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It is another Doctor date with the bride today. Here is a very gently read post that applies to this upcoming weekend…another Homecoming Weekend.

It is Homecoming this weekend at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. Thousands of alumni will make their way to Central Texas for the event. Thanks to the great work of Coach Guy Morriss some will even go to the football game with anticipation. It seems odd to me that I am looking forward so much to this homecoming. The celebration is at a college that I did not attend. I’m not even Baptist, dadgummit! (that is Baptist cussing). But my heart has become a part of the Baylor tradition. Why? I am the very proud father of two Baylor grads and the youngest is a junior at the school. I have invested time and more treasure than I care to think about in Baylor University.

It is a very special place for me. Each son has made relationships that have become my relationships. One found a wife there. All three have grown in wisdom and stature while attending the school. They have developed wonderful friendships and many of those friends have made our house their home on multiple occasions.

Why is this homecoming special for me despite my lack of a Baylor degree?

It is about relationships.

And memories. 

As I prepared to head for Waco I took time to read the newspaper. I think I need to stop that ritual. Perhaps the ignorance is bliss crowd is onto something because my excitement about the weekend was muted by an avalanche of very bad and even frightening news.  

I look forward to Homecoming this weekend in Waco but as I get older I look forward to another Homecoming. The events in the news reminded me again that I am merely a renter on this planet. I don’t really own a single thing that matters. When I  am driving a rental car and hit a pothole my first reaction is always, “Oh well, it’s just a rent car.” That describes the attitude I am developing as I hit the potholes of life. I have lots of stuff here but that is all it is. Stuff. What really matters is my faith, my family, and those relationships that make the drive on the dangerous and poorly maintained roads of life worthwhile.

Jesus talked about homecoming…not Baylor…He talked about the big one. I am scheduled to attend that Homecoming someday and I am happy about that. Why? Looks like a good program is being planned.

  “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”  John 14

You can’t find a room in Waco,Texas this week but I already have one for this Homecoming! How cool is that? I am not anxious to leave this earth but I do look forward to that Homecoming someday. Why?

It is about relationships.

And memories.

I have a daughter already there. My saintly grandmother is there. My wonderful earthly father is there. The list goes on and on. And I have a personal relationship with Jesus that makes me confident about the event.

I have a few investments here but I have unspeakable wealth and eternal investments there. We don’t think much about that in our culture do we? There is so much of the good life here that heaven seems obscure and maybe not even an upgrade. But we are not permanent residents here. Enjoy the journey. Invest in relationships. Realize we were created with a desire to know our Creator.

And get ready for Homecoming.  It should be a blast!

A few days ago I wrote an article entitled “Three Questions”.  One of the three questions was addressed to those who do not share my views about faith. Today I got a thoughtful response from “Bear”. He or she (Bear is gender neutral, isn’t it?) seemed surprised by one of the questions I asked.

Q: I am genuinely interested if you (atheists/agnostics) think that all believers are delusional or intellectually inferior? … Are you at all unsettled by the successful and intelligent people who endorse faith in God completely?

A: The short answer to the first question is “no.” Certainly not intellectually inferior. There are too many believers, and I’ve met too many brilliant ones, to take that statement seriously for even a moment.

Not everyone agrees with you based on many of the responses I had received prior to asking this question. Those responders clearly thought that I am intellectually inferior. I have been called a knuckle-dragging, flat-earth moron by some who clearly have some hot sports opinions about Christians. I rejected that accusation because I have been walking upright for a couple of years now. I am pleased to report that since I posed that question a number of civil and kind people have responded to my question. I knew you were out there. That is why I asked an over the top question just to test that belief. Back to today’s response.

As to delusional, that’s more complicated. My handy desktop dictionary defines “delusion” as “an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument.” Clearly belief in God isn’t idiosyncratic, so we could just go with “no” on this answer too, but that would be letting me off the hook too easily.

The rub, for me, comes at the point at which religion and science intersect. One aspect of intelligence, and a rather important one, I think, is the ability to update one’s beliefs based on new evidence. For the most part this doesn’t really cut one way or another on the religion question, since faith is all about belief in the absence of proof. But when there’s a substantial body of evidence to suggest that some aspect of one’s religious belief system is mistaken in the particulars (let’s say, evidence that diseases evolve to become resistant to antibiotics, contra the belief that evolution just doesn’t happen at all), I confess that I do end up wondering how an apparently large number of people are comfortable ignoring or discounting that evidence. I don’t mean to touch off a debate on the subject, and I hope I don’t. I’m just trying to answer the questions above as candidly as I can.

I do want to qualify one aspect of Bear’s response. I think that most thoughtful Christians understand that changes can and do occur in a species over time. Clearly a virus can change and become resistant to antibiotics. I don’t deny that at all. What I question is whether one species can become another species over time. I think we have become so polarized that we have ceased to communicate at all. I suspect we would have much more in common than you suspect if we could sit down and debate these issues.

As to being unsettled by successful and intelligent people who endorse faith in God completely, no, doesn’t faze me a bit. In matters of faith, it would be very surprising if reasonable (and very intelligent) people didn’t disagree. The more I think about it, the more that seems like an odd question. Do you mind if I ask whether you’re unsettled by the successful and intelligent people who DON’T endorse faith in God completely?

Nope. Don’t mind at all. I am not unsettled by the people who don’t endorse faith. I am a bit perplexed at how flippantly some reject faith.  I have not flippantly disregarded the arguments of agnostics and atheists. And I never call them names, question their morals, or wish eternal harm for them. 

There is a lot of anger directed toward Christians. A lot of it is deserved. But a lot of it is not.  My desire is to create a place where civil and graceful debate can happen. There are more than enough of the other sites available. I often visit websites of those who have issues with Christians. Here are some titles from blogs and websites (my comments in italics).

• Stupid Christians index – Didn’t make the list…note to self…must try harder
• All Christians are idiots – Wow. Apparently the law of averages doesn’t apply to Christians.
• Amazingly Stupid Christians – Premiering next week on Fox!
• I am sick and tired of stupid Christians – Me too.
• Stupid Christians are ruining the world – Don’t look now but they are getting lots of help from stupid secularists and stupid people of other faiths
• 101 Reasons to Hate Those Stupid Christians – My favorite. This guy is calling Christians stupid and he has 12 reasons on his site.

Not a lot of communication is going on at most of these sites. Here is a typical “debate”.

“You are a stupid Christian!”
 “Well I may be stupid but at least I am not going to hell.”

That is some helpful interchange going on there!

But not much has really changed. The great preacher Charles M. Spurgeon wrote in the 19th century that “if you follow Christ, all the hounds of the world will yelp at your heels. Count on this, if you live for Jesus Christ, the world will not speak well of you.”

I wish that was not true. I wish I could discuss my faith with civility and grace with everyone. I wish that those who disagree would view my attempts and desire to communicate my faith as genuine and caring. I wish that when you speak of me you would speak well. But if you don’t it won’t change my hope of communicating the message of Christ to you.  This other kind of communication has, unfortunately, been going on for a while.

So don’t be surprised, friends, when the world hates you. This has been going on a long time. The way we know we’ve been transferred from death to life is that we love our brothers and sisters. I John 3 The Message

I hope you don’t hate me. I hope you don’t think I’m stupid. I certainly don’t think you are stupid (at least until I get to know you and I can confirm that first hand). Perhaps if I can implement the words of Jesus I can convince a few to at least consider the possibility of faith.

“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does.”  Matthew 5 The Message

Christians (including this writer) have not done a really good job with that directive. We may choose to disagree. We may disagree completely. But my prayer is that all communication on this site will be full of grace, truth, and love. Paul was a brilliant apologist. But he recognized a very important truth that all Christians need to understand.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

I checked the feedback section of these humble ramblings last week and found a question plus request from old friend Dave Naidl.

PS Have you seen the movie Facing the Giants? Your comments please.

Oddly enough that request arrived on the same day that the lovely Mrs.Burchett and I were going to see “Facing the Giants”. Hmmm. Coincidence? I think not!

So we randomly joined two Pee-Wee football teams in a small theater to watch the film. I felt odd not having my name on the back of my shirt but it worked out anyway. Allow me to take a brief detour before I comment on the film. In late June I had written a post called Warn the women and children…this post is PG rated. That article dealt with the controversy surrounding the assignment of a PG rating to this film. The objection seemed to be the strong presentation of the Christian message during the film. After seeing the movie there is no question in my mind that the strong Christian message was the objectionable issue to the movie ratings board. All 27 versions of Law and Order, the 18 different CSI franchises, and dozens of other network TV shows offer far more questionable content than this movie even begins to present. And they flood our living rooms free of charge. I think this movie received the PG rating because of the two lines I have emphasized with bold text in the movie ratings board description of the PG rating.

Parents are warned against sending their children, unseen and without inquiry, to PG-rated movies. The theme of a PG-rated film may itself call for parental guidance. There may be some profanity in these films. There may be some violence or brief nudity. However, these elements are not considered so intense as to require that parents be strongly cautioned beyond the suggestion of parental guidance. There is no drug use content in a PG-rated film. The PG rating, suggesting parental guidance, is thus an alert for examination of a film by parents before deciding on its viewing by their children. Obviously such a line is difficult to draw. In our pluralistic society it is not easy to make judgments without incurring some disagreement. As long as parents know they must exercise parental responsibility, the rating serves as a meaningful guide and as a warning. 

I love the line “in our pluralistic society it is not easy to make judgments without incurring some disagreement”. In my circles that would be called “covering your anatomical south side”. And the crux of the matter is that some reviewers felt the theme (strong presentation of the gospel) called for parental guidance. I personally loved the controversy. It allowed the distributors to get a lot of free pub (no doubt valued more than the movie cost to produce) leading up to the films release. And the PG rating did not bother me at all. I haven’t changed from my original position that I wrote in that earlier blog regarding the rating dispute. Here is a bit of that response.

I suspect this is just an example of knee jerk PC over-reaction on the part of the film board but I understand their desire to be cautious in the current cultural climate. I happen to believe that all films need to be examined by parents before they let their children attend. There would will be some who will be offended by the message of the gospel of Jesus portrayed in this movie. I am often offended by the message of movies. I chose whether my kids could go to certain movies or not. That is called parenting. If no parenting is available there are worse things the kiddos could see than a story of faith and overcoming adversity.

So how did the movie turn out? Only 17% of the secular critics gave a favorable review to the film. And I can understand that to some extent. They do not evaluate movies based on production budgets and feel good stories about how the film was done. They compare a movie to other movies that compete for the audience. Some of the religious reviewers were not very nice either. Sister Rose Pacatte (St. Anthony Messenger) wrote this comment. “This rather simplistic, stilted and somewhat boring film is more of a sermon than a movie that inspires. … The producers went for evangelical-style drama, but it could have used some creative subtlety and originality.”

What is evangelical-style drama? Is that a genre that I missed? Other comments included these.

Jeff Strickler (Minneapolis Star-Tribune) says, “The religious proselytizing in this football movie is about as subtle as a blindside hit by a 300-pound defensive end.”

That is a really big defensive end but I get the point. I wrote a blog about how the word proselytizing has become a pejorative in our “pluralistic society”.

Chris Hewitt (St. Paul Pioneer Press) asks, “If the Christian football team in Facing the Giants begins to win because God wants them to, does it follow that the acting isn’t good because God didn’t want it to be?”

To be fair to the critics, the acting is not as good as a typical feature film. But Mr.Hewitt’s theological deductions were also a bit unfair.

Others felt some of the plot elements really strained credibility. Like the wind changing direction before the winning field goal. Or the injury to the number one kicker so that underdog kicker David could slay the giant with his mighty foot. I agree. I long for believable sports story lines. Like a movie about a guy hearing voices, building a baseball field in the middle of nowhere, and having dead players walk out of the corn fields to play a game. And then having a dead guy “have a catch” with his son. That makes total sense. Oh wait…that is “Field of Dreams.” And I loved that movie. Or how about a movie about a player who uses a bat carved out of a tree that was hit by lightning. This home made bat is selected by the batboy in the biggest game of the year after the star player’s bat is broken. A bat he has never used in a game situation picked by a 12 year old. Then he hits a home run so massive it causes the light standard to explode and rain sparks and debris on the field as he runs the bases. It could happen. I’m sorry. That is “The Natural”. And I liked that movie. So let’s get real. It is not about stretching your imagination that is the problem here. It is the God factor that offends many in this film.

As for the movie itself I have to admit I was a bit conflicted. Would I have done it differently? Yes. But until I get off of my backside region and get into the arena myself I am going to praise the efforts of Sherwood Media. What they have accomplished is a small miracle. A film that cost $100,000 to make has, as of this writing,  pulled in over $4 million dollars. So for the cost of the average vehicle that a Hollywood director drives to the studio they produced a complete movie. That is amazing. 

I liked the movie. My real job is television sports directing and I thought the action sequences (usually the downfall of sports movies) were very well done.

I can critique the acting or pacing or plot devices all day long. The bottom line is that these guys were crazy enough (or had enough faith) to think that they could do a theatrical release on a home movie budget. And they did it. Good for them. Instead of being critical maybe the rest of us should pray about what we can do to glorify God. The easiest position to fill on the church Olympic team is rock thrower. I am challenged by the faith of Alex Kendrick and the men and women who produced Facing the Giants. Do I have enough faith to believe that God can use my ability for Him? One of the memorable scenes from the movie involved a man who walked the halls daily praying for revival at the school. He tells a parable about two farmers who both pray for rain. One waits for it hopefully. The other waits for it while “preparing his fields.” His concluding question? Which one is truly trusting God?

Go see “Facing the Giants”. It is an uplifting story and good film. It becomes a great film when you judge it the context of how it was produced.

The Four Freshmen recorded a song in 1956 that was later covered by the Beach Boys. The song was called “Graduation Day” and the lyrics went something like this…actually they went exactly like this.

Theres a time for joy
A time for tears
A time we’ll treasure through the years
Well remember always
Graduation day

That song came to mind as I remembered a day with far more impact for me than graduation day. That day was March 20, 2006.

Theres a time for joy
A time for tears
A time when we felt numb with fears
We’ll remember always
Diagnosis Day.

Every cancer patient will remember always that dreaded diagnosis day. I will never forget that call from my wife telling me (between sobs) that her tests were positive for breast cancer. Now we are nearly eight months down the road. Joni completed her chemotherapy 10 days ago. We are in a blessed recess between treatments. Up next is a six week regimen of radiation. A lot has happened since Diagnosis Day. It has not been easy for Joni. But we have so much to be grateful for as we face the rest of the treatment journey and beyond.

We are grateful for…

• Hope. Joni’s diagnosis is good but our ultimate hope is in God.
  
• Peace. While we recognize that the prognosis is good we have peace because we believe in a God who is sovereign. No matter what happens we are confident in Him.
  
• Friends. So many people have shown their love and concern. It helps.
  
• The Body of Christ. We have people praying that we don’t even know. That is amazing, touching, and encouraging.
  
• One another. We are partners in this journey. And while I don’t pretend to share even a small percentage of what Joni has endured we have traveled this path together.
  
• New perspective. We have gained a new insight into what matters in this journey.
  
• Our sons. We are blessed with wonderful sons and daughter-in-laws.
  
• Our family. From Florida to Ohio and points beyond we have prayerful and loving support.
  
• Joy. Even in the storm there is joy.

Thank you for your unrelenting prayers for Joni (and for me). We have sensed those prayers and the comfort of the Holy Spirit.

Diagnosis Day seems like a long, long time ago. We are marching forward to Joni’s graduation day from treatment (sometime next summer). And we look forward to Joni’s advanced degree (masters of survival) five years from now in March of 2011. Both of those days will be a time for great joy.

Thank you again for praying and caring. And thanks in advance for your prayers as we begin stage 2 of the treatment triathlon.

No matter what happens we have had some important truths reinforced.

His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in our weakness. God is good no matter what diagnosis life dispenses.

Everybody’s busy with their own situation
Everybody’s lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurried up trying to make a dream come true
They don’t understand
Everybody’s living like there ain’t no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
‘Cause you never really know what your neighbors going through
They don’t understand

I remember driving away from one of Joni’s early doctor appointments after her breast cancer diagnosis. Joni was driving her car as I followed her. She was distracted (imagine that) and missed her turn. She drove forward to the next opportunity to turn left and double back. Because she temporarily blocked the left lane a guy laid on his horn and started gesturing. I remembering thinking that this guy was not a quality human being (rough translation). I wondered if it would make a difference in the attitude of this, uhhh, not really nice homosapian if he knew what was going through my wife’s mind. He was busy worrying about his 20 second delay as she was thinking about her health, her family, her job, and maybe her life. So I try to step back, breathe, and ask for patience.

Finally, I look in the mirror. What I see there is a man who is capable of nearly everything I get angry about with others. And I am humbled again that somehow God is patient with me as I work this out. Regular readers know of my admiration for the group Casting Crowns. The song “Who Am I” comes to mind in this context.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt. 

Take a moment to meditate on that. Then take a moment to meditate on a later verse.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.

That God sees my sin and looks on me with love is mind boggling. How can I accept that love and not at least attempt to offer it to others? Because there is not a (Christian cussing warning) dang thing that I have done to deserve mercy like that. From a human perspective that person who incites cynicism probably doesn’t “deserve” grace. But did you? Did I?

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

So I guess that is the game-plan of how I try to not get hardened and cynical. Realizing who I am (a sinner) and what He has done. Focus on the One who understands rejection and suffering. Realize that others may be enduring real trials of their own. And understand that the God who sees my sin still looks on me with love.

On some days I execute the game-plan better than others. But that doesn’t mean it is not a good plan. It just means I have to spend more time in the playbook and with my Coach.

We go through the same routine every time something tragic happens. Yesterday New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle died in a plane crash and we all stop to give lip service to “what’s important” and “the things that matter”. And within hours or days we are right back screaming at bad drivers and fuming in long lines at the grocery. Most of us do not want to think about the only thing that is certain in our lives. Our mortality. I wrote about that topic in an earlier post. It seemed like a good time to be a good citizen and recycle .

A simple new test is designed to calculate the odds for me still being alive in four years. That’s right. I can tally my score for the twelve predictive categories and decide if that investment in a five year bond is really a good idea. So I took the test and the results are in.

According to this measuring stick it looks like I will accomplish my goal of living long enough to be a problem for my children. The mortality calculator (that sounds dark) was developed by researchers at the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center. The researchers developed the scale after studying 12,000 patients and then applying those findings to 8,000 more to chart the reliability of their GRI (Grim Reaper Index – that is my acronym, not theirs). This is a test where you hope for a very low score. A zero to five score for an over fifty respondent will give you a 96% chance of seeing 2010. I scored a sparkling 2 on my GRI! I was penalized two points just for being male.  I cannot figure out how to circumvent that risk. Those who tallied 14 or more points have a 64 percent chance of dying in the next four years. If you want to know your potential fate you can take the test and calculate your GRI score. So what does this mean to me as average Bad Christian guy?

Not much. Whether I have forty years or four years or four months or four days really should not affect how I live as a follower of Christ. I have been knee deep in the mortality of my fellow human beings recently. My dear friend Trisha died in early January. A television associate died in an accident in August. Both were my age or younger. So even if I am in the ninety-sixth percentile there are statistically still four of us in a sampling of one hundred that will be dead by 2010. “Couldn’t be me,” says my bulletproof brain. “Sure it could,” replies the teeny and rarely heard common sense cortex buried deep below the machobellum section of my brain.

So how then should we live? Like Paul and Peter and John and the rest of the early followers of Christ. With an air of expectancy that tomorrow (or the rest of today) is not guaranteed. To live with a sense of priority and passion about what really matters. Do you have someone that you want to tell that you love them? Tell them now. Is there a relationship that needs repairing? Repair it now. Someone that you know you have to forgive? Please forgive them now by faith and the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. Still angry with a parent or sibling? Deal with it now. Have you slipped away from God for some reason? Come back now.

What if I told you that you have exactly one week to live? Write down what you would do and what you would say in those precious seven days. And then start doing those things now. Because no matter how stunning your score might be on the Grim Reaper Index it is no guarantee of anything past this moment. I know that not every recipient of such communications are receptive or even civil. But at the end of the day we are accountable before a Holy God only for our actions. They are accountable for theirs. Do the right thing and trust the rest to Jesus.  Boomers get ready. In the time frame of eternity all of us will be going home very soon.

Part of the great comfort I felt when my Father died two years ago was knowing that everything that I wanted to say to him had been said. I believe that if something happened to me before I get to write another word that my sons would have that same peace. They know they are loved by me and I am loved by them. They know how proud I am of them as men and as followers of Jesus.

I hope you score well in your GRI. I wish you health and blessings. But my fervent prayer is that you will test better in your readiness to peacefully leave this planet. I pray you will have the courage to say what you want to say and need to say. Make peace with those you feel a lack of peace with in your soul. What a wonderful way to prepare to meet your Savior face to face. Paul’s words to the church at Colosse offer a few thoughts on getting ready.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Colossians 3  NIV

I pray that I can write those words across my heart and begin to live them out. If I can follow those inspired thoughts I will not only make the most of the time I have left but I will also be prepared for the eternity ahead. C.S. Lewis wrote this about where our focus should be to make a real impact for Christ.

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.”

Over the weekend I watched The McLaughlin Group. I had not seen the show in years but not much has changed. Moderator John McLaughlin fires out discussion points in staccato fashion to the panel. McLaughlin shouts out the topic and then the name of the person chosen to respond first. If we had our own version of the show this week (The BadChristian Group) I suspect the opening salvo might go like this…

Topic Number One…FORGIVENESS…is it even possible?

DAVE???

This is an important subject. One of the most read articles I have posted dealt with forgiveness and I am going to revisit some of that blog today. I have written a lot about the Amish response to the tragic shootings in Pennsylvania. Those gentle people have taught me a lot about the topic. Yes it is possible. But it is very difficult to forgive if you have never been forgiven. For Christians this is a central theme of our faith. We have been forgiven. So what do we do with that gift of forgiveness? To paraphrase the not always ready for family time comedian Ron White…

We have the power to forgive…we just don’t have the ability.

I think that we have generally done a poor job of teaching forgiveness. Here are a few misconceptions that I personally had about forgiveness.  This is from a chapter on forgiveness I wrote about in “Bring’em Back Alive – A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church”.

• Forgiveness is not condoning or diminishing the offense. Forgiving a person who has wronged you does not mean they are “off the hook” for any consequences or judgment that may result from their actions. Forgiveness is a personal act of your will that releases the other person from your condemnation. At that point you have been obedient to what Jesus asks of you…the other person is responsible to God for their response. By extending forgiveness you are not saying the offense was insignificant or unimportant. You are saying that you trust God to see that justice is dispensed according to His Holy judgment and timing.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting. The old forgive and forget admonition was one of the biggest barriers I faced in my journey to learn how to forgive. You know the old mental challenge to not picture an elephant in the room. You can’t do it. Instantly the image pops into your mind. The more I tried to be spiritually mature and try to forgive and forget the more my offender became the “elephant in the room.” That person or event was all I could think of. Over time you will think less and less of the hurt and/or the one who administered same. C.S. Lewis wrote to a friend late in his life. “Dear Mary…Do you know, only a few weeks ago, I realized suddenly that I had at last forgiven the cruel schoolmaster who so darkened my childhood. I had been trying to do it for years.” To try to achieve a state of instantaneous forgetfulness is setting yourself up for failure and frustration.
• Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Certainly it is a worthy goal to have the gift of forgiveness lead to a restoration of a damaged relationship. But it takes two people to reconcile and you have no control over anyone’s response except your own. The other person may not respond graciously. They may not be ready to accept forgiveness or acknowledge their part or even desire to be reconciled. Again, we have done what is required of us by extending the grace of forgiveness. Reconciliation is not required  to be obedient to the command of Jesus.
• Forgiveness is an act of the will and is not a response to feelings. We must choose to forgive and trust the Jesus who forgave us to eventually change our feelings. We may not “feel” like forgiveness has transpired. If you decide to wait until you “feel” like forgiving or that the other person must make the first move you will remain spiritually stuck. We have to make the choice and then wait for God to honor the choice.  We make a choice to forgive and then we have faith that the Holy Spirit will reshape our feelings over the course of time. Forgiveness requires choice and faith, just like every miracle that comes from God. 
• Forgiveness is not ignoring or excusing the offense. There is nothing to forgive if we have not been wronged. Jesus is not asking us to ignore reality. He is asking us to acknowledge how much we have been forgiven and to extend the same courtesy to others. Forgiveness is acknowledging the offense without cover-up or excuse and still choosing to forgive.
• Forgiveness is not denial of the hurt. Pride will often cause us to “not allow the person who hurt us the satisfaction” of knowing we are wounded. That is absurd. Acknowledge the reality of the injury but make the choice and decision of your will to be healed. 
• Forgiveness is eliminating revenge as an option. Lewis Smedes makes a brilliant point about revenge. No matter how much we try “we cannot get even; this is the inner fatality of revenge.” When you start trying to get even you have lost. How many times must I gossip about you to get “even” for the hurt you caused me? When is the scale even? Or do I need to have the scale tip a bit toward me to be satisfied? What a self-defeating pursuit that becomes! And the truth proclaimed by Josh Billings is “there is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.”
• Forgiveness means understanding that hurt is part of the faith tour contract that we signed when we decided to follow Jesus. Author David Stoop notes that, “People choose the Path of Bitterness when they get caught up in trying to understand the reasons for the offense. They think, if only they could understand why the other person did what he or she did, they could get over it
  and let it go.”  I have three words for that approach….does not work.

 The late author Lewis Smedes wrote powerfully about forgiveness. He often spoke of how only forgiveness can “release us from the grip of our history.” We cannot change an abusive upbringing. We cannot alter dysfunctional theological training that denied grace. We cannot simply deny the hurts that have been visited upon us and be spiritually free. Only forgiveness can release us from the grip of these real and historical events.

Forgiveness is not the cop out of weak people. The reason you need to forgive is that our Designer knew that is the only way for you to be fully healed. You have a Savior who understands the pain of betrayal. So I am going to ask you to be selfish and forgive. Say what? I have heard bitterness described as drinking rat poison and hoping the other person dies. The comparison works for me. It is vital to your spiritual well being to forgive others. When you follow the directive of Jesus and forgive you are free to concentrate on the blessings in your life. Is this easy? Of course not. I believe that forgiveness is the single hardest thing that Jesus asks us to do. But He knows how important forgiveness is for own growth. Will you go to Hell if you die today without forgiving another person? I don’t believe that for a moment. The redemptive act of Jesus on the cross literally has you (and sins past, present, and future) covered. But why would you want to live in anger and distress when Jesus has something better for you? The Apostle Paul’s wrote these words in Colossians.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col 3  NIV

The movie “End of the Spear” chronicled one of the most amazing stories of forgiveness in recent memory. A group of missionaries were killed by the Waodani tribe in Ecuador. Their wives forgave them and went back to minister to their husbands killers. One of the things that really struck me from the movie “End of the Spear” was that in the Waodani language, there is no word for forgiveness. The concept was so foreign to that culture that no word had ever been coined. In our Christian culture we have the word but we too often lack the theology to apply it. Pastor Tommy Nelson says you can’t live a successful Christian life without good theology. And I believe understanding the Biblical teaching about forgiveness is one example. Jesus told the parable of the unforgiving debtor.

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!  “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.  “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

  “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’

One observation from the parable. The debtor never acknowledged the obvious. That there was no way he could repay this debt. He made the ludicrous promise that he would “pay it back”. So the big lessons from the parable are not only extending mercy but realizing how much we have been forgiven. While I will likely never commit an act of brutality like the shooter in Pennsylvania I nonetheless had a debt of sin that could not be repaid. When I realize how much I owed I should be overwhelmed with gratitude that the debt is paid. And from that well of gratitude I should be able to extend that mercy to others. Thomas Fuller observed that “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has to be forgiven.” 

To be honest, I still don’t know if I could respond as well as the Amish saints to their heartbreaking tragedy. But I do know one thing as I write these thoughts today. I have seen that it is possible. So I know I have the theology and, with Christ, the ability to forgive like those men and women. The hard truth is that a Christian who is not forgiving is a Christian who is not growing. I am going to pray for me (and for you) to make the choice to forgive. God will do the rest.