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Last March I posted a blog about a flap occurring at a Dallas area high school. The story confirmed one of my developing beliefs that the biggest problem with kids activities is adults. A little background from the first post.

The news story was about the selection process for cheerleaders. Here is an excerpt…

Southlake Carroll high school is in the midst of turmoil over the results of the cheerleader selection process. The controversy has actually reached the school board trustees who are being forced to weigh in on a no win issue. Parents are filing grievances. Classmates are choosing sides. Suggested new cheer:

Fight, team, Fight!
Fight, parents, Fight!
Fight, fight, fight!

Initially fourteen girls made high enough scores to make the squad. A grievance was filed. The school decided to add four seniors. More grievances were filed. Then the school decided to include all thirty-two of the girls who auditioned on the team. More grievances were filed. The parents of the original fourteen argued that their daughters demonstrated the skills required to make the team. Those parents ratcheted up the battle by going over the school administration’s heads to the school board trustees. 

The Dallas Morning News  reported that after several hours in closed session Monday, board members ruled 4-2 that the 14 girls who initially qualified for the squad should stay. The rest of the squad will be selected at a later date and time. Some of the original 14 cheerleaders applauded after the board vote. One cheerleader who made the first cut, said allowing everyone on the squad who auditioned “doesn’t teach anyone a lesson. It’s the principle,” she said. “It’s the work ethic behind it.”

Fast forward to today’s edition of the Dallas Morning News  and we find that now the courts might get involved. Allegations of harassment, assault between parents (seriously), defamation, and uneven distribution of demerits are just some of the charges flying. And this is over an extra-curricular school activity.  

As the father of three sons I did not have the cheerleader thing going on. But Joni and I were squarely in the middle of youth sports.  I have seen the effects of the traveling squads and elite teams. Sure, some scholarship athletes come out of those programs. But the unseen consequence is that we (alleged adults) have sucked the fun out of childhood sports for a large percentage of the participants.

Warning…geezer rant directly ahead: 

I remember playing sandlot baseball for hours because I loved the game. I also played in an organized league but my joy and love for baseball came from the hours of camaraderie built around the sandlot games. I learned more about tough negotiations playing in my friend Vic’s backyard than I ever learned in school. For example, we were able to hammer out the Hirn Street Accord with this rule. Any ball hit into Mr.Moore’s garden was an automatic out because we were afraid of him. And so I learned to hit the ball to the opposite field because of a grouchy old man. When was the last time you drove through a neighborhood and saw a group of kids playing baseball just for fun? What you likely saw was a bunch of dads in bad coaching shorts yelling at eight year olds for being, well, eight year olds.Why do so many of us feel the need to live out our athletic prowess, real or imagined, through our children? 

Geezer rant over…resume normal reading.

I have been one of those dads. I dreamed that one of my sons would be a great pitcher or all state basketball player. Now that I am 50 something I can ask myself the question that I apparently never considered before. Where did I expect my sons to get those athletic genes? I have coached youth all-star teams in a competitive league so I am not naive about the topic of parents and competition. I wonder in retrospect if I allowed the kids to have enough fun in the process of teaching them a game I love? I wonder if winning was just a little too important? I wonder if I caused any of them to love the game less? The ugliest split I have ever seen outside of church was a group of parents fighting over all-star selections and subsequent playing time. It was an early indoctrination to the perils of writing this humble blog. I have had to come to grips with the fact that people will call you names and question the marital status of your parents just because they disagree with your opinions. And the all-star parents were even worse.

There are a lot of lessons that can be taught through life experiences like this. For example, for the cheerleader candidates that are blessed with the attractiveness and skills to make the cut there is the lesson of humility and grace toward those who haven’t been so blessed. Some could work just as hard and not make the cut. It is not just about work ethic. It is also about the basic skills that you inherited.

For the cheerleader candidates who feel the process was biased there is the very real lesson that life is hard and often not fair. I am sure my sons would tell you that if they had five dollars for everytime I told them, “life isn’t fair”, they could likely buy a new car. When we try to protect our kids from life we really aren’t doing them any favors. I have had my heart broken watching my sons go through the often brutal process of adolescent and teenage passage. But as a father, my job was to prepare them to go into a world that is every bit as difficult and more. So sometimes I had to lay out and let them experience some pain and then help them get through it.

As Christians we can make the same mistake. “Jesus is the answer” we say with giant smiles on our faces. And He is. He is the answer to the search for significance and to fill the longing of our soul. But He does not guarantee perfect health or a trouble free life. We do seekers a disservice by intimating that following Jesus results in nonstop green lights and blue skies. That is why Jesus prioritized a few things for us.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Jesus knew that trouble was a part of the process. He also taught us that God will provide our needs. We too often are disappointed at God when we feel He doesn’t provide our wants (that we perceive as needs). Life isn’t fair. The sooner we can teach our kids to understand that truth the better they will be prepared for the journey ahead. And frankly, the sooner we understand that we will be disappointed less often and begin, as Paul learned, to be content with our circumstances. If we understand the same lesson we will be better prepared to accept the troubles of life and trust God to help us get through them. Life still isn’t fair. And I don’t expect that to change.

 

It was good to hear from the official agnostic poster of this humble site…Shawn from Ohio. Shawn and I don’t agree on much of anything (except for our love of the Ohio State University and the need for civil discourse) but we do agree completely on a point he made in a recent post.

Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will show their true selves.

Amen. No offense meant, Shawn.

Christian thinker and writer Brennan Manning has a quote made famous by the group DC Talk…

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and get on with their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

The search for authentic Christians reminded me of one of my favorite ancient characters, the philosopher Diogenes of Sinope. Born in Turkey about 400 years before Christ, he was a student of Antisthenes (444-370 BC), who was himself a pupil of Socrates. His philosophy was “marked by an ostentatious contempt for ease, wealth, and the enjoyments of life.” Diogenes would have had a field day skewering the consumerism and materialism in modern day America. One of the things that I love about Diogenes is his moniker. The irascible philosopher was known as Diogenes the Cynic. What a great name! How cool would that be to have a title like that? It certainly is better than Diogenes of Sinope. I would gladly swap Dave of Garland for Dave the Self-Deprecating as my appellation any day.

One story relates that while Diogenes was sunning himself, the powerful and feared Alexander the Great came up to him and offered to grant him any request. “Stand out of my light,” he replied. For a man who lived in a tub that was probably all he needed at that point in time.

When asked what wine he found most pleasant to drink, Diogenes replied, “That for which other people pay.” (So I actually do think like some of the great philosophers at times). But the name Diogenes is most known to the general populace as the man who would stroll through the Agora at full daylight with a torch (or, as legend sometimes has it, a lantern). When asked about it, he would answer, “I am just looking for an honest man”.

While I part company on much of Diogenes philosophy his search for an honest man resonates with me. This will likely sound harsher than intended but sometimes I feel like taking up the lantern and going out in search of one authentic Christian. Please hold the e-mails about how negative and judgmental I am. I know they are out there. But what breaks my heart is how many people are not living an authentic and transparent life as followers of Jesus. That is what those outside of the body of Christ see far too often. Is that a smokescreen by those who reject faith to avoid the question of who Jesus really is? Of course it can be. But I do not want on my ledger that I was a person that someone looked at to evaluate the Christian faith and I showed them nothing. Or at least not enough to find it compelling.

That is why I would choose Dave the Self-Deprecating as my title. I am not using the definition of self-deprecating that means to undervalue one’s abilities. That would be a false humility. I am talking about being able to see and admit my shortcomings. Simply being honest and real. I have to admit that I have grown to really dislike the smug little phrase “I’m not perfect, just forgiven.” I know it is true but I have seen that used as a convenient excuse for not doing the right thing. Part of the acknowledgment of forgiveness and grace is realizing how much we need to forgive and extend grace. Every time I fail as a representative of Jesus I need to repent (change direction) and repair the damage. I am a sinner saved by grace. Because I received grace I must also dispense it if I am to follow Jesus.

The parts of Diongene’s philosophies that apply to me are summed up in these points.

• Living by personal example
  
• Exposing the falsehood of conventional thinking
  
• Exposing vice and conceit

That would be a decent road map for a follower of Jesus.

• Walk what you talk
  
• Share the hope that is in Jesus, not in this world
  
• Hold one another accountable in our walk

James was a straight shooter. Here are his words in the second chapter of James.

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing,  and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.”
But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.”  NLT

Is James saying that our salvation is obtained only by a combo platter of faith and works? Not at all. Salvation is entirely a product of grace and faith. But James is correctly saying that a living faith manifests itself in good deeds. How can it not? Like a physician, a follower of Christ should pray and strive to “do no harm”. In our case as Christians we should live our lives in a way that we do no harm to the name of Jesus.

If Diogenes were walking around Garland, Texas today with his lantern looking for one authentic Christian and ran into me…would he put his lamp down? And would his quest be accomplished if he encountered you?

Periodically we warm-up a vacuum sealed leftover when time does not allow a fresh entree. Hope you enjoy this look back at one of the odd quirks of a Founding Father and how it relates to you and me – Blessings, Dave

Thomas Jefferson is an enigma for many. An article by Bruce Tomoso in the Dallas Morning News noted that his enemies accused him of being an atheist and yet he started the statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom with the phrase, “Almighty God hath created the mind free.” But he certainly would not have been invited to speak at an evangelical conference to share his beliefs that most clergymen are “soothsayers and necromancers.” You likely have a bigger brain than I do but I will confess that I had to look up necromancers. It literally means one who interrogates the dead. Okay. Not sure what church Jefferson was frequenting but clearly he had some issues with clergy and he believed that most of what they preached was a mockery of Jesus’ teachings.

Jefferson “believed that an authentic Christianity had long ago been hijacked by the Christian Church,” wrote Erik Reece in the December Harper’s. Jefferson decided to just fix the problem. So he took out his scissors and cut out the parts of the Bible that he didn’t believe. “Jefferson,” Mr. Reece wrote, “cut out the virgin birth, all the miracles – including the most important one, the Resurrection – then pasted together what was left and called it ‘The Philosophy of Jesus of Nazareth.’ ” (Later, he added portions of the Bible as translated into Greek, Latin and French.) Jefferson described his work as separating the “diamonds from the dunghill.” Out went all references to Jesus as divine, all accounts of healings, of walking on water, of making loaves and fish appear out of thin air. What remains? His teachings about helping the needy, shunning earthly wealth and power, treating people as we would have them treat us – in Jefferson’s words, “the most sublime and benevolent code of morals which has ever been offered to man.”

Mr. Tomoso wrote that “not all scholars are impressed.” Historian Garry Wills, a Catholic, writes that Jefferson’s Gospel, “cleansed of all the supernatural hocus-pocus, is the tale of a good man, a very good man, perhaps the best of good men.” But, he argues, the Jesus of Jefferson is boring, utterly without mystery, “shorn of his paradoxes and left with platitudes.”

It is so easy to criticize Jefferson. What audacity! The incredible chutzpah to modify sacred texts to fit your own views! But then I took a breath and stepped back. Do I do the very same thing at times without the in your face honesty of Jefferson? When I choose to ignore the hard teachings of Jesus I have, in practice, done the same thing. I just skipped the scissors. When I say that some command in God’s Word is too hard I have essentially taken my scissors of intellectual and spiritual doubt and cut that teaching out. When I point out that I cannot forgive or love or give because you don’t understand my circumstances I have clipped out the challenge of supernatural living. In my book When Bad Christians Happen to Good People  I wrote a chapter called “This is a Hard Teaching” about the challenging and difficult things that Jesus taught that I tend to mentally, emotionally, and practically excise from my walk. Let me give a couple of examples.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven,  Matt 5: 11-12

Do I believe that? Does feeling blessed even cross my radar if I feel insulted? Do I rejoice? Or do I simply pull out the scissors, clip, and concentrate on the ones I am more comfortable with like this.

Blessed are the merciful,
      for they will be shown mercy. 

That’s better. I can live with that. But when I read words from Jesus like this I start to squirm again.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[h] and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

Are you kidding me? Love your enemies? Pray for them? Shears please…that must be removed. I often feel like the disciples of Jesus who struggled with His teaching about the bread of life.

On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” 
 Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you?

That is the bottom line isn’t it? Sometimes the hard teachings of Jesus offend me. Or at least annoy me.  I don’t want to forgive the unforgivable or love the unloveable. I don’t want to serve the least of these because it is inconvenient, messy, and hard.  But I have a choice to make. I have to accept the entire Word of God and be open to allowing the Holy Spirit to move in every area of my life. Or I have to take the scissors of my lack of faith to His Word. As for cutting out the miracles and just making Jesus a profound and amazing teacher. I don’t think that He gave us that option. He clearly let it be known that He was the Son of Man sent by His Father in heaven. If that is not the truth then Jesus was not a great man and teacher. He was, in the famous words of C.S.Lewis from Mere Christianity, a liar or a lunatic.

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon and you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronising nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

I am praying for the grace to embrace the hard teachings. Simply cutting those difficult passages out of my life is not an option that God has given to me. So I am also praying that I will leave the scissors in the drawer. Jesus never promised this would be easy. But He did offer this promise to me.

And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.  Matt 28  NLT

Following Christ can be a very difficult journey at times. Experiencing the truth of those words in Matthew makes it possible.

 

 

Leo Durocher allegedly said that “nice guys finish last”. When you look at the most successful coaches of recent years you would not generally use “nice” as the first descriptive word.

Indianapolis Colts Coach Tony Dungy is one of the nicest, most admired men in professional sports. He has the respect of his team and those who follow the sport. One year ago he dealt with the tragic death of his son James with dignity and strength. Last Sunday he coached his team to a win in the Super Bowl. And now he has created controversy with this statement made to CBS sportscaster Jim Nantz after the game.

Jim Nantz of CBS Sports: This is one of those moments, Tony, where there is also social significance in this victory, and to have your hands on the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Tell me what this means to you right now.
Tony Dungy: I’ll tell you what. I’m proud to be representing African-American coaches, to be the first African-American to win this. It means an awful lot to our country. But again, more than anything, I’ve said it before, Lovie Smith and I, not only the first two African-Americans, but Christian coaches showing that you can win doing it the Lord’s way. And we’re more proud of that.

The blogosphere lit up with analysis of Dungy’s comments. LA Daily News Columnist Kevin Modesti  wrote a piece that praised Dungy’s character while still asking a few questions. I have added my comments after each query.

Does Dungy really think “showing that you can win doing it the Lord’s way” has more social significance than breaking the Al Campanis generation’s stereotypes about blacks in sports management positions?

No. I think he was saying that the individual viewer and the country would decide the social significance. Nance asked him what the accomplishment meant to him. Tony Dungy was speaking for himself and for his good friend Lovie Smith. They believed that winning while living by their faith and principles meant more to them than the race issue.  Dungy answered the question honestly. Isn’t that what we clamor for from celebrities. Or would we prefer the tried and true cliché fest immortalized in the movie Bull Durham

Crash Davis: It’s time to work on your interviews.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash Davis: You’re gonna have to learn your clichés. You’re gonna have to study them, you’re gonna have to know them. They’re your friends. Write this down: “We gotta play it one day at a time.”
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Got to play… it’s pretty boring.
Crash Davis: ‘Course it’s boring, that’s the point. Write it down.

Tony Dungy answered the question that was posed. And it wasn’t boring.

Was he suggesting that alongside black kids inspired by the sight of two black men at pro football’s pinnacle, there are Christian kids whose minds have been changed about whether they can make it big?

Don’t think so. I think he was saying that you can be successful and hold onto your faith. Period.

Should other winning football coaches take offense from the implication that they’ve been doing it the morally corrupt way?

No. But I suspect that at least a couple of coaches are looking to adopt the “Lord’s Game Plan” before training camp starts. West Coast offense. 3– 4 defense. Lord’s way. Whatever it takes to win.

Should believers of other religions take offense from any or all of this?

Why should they? Tony Dungy has earned the platform to speak by consistently living his faith through adversity and heart wrenching tragedy. Dungy was saying that he had stayed true to his values and that he was successful with those values. Dungy doesn’t curse. He never raises his voice. He doesn’t demean his opponents or his players. Are those exclusively Christian values? Of course not. An agnostic could be just as nice and soft spoken and civil. But for Tony Dungy it was his faith in Christ that was the foundation for his values and approach. Christianity worked for him. He earned the right to speak and he spoke. Good for him. And I have to tell you it is really nice to see a nice guy finish first.

 

 

 

 

Last week I was spending a few minutes at Baton Rouge Airport before heading home. The airport is designed with a large central glass dome and some trees in the middle of the atrium. The early morning rush was over and the airport was surprisingly quiet. I heard something that caught my attention.

Chirping.

Not some bozo on a cell phone. Actual bird chirping. I looked up and saw what looked like a couple of sparrows flitting about near the top of the atrium. Somehow these wild birds had found their way inside the airport terminal. I watched them for awhile and I thought about how cold it was outside that day. I reflected on how “lucky” those birds were to be in a climate controlled atrium and not have to brave the elements. They could forage amongst the left over food of the travelers. What a life!

And then it hit me. That is how I tend to live my Christian life. Seeking comfort over challenge. Safety over risk. I looked at that bird in his artificial and safe environment and I surmised that was a good life for those birds. But that was not what birds were created to be. Those sparrows were created to fly freely. They were designed to soar without hitting the glass ceiling of safety.

God did not not create me to live in a climate controlled atrium of safety. Living that kind of Christian life is so easy in America. There is a safe path of least resistance to be a Christian in this country. No resistance just might mean you aren’t doing anything that threatens Satan. In basketball you don’t guard the players that aren’t doing anything. They pose no threat to your goal of winning the game.

Comfy Christianity is epidemic in America. We encounter a store that won’t say Merry Christmas and we think we are persecuted. God help us.

We send checks instead of serving. But according to most giving research we don’t even do that very well.

God has called me (and you) to give and to serve. In the Civil War the wealthy paid poor men to go “serve” for them. I remember having such disdain when I read that bit of history. But don’t I do the same thing in my Christian journey? I feel really good if I pay a missionary to go reach the world with the message of Jesus. I feel like I am godly if I give to the church so the “professionals” can do ministry. But God is asking me to do both. Give and serve. Maybe not be a missionary but certainly to reach out to my neighbor and my community. I was not created to live in a safe dome of climate controlled Christianity. Jesus is not safe. Following Him will take you out of the comfort zone and into the messy world of ministry. How did the early church explode against all odds? The Church History Institute makes these points in an article on the early church history.

After the Apostle Paul, we do not run across many “big names” as missionaries in the first few hundred years of Christian history. Instead the faith spread through a multitude of humble, ordinary believers whose names have been long forgotten. Early Christianity was primarily an urban faith, establishing itself in the city centers of the Roman Empire. Most of the people lived close together in crowded tenements. There were few secrets in such a setting. The faith spread as neighbors saw the lives of the believers close-up, on a daily basis.

It is too often a tragic occurance that careful observation of modern Christians on a close-up, daily basis is a reason to turn away from faith, not toward it. The article goes on…

And what kind of lives did they lead? Justin Martyr, a noted early Christian theologian, wrote to Emperor Antoninus Pius and described the believers: “We formerly rejoiced in uncleanness of life, but now love only chastity; before we used the magic arts, but now dedicate ourselves to the true and unbegotten God; before we loved money and possessions more than anything, but now we share what we have and to everyone who is in need; before we hated one another and killed one another and would not eat with those of another race, but now since the manifestation of Christ, we have come to a common life and pray for our enemies and try to win over those who hate us without just cause.”

In another place Justin points out how those opposed to Christianity were sometimes won over as they saw the consistency in the lives of believers, noting their extraordinary forbearance when cheated and their honesty in business dealings.

Perhaps the main reason the early church exploded is contained in the lyric of a simple song we used to sing while we were on staff with Campus Crusade.

They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love. They will know we are Christians by our love.

Will they? Those exposed to the early church knew the people called Christians were different. Very different. The article continues.

Christians became known as those who cared for the sick. Many were known for the healings that resulted from their prayers. Christians also started the first “Meals on Wheels.” By the year 250, they were feeding more than 1500 of the hungry and destitute in Rome every day.

When Emperor Julian (“the Apostate”) wanted to revive pagan religion in the mid-300s, he gave a most helpful insight into how the church spread. This opponent of the faith said that Christianity “has been specially advanced through the loving service rendered to strangers and through their care of the burial of the dead. It is a scandal that there is not a single Jew who is a beggar and that the [Christians] care not only for their own poor but for ours as well; while those who belong to us look in vain for the help we should render them.”

Oh that we could adopt a “scandalous” faith that would not overlook a beggar or turn away from those who need care. Those who labor in love serving the AID’s victims in Africa are following that tradition. Is it a surprise that Christianity is growing so rapidly in Africa? God bless you. The brave followers of Jesus who carry the gospel to countries where persecution is real are following the example of the early church. God protect you.

For the rest of us the questions are uncomfortable. Are we willing to leave the climate controlled Christianity that is so comfy and fly outside where it is risky and dangerous? That is what we were created to be. I pray I will have the courage to take wing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Regular readers of these humble ramblings know that if I use all caps this is serious stuff. Most of the feedback I get at this site is incredibly thoughtful, graceful, and kind. Some of the feedback makes me sigh deeply and wonder how they could possibly get that interpretation from what I wrote? Sometimes the legalistic spiritual hall monitors will drop by to make sure I parsed a verb correctly and then they will dump a little deposit of condescension or judgment. A few try to use this site for their personal agenda without regard to the actual point of the post. Those responders find themselves in the cyber trash can. Last week I received some feedback that made me sad, anxious, and a little frightened. And that is why I felt compelled to write this warning.

I had written a blog called “Do It Anyway”. The gist of the article was that we too often take the safe route and don’t take the risks that God might be asking us to take. From that article I received this response from a reader.

I’m sitting at work trying to hold back tears all morning over whether
I should leave my very emotionally abusive fiance and return to being a hermit, and then I read this.

What would Jesus have me do. So much pain.

The feedback post was signed “Withheld”. I have been agonizing over that note. My article was directed at people who are wounded by life and love and then never try again. It was directed at people who let little differences become big issues. My thoughts were directed at Christians who cannot extend grace but demand to receive it. The situation that “Withheld” described does not fall within the parameters of that piece. Being in a relationship with an abusive person requires help beyond your humble correspondent. I can tell you that an emotionally abusive person before marriage will likely get worse after marriage. I would suggest you find professional advice and the godly counsel of mature Christian men or women (I don’t know your gender).

I do know this. Jesus would have you be in a relationship that honors Him. Can you do that in this relationship? It seems unlikely. The major point of my article was not intended to suggest that you stay in an impossible situation and simply suffer without hope. The point was choosing to keep trying and taking the chance to find relationships that grow you and honor Him. You cannot do that by becoming a hermit. That is not what Jesus would have you do nor is that His design for us. And I am sure of one more thing that Jesus would have you do. Take the pain to Him and allow the comfort of the Holy Spirit to help you though this time.

As for my disclaimers to readers of this site…

1. I am just a sinner saved by God’s amazing grace who is silly enough to share his journey in these ramblings. What I write is not necessarily gospel truth. It is like dumbed down proverbs…hopefully some godly principles gleaned from experience and His word.
   
2. I write about what God is teaching me as I follow Jesus. Some of that may touch you or apply to your life. Some of it may make you feel superior (that is my ministry…to make other Christians feel better about themselves). But please do not take what I write as absolute truth for you. Evaluate anything that you read (from me or any other Christian writer) against the template of truth that is God’s Word. Seek the counsel of godly men and women who have lived the journey and lived it well.
   
3. Because I write about principles and not specifics (except my own) you cannot automatically assume that what I write applies to your situation. Again, test it against His Word, through prayer, and through the sounding board of other godly men or women. Paul told the saints at Thessalonica to do just that.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies, but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good.

Note the admonitions leading up to testing the words of others. To be joyful, pray without ceasing, be thankful, listen to the Holy Spirit, and then you can “test” what is said and hold onto what is good.

I began my book When Bad Christians Happen to Good People with this disclaimer.

I am a hypocrite. I can be arrogant and selfish. I have been known to stretch, conceal, or slightly massage the truth. I am sometimes inconsiderate and insecure. I struggle with lust and impure thoughts. My ego often rages out of control, and I battle foolish pride. I can be lazy and foolhardy with my time. I get angry, petty, and ill-tempered. I am sarcastic and cynical.

I am a Christian.

Not much has changed. I have gotten a little better on some of that list and a lot better at some others. But I am still in an ongoing, sometimes agonizing and unending process toward holiness. Sometimes I stumble on truth and I might even communicate it in a way that connects with you. But real truth comes from the Word of God and the indwelling of His Spirit. That is the quiet little voice that is trying to get your attention during the crashing storms.

I am honored and blessed that you visit here and read my words. Just remember that I am only a fellow traveler on the narrow road. Sometimes I hit a home run. But sometimes I swing mightily and miss by a mile. Leaning on His Word and His Spirit will help you discern the difference.

I understand the importance of copyright protection. I have written two books and I would not want my hard work to be pirated for someone else’s personal gain. Especially since I have gotten little personal gain from them myself. I get the reasoning for copyright laws. But what is happening with the famous professional football league and their game that cannot be mentioned by mortals is ridiculous. This week the 500 pound gorilla landed on a Baptist church in Indianapolis. Here is the story from the Indianapolis Star.

“The NFL is telling Fall Creek Baptist Church in Indianapolis that the church’s plans to use a wall projector to show the game at a party for church members and guests would violate copyright laws. NFL officials spotted a promotion of Fall Creek’s “Super Bowl Bash” on the church Web site last week and sent pastor John D. Newland a letter — via FedEx overnight — demanding the party be canceled.
Initially, the league objected to the church’s plan to charge party-goers a fee to attend and that the church used the license-protected words “Super Bowl” in its promotions. Newland told the NFL his church would not charge party goers — the fee had been intended only to pay for snacks — and that it would drop the use of the forbidden words. But the NFL wouldn’t bite. It objected to the church’s plans to use a projector to show the game on what effectively was a 12-foot-wide screen. It said the law limits the church to one TV no bigger than 55 inches. The league even took exception to the church’s plan to influence nonmembers with a video highlighting the Christian testimonies of Colts coach Tony Dungy and Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith. “While this may be a noble message,” NFL assistant counsel Rachel L. Margolies wrote in a follow-up e-mail, “we are consistent in refusing the use of our game broadcasts in connection with events that promote a message, no matter the content.”

If only John Facinda were alive today. The legendary voice of the once interesting professional football league could voice over the latest heroic feats of these brave men known as copyright lawyers.

(Dramatic music)

Across the frozen tundra these magnificent lawyers strode. Armed with subpoenas and restraining orders they vanquished every foe. Woe to he who goes against the charge of the on-coming barristers…beware the drive block, the forearm shiver…it’s one ton of corporate muscle with a one track mind.

When did we lose the ability to reason? Common sense has been in hospice care for some time and actions like this could deal the once vibrant concept the final death blow. I hardly think this church gathering is a threat to the famous professional football league. I applaud the Fall Creek Baptist Church for immediately and gracefully complying with the “demands” of the no fun league.  They have been great examples of the counsel from 1 Peter.

For the Lord’s sake, respect all human authority—whether the king as head of state, or the officials he has appointed. For the king has sent them to punish those who do wrong and to honor those who do right….
Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect the king.  NLT

Or in this case, respect the commissioner. The church dropped the snack fee and the use of the name of the over-hyped game. The no fun league’s zealous protection of the name of the over-hyped game is the ultimate irony. Lamar Hunt came up with the name for the over hyped game while watching his daughter, Sharron, play with the 1960s “Super Ball” toy. It is fortunate for the no fun league that the Wham-O Toy lawyers didn’t come bouncing into their offices in the late ‘60’s. So this sacred name was co-opted from a popular toy at the time, the Wham-O Super Ball.  A potential party idea is to go buy a bag of Super Balls and bounce them this Sunday instead of watching the game of the nearly same name. I doubt that Wham-O will bother you if you promote a “Super Ball” party.

Back to our news story from Indianapolis. This is stunning rationalization even by corporate standards.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the league’s longstanding policy is to ban “mass out-of-home viewing” of the Super Bowl. A major exception to the rule is made, however, for sports bars and other businesses that show televised sports as a part of their everyday operations. “We have contracts with our (TV) networks to provide free over-the-air television for people at home,” Aiello said. “The network economics are based on television ratings and at-home viewing. Out-of-home viewing is not measured by Nielsen.”

Nice try. The ad rates for the over-hyped game this year is 2.7 million dollars for a 30 second spot. Think what it will be next year now that we have curtailed the Baptists!

But the flatlining of common sense and the final straw for the Fall Creek Baptists was the threat of the potentially “noble” message. If you go to a church there is always a possibility (exempting some seeker sensitive churches) that there might be a “message”. Churches have been doing that “message” thing for years while inviting people to Christmas plays, movies, and other events. The republic has survived. Apparently the legalistic congregants of the church I grew up in migrated to professional football. The league has issued stone tablets with the party commandments. Here is the law from the Book of Nofunicus.

For groups that want to host Super Bowl parties — other than sports bars and businesses that normally show televised sports — here are rules that must be followed:

• No admission fees (even to pay for snacks).

• Only one television (55 inches or smaller).

• No use of the words “Super Bowl” in promotional materials.

• No exhibition of the game in connection with events “that promote a message.”    Source: NFL 

Pastor John Newland has given up on his subversive plan to provide family entertainment and a possible “message”.

“It just frustrates me that most of the places where crowds are going to gather to watch this game are going to be places that are filled with alcohol and other things that are inappropriate for children,” Newland said. “We tried to provide an alternative to that and were shut down.”

Pastor, if it makes you feel any better I had to cancel my party for a game named after a Wham-O bouncing ball. My TV is 56 inches wide (I am sure the league attorneys carry a tape measure) and I had a message I wanted to promote to the no fun league.

Your game no longer interests me.

This just in…Friday evening the NFL announced that all of this was a big “misunderstanding“. A new statement from the NFL had no problem with the church gatherings as long as admission is not charged. No mention of screen size or message in this communique. Hmmm. Oh well…I give the NFL Public Relations machine credit for quick damage control.