Charisa Stories

Tag: forgiveness

Contemplating Life Without Forgiveness

I recently discovered an immensely talented musician/producer/singer/songwriter from my hometown of Chillicothe, Ohio. Jerry Salley’s career in bluegrass, country, and gospel music has been remarkably successful.

I am not sure how I missed hearing about his music but count me grateful I found him. His most recent album, Bridges and Backroads, was produced during the pandemic year and it features a tribute to our mutual hometown of Chillicothe.

But one song keeps resonating in my heart as I listen to the album. Without Forgiveness opens during a wedding ceremony as he observes the starry-eyed love of a young couple. They are beginning a journey the writer knows will not always be idyllic. Relationships are hard and often messy. The chorus of the song sums up what that journey could look like if you choose the path of selfishness and pride.

Without forgiveness,
Life’s a long and empty road.
Without forgiveness,
We’d give up and just let go.

I’ve had a long term and probably unhealthy envy of songwriters who can say more in a stanza that I can blabber out in a lengthy chapter. And this next lyric is powerful.

Oh we never want to hurt each other,
That’s just somethin’ that were gonna’ do

We let often let relationships get away from us when we had no intention of wounding that person. Most of us bring baggage into relationships that can cause hurt. We can act out of childhood rejection and painful life experiences in ways we don’t even understand. But God has given us the tool to keep going.

Forgiveness.

Ruth Graham was once asked the key to making a marriage successful. Her insightful response was that “a great marriage is made up of two great forgivers.”

The math is important there. It takes two great forgivers that understand this relational journey requires patience, love, grace, and forgiveness from both partners. Jerry Salley asks the question that many have had answered with heartbreaking results.

And I hate to think what might become of me and you
Without forgiveness

There is a hope that is available to all of us. The song finishes by looking back to a blood stained street on a Friday afternoon long ago.

People on a hillside stand there lookin’ up.
To a Cross that says there’d be no hope for us,
Without forgiveness

That forgiveness from the finished work of our Lord Jesus Christ is the gift of grace that changes everything. I wrote about the process in my book Waking Up Slowly.

I imagine the heart of Jesus being broken by our stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness extended to us and consequently refusing to lean on His power to help us forgive.
There is fear on that road to forgiveness when you take your eyes off of Christ. Your heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds us gently that He understands.
When you break those chains and allow God to heal your heart the weight of the world will lift off of your soul. It is a long road to forgiveness. Sadly, it is too often the road less taken. But it is the road that will make a difference in your journey with Jesus.
Satan knows all too well how a world shown God’s love and grace would respond. So the enemy reminds us of grudges both real and enhanced. We turn from forgiveness because our offender does not deserve it. But there is no way I have found to release those grudges without the healing power of forgiveness. Author Will Davis wrote this powerful insight.
“Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground of emotional recovery. Forgiveness is to your soul what antibiotics are to infection. It is the curative agent that will help to fully restore your soul. It doesn’t immediately remove the pain of offense but it does start you on the road to recovery.”
I really like that perspective. The decision to forgive initiates but does not complete our healing. You will, in time, heal. I am asking you to pray that you can begin the healing process of forgiveness knowing that only time and God’s mercy can fully heal. That will start you down that road to forgiveness and empowerment to let go of the grudges that are weighing you down. You won’t get there today or tomorrow. But you will never get there without taking the first step of faith.
Waking Up Slowly: Spiritual Lessons from My Dog, My Kids, Critters, and Other Unexpected Places

Without forgiveness life’s a long and empty road. It doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus offers forgiveness. Accept that gift and give it freely to others. It is a much happier road to travel.

August 30, 2021
Reviewing the Jesus Contract

When Joni and I recently purchased a new house we visited the title company to sign the official documents. The person from the title company relentlessly pushed papers in front of us along with a brief description of what we were signing. My memory may not be exact but it was something like this.

This one says that the builder is transferring the deed to you. And this one says that you have paid the taxes that you owe to Caesar. This one says that you agree to let the HOA control everything you think and do. This one says that you are paying us random fees that you have no idea what they are or why they are needed but you have no choice. This one says a lawyer gets a lot of money for cut and pasting into a standard document. It was a mind-numbing process and by the end I probably would have signed anything put in front of me.
Title Company: “This one says you will give us a kidney if we ask you.”
Me: “Okay…Where do I sign?”

Seriously, we had carefully looked over the papers beforehand because we wanted to understand the significance of each document.

Later I wondering how a process like this could work when we decide to enter into a relationship with Jesus. What if we sat across from Jesus and signed off on everything He offered for our salvation? Would it help us to comprehend the amazing number of spiritual transactions that took place when Jesus became our substitute on the Cross? What would that closing appointment look like?

I imagined sitting down across from Jesus to close the deal. His smile was welcoming and kind as he arranged the papers on the table.

Jesus: I am rejoicing that you have decided to follow Me. Let’s start with this document. This is the Forgiveness contract. In this one all of your sins are forgiven. Past, present, and future. God the Father will remember them no more. Let me paraphrase how my servant Paul put it to the Roman believers.

Romans 8:1- So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Me.

Do you accept this offer?

Me: Absolutely!

Jesus: Next are the Adoption Papers. These say that you are now a child of God. You are no longer separated from the Father. Paul told the Galatians we are all children of God through faith. (Galatians 3:26) Just sign right here and know that now you are His beloved child. Trust me, that is a wonderful position to be in.

The next document is the Eternal Warranty. This says that I guarantee my work on the Cross forever. There is nothing Satan can do to change this agreement. I remember when I said this to John and he wrote it in His Gospel account.

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand. (John 10:28-29)

This can never be voided. You understand that I am guaranteeing this and you have to do nothing to keep it in place?

Me: I do. This is amazing.

Jesus: Sign here and I will tell you about our kingdom HOA agreement. It is a little different from your earthly version. It says here you have a home in Heaven and that you are part of the worldwide community of believers. That all of my followers will live together in the unity of the Holy Spirit. Paul explained it to the Corinthian Church…

For by one spirit we were all baptized into one body-whether Jews of Greeks, whether slaves or free-and have all been made to drink into one Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:13)

The next thing we need to look at is the Name Change document.

This one says you will have a new title. You are still Dave but you will be DBA (doing business as) with a new name. Saint. That’s right. All of my followers are saints because of their relationship with me.

Let’s talk about Dwelling Rights next. This document says the Holy Spirit will come to dwell in you. This is such good deal because the Spirit seals you and guides you every moment. You have the presence of God in you by simply agreeing with this truth. After you initial and sign that we will look at the Identity Protection contract.

This document says that you have a brand new identity and it cannot be taken away or hacked. It says that today you are spiritually regenerated as a result of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Gospel message that my Father gave to you through my life, death, and resurrection. Paul put in this way.

This means that anyone who belongs to (Me) has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Cor. 5:17)

You doing okay? You look a little overwhelmed. Let’s look at the Inheritance Clause. By agreeing to follow Me today you are now entitled to everything that the Father promises to Me. I know. That is amazing. There may be some trials along the way but it will be so worth it. Read what was written to the Roman Church.

And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. (Romans 8:17)

The next document says you don’t need to add anything else to complete this agreement. My sometimes impetuous child Peter said it very well.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. (2 Peter 1:3)

Everything is being given to you at this moment and it further states that you are complete and lacking nothing. You have power over Satan and you don’t need to be a slave to sin. But never forget where that power comes from. You can’t do it without Me.

Any questions?

Me: This is unbelievable. Surely I have to bring something to the table to complete this deal?

Jesus: Did you bring your sin?

Me: Yes. Lots of it.

Jesus: Do you recognize that you are separated from God by that sin and need a Savior to be reconciled and made right with Him?

Me: Definitely

Jesus: Do you believe that I took on your sin, went to the Cross, was killed, buried and rose again on the 3^rd day? Do you believe I am the way, the truth, and the life

Me: I do believe.

Jesus: Then you are paid in full. The contract is in effect and cannot be voided.

Me: Your grace is incomprehensible.

Jesus smiles and stands up. He moves toward me and embraces me.

There is one more thing I need to say. Welcome to the Family!

November 23, 2020
What Do Real Christians Do?

Recently I passed a highway billboard with this message.

Real Christians Obey Jesus.

I get the intent of the message. Too many folks leave their Sunday Lesson in the parking lot as they drive to lunch. But exactly what does it mean to be a “real Christian”? We subtly (or in my own experience, not so subtly) program Christians to believe that growth is about doing more right things. That righteousness somehow involves my extraordinary efforts for Jesus. We imply that change can only happen when you are trying hard and being disciplined for God. The truth is that a dramatic change has already happened when you make that faith commitment to follow Jesus. I think one of the biggest problems in the church is that we don’t teach clearly and repetitively what happens at the very moment we put our faith in the finished work of Christ.

Let’s just hit the highlights. Scripture tells you that at that moment you have a new identity. You are literally a new creation. God sees you as righteous because of your relationship with Jesus. That’s it. Nothing you have done or ever will do earns that righteousness. It is a gift of grace. You are a saint. Redeemed. Adopted as His beloved child. Right then. Before you do a single thing. You are changed completely when you trust Christ.

The trick is living out of that truth. Instead of exhausting effort to try and change I now see Jesus putting His arm around me and explaining that I have been already been changed. I see Him telling me that my sins are completely forgiven. I see Him explaining to me that all of those things that used to be true about me are no longer true. That no matter what the Accuser might say those things are dead and buried at the Cross. I don’t have to grit my teeth and try harder to win favor and please Him. That sin does not have power over me anymore. That if I trust Him and let God love me I will please Him. My faith and trust is what pleases Him according to God’s Word.

All I need to do to be a “real” Christian is to believe and trust that. I have been a follower of Jesus for five decades. During stretches of that journey you would have been hard pressed to see if that my faith was real. What potential judges would not have seen was that Jesus was slowly and patiently working in my life to make me more in His image. I am a very different person today than I was in my early walk. It was never helpful to have someone point out that “if I was a real Christian” I would be doing this or that. What did help was having grace filled believers come along side me, believe in me, and help me find the gift of grace that Jesus offers. Those are the people you remember with gratitude and joy.

Jesus talks about how we limit our ability to have peace when we don’t allow Him to provide us with strength. He didn’t mention a harness of legalism and works. He talked instead about a yoke, and that His yoke is “easy.”

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT)

Jesus wants you to don His yoke. Trust Him. Have faith. He has done the heavy lifting already. Rest in Him. Learn how to be humble and gentle in spirit. Quit trying so dadgum (that may not be in the Greek) hard and serve out of grateful love. Jesus tells us when we believe those truths, our burdens are light. The walk with Him is easy and natural.

Being a “real” Christian means beginning each day with a profound sense of gratitude that Jesus offered me this gift of grace. A “real” Christian would never, never, never take advantage of a God who loves you so much that such a sacrifice was made.

I do believe a “real” Christian obeys Jesus but it is so critical to clarify why and how. I obey out of gratitude for His grace. I love Him because He loved me first. Jesus loved me when I was unlovable. Forgave me when I was unforgivable. How hard is it to follow and obey someone who loves you like that? Not hard at all. And that is real.

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly

October 12, 2020
21 Connect: Day 9 – Grudges Weigh You Down

Carrying a grudge is so easy to do. But I think this writer nails how counterproductive the practice really is.

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

William H. Walton

I think we can all agree that God is not honored when we hold grudges, especially against fellow believers. I can disagree with you, but unless the issue is heresy, I do not have permission to dismiss you. We need to iron it out and make up.

That is not the easiest path. My default response when I am wronged is usually sinful, and I take a little comfort that I am not unique. A couple of guys who were really close to Jesus had the same sinful response to bad behavior:

He sent messengers ahead to a Samaritan village to prepare for his arrival. But the people of the village did not welcome Jesus because he was on his way to Jerusalem. When James and John saw this, they said to Jesus, “Lord, should we call down fire from heaven to burn them up?” Luke 9:52-54

My response? You betcha! Fire! Bring it, Jesus! But what was His response?

Jesus turned and rebuked them. So they went on to another village. Luke 9:55-56

As much as my heart cries out for vindication and revenge, Jesus says no. You go on to the next village. You trust God. You forgive. This journey is hard because my sense of justice says that maybe they deserve fire from heaven. But it gets even tougher. Jesus says to forgive my enemies.

I resist with my well-rehearsed five-step program. Step one is to blame someone else. Step two is to vow not to back down and give in because, after all, I was wronged. Step three is to go into hiding and despair. Step four is to be too proud to lose the battle. Step five is to hang on to the grudge, even as the weight of that animosity crushes my spirit. That is an ugly little sequence, but it is a pattern I have repeated far too many times in my journey. I imagine Jesus’ heart is saddened by my stubborn refusal to consider His forgiveness extended to me and, consequently, my refusal to lean on His power to forgive.

There is fear on that road to forgiveness, when I take my eyes off of Christ. My heart cries out in protest. What if they reject, scoff, or take advantage of my forgiveness? Jesus reminds me gently that He understands. And it is the right thing to do, no matter how the other party responds.

Sometimes truth is irritating.

When I break those chains and allow God to heal my heart, the weight of the world is lifted off my soul. Sadly, too often, it is the road less taken. But it is the path that will make a difference in my (and your) journey with Jesus.

I love these principles of Christian living, often attributed to St. Augustine:

“In essentials, Unity. In non-essentials, Liberty. In everything, Love.”

What would the impact of the gospel be if the body of Christ lived by that simple little credo? Satan knows all too well how a world that is shown God’s real love and grace would respond. So the enemy reminds me of grudges both real and enhanced. I turn from forgiveness because I convince myself that my offender does not deserve it. I conveniently forget that I did not deserve forgiveness either. There is no way I have found to release those grudges without the healing power of forgiveness. Author Will Davis Jr. explains:

Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground of emotional recovery. Forgiveness is to your soul what
antibiotics are to infection. It is the curative agent that will help to fully restore your soul. It doesn’t immediately remove the pain of the offense but it does start you on the road to recovery.

I really like that perspective. The decision to forgive initiates but does not complete healing. You and I will, in time, heal. But we will never get there without taking the first step of faith. Would you decide to lighten your load today and give up the grudge?

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly.

March 28, 2020
21 Connect: Day 3 Busyness is Not Next to Godliness

My personal belief is that one of the biggest and most damaging mistakes that the church makes with new believers is not teaching clearly and continually what happens when
you put your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. It seems that we too often get young Christians immediately into studies and activities, suggesting that change can happen only when you are trying hard and concentrating on the spiritual disciplines.

That was my struggle for forty years before I realized a simple truth. Dramatic change took place the moment I made that faith commitment to follow Jesus. Scripture tells
me that when I decided to become a follower of Christ, the following things happened immediately:

I was given a new identity.
I became a new creation.
I received the gift of the righteousness of Christ.

I struggle with that concept because I am not always righteous in my behavior. That may well be the biggest understatement in this volume. Here is the amazing theology of the gospel: God sees me as righteous and worthy because of my relationship with Jesus. Nothing I have done or ever will do could earn that righteousness. It is a gift of grace because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross.

I was changed completely when I put my trust in Christ as my only hope for salvation. I did not have to struggle with futile performance to change. I was changed that day. But it has taken me forty years to know Him better, never realizing I had been carrying around the key to that kind of relationship since day one.

Now I see a different picture. I see Jesus standing at my side and explaining that I am completely changed. I see Him telling me that my sins are forgiven and I can quit relitigating past mistakes. I see Him explaining to me that all of those things that used to be true about me are no longer true. I see Him repeating that, because I tend to nod my head without really believing it. Jesus explains to me that no matter what the accuser might say, those things that used to define me are dead and buried at the Cross. I see Jesus telling me that I have the Holy Spirit to comfort me and provide an unshakable source of strength.

He reminds me gently that I don’t have to grit my teeth and try harder to win favor and please Him. He tells me for the ten
thousandth time that sin does not have power over me anymore.

And I see His demeanor being just as patient and kind as the first time He told me that truth. I hear Him remind me that power over sin is looking to Him for my strength and not trying to fight it with my busyness and resolve.

I see Jesus looking deeply into my eyes and tenderly expressing (again) that it is my trust in God that pleases Him. No other works are required. My faith is what pleases Him according to God’s Word. Nothing else. I picture Jesus embracing me and saying, “Relax. Rest. Let Me love you and then, out of that rest and love, you can love others. Quit making it so complicated, Dave.”

I have a hard time putting my full weight on those truths. Today I want to meditate on these words from Jesus.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30, NLT

What a wonderful thought for such a time as this.

Excerpts from Waking Up Slowly.

March 22, 2020
Monday Musings – Looks Can Be Deceiving

We had the privilege of hosting our dear friend Deb Johnson this weekend. Since she and hubby Brad moved to Nebraska those opportunities are too few. She told us that they dodged disaster when a massive tree limb crashed into their back yard and somehow managed to miss everything. Thankfully no one or no thing was damaged. Pictures showed the enormity of the fallen limb.

An arborist estimated this magnificent Oak was a century old. Deb told us his observation about that towering tree. “No one could have known this tree was sick or weakened just by looking at it”. The arborist pointed out evidence of diseased wood on the fallen branch. Even though the tree itself still looked healthy and vibrant it was dying from the inside out. The bark and leaves looked fine but the core was dying. Soon another great branch would be weakened enough to crash down.

Deb told me how that tree seemed to parallel our spiritual lives. “We can look great on the outside and be dying inside,” she noted. “Do you think that is a good spiritual analogy?”

No Deb, I don’t. I think that is a great spiritual analogy! That is exactly what Jesus was talking about when He excoriated the Pharisees. They looked fantastic. They dressed in beautiful garments. They had the best education and they could articulate the Scriptures. They could embarrass the average person with their extraordinary knowledge about details of the law and what it took to be holy. They were the cultural creme de la creme when it came to righteousness.

That is until Jesus came along. Can you imagine the looks on their smug faces when Jesus looked deep into their hearts and saw the disease of sin growing under the prayer boxes and tassled robes.

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too.

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness. (Matthew 23:25-28, NLT)

We are no different. We like to look good to other people. We like to act like all is well and we are doing fine. We don’t want to admit that we are failing or that we need help. But inside we are slowly dying. No one can see it but sin is rotting away our strength. How many times has a respected person crashed into significant sin as unexpectedly as that giant branch crashed into our friend’s yard. The response is usually the same. “I had no idea they could ever do that. I never saw that coming.”

That is how sin works when we try to manage it or cover it with activity and self-striving. I know me. I know that I must seek the illuminating light of the Holy Spirit to help me see the filth and greed and self-indulgence that lies within or I could fall with a sickening thud as well. There have been times when I read those verses and felt smugly superior to those uptight spiritual leaders. Forgive me for my arrogance. As I get older I have learned a sad truth. I am just like the Pharisees.

I need to lean daily on grace and my identity in Jesus. Knowing who I am in Christ gives me the freedom to look into my heart without risk of condemnation. And that identity also gives me the freedom to let trusted others know that I am not always healthy and clean and vibrant. I am often dry and wounded and filthy. I need Jesus and I need you. But I have to be honest with both Jesus and my community to stay healthy. And the crazy thing is that when I am honest with others about my desperate need for grace the power of the Gospel becomes real. It truly is Good News!

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. (John 1:12, NLT)

I hope your week is full of blessings and grace.

November 3, 2014