Charisa Stories

Tag: forgiveness

  • Recovering From Legalism Is A Challenge

    I was introduced to Christianity in a church that put a legalistic leash on my behavior. By strict rules they believed they could force me to live a holy life. You can imagine how that worked out for a teenager in the Sixties. Our denomination reminded me of characters from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. We did not have the dreaded knights who said, “Ni” but we definitely had the dreaded congregants who said, “No.”

    I’m certain there were several volumes filled with things that were forbidden and, not surprisingly, most of them were man-made rules. Here is a sample platter of no-no’s I was asked to follow.

    NO movies. (Might have been in violation)
    NO drinking. (Too young so I got holiness points for this one)
    NO mixed swimming. (I kid you not)
    NO television. (The temptation of Mr Ed, The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction was too strong. Violation.)
    NO cards. (More holiness points)
    NO rock-and-roll music. (Definitely in violation)
    NO smoking. (Nailed this one)
    NO slacks for women.
    NO long hair for men. (Deduct holiness points)
    NO makeup for women.

    I remember asking my godly grandmother what she thought about the no makeup rule. She smiled and gave this memorable reply. “If the barn needs a coat of paint I think you should paint it.” She was my first dispenser of grace.

    It’s not surprising that it took me a long time to figure out freedom in Christ. Ironically, there are a few verses that strongly emphasized the word “no” in the New Testament that our moralists somehow overlooked. For example, this little “no” verse would have come in handy (capitalization and italics added for emphasis).

    There is NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2, NLT

    That would have been a refreshing mist of grace to our parched flock. Or how about these “NO” verses?

    This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is NO fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:17-19, NIV

    “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There is NO commandment greater than these. Mark 12:30-31, NIV

    Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps NO record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, NLT

    I have been crucified with Christ and I NO longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Galatians 2:20-21, NIV

    That is a very different “no” list than the first one.

    NO condemnation.

    NO fear.

    NO commandment greater than to love God and your neighbor.

    NO record of wrongdoing when you love one another.

    NO longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.

    I can be holy because of Christ and not because of my anguished rule keeping. There is joy and freedom in that second list.

    NO kidding.

    Parts of this article excerpted from Stay: Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace

  • I Am Unashamed Of My Faith in Jesus

    Matthew West is one of my favorite Christian songwriter/singers. His lyrics are both inspiring and applicable to my journey. I need both of those.

    His song “Unashamed” hit my heart the first time I heard it. Matthew West opens with stories of faithful servants of God followed by a couple of challenging questions.

    So, what’s gonna be said of me
    When it’s all said and done?
    Will I stand for my beliefs
    Or will I turn around and run?

    Part of the challenge of being a follower of Jesus is withstanding the criticisms from many around you. I worked in a secular industry with many who doubted the reality or need for faith in God. Some felt you were weak if you needed Jesus. Some thought you were brainwashed or, even worse, braindead if you believed in God. They delivered accusations to defend their narrative and my response was always honest.

    Accuser: A lot of Christians fall way short of who they should be. They don’t act at all like this Jesus they talk about.

    Me: Agreed. Actually all followers of Jesus fall short of living like him. Part of the love and grace of Jesus is to patiently help sincere followers grow in our journey to be more like him. His love and forgiveness are the same on our best and worst days.

    Accuser: I know so many hypocrites.

    Me: Yep. Me too. Hypocrites also exist on the non-faith side. My message for 40 plus years is don’t reject Christ because of Christians. Your faith decision should never be based on whether Dave or churchgoers you watch prove to you that Jesus is real.

    Your decision is to personally and genuinely explore if Jesus Christ is who he said he is. The Son of God. Our Savior. The way to eternal life. Those are your questions to answer.

    I struggled with judgmental churchgoers. I understand the frustration that brings. I wasn’t raised as a Christian and I wasn’t sure I wanted to commit my life to something that didn’t seem consistent.

    Thank God I decided to honestly and intellectually seek the reality of God’s love and forgiveness. Jesus answered that request and radically changed my life in ways I never expected.

    And now I agree completely with this bold statement of Matthew West.


    “Well, let the whole world hear me say….”

    Say what? Here it is!

    I’m unashamed
    Of the gospel of Jesus Christ
    And the truth that changed my life
    For the name above all names
    I’m unashamed
    And I will live my faith out loud
    Take a stand and stand my ground
    For the One who took my shame
    I’m unashamed

    I agree with all of my heart! I’m unashamed. I can tell you with complete assurance that my life would have gone off the rails without my relationship with Jesus. His love both restrained and sustained me. I believe my insecure and selfish heart would have taken me down a different path without my faith in God. Any quality that you find positive in my life has been given or enhanced through my relationship with Jesus. Recently I looked at many of the crossroad moments in my life. God’s grace and mercy allowed me to fail and still find redemption. Anytime I have disappointed others or did not show love it was because I took my eyes off of Him.

    Paul writes these words in Philippians.

    8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4, NLT)

    I would like to paraphrase Paul’s words for my message to those who don’t think my journey with Jesus is legitimate.

    “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. I hope you saw in my life some things that were true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Whatever you might have received from me grew out of the sustaining love, grace, and peace of God.”

    I know my heart. I review the crossroads moments I came to in different seasons of my life. I reflect on how God gracefully and lovingly rescued me over and over and over. That grace, love, forgiveness, and direction happened because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    I’m unashamed.

    And so very grateful.

  • Dad’s Have A Lifetime Effect…Good or Bad

    Singer Dan Fogelberg was one of my favorite singer/songwriters. Every Father’s Day I cue up a song written about his dad called “Leader of the Band”.  Fogelberg’s father was a musician and he passed that talent down to Dan. Parts of the lyric made me think of my Dad in his final years..

    The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
    But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul 

    I thank you for the music and your stories of the road
    I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
    I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
    And, papa, I don’t think I said ‘I love you’ near enough 

    My Dad knew how much I loved him. Still I wish I had told him more often. But this is the portion of the song that continues to impact me as a son.

    My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
    I’m just a living legacy to the leader of the band

    My Dad was a wonderful, kind, loving, and sometimes flawed man. He was not perfect but his overall story was powerful. I hope I am following his legacy of joy, kindness, and love that he modeled so well. I realize with each passing year how much the leader of the pack impacted me. Every dad impacts the lives of their children. The question is how. Children listen only sometimes but they are always watching. My Dad probably never realized how closely I was watching.

    The last time I saw my father he left me with a memory that will stay with me till I join him in Heaven. His condition had worsened considerably after a stroke. When I walked into the hospital room Dad’s eyes came alive and he grabbed my hand with an intensity that clearly communicated that he knew me. 

    Our family had encountered one difficult employee at the hospital. This person had done nothing helpful and everything with a bad attitude. I looked at my sister Sherry as I held my Father’s hand and said, “We don’t have to take that crap!” To my surprise out of that shell that was my Dad came a very clear and loud response…”I taught you that!”

    Those were the final words that he spoke to me! And yes…you did teach me that Dad. And you taught me a whole lot more. You taught me that all of God’s children are to be valued unrelated to color or position. That everyone is important and deserves to be treated with dignity.

    You taught me the concept of grace. When I was in junior high I somehow manage to establish “credit” at a hobby store. I ran up a debt that was monumental in those days. When you found out I was terrified at the consequences of my actions. But you taught me that grace means unmerited forgiveness for obvious guilt. You taught me there is a difference between mistakes of ignorance and willful wrongdoing. You taught me what forgiveness looks like and what it means for someone to pay for your mistakes out of unconditional love with no strings attached. I got a little foretaste of how Jesus would pay a debt for me that I could not pay later on in my life. 

    You taught me that humor is a gift from God. That laughing at life and especially at your self makes it a whole lot easier to deal with daily frustrations.

    You taught me a lot Dad. And I will be forever grateful. Perhaps most importantly, you taught me what it looks like to be ready to die. You taught me how to put your family at ease by clearly and consistently letting us know that you were ready to meet Jesus.

    God’s Word consistently paints an image of God as our Father. Many people struggle with that picture because they can only relate to an angry, dominating, or selfish father. I am so grateful that I had a dad that helped me to understand the real love of a father and what that means when God says I am His child. But I pray that you will believe the love from our Father in Heaven even if the earthly role model was not ideal.

    How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!
    And that is what we are!  (1 John 3:1)

    That is what we are! A child of God our loving Father. That is a pretty good thing to meditate on for Father’s Day.

  • The Miracle of My Mom’s Parting Gift

    If my Mom was born in today’s world I have no doubt she would have flourished with her strong, independent, and intelligent personality. But life for women in the 40’s and 50’s was limiting and I would guess a bit frustrating at times.

    I loved my Mom but our relationship was often challenging. She was raised in a family where love was not openly expressed. She could be negative and her comments often impacted me. I knew that she loved me fiercely but I will admit that I grieved for a more gracious expression of her love.

    As her health declined I prayed that her relationship with God would be clear to her and to her family. In the summer of 2006 I journeyed to Ohio to visit her. A group of Christian friends in Texas told me they would pray that I could discuss salvation with my Mom. I thanked them for their concern but in my heart I felt they were naive. They did not know my Mom. 

    Fast forward a few days as I am sitting with her. The conversation was mundane. Out of nowhere she dropped this bombshell.

    “How can you be sure that you are going to heaven?”

    You could have knocked me over with a feather and I immediately thought of those saints in Texas praying for exactly this moment. And I felt a bit of shame because I was the naive one who doubted the power of prayer. I shared the gospel with my Mom. She assured me that she had trusted Christ as her Savior. The next question was nearly as surprising.

    “What if you trusted Christ but haven’t lived it?”

    Wow. What do you say to that? I chose to tell her the truth. That she was always a child of God but she had likely forfeited some joy by not walking more consistently with Him. She had likely missed chances to serve and probably many blessings the Lord had desired her to experience. Still, there was a nagging question in my mind that I lacked the courage to address. I knew there were people who had hurt my Mom deeply and she had showed no signs of forgiveness. I was fairly certain she would take that bitter anger to her grave but I knew that was forgiven by the grace of God.

    But Mom took those comments about living for Jesus to heart. She chose to live for Him with the rest of her days. She told my niece that she had prayed more in the last year than she had in her whole life. She regularly asked me to pray for her and told me she was praying for me and especially for Joni as my bride battled breast cancer.

    My Mom began to regularly tell me she loved me. That was something you didn’t say in her family. You were just supposed to know it. She told me she was sorry if she had hurt me with her words or actions. That was the first time I had heard those words from my Mom in 53 years. It was a powerful moment of grace and reconciliation between us. When I saw her the last time she kissed me and said, “you don’t know how much you mean to me.” But she was wrong. I finally did. 

    But the real miracle happened in her last days. My niece asked Mom about a woman she had felt so much bitterness and hatred toward. When I was told about her response the words sent chills through me.

    “Oh honey. That was in the past. I have forgiven her.”

    What irony that I have been writing about forgiveness and my Mom gave me a miracle of forgiveness as her final gift. Forgiveness can happen. It is never too late. For those who think they cannot forgive I will tell you that with God it is possible. I am saddened that my Mom is gone but I am rejoicing in her victory. She was able to lay her burdens at the foot of the Cross and pass unencumbered into the presence of the Lord. She finished her days living out this verse.

    “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
    ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    Seventeen Mother’s Days have gone by since she passed away. I praise God that I have not really lost my Mom.
    Nope.
    I know exactly where she is.

  • How To Define The Voices In Your Mind

    Recently I saw a T-shirt with this message: 

    Even if the voices in my head aren’t real they do have some good ideas. 

    I got an initial chuckle out of that one. But then I thought, “Wait! The voices in my head often have terrible ideas”.

    I suspect that is true for some of you as well. Some of the bad voices in our heads are formidable foes that come from emotional and spiritual baggage.

    If I may lean on my sports background here, Satan calls the all-out blitz when people of faith go through seasons of trial and doubt. He delights in accusing and trying to rock the very foundation of your faith. Satan is, always has been, and always will be a liar. You have learned to never trust a liar at work or in other relationships. How much more should we pray to recognize and reject the lies that Satan attacks us with during adversity?

    There is another voice. It is much softer and requires more focus to hear. It is not a voice of shame. It is a voice of hope, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and grace. You have to slow way down and be quiet to hear this voice. 

    Jesus had to deal with Satan’s lies face-to-face. Three times He was tempted by the devil’s alluring promises (see Matthew 4:1-11). He rebuked the lies by leaning on Scripture. As the time neared for His time Jesus comforted His followers with this promise of a guiding voice.

    26 But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. (John 14:26, NLT)

    If we believe that promise how would you expect the Spirit of God to communicate while teaching you? Through intimidation and shame? Of course not. Paul pointed out the incomprehensible love of God is his letter to the Romans.

    But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8, NLT)

    That kind of love communicates truth with grace and patience. Jesus followed that promise of the Holy Spirit with another promise. Peace of mind and heart.

    27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27, NLT)

    Our minds get hacked by the enemy. The voice I tend to hear first in the battle is the loud one. I need to step back, be still, and listen for the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. 

    Satan’s voice is predictably negative. So many times I listen to the lament of friends and I recognize the voice they are hearing is not the tender Spirit of God. Here is just a partial list to evaluate to see if the voice you are hearing is from the Holy Spirit or the enemy. 

    • The voice of God convicts in love to help us grow. The enemy condemns.
    • The voice of God is calming and reassuring. The enemy creates anxiety and unrest.
    • The voice of God comforts. The enemy judges and shames.
    • The voice of God clarifies and directs. The enemy sows doubt and confusion.
    • The voice of God brings reassuring peace. The enemy peddles fear.
    • The voice of God gently leads you to trust Him. The enemy says to trust yourself.
    • The voice of God offers moral courage. The enemy promotes ungodly compromise.
    • The voice of God encourages. The enemy discourages at every turn.

    I have a simple question I ask myself when negativity floods my mind. Does the voice I am hearing reflect the grace, love, and character of Jesus? If not I redirect my heart toward His Word. Want another wonderful promise today?

    And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. (John 14:16, NLT)

    The Advocate is the Holy Spirit. He will never leave you. The Holy Spirit will always teach you and remind you of the love and grace of Christ. The Advocate will plant peace in your heart and mind. 

    I cannot imagine what my life would look like in this crazy culture without that comfort. Those voices of past sin and failures and hurt are no longer who I am. The voices of accusation that I might hear when facing loss and trials don’t define me anymore. The quiet voice of God is always available to you and me. I pray you will seek that comfort today. His tender voice is there. Always.

  • Is It Time for A Jesus Family Conference about Unity and Love?

    While our three sons were living under our roof there were five words that struck fear in their hearts.

    “Time for a family conference”. 

    I suspect they felt I was being punitive when I called for a conference. The truth is I was pursuing protective love and not punishment. Protective love sees a dynamic that is hurting someone in the family and when one in the family is hurting all of us are hurting. 

    When I see the current dynamics of my universal Christian family I wish I could call a Jesus family conference with a heart of protective love. I see social media posts from friends who identify with Jesus that question the faith of those who disagree with them on social or political issues. That action dims the light of our witness for Christ and gives non-believers ammunition to dismiss our testimony.

    I recently read a social media comment about a person who posted something that they disagreed with.

    “How can they call themselves a Christian if they think that way?”

    I have a couple of thoughts about how that person might call themselves a Christian.

    1. Maybe they believe that Jesus died on the Cross for their sins, rose from the dead, and then provided a path of forgiveness and salvation. That is how I call myself a Christian even on my bad days.
    2. Maybe they are still in the process of spiritual growth and with loving discipleship they might begin to see your point of view (if you are correct). That can be a two-way street. I have changed my heart on a lot of issues since I began my journey over 50 years ago.

    So could that person who drew the judgement be wrong about their political or social beliefs?
    Yep.

    Could the social media judges be wrong?
    Yep.

    Paul talked about the damage done when we condemn other followers of Jesus.

    “So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 11 For the Scriptures say,

    “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
    ‘every knee will bend to me,
        and every tongue will declare allegiance to God.’”

    12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. 13 So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.”
    (Romans 14:10-13, NLT)

    There is no condemnation in Christ. I totally understand that there are cultural and political trends that dismay followers of Jesus. I support standing up for Scriptural truth. But I am convicted more than ever that the only way to have an impact is to communicate that truth in love and grace. I believe our priority should be to spread the love and light and hope of the Good News of the Gospel.

    I already know the push back from some readers. They remind me that Jesus got angry and even destructive when he overturned the tables in the Temple. Fair point. So I have compiled a brief survey to complete. Please check each statement that is true about you.

    _____ I have never sinned.

    _____ I know with 100 per cent accuracy the heart and motives of those I disagree with.

    If you can check both of those statements then I will happily grant you the “Jesus Exemption”. For the rest of us I would suggest that we concentrate more on following the words of Jesus.

    “Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that?” (Luke 6:31)

    Might I remind you that Jesus was constantly triggered by religious people (hypocrites) who did not live what they demanded from others.

    The early church had no chance to “win” the culture war. Instead they built a community of believers that infiltrated the culture with loving service.

    Truth communicated as law will harden hearts. Truth communicated with grace and love has a chance to soften and change them. I have never witnessed one single example of a person persuaded by a Facebook rant. I have seen hundreds hardened in their beliefs (right or wrong) by those tactics. 

    Change happens when God’s love breaks through the hurt and confusion of the past and shows the future hope of grace and forgiveness. I will buy you coffee if you can show when a positive change of heart happened by being harangued and called names. Spiritual change happens when the gentle and quiet voice of the Spirit touches a wounded heart. So my plea to my fellow followers of Jesus is to realize you represent Him when you proclaim your truths in the name of Jesus. If you are representing Jesus you have this standard to follow.

    God blesses those who work for peace,
        for they will be called the children of God. (Matthew 5:9)

    And I might call in Paul for backup at my family conference.

    Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4:29)

    Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. (Colossians 4:6)

    I know how easy it is to get riled up with social media threads but is name calling a way to represent the love of Jesus? Remember who you represent and respond accordingly. Scripture makes it clear.

    A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. (Luke 6:45)

    All followers of Jesus need to prayerfully examine our hearts before we hit send.

  • The Secret to a Happy Life? Don’t Blink!

    Bella seems surprised by the blog title but a song from Kenny Chesney caught my attention. In the lyrics an interviewer asks a man celebrating his one hundred and second birthday about his secret to life. His response?

    Don’t blink

    He talks about how life seems to be a blink from childhood to reaching the century mark. I’m still a ways from the century mark though my shoulder feels that old this morning. It seems like just yesterday that I was playing sandlot baseball as a kid. Moments ago I was in high school being Attention Deficit before ADD was cool. Just yesterday I met the stunning Joni Banks and somehow talked her into dating me. Wasn’t it just weeks ago that three adorable baby boys came into our lives? 

    Don’t blink.

    Married almost 49 years. Five decades of directing live TV sporting events. Seven grandchildren. Are you kidding me?

    I have had, if I may borrow the franchise of Frank Capra, a wonderful life. Through it all I feel blessed beyond comprehension. I believe that is because I found my reason for being here. Pastor and author Rick Warren summed it up nicely in a recent interview.

    People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond, In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body – but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense.

    Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one or you’re getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that’s not the goal of life: The goal is to grow in character, In Christ-likeness.

    If this is the warm-up act for my eternity gig on the main stage then all of this is merely preparation. Football players hate the two-a-day practices in the brutal heat. But they love the exhilaration of victory that the difficult preparation allows for later in the season. Sometimes the two-a-days of life seem cruel and without purpose. But my understanding of the God who made me and His purpose for me allows me to believe there is purpose and design. I don’t always see it. I love being happy and carefree. But if my purpose is preparation for my real gig then I need to live out of my new identity and trust God to mature me in Christ-likeness. Paul wrote this in the book of Colossians.

    Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Col 3, NLT)

    The lyrics quote the wide old man telling others how to finish strong.

    I was glued to my TV when it looked like he looked at me and said
    “Best start putting first things first.”
    Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand
    You can’t flip it over and start again
    Take every breath God gives you for what it’s worth

    The songwriter is correct. We have a pre-determined number of grains in the hourglass so I choose today to live in the moment in grace and freedom. Every breath is a gift even on the toughest days. Enjoy today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised.

    In no time at all on the eternity clock I will be with my Lord and Savior. I will be home. For my fellow sojourners I pray that you will trust that truth. You may face storms and deep valleys along the way. The secret to life? Trust a God who is trustworthy. And one more thing.

    Don’t blink. His blessings are all around you when your eyes are looking.