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I like Shawn from Ohio. Perhaps I am predisposed to like him because he is from by beloved Buckeye State. But I think the reason I like Shawn from Ohio is that he responds to difficult topics at this site with civility. Yesterday I asked three questions. One question was addressed to agnostics/atheists/skeptics. His answers were thoughtful. He made his points without attacking. Shawn thanked me for providing an opportunity for dialogue between those of faith and non-faith. I love communicating with people like Shawn. Will I change his mind? Unlikely. But at the end of the day I want to talk about Jesus to those who have seen only Christians. I wish that Shawn could look at any given Christian and see Jesus. But sadly that is not the case.

Here is a bonus comment from Shawn that really hit me in the gut.

About the Amish:  I wish more religions were like them. We, as a self-proclaimed Christian nation, have a lot to learn from this community. I think the rest of the world would have a more favorable outlook on the US if we behaved a little more like the Amish.

Ouch. And Amen.

The stories out of Pennsylvania have astounded people of faith and non-faith. The Amish have demonstrated a love, forgiveness, and commitment to the teachings of Jesus that have rocked me back on my heels. I am about to make a very odd transition (no surprise to regular readers) from a comment about people without electricity to a scene from a very silly movie. The scene is from the movie Dodgeball. The character played by Vince Vaughn has led a improbable group of misfits to the championship game of the world dodgeball tournament but some setbacks had caused him to throw in the towel. Lance Armstrong appears as himself and offers this commentary.

Lance Armstrong: Hey, aren’t you Peter La Fleur?
Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong: Yeah, that’s me. But I’m a big fan of yours.
Peter La Fleur: Really?
Lance Armstrong: Yeah, I’ve been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN 8. I just can’t get enough of it. Good luck in the tournament. I’m really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or you’re gonna be late.
Peter La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit… Lance.
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I’m sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that’s keeping you from the finals?
Peter La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like… shame.

That is how I feel right now about my representation of Jesus. Don’t get me wrong. This is not legalistic self-flagellation. This is simply realizing that I have not been willing to fully allow Jesus to be Lord of my life. I want a Savior. That is cool. But I would prefer to be lord of my own life with occasional consulting gigs from God. The Amish have shown me what it means to allow the Savior to also be Lord.

The response of the Amish community cleared up another question for me. A few readers have asked me to counter some of the arguments from Sam Harris and his campaign against faith. I have had little desire to do that and I could not understand why. I feel like I could at least offer a few counter points to his polemic screed. 

I remember when some friends set up an appointment for Joni and me to meet with a direct sales company pitch person. He carefully set up his flip charts and presentation in our dining room and  started with this question.

Salesperson: “Would you like to earn more money for your family/”
Me: No.
Salesperson: “You are not interested in earning more money?”
Me: No. We have enough money. I am interested in working less hours and being home more.

Much to the horror of the friend who invited him the salesman immediately began packing up his lovely little presentation, shook our hands, and left. Why? Because we had nothing to discuss. He had his goal. I did not have an open mind. Buh-Bye!

I guess that is why I wonder about the value of arguing with Sam Harris. I am not saying that his comments should go unchallenged. I am only evaluating what my response should be. Most who subscribe to Mr.Harris’s views have made up their mind. Here is how my direct sales experience would look if Sam Harris came to my home.

Me: (After setting up my apologetic charts and power points) Do you allow any chance at all for supernatural phenomenon?
Him: No.
Me: Okay. Have a nice day.

That is a bit flippant but the point is that most people on both sides of the faith and non-faith aisles have made up their minds. That is why the Amish response to that horrible tragedy has so moved me. I would suspect these simple, dedicated believers have had more impact in one week than I could have in a lifetime of debating and arguing. Their amazing display of real faith was far more powerful than a clever argument And that is why right now I am feeling a bit like…shame. I get all angry and frustrated when critics slam me and my faith. My first impulse is to lash out in kind. But Jesus is saying “follow Me” and “be salt and light” to those you encounter.

The Apostle Paul was always prepared to make a defense. I whole heartedly subscribe to that strategy. I want to better understand what I believe and why. But I am wondering if my defense lacks power if I forget step one.

Love them like Jesus.

Today I would love your feedback on three questions that kept roiling my relaxation over the weekend. Of course I couldn’t think of asking three questions without a flashback to Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail.

Fellow Bad Christians will remember this exchange.

Arthur:     There’s the old man from Scene 24!
Bedevere:  What is he doing here?
Arthur:     He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death.  He asks each traveler five questions–
Knight:     Three questions.
Arthur:     Three questions.  He who answers the five questions–
Knight:     Three questions.

So here are my three, five, three questions. I await your wisdom.

Question Number One.

What is your favorite color?

Sorry…still in Monty Python mode. The real question relates to a post I wrote last week called Plane Speaking. It was written about the lawsuit filed against Victoria Osteen. Regular readers of these ramblings know that I am a stickler for civil discourse. So I graciously received a gentle rebuke on my thoughts from this reader.

• As a head of a nonprofit Christian ministry, I always have to temper what I would like to do as a Christian person and what my legal advisers are advising me to do as the head of the ministry. In a culture where ministries can be sued for millions of dollars, I cringe when the words lawsuit, lawyers or court are mentioned. I am not sure what is happening in this cause. So when we look on from the outside and look for statements from them saying, “please forgive me” or “I am Sorry”, we have to be aware that lawyers and the court may look at those statements quite differently. I know this puts heads of ministry in interesting situations on trying to balance their reputation, the reputation of the ministry and legal issues. I submit this with much fear and trembling at being misunderstood. I don’t think it is as easy to say that “I am wrong, I am sorry or forgive me.” On the other hand, maybe it is that easy. My heart trembles with the responsibility of Christians with such influence

I always want to be fair and grace filled in my comments. So this thoughtful response made me think that perhaps I was out of line in expecting some public statement from Mrs.Osteen. But the more I thought about that reasoning the more troubled I became. While I completely understand the fear of lawsuits (I have been threatened a time or two) I wonder if that should outweigh the fear of God? Should a legal strategy overrule an obedient response? What is our responsibility to represent the name of Jesus versus our responsibility to protect our ministry or personal assets? Have we allowed the law (in this case the lawyers and lawsuits) to keep us from extending grace? This is a larger question than the Victoria Osteen situation. I ask this with all sincerity.

What should our response be as Christians when we make a mistake (or perceived mistake) that could have legal ramifications?

Question Number Two.

I may not get a response to this one. Occasionally (depending on topics) I get visits and feedback from agnostics and atheists. The Sam Harris post brought many visitors to this site who do not believe in God. Mr. Harris often complains about the venomous response from Christians to his comments. I should let Mr.Harris know that the ugly runs both ways. I have had my intellectual capabilities questioned in some very unflattering terms by those who deny faith. But others who do not believe in God have been kind and even complimentary of the tone I try to set. I agree that it can be pretty easy to dismiss some who claim the title of Christian. Many skeptics write off faith as a crutch for the weak, uneducated, and naive. I can understand that even as I disagree. But what about those who do not fit into a category you can easily dismiss? I am genuinely interested if you (atheists/agnostics) think that all believers are delusional or intellectually inferior? There are many people of great intellect that are Christians. Many have become Christians who were not “brain-washed” as children. Millions who do not need an emotional crutch to survive well in the culture call themselves Christians. Others who have no cultural predisposition to this faith. Here is my question for those who deny faith.

Are you at all unsettled by the successful and intelligent people who endorse faith in God completely?

Question Number Three

I have been humbled and even a bit shamed by the amazing grace of the Amish victims in Pennsylvania. I wrote a post about that last week called Where do you see Jesus? 

The actions of the Amish faithful this weekend again caused me to stop and examine my own commitment to Christ. Here is an excerpt from a column written by Brian Dickerson in the Detroit Free Press.

• Charles Roberts IV, who killed himself after shooting 10 helpless schoolgirls, wasn’t Amish himself. But his milk delivery route included the farms of many Amish families, including that of 13-year-old Marian Fisher, one of those killed in Roberts’ rampage. So when the Fisher family made plans for Marian’s funeral, they naturally invited her killer’s widow and children. It wasn’t an impulsive invitation, issued in a moment of vengeful anger — Come see what that monster did! — but a reflexive recognition that Roberts’ survivors, too, were part of a community in need of healing. Two days later, when the shooter’s body was laid to rest, the mourners included dozens of Amish.

I know some dismiss the Amish response as weakness. I think you could not be more wrong. Their actions reflect a strength that is incomprehensible. It takes no strength to hate. It takes incredible strength to forgive. The Amish have made a choice. They made a choice to totally commit to Christ and to one another. They made a choice to not let hate and bitterness consume them. They made a choice to reach out and show a doubting world what the love of Jesus looks like. I am ashamed when I examine my life by comparison. No more jokes about the Amish from me. The Amish may feel free to make jokes about me. I have a lot to learn about what it really means to follow Jesus.

My final question is for self-examination.

Jesus, am I really willing and ready to follow You?

I rarely tear up when I read the newspaper. I probably should weep everytime I pick up that journal of human misery and evil. I suppose you become numb to the overwhelming scope of suffering. Two stories this week have generated wildly different responses. One story produced anger and disgust. The other story caused tears to well up in my eyes and humble self-examination.

I have had several people write to me and ask me to address the group of people in Kansas that pickets the funerals of fallen soldiers. I have hesitated to respond for two reasons. One, I do not wish to give this group any more exposure. Two, I always try to be gentle in my admonishment when I disagree with the views or actions of others. I cannot do that in this case. The group reached a despicable new low this week when they threatened to picket the funerals of those precious children who were killed in Pennsylvania. Cybercast News Service reported their “reasoning” for picketing the funerals.

• The Westboro group says the Amish school girls were “killed by a madman in punishment for Gov. Ed Rendell’s blasphemous sins against Westboro Baptist Church.
  “Gov. Ed Rendell — speaking and acting in his official capacity to bind the State of Pennsylvania — slandered and mocked and ridiculed and condemned Westboro Baptist Church on national Fox TV,” the group says on its website. Later in the story the group is quoted as saying that they are “continuing to pray for even worse punishment upon Pennsylvania.”

Their rhetoric and actions make me physically ill. Seriously. My stomach hurts as I read this stuff. Perhaps one clue about the group is that I have to pick up their quotes from news stories. My filtering software (developed for Christian parents) blocks their website as hate speech. I would be concerned if Christian software blocked my website. So I suppose the group will now pray for punishment on me for condemning them. Whatever.

It did cause me to examine what a more reliable source said about who is to blame when horrible things happen in life.

Jesus was asked about some tragedies that had occurred and it is interesting to note that He did not establish blame…

About this time Jesus was informed that Pilate had murdered some people from Galilee as they were sacrificing at the Temple in Jerusalem. “Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than other people from Galilee?” he asked. “Is that why they suffered? Not at all! And you will also perish unless you turn from your evil ways and turn to God. And what about the eighteen men who died when the Tower of Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem? No, and I tell you again that unless you repent, you will also perish.”  NLT Luke 13

If Jesus had a chance to establish blame and did not do it then I am pretty sure that this Kansas group cannot decipher where His judgement might fall. Jesus did call for repentance as individuals. But He did not tie their spiritual condition to the tragedies that happen in life.

Jesus reserved His harshest condemnation for the religious. This group’s ranking of one sin as being God’s number one reason for retribution is unsettling. Would He be more likely to judge the Christians in my city of Dallas for their materialism and greed? How can I know? Perhaps a Holy God is more upset in how we (His followers) have squandered great wealth than in how some behave in their private lives. Is neglecting the widows and the poor less egregious to God than a parade in San Francisco? I am not smart enough to know. But Scripture seems pretty clear we should be taking care of those in need both physically and spiritually. And that we should love sinners as we show them grace and truth mixed together.

There was another time when Jesus could have let us know how judgment is dispensed here on earth.

Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”  Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do.  John 9 The Message

And that brings us to the rest of the story. The story that made me cry. The people that have with broken hearts looked instead at what God can do. I have always had respect for the commitment of the Amish people. To be honest, I have viewed their lives as being a bit odd. Now I wonder if they have it far more right than I do. I say that after reading their response to the senseless killing of these innocents in Pennsylvania. As I thought about my wonderful sons I don’t know if I would have the capacity to respond like these servants of the Lord. The Dallas Morning News reported this reaction from the Amish community.

• 
  
  The Amish have been reaching out to the family of the gunman, Charles Carl Roberts IV, 32, who committed suicide during the attack. Dwight Lefever, a Roberts family spokesman, said an Amish neighbor comforted the Roberts family hours after the shooting and extended forgiveness to them. 
  
  
• 
  
  “I hope they stay around here and they’ll have a lot of friends and a lot of support,” Daniel Esh, a 57-year-old Amish artist and woodworker whose three grandnephews were inside the school during the attack, said of the Robertses.  Huntington, the authority on the Amish, predicted they will be will be very supportive of the killer and his wife, “because judgment is in God’s hands”.

Could I do that? Would I even consider such a response? Later in the story I read this.

• 
  
  Enos Miller, the grandfather of the two Miller sisters, was with both of the girls when they died. He was out walking near the schoolhouse before dawn Wednesday — he said he couldn’t sleep — when he was asked by a reporter for WGAL-TV whether he had forgiven the gunman.  “In my heart, yes,” he said, explaining it was “through God’s help.”

I have a hard time forgiving someone who says something negative about me. I am humbled by their faith. Another story in the Dallas Morning News had this amazing demonstration of grace,

• 
  
  Donors from around the world are pledging money to help the families of the five dead and the five wounded in amounts ranging from $1 to $500,000. The families could face steep medical bills. Though the Amish generally do not seek help from outside their community, Kevin King, executive director of Mennonite Disaster services, an agency managing the donations, quoted an Amish bishop as saying: “We are not asking for funds. In fact, it’s wrong for us to ask. But we will accept them with humility.” At the behest of Amish leaders, a fund has also been set up for the killer’s widow and three children.

Are you kidding me? Thinking of the financial needs of the killer’s family? Incredible. No, make that supernatural. That is beyond the scope of human response. And then the final story that brought tears to my eyes this morning. This report comes from the New York Post.

• 
  
  Staring down the barrel of Charles Carl Roberts’ gun, 13-year-old Marian Fisher and her 11-year-old sister, Barbie, bravely pleaded with the madman to shoot them and spare the eight other girls he was holding hostage. “Marian said, ‘Shoot me first,’ and Barbie said, ‘Shoot me second,’ ” said midwife Rita Rhoads, who had helped deliver several of the victims. “They were really trying to save the younger girls. It is a real reflection of their faith.”

So we have news stories about two very different groups. The group from Kansas and the Amish faithful from Pennsylvania. You tell me…where do you see Jesus?

Recently reader Texmom good-naturedly (I hope) encouraged me to get out from under the table and be more aggressive in my response to spiritual player hater Sam Harris. I found that resting comfortably under the table was a nice place to be after writing about Rosie O’Donnell, Jerry Falwell, Sam Harris, Madonna, and Victoria Osteen in recent days. But none of those topics are as frightening as today’s subject. I am going to write about the female brain. As usual when I address topics like this one I must post the following disclaimer.

Warning: The following post may (or, sadly, may not) contain humor. This blog was produced in a program where irony and satire are processed. May contain sarcasm fragments. If you are allergic to humor or attempts at humor please avoid this product.

This potentially incendiary topic came up as I rummaged through the Healthy Living section of the Dallas Morning News. Writer Leslie Van Wassenhove began the piece with this question.

• 
  
  True or false: At birth, the female brain is more mature than the male brain.
  
  According to neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, it’s true: A girl has a literal head start over members of the opposite sex. In fact, her noggin will develop faster than that of a boy by one to two years, as Dr. Brizendine explains in The Female Brain (Morgan Road Books). This is just the first of many differences she describes that stem from the structure and development of the male and female minds. Dr. Brizendine traces the neurohormonal disparities between men and women from conception through post-menopause, offering evidence on why women may perceive and react to situations differently than do men.

Women may perceive and react to situations differently than do men? May? Are you kidding me? At any rate, I took the following quiz from that article and recorded my answers in parenthesis. I also added some reactions to the actual answers in italics.

How brain-savvy are you? Test yourself to see how much of The Female Brain you know:

1. Men have more brain cells than women. (False…no,  true…wait, uhh, no comment. Okay, False)

Answer: False; women have just as many brain cells, but they are packed more tightly into their smaller skulls. That clears up some of the issues. Women’s brain cells have less room to wander off and do stupid stuff. That is a clear advantage for the feminine mind.

2. Women have more neurons than men in the brain centers for language. (True…no doubt)

Answer: True; as a result, women are naturally more talkative than men, using approximately 20,000 words per day compared with the 7,000 uttered by their male counterparts. Even these numbers do not truly represent the disparity in the vocabulary between men and women. Using myself as the lab rat, I calculated that of my 7,000 uttered words nearly 5,000 of them were baseball and football fantasy league words, lyrics to classic rock and roll songs, meaningless words from Monty Python skits, and lines from movies like Airplane and Dodgeball. Another 1900 plus entries were work related. So I calculate that I enter the verbal fray with my bride armed with about 67 actual usable words.

3. During the three months after birth, girls’ skills in eye contact increase by more than 400 percent, while boys’ skills do not increase at all. (Sounds true)

Answer: True; girls are not exposed to the testosterone surge in utero that shrinks the neurological centers for communication, observation and processing of emotion in boys, so girls are better equipped from birth to develop skills that use those parts of the brain. See…we can’t help it that the testosterone tsunami shrinks our communication, observation and processing skills. Those guttural grunts are actually quite articulate given the handicaps we must overcome.

4. Women can’t develop the desire to have a child just by holding someone else’s baby. (False)

Answer:  False; infants produce pheromones that cause the female brain to produce oxytocin, a hormone that can create that desire. I have witnessed this phenomenom. Now I am observing that holding an infant causes both the female and male brain to develop the desire for your grown children to start producing grandbabies. Eligible sons…are you reading this?

5. Pregnancy causes a woman’s brain to grow. (False)

Answer: False; the brain shrinks in the last three months of pregnancy but returns to normal by six months after a woman gives birth. No comment.

6. Women tend to value a man’s appearance over his material resources and social status. (False)

Answer: False; in a study of 10,000 individuals in 37 countries, women in every culture looked for social and financial independence more than visual appeal in a mate. I have found that to be true. Woman are not nearly as shallow as men on the appearance issue in their mates. I am perplexed by my bride’s decision to pair with me. I missed the cut on the visual appeal and financial independence markers. What was she thinking?

7. Hugging, especially for women, releases neurochemicals that can increase trust in the hugger. (False)

Answer: True; after a hug lasting at least 20 seconds, the brain produces oxytocin that turns on the trust response and dulls more critical judgment. Interesting. Joni, if you are reading this please skip to number 8. Thank you.

I think I learned something important here. When I hug my wife she often gives me the dismissive pat after 10 seconds or so. I thought she was just being a bit impatient. Now I realize that she was  protecting her critical judgment. I will hold the embrace in the future to rev up that trust response and dull her critical judgment. How sad I am just learning this after 30 years.

8. Breast-feeding can make women absent-minded. (False)

Answer: True; breast-feeding can extend and intensify the mental fogginess that many women experience after giving birth. I still contend the mental fogginess can be traced directly to sleeping 4 hours a week.

So I got six out of eight correct. Much better than I would have predicted. And what is the value of this little exercise? Not much. It is fun. I think it is important to realize and value the differences in the minds of men and women. But for me the application about how our minds are wired is gender neutral. There are many references to the mind in the New Testament Scriptures. Here is the answer key for all of the statements to follow.

True.

Romans 8:5–7  Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will.  NLT

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  NIV

Ephesians 4:23–24 …to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  NIV

Phillipians 4:7  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  NIV

Colossians 3:2  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  NIV

I Peter 1:13  Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. NIV

And the grand finale comes from the mind of Jesus.

Matthew 22:36–38  Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  NIV

I am fascinated by the difference in the minds of men and women. But I am challenged by the differences in the minds of those who seek the mind of Christ and those who do not. I want my mind to be different. Like Jesus.

That is an ambitious little project that should keep me busy for the rest of my days because I have a long, long way to go. And that is true. Final answer.

Regular readers of these ramblings know that I often post a gently read previous post on Joni’s chemotherapy days. We refer to the chemo infusion suite as the “Slow Drip Spa” and I am thrilled and grateful to report that our membership expires today! This is the last treatment in her chemo regimen and we are rejoicing. Our journey is not over…next up is a few weeks hanging out at the “Radiation Retreat“. But the worst of the journey is over and God’s grace has truly been sufficient. Thanks for your previous and ongoing prayers. It makes a difference.

Today’s gently read post relates to my fascination with ridiculous warning labels. Apparently manufacturers feel compelled to print these warnings because we, the citizens of this planet, are stupid. How else could you explain needing to explain to parents that you should remove the child before folding a baby stroller? If I neglected to do that I would have to put a warning label on my wife’s shoe.

“Remove from derriere before sitting after you have folded child in stroller.”

I am really not excited to report that we are not getting any smarter but the folks at Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch are having a blast chronicling the slow and agonizing death of common sense. This year’s winners of the Wacky Warning Label Contest are in. The contest, now in its ninth year, is conducted to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products. So enjoy this years winners starting with the runners-up.

A cocktail napkin with a small map of the waterways around Hilton Head, South Carolina carries this wise advice : Caution – Not to be used for navigation. Maybe Gilligan and the Skipper had a couple of Mai Tais and used the cocktail napkin on that three hour cruise.

The $250 second place award went to Jam Sardar of Grand Rapids, Michigan for a label on a kitchen knife that warns: Never try to catch a falling knife. Everytime a knife falls I end up at the emergency room! What is wrong with these knives?

Kirk Dunham of Seabrook, Texas gets an honorable mention for a warning label he found on a bottle of dried bobcat urine made to keep rodents and other pests away from garden plants. It says: Not for human consumption. That might be the most unnecessary label in history for yours truly. This human would use gloves to even touch this bottle.

Another honorable mention goes to Lyne Anton of Elk, California who found the following warning label on a baking pan: Ovenware will get hot when used in oven. Really? I noticed dishes get hot in the oven too. Maybe there is a trend here…hmmm.

But the grand prize winner goes to a heat gun and paint remover that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees and warns: Do not use this tool as a hair dryer. I would suspect that you would figure this out relatively quickly. “Honey, is that ovenware getting hot again? I smell something burning. Never mind, dear, I just melted my hair. I wish they would have warned me not to use a paint removing heat gun on my head.”

“Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times,” said Robert B. Dorigo Jones, M-LAW president. “An unpredictable legal system – in which judges allow anyone to file a lawsuit on almost any theory – has created a need for product makers to plaster wacky warnings on everything.” Humor columnist Dave Barry wrote about this trend. “Fortunately, I live in the United States of America, where we are gradually coming to understand that nothing we do is ever our fault, especially if it is really stupid.” And these warning labels are a sign that too many of us are unwilling to take any personal responsibility for our actions. We are the culture of “not at fault”. There is “no fault” auto insurance and “no fault” divorce. A child learns to say “it’s not my fault” right after they learn to say “no.” The “not at fault” mindset has crept into the body of Christ as well. For too many people nothing is ever their fault. We seem to have lost the ability to simply say “I was wrong. Please forgive me.” Instead we do the dreaded apology light. You know the syndrome. Some people can only say the words “I am sorry” if that phrase is immediately followed by a gigantic but (that would be one “t”). Whenever I see or hear the gigantic “but” I tend to discount the apology. I am sorry but I was having a bad day. Forgive me for my words but I was really tired and not feeling well. I shouldn’t have reacted but the other person was rude. I overreacted but he pushed my buttons (whatever that means). Blah, blah, blah, blah. We have allowed our American idea of rights to infiltrate the church. The confusing of rights and responsibilities is a dangerous trap for the body of Christ. Basically, being responsible for our actions is an act of love and obedience. Clearly we have a biblical responsibility to love one another. The Apostle John has some insight.

If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both. (1 John 4:20-21) The Message

The command is indeed blunt. Noted Christian author A. B. Simpson once noted that “a good way to test your love to God is by the way you treat your brother…God is more concerned by my conduct toward my brother than by my prayers to Him.” Amen. Jesus said something similar to the Pharisees: “Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.” (Matthew 23:11-12) The Message

I want my life to count for plenty. I am willing to take responsibility for my actions. If I am stupid (make that when I am stupid) I am willing to say I am wrong, I am sorry, and no buts about it.

Yes…the spelling in the title is correct. I am going to reluctantly revisit the airplane incident with Joel and Victoria Osteen that happened last Christmas. By far the most visited post I have ever written was in regards to the tepid apology that Mrs.Osteen issued after the incident. I finally removed the post after it became merely a feedback repository for partisan shots. The comments became a back and forth series between those who support the Osteen’s and their ministry versus those who do not. It became a spectacular exercise in missing the point. The ministry of Joel and Victoria Osteen was never the focus of my article. I became frustrated and dismayed with the discourse so I removed the post. 

My argument was never about the Osteen’s ministry, mega-churches, celebrity Christians, or any of the issues raised by many of those who posted feedback. My focus was on accountability for everyone in the body of Christ and our responsibility to respond with graciousness and humility. Immediately after the initial story was reported I wrote these words.

“I pray that the Osteens will handle this in a way that demonstrates the humility and grace of Jesus. We all make mistakes. It is how we respond to them that can make a difference. Repenting and repairing by asking forgiveness is a very good way to practice damage control.”

A couple of days later a letter was posted on the church website from Victoria Osteen.

Regardless of how some have portrayed the situation, please know that it was truly a minor misunderstanding and did not escalate into what you saw or read in the news. Contrary to those reports it was my choice to remove myself from the situation. Nonetheless, it was a most unfortunate event and I truly regret that it happened.

The last thing I would ever want to do is let any of you down. And I promise you that I did not act in any way that would cast a bad light on you, my family, Lakewood Church or our Lord Jesus Christ. I value the position that God has placed me in and I can assure you that I will always walk in love and integrity. While I am not perfect, I will always seek to be a peacemaker and seek the high road.

I was disappointed in Victoria Osteen’s response. She never wrote the words “I am sorry” or “please forgive me” for this incident. I wonder if either of those phrases would have tempered what was reported this week. A recent article in the Dallas Morning News  had this sad news.

The wife of nationally known pastor and author Joel Osteen was sued this week by a Continental Airlines flight attendant who said she was assaulted by her on a flight. The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member during a Christmas vacation flight to Vail, Colo., on Dec. 19. Ms. Osteen paid the fine in August to put the issue to rest, her attorney Rusty Hardin told the Houston Chronicle. She believes “very, very strongly” that she did nothing wrong, Mr. Hardin said.

But the reality is that something happened. There was a disagreement that was strong enough for the family to leave the plane and delay the flight. No matter how minor or major the misunderstanding that event inconvenienced a lot of people. So it seemed to me that some words of contrition would have been helpful. When you are a visible and vocal representative of Jesus, whether it’s at a megachurch or a mini mart, you are representing Jesus everyday and every moment. I can guarantee you that if I display unseemly behavior the first thing that will pop into the minds of those who know me will be  “I wonder if that is in his wonderful little Christian books?”. One of my biggest fears in writing books (and these daily ramblings) was that I have put myself on the line for the rest of my life. My actions will be evaluated in light of what I have written and said. Fair? Probably not. But it is a fact.

But the reality is that simply announcing  “I am a Christian” does exactly the same thing for anyone reading these words. Your failures likely won’t make the news but they may do just as much damage. Here is the lesson for all of us. When we inevitably fail we need to remember the five R’s of reconciliation.

1. Review – evaluate your actions prayerfully in the light of His Holy Spirit
   
2. Repent – turn toward God and away from your sin
   
3. Repair – seek out those who have been affected and seek forgiveness
   
4. Reject Excuses – don’t negate the power of forgiveness by saying something like I am sorry but I was having a bad day. Just say I am sorry or please forgive me. Period.
   
5. Rejoice – in a gracious God who forgives us time after time after time.

Can we do anything less if we truly stop and consider His grace to us? I squirm a bit when I write articles like this. I look in the mirror and reflect on the thought that I am the wretch the song is talking about. And I always know that someone will write a response to me with a lot of ALL CAPS and  they will use the verse from Matthew to let me know I am a judgmental jerk.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

I think we have so broadly applied this teaching that we have ceased to hold ourselves, and others, accountable in how all of us represent Christ. Remember that Jesus was addressing the religious people who talked about godliness but acted entirely differently. I am to evaluate myself by the standards of God’s Word, and yes, the standard should be higher for me because I have publicly identified myself as a follower of Christ. I want others to hold me accountable. In fact, I was confronted a couple of years ago by a person who informed me that my actions did not match my public testimony. I was grateful because I was able to repent and ask forgiveness of that person and others. That is the standard we set for ourselves as Christians. I cannot judge the motives or heart of Mrs. Osteen or anyone else. I do believe that she could have diffused this situation with a different response. But my focus is squarely on myself. How will I respond when I face frustration in life?

I pray that I will  offer a loving and grace filled response. But the reality is that I may need to humble myself and seek forgiveness. Both glorify the name of Jesus.

Welcome to today’s edition of the iPod Devotional Series. For newcomers to the site here is how it works. On the old iPod is a “shuffle songs” feature. You hit the button and the iPod randomly picks a song.  I am writing a blog about whatever song the device selects on that day from the 1,000 plus songs on my iPod. My music list will further confirm my status as a Christian who makes others feel superior. My music goes from Al Green to the Youngbloods. Beatles to U2. Old hymns to modern praise music. Toby Keith to Frank Sinatra. Oldies to the soundtrack from Monty Python’s Spamalot. This could be interesting. So with without further ado the selection today is…

Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds.

The song was the second number one hit for the Byrds and it reached that spot in 1965. Their first song to reach number one? Mr. Tambourine Man. I had actually written an earlier post using today’s song so I am reproducing some of that article with some updates. That post dealt with some of the lessons that Joni and I were learning on her/our cancer journey. A big part of what we learned was the truth of the wise king who wrote the classic lament in a book called Ecclesiastes that would become the basis for the song about 3,000 years later. That has to be the record for delayed release of a song.

There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

I will have to confess I first learned these truths courtesy of  The Byrds in 1965. With lyrics by Solomon (King) and Seeger (Pete) the song Turn! Turn! Turn! was a favorite of mine during my confused journey into adolescence. But the truth of the words of King Solomon beautifully adapted by Seeger and colleagues is resonating with me today. I would suggest that a fair percentage of our journey so far could be wrapped up in these verses.

a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

This summarizes the weird cycle of chemotherapy. The chemo kills the rapidly dividing cells and then the other drugs stimulate white cells to regain strength and heal. I wrote about the odd concept of poison for healing  earlier. But the essence of this rambling is contained in the next verse…

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

That says it all in a nutshell of ancient wisdom. There has been a lot of weeping. We had exhausted our annual Kleenex budget with seven months still left in the financial year. And that has been good. God has giving us the gift of weeping. It is cleansing and therapeutic and men ought to get a little better at that truth. There may be no crying in baseball but there is crying when your wife and best friend is facing cancer. There was mourning. We accepted the reality of her disease. This was a foe that could win. We trusted in a God that has proven trustworthy.

We mourned the loss of blessed routine. Our lives would be turned upside down for a very long time. But perhaps the most overlooked tool is the gift of humor – the time to laugh.

Joni and I have determined to find a time to laugh through this cancer journey. I have purchased a couple of t-shirts for Joni from a company called Cafepress (Not all designs are this site are, shall we say, edifying. Proceed with caution). One has a befuddled little happy face with the words, “I’ve got CHEMO BRAIN…What’s your excuse?”  Other shirts have an in your face attitude that some might consider dark but I believe represents the spirit of hope and trust and resolve. One company is called gotCancer?org and they have a wonderful slogan…”Laughing in Cancer’s Face!” I might modify that to read “Cancer’s Ugly Face” but the point remains the same. A couple of their designs are definitely for those with a sense of humor.

The shirts are available at the gotcancer?org website.

There is a time to laugh…even in the face of cancer. Joni and I laugh about an incident that happened early in the chemo triathlon. Joni’s hair starting coming out and she got the buzz cut on Monday. That same night she went to an event wearing her new wig. A woman came up to her and said, “I love what you’ve done with your hair! What have you done?”

I asked Joni if she had shared  how this admirer could have the same look? It is really very simple. Just have a port surgically installed. Begin chemo. Wait two weeks. Remove remaining hair. Don wig. Voilà! New look!

On the day of Joni’s first chemotherapy we felt some understandable trepidation. The unknown is the worst part of this journey. Then a wonderful brother in Christ showed up unexpectedly at the Oncology office. And there in the midst of our uncertainty we laughed and joked and talked. I am convinced that God used this servant to bring joy to us before the storm. When we made it to the chair Joni’s pulse and blood pressure were pretty normal. I suspect the dose of therapeutic laughter and joy were a big part of that.

It is easy for those in the valley and for those around them to discard the gift of humor. Sometimes we almost consider it a Godly thing to be somber. I would suggest that laughter is one of God’s most precious gifts in the healing process. We have committed to not waste our cancer. But we have also committed to laugh during this trial as we put our trust in the One who bestowed that wonderful gift. There is a time for laughter. Don’t forget to make time for it.

Post-script. We have done pretty well in keeping a sense of humor during this long process. Chemo infusion day became our “date day” at the “Slow Drip Spa”. I claim “sympathetic chemo brain” when I forget something. And back to the wisdom of King Solomon (as covered by the Byrds) we note that there is a time to dance. I am rhythmically challenged but I will ready to dance this upcoming Wednesday. I know my bride will be ready to dance. Joni will conclude the chemotherapy portion of the journey next week. There is still a long road ahead but the chemo will be behind us. Another song comes to mind from Mac Davis who once sang that “he thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas in his rear view mirror”. Sorry Mac (and West Texas friends that Mac offended) but for us “happiness is chemo weekly in our rearview mirror”. We move to the next part of the journey confident and trusting in Him. And still able to laugh.