Charisa Stories

Blog

  • How To Use A Biblical GPS To Avoid Conversation Crashes

    I made a conscious decision a few years ago to focus on communicating the message of grace and identity in Christ. With that I decided to avoid the polarizing path of politics. Some have told me that is cowardly but I can honestly say there is no message more important to me than the liberating freedom of grace. I want to share the joy of living out of what Jesus has already accomplished and what God says is true about me. 

    I feel called to be a messenger of hope and grace. Plus I feel like the political commentator team has a pretty full roster of contributors. But how does grace enter into the conversation when we have sincere disagreements over cultural and political issues? It is fascinating how two people can look at the same information and reach completely opposite conclusions. So I am going to offer a Grace Practicing Strategy (GPS) as a roadmap for civil discussion and shining the love of Jesus for others. Follow this pathway and your odds of arriving safely and gracefully increase greatly.

    • Sincere followers of Jesus can look at cultural or political issues and have very different opinions. Jesus loves His children on both sides of the argument.

    I know I have changed my views on some cultural issues over my years of walking with Jesus. I was a child in the era when divorce was a mortal sin. I absolutely am committed to the idea of a husband and wife taking their vows seriously. But I learned that the cultural shame of divorce caused many Christian women to feel trapped in relationships of abuse. Clearly that was not the desire of a loving Heavenly Father who ordained marriage. In those sad situations it is necessary to divorce an abusive spouse. In the pulpits of my youth the message was no divorce outside of adultery was ever justified. I had a blind spot about how a declaration that appeared Biblical could foster abuse. So many issues we discuss have similar and complex nuances. We need to discuss, not demonize.

    • The goal of a discussion should not just be to win.

    Thoughtful discussion is impossible when one of the participants only cares about winning the debate. The goal of any conversation should be a graceful exchange of ideas without rude interruptions, condescending gestures, or angry exchanges. I would rather have a goal of being winsome instead of winning. That attitude fosters conversation. 

    • People of different viewpoints should commit to listen. Nothing shows respect more than carefully listening to the arguments of those with whom you disagree and then gently offering thoughtful responses. 

    Listen to talking heads on television news shows as they “discuss” different points of view. As soon as one side starts talking the other shakes their head, smirks, and then interrupts and talks over the other person. How is that going to persuade anyone? Yet we sometimes do the same thing when we have significant disagreements with people. Listen. Really listen. Let them finish their point. Then respond in grace.

    • Ask questions.

    You will not influence another person by arguing. The way to connect is to ask questions and try to understand why they feel the way they do. I have found that many times people I talk with don’t have a solid reason for their feelings. That can be a opening to honestly discuss difficult topics. 

    • Pop the bubble around you.

    Find out what the other person is reading and watching. Expose yourself to different points of view and encourage those you have disagreements with to do the same. If you are confident in your beliefs there should be no fear in being exposed to differing viewpoints.

    • All of us are a work in process.

    Every child of God is in process. I am a very different Christian than I was 20, 10, or even 5 years ago. I am growing (hopefully) in grace and truth. I strongly believed and said things years ago that I am grieved about today. Thankfully God was patiently working with my heart and gently shining the light of the Holy Spirit on my blind spots. I need to give that grace to others. 

    • Pray for wisdom and grace then leave the results to God.

    So what is the goal when you have sincere disagreements with another believer over cultural issues? Use the God’s Grace Practicing Strategy and relax. God may be using you to plant seeds in the heart of the other person. Maybe you have a blind spot that needs the refining work of the Holy Spirit. Share your heart with love and kindness and be open to the possibility that you may be the one who needs to change your heart.

    • Grace never cancels

    Grace does not “cancel”. Grace does not shame. Grace does not answer anger with anger. The person you totally disagree with may be crying out of pain and deep wounding. Perhaps a gentle answer will give hope. Grace does not lash out when challenged. Grace is kind and gentle.

    Complete transparency. Being graceful can be frustrating at times but Paul gives great application in his message to the church at Colossae. 

    Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 
    And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
    Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:12-17, NLT)

    Perhaps the most important thing all of us can do to further the unity in the body of Christ is to memorize that passage and try to implement those words. Engaging the Grace Practicing Strategy may not win every argument but it may plant a seed toward Jesus and that is the biggest win we can pray for.

  • Is It Time for A Jesus Family Conference about Unity and Love?

    While our three sons were living under our roof there were five words that struck fear in their hearts.

    “Time for a family conference”. 

    I suspect they felt I was being punitive when I called for a conference. The truth is I was pursuing protective love and not punishment. Protective love sees a dynamic that is hurting someone in the family and when one in the family is hurting all of us are hurting. 

    When I see the current dynamics of my universal Christian family I wish I could call a Jesus family conference with a heart of protective love. I see social media posts from friends who identify with Jesus that question the faith of those who disagree with them on social or political issues. That action dims the light of our witness for Christ and gives non-believers ammunition to dismiss our testimony.

    I recently read a social media comment about a person who posted something that they disagreed with.

    “How can they call themselves a Christian if they think that way?”

    I have a couple of thoughts about how that person might call themselves a Christian.

    1. Maybe they believe that Jesus died on the Cross for their sins, rose from the dead, and then provided a path of forgiveness and salvation. That is how I call myself a Christian even on my bad days.
    2. Maybe they are still in the process of spiritual growth and with loving discipleship they might begin to see your point of view (if you are correct). That can be a two-way street. I have changed my heart on a lot of issues since I began my journey over 50 years ago.

    So could that person who drew the judgement be wrong about their political or social beliefs?
    Yep.

    Could the social media judges be wrong?
    Yep.

    Paul talked about the damage done when we condemn other followers of Jesus.

    “So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 11 For the Scriptures say,

    “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
    ‘every knee will bend to me,
        and every tongue will declare allegiance to God.’”

    12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. 13 So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.”
    (Romans 14:10-13, NLT)

    There is no condemnation in Christ. I totally understand that there are cultural and political trends that dismay followers of Jesus. I support standing up for Scriptural truth. But I am convicted more than ever that the only way to have an impact is to communicate that truth in love and grace. I believe our priority should be to spread the love and light and hope of the Good News of the Gospel.

    I already know the push back from some readers. They remind me that Jesus got angry and even destructive when he overturned the tables in the Temple. Fair point. So I have compiled a brief survey to complete. Please check each statement that is true about you.

    _____ I have never sinned.

    _____ I know with 100 per cent accuracy the heart and motives of those I disagree with.

    If you can check both of those statements then I will happily grant you the “Jesus Exemption”. For the rest of us I would suggest that we concentrate more on following the words of Jesus.

    “Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that?” (Luke 6:31)

    Might I remind you that Jesus was constantly triggered by religious people (hypocrites) who did not live what they demanded from others.

    The early church had no chance to “win” the culture war. Instead they built a community of believers that infiltrated the culture with loving service.

    Truth communicated as law will harden hearts. Truth communicated with grace and love has a chance to soften and change them. I have never witnessed one single example of a person persuaded by a Facebook rant. I have seen hundreds hardened in their beliefs (right or wrong) by those tactics. 

    Change happens when God’s love breaks through the hurt and confusion of the past and shows the future hope of grace and forgiveness. I will buy you coffee if you can show when a positive change of heart happened by being harangued and called names. Spiritual change happens when the gentle and quiet voice of the Spirit touches a wounded heart. So my plea to my fellow followers of Jesus is to realize you represent Him when you proclaim your truths in the name of Jesus. If you are representing Jesus you have this standard to follow.

    God blesses those who work for peace,
        for they will be called the children of God. (Matthew 5:9)

    And I might call in Paul for backup at my family conference.

    Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4:29)

    Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. (Colossians 4:6)

    I know how easy it is to get riled up with social media threads but is name calling a way to represent the love of Jesus? Remember who you represent and respond accordingly. Scripture makes it clear.

    A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. (Luke 6:45)

    All followers of Jesus need to prayerfully examine our hearts before we hit send.

  • The Best Lesson in Stay From My Rescued Friend Maggie

    (To celebrate the 10 Anniversary of Stay:Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace I am posting a chapter outlining the best lessons learned from Hannah and Maggie. Forgive me for a longer read but I hope it resonates with you. Here is my lesson from Maggie.)

    I was wasting time on Facebook earlier this month when I noticed this post from a friend who provides temporary housing for rescued dogs seeking a forever home.

    Meet Savannah our new foster.

    That simple little bit of text would not have caused me to linger. But the photo that was with it—this very photo—caused me to stop in my tracks.

    I couldn’t take my eyes off those amazing eyes. I found out a little bit about the dog from my friend, so Joni and I decided to meet Savannah. No doubt you already know the rest of the story. Welcome to my new mentor.

    We brought Savannah home for a trial run on Sunday, January 27, 2014. The pet adoption agency requests that prospective owners spend a couple of weeks with a dog before making a final decision, to make sure it’s a good fit. From the minute she walked through the front door, Savannah was both curious and cautious. Obviously, she detected another dog’s scent even though Hannah had been gone for months. Joni and I had a pile of new toys waiting for Savannah, as well as a new crate for her to relax and sleep in.

    Our house guest was friendly but not overly affectionate. We figured that was due to the chaotic and uncertain events she had already experienced in her life. Savannah had been found running loose about forty-five miles north of our city, with a nasty gash on her hind leg. It was healed, although she had a permanent scar to remind us of her injury.

    After the two weeks were up, we filled out the paperwork and arranged a final in-home visit so the agency was convinced we were “worthy” parents. (I’m glad they didn’t use our boys as references.) What were the odds that Savannah would wind up with us? In keeping with the great Burchett family tradition, our new puppy match happened while we were making other plans.

    The word adoption is one that the apostle Paul included in his letters to the early churches. In Romans he uses the example to powerfully illustrate how God views us.

    All who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. (Romans 8:14-17)

    Paul knew his Roman audience well, referencing their custom of adoption. In that culture you didn’t have to be born into a family to be an heir; an outsider could be adopted into the family and receive the benefits of a blood relative. Adoption was meant to preserve the family, and there were no age restrictions—the adoptee could be a child or an adult. In each case, the adoptee’s debts and obligations were erased, and the adoptee received a new identity.

    That was our first order of business with our new canine friend Savannah. Her foster name Savannah was just too close to Hannah, so we began brainstorming other possibilities. Joni and I have a friend named Maggie who greets everyone with a smile and a cheerful, “Happy Day!” That seemed to match the personality of our adoptee, so with our friend’s amused permission, we settled on Maggie. 

    There was only one problem with the new moniker. Our puppy would not respond to her new name. It wasn’t unexpected. After all, she had been dubbed Savannah by the adoption center. Perhaps she had a different name before she found herself lost in the Texas countryside. Now we were trying to saddle her with a third name in less than a year of life. No wonder she was confused!

    We concentrated on teaching the puppy her new name. “Maggie, come!” We gave her treats when she came when called and praised her profusely. We did all the things the dog training websites suggest to introduce a rescued puppy into a new environment. No matter what we tried, Maggie seemed to choose if, and when, she would respond to her name. It was frustrating to see her look in our direction when we called her and, a moment later, wander off with apparent disinterest.

    Later I realized I had just learned my first lesson from my new mentor. I do the same thing with God. I was given a new name when I put my faith in Jesus as my Savior. My new identity, mentioned several times in the New Testament, is “child of God.”

    To all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. (John 1:12-13)

    If you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

    So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”(Romans 8:13-15)

    You are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:26)

    Because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”(Galatians 4:6)

    Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has become a child of God. And everyone who loves the Father loves his children, too. (1 John 5:1)

    So who am I? Expatriated Buckeye? TV sports director? Author of a modestly successful book? Husband of Joni? Father of three outstanding young men? Ridiculously proud grandfather? Executive Member of Costco? All those things define me to some degree. But the one thing that is true about me that I find almost impossible to comprehend is that I am a child of God. Just like Maggie, sometimes I answer to my new name and sometimes I just wander off thinking, You must not be talking about me.

    There is power in believing in a name. Many years ago, for reasons I still don’t understand, I was cast as the lead in our high school senior musical. I had never acted and was not a trained singer. And yet that stellar résumé somehow landed me the role as Don Quixote in Man of La Mancha. Go figure. The play is based on Miguel de Cervantes’s seventeenth-century novel Don Quixote. The drama unfolds as a play within a play, performed by Cervantes and his fellow prisoners as he awaits a hearing with the Spanish Inquisition. Cervantes takes on the character of “mad knight” Don Quixote.

    It was fun and challenging to learn page after page of dialogue as well as doing my best not to mess up “The Impossible Dream.” I enjoyed transforming into an old man on stage and donning the armor of the knight errant.

    As I became immersed in the character of Quixote, I began to understand that the gentle and naive protagonist saw the world through eyes of grace. He perceived what people can become and not what they are at the moment. When he meets a prostitute named Aldonza, Quixote sees her as a lady, treats her with respect, and gives her a new name—Dulcinea.

    Aldonza’s reaction? She lashes out with fury and hatred as all her past junk pours out. Aldonza agonizes that her mother doesn’t know which of her many lovers might be Aldonza’s father. She rages about men who have used, abused, and abandoned her. And now this man calls her a “lady” and gives her a new name and identity. Aldonza hates what she has become, but even more she hates the fear of believing she could change and possibly face another crushing disappointment. At least her identity in a questionable vocation is familiar. And yet Don Quixote sees her as a soul created with value who can be redeemed.

    Gradually, Aldonza understands that Quixote is genuine, and she begins to believe what the old man says is true about her, that she does have value. When the “Quixotic” world of the man of La Mancha is destroyed and he draws his final breath, Sancho Panza, the faithful squire, addresses the grieving woman as Aldonza.

    She gently corrects him. “My name is Dulcinea.”

    Her identity has been changed by an agent of grace.

    That’s what happens to those who place their trust in Christ. God gives us a new identity and He calls us by a new name.

    His child.

    We also tend to fight back and remind God of what we used to be and all that is wrong about us now. But Jesus patiently reminds us of our new identity. He tells us that we have been changed. That our spiritual DNA has been rewritten. That we are a new creation in Him. That we are holy. Saints. When we believe what Jesus says is true about us, it will change how we live our lives.

    A righteous and beloved child of God. That is not an “impossible dream,” but a theological truth.

    I am a flawless child of God. Not because of anything I have done, am doing, or will ever do. It is because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. Whenever I start wavering, I need to pause and remember my name.

    Maggie will learn her name with repetition and praise and reward. We are making real progress. Our dog trainer gave us a great tip. “Never use her name for shaming or punishment. When you call Maggie, she should expect to play, get a treat, or to be loved. Every time she hears Maggie it should be a party.”

    I love that image for my journey with Jesus. When He calls my name, it is a party of grace, not of shaming or punishment. I am His beloved child. When He calls my name, it is for my good.

    Dave Burchett aka “child of God.” That has a nice ring to it.

  • The Best Lesson In Stay From My Rescued Friend Hannah

    (To celebrate the 10 Anniversary of Stay:Lessons My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Loss, and Grace I am posting a chapter outlining the best lesson learned from Hannah today and Maggie tomorrow. Forgive me for a longer read but I hope it resonates with you. Hannah goes first.)

    Today I was thinking about Hannah’s cancer diagnosis and wondering how long our journey would last. As she often does, Hannah sensed my sadness, came over, and put her head in my lap.

    I remembered as she nuzzled me that she had taught me a very valuable lesson years ago before her own trial had come along. One reason Hannah is such a special friend is that she entered our lives during a difficult season when her human mom —my wife, Joni—was diagnosed with breast cancer. Hannah provided a comforting presence during a scary time. I found an anonymous quote that sums up one big reason why: “One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feeling blue is that she doesn’t try to find out why.”

    Hannah knew how to deal with people going through an emotionally and physically draining valley. Her solution was simple but powerful.

    Be present.

    It was just the unsolicited encouragement that Joni and I so needed at the time. When this cancer journey began, we learned a lot of hard lessons. One of the hardest to swallow was people’s reactions, how those close to us dealt with tragedy and illness. We had expectations of who would be there for us during the storm, but those expectations were rarely correct. Some people that we were sure would be steadfast became invisible. Others that we would have wagered the mortgage on to be constant encouragers became awkward and distant. When your expectations are met with barely any response from friends and family, it can devastate your spirit and lead to despair.

    Although reasons were never given, I could guess why people struggled with our situation, based on the unique baggage they brought to their own story. Perhaps cancer made them fear their own mortality. Some acted as if cancer is contagious. Perhaps they worried they might say the wrong thing. Others might have felt pressure to make sense of a senseless situation or the need to figure out the spiritual reason for the trial, and when they had no answer to give us, they retreated. I understand all that now, but at the time it hurt.

    That’s what Hannah sensed. Her intuitive evaluation of my emotions was uncanny. Hannah would come to me and nudge me as if to say, “I’m here.” As she shifted her big brown eyes toward mine, her gaze communicated, “I don’t know how to help, but I wish I could.”

    There was incredible comfort in her presence.

    She was right. That was all I needed—presence. When Joni was sick with cancer, all we needed from friends and fellow followers of Jesus was caring presence.

    The theology of why bad things happen could wait. The go-to verse that “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28, kjv) could be explored when time gave perspective. You don’t need to explain or spiritualize trials. You need to be present and willing to walk with your friend or loved one in grace and love. Simple, yet incredibly powerful.

    Remember me mentioning Job and his suffering in the introduction? At first, Job’s friends were fantastic empathizers. When they simply sat with Job and grieved with him, I am sure he took comfort in these men who cared enough to be present. But then they decided to speak their piece. They resorted to the familiar default mode of needing to “figure out” what Job did to trigger his suffering. They tried to explain what they could not understand.

    God was faithful to provide caring people to walk with Joni and me. We thanked Him for those He prompted to love us, instead of wondering why others were not there. That was a spiritual turning point for us.

    During Joni’s cancer, Hannah obviously had no idea why we were sad. She had no more understanding of Joni’s disease than she would later have of her own prognosis. But she could sense our sorrow and she was present in the moment.

    Joni’s breast cancer treatment included surgery and a year of chemotherapy followed by weeks of radiation. We joked about our weekly dates at the “Slow-Drip Spa” but there was not much humor to be found in the aftermath of those sessions. Joni fought nausea and her plummeting white blood cell counts were dangerously low, compromising her recovery. One day after we returned home from Joni’s chemotherapy session, she went straight to the bedroom, exhausted, to try to sleep off the nausea. I sat on the couch in our living room staring at nothing as I tried to process all that Joni was going through.

    Hannah sensed my sadness but wasn’t sure what to do. She walked by, looked at me, picked up a tennis ball, and brought it to me. I could see a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. I imagined a thought bubble appearing over her head with the message, “Would this help make you less sad?”

    I tossed the ball to her but she did not play with the normal zeal that she had during our games of catch.

    This day Hannah caught the ball, calmly brought it back, and gently dropped it in my lap. It was as if she was doing this for me and not her. She was giving me a few moments of respite from my fears. I don’t recall another time that she played in that way.

    A recent study done by Goldsmiths College in London suggests that dogs may respond more to our emotions than any other species, including our own. According to the study conducted by Dr. Deborah Custance and Jennifer Mayer, dogs will even approach strangers to comfort them, regardless of expectation of reward or care. That certainly makes them different from many humans.

    The researchers did the following experiment.

    Eighteen pet dogs, spanning a range of ages and breeds, were exposed to four separate 20-second experimental conditions in which either the dog’s owner or an unfamiliar person pretended to cry, hummed in an odd manner, or carried out a casual conversation. The dogs demonstrated behaviours consistent with an expression of empathic concern. Significantly more dogs looked at, approached and touched the humans as they were crying as opposed to humming, and no dogs responded during talking.

    Humming was included because it is an unusual sound that might arouse the curiosity of the dogs. But interestingly enough, the dogs consistently reacted to the person who was crying instead of the ones humming or talking, regardless of whether the person crying was a dog’s owner or a complete stranger.

    Jennifer Mayer summed up the surprising result which was amazing to me.

    “If the dogs’ approaches during the crying condition were motivated by self-oriented comfort-seeking, they would be more likely to approach their usual source of comfort, their owner, rather than the stranger. No such preference was found. The dogs approached whoever was crying regardless of their identity. Thus they were responding to the person’s emotion, not their own needs, which is suggestive of empathic-like comfort-offering behavior.”

    The researchers suggested that centuries of breeding had created this type of response in our canine companions. Perhaps. But I align more with Martin Luther’s thoughts on this issue: “The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made his greatest gifts the commonest.”

    I think God has given us a model of walking, breathing grace in these amazing creatures.

    The empathetic instinct to pain that my friend Hannah possesses can be a template for how I can be present with God. There are times when my baggage or fear cause me to be awkward and distant from God. I am not sure what to say or even if God wants to deal with my weak faith again. I am tempted to talk bravely as if nothing is wrong. But my heart is crying out in pain. God comforts me in the brave talking, but He rushes toward the crying of my soul. I think that is what the apostle Paul is describing in Romans, assuring us that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf when we are too anguished to even find words:

    The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. (Romans 8:26-27)

    The Holy Spirit senses our heart and literally interprets our anguish to the Father. God desires that we simply be present with Him. We don’t need to pray eloquent psalms of petition. We simply put our head in the lap of Abba Father and say, “I’m here.” And isn’t it interesting that it is in this very intimate context of submission and tender dependence on the Holy Spirit that the oft-quoted phrase about how “all things work together for good” occurs?

    The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:26-28)

    We isolate the verse about “everything working for good” from its context and throw it out as “comfort” for those who are suffering. Paul says that God is with us in our suffering, not just for one specific event, but for all of the trials we will face in our lives. All of them will be ultimately redeemed for those who love God.

    The purpose of our trials is not necessarily to have things work out neatly, according to our desires. Romans 8:29 says, “God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son.” God chose believers to become like His Son. All of these trials together will cause us to become more like Jesus. That may or may not mean a particular event will work out well. How often have we wounded a hurting soul with our shallow spiritualizing when he or she just needed a friend?

    Learning to be present for a friend or a loved one is a precious skill. Henri Nouwen captures this heart of friendship well.

    “When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.”

    It starts with being present, a lesson well taught by my friend Hannah. She gave me a clear example of being present when your friend is hurting. Just be present. Not all-knowing. Not awkwardly fumbling for words. Simply present.

    Tonight I got into bed late, and Hannah got up with some difficulty from her comfy bed and walked to my side. Maybe she needed my presence. Maybe she sensed my need for a therapeutic ear scratch. I suspect the truth is that both of us had needs that were met by that simple action of presence and affection. That is how it works when we drop our fears and selfishness to make ourselves lovingly present in a loved one’s pain. It is therapeutic for everyone involved.

    During Joni’s difficult cancer trial we learned that the peace that surpasses all understanding is real. We lived it and we got through a very trying year by leaning on each other, great doctors, good friends, God’s grace, and lots of Hannah nuzzles.

  • The Secret to a Happy Life? Don’t Blink!

    Bella seems surprised by the blog title but a song from Kenny Chesney caught my attention. In the lyrics an interviewer asks a man celebrating his one hundred and second birthday about his secret to life. His response?

    Don’t blink

    He talks about how life seems to be a blink from childhood to reaching the century mark. I’m still a ways from the century mark though my shoulder feels that old this morning. It seems like just yesterday that I was playing sandlot baseball as a kid. Moments ago I was in high school being Attention Deficit before ADD was cool. Just yesterday I met the stunning Joni Banks and somehow talked her into dating me. Wasn’t it just weeks ago that three adorable baby boys came into our lives? 

    Don’t blink.

    Married almost 49 years. Five decades of directing live TV sporting events. Seven grandchildren. Are you kidding me?

    I have had, if I may borrow the franchise of Frank Capra, a wonderful life. Through it all I feel blessed beyond comprehension. I believe that is because I found my reason for being here. Pastor and author Rick Warren summed it up nicely in a recent interview.

    People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond, In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body – but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense.

    Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one or you’re getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that’s not the goal of life: The goal is to grow in character, In Christ-likeness.

    If this is the warm-up act for my eternity gig on the main stage then all of this is merely preparation. Football players hate the two-a-day practices in the brutal heat. But they love the exhilaration of victory that the difficult preparation allows for later in the season. Sometimes the two-a-days of life seem cruel and without purpose. But my understanding of the God who made me and His purpose for me allows me to believe there is purpose and design. I don’t always see it. I love being happy and carefree. But if my purpose is preparation for my real gig then I need to live out of my new identity and trust God to mature me in Christ-likeness. Paul wrote this in the book of Colossians.

    Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Col 3, NLT)

    The lyrics quote the wide old man telling others how to finish strong.

    I was glued to my TV when it looked like he looked at me and said
    “Best start putting first things first.”
    Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand
    You can’t flip it over and start again
    Take every breath God gives you for what it’s worth

    The songwriter is correct. We have a pre-determined number of grains in the hourglass so I choose today to live in the moment in grace and freedom. Every breath is a gift even on the toughest days. Enjoy today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised.

    In no time at all on the eternity clock I will be with my Lord and Savior. I will be home. For my fellow sojourners I pray that you will trust that truth. You may face storms and deep valleys along the way. The secret to life? Trust a God who is trustworthy. And one more thing.

    Don’t blink. His blessings are all around you when your eyes are looking.

  • The One Thing On God’s Checklist That Grace Doesn’t Cover

    Understanding grace rocked my spiritual world and changed my walk with God in dramatic and wonderful ways.

    I regularly extol the virtues of grace for a follower of Jesus. Grace compels you to trust others with you. Grace compels you to trust Jesus with your sin because you can’t manage it yourself. Grace compels you to forgive because you have been forgiven. Grace compels you to accept others and not judge them. Grace compels you to move toward the unlovable and not away. Grace compels you to sacrifice when you desire security. Grace compels you to love when your heart is hateful. Grace compels you to trust God when you are afraid and weak.

    The amazing thing about God’s grace is that He is not a God of a second chance. He is a God of chance after chance after chance ad infinitum. We are never outside God’s redeeming grace, no matter how much or how often we blow it.

    But there is one thing that God’s amazing grace does not cover.

    The consequences of intentional sin. Paul makes it very clear.

    Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.(Galatians 6:7, NLT)

    I have been deeply saddened and sometimes angered by followers of Jesus who blithely act in ways that are clearly against God’s Word and then proclaim that His grace will cover them. Sadly there are grace abusers.

    To borrow from my brother Saint Paul, here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: grace can never be viewed as a cheap gift. It cost Jesus everything. I challenge you to kneel at the foot of the cross and look up. There is nothing cheap about the transaction that Jesus suffered for you and me. And yes, I know that some people misuse grace. There is a word for that.

    Sin.

    The truth is that grace is the only real antidote for sin and should never, ever, be the excuse for sin. Paul addressed the heresy that grace gives me license to sin, and he was rightfully dismayed (you might even say ticked off).

    Sin will have no mastery over you, because you are not under law but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace?

    Absolutely not!

    Romans 6:14-15, NET (emphasis added)

    Here is a sampling of other translations of Paul’s undisguised chagrin expressed in Romans 6:15 at the very thought that the sweet grace of the Gospel would be abused:

    God forbid! (KJV)
    Of course not! (NLT)
    May it never be! (NASB)
    By no means! (ESV)

    Clearly Paul is appalled by the idea that we would even consider using this sacrificial gift of unmerited grace as cover for selfish behavior and sin.

    Frederick William Faber is credited with this observation.

    “God does not save us by grace so that we may live in disgrace.”

    Grace will provide forgiveness for sin but not escape from it’s consequences. Committing sin may make you feel temporarily better but you do not escape the weight of that sin on those you hurt and on your own heart. Just read the terrible consequences of David’s adultery and you recognize that even a king described as a “man after God’s own heart” cannot dodge the effects of sin. Anytime you rationalize sin by saying that grace has you covered you have bought a lie from the Enemy.

    Grace was costly. Grace was painful for God the Father to implement. If you are tempted to abuse that grace perhaps you should review if you really understand the cost paid to make it possible. Grace covers everything. Except the consequences left behind in the wake of selfish sin.

  • Is Groundhog Day Faith a Frustrating Thing?


    Every year they rudely awaken Punxsutawney Phil long enough for the reluctant rodent to let us know if six more weeks of winter awaits. Phil always looks as happy as I do when when I am disturbed in the morning. Thirty-two years ago a funny and underappreciated movie came on the scene. Groundhog Day told the story of a self-absorbed news reporter (redundancy alert?) that finds himself stuck in an endless repeat of the same day. Bill Murray is perfect in the role of reporter Phil Connors. Reporter Phil is less than thrilled that he has been assigned to cover Punxsutawney Phil. He feels he is “above” such an inane assignment. Connor’s looks into the camera and cynically reports:

    “This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.”

    The premise of the movie is that Phil Connors is doomed to live the same day over and over and over. For Connors, Groundhog Day begins each morning at 6:00 A.M as Sonny & Cher’s “I Got You Babe” blares out from his alarm clock radio. The twist is that his (and only his) memories of the “previous” day remain intact, trapped in a seemingly endless “time loop” to repeat the same day endlessly. 

    So what is the point of these ramblings? Maybe followers of Jesus can get stuck in a Groundhog Day life of their own. They wake up every day and feel trapped in a repeating pattern of frustrating behavior. Why is that? I lived a Groundhog Day kind of faith for years. The Apostle Paul wrote about this very thing (not the giant rodent part…the repeating behavior part) in his letter to the Romans.

    I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. (Romans 7, The Message)

    Wow…can I relate to that. A bit later Paul writes…I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

    That is the real question. And there is a real answer offered by Paul.

    The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

    So what can you do to get out of this sin spiral?

    Nothing.

    Wait!  Don’t let depression set in. This is good news! You and I can’t do it. I am incapable in my own efficacy to escape my spiritual Groundhog Day. Only Jesus can enable me to escape this endless loop of frustration. Further advice from Paul follows in Chapter 8 of his amazing letter to the Romans.

    But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. 

    Allow the truth of that verse to soak in.

    Want to get out of your Groundhog Day existence? Most readers of these humble ramblings realize they couldn’t deal with their sin separation from God on their own. We needed Jesus. So why do we think we can deal with our ongoing sin issues on our own? When the Father looks at me on my very worst day this is what He sees.

    Jesus.

    That is step one. I don’t have to clean up the sin to please God. He loves me already because of Jesus. Step Two. I am learning daily to recognize that the Spirit of God has taken up residence in my life. I am learning that I am the one who limits His power by restricting access and not trusting Him with my thoughts and actions. I am learning that I don’t need to wake up to the frustrating effects of repeated self-effort. I can wake up trusting God, trusting that Jesus has my sin covered and trusting that the Spirit of God will allow me to resolve that sin. Trusting God and what His Word says to be true allows me to escape the Groundhog Day syndrome.

    The moral of the movie Groundhog Day was that Phil Connor needed to learn that he was self-absorbed and dependent on his selfish efforts to get ahead. The moral of the spiritual groundhog day is to learn that we cannot depend on our self efforts to live a joyful and free Christian life. I come to Jesus by grace and total dependence. I live for Jesus by grace and total dependence. While the other groundhog is busy predicting weather I would suggest you try this for the next six weeks. When the alarm jars you awake remember this truth. Instead of the Sonny and Cher song you can sing “I Got You Lord”. The two of you can end this “Groundhog Day” of frustration. I can’t help you with the weather.