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Connect 21: Day 17 – Words Matter…A Lot

I am saddened, sickened, disturbed, and frightened at how the word hate is being hurled around in our national discourse. Red-faced politicians spew vitriol at those they disagree with. It can be an honest and complicated issue, but they reduce the debate to hating their opponents. Author James Baldwin made this insightful observation:

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

Isn’t that the truth? It is so much easier to demonize than to understand. It is up to me and to you to change the discourse. The politician’s favorite tactic of justifying bad behavior with other bad behavior does not work with a holy God. Frankly, I am grateful He loves me too much to give me a pass on my blindness. Pastor Mark Mitchell is one of many people who has reflected on Rabbi Joseph Telushkin’s assessment of the power of words.

Rabbi Telushkin, author of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, has lectured throughout this country on the powerful, often negative impact of words. He often asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, another person. Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands, signifying “Yes.” Others laugh, and quite a few call out, “No!”
Telushkin responds, “Those who can’t answer ‘yes’ must recognize that you have a serious problem. If you can’t go 24 hours without drinking liquor, you’re addicted to alcohol. If you can’t go 24 hours without smoking, you’re addicted to nicotine. So if you can’t go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you’ve lost control over your tongue.”

Hate is a very serious word to use when talking about anyone, and especially another believer. As Christians, we simply do not have that option. Try to avoid these verses at your own peril.

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer,
that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see,
how can we love God, whom we cannot see? (1 John 4:20)

If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness.
(1 John 2:9)

Ouch. It’s very clear—and uncomfortable to hear—that I need to pray for those I disagree with in the faith community. But beyond that, I think we need to be extraordinarily prayerful about throwing the hate card at anyone.

Martin Luther King Jr. had some legitimate reasons to hate, but he chose not to. His words have not lost their power:

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Another courageous African-American, Booker T. Washington,
made a similar choice.

“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”

I know there are some people who are so evil that they seem unredeemable outside of a true miracle. But I have found that the majority of folks who disagree with me are generally decent people, when I take the time to hear their stories and get to know them. We hate people we don’t know and, without a doubt, that suspicious attitude prevents us from ever engaging with them.

I have decided to severely curtail my use of the word hate. I am making the choice to permit no man to degrade my soul by making me hate. And for the spiritual hall monitors, be aware that I am not going squishy on sin. There are actions, attitudes, and sins that I hate.

I have to remind myself that the actions that make me angry are the result of our fallen nature and sin. Hating people will not fix either of those issues. I can’t influence hearts by using inflammatory words. Words do matter. A lot.

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly Book

April 6, 2020
21 Connect: Day 16 – Get Over Yourself

Valuing everyone is how Jesus lived. He modeled that with women, children, people with physical and mental challenges, lepers, social outcasts, and sinners. He served the weak and loved the unloved. He created the template for how the New Testament church should look if it functions biblically.

How did the early church explode and multiply against all odds? By serving selflessly, recklessly, and fearlessly. There was nothing comfortable about spreading the news about Jesus in the days, months, and years after His resurrection.

The apostles understood after the Cross what Jesus had been trying to tell them earlier. That the world measures greatness on an entirely different scale from the one that God uses. Remember that debate among the apostles? They had the criteria for greatness completely wrong.

They began to argue among themselves about who would be the greatest among them. Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.” Luke 22:24-27

The best way to take your eyes off your own circumstances is to serve others. Even as Jesus faced the horror of the Cross, He was serving others. Martin Luther King Jr. said it well: “Everybody can be great . . . because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

Every person in the body of Christ can serve in some way. It may be running errands for a seasoned citizen who can no longer drive. It may be babysitting for a harried young mom. It may be providing a meal to a family dealing with illness. It may be calling or visiting a lonely person. Sometimes listening is one of the greatest ways to serve others. Maybe one subtle way to serve is simply appreciating those people whom you work and live with in community.

The Carrot Principle, a book by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton, determined that appreciation might well be the missing accelerator for happiness and self-esteem. Based on a ten-year study in which two hundred thousand people were interviewed, the authors conclude that appreciation tops the list of things employees say they want from their bosses. For those who worked in offices with high morale, an amazing 94 percent reported that they were shown appreciation. Not surprisingly, when employees quit, nearly 80 percent cited lack of appreciation as the number one reason.

We have a fundamental need to be affirmed. The authors of The Carrot Principle were surprised at how sparingly this blessing is given to others. I suspect it is often in short supply in our faith communities as well. That is a wonderful way you can serve others. Simply affirm and bless them in their gifts and skills.

Serving can be the smallest gesture, or it can be a selfless response to a crisis. I absolutely love the slogan that the Salvation Army has been using recently: “We combat natural disasters with Acts of God.” That is a powerful thought. We as the body of Christ commit “acts of God” by loving, helping, and healing those who suffer from a disaster, or sometimes just from life. My insurance policy outlines “acts of God” as a way to diminish liability. My understanding of God’s Word is that we have increased liability when others need help.

I pray that I will be willing to commit an “act of God” whenever I see a hurting person. When a student is struggling and needs mentoring, you can commit an “act of God.” When a family does not have money during this financial crisis, your “act of God” will make the difference. When someone is feeling blue, you can affirm and lift that person’s spirits by simply being present and caring. Jesus taught that these things we do are acts for God.

The king will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty
and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.” Then the righteous will answer Him, “Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed you, or thirsty, and give You
something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite you in, or naked, and clothe you? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?” The King will answer and say to them, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:34-40, NASB)

Part of the journey to be more connected to God and others is simple. Get outside yourself by serving and affirming others. The rewards are remarkable.

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly Book.

April 5, 2020
21 Connect: Day 15 – Let God Love You

I am learning to look into the mirror and see someone that I accept by faith and not by my feelings. I see a saint. That’s right. Many (maybe most) of Satan’s accusations about me are true. But what I now see is a man who is a saint. I found forty references to saints in Paul’s writings in the English Standard Version. From his additional descriptions, I am pretty sure that the recipients of his letters were not always behaving like saints. They were saints because of Christ, and not by meticulously following the law. God sees those who trust Jesus as righteous, no matter how many accusations are thrown at them.

Amazing.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even
before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 1:3-5)

That is my (and your) identity as a follower of Jesus. Holy and without fault in His eyes. I will be accused again, probably sooner than later. But I am learning to simply say this to myself:

“That is not who I am anymore. I am holy because of Christ.”

When I forget that truth, I allow doubt, confusion, shame, and sadness to creep in. Not leaning on the finished work of Jesus as my strength and identity sets me up for a frustrating masquerade of faith.

There may be no element more important to living fully in the moment with God than accepting that I am loved by Him right now just as I am. That is so counterintuitive to how “love” so often works in my experience. I have talked with too many men who justify their extramarital relationships by saying they deserve more than their current marriage provides. It always hurts my heart because those they hurt deeply do not deserve to be wounded by betrayal. I try to never forget what I said on that July day more than forty years ago to my bride. I made vows to Joni Lynn Banks before God. I did not sign a contract with escape clauses based on my happiness at any given point in time.

The world speaks a different love language. “I will love you while you are attractive.” “I will love you when you make me happy.” “I will love you when you do what I ask you to do.” Human love almost always includes conditional elements. That is not God’s love.

The Lord your God is in your midst;
he is a warrior who can deliver.
He takes great delight in you;
he renews you by his love;
he shouts for joy over you.
Zephaniah 3:17, NET

The attributes of God’s love are mind boggling. It is personal. You and I can relate to God the Creator of the universe as our Father. Think about that. I mean really think about that.

I am conditioned to believe that if something seems too good to be true, then I am being deceived. That is what Satan would have me believe. But the stunning radicality of grace is that what seems to be too good to be true is more true than I can imagine. This unconditional love from God is unrelated to the emotions, expectations, and desires that taint my human love. God’s love is offered to the undeserving and unworthy, regardless of status, gender, color, nationality, wealth, or educational achievement. God loves us first. He is the One who woos us to Him. He is the patient, loving Father who never leaves and is always there when His child finally comes home.

This love is ours to receive. We don’t have to do a single thing except bring our wounds and sins to the loving Great Physician. When I believe that Christ died for the sins of the world, I am moved. When I believe that Christ died for my sins, I am changed.

I am choosing to believe that today.

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly Book

April 4, 2020
21 Connect: Day 14 – The Power of Prayer

I remember hearing a wonderful story about a prayer that was spoken in a little country church. The new pastor called on one of his older deacons to lead in the opening prayer. The deacon stood up, bowed his head and said, “Lord, I hate buttermilk.”

The pastor opened one eye and wondered where this was going. The deacon continued, “Lord, I hate lard.” Now the pastor was totally perplexed. The deacon continued, “Lord, I ain’t too crazy about plain flour. But after you mix ’em all together and bake ’em in a hot oven, I just love biscuits.
“Lord, help us to realize when life gets hard, when things come up that we don’t like, whenever we don’t understand what You are doing, that we need to wait and see what You are making. After you get through mixing and baking, it’ll probably be something even better than biscuits. Amen.”

We make prayer so complex and hard. Philip Yancey wrote that “most of the great books on prayer are written by ‘experts’— monks, missionaries, mystics, saints. I’ve read scores of them, and mainly they make me feel guilty.”

I can relate to that! So I decided to see what an expert had to say about prayer. That is exactly why the disciples came to Jesus and asked for His help on how to pray. They had watched Him pray. They knew how important prayer was to Jesus. Now they asked Him to teach them. Here is Luke’s “pray-by-pray” of that moment:

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”
He said to them, “When you pray, say:
‘Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.’” (Luke 11 : 1-4 , NIV)

Over much of my fumbling, bumbling Christian journey, I would skip straight to the “give us our daily bread and forgive us our sins” parts of that prayer. I managed to miss the most important foundational aspect of this insightful prayer. The first fundamental is contained in the opening word.

Father.

I get to relate to God as my Father! That privilege comes only from my relationship with Jesus. Noted preacher Haddon Robinson stated that in the entire Old Testament, God is called Father only seven times, and it is always in respect to the nation of Israel. There is never a recorded instance where
any individual dared to address the Sovereign God as Father. Now Jesus comes on the scene, and Robinson writes about the amazing contrast:

“Yet in the New Testament, at least 275 times, that is how we are instructed to speak to God. Because of Jesus’s death and resurrection, when we come to the sovereign majesty of the universe the word that should fall readily from our lips is Father.“

That is a game changer! I can come to the God of the universe, who knows my sin, my weakness, and my failure, and call Him Father! Are you kidding me? Pastor Tim Keller puts that in amazing perspective.

“The only person who dares wake up a king at 3:00 AM for a glass of water is a child. We have that kind of access.”

Think about that for a moment.

Jesus stated an interesting truth right before His instructions on how we should pray.

When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need
even before you ask him! (Matthew 6:7-8, The Message)

So why even go through the effort if He knows already? Because it creates relationship with God. Jesus obviously did not mean to indicate that prayer is not vital. Look at His own example!

Whenever Jesus faced a great challenge, He met it with prayer and Scripture. He steeled Himself for the agony of the Passion with hours of prayer. I have not met any adversity that I could not face when I meet it with God’s Word and presence in prayer. This is one place where it is okay to be constantly “plugged in.”

Excerpted from Waking Up Slowly Book

April 3, 2020
21 Connect: Day 14 – We Need a Village

Not all of us have experienced the joy of Psalm 133:1: “Behold, how good
and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” (ESV).

There is no more powerful community than a group of believers who live in unity. And nothing should level the playing field like embracing the teachings of Jesus. He cares not a whit about color, status, or appearance. Jesus looks only on the heart. In Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians, he offered the benefits of honest community:

Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Isn’t it interesting that the challenges Paul lists are arranged from easiest to hardest? I can admonish the lazy all day long. I am pretty good about encouraging the timid. On my good days I help the weak. But be patient with them all? Come on, Paul. Do you know these people?

But that is the attraction of community. It is messy and beautiful. Frustrating and fulfilling. It is life. And it is best lived together with other messy, beautiful, frustrating, and fulfilling saints who still are quite capable of sinning. And that tees up the biggest need for community as found
in Galatians:

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. (Galatians 6 :1-3)

That seems like such an essential passage for this culture as I contemplate the devastating and heartbreaking toll of sin. I know. That is not politically correct. But there is no other word that describes what I am seeing today. Since I began this project, I have seen a beloved and effective pastor
lose his ministry for the false hope of an inappropriate relationship. Somehow he stepped away from the power of grace in community and listened to the siren song of sin.

Sin says that there is more. Sin says that you deserve to be happier and that it will be true only in a different relationship. Sin says that God does not really have your best interest at heart. I hate those lies from Satan that we continue to believe.

Christians really do have a wonderful message of hope. But too often we don’t communicate the liberating joy of the gospel. We attach strings, instead of shouting that all we need to bring to Him for salvation is our sin and need. Jesus has done the rest. Paul makes it pretty simple:

If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9)

I must begin to concentrate on the message of what Jesus has done for me. Whether my sin inventory fills multiple volumes or a Post-
it note is irrelevant. I need the Cross. Only the finished work of Jesus makes me flawless. I am wounded and need acceptance.

Lord, forgive me for my sinful judgment of wounded souls, and help me to be a light to a very dark world.

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly Book

April 2, 2020
21 Connect: Day 13 – Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Comparison is poison to the soul. I either contrast myself to someone doing something better than me and feel downcast, or I measure myself to someone failing and feel better.

Perhaps that is my cue to refer to the Instruction Manual again. Paul writes about this very problem that was happening in the church at Corinth:

Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Writer Ann Voskamp notes that we try to measure how we are doing with imperfect—and even dangerous—measuring sticks:

Measuring sticks try to rank some people as big and some people as small—
but we aren’t sizes. We are souls. There are no better people or worse people—there are only God-made souls. There is no point trying to size people up, no point trying to compare—because souls defy measuring.

At the beginning of my book Waking Up Slowly I quoted Psalm 139, detailing how God uniquely wove together each of our individual DNA to create the one and only me and the one and only you. He knew us before we were formed, and He has ordained our days. Paul unpacks that even more in Ephesians:

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Ephesians 1:11-12 , The Message)

I am not an accident. I have a purpose in God’s plan. I have a role in God’s overall purpose. And I have a specific calling as a gift of grace. Being content with who you are really is a heart issue grounded in the truth of who you are according to Scripture.

How I wish that I could see myself as God sees me. Because of what Christ did on my behalf, God sees me as a saint. Forgiven. Valuable. Needed. What I often see is the same old failure who can’t dance, fix anything, or live consistently for God.

We see those smiling families and couples on social media and think they
are experiencing some alternate life that has eluded us. I’m sorry to break the news, but there are no perfect people or perfect families.

My fear is that we have created a culture where we feel there is something wrong with us if we are hurting. If I am struggling, I must be doing something wrong spiritually. Shouldn’t God meet this need? What is wrong with me? The fact that God created me with a desire to be in community
tells me that part of His plan is for me to be helped by other members of the body of Christ. But I think I am falling short by comparing myself to false images of people who are not being real.

Anne Lamott weighs in with her typical, unvarnished
honesty:

“Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.”

Being broken, clingy, scared, and screwed up is spiritual soil prep for the seed of grace to grow.

I am not sure if writer John Mason had a biblical worldview in mind when he came up with the title for his book “You’re Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy”, but he is theologically spot on. We are uniquely and completely designed for our roles in the body of Christ. Don’t try to imitate another part. The biggest danger to missing our lines in the production
called life is comparison. Relax and be you. No one compares
to you!

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly.

April 1, 2020
21 Connect: Day 12 – Kindness is Contagious

The apostle Paul laid out the challenge for followers of Jesus in his letter to the church in Ephesus:

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

I used to be impressed by talent and prestige. Now I find that I am more impressed by kindness. Billy Graham observed how we all—especially children—benefit from a little kindness:

“Often the only thing a child can remember about an adult in later years, when he or she is grown, is whether or not that person was kind.”

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the sadness and problems around me. Sometimes I think it is a hopeless world we live in. But I can do something. I can be kind. Edward Everett Hale once said, “I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do.”

I am not trying to shovel guilt on you or myself. Maybe we should be more intentional about being the body of Christ, rather than relying on government programs to do our job for us. I want the grace that God has given me to make my heart sensitive toward the poor as well as toward hurting and spiritually seeking people. It is hard to spend much time in the New Testament and not realize our challenge to be the body of Christ. Here is a very small sample:

If anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 1 John 3:17 , ESV

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
James 2:14-17, ESV

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 , ESV

The charge of hypocrisy leveled at the church has a lot to do with our obsession with sin management over living a life of kindness, grace, and service. If I am not living out of grace, then Jesus’ arms aren’t reaching as far as they could through me. Kindness is clearly step one.

Kindness doesn’t require great skill or advanced degrees. I can be kind with a PhD or a GED. I do not have to like someone to be kind. I have to remember that kindness means disconnecting from devices, so I can actually see and react to those around me. Kindness is powerful. Kindness tears down walls. Kindness builds trust.

Kindness shows the love of Christ through my imperfect efforts. As a Christian, kindness gives those I encounter a reason to listen to my message of redemption and grace. In return, I will be changed, receiving the greater gift.

I think writer Alexander MacLaren summarized it beautifully:
“Kindness makes a person attractive. If you would win the world, melt it, do not hammer it.”

Kindness is contagious and that is something we should run toward and not distance from. Especially now.

Taken from Waking Up Slowly

March 31, 2020