does not mean you are in denial. Both are part of the journey.

7) Be careful to not misuse scripture. The most common good hearted misapplication is telling Christians going through adversity that “God will not give you more than you can handle.” That verse in Corinthians (I Cor 10:13) refers to temptations, not troubles. We will have troubles. Instead concentrate on the promises that His Word gives us about strength for those times. Suggestions?

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Matt 11:28 NLT

Cast your cares on the LORD
       and he will sustain you;
       he will never let the righteous fall.  Psalm 55:28

8) Embrace your role as a part of the body of Christ. We are all in this together. Do practical things like bring a meal or clean the house.

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

9) Don’t say that you could not deal with adversity as well as your friend is handling it. You could. Part of being a follower of Christ is knowing He is with you in times like this. You are given strength and comfort that is supernatural. It is there when you need it. You can’t store it for future trouble or put it in a to go box for later. God apportions that strength and comfort out as needed. The peace that surpasses all understanding is real.

10) Learn from those who have shown how it looks to trust Jesus in adversity. Joni and I have had two amazing couples as mentors in our lives. I wrote about them in an earlier blog called  My Nominations for Persons of the Year. Our friends showed us by walking the walk how God is real in far worse situations than ours. Jesus is real. He is real in the good times. And especially in the bad.